Original subtitles

Joan, thank you so much for my dinner. It was delicious.

Yeah, girl, you really put your foot in it, and it is a damn tasty foot.

You guys, I just really wanted to do something special.

It's not every day that our girl sells a $4 million house. 4 .2, get it right.

Sorry.

Joan? Yeah?

I'm a little hurt. I got my first $20 tip yesterday. I didn't get a

dinner.

Gosh, I'm so sorry, Lynn. Well, why don't you take the bread home?

Squeak wheel, get the leftover meal.

I knew I had Miss Beyonce sold when I told her, if you buy this compound,

be the envy of everyone on MTV Cribs.

This is your destiny, child.

Please tell me you did not say that.

It doesn't matter what I said. I sold her a $4 .2 million house in the middle

a recession.

Okay.

And it was all because of you, Anthony. Thank you. Thank you again for the

referral.

You know, I've always admired you.

And I was sincerely surprised that I was even on your radar.

You weren't.

But you were on my call sheet five times a day asking for help.

Well, I am a go -getter.

Tony, what happened to you?

I mean, you just fell off. Hey, not everybody can be Anthony Jackson, multi

-million dollar developer on the cover of Black Enterprise.

You can if you try.

Oh, lunch is on me.

You can pay next time.

Tony, why'd your eye go all slack? You having a stroke or something?

Or are you trying to ask me out?

Don't be silly. I do not ask men out, okay?

I do, however, say yes when certain men ask me out.

Well, I hope some man does, because I gotta go.

I got a conference call in 30 minutes. Magic wants to develop a Jamba Juice and

Watts.

Anthony, I've led you to the fountain.

It's up to you to drink.

I don't think me asking you out would be a good idea.

Oh, oh, I see.

Anthony, I've dated husky men before. It's no big deal.

My weight is not an issue for me, and it certainly is not an issue for the women

I date. Okay.

You're just not my type, Tony.

Not your type?

No, really, I'm everybody's type. I mean, look at this.

Tony, you're superficial.

Hence this conversation.

Where's the substance?

What's your legacy going to be? I mean, one day you are going to die. What's

your obituary going to say?

First off, I was going to say she was 102, but look, 50.

Tony, I'm looking for a woman who's doing something with her life. Somebody

who's bringing as much to the table as I am.

Shoot, somebody who at least has a second paragraph in her obituary.

Fine, fine, because I'm looking for a man who's not so obsessed with death.

we need to talk about what happened in conference today.

You folded like a cheap Chinese fan.

Actually, sir, that was a part of my larger plan.

To draw out the opposition, observe their tactics, and fold like a cheap

fan.

Well, I know what's going on. Ever since Yvonne dumped you, you haven't been the

same. I strive to keep my personal life out of the office place. No, poppycock.

You haven't gotten any, have you?

Sir, this isn't some sort of prelude to a kiss, is it?

Don't be obtuse, Dent.

Have you gotten any sex lately?

I'm going to tell you the same thing I told my mother.

I'm not comfortable having this conversation with you.

You're a man, Dent.

A man needs sex.

When a man doesn't have sex, he's off his game. When you're off your game, I

lose billable hours. Now I need you sexed up in winning cases.

Well, you're preaching to the choir.

But I think it's too soon for me to be jumping back in a relationship again.

who's talking about a relationship?

I'm talking about a booty call.

Well, first of all, I don't know any booties I could call.

Secondly, I don't even feel comfortable saying the word booty.

I was raised to say buttocks.

And a buttocks call sounds too much like an evasive procedure.

Okay, here's what I believe.

God helps those who help themselves.

In bed.

You gotta add the words in bed to your fortune.

When I lived here, Joan helped herself in bed a lot.

I'm gonna start my own business.

In bed.

I did that once for a week, you know.

As a sleep study subject.

Ended up getting fired. Got caught being awake on the job.

to open tony child's realty a high -end state -of -the -art agency okay picture

this you walk in and you're transported to a tranquil world of exposed brick

walls eye beams and glass cubicles my euro trash assistant clad in a

monochromatic palette of products offers you a choice of herbal tea or cucumber

mineral water. Ooh, I'll have the tea.

Excellent choice, Miss Searcy.

You will then be led into the quiet room, where you'll be taken on a virtual

tour of available listings via plasma screens.

Then and only then will you be ushered into a lushly appointed inner sanctum

a private one -on -one consultation with the realtors.

That'll be moi.

Don't you love it? Say you love it.

Joe's a hell of a lot better than you bugging me and Darnell about condos in

Victorville. Attempt it, though we weren't, honey, but that lake full of

catfish.

Joe? What do you think?

Oh.

I think it's a great idea that you want to start your own business. Yay!

But, you know, why would you...

Spend all that money on your office when you spend so much time out in the

field. Oh, well, that's the whole point of the virtual tour. Oh. To bring you

out of the field into a comfortable, convenient, HEPA -filtered environment.

But don't people usually want to see the property that they're going to buy? And

they will. And the company, Range Rover, driven by my Ewer Trash chauffeur.

