Original subtitles

Oh, those two lesbians are working my nerves.

Okay, what did your sister and Kira do this time? They take my man -thief, but

they won't let me hold my nephew's son.

They won't even let you hold him? Well, they did the once, but it was their

fault. They should have warned me. Baby oil is going to make him slippery.

You dropped him? No, technically, he jumped.

That's my story. I'm sticking to it.

Okay, they're the ones who should be mad, William. Why are you mad?

Because I have to practice with some stupid doll.

Does everything a real baby does except for love you back.

William, you left your man shot on the microwave.

At least I didn't leave him in the microwave.

This time.

All right.

Come on, nephew, son.

You and your Uncle Daddy are going to do some manly things.

You are too perfect.

You are that rare man that all women dream about that actually puts the

down.

I'm telling you, I could just kiss you.

What am I saying?

I can kiss you. Because you're mine now.

Oh, God, John, you know what I want to do? Oh, God, me too.

I got a piece for you.

I think it's time.

We go to Vegas.

Vegas?

Vegas, baby.

Vegas.

Vegas, baby.

Vegas. That's what he said.

So what does that say to you? Vegas.

Vegas. Phoenix.

What? I thought the category was cities in the desert.

No, it means...

He wants to get married.

Oh, hell. Here she goes again.

Tucson. What are you talking about?

Look, I just don't have the stomach to go down this road with you again.

Instead of playing your silly game, we might as well play mine.

El Paso. That's three to one. Y 'all better jump in.

Look, I know you're thinking she's only a month into this relationship and

already she has wedding bells ringing.

Well, you don't know the way he said Vegas.

Well, here, the way I say, stop the madness.

Save the man, sweetie.

Yeah, I mean, girl, you barely even know him. I know that he loves me. That

doesn't mean he's ready to marry you.

It's different with Brock.

We're in sync.

So when he looks into my eyes and says, time we go to Vegas, it

can only mean one thing.

He's got a gambling addiction.

I'm getting married.

Santa Fe!

I win.

Tony, you're not playing your stupid desert city game.

Well, it's better than Joan's stupid game.

Pipe dreams from a crazy woman.

You know, Joan, I've been thinking. We were kind of hard on

you. You know, only you saw what was in Brock's eyes. And if you believe it's

about marriage and that's what you want, then you're going good.

Thank you, Maya.

So, you believe the whole Vegas trip is about marriage, too?

Yeah, I really do believe that... No, girl, I don't see it.

You know what? What's important is that you take it.

Thank you.

Scotch and soda, my good man.

Oh, and, uh, would you warm this bottle up for me?

I know it's not real.

They have to go through the motions, you know, just in case the lesbians may be

watching.

Okay, William, you do not bring a baby into a bar?

Oh, you do if the crybaby's getting on your nerves and you need a drink.

William, face it, when it comes to babies, you're clueless.

You sound just like the guys at the gym.

Like I'd leave a real baby in the sauna till it melted.

Thank God I keep it punctual, it's better.

Oh, Lord Jesus, remind me to never leave Jabari along with you.

No, no, Maya, I'd be good with Jabbar.

See, he's real.

There'd be a human connection there, like there'd be with my real nephew's

But this, this is bonus.

Give me the sham.

This is a test cooked up by my evil sister to humiliate me, and I'm done

it. Do you hear me? I am through!

You don't get... You

know

what I was thinking?

Why rush home from Vegas?

Do you have any...

Sick days or personal days?

Why?

What do you have in mind?

Time with you.

Time to ask you some questions.

Why can't you just ask me now?

Because I don't feel like it.

Brock, just ask me.

I'll ask when we get to Vegas.

Relax.

What are you going to do there?

Because I need to know what to pack.

It's a shame.

You'll find out what I have planned when we get there.

Besides, if you need anything for a special occasion, Vegas has everything

need.

So what I'd like you to do is go to work, start coughing, and see if you can

me five days.

Oh, I don't know.

