Original subtitles

Morning. How you doing? Good morning.

I'm doing fine.

I got my idea. Girl, what you reading? What?

The Courage to Be Rich.

Yes. Now, you know that's a mess, and I know it. If all it took was some

courage, then I'd be on somebody's magazine as the one to watch instead of

here on the watch.

You know, you always got something to say. I always got something to say

I ain't never got nothing to do.

I just wish one of y 'all would step out of line so I can just whip out my

flashlight.

Because you know they won't give a brother a gun.

You are so funny.

Here you go.

What's that, Melville?

Mm -hmm, that's me, Mellie Melville.

And you are Maya Wilk, 27th floor, Goldberg, Sweetilson, McDonald, and Lee.

Yes, that would be me.

So, how would you like to go out with Mellie Melville?

Ground floor, East Lobby, security.

Um, thank you, Mellie Mel, but, uh, I'm...

I'm not dating right now.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Come on.

I know you ain't feeling them pencil neck lawyers upstairs. No, not you.

I know your type.

You are a corporate honey with a thug passion.

And in a few months, we'll be married.

And then we'll buy a house together and we'll decorate it.

Actually, I'll decorate it. And you'll say, yeah, I like that.

And then after two years of us just thinking of nothing but each other and

remodel, we'll open up our home and our hearts to a rescue puppy.

No, wait.

We should probably have the kids first.

So they can play with the puppy and grow up together.

Jo.

I don't want to have any children.

I mean, I've just never seen having kids as part of my life.

What are you thinking?

I'm just thinking... Here I go. Just jumping ahead again.

We haven't even gotten to the engagement party, and here I am, putting us in the

delivery room.

We're engaged.

We should just enjoy being engaged.

I love you.

I love you, too.

So, basically what you're saying is that you didn't get married.

Yeah, but I got engaged.

That's huge.

Well, it would be huge if you hadn't tricked us into believing you were going

get married. Yeah, but this ring says I'm gonna get married.

No, that ring says I'm embarrassed to be seen in front of Tony's ring.

Look, y 'all, my ring had a baby.

You know what, Joan? We actually drove to Vegas looking for you so it could be

part of your alleged wedding.

Talk about taking a trip for nothing.

Oh, uh -uh. Honey, that shit was not for nothing.

I got me a size Celine Dion t -shirt, won $129 at Keno, and I think I have

enough comps for a free breakfast buffet at the Excalibur.

Okay, it is official.

None of y 'all are invited to my wedding.

Well, if the size of that wedding matches the size of that ring, there

any room for us anyway.

Okay, okay.

Just because I'm still mad at you for not getting married doesn't mean I can't

congratulate you on your engagement.

I'm happy for you, girl.

He's not as happy as I'd be if he'd been married.

Yeah, Joan.

You didn't settle.

You got engaged to your enchanted love.

I'm proud of you, girl.

And, Joan, this is a real thing.

I know because I prayed for it. And that's big, because usually I don't pray

anybody but myself.

That's probably why you got him, girl.

Thank you, guys.

Thanks. But, you know, there, um... There is one problem.

What? Well, it's not really a problem. It's more of an issue.

You know what? I don't know why I brought it up. You haven't brought it

He doesn't want to have children.

No, it's just something he said.

That'll change.

Mm -hmm. When you get pregnant.

Sure turned Darnell around.

And he was all set to go off to a four -year college.

But your fast ass changed all that.

We love Jabari, okay?

He's a miracle to us.

Because it's none of your damn business. That's why.

Sounds like I got here just in time. What are we talking about?

Maya was asked out on a date yesterday.

Very handsome man. And she turned him down flat.

He's a security guard.

That's what's wrong with black women today.

It's not good enough for a man to just have a job.

You've got to have a college degree and a six -figure income to get anywhere

with your trifling women.

You got all that.

Who are you dating?

You all have a lot of issues.

Let's just focus in on this one.

Maya, you know what you are. What?

Your class is for egregious. And I'm so proud of how you just buzzed.

