Original subtitles

My name is Maya, and I am a single mother.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Maya, Maya, what the hell are you doing?

We're going to do my lazy aftercare.

No. Look, I'm trying to do a documentary on the plight of a single mother, okay?

Not a black woman's guide to making a fool of herself.

Just be yourself, you know?

Be natural.

Keep it real. Be natural. Keep it real. Okay, girl, my bad. I thought you wanted

something prepared.

Okay, well, then you need to be more clear and specific about what you want,

okay? All right? Because I am a single mother, and I have single mother things

to do. You may not know what they are, but they are single and real, so I can't

be real.

Matter of fact, turn the camera back on, because I'm ready for the real, for

real. Thank you.

Maya Wilkes, single mother, take two.

Action.

My name is Maya Wilkes, and I...

Good!

I know I need to shave, but damn.

What's up, huh? You out of sugar?

Need a stamp?

Got stranded, need me to float your roll of toilet paper again? What?

No, your limo is here, Miss Daisy.

Oh, honey, don't hate the limo. Hate the fact that you ain't got one.

Now, look, I may not have a limo, but when I have a date, I do know how to

it. Oh, really? Treat it with what? A piggyback ride? Because ain't your car

broke down?

Dealer recall.

Whatever. It's still blocking the alley.

Look, all I'm trying to say is, however the brother gets to the door, he needs

to get to the door.

Doesn't it bother you that the driver's always picking you up and not Alex? I

mean, my man is treating you like you're a groupie or something.

Excuse me?

Maya, I'm just trying to talk to you as a friend, okay? Now, I'm not trying to

start nothing.

Great. Don't start none, won't be none.

Hey, Maya.

What now, Jalen?

Hey, do you think your driver can swing a brother by pet boys?

Maya, I have only two words for you.

Jackpot and your ass is deep in it.

Private parties, limousines.

Baseball boyfriend.

Tony, Alex is not my boyfriend.

Okay, baseball boy toy, whatever.

And plus, I'm not with Alex for all that.

Of course you're not.

So where's Sammy Sosa anyway? I thought he was going to be right into the party

with us.

Uh -oh, he said he's going to meet us there.

No.

Have you let your little baseball player slide in the home yet?

No.

I let him still second, but I picked him off trying to make a move toward third.

Good girl. Wait till he renegotiates that contract.

Where's your baseball player boyfriend?

He's not my boyfriend.

Boy toy.

Alex. His name is Alex. And he said he's going to meet us there.

And you know what, Lynn? You don't need to be worried about him. You need to be

worried about you.

Girl, you cannot be rolling up in the party looking like, I'll just burp you

out.

Don't worry. I packed a change of clothes.

What did you pack? An extra pair of armpits? Because you're killing me.

This funk comes from working. I've been out all day interviewing struggling.

Single mothers. The ones who wash limos, not ride in them.

Just because I am fortunate enough to have limousine service does not mean

I am not struggling.

All right, last time I checked, this is not Christelle.

Hello, ladies.

Hi. Hi.

Hey, girls.

Oh,

my God. This is really nice.

We love my baseball player.

Yay. Baseball has been very, very good to us.

Where's your baseball player boyfriend anyway?

He's not my boyfriend.

Boy toy.

Alex. His name is Alex and Joan. He said he was going to meet us there.

Okay.

What's that smell?

It smells like perfume and... Fuck.

I'm not finished, okay?

He's with me. I hope you don't mind me bringing my main man, Dan.

Hey! Well, the blacker the berries, the sweeter the juices.

Look out, lady.

Dan has bought a day game.

Uh, William, since when did you get a male friend?

Oh, we've had a cadre of comrades.

But now that little Maya's dating a future Hall of Famer, they've started

returning my calls.

Well, Dan did.

So, what's your name?

Gonorrhea.

Pretty.

So, Maya, where's our baseball -playing boyfriend?

He's not my boyfriend.

Boy toy.

Alex! His name is Alex, okay? And for the last time, he said he's going to

us there. So all of you just need to sit back, shut up, and enjoy the damn rye.

So what do you do for fun?

I kill people.

I can get with that.

And William, you're sure Alex will sign our rookie cards? Of course.

Trust me.

Alex is my best friend, my pal, my age boon. Trust me.

Hey, Maya. Yo.

You've got to get Alex to sign these for me. I'll do anything.

I'll give you a week off. A week?

Cool. But then I haven't signed one of your butt cheeks.

Can't sell a butt cheek on Ebay.

of Alex Mendoza, we should be on the VIP list. Name?

Maya Wilkes. Correction. It's Maya Wilkes plus one very attractive posse.

Except for minus this one because he's not getting anywhere near my posse.

Sorry. Don't see a Maya Wilkes or her posse.