Brock, to get that kind of time, I'm going to have to cough up a lung.

It'll be worth it.

I'm not proud of myself, but I called every hotel in Vegas.

And guess where he booked us?

The Venetian.

In the Piazza Suite.

Known in the hotel trade as the Honeymoon Suite.

Did I or did I not briefly consider a career in hotel management?

I don't know.

Well, I did.

And that is not the most compelling piece of evidence. He said, and I wrote

down.

Why rush home from Vegas?

And then I said, what do you have in mind? And then he said, time with you.

Time so I can ask you some questions.

Oh, my God. And the first question would be, Joan, will you marry me?

Look, I didn't want to say anything, but last week I had three dreams in a row

that you got married.

See? And we always say that Lynn is psychic.

No, we all say that Lynn is psycho.

Oh.

Excuse me, y 'all.

Maya,

what are you doing with William's baby?

That fool wants to go play basketball.

Pay me $100, babysit, and all I got to do is keep baby number four intact?

Okay, baby, okay.

It's okay.

All right, all right. Now look here, John.

Honey, I really want to believe you on this whole wedding thing. I really do.

But I, um... Give me a second.

Can't hear myself talk.

It's possible that this... could be planning to kill you, dump you off in a

desert.

Maya, shut up. Oh, my God, Joan, you're going to get married.

Do you really think so? I know it. I mean, you guys fell in love at first

And why wouldn't he want to marry you? Joan, you're great.

He'd be lucky to have you. Oh, my God. Thank you, man.

Thank you, sweetie.

Joan, I believe, too.

Congratulations.

Yeah.

But I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't bring up the possibility of murder.

Uh, Joan?

Are you competing with me?

What? Running off to get married? To a man you barely know.

Tony, you barely knew Todd.

See? You're competing with me.

This is ridiculous.

Oh, is it?

Who was following me around in the fourth grade trying to get my wind

their wings?

And you.

went through some deep, borderline evil over me getting married, and here you

are, not five months after I find enchanted love, claiming you found it,

First of all, you are the one who latched on to me in fourth grade. And

secondly, yes.

Yes, I was jealous of you getting married, but I've worked through it.

I was, and I still am truly happy for you, Tony.

Mm -hmm.

And that enchanted love business?

I could only be experiencing.

feelings like this with the one that I know is truly the one.

So it's not about me at all?

Sometimes, Tony, things truly aren't. Well, I can't agree with you on that

but... I am happy you're getting married.

Do you believe?

Yeah. So go!

Go to Vegas!

So things can get back to being about me.

Oh, my God!

I'm getting married.

Maya? Huh?

I don't think William's going to pay you $100.

Why not?

Because I'm not completely sure, but I think a dingo just ran off with your

baby.

I'm all packed.

I think a dingbat just ran in with a wedding dress.

What?

Huh? Playing hooky from work.

You've always been the good girl, always the A student.

Not true. I can be very spontaneous.

Yeah?

I'm counting on that when we get to Vegas.

Stop the car.

What? Stop the car. Are you going to be sick?

I may be.

Joan.

Joan!

Are you all right?

I can't do this.

Do what?

Vegas is tacky.

I can't get married in Vegas.

I don't want to be buried in Yuma.

But what does that have to do with us?

Isn't that why we're going?

Aren't you the one who said it's time to go to Vegas, baby?

Aren't you the one that said you had some questions to ask me that you could

only ask in Vegas?

Aren't you the one that booked the best honeymoon suite in Vegas?

You found out where I booked us? Don't change the subject.

Joan, time to go to Vegas means time to go away together.

Just the two of us. To do exactly what you suggested. Get to know each other

better. And the questions were more along the lines of Cirque du Soleil or

Celine Dion.

The honeymoon suite was just the best suite. Okay, just stop, stop.

It's okay.

Look at me.

Look at me.

You know what?

I'm just going to keep this from you until we got to know each other better.

See? I throw like a girl.

