Original subtitles

Oh, sorry, Maya and Joan. You thought you had it.

But not today!

Why has God forsaken me?

Oh, why have you forsaken me? I need a new partner.

Joan, I'm trying to be a good Christian. I pray, I testify, and where am I?

Still broke.

write me a check.

Tony, you're not supposed to be trying to get from the Lord. You're supposed to

be giving to the Lord. He's got the whole world in his hands. What could he

from me?

Tony, how about you try to volunteer someplace?

Why would you ask someone you hate to be your best man?

Because everybody else hates him, too.

So I know he's available.

Liam, I know you have some other friends that you can ask.

Don't you?

Yeah, but they're all imaginary.

And it'd be impossible to fit them for a tux. Of course I have friends!

It's just that picking a best man is very political.

Can't choose one guy from college because that would upset the others.

Can't pick my brother -in -law because then I'd have to invite him.

You're a nice, friendly, fun -to -be -around kind of guy. I am sure that

going to make some new friends in the next few months.

Or sooner.

Hi, I'm William Dent.

What do you think about a movie on Friday?

No, not gay. Just looking for a best man.

Oh, hey.

Maya. Good news.

I've arranged to get a temp Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons so that you can

leave early to go and take your classes.

Joan, I'm not going. Back to school.

My plans have changed.

Well, change them back.

Because I've got a temp who's cute, straight, and eager to please.

I can't.

Darnell doesn't think the timing is right.

He doesn't want you to go back to school?

It is such a long story.

Oh, come on. Let's go talk, and then we can call him on the job and hang up.

Sweetles and Zach showed up drunk again.

She's down to her slip and got him in a headlock.

assistant's not at her desk what that no account deadbeat

she's so fire can i help you well actually i'm here for a job interview

right now i'm really hoping it's not with you because you seem kind of tough

i'm tough but fair now who are you supposed to see uh jd dixon of dixon and

shapiro the advertising firm yeah they're on the 28th floor this is 27.

I'm new in town.

Okay, that's not much of an excuse.

Even in Atlanta, 28 came after 27.

I guess his own job and everything has just gotten me a little nervous, you

know? Oh, well, our firm has done a lot of business with them.

The thing you need to know about Dixon is, you know, all he wants to talk about

is his kids. You know, their pictures are everywhere, so make sure you comment

on how cute they are, which is going to be a chug, because them freaks are not

attractive.

Okay.

Don't laugh at the dog. face children.

Yeah, them suckers bark.

You know, it also helps if you pull out some pictures of your kid.

I don't have any kids. Oh, okay. You know, you can borrow mine. Here you go.

Whoa, cute kid. Yeah.

So is the attractive woman with him my wife or is that just my baby mama?

Well, that depends.

Does your new job come with benefits?

Is this where I check in to give back to the Lord?

I recognize you.

Back at the church, left side always needs right before the collection.

Just to put more money in the meter, sister.

Sister, the meters are free on Sunday. But you'll be judged when the time is

right.

Okay.

So what are we doing here?

You know that rapper, Little Player?

Wait, which one is that?

The one who does that song, Smack That Bitch Down.

Stop sticking your head.

That's why we gotta stamp out this crap rap for Jesus.

Stamp it out, sister. Stamp it out.

Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Ho, ho. Ho, ho. Little players got to go.

Hey, hey.

Ho, ho.

Little players got to go.

Hey, hey.

Wow, you really did fire your sister.

Okay, the jig is up.

Actually, I am the assistant.

Well, you should be the boss because you are a genius. Your advice...

He got me that job. Oh, my goodness, that's great.

Congratulations.

Yeah, he thought our little boy was a dork.

Oh, by the way, he's got a play date next Thursday.

Oh, okay. You were working it, huh? Oh, you know that.

And now I want to celebrate.

Since I don't know anybody else in town and I really could not have gotten this

job if it weren't for you, I was wondering if you'd like to join me.

You know that I'm married and not really to you.

Well, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean it like a date. I just meant like, you

like lunch.

Oh.

