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1
00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:09,410
Guys, I don't feel like going home.
Let's do something. Let's go out.
2
00:00:09,411 --> 00:00:12,449
Oh, we're going out. We're going to the
movies. Are we going to waste all this
3
00:00:12,450 --> 00:00:13,649
cute sitting in the dark?
4
00:00:13,650 --> 00:00:14,700
I don't think so.
5
00:00:15,570 --> 00:00:19,370
We're not really going, all right? Y
'all are just my alibi for my husband.
6
00:00:19,970 --> 00:00:21,530
I'm going for coffee with Stan.
7
00:00:22,050 --> 00:00:28,050
Oh, I know all about that kind of
coffee. Strong, black, and hot.
8
00:00:30,410 --> 00:00:34,179
Look. I told you guys, it's not like
that, all right? Stan and I are just
9
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:35,230
friends. That's it.
10
00:00:35,380 --> 00:00:38,380
I just need to figure out the fastest
way to the Marriott.
11
00:00:41,180 --> 00:00:42,900
What? They got a coffee show?
12
00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:45,470
Bye. Bye.
13
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,010
Bye.
14
00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:51,320
Okay, that's it for three of us. Where
are we going?
15
00:00:51,321 --> 00:00:54,159
Actually, I promised Vasco I'd have sex
tonight.
16
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,770
I didn't promise it'd be with him, but I
think he'd be pissed if it wasn't.
17
00:00:59,930 --> 00:01:01,150
Bye. Okay, bye -bye.
18
00:01:03,070 --> 00:01:04,390
Okay, Tony, it's me and you.
19
00:01:04,391 --> 00:01:06,909
Unless you've got an affair or a sex
appointment.
20
00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:09,029
Hey, you bought me dinner. I'm yours for
the night.
21
00:01:09,030 --> 00:01:11,380
I've got some groceries. I'm yours for
the week.
22
00:01:44,830 --> 00:01:47,120
Tony, I'm working on my woman of mystery
look.
23
00:01:48,330 --> 00:01:49,970
What do you think? It's working.
24
00:01:49,971 --> 00:01:52,569
Because I don't know what the hell
you're doing.
25
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:54,680
Oh, just spoil the moment, why don't
you?
26
00:01:54,790 --> 00:01:55,970
I'm feeling very sexy.
27
00:01:56,190 --> 00:01:57,470
Okay. Very classy.
28
00:01:57,870 --> 00:02:00,250
Very... buzzed.
29
00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:02,950
What number am I on?
30
00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:05,450
One. Ooh, I better slow down.
31
00:02:07,810 --> 00:02:08,860
Oh, Tony.
32
00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:10,630
That guy's checking you out.
33
00:02:11,009 --> 00:02:13,650
Oh, I'm so bored with being worth it.
34
00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:20,840
Can I buy you a drink?
35
00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:23,610
Oh, thank you, but I don't drink.
36
00:02:24,930 --> 00:02:26,310
Okay, can you buy me a drink?
37
00:02:29,070 --> 00:02:30,630
Okay, that's kind of cute.
38
00:02:31,170 --> 00:02:34,410
How about I flirt with you and we call
it even?
39
00:02:38,630 --> 00:02:41,510
Okay, I'll just spin over this way.
40
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:44,680
Tour.
41
00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:48,050
I hope this is your stop.
42
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:53,010
I don't know what just happened. I guess
someone must have WD -40'd around here.
43
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,380
How are you? I'm Jackson Van. I know.
44
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,880
I love all of your movies.
45
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,960
Even the one with the champ?
46
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,180
Okay. What was that about?
47
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:05,400
About ten million.
48
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,620
It's Jackson Van. Jackson Van. Oh, yeah.
49
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:13,880
Jackson, good to see you again.
50
00:03:13,881 --> 00:03:14,999
We met?
51
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,660
Yeah, at that screening at Will and
Jada's.
52
00:03:17,661 --> 00:03:20,589
You didn't tell me you went to the
screening. I didn't, but that's how you
53
00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:23,660
to play them out. Give me the attitude
and I'll run with it. Okay.
54
00:03:24,010 --> 00:03:26,730
Hey, I'm seated over here. Would you
like to join me?
55
00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:31,010
Oh, gosh, I don't know. I'm actually
supposed to be meeting Wesley.
56
00:03:34,610 --> 00:03:35,660
Wesley's in Japan.
