Original subtitles

Desiree, welcome to the day spa.

We are so excited to have a chef of your caliber even considering this position.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Am I late? No, not at all. Desiree just got here, Desiree.

This is... William!

Debbie! Oh, my God!

I thought you moved back to Chicago. I did, but then I moved back here.

Well, welcome back. Thank you.

So you two know each other? Yeah, William and I dated a few years back.

Oh. Wow, you look good.

So do you.

Uh -huh.

Desi?

Joan is my girlfriend.

Mm -hmm. We are very happy.

That's great.

Joan, you're a lucky girl. William is quite a cat. Yes, and that's why I

him.

Uh, you know what? I forgot to put some money in the meter.

I'll be right back. Okay.

You dated Super Chef?

You ruined everything, William.

What?

What are you talking about?

So we went out. Big deal.

Big deal?

William, this is huge. I mean, did you have sex with her?

Well, of course I did. We went out for two months.

You're the only person I know crazy enough to go out with someone and wait

months to... Which I'm totally cool with, because it was a mutual decision.

that you've loved up. Oh, Joan, you're being silly.

There wasn't any loving up.

Honestly, it was more like growing up.

Worst sex I've ever had. Oh, really?

I've had way better sex than with Desiree.

Really? Yeah.

So don't worry about it.

Okay. Okay.

So this is way better sex.

Who's with?

What?

You said you had way better sex than Desiree, so with who?

Who's your best?

I don't know, Joan. I never really thought about it.

Well, let's think about it now.

So, who is it?

Monica?

Yvonne?

Kara?

Lynn?

It was Lynn?

Hey, I didn't say that. You said that. I didn't say that.

Okay, well, then why did you react like that?

Can I touch your booty?

Well, look, give it until noon tomorrow, and if they don't respond, move on.

All right.

Ciao, ciao, ciao.

Paul, sorry I'm late, but I was busy finding you the perfect house. That's

Tony. As I recall, punctuality was never one of your strong points.

True, but as I recall, you used to say I was worth waiting for.

Of course, you used to say it was in diamonds.

You were worth every carat.

Well, then why didn't you marry me?

I was young.

I was stupid.

Now that my divorce is final, maybe I will.

I was just playing.

I wasn't.

Okay, I know my face can be mesmerizing, but look below. That ain't a fanny

pack. I'm pregnant.

And you're also not wearing a wedding ring.

Yeah, because my fingers are swollen to the size of jumbo franks.

But, Paul, I'm married.

Separated, but very much married.

Understood.

Okay.

So, in this crazy L .A. market, what can a brother get for $15 million?

And why did we break up again?

Thanks for, um, walking me upstairs. No problem. I needed to come up and check

my mail.

Oh. Dr. Count seemed happy with the baby's development.

Yeah, that's great.

Can I get you some coffee?

No, thanks. I'm tired. I just want to get back to the hotel.

Damn it, Todd. Why are you being so mean to me?

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about all the curt responses, the sideways glances.

Why didn't you say God bless you when I sneezed earlier?

I didn't say God bless you because I said Gesundheit.

Exactly. Why you gotta be like that, Todd?

Fine.

God bless you.

Apology accepted.

You know you don't have to stay in a hotel, Todd.

Why do you do that?

Do what?

Put me in a position to tell you no.

Stop making this so hard.

Me? How am I making this hard? By being cordial to my baby's daddy? By being

nice to you?

I don't need you to be nice. I need you to acknowledge the fact that we're going

through a divorce.

I do.

No, you don't. If I weren't acknowledging it, how could I be

You got the settlement agreement last week. Why haven't you signed it yet?

Because I haven't read it yet.

Tony, it's simple. We leave with what we came in with.

I take the bulk of the debt. I know what it says. I read it.

Do you agree with it? I guess.

Then sign it.

I don't have a pen.

Here.

Fine.

Happy now?

But I'm pretty sure these aren't legal if you sign them, kiss my ass.

Ooh, man, girl, you surely know how to pick a winner. I mean, I laughed, I

cried, I talked back to the TV.

It's the best movie I've seen all year.

You know, Maya, I know you think that Lynn's movies...

The best movie, but we haven't seen the movie that I chose yet. I mean, maybe.

My movie is the best movie. But we wouldn't know that until we actually

my movie. I mean, I know you decided that Lynn's movie is the best movie, but

now my movie feels like it can't compete.