Oh, well, gotta eat lunch, right?

Great.

I've been wanting to go back to school, you know, finally get my bachelor's,

but... My other husband, Darnell, just doesn't seem to think the time is right.

You should go back to school.

With the right credentials, somebody with your charisma and initiative could

really go far. I know, but we had this plan that first he'd start his business

rebuilding engines with Pina and Em, okay? But I've been waiting on Em for

years now.

Pina? And Em.

Well, be careful. You know what happens to a dream deferred.

her husband okay whatever so uh hi

hi oh um yeah well

uh this is my boss jones jones this is really embarrassing

i don't know your name dan dan right nice to meet you nice to meet you just

having lunch

Nice to meet you.

And treat your assistant well.

She is the mother of my imaginary child.

Well, okay then.

Hey, Lynn.

Hey. Still got some mail coming to my house. Here you go. Thank you.

Oh, my feet are killing me.

Tony, who picketh in three -inch heels? Somebody whose calves don't look good in

two -inch heels.

Oh, my God. They approved my credit card application.

I bet you didn't believe in credit cards. I didn't. until I got one.

This is what I've been praying for. Wait a minute. I've been praying. Thank you,

Tony. Not for you.

For me.

See, that's the problem.

Too many people praying to God, he's getting confused.

he would be perfect for you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.

No, thanks.

I'm not really ready to get back to dating.

And even if I were, he's really not my type.

You mean intelligent, funny, sensitive, and attractive isn't your type?

Okay, what's with you?

Nothing's with me.

I'm fine.

I got a man.

A good man.

I'm just trying to do your lonely ass a favor.

I wouldn't go shouting through the halls about it.

So, how's it going?

Hey, hey, what's the matter?

I'm good, I'm fine. I'm okay. I just, um... No, I tried to, um... I tried to

tell my husband that I was going back to school, you know, and I said everything

that you had said about a dream deferred and, you know, my initiative and

my charisma, you know.

You know, he just had arguments for everything. You know, said that we...

that we'd wait until he got his business started you know but um you know i

never really wanted to agree i know i'm fine you don't have to do that i'm sure

i don't come here come here come here let it up just let it up i'm so

frustrated and scream

One more time, this time not in my ear.

I feel so much better.

Thank you.

I'm going to go freshen up.

Okay. See you around.

Maya?

She's not here.

Oh, hi.

Hi. Stan.

Yes, Joan.

Yeah, yeah.

Stan,

this is... That's kind of awkward. I mean, I don't usually do this kind of

thing, but Maya really thought that we should go out, and I was just thinking

maybe... Well, Maya was right about my job, and I'm sure she's right about you.

So, yeah, let's go out.

Okay, great.

How about tonight? You free?

Oh, you know, I got a whole bunch going on in my life right now, but, you know,

just by a fluke, I do happen to be free tonight.

Tonight it is?

Okay, great. I'll see you tonight. I'll see you tonight. Bye.

Well, Joan.

Huh? I finally broke down and asked my brother -in -law to be my best man.

Turns out he's been cheating on my sister for the past three years and

getting a divorce.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Well, why don't you ask the guys you play basketball with?

Ever since they found out that I vote Republican, they won't let me play in

of their reindeer games.

Gosh, I don't know, William.

Why don't you ask the guy who cuts your hair?

And piss off the guy that waxes my back?

Hey. Hey. Oh, hey, Maya.

You'll be happy to hear that I just talked to Stan and we're going out

What? Well, you said all those great things about him and I just thought,

the hell? I mean, maybe I need to get back out there. Isn't that great?

Yeah.

Great.

Looks like this lonely ass.

Finally found a lap to sit on.

Guess I should go dust off my diaphragm.

We saw Denzel.

Yeah, he wasn't too happy when he opened his front door.

What's wrong? Oh, my God.

I think I just saw somebody.

Hold on.

You know, some letters before they went out.

Well, where are the letters?

Um, it was cold outside, girl. Had to burn them.

So, how was the date?

It's still going on. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Okay, okay. Yeah, okay, okay. You know, I need to use your bathroom, girl. You

know, I've been drinking from your hose.