57
00:03:36,270 --> 00:03:38,010
Oh, that trickster.
58
00:03:39,830 --> 00:03:43,350
Okay, I don't know him. I was really
just trying to impress you.
59
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:44,640
Have I?
60
00:03:44,770 --> 00:03:46,880
I was impressed before you said
anything.
61
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:50,440
I'll just shut up then.
62
00:03:54,060 --> 00:03:55,460
I've seen those ads.
63
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,450
Tony Child.
64
00:03:57,860 --> 00:03:59,200
You specialize in results.
65
00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,840
Well, I don't want to toot my own horn.
66
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:03,550
But toot toot.
67
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,610
I like to think I specialize in results
too.
68
00:04:08,060 --> 00:04:09,560
Are you trying to take my line?
69
00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:11,200
No, I'm trying to take you out.
70
00:04:11,420 --> 00:04:12,470
Oh.
71
00:04:12,471 --> 00:04:14,619
Would you like to go out with me
sometime?
72
00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:15,670
Sure, why not?
73
00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:17,270
How about Saturday?
74
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,050
Works for me.
75
00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,528
Good, I have a sitter that night.
76
00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:21,579
Oh, a house sitter?
77
00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:24,909
No, no, I have custody of my eight -year
-old.
78
00:04:24,910 --> 00:04:26,710
An eight -year -old what, exactly?
79
00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:29,300
I have a daughter.
80
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:33,050
Oh. That's not going to be a problem, is
it? No, no, not a problem at all.
81
00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:36,330
Uh -uh, I do not date a man with
children.
82
00:04:37,250 --> 00:04:39,890
Oh, come on, I think guys with kids are
sweet.
83
00:04:40,570 --> 00:04:43,040
And they are so thankful for any sex you
give them.
84
00:04:43,561 --> 00:04:45,549
It's messy.
85
00:04:45,550 --> 00:04:49,319
At some point, the child's needs and my
needs will collide and... When I
86
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:52,319
inevitably get my way, the little brat
will resent me, so why go there?
87
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:57,979
Uh -uh. I think men with children are
sexy. Girl, nothing turns me on more
88
00:04:57,980 --> 00:05:01,599
watching Darnell hang out with Jabbar.
If he's so sexy, Maya, why are you
89
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,650
cheating on him?
90
00:05:03,980 --> 00:05:06,390
Bitch, I'm just trying to enlighten you,
okay?
91
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:10,220
And I told you guys, all right? Stan is
just a friend.
92
00:05:10,221 --> 00:05:14,589
Tony. Perhaps the reason you have issues
with children is because you're a child
93
00:05:14,590 --> 00:05:18,869
yourself. Yeah, I, on the other hand,
have the sophistication and the maturity
94
00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:21,390
to attract Jackson Vance. Oh.
95
00:05:22,850 --> 00:05:24,350
I'm dating a movie star.
96
00:05:24,630 --> 00:05:26,050
I've got his number.
97
00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:30,830
Wait a minute. Jackson Vance gave you
his home phone number? His pager number.
98
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:31,980
Same thing.
99
00:05:32,890 --> 00:05:33,940
Mm -hmm.
100
00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:35,800
What?
101
00:05:36,050 --> 00:05:37,870
What is wrong with a pager number?
102
00:05:38,290 --> 00:05:39,910
It's not that I hate children.
103
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:43,510
I like them in a petting zoo kind of
way. You know?
104
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:46,899
I'm just not good with them. This will
give you a chance to practice.
105
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:49,739
You always said you wanted to have
children. No, I said I'd have to have
106
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:53,230
children. But that deal comes with a
rich man, a nanny, and a tummy tuck.
107
00:05:53,231 --> 00:05:57,559
Tony, go out with a man. You need a
date. And I need somebody else to pay
108
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:58,700
your meals for a change.
109
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:00,700
Well, I do like him.
110
00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:03,490
And he does own a couple of fast food
restaurants.
111
00:06:03,491 --> 00:06:06,379
They're not high end, but a girl's got
to eat, right?
112
00:06:06,380 --> 00:06:09,460
I'm going to go call Randall since I
have his home number.
113
00:06:09,461 --> 00:06:13,139
Yeah, and what if he's not there? Then
what are you going to do, huh?
114
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,430
You're going to wish you had his pager
number.
115
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:20,180
But anyway, y 'all, I've got to go and
meet Stan.