Okay, well, there must be some kind of mistake because we should be on that

list. Why?

Who are you?

I'm Alex's... I'm his... special friend.

Special friend?

Girl, we're at the Velvet Rope. Unless you have some special drugs to knock

wall -up brother out, we ain't getting in. You better whip out the wife card.

Look, somebody better whip out something, because I got to pee like a

Guys, you know what? This is crazy.

I'm seeing this man, and I don't even know what to call myself.

How about my girl?

Does that work for you?

Maya will. She's with me. No problem.

Name?

Maya Wilkes.

Name?

Maya Wilkes.

I cannot believe you, Alex. I was not scoping you. Maya, come on, please. You

were peeping me.

You know how they do. The women, they always play. I see him. I think he's

looking. Okay, but I'm not going to talk to him again. I know what you're

talking about. I get that one all the time.

So honestly, you can really say you didn't feel no attraction between us

first met? Yes, I can really say that I did not feel any.

She can't honestly say anything with that million -dollar tongue down her

throat.

How about we take this show back to my place?

Honey, I would like to, but I can't have rehab for my arm in the morning.

I cannot miss.

Oh, come on.

You know, you never come over.

What's that about?

You always have something to do or somewhere to go.

I think I just want to spend some time with you.

Alone.

And you will, okay? I promise.

I promise.

I'm going to call you.

You guys.

It was nice meeting you. I got to go.

No, no, no, no, no. Keep having fun and nice on me.

Bye.

Except her.

I got gonorrhea.

What's up?

Is that your hair?

That was so much fun.

I haven't done that since prom.

Oh, or this.

Oh, sweetie.

God, I know how you feel.

It reminds me of when Ellis and I first started dating.

He took me to that premiere, and then he just completely pushed me aside.

Yeah, but, you know, you and Ellis were different, Joan. I mean, you had issues,

and he was a screwed -up actor. Totally different.

Right? I don't know.

I haven't dated a lot, so I don't really know what to expect.

But I just feel like I'm the only one trying to build a relationship.

Then just talk to him, sweetie.

I don't think I can do this.

Yes, you can.

You just have to tell him how you feel.

No, not Alex.

I mean, I can't talk to you looking like a troll doll.

What the...

It's open.

Lynn, what the hell?

Hello, kid.

Lynn,

what's going on here?

Nothing but a heated game of blackjack.

I'm up three starbursts, a blow pop, and a Snoop Dogg CD.

Hit me.

Lynn, you have all of my furniture.

I know. I'll send you a thank you note. I found some lovely ones in my new

credenza.

How did Alex get into my play?

Oh, Alex didn't come. I let in some delivery guys.

Apartment managers can do that, you know. Hit me.

Who were they?

Well, this is Trey. What's up?

Malik. Yo.

Will. Pleased to meet you, ma 'am.

And Lily.

Pete.

I was interviewing their mothers for my documentary, and I'm kind of paying them

with free babysitting.

And who were they?

I don't know, but they weren't in the original headcount.

We can play cards or what?

Yeah, because that's my mom's new dog. I need to win that back.

You know what, Lynn? You can have all of my new stuff, but I want all my old

stuff when I get back.

So, kids, who wants to play the move the furniture game again? If we find out

this isn't a real game, I'm not going to be the only one missing some teeth.

All I'm saying is the bases were loaded.

Would it have killed you to lean into one of them?

You know, you cost me a lot of money on that game.

But if you put your Juan Hancock on all these babies, we'll call it even.

Oh, hey, baby.

What's up? You all right?

I know that frost.

Hope you got your cup on.

What's the matter, baby? You don't like the furniture?

Of course, I liked it.

Alex, what I don't like is the fact that I'm supposed to just accept it like I'm

some sort of gold digger or something.

Who called you a gold digger? Nobody, because I'm not one.

But, you know, I don't think you understand that.

I understand. No, no, no, I don't think you do.

Alex, all of this whining and dining and limos and furniture, it's not me. I'm

not like that.

You know, and it's not my place to accept these things from you.

Not your place.

You are my girl, right?

Yeah, but I... Well, then it's your place to accept it.

It's my girl's place to have nice things given to her.

It's my girl's place to be showered with things she's never had before.

And it's also my girl's place not to penalize me for having money.

Okay, Maya, I'm rich.

Yeah, well... And if I'm rich, then my girl is rich, too.

She benefits.

If you're waiting for me to act like some ordinary guy, I'm sorry, I cannot

it. I'm not ordinary.

And neither are you.

Which is why I care about you so much.

I care about you too.

Good.

Then know your place, okay?

It's with me.

All day, every day.

You're my special girl.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

There you go.

