Original subtitles

I have pepper spray.

No, no, no, no, look, I'm not trying to hurt you.

I know it must have been weird last time.

Stranger coming up to you out of the blue, but I just want to get to know you

better. Really, trust me, I'm no psycho stalker.

Look, I have some, uh... Oh, no, no, don't spray!

Don't spray!

Please, I just have some papers here.

Just papers that will prove to you that I'm a stand -up guy.

See, my birth certificate.

Oh, here's my driver's license.

Now, I wish I'd gotten my hair cut before, but it's a good likeness.

And my bar association card.

I'm a lawyer.

Do any personal injury stuff?

No, just mostly corporate.

Here's my Eagle Scout badge. Now, you know they just don't throw these around.

Here's a picture of my mama.

Another picture of my mama.

Still another picture of my mama.

It's before she got the perm.

So, would you like to go out sometime?

Please, I go out with him before I go out with you.

Sorry, toots, I'm gay.

But you, I do like me a good mama's boy.

Yeah, like I said, I just came by to borrow your music to make love by CD. I

figured I'd get it out of your house so it wouldn't torment you on Valentine's

Day. Tony, I'm fine being alone.

Oh, you poor, pathetic, valentineless pool of denial.

Come here.

Let me console you. What? Oh, okay. Tony.

Tony! Uh -huh?

I'm fine.

Really? I am.

You got your CD?

Go!

I should get back.

I mean, Todd's been doing a bunch of romantic stuff at the build -up to

Valentine's Day, and I should be there for some of that.

Hey, Tony, wait a minute.

Are you going shopping tomorrow?

Am I gorgeous and witty?

Great. Can you return this watch for me? I bought it at Neiman's, and I got it

for Brock for Valentine's Day, but, you know, since we're not together

anymore... Oh, forget Todd.

I'll stay here and cry you through the holiday.

First... We'll find a hammer and smash this stupid watch to pieces like Brock

did your heart.

Tony, it was expensive. I just want my money back.

To hire someone to break his leg?

Stop, Tony, really. Come on.

I'm in a good place.

Really.

My mother once told me that when you break up with someone, God sends you

the equivalent or better.

Is that what she was saying?

I thought she was saying when you run out of love's lubricant, use butter.

What? You know how your mama mumbles? And we know she's a freak.

Then we can meet at the bar for cocktails at 7, go downstairs for

exchange Valentine's gifts.

Yeah, I was thinking.

With our debt, maybe the best Valentine's gift we can give each other

give each other gifts at all.

I don't know what to say.

For you to call it our debt and to sacrifice a gift that's so selfless, so

thoughtful, so not like you.

What did you buy?

Oh, um, $2 ,500 pair of boots.

You spent $2 ,500 on shoes?

Boots, Todd, I'm not crazy.

How could you? Todd, our budget shouldn't be about spending no money. It

be about spending money in the right places.

And me walking around in $500 flats with leather uppers?

That ain't right.

Fine. We won't exchange gifts.

Listen to you.

Trying to make it sound like it was your idea.

That's it for today.

Don't forget, exam on Monday.

Bring your blue book.

Thank you, Professor.

Do you have last week's notes, dear? I've got all of them.

Then I have last week's notes.

Great. Okay.

Oh, you're awesome.

Thank you, girl.

All right.

What's this?

Read it.

Okay.

Please flies my valentine. Oh, no, no, no. Those are not flies. Those are bees.

Please bees my valentine?

Okay. Listen, listen.

Would you like to go to dinner with me?

I don't think so.

No? You don't like the bees? No.

The bees are great. It's just I don't know you.

Oh, well, I'm Alex.

Maya, I still don't know you.

I've been watching you here in the class and seeing how into it you are.

I like that about you.

This degree is very important to me.

I see. Claro to me, too.

Then why don't you take in your own notes?

Oh, oh, you know what?

Not bad. Here, you know what? Take your money and here, take one for free. For

free? Yeah.

Now you really got to let me take you to dinner.

Between school, work, and being a single mom, all the time I do have left, I

need to study.

And for hustling notes.

I can't take them back.

Okay, somewhere I think we take a wrong turn, okay?

I really just tried to take you to dinner.

Thank you, but no.

I guess I'll just see you around.

See ya.

Girl, you better jump on that.

