All language subtitles for Game On s01e01 Big Wednesday

But Sunday morning is only for the
black.

And the sacred moments of silliness are
where I find

my heaven.

I wish I had a girlfriend.

A lovely girl with a sweet, tender face
who wanted nothing more but

to lie in my arms.

While I shagged her silly.

Night after night.

Or just every now and then.

Or once.

A snog would do it a pinch.

A friendly smile would be better than
nothing.

Matt, has that board ever actually
touched salt water?

Has this board ever touched salt water?

Well, yeah, I just wondered if it had,
you know, ever done any surfing sort of

thing. Martin?

Yes? Does a bear shit in the woods?

I don't know, does he?

If he was caught short, he might do it
in his fur.

You sad bastard.

I wonder girls won't even look at you.

You haven't got a clue about anything,
have you?

Girls do look at me.

It's just the conversation and the
knobbing, they seem a bit reluctant.

What do you expect to happen when you
just stand there transfixed with that

soppy git look on your face?

They're hardly going to bend down, drop
their knickers and go, ooh, ooh, please,

Marty, take me roughly from behind.

I don't think I'd like it if they did.

Well, no, I suppose it might be all
right.

I've got a lot to learn about sexual
politics, mate.

Yeah.

I suppose amongst the sexual
politicians, you'd be like Prime

Matt?

Well, Home Secretary, then.

First Lord of the Admiralty?

Get first crack of the wrens, then.

Shut up a lot so I can concentrate on
waxing my board.

No, you didn't really answer me.

Has the board ever touched salt water?

This board... This board was once owned
by Brad Freebird Rivers,

the great Australian surfing champion.
This board has carried Brad... To

time after time. This board has ridden
waves a mile high.

This board embodies the glorious spirit
of freedom that only a surfer could ever

truly understand.

Matt, mate, it's not that I don't
believe you. It's just that, well, I

remember the last time you left this
flat, let alone went surfing.

I surf.

Well, I suspect you go surfing when
Mandy and I are at work.

Yeah, the minute we leave, you rush out
the door and go by private jet to the

south of France for a few hours of
hanging ten and walking the dog. Nobody

about that hanging ten shit anymore.
You'd better wise up, Mark, because you

headed for wipeout.

There's something else you should
understand.

In the life of a man, there are times
and there are feelings.

There is a time to surf and there is a
time to wax your board.

And I'm not just talking about surfing.

What are you talking about, Matthew?

I'm talking about seizing the moment.

I'm talking about taking control.

Hello. Hello, man.

Are there any messages?

Um, yes, yes, there's quite a few,
actually.

Is that all?

Yep, that's a lot.

Oh, no, you took a message from Andy,
didn't you, Matthew?

Did I?

Yes. You had to answer the phone because
I was going to the toilet at the time

and you were really cross because you
had to answer it. Oh.

Oh, yeah.

I don't really remember who it was,
though. I don't think it was anything

important. Stop mucking about, Matthew.
Who was it? I don't know.

It was Barry or something.

Matthew, I don't know anyone called
Barry. Why can't you just write messages

down, like Martin?

Who's Flattiesworth, anyway?

Whose phone is it?

Do you realise it's getting worn out
with all these people ringing up for a

with Mandy Wilkins?

I'm sorry nobody rings you, Matthew.

I expect Brad Freebird Rivers rings him.

And I'm sorry you had to answer the
phone and that it was somebody for me,

will you please, please just tell me who
it was? Oh, calm down, woman.

You're giving me a headache.

What do you think with you going on?

Yeah, I remember it.

It was some northerner.

He only had the nerve to try and start a
conversation with me. How are you then,

mate?

I don't know where you find him, man. I
really don't.

And did he, by any chance, happen to
disclose his identity?

He what?

Who was it? I don't know what his name
was. I think Northern.

Like, oh, for black pudding, something
like that.

It wasn't something like, um, Paul
Johnson, was it?

Hmm. I suppose it could have been.

Yeah, that was probably it.

Paul Johnson!

Who is he then, man? Does he know? Oh,
he's wonderful.

He's the most beautiful man I've ever
seen.

I only met him on Friday. I never
thought he'd ring me.

I don't know why.

You're an opportunity not to be missed.

Oh, do you think so?

Thanks, Matt.

Only because you've got Easy Lay written
all over you.

He's a boxer, by the way. Oh, is he?

Hey, Paul Johnson.

He's not Paul the Rage Johnson, is he?

Oh, don't be so thick, Martin.

Yeah, that's him.

The rage.

But Mandy, he's black.

Is he?

Oh, shit, I wish you'd told me.

Funny. He didn't sound black.

What did he sound like?

Northern. Ugly.

He's ever so famous.