Welcome to the right side of the track, girl.

Now we can hang.

We already hang.

Well, now I can tell people.

You know what, Tony?

Thank you.

You just held a mirror up to my face, and I don't like what I see.

Oh, girl.

That ain't nothing but a little period pimple.

William, tell Melly Mel I'll go out with him.

About three to five days.

It's just that when I had this scallop, it made me think of Gallop, which made

me think of the pony that I never got as a kid that one day I want to get for

our kid.

Look, we can chuck the pony, but damn it, I want that kid.

Parenting is just not something I want to do with my life.

Is it a philosophical issue?

Is it a medical issue?

Or do you just hate kids? No, I love kids.

Great.

Then it's settled.

Knock me out.

Joan, when I look at our life together, I see us traveling the world, eating

out, sleeping in, wasting entire weekends doing nothing.

I just don't see kids as part of that picture.

That's just selfish.

Well, maybe it is.

But you know what?

When people know in their heart of hearts that they don't want to have kids

they have them anyway, that's stupid.

I'd rather be a little selfish than stupid.

Brock, what are we going to do?

Joan. Don't worry.

You're a lawyer.

I'm an agent.

I'm sure we'll figure out a way to close the deal.

Hi, Brady. Hey. How are you?

Fine. Hi, Mr. Brock. How was your day?

Fine. How are you?

Who are you?

My name is DuBois, and I am very well behaved.

Oh, honey, I know we were supposed to see a Rare Keith Jarrett concert

but Maya had an emergency, and we were asked to babysit. Oh, really? Yeah. What

kind of emergency?

Oh, she found some Rare Keith Jarrett tickets.

Joan, you gave away our tickets.

Well, Maya doesn't get out much. And why would she want to? What would...

He's such an adorable and well -behaved little boy.

Now do I hug him and tell him I love him?

Yes, sweetie. Now go back to my room. Yeah, so I get my $20, right?

Yes, sweetie. Cash?

Just go.

Joan, I know you're trying to prove a point, but you just proved mine.

We don't need kids when you can rent them for $20.

I just wanted you to see what you were missing.

Kids are so much fun. Kids keep you young. And there'll be plenty of kids in

life. All of my nieces and nephews, all of our friends' kids, they'll all be

part of our life.

Brock, the only reason that I learned to love these hips is because I knew that

they were perfect for bearing children.

Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan. What? Listen, when I was growing up, my Uncle

and my Aunt Honey were the coolest people I knew.

They taught me about art, took me to Spain, introduced me to jazz, and they

do all of that because they chose not to have kids of their own.

And we can be all of that for all of the kids in our lives when we want to.

And when we don't want to, we don't have to.

See? We get the best of both worlds.

Uh, Mr. Jones, I've got some bad news.

What? Somehow, water spilled all over your laptop.

Spain, huh?

Hey, William, what's up? Lynn!

You're not seeing anyone, right?

William, I'm not going to have sex with you.

Sex?

You're talking crazy. I want to marry you.

I'm sorry, what?

Look, you know Joan and I have a seriously competitive relationship.

You remember our mad dash for senior partnership?

Yeah, but neither of you made senior partner.

But I'm winning the race.

And you know why?

Because I have two things that Joan doesn't have.

Craftiness and an iron will to succeed.

I believe it was Mama who once said, William, let no man say you nay.

Yeah, well, with all due respect to Mama, nay.

Come on, then. I cannot allow Joan to get married before me.

She's a loser, and I'm not. So marry me. Marry me quickly.

William, this is insane.

I think you need medication.

And I think you need a place to live.

What are you, a month away from Maya putting you out?

Why? What have you heard?

Maya's saying you're a month away from her putting you out.

But if you marry me, you'll have a place to live.

Rent free.

Mel, I want to be honest.

first asked me out, I turned you down.

And I turned you down because I didn't want to date a man who worked as a

security guard.

That's just not right.

And that's not me.

Are you right that's not right?