You know, it's late. I think I should go.

No, no, it is late. He should go.

Bye, Stan.

I had a great time tonight. Yeah, me too.

her wedding vows. Honorable Joan Clayton presiding.

And my first ruling is... Don't do that to my coffee table.

I don't want to play court. It's stupid.

We sound stupid doing it. Oh, we're doing it. I got my feet out of my foot

to get over here.

This is so ridiculous, okay? Me and Stan are doing nothing. It's just a fantasy.

Emotional infidelity is just as wrong as physical infidelity.

Because you know how we women are?

Once we give up our hearts, we're going to give up our parts.

That is so true.

Maya, I have had threesomes and foursomes and thensomes, but that was

No, you're trying to share emotions with another man, and that's just something

you're supposed to be doing with your husband.

Okay, okay, okay, fine.

All right, I'll end my little fantasy with him, because that's all it is, a

fantasy. All right? I'm just a girl going through a hard time looking for a

little male understanding.

Well, girl, you better hope you get a little male understanding when you drag

your cheating ass in at midnight.

Hi, I'm Kurt Loder with MTV News. In music news, Kilton Dead Records is once

again at the center of controversy.

It seems the Los Angeles church group is trying to shut down Lil Playa's video,

smack that bitch down, choke that hoe.

They do not like it, and they're not making FOMO.

Give me more to the Lord if we fasted.

Girl, you better go get us some food.

I can't.

I don't have any money.

I'm telling you, Selma, the Bible says the Lord answers all prayers.

Trust me. I've been asking.

I think he's screening my calls.

No, you can't just pray.

You got to meet him halfway. The Lord only helps those who help themselves.

I have been helping myself.

I've been making cold calls, watching the real estate channel.

I'm telling you, Selma, he don't like me.

He loves you and he's not going to forsake you. Now get to marching.

Hey, hey, ho, ho, little player's got to go. Hey, hey, ho, ho, little player's

got to go. The Lord can't hear that.

He don't listen to me anyway.

Hold up.

You're not one of those video hoochies, are you?

Depends on what videos you've seen.

Listen, there's a heathen on deck.

Selma, she's with me.

Lynn, what are you doing here? I came here to give you this. Here.

Your credit card?

I only applied for it because they were giving away free road hazard

flashlights.

You don't have a car.

That's why I need the flashlight. It's dangerous walking down the freeway.

It's free, okay?

Look, the point is, I know you've been going through some hard times, and I

figured you need this credit card more than I do.

I don't know when I'd be able to pay you back.

I've got over $200 ,000 in student loans.

My credit shot to hell. Go crazy, girl.

Thank you, Lynn.

Thank you, Jesus.

Hey, hey.

Oh, oh.

Cash advance.

Gotta go.

You turning your back on the Lord?

Sister, I can charge a lunch, too.

Run, girl. Run.

Listen, there's something I need to say to you. You know, you have been so

supportive of me these last couple of days. I like you.

It's hard not to be supportive.

Well, thanks.

Thank you.

But the thing is, um... The thing is, is I just wanted to say

thank you.

You're welcome.

I think this is your floor.

I decided that I am not going to stop seeing Stan.

Maya, I thought we... I know, I know, I know. I know what you're going to say,

but I really need his attention right now, and I don't want you getting all

judgmental about it.

Okay. And I don't want you seeing him anymore either, right? The fantasy

work if he's dating you, kissing you, or giving you some reason to use your

diaphragm.

Maya, I was just kidding about that.

Well, I'm not.

I think you're risking a lot.

I'm not giving up any of my part, so just let me have this.

I've been thinking about this best man thing, and it seems to me a best man

should be someone who's important in my life.

Someone who I rely upon, confide in, and love.

That's more important than gender, isn't it?

So will you be my best man, woman?

Oh, William, I would be honored.

That is so sweet.

Oh, all right now, John, come on.

Best man's not supposed to be kissing all over the groom.

Well, I guess it's all right in some states.

We'll put her there.

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