He's always been photographed with page
three girls.

Hey, Matt.

If he's going out with Mandy, do you
think he'd let us have a go with some of

his spares?

If we begged him sort of thing.

We don't beg from black northern boxers.

Don't we?

Oh, Matt, I just want a girl.

Any girl.

I'd love her.

Even one of the rages rejects, I'd give
her good loving.

Marty, shape up.

Be like me, man.

Stay cool.

Wax your board.

Wait for your way.

The big Wednesday.

When the time is right, the girl will
come to you.

I wonder what he sees in Mandy anyway.

I'd rather have a page -free girl than
Mandy any day of the week.

But you haven't really got a choice,
though, have you?

Not like Paul the Rage Johnson.

Yeah, well, you'd better not muck her
around.

I mean, he may be famous, yeah, but I do
not want him coming round here, lording

it over us and upsetting Mandy.

If he steps out of line, he'll have me
to answer to.

He'll be sorry he ever had a sniff of
Mandy Wilkins.

He's a bloody good boxer, actually,
Matt.

He's only a middleweight.

Anyway, he's talking about boxing.

I'm talking about fighting.

The kind of fighting that you learn on
the streets.

What, street fighting?

Yeah.

Forget your Greensby rules, pal. I'm
talking about savage bloodletting.

Was this what you picked up on the
streets of Herne Bay, then?

Martin.

I could have him.

End of story, all right?

OK, listen, that's Paul come to get me.
Do you mind if I bring him in here while

I finish getting ready?

No, wheel him in. Let's have a look at
him.

Nice to meet you. I'm Martin, and this
is Matthew. Hi, mate. Oh, hi. Nice to

meet you.

I'm just going to finish getting ready.
I won't be long. Yeah, take your time.

I'll take your time.

Thanks.

Do you, er, want a drink?

Do they call you Paul or Rage?

No, just Paul, usually.

Or Sir.

Are we kidding?

Are we kidding?

There's a bottle of lager, I think, or a
cup of tea.

Oh, I'll have a lager, thanks. I'm not
driving.

What do you drive, then?

Lamborghini.

I'm getting rid of it, though. The
bugger's the start from the cold, you

Yeah, right.

Who needs it? Well, how about yourself?

What do you drive?

Um, I haven't really made my mind up
yet. I might get a Ferrari.

Ferrari?

Nice car. Cracking, yeah, lovely.

A test -rover Ferrari?

A Porsche and a Maserati before deciding
on the Lamborghini. All right.

Cheers, mate.

Yeah, that's a lovely table.

Really unusual.

Designer, isn't it?

I love designer stuff, mate.

Here, I've got my own range of menswear
coming out soon. Dead chuffed with it, I

am.

I like your necklace.

Do you?

Lee Santorini.

Got a dead cheek because he's a big
boxing fan. Only five grand.

Bargain.

Come on, Pop.

Come on, love.

Anyway, nice to meet you. Take care of
yourself.

Good luck for the big fight on

Wednesday. Thank you.

like his necklace?

No, of course not.

I was ripping the piss out of him.

Well, why did you say you liked it then?

Words aren't just words, you know, mine.

I mean, he knew that what I was really
saying was that your necklace looks like

a turd on a string.

I suspect he's dead frightened then.

Yeah, actually, now you come to mention
it, I thought I saw a look of terror on

his face.

bloodletting as it started.

Hello,

Mr Martin.

Hello, Mira.

Right. We'd like a chicken tikka boona,
a lamb pathanda,

two rice, two poshwari naan, a mushroom

bhaji, a spinach bhaji, an aubergine
bhaji, a tarka dal,

And a vegetable biryani.

Um, that's it, I think.

Okay. Oh, no, I suppose I'd better get
him some poppadoms as well.

How many, Mr. Martin?

Um, ten.

Five spicy, five plain.

Okay, thank you, Mr. Martin. Take a
seat, won't you, love?

Wow, that's a big order.

You guys having a party or something?

No, actually, it's just for me and my
pet monster.

I've got him chained up at home waiting
for his dinner.

No, really, it was a joke.

Oh, right.

Thanks. Bye.

Excuse me, but is that a turd on a
string?

Sorry, I mean, is that a Lee Santorini?

Yeah, it sure is. Do you like it?

Yeah, it's great. Yeah, my friend just
bought one. Yeah, they're really cool,

aren't they?

Lee's got to be the hottest jewellery
designer in L .A. Yeah, it's really

I mean, hot.

I mean, you're American, aren't you?

Yeah, my name's Nancy.

Martin. Oh, what's your first name?

Martin.

So your name's Martin Martin, right?

What a bummer.

Was she just called you Mr. Martin?

Oh, yes.