116
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:24,479
And by the way, y 'all are dragging me
to that huge white cell at Stroud's. And
117
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:27,940
Lynn, I'm your ride, so you cannot go
home until the store closes.
118
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,780
Huh? Yeah, I'm tired of covering for
you.
119
00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:33,930
Vasco's starting to think that I'm
cheating on him.
120
00:06:33,931 --> 00:06:35,579
Wait a minute, that could be way out.
121
00:06:35,580 --> 00:06:37,340
Girl, we had so much fun at Stroud's.
122
00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:39,240
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
123
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:44,299
are leaving until you explain to me what
is wrong with the pager number john
124
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:48,499
okay when somebody gives you their pager
number that means they got something to
125
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:54,159
hide well that's not always true dan
only has my pager number marinate on
126
00:06:54,160 --> 00:07:01,719
wow
127
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:06,680
you tell the best stories me you're the
one who dated a guy wearing a girdle
128
00:07:07,021 --> 00:07:13,609
And if another funny thing happens to me
in the next couple of days, wouldn't it
129
00:07:13,610 --> 00:07:15,900
be fun for me to call you and tell you
about it?
130
00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:17,990
Yeah, that'd be all right.
131
00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:25,590
Yeah. I could just page you and wait for
you to call me back.
132
00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:28,230
So, what's going on?
133
00:07:28,930 --> 00:07:33,589
What's going on is you can reach me, but
I can't reach you. I mean, what are you
134
00:07:33,590 --> 00:07:34,629
hiding?
135
00:07:34,630 --> 00:07:35,680
More women?
136
00:07:38,190 --> 00:07:39,390
No, really, more women?
137
00:07:40,770 --> 00:07:41,970
You'd be in good company.
138
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:45,710
No, really, you would.
139
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:49,630
Jackson, I'm serious.
140
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,649
It's all fine.
141
00:07:52,650 --> 00:07:54,330
Fine, I'll give you my home number.
142
00:07:54,490 --> 00:07:56,900
Oh, no, no, no, no. It's up to you. It's
no pressure.
143
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:13,040
I'm so happy that you can't ruin my
high.
144
00:08:13,270 --> 00:08:17,749
I have the home number of Jackson Van
Action Star. Do you want to hear his
145
00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:18,810
message? Yeah, yeah.
146
00:08:18,811 --> 00:08:21,829
What do I do if he picks up? Oh, no,
he's not home. He's on location.
147
00:08:21,830 --> 00:08:26,250
He's doing reshoots. Oh, reshoots are
when you... I know, I know.
148
00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:28,040
Dated in the biz.
149
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,610
He puts his theme music on his answering
machine?
150
00:08:32,990 --> 00:08:34,450
Yeah. What a poser.
151
00:08:34,451 --> 00:08:35,428
Give me this.
152
00:08:35,429 --> 00:08:36,479
Forget it, William.
153
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:40,239
I didn't want you to feel left out. I
wanted to give you an experience that
154
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,460
everyone on the floor has already had.
155
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:47,900
Joan, are you familiar with the TV
phenomenon known as Blue's Clues?
156
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:50,730
Yeah.
157
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:54,859
Well, yours truly has dated the voice of
the pepper shaker. And I've learned the
158
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:57,700
hard way. Do not get caught up in the
celebrity whirlwind.
159
00:08:58,300 --> 00:08:59,350
They're just people.
160
00:08:59,351 --> 00:09:02,539
And as soon as you lose sight of that,
Matt Damon is going to swoop down and
161
00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:03,620
take her away from you.
162
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:09,660
Sam, are you trying to tell me that Matt
Damon is dating Mrs. Pepper?
163
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,640
You did not hear that from me.
164
00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:23,270
Uh,
165
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:24,650
I can explain.
166
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,320
Okay, start.
167
00:09:27,321 --> 00:09:30,939
Okay, the babysitter canceled on me at
the last minute. I've been trying to get
168
00:09:30,940 --> 00:09:33,919
my mother on the telephone, but no luck.
I know she'll be home any second.
169
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,320
And, uh...
170
00:09:36,270 --> 00:09:37,710
Oh, anyway, this is Courtney.
171
00:09:38,990 --> 00:09:40,040
Hey, Courtney.
172
00:09:41,510 --> 00:09:42,610
I'm Miss Tony.
173
00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:46,730
Courtney. Hi.