But I appreciate you owning up to your feelings. Thank you. Having a little Dr.

Phil moment, ain't you?

Well, I'm glad I got past it because I'm having such a great time. You really

are. You're a nice guy.

That's because I understand your dilemma.

The Oprah broke this down into two parts.

About the professional woman dating a blue -collar man.

Apparently, that's sweeping the nation.

You know, you watch a lot of TV. That's what the Melly Mail does.

I feel, I relax, and I watch it, my TV.

Yeah, I noticed you even have a little TV behind your desk.

Ooh, can't miss my story. I heard that.

Enough about me, okay?

What law school you go to? I'm not an attorney. I'm an executive assistant.

A secretary?

An executive assistant.

But, yeah.

Check, please.

I'm sorry.

What the hell is your problem?

That you're not one of those professional women that's sweeping the

Now, let me express my feeling that Mellie Mill here is looking for a woman

some bang.

So I can be a stay -at -home dad.

What you mean is that your tired security guard ass can lay up on the

watch TV?

Exactly.

Sharon.

Thank you so much for having lunch with me. I really appreciate it. No problem.

Actually, I have a rather intimate question to ask you. I hope you don't

Mama Gina's School of Womanly Art?

Oh, Joan, those classes are wonderful.

I highly recommend owning your orgasm.

And it's prerequisite discovering your vagina.

Thank you.

I will file this away for future reference.

But what I really wanted to ask you about, however, was children.

Or the fact that you made a choice not to have any.

Well, I don't necessarily think I've made that choice yet.

Oh, I just assumed since you were past childbearing. Excuse me, what?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply.

Oh, imply. Imply what?

That I'm a baron?

That my uterus exists only to house and nurture my fibroid?

No, not at all. No, Sharon, Sharon, it's just that I met a man and he wants to

marry me. And he doesn't want to have children.

Well, at least you've got a man.

We're deeply in love. I just... I wanted to know if life could be fulfilling

without children.

Oh, yes, of course.

I mean, look at me. Don't I look fulfilled?

I guess I ain't getting none tonight.

Well, I wouldn't want to risk having your baby.

All right. Good night.

Oh, so you don't even want to talk about it? No, I don't want to talk about it.

I'm tired of talking about it.

Good.

So am I.

Here's the thing.

I don't want to end up resenting you.

Well, you're acting like you resent me now. The truth is that I started

resenting you the moment that you said you didn't want to have kids. Brock, I

want to raise kids, not resentment. And as much as I love you and want to spend

the rest of my life with you, we want different things.

Here. I'm not taking that ring.

Sweetie, I have tried to imagine my life without kids.

I can't do it.

I'm not taking it.

Okay, Joan, look, I cannot imagine my life without you.

Okay, so here is the deal. We will have a small wedding, and we'll use the money

that we saved... To do a month in Italy, we will see Vietnam, we will safari in

Tanzania, okay?

Then, when you're about 35, 36, we'll settle down and you can have your baby.

My baby? Your baby.

My baby.

Damn, it's a baby.

Okay, Brock, now you're resenting me. No, no, Joan, Joan.

I'm trying to get married.

I'm trying to go on a honeymoon.

I'm trying to get you back into some lingerie.

God is so funny.

Because I've been praying every day for him to send me my enchanted love.

And he sent me you.

And I thought it was so I could marry you.

But maybe it was just to restore my faith that this kind of love is

For me.

Thank you for loving me.

But I can't marry you.

And I can't change you.

And why would I want to, sweetheart?

You're perfect.

You're absolutely perfect. You're just not perfect for me.

So you don't tell me that you're trying to give up on us.

He said to me not to settle for good enough.

I wish

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

We'll do that later.

Hello?

What?

Are you sure?

All right.

What happened?

Joan and Brock broke up.

I know.

It's too bad, huh?

You know.

Why didn't you say something before we got hitched?

Because Lynn Searcy's credit card got cut up at Taco Bell.

Mrs. Lynn Dent's credit card is accepted everywhere.