Original subtitles

What are those heifers doing at our table?

Duh, eating.

Lynn, who's paying for your lunch?

Ooh, I don't know. Whose turn is it?

Not mine, but look, when I have a problem with something, we all have a

with something. That's the girlfriend's code.

What if what?

You go hungry?

Fine.

What are those heifers doing at our table?

Well, somebody better do something, because I only have an hour and a half

on my hour lunch.

You guys are driving me crazy.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Since your food hasn't come yet, would you guys mind moving to that table so we

can sit at this one? Why can't you sit at that table?

Well, see, we come here all the time, and this is our favorite table, so we

just hoping that you could help us out.

Well, if it means that much to you.

Who's paying for your lunch?

Sorry. We were here first.

But, see, it's the same table. Obviously, it's not the same table,

were the same table, you wouldn't be asking us to switch tables.

Look, we were trying to work with you, but I see I'm going to have to go over

your head and call my good friend Kevin out here. That would be who?

The manager.

That would be who?

The ex -manager.

William and some girlfriend who's only going to last about a minute. Okay, I am

not going all out.

We're just having a simple meal.

Back up.

We've just been so tough on William's girlfriend, and I just think that it's

time that we adjust our attitudes and welcome her, even if we end up hating

like we have all the others.

Hold on, wait a minute. Are we talking about some new girlfriend, or are we

talking about Ms.

Mocha?

Her name is Donna, and yes, it's Miss Moja.

Don't cram her, Brule. I hate her. Why?

Her. She gave me attitude, let me send her to the bus stop. All I was trying to

do was hook her and William up. And since I hate her, we have to all hate

Remember? The girlfriend's code. Oh, sorry, honey. That rule only applies to

girlfriends who paint their dudes.

Hey, everybody.

This is Donna.

I don't want to put anybody on the spot.

So what do you think?

That's rude.

No. Give them a chance to get to know me and for me to get to know them.

So what do you think? I'm cute, huh?

Hey, girl.

I'm Tony, and I was all ready to give you my typical cold shoulder, but I want

to tell my therapist I've made some progress, so I'm going to like you,

Hi, I'm Joan, and any friend of William's is a friend of ours.

Yeah, girl.

Except for his last three girlfriends.

But ding -dong, the witch is dead.

Hey, girl, I'm Maya, Williams' assistant.

We talked on the phone. How you doing?

Use a little of that pillow talk to get me a raise, okay?

Hi, Len.

Hi. Hey, Donna.

You remember me?

Yeah, I just said, hey, Lynn.

Oh, and I got conversation for Lynn.

Unlike the time you left me sitting in a bus stop, lapping my lips in the cold

breeze, huh?

I'm sorry. I ditched you because I thought you were one of those dangerous

schizophrenic homeless people.

Oh, girl, is that all it was?

I'll tell you, if I had a nickel.

Okay, everyone, dinner's ready.

I'll fix your plate.

I love my women to serve.

Here's when I'm not serving her.

Oh, whoa,

whoa, whoa, Donna.

William's actually allergic to capers. That's why I put them on the side. I

you're probably wondering why I made trout with caper sauce for William, but

fact is that...

William really loves trout, and I can't imagine trout without the caper sauce,

so that's why I put the capers on the side.

Hey, Joan, remember that Christmas party at Mr. Tweedleton's? Oh, my God, when

they served you the capers? Yeah.

Donna, you're going to love this one. The thing is, I had a plate full of

capers, right? But I had to find a place to dump them, you know, discreetly.

That's when I found the koi pond.

But who knew that capers killed koi?

We were totally going to come clean, but then we found out that koi...

It cost $7 ,000.

We blame the caterers. It was quite a coup. Not just any coup.

The Caterer Coin Caper Coup!

Well,

I can see where this evening is going, so you can see where I'm going. Bye.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold up, girl.

I'm blocking you in.

So that night will forever be known as... The Doggy Donut!

these dishes up i'm gonna bring out the dessert i'll help you no no no that's my

job i would have left by now but i'm a sucker for creme

brulee did the two of them ever date no yuck i

thought you slept with him yeah but i never dated him oh god donna you

know what william and i have completely been monopolizing this entire evening,

and we're supposed to be getting to know you.

So tell me, what do you do?

I work at a convalescent home. Oh, nursing, administrative.

No, I wipe butts and serve jello.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, that's not all.

Who's directing the upcoming Cinco de Mayo program?

Oh, my God.

I'm thinking burritos and Telemundo.

What about games? Does Cinco de Mayo have to have games?

Like pin the tail on the burro? Or even better, bobbing for jalapenos.

Genius.

Hey, hand me Maya's creme brulee.

You know, Donna, a little -known fact is that without the events that Cinco de

Mayo commemorates, Mexico would be French -speaking. Right, William? Right

are, my well -informed friend. Yeah, well... The people of Puebla, led by

General Zaragoza, fought against Napoleon III to defend their freedom.

They were triumphant, and that deserves celebration of the highest.

People of Revolucion!

Now, hand me Tony's creme brulee.

William, do you know what I'm thinking? Yeah, I think we need to plan this

fiesta for Donald.

Wonder Twin holiday powers, activate!

Shape of a giant sombrero! Form of sangria over ice!

Let me just knock back this bottle of Red Zin and go with the flow.

Do you know what the senior citizens are going to love?

A super -sized pinata!

Stuffed with denture cream and adult diapers.

And no celebration is complete without a song.

And I think you know the one. Oh, I think I know, too.

France installed an emperor and Mexico didn't like it. The Mexicans threw the

scoundrel out.

Cinco de Mayo.

Oh, my God. I think this calls for a diabetic coma.

Give me your creme brulee.

Cinco de Mayo.