174
00:09:48,090 --> 00:09:51,520
Well, come on in and take your shoes
off. Take your shoes off, sweetie.
175
00:09:51,830 --> 00:09:52,910
Are her hands clean?
176
00:09:53,650 --> 00:09:54,830
My hands are clean.
177
00:09:56,450 --> 00:09:59,390
Well, uh, Randall, do you need to call
your mother again?
178
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:00,940
I'm hungry.
179
00:10:00,941 --> 00:10:03,309
Sweetie, we'll be at Grandma's in a few.
180
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:05,090
My blood sugar's dropping.
181
00:10:06,810 --> 00:10:10,569
Okay, um, listen, Tony, I have pizza
here for you. Do you mind if she just
182
00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:12,370
here really quick? Oh, oh, oh, sure.
183
00:10:12,371 --> 00:10:16,169
Um, um, let's not eat on the good table.
My clean lady doesn't come until
184
00:10:16,170 --> 00:10:17,220
Thursday.
185
00:10:17,490 --> 00:10:18,540
Here you go, sweetie.
186
00:10:19,810 --> 00:10:23,300
Now, if you want to call your mother
again, the phone, it's right here.
187
00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:25,570
Daddy, we've got to go rent Spy Kids.
188
00:10:26,030 --> 00:10:29,789
Sweetie, Grandma's got videos of her
plate. But she doesn't have Spy Kids.
189
00:10:29,790 --> 00:10:32,860
promised that if you went out on a date,
I could watch Spy Kids.
190
00:10:32,861 --> 00:10:37,039
Tony, just let me run down to
Blockbuster while she eats her pain. By
191
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,499
get back, I would have reached my
mother, and we can still bank our dinner
192
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,039
reservations, all right? I'm sorry.
193
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,090
Oh.
194
00:11:23,310 --> 00:11:24,360
Before I go off.
195
00:12:13,461 --> 00:12:17,249
Oh, not with your hair like that,
Courtney.
196
00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:20,830
I know it got messed up. Well, then
we'll just have to fix it up.
197
00:12:20,831 --> 00:12:24,749
See, if your daddy sees your hair like
this, he's going to think it's worse
198
00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:25,800
it is.
199
00:12:26,430 --> 00:12:29,380
Courtney, this is a really good lesson
for you to learn now.
200
00:12:29,470 --> 00:12:34,449
No matter how much you hurt on the
inside, you must always look fabulous
201
00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:37,220
the world preys on weakness and it's
never fair to ugly.
202
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:41,230
Okay. Will you make it pretty like
yours? Honey, I only have a brush.
203
00:12:42,410 --> 00:12:44,170
Daddy! Baby, what happened?
204
00:12:47,180 --> 00:12:48,230
Your arm doing what?
205
00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:50,720
Jumping on Miss Tony's couch.
206
00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:56,339
Courtney, I told you. Don't be mad at
her. It was my fault. I scared her in
207
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:57,390
-jump.
208
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,790
So if you don't want to see me anymore,
I understand.
209
00:13:00,791 --> 00:13:04,539
I just need $20 to get my car to the
valet and maybe pick up a snack on the
210
00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:05,590
home.
211
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:08,890
Tony, of course I want to see you again.
Accidents happen.
212
00:13:09,180 --> 00:13:12,850
Thank God you acted so quickly and
brought her here to the emergency room.
213
00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:14,780
So I did good?
214
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:16,660
Yes, you did very good.
215
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,260
Oh, thank you.
216
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:23,560
Look, I'm just going to step outside and
leave you two alone.
217
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,020
Don't go, Miss Tony.
218
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:27,680
I think she likes you.
219
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,080
Well, I do have a way with children.
220
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,130
Oh, God.
221
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:42,910
It's got to be Jack, then. I found
access Hollywood that he's back in town.
222
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:46,650
Hello.
223
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,730
Hey, Vasco.
224
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,860
Yeah. Oh, you need a ride back from
Magic Mountain?
225
00:13:53,140 --> 00:13:56,140
I'm not here. Okay, um, she just stepped
out.
226
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:57,860
Yeah. Okay.
227
00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,430
Good luck.
228
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:00,890
Bye.
229
00:14:00,891 --> 00:14:04,719
Okay, Vasco is tripping. How are you
supposed to go pick him up if you don't
230
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:05,770
have a car?
231
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,210
Okay, so you see what I'm dealing with
here?
232
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:13,180
Okay, you guys, why isn't Jackson
calling me back?