I'm embarrassed, too.

Can we just go have fun?

How can I have fun when I can't even look at you?

Just take me home, please.

Why are we just sitting here when our best friend, who we never thought would

get married, is getting married?

Oh, it's simple. Because you two broke half his one pony up for some gas money.

True. True.

Although, Joan's car is always sitting on full.

Road trip!

Okay,

yes. Let's do it.

I mean, why not?

What are we waiting for?

We already know we love each other, right?

It's just life. So let's live it. Let's get married.

What?

Vegas, baby, Vegas.

No, you're just saying that to make me feel better. So, Joan, isn't that where

we're heading?

So let's just do it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

This is crazy.

And impetuous and romantic and... Yes!

Yes, I love you, I love you.

Let's do it. Okay. Let's go to Vegas, baby.

Vegas, baby, Vegas!

I love you.

I love you. No, no, no. You don't understand. I really love you. You don't

understand how much I really, really love you. No, no, no.

I love you so much. It hurts.

And this is going to hurt you even more because I can't do this.

What?

What? Brock.

Of course I want to marry you, but not in some tacky Elvis drive -thru wedding

chapel. All right, all right, all right. But Joan, isn't the most important

thing that we're getting married?

Marriage is spiritual.

We're about to pledge an eternal bond, and I want to share it with my friends

and my family. And not just because they never thought it would happen.

But mostly because I designed the most incredible wedding gown, and I want

woman at our wedding to be jealous of me in it.

Especially Tony.

Because I hate that she got married first, and you can never tell her that.

I'm totally over it.

All right.

We're going home.

And first thing tomorrow, we are shopping for a ring.

Because we're going to do this right. Why? Because my baby deserves to have

everything she wants.

Then again, I did really want to see Celine Dion.

I heard she's very whimsical.

I mean, they have jewelry stores in Vegas. It's an entire city of bling

I never said I couldn't get engaged in Vegas.

I just said I can't get married there.

I said whatever my baby wants.

And the fifth one, I left on top of the urinal at a Dodgers game.

Look, I'm no good at this, Lynn, and I can understand if you never let me hold

baby. You know what? The only way to really get comfortable holding a baby is

simply hold the baby.

Really?

The daddy.

Hi, little man.

It's Uncle Daddy.

Look at him, Linda. He's so little and sweet and innocent.

And William Black.

Oh, God, I can't lie in the face of many of me. Did I tell you about the one

that Dingo ate?

William, give me the baby. I'm one step ahead of you, sister.

Perhaps you'll love that.

A two -carat pear cut with two trillion cut side stones in a tension setting.

Clarity? VS1.

Joan, I want you to try this.

No, no. Let me do this right.

Okay.

If this isn't right... I know I'm supposed to be the only one down here.

This whole day isn't right.

I don't want this moment between us to come out of something that's just

and embarrassing and forced.

Joan, I am clear.

I do want to marry you.

Thank you, baby.

As much as I want to marry you, I don't want to miss the experience of getting

there. Then you won't be needing this.

I'm so sorry.

I totally messed up.

I jumped a year ahead into our relationship, and I always do that.

And I don't want to do that anymore.

I just want to be where we are.

So, from now on, the female principle surrenders to the male

principle. It's not sexist. It's just the way of the Dow.

Huh? Maya will loan you the book. I don't get it either.

The point is, when it happens, if it happens, it should just

happen. Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, shut up.

It's happening now.

What's your middle name?

Carol.

Oh, my God. Don't. You come down here.

Joan Carol Clayton.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Guys,

this is so wrong.

I mean, wasn't our whole reason for coming to Las Vegas to look for Joan?

Come on, we checked the Venetian.

No, we checked you into the Venetian.

The point is, we were at the Venetian.

And does anyone here really think that Joan, Joan, is going to get married?

No.

Well, I kind of did.

Okay, Lynn, sweetie, if it makes you feel any better, we'll look for Joan

the show.