What is wrong with you, girl? You've been acting weird all week. Nothing. I

want my movie to have a shot.

Step back from the damn crazy. Well, what's the damn movie? It's not about

damn movie.

My God, then what's it about?

It's about William.

I don't know.

What'd Big Willie do now? You know what, Lynn?

I would really appreciate it if you would stop calling William Big Willie.

his girlfriend now. Uh -huh. And I don't need a constant reminder of your past

together. It's bad enough that you're the best sex he ever had.

Of course I'm his best. I'm everybody's best.

But you've been with everybody, so you got that right.

Joan, relax.

I mean, just because I was his best does not mean that he's my best.

Really?

I mean, on a scale of one to ten, William is like a four. And I'm rounding

So what's with all the big willy talk?

Just because a man has a 747 does not mean he knows how to land it.

Wow.

I didn't think they made houses with panic rooms in them anymore.

Yeah, the view is great.

Okay, Tony, what's going on?

Nothing. I'm... I'm fine. You're not fine. You're preoccupied. You're

distracted. You're wearing two different shoes.

Talk to me.

My marriage is over.

I signed the divorce papers yesterday.

I'm sorry.

It just all went wrong, and it was all my fault.

Hey.

You know, it takes two to mess up a marriage.

I get that.

But I can be a real self -centered spoiled bitch sometimes.

Tony, I think you're being too hard on yourself. I don't remember you being

self -centered.

I recall the time you drove down to Mexico to smuggle in my favorite Cuban

cigars just to cheer me up.

Actually, my maid did that.

Of course, she got arrested at the border, but I did give her Tuesday off

fight the charges.

See, you are a giving person.

The way I see it, any man that lets you go, It's stupid.

You should know stupid.

Okay, so is this the part where I'm supposed to say, I'm a damn good catch

if Todd can't see it?

Yes.

And you are.

Thank you, Paul.

You make me feel so much better.

So, um, what do you think about this panic room, huh?

Uh, Tony, the alarm shut off two minutes ago.

Really? Because I heard her ringing in my ear.

That ain't because of the alarm.

Now, Tony, I know you're going through a hard time. I've just been through one

myself. But it's like you said, perhaps it's time to move on.

Move on?

Paul, I'm pregnant, and I'm in the middle of a divorce. I have no position

move on.

We don't have to jump into anything.

But I just remember it was easy with you. We had fun, we vibed.

Maybe we could pick up where we left off.

Find out if there's something really dear, and if it leads somewhere, then

I don't like to mix business with pleasure.

Fine. I've decided to buy the house. We'll have the paperwork done by

Business over.

Well, there's escrow.

The inspection process closing is a ways off.

Termites.

Tony, have dinner with me.

Whatever y 'all are doing, stop. I need some advice.

Paul kissed me.

And I'm not talking about a peck on the cheek.

I'm talking about bodies pressed up against a wall, and now he wants to go

with me. Oh, Tony. I know, I know, I know. I'm not ready to jump into a

relationship. Hell, I'm not even over Todd. But Todd doesn't want me.

And I need to move on and get a grip.

And maybe going out with Paul is a start, right?

Tony, maybe. That's not true.

I'm not looking for a man to rescue me. I plan to take care of myself and...

my baby but damn it feels good to be wanted maybe y 'all are used to being

rejected not me you know what i don't need all this judgment it's just a date

not marriage not a relationship a date that i'm going on no matter what y 'all

negative nelly say okay

You're over the Lynn thing.

Yeah. See?

I told you it wasn't a big deal.

Nope. The past is the past.

Yep. You know what? If Lynn and I had great sex... Nope.

Nope. Not according to Lynn.

What?

According to Lynn.

I'm a four?

You rated me a four?

John told you? Of course he told me. What'd you think she'd do?

Break up with you, cheat on you, laugh behind your back, but tell you?

That's just hurtful.

Hurtful? I used all my best moves.

On me?

Are you sure?

I mean, why?

Because I wanted a good score.

I know how it is when you girls go off to the spa and you get all naked and you

tell your sex stories.

We don't do that.

Well, I know how it is when you...

Trot off to the ladies' room and get all naked and tell your sex stories.

We don't do that either.

These days turn out to be a real bummer.

Look, William, let me tell you a little secret.

I only said you were four because I didn't want Joan to get all freaked out.

I mean, how would she react if she found out that her man had rocked my world?