233
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:14,480
I left him a message.
234
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:18,180
Now, I know he's famous and all, but it
ain't like he's got an Oscar.
235
00:14:19,820 --> 00:14:23,439
You know what? I bet he just lost my
phone number. Because with those
236
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,600
types, that can happen.
237
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:27,990
Oh, yeah. Or maybe he just doesn't like
you. That can happen, too.
238
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:31,890
Yoo -hoo.
239
00:14:33,260 --> 00:14:34,310
Ladies.
240
00:14:35,980 --> 00:14:37,620
I would like you to meet Courtney.
241
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,900
Courtney, these are the girlfriends.
242
00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:42,660
That's Miss Joan, Miss Lynn, and Miss
Maya.
243
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,100
Hi. You've got this pal drinking coffee.
244
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,960
It's a latte. It's mostly milk.
245
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,660
Don't spoil our diva's day out on
Courtney.
246
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:52,970
Yes, Miss Tony.
247
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:55,820
So, Courtney, how old are you?
248
00:14:56,040 --> 00:15:00,760
A lady doesn't escalate her age, and a
lady never tells. Right, Miss Tony?
249
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,400
The child is gifted.
250
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:08,260
Miss Tony, this coffee is running
through me. I need to use the bathroom.
251
00:15:08,261 --> 00:15:12,899
It's around the corner, but, honey, it's
better to say you need to check your
252
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:17,579
makeup. Nobody needs to know your
business. And don't forget to wash my
253
00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:21,810
know, because I... I'm Courtney Potter,
and I specialize in results.
254
00:15:23,430 --> 00:15:24,480
That's cute.
255
00:15:24,481 --> 00:15:28,909
You know, it's enough that we got to
deal with one of you in the world. We
256
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:29,729
need to.
257
00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:33,640
Please, I wish somebody could pump some
class into my country -ass childhood.
258
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:36,609
You know, Tony, I think you're good with
her.
259
00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:39,689
You might be feeling her with
superficial and reprimanded values, but
260
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,190
doing it well. Thank you.
261
00:15:41,890 --> 00:15:44,300
Guys, I think I found my late maternal
instinct.
262
00:15:44,670 --> 00:15:48,580
Tony, didn't you break the child's arm?
Aren't you cheating on your husband?
263
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,800
A friend your husband doesn't know
about.
264
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,059
By the way, Tony, I was with you last
night at the hospital just in case
265
00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:58,440
asked. You were with Stan again last
night?
266
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,490
Actually, Mom and I were at the strip
club in Gardena.
267
00:16:06,180 --> 00:16:08,530
Darnell didn't need to know about that
either.
268
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,100
I wish he would have called to rescue me
from Bosco.
269
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,260
Guys, I don't know if I'm turning into
Tony, but...
270
00:16:17,070 --> 00:16:18,750
having sex with an unemployed man.
271
00:16:18,751 --> 00:16:22,069
Unemployed? Hell, I don't know how you'd
be having sex with an uncircumcised
272
00:16:22,070 --> 00:16:23,120
man.
273
00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:25,280
Shoot,
274
00:16:27,090 --> 00:16:30,880
if it wasn't for my porn collection, I
wouldn't be having any orgasms at all.
275
00:16:31,050 --> 00:16:33,230
Girl, you got some serious man problems.
276
00:16:34,650 --> 00:16:36,630
Girl, I have man problems too.
277
00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:41,320
Um,
278
00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:44,110
sweetheart, how much did you hear?
279
00:16:45,991 --> 00:16:52,859
to be worried about boys, and until you
can read Zora Neale Hurston and write a
280
00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:56,259
ten -page thesis, you just steer clear
of their twisted little minds.
281
00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:58,610
I know, but I like him, and he won't
sign my case.
282
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,770
Oh, honey, unless his name is Louis
Vuitton or Gucci.
283
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,150
That's tacky anyway.
284
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,550
Okay. How long do I have to sit here and
pretend I don't know you?
285
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,400
Just give it another half hour.
286
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:18,309
Jackson's always here on Wednesday
nights.
287
00:17:18,870 --> 00:17:19,970
Joe, this is Tuesday.
288
00:17:22,010 --> 00:17:23,060
Oh, damn.
289
00:17:25,390 --> 00:17:30,169
So, as I was saying yesterday, how long
do I have to sit here and pretend I
290
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:30,869
don't know you?