Have you thought about the basics?

Incorporation versus sole proprietorship.

Huh? Have you estimated your startup cost?

Office space, remodeling, salaries, advertising, insurance, legal fees,

cucumbers.

Damn, Joan.

I just asked you what you thought.

I didn't expect a pop quiz up in here.

Listen, I think these ideas of yours are great. I do.

I'm just saying, you know, be realistic.

You don't even have the startup money.

Hello? My commission from the Beyonce compound.

Okay, well, let's break that down, okay?

I mean, you know, 2 .5 % of $4 million is what? Huh? The $100 ,000, right?

You know, taxes are going to take half of that, and then after you pay me back,

and Visa, you're practically back in the hole.

You know what, Joan?

Tony will figure this out, okay?

When my cousin, Ronnie, wanted to start up his salon, Situations, he didn't have

anything but two hot combs and a drink.

And look at him now. He's opening up a second salon in Artesia called

D.

Okay, so, Tony, you go. You can do this, girl.

Thank you, Maya.

That's just it. You see, Ronnie, Ronnie started small. Yes, he did. So, I'm just

saying, be practical.

You don't even have your broker's license yet. That's on my to -do list.

You're acting like I haven't thought this through.

Have you?

Come on, Joan. Lighten up.

She has a list.

Hell, that's more than I've ever had.

Yeah, that's right. I'm sorry.

Just Joan the bad guy, you know? Huh?

Wet blanket? Rug puller?

Great rainer. Party pooper. Bubble burster. Ship thinker.

Hey, that's enough. That's enough.

See what I mean? I was having fun.

Tony, I love you way too much to just tell you what you want to hear and sit

back and watch you make a huge mistake. You know what?

We're just going around in circles here.

Although I'd like your blessing, Joan.

I really don't need it. Listen, Tony. No, you listen.

There has never been a challenge Tony Childs hasn't met.

When I was eight years old, I spotted you across the playground. I told myself

we'd be best friends.

We are.

I wanted to get out of Fresno. I did.

I wanted to get into UCLA.

I busted my butt, doctored some transcripts, and I got in.

I think that sounds like I get everything I want.

I believe that's everything I owe you.

Tony, I can't afford to rescue you again.

You won't have to.

Unless you try to cash that before Friday.

How's the studying going? Carrying the one.

0 .8 capital rate.

B.

C. Damn.

If I don't get my broker's license, it's on you, Lynn.

Honey, relax.

You know this stuff.

No, I don't. Joan is right as usual. I'm in over my head.

Joan is not always right. And she's not your mother. You can't let her dictate

what's right and wrong for you. Well, she's right this time.

If I can't even get prepared for a test, how am I going to find...

funding and get you the farmer's mark to pick out organic cucumbers hey guys i'm

studying going it's not because i'm stupid tony don't say that oh

look at our boo having pre -test panic jabari

infractions all over again jabari knows fractions okay you can do this shut

up okay shut up with all the encouragement and what kind of friend

anyway Telling me, you go, Tony. All you need is two hot cobs and a dream.

Maybe I misspoke.

Ronnie actually had two hot cobs and $250 ,000. But, but, you can do this,

right? You just need a study buddy and some sake. Okay.

Now, let's, uh, let's try one, okay?

All righty.

Here we go.

Apartment building was valued at $90 ,000 and collected $600 per month in

Wait a minute. An apartment only worth $90 ,000? It's probably rat infested. I

would never touch it.

Next question.

Moving on.

All right.

What institution is the largest source of home loan?

Mortgage bankers.

Savings and loans.

But you're a couple.

Those only count in archery.

No, actually, that's horseshoes.

Damn, see, I didn't even know that.

Don't put a hex on me.

Stop it.

This is not about Joan. This is about you, okay? Now, if you want this bad

enough, you're going to do it.

You stop your whining, and you're just going to go down there, and you're going

to pass that test. Here.

Tony, did you even read the test rules?

This test is a piece of cake.

It's 100 questions. It's multiple choice.

You only need 60 % to pass, and it's open book.

Open book?

Screw studying.

I'm going to go get my nails done before the test.

Bye, Tony. Bye, y 'all. All right, go get them, girl.

Good luck.

And remember when...

out. Take a seat.

Did you read these test rules?

Okay, it's 200 questions. You need 75 % right. And look, it's not open book.

You're reading the rules for the prep court test.

Wow. Tony screwed.

Hey, you still here?

I'm getting ready for that deposition tomorrow.

Oh, I hope there's something else you did to get ready.

Excuse me?

I'm talking about dropping your briefs and filing your motion.

Nah. No booty calls?

Come on, sir. That's disrespectful to women. Oh, you know what your problem

Dent? You're too nice.

Now, let me tell you who gets the action.

The bad boys.

Now, look at me.

I'm 160 pounds, soaking wet, wrapped up on Viagra, and I've got five honeys on

speed dial.

Why? Because I'm bad.

So get out your black book. We're going to make a booty call.

I told you, I don't have anyone to call.

You don't have any exes?