I don't want him.

But he's feeling you, and you need to be trying to feel him back.

What are you, his P -I -N -P?

He doesn't need one. That's Alex Mendoza.

Who? Come on, American League Rookie of the Year.

Three million dollar signing bonus.

Oh, girl, you don't know nothing about baseball.

He plays for the team with the little birdies on their hats.

Sorry, still not interested.

And can you put in a good word for me?

What am I, your P .I .M .P.? No, no, no, it's not like that. I just need you to

talk to the girl for me. See, the psychic said that she's the one for me.

But I think I might have scared her off.

Wouldn't scaring her off imply she's not the one?

No, no, no, I'm not deterred by her fear nor her pepper spray.

Please, Lynn, just wait at the bus stop for me.

Look, how will I even know if it's her?

This is a picture of her.

Isn't she beautiful?

Just ignore her flipping me the bird.

I don't know about this one, William.

Come on, Lynn. If I don't ever get to know her, I'll be spending the rest of

life wondering if she was the one.

Look, I sympathize with you, but I'm not going to wait at some bus stop. I'll

add an extra thousand to your alimony settlement.

Just draw the map on my hand.

Just come busting in here. The hell I can't. That woman doesn't have a date.

wasn't at work. She's not answering her cell phone. What does that tell you? She

has a life.

It means she's done harm to herself.

Now, I'm going to check the back and see if she's overdosed. You check the

garage for carbon monoxide poisoning.

Okay, no sign of foul play.

Why are you just sitting there?

Tony, calm down. Maybe she just went out.

Yeah, to get a garden hose and a full tank of gas.

When she gets back, she's going to have a reason to live.

What's that?

A gift.

You bought Joan a Valentine's Day gift? Yeah, it's a tennis bracelet. She was

hoping to get one from Brock, but since they're not together anymore, I'm going

to be there for her.

Wait a minute.

I can't just leave this here hoping she'll be all right. I've got to find

That's what she expects me to do.

Don't just sit there picking your nose. Help me look for clues.

Father Joan.

Aha!

The paper's open to the movie section.

And her movie sweater is gone, too.

Oh, dear God, it's worse than I thought.

She hasn't killed herself.

She's gone to the movies alone.

Not a dollar.

Hi.

Hey.

I'm a friend of William's.

The big gum with the mama issues?

Yes. Look, I'm here to tell you, he is a great guy.

He's just interested in getting to know you. It'd be great if you'd give him a

chance.

What are you, his P .I .M .P.? No.

I am his friend.

Well. He used to be his roommate, which was before we were sex buddies, but way

before we got married.

We're not married anymore, don't worry. He's a sham of a marriage. But he cared

enough to give me alimony.

See, we do things like that for each other.

Like the time I shot his fiancée with a tranquilizer dart.

Girl, that's a story for another time.

I knew being alone on Valentine's Day would send you plummeting into deep

depression, so I'm here to be your rock.

I'm your reason to live. Shh, shh.

Tony, I'm fine.

Girl, please, don't run.

The only people who go to movies alone are lonely, pathetic women and perverts.

Put that thing away.

I'm here for you, girl, so just go ahead, let it out.

Tony, I'm not crying because I'm depressed.

I'm crying because it's a bad part of the movie.

Joan, you're hurting inside.

Sweetie, it's okay to let that show.

And besides, he regains his eyesight in a minute. Now, when his fiance gets hit

by the Amtrak, whoo, that's sad.

Thanks a lot.

Oh, shut up. It's not like I told you they were brother and sister.

Tony, you are ruining the movie. Be quiet.

Well, you were in the popcorn. Where's the butter?

Thanks to you, Tony, I can no longer eat butter.

Now, I really just wanted to spend the day alone. Will you please?

I know go means stay.

No go means get the hell on and get out of here.

Fine.

I'll go.

As long as I can keep my eye on you.

Excuse me.

We've had some complaints.

Could you come with me, please?

Me, please?

Please?

Davis. Hey.

Hi.

Hi. Guys.

Wow, what's it been, like three years?

Oh, yeah, at least.

Oh, God.

So how are you? I'm really good.

It is so nice to see you.

So are you here with somebody?

Oh, no, no.

Me neither.

And I'm okay with it.

In fact, I've really been enjoying my day alone.