291
00:17:30,870 --> 00:17:34,809
Just until Jackson gets here. And if he
acts interested, you're just some
292
00:17:34,810 --> 00:17:37,940
stranger at the barn. If he blows me
off, you play for the Lakers.
293
00:17:42,630 --> 00:17:45,990
Oh, no, he didn't. Oh, yes, he did.
294
00:17:46,270 --> 00:17:47,320
Uh -uh.
295
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,730
Hi, you can't return my phone call? I
know you got my message.
296
00:17:54,980 --> 00:17:56,030
Yes, I did.
297
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,340
Oh, 40 of them.
298
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:02,460
Okay, what are you talking about? I only
left you one message.
299
00:18:02,461 --> 00:18:03,559
I have call ID.
300
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,739
Your number showed up over 40 times.
Now, look, Joan, I've been in these
301
00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:07,790
situations before.
302
00:18:07,860 --> 00:18:11,299
Oh, no, no. I don't need another one.
Stalker? No, no, no. A stalker is
303
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,620
who follows people around.
304
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,250
And here you are.
305
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:16,690
Okay, okay.
306
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:20,819
I might have called you a few dozen
times. One of my friends and colleagues
307
00:18:20,820 --> 00:18:25,639
know that I... Okay, I missed you. No,
I'm obsessive -compulsive, okay? And I
308
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:29,860
working that out in outpatient... Okay,
look, the point is, okay?
309
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:34,939
Me, I am not a stalker. Just stay away
from me, or I'll turn your name over to
310
00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:36,260
the LAPD Stalker Division.
311
00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:41,440
It's Mrs. Pepper all over again.
312
00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:52,600
Courtney? Uh, confused.
313
00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:54,310
Why? What happened?
314
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:58,060
Well, let's see. She asked me, what's an
orgasm?
315
00:18:59,460 --> 00:19:01,160
What's a porn collection?
316
00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:03,620
What is circumcised?
317
00:19:03,621 --> 00:19:06,899
What the hell have you been saying to my
child?
318
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:11,019
Oh, God. Um, see, you don't understand.
See, um, I went over to my girlfriend's
319
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:13,740
house and we got to talk. And you gave
her coffee?
320
00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:18,020
Yeah, and I also told her to stay away
from boys and encouraged her to read.
321
00:19:18,410 --> 00:19:22,470
Well, she did read. She picked up a Zora
Neale Hurston book, which is hardly PG.
322
00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:28,209
You're not the type of influence I want
around my child, Tony. But your child
323
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:29,109
loves me.
324
00:19:29,110 --> 00:19:32,540
My child also likes jumping on
furniture, and we see how that turned
325
00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:34,530
God, look, I'm sorry. No, no, no.
326
00:19:36,270 --> 00:19:37,710
I'm sorry, okay?
327
00:19:38,910 --> 00:19:42,220
I should have checked you out before I
ever exposed my child to you.
328
00:19:42,850 --> 00:19:43,900
So that's it?
329
00:19:44,490 --> 00:19:45,540
That's it.
330
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:50,840
Tell Courtney thanks for the lattes and
I'll pay her back when I can.
331
00:19:58,350 --> 00:20:03,289
I am not a stalker. Of course you're
not. That loser was lucky to have
332
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:04,340
as attentive as you.
333
00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:06,110
And I was good with that child.
334
00:20:06,350 --> 00:20:07,400
Yes, you were.
335
00:20:07,730 --> 00:20:10,330
That child was blossoming under your
care.
336
00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:14,829
You know what, Tony? It doesn't matter
what anyone thinks of us as long as we
337
00:20:14,830 --> 00:20:17,010
know the truth. That should be enough.
Damn.
338
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:18,460
Right. Damn right.
339
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:19,850
Woo -hoo.
340
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,959
And I may have lost little Courtney, and
I'm going to miss her. Uh -huh. But I
341
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:28,420
still have my ex. Yes. And one day, I'm
going to make a fabulous mother.
342
00:20:28,421 --> 00:20:32,039
Fabulous. At least on Mondays,
Wednesdays, and Fridays, Tuesdays, and
343
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,090
I'll be at the gym.
344
00:20:33,091 --> 00:20:34,879
Where's the child going to be on the
weekend?
345
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,709
Best thing there, Daddy. Girl, you know
I can't keep a man.
346
00:20:36,710 --> 00:20:41,260
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