So, I've been invited up to an estate in Bel -Air

to have tea and to hobnob with all the other ballplayers. I like the sound of

that, girl.

I like the way she threw in the word hobnob.

Only a few women at the girlfriend level have ever broken into the Y Club

League.

And to do it without letting a baseball player dip his bat?

Your ass is good.

After he gets his bail from treating us to this spa day, I may have to wave a

brother home tonight.

And could you do me a favor and say that again? I'd like to document how a

single mother would degrade herself to get a toe painted.

Hey, you come on that camera. I'm canceling your pedicure.

Well, then I'm signing off because I got some toenails that could climb a tree.

So, Maya, how'd you work things out with Alex?

Well, we talk things over, and I just have to accept the fact that he's a star

athlete, and I'm his girl, and it's my place to be showered with things I've

never had before, so it don't hang.

Now that we're all sucking from the athlete.

Where to next, sugar mama?

Well, Alex is at some sort of baseball function, and he's always talking about

how it's happening on the roof of the Criterion.

So, you girls down?

Looks like we're up on the roof.

The roof, the roof is on fire.

We don't need no water, let's burn.

Oh, God, not him again. Oh, my God, what are you, like, the only bouncer in L

.A.? You're everywhere.

Okay, I'm a bouncer.

That's what I do.

Bounce around.

Excuse us while we bounce on in.

Lady, this is a private party.

No invite, no inside.

Private party? That's crazy. Remember us? We're Maya Wilson.

Hey, what are you doing? Is that Alex?

Oh, oh, my goodness. It sure is.

Okay, guys, we are so in there.

Alex!

Hey, Alex!

Hey.

How you doing? Hey, baby.

Hey.

I'm good. How are you? What are you guys doing here? Trying to get into the

party. What are you doing here? I thought you had a baseball function to

Oh, I do. This is it.

One of my buddies plays for Anaheim. This is his party. Oh, well, cool.

Then could you tell the rock over here that we're with you so we can get this

party started?

Hi.

Oh, Maya, I cannot just invite anyone into my man's party. That's not right.

You're not just inviting anyone into your man's party. You're inviting your

girlfriend and her three girlfriends.

Her three cute girlfriends?

Cute shoes on.

Whose feet are starting to hurt.

Just want to clarify.

I don't want to see what the problem is, baby.

The problem is I did not invite you. You know, if I thought this was an

appropriate place for my girl to be, I would have asked you to come, but I

don't, so I didn't.

Alex, you don't control where I will or will not go.

It's the public place.

Yes, but it's a private party.

Okay, Maya, this is no place for you.

All right, there are no wives or girlfriends in here.

Only the ballplayers.

Excuse me.

Who in the hell are they? The bad girls?

Oh, those?

Those are just women.

No!

Hey, I did not invite them here either, okay?

They're just here.

Here for who, Alex?

Here for whoever, I don't know.

Honey, let's just... You know, no, no, you know what?

Maybe you can help me wrap my head around this, because I'm having a really

tough time understanding this whole thing, okay?

I'm going to ask you one more time.

Will you or will you not get us into this party?

Maya, I am just saying. What are you saying?

I'm just saying. Maya,

I'm just saying. What are you saying? I don't really hear anything.

I'm saying no, Maya. Get it?

He doesn't want you here.

You're messing up his game.

You're saying to the beach, you're the trophy. He only wants to flash when he

feels like it.

Honey, I know I've been there.

You know what he's doing.

Come on, you know why these women are in here.

You don't have to hear him say it to know it's true.

He's a coward.

Screw him.

Yeah!

Well, hey, Sister Ella.

Oh, you home early from the ball, huh? Watch that limo turn into a pumpkin on

you.

You could say that.

Hey, look, Maya.

I'm sorry about the other day, okay?

You know, I shouldn't be getting in your business like that.

I was just making bad jokes.

Whatever. It doesn't matter.

Alex and I are through.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

What can you do?

Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

I guess it's true what Big Mama used to say.

If a man ain't already crazy, he ain't far from it.

Oh, whoa, whoa. Hey, come on now. Not to totally diminish the words of Big Mama,

but not all of us men are crazy.

Well, it doesn't even matter anyway, because I'm not looking.

You know, sometimes that's when you find them.

I'm not going to find anything, Jalen.

Okay, unless they flash across my 30 -inch flat screen.

Oh, so you're keeping the furniture. Hell yeah. I'm mad at Alex, not the

furniture. Ain't the plan, not the plasma.

You got to admit, it's fate we both ended up here together.

No, it's not, because you've been stalking me for three days.

True.

So when are you going to go out with me?

The day after never.

Okay, but that day is looking pretty full.

Look, you know what? I'm not going to go out with you, okay?

Why you got to burn me like this, gonorrhea?