Well, I wasn't.

Until now.

Excuse me.

Are you Maya Wilkes?

Who wants to know?

I'm Edward from the limousine service.

Alex Mendoza sent me to take a Maya Wilkes to her evening class.

How do I know that you're not some killer who rented some bogus uniform to

me into his panel van, drop me down some well to fatten me up and make a coat

out of my skin?

I can see I'm going to be driving you to one of those special schools.

Oh, no, you didn't. Oh, yes, I did.

Let me break it down for you.

Somebody is trying to do something nice for you.

So get your books and get in the damn stretch, men.

A stretch limo?

Okay, you know what? You should have said that from jump. No serial killer

a stretch.

Hey, Maya, where are you headed to?

Oh, I'm just going to class in a stretch limo. You know how I do.

Hey, Maya.

Where's Maya? She's going to class in a limo. You know how she'd do.

Well, what happened? Did you find her?

Well, the good news is she was back at the bus stop, so you didn't scare her

away. Hey, what's the bad news?

I scared her away.

What? Lynn?

Hold on, hold on.

Good news is, I followed her to work. So, I got her name. It's Donna. And her

schedule. So you'll know when to expect her back at the bus stop. Well, what's

the bad news?

I got arrested for trespassing and breaking open a filing cabinet.

I need a lawyer.

I'm sorry. I only do corporate.

All I'm saying is, your restaurant probably would have stayed open if you

hiked up the prices on the crab cakes. Please, I would have stayed open if I

hadn't been giving you crab cakes for free. That's not true.

Joan, how come we never got together?

Well, I think it had something to do with your fiancée, Ava, and the fact

she didn't like to share.

Yeah, well...

Ava and I went the way of the restaurant.

You guys broke up?

I'm sorry.

No, don't be.

We just weren't meant to be.

Felt like we were together just to be together, you know?

We weren't soulmates.

Well, that's not all it's cracked up to be.

I found my soulmate.

Unfortunately, he didn't want to have kids.

I'm sorry.

Say lovey.

You know, Joan.

Huh? We almost got together on Valentine's Day.

Maybe this Valentine's Day we can finally get it right.

You know, it's funny.

The old Joan would have seen our chance meeting at the movie theater as a sign

that we should be together.

And here comes the big brush -off. No, Davis, this isn't a brush -off. It's

of a... Okay, so it's a brush -off.

But it's not about you.

I'm just in such a different place. I'm enjoying being by myself.

In fact, I really... I just wanted to spend the day at the movies.

And I'm ruining that.

No, I am having such a good time catching up with you.

But... Honestly, if I were to leave right now, I could catch the 7 .45

show.

Maybe we're just meant to be friends.

I'd like that.

I've got something for you.

Tony, we said we weren't going to exchange gifts.

Uh -uh -uh, just open it.

You return the boots.

I saw how hurt you were when I got Jonah a gift and hadn't gotten you anything.

You saw that?

Yeah, all by myself.

And I didn't have to have my friends explain your feelings to me or read your

little diary. What?

The point is, I saw you were hurting and I did something about it. See?

I'm growing.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Please, just give me one moment of your time and I'll leave you alone.

I promise.

Forever? Yes, forever.

Please.

Look, I'm just a regular guy.

I mean, I'm no different from anybody else.

I'm just trying to find that special someone, you know?

Go on.

Well, I never approached anybody at a bus stop before.

So that earlier stuff, you can just chalk up to me.

not understanding the proper bus stop protocol.

If we can, I'd really like to start fresh from this moment, because I see

something in you that really makes me want to get to know you better.

I'm just asking you to take a chance.

Look, I'm going to be here in an hour.

It's a public place with plenty of people, plenty of escape routes. If you

any interest at all, meet me there.

And if you don't show up, I promise you I'll never bother you again.

Okay?

You are going to talk to me once we get to dinner, right?

If I finish this chapter.

Look, Mr.

Superstar, if you're going to date me, you've got to let me get my study on.

In fact, if you're going to date me, I need to see you get your study on.

I know you're making millions now, but what are you going to fall back on when

baseball is over, huh?

The interest on my millions.

I'm kidding.

Yeah.

Well, I'm not.

All right, now grab a book and get to cracking.

the manager.

Oh my bad.

Enjoy your hot dog.