So you thought telling her her man was a terrible lover was the better way to

go?

So I was good.

Extraordinary. Phenomenal. Like no other. You're my daddy.

All right.

This master's already got a new pony.

Still we cool?

Yes.

No.

I'm going to need a number.

Fine.

You're a ten.

See, I knew it. A ten.

Minus six.

Look at your sweetness.

Mommy has a date tonight, so I need to eat cute.

Don't worry, I'm going to put some beef jerky and some Skittles in my purse and

hook you up on a bathroom break, okay?

Well, he's early.

Can you blame him?

Look at it.

Hey. Hey. What are you doing here?

We need to talk.

Why, Todd?

What? You changed your mind? You want me back?

Yeah.

What?

I changed my mind. I want you back.

What?

I know.

It's the last thing you expected to hear from me, but I finally realized you

were right. You've been right.

We can make this marriage work if we try, and, well... We should try for the

baby.

So this is about the baby.

Some of it.

But it's also about us. When you signed those papers, it really hit home.

And before we start moving on and seeing other people, we should make sure it's

something we both want.

So that's what this is all about.

What do you mean?

Me going out on a date.

What? With Paul, Todd. Don't act like you don't know.

Are you afraid I'm moving on?

I won't be around to pine after old Todd?

No. Okay, so on the day I just happened to have a date, you decided to come over

here and say what I've been wanting you to say for the past six damn months,

Todd? What?

Who told you?

Never mind. I'll find out myself.

Tony, stop. This is silly.

Hello. Did you tell Todd I was going out with Paul tonight?

Huh? No.

Joan, I'm not playing with you.

Tony, I swear, I didn't tell Todd.

Then who did?

You guys were the only people who knew besides Paul and the girl who did my

-pedi, and she doesn't even speak English, so somebody better start

Put Lynn on the phone. I know her broke ass is over there. Tony.

Lynn, Tony wants to talk to your broke ass.

Hey, T -T -Tony, what's up, girl? Can you tell Todd I was going out with Paul

tonight? What?

When did I have to tell Todd?

Hey, you know I've been way too busy rehearsing the play.

Rizzo in Greece.

I told him, Tony. What the hell were you thinking, Maya?

Because I know you still want him. You had no right to tell my business.

Stop yelling at Maya. Get off the phone and talk to me.

Don't tell me what to do. We're divorced, remember?

Tony,

come out here. Stop this. Leave me alone. This is none of your business.

This is my business. You're my wife. Oh, so now I'm your wife?

Tony, I told him because I love you and I want you to be happy.

I am happy.

No, Tony, you're not.

You're not. He's right.

And I know because even though it's been two years, in my heart of hearts, Tony,

if Darnell wanted me back, if he gave me a hint that he wanted me back, I'd be

there in a heartbeat.

Excuse me, how's this about me?

No matter what I say, no matter what I do, okay, no matter what I write, I know

that Darnell's the one I want.

Get off the damn phone.

Tony, I don't have another chance, but you do.

Okay, now hate me if you want, but get off of this phone and go talk to your

husband.

Tony.

Todd.

You just want me back because you don't want anyone else to have me, and that is

not good enough.

You're right. The thought of you with someone else kills me, but so what?

It woke me up. I love you.

Why? What's changed?

I never stopped loving you.

I was just so angry, and I don't want to be angry anymore.

And I don't want them to win.

Who's them?

You know people took bets out on us, and no one thought we would make it.

So what?

Just pretend none of this ever happened?

Do you have any idea what you put me through?

I know. No, you don't know.

I allowed myself to look stupid for you, Todd, and I don't do that.

I don't want you to want me back just because some other man wants me. That's

always going to be the case.

I want you to want me, period.

Or at least want me because...

Please want me because I really want you.

I love you, Tony.

You're just saying that.

I'm just saying that because it's true.

Honey, come out here and talk to me.

Let's make this work.

If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.

So, the job is yours if you want it. I do.

I do. But before I accept, you should know that William and I slept together.

Oh, I already know. But William and I discussed it, and we have decided that

past is the past.

Oh, well, then, okay, great.

I accept.

So, down to business. I think we need a signature appetizer, and I have some

wonderful ideas on the subject.

How is William in bed?

No, it's okay.

Oh, you know, we're just talking.

Just talking.

Actually, girl,

he was the best I ever had.

The best of the best.

By the way, you're so fired.

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