There's a reason why they're my exes. I don't think they want to hear from me.

But it's almost 11 o 'clock. That is prime booty call time.

Okay, let's say there is someone I can call.

What would I say?

Dad, that is the beauty of a booty call.

See, you don't have to waste your good game. When you call after 10 o 'clock,

they know the dealio.

Now, let's see what you got.

What about, hey, Sarah.

Sarahs are always hot.

That would be my aunt, Sarah.

Is she hot?

With your credit history, Ms. Childs, I don't see how we can possibly approve a

small business loan.

But I aced my broker's exam.

And it was an open book, as I was led to believe.

But you have no assets or collateral.

But I sold a compound to Beyonce.

But you're still bouncing checks.

But you're still giving them to me.

Do I need to tell security?

Will they give me a loan?

glad that you could come by.

I had some stuff to do in the neighborhood anyway.

We live in the neighborhood.

I miss you, too. Oh, God. Let's not fight anymore.

We probably will, but that's okay. Okay.

Oh, God.

I heard you passed your broadcast exam.

God, congratulations.

Oh, God, I'm so proud of you.

Oh, I'm so proud of me, too, especially since I thought it was open book and

then it wasn't. Oh, God.

And I'm sorry. I heard that you're having...

a hard time getting a loan.

Yeah, there's that.

And I felt bad because I rained on your parade.

But I think I figured out a way for you to have your own office on your budget.

You did?

I called my friend Thomas who has a law firm and he said he can rent you a

cubicle in his suite.

It's really nice and it has I -beams and yeah, yeah, yeah. He says that you can

share his receptionist and the copier. Does he have plasma screens in a quiet

room? Uh, no.

Then I'll pass.

Tony, you can't be serious.

Joan, it's what I want.

No, I understand that, but I'm trying to protect you.

I don't want you to put all your money into this thing and then have nothing.

Once what?

Once it fails?

Say it.

You don't believe in me. No, Tony, I don't believe that you need plasma

and quiet rooms to sell houses.

Realistic for once. Why don't you be a supportive friend for once?

And that's why I want this suite. It's all about location.

You'll find all the details in this prospectus, but basically what I need is

you to give me seed money and a deal on this office space.

So... Tony Charles wants to open up her own real estate office. No, no, it's not

just a real estate office.

It's a boutique agency that caters to discriminating clientele who demands a

certain level of attention.

Tony, that's a hell of a lot to go through just to get me to ask you out.

Is that what you think I'm doing?

Yeah. Well, what are you doing?

Working on the second paragraph of my obituary.

Okay, that's cute.

I'm not trying to be cute.

Just take a look at the perspective.

Tony, I'm sure it's a good idea, but everybody has good ideas.

I invest in people who make me money, not take my money.

What? Oh, come on, Tony.

The only thing I've ever seen you apply yourself to is the pursuit of rich men.

So, you think I'm just a gold digger?

Your words, but yes.

And what does a gold digger do, Anthony?

Separate good men from their money.

Okay, okay.

That's your perspective.

But isn't it also possible that she does her very best to make men feel complete

and add exponentially to their happiness quotient?

What's your point, Tony? I got magic waiting in my car.

And if he's in there too long, he starts messing with my presets.

The point is, whether it's separating people from their money or making people

feel complete, both are essential components in selling high -end real

And I figured out a new way to do it.

Anthony, do yourself a favor.

You're going to hate yourself if you miss out.

I'll get back to you in the morning.

Hey.

Hi.

I was just at home cleaning with my bucket.

And I finished and, you know, I had nowhere to go. And Tony...

Joan, I don't want to go through a big moment. It'll harsh my ammonia high.

I really should have been more supportive.

It's okay.

I know you're happy for me.

You just have to be mama.

That's you.

But if I'm going to eat up all your food and borrow all your money, I guess I

got to take the good with the bad.

Because I don't want to be the mama anymore.

Oh, Joan, you can't help it.

You're born with the soul of an old woman. And the ankles.

Shoot, I don't know what I'm saying.

It's the Mr.

Clean talk.

Seriously, guys.

I'm tired of being the practical one.

The voice of reason. I just want to be a girlfriend who cracks jokes at the

expense of her other girlfriends.

But Joan, you are a girlfriend.

You're my best girlfriend. Oh, God.

What is this, the third make -up this month?

Yeah, girl, the month ain't over.

It's William.

Willie.

Billy.

Bill.

Bill. Bill's the bad boy.

For God's sake, make the booty call, Dent.

Hello, Louise?

Hi, it's Bill.

Bill Dent.

You know, cinnamon raisin, lightly toasted, soy margarine, candied butter?

How you doing?

Oh, I was wondering if you could set

aside a dozen cinnamon raisin bagels for me in the morning. God bless you. Good

night.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I choked. I choked. I should have gone with Willie. Willie is brave.

I'm disappointed in you, Dent.

You know, I'm a little disappointed in myself.

Let's go.

Willie's not going out like a fucking duck.

Louise, it's Willie.

Gonna need a dozen sesame too.

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