Mexican's got a leader.

His name was Zaragoza. He really was something.

Cinco de Mayo.

Wait till you see me dressed like General Zaragoza.

You're not going to be able to keep your manos off me, cuerpo.

See? You're a really nice guy.

I've never been with a man who truly treated me like a lady.

And I will always appreciate you for that.

Uh -oh.

I think I hear a butt coming.

Did those heifers scare you off?

I just can't compete.

What are you talking about?

It's obvious, William.

You're in love with Joan.

Donna, that is just insane.

No, it's not.

You're in love with Joan.

How much of that red zen did you knock back?

You love her.

Stop saying that.

It's ridiculous and crazy.

And ridiculous.

And crazy. And Donna...

That's just ridiculous and crazy.

She knows your allergies.

She knows your pant size. She knows cheese makes you gassy. Oh, please.

Every unsuspecting passerby knows that cheese makes me gassy.

What about this Cinco de Mayo thing and the whole Wonder Twins business? That

was just scary.

Okay, everyone feels that way until they're inducted into the Justice

I'll tell you what.

You can be any superhero you want, except for Wonder Woman, because that's

Look, I don't want to be in your life ten years from now,

married, with a house full of kids, and one afternoon you come home and tell

me you realize you're in love with Joan.

How can you say that?

After everything I went through to get you to go out with me.

Do you realize how many times I almost gave up trying to win you over?

But I didn't.

Why?

Because I'm all about you.

Look at you, Donna. You're beautiful.

You make me laugh.

You make me nervous. Your smile lights up everything around you, especially me.

Joan's not the one, and I know that.

Because... Because why?

Because I never wanted to do this with Joan.

No. Look,

they're getting their things together. Just give them a minute.

Okay, now it's on.

Let me just talk to them.

We tried it your way. All right, now it's time for me to get cranshaw and get

little bit rowdy.

Oh, I'm right behind you. I got my hand on my Fresno, and I'm ready to get

country.

I think that one just let me the bird.

Let's rock and roll.

Okay, but wait, wait, wait. Just so I'm clear on our approach, we're going to be

a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll.

Come on.

a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. We got a little bit punk.

Let me tell the legend of, the legend of, the legend of, let me tell the

of that great historic day.

Please tell me the legend of, the legend of, the legend of, please tell me the

legend of that great historic day.

Why the gloomy Guillermo?

Where is your Cinco de Mayo spirit?

I don't know.

Well, come on.

It's going to be fantastic. I mean, can't you just see the two of us up

Yes, I can. That's why I don't want to do this. Well, why not?

Because.

Because who are you supposed to be anyway?

I am a simple peasant girl representing all the people of Puebla.

by you, the great General Zaragoza. Now do your march. No!

I don't want to sing and I don't want to march, Joan. Stupid.

Stupid?

I don't understand.

Eh, stupido.

We're gonna look like idiots up there.

Well, that's never stopped us before.

Now Donna's gonna be there.

And I... Look, it's demeaning to us.

It's demeaning to the people of Mexico, and we're making a mockery of the whole

holiday of Cinco de Mayo.

Oh, really?

Well, why don't you tell that to the millions of Mexicans who crowd the

and dance in costumes not unlike this one?

You just proved my point.

Oh, yeah?

Well, buenos dias to you, El Treteria.

You just called me an Italian restaurant!

I said, buenos dias!

Come on, Herman.

You need to go to the bathroom before the show starts.

I don't have to go. You will by the time you get there. Now, come on.

Why are you always rushing me, woman?

Because I'm trying to kill you, old man.

Now, go on.

If five wives and 20 mooching kids couldn't kill me, you sure can.

Hey, beautiful.

Hey.

This is for you.

Thank you.

William, I'm sorry about what I said the other night.

Like I said, I've never dated anyone like you before, and I guess I just got

little insecure.

Well, you don't need to be.

Look, I'm here.

This is exactly where I want to be.

Hey, Donna, there's no toilet paper.

Oh, God.

I think he's in the phone booth again.

I'll be back.

Hello.

Looks real nice.

Real south of the border.

Oh, come on. Now you're not talking to me?

The love of holiday is something we shared, William, and you just tossed it

the disposal like rancid taco meat.

Look, some of us are swept up with all things Mexican.

Look, I'm sorry. If you were truly sorry, then you would go and put on your

General Zarangota costume and help me unload the cannon from the car.

You got a cannon?

I'm nothing, if not authentic.

Oh, man, I've always wanted to do a musical number with an artillery piece.

And a horse.

What about a burrow?

No way!

We got five minutes to curtain, William. Are you with me?

Well... Well, you can write in on the burrow.

No.

Look, I don't want anything to do with you or your ass.

Lady, please, just strip or shut up.

I

don't

know if you're lying to me or to yourself, but you love that woman.

I do not.

Look, Joan and I are like sister and brother.

Well, then.

You got the hots for your sister, brother.

were meant to be together.

Look, I wasn't planning on telling you this, ever.

But desperate times call for desperate measures.

A psychic led me to you.

What? A psychic pointed you out on the street and said that you were the one

me.

A psychic? Yes.

Led you to me?

Yes. And if you can't believe a psychic on the street, you might as well toss

your faith right out the window.

Well, William, maybe the psychic led you to me so I could lead you to

her.

Now, everybody!

Good luck.

Thank you!

A little burr on the butt.

She's a handful.

This means, don't you? Uh -huh.

We're going to talk all big and then turn tail and run?

Damn right we run.

Back to Skia, because our table is free. Come on.

Oh, hell,

I cannot believe this.

What are we going to do now? Well, you guys, we can't harass poor police

officers. No, no, but we can do something better.

and their sensitivity training.