She could have always called me Mr.
Martin.

You see, the first time I came in here,
they said to me, what's your name? And I

said, Martin.

And they thought it was my surname.

So they've always called me Mr. Martin,
and somehow it's just stuck.

Well, it's not a very interesting story.

Why don't you just tell them that's not
your name?

Um, I don't know, I didn't like to.

Thought it might upset them or
something.

Wow. You English guys are really
sensitive, aren't you?

I couldn't believe it when she said
she'd go out with me.

I made it happen, though, didn't I? I
seized the moment.

Probably. She noticed your sad, wimpy
vibes and felt sorry for you.

Where do you think I should take her?

Why don't you bring her round here and
then we can both have a go at her?

And why would I want you to have a go at
her?

Well, you know, to see if she's all
right.

Test runner sort of thing. And then if
she passes muster, it's over to you.

I wanted to be interested in you,
Matthew. I wanted to be interested in

All right, all right.

Selfish bastard.

I suppose you'll be wanting some hints
on how to act cool and impressive.

Listen.

She's brought him back here.

Christ, man, he's going to shake the
rage.

I'll be through there for a date. Oh,
no, disgusting.

She can't say no to anyone, can she?

What about when you asked her to have
sex with you the other day and she said,

piss off, bollock face?

I don't know.

Hey, do you think Nan still shagged me
on our first date?

I'd be lucky if she turns up, wouldn't
I?

Do you hear anything?

I think they've got in the bedroom.

What's on the box?

Oh, it's, um, Sunset Beach again.

It's the one where Brett tells Jay he
thinks he may be gay until Jay beats him

up. Oh, right.

Do you and Paul have a good time?

Yes.

No. Paul's got that big fight on
Wednesday in New York, so he's in

He's gone to sleep.

No shagging, then?

Oh, for God's sake!

I wish you two would get your own lives
instead of being so bloody obsessed with

mine. No. No shagging, all right?

Satisfied, Miss Havisham?

Eh? What's going on about?

Miss Havisham was a character in Great
Expectations who was jilted by her lover

and sat deteriorating in a room for
years and years and never, ever went

Everything around her crumbled away to
dust and in the end she was burnt to

death along with her house.

Why don't you just leave us alone and go
to bed?

I can't really go to bed.

Come and have a look.

Shh.

Come on, quick.

Isn't he lovely?

I could have him.

Do you reckon?

Yeah.

Piece of piss.

Listen, I can't wake him up, so I'm
going to have to sleep somewhere else

tonight.

I don't mind if I stay with you tonight,
Mark.

I promise I won't pinch the duvet.

No. I mean, yes, of course.

Yes, please.

I mean, all right, fine.

That's it.

You two, leave me out of your cosy
little arrangements, as usual.

Bastards.

I do have a life, you know, Mand.

I've got a job in a bank and I'm going
out with an American girl called Nancy

Wednesday. Really?

Oh, that's great.

I hope you have a brilliant time.

Thanks.

Mand? Mm -hm?

Why did you choose to sleep with me and
not Matthew?

Because I trust you.

You wouldn't try any funny business.

Why wouldn't I try any funny business?

Because you're my best friend's little
brother.

You're like my little brother.

Oh, yeah.

Mand. What?

I don't always think of you like that.

Go to sleep, Martin.

Right.

I overslept. I didn't get much sleep
last night.

You jammy bastard.

No, I wasn't. I mean, we weren't. Oh,
God, I don't believe it.

She was offering herself to you on a
plate, mate.

She practically went to sleep as soon as
her head touched the pillow.

I got this massive erection. I couldn't
move all night in case it brushed

against her. It was terrible.

I expect you're a homosexual.

There's no other explanation for it, is
there?

Listen, Matt, I'm a happening guy.

I've got a life, I've got a date, and
the day after tomorrow is Big Wednesday.

Martin? What?

Forgot to stir.

What time's the fight?

It's on 7pm New York time and they're
five hours behind us, so it's on telly

here about midnight.

We'll probably have enough.

Just about.

I wonder how Martin's doing.

I hope he's all right.

He deserves a nice little girlfriend,
doesn't he?

No.

All right, then.

There's pie.

It's true.

I don't believe it.

Anywhere outside, Stuart.

Parks, the fields, the beach.

Football pitch when your team have just
won. Yeah.

Not that I've ever... Ever tried it in a
tree?

In a tree?

Yeah. Yeah, you're constantly in danger
of falling out. It gives you a real

buzz. I used to remember that.

I tried the restroom in a McDonald's
once.

Really? Yeah.

It was a gas.

I'm a Southpaw.

Go on, then.

Ask me what a Southpaw is.

Stop it, Mandy. Quick. Look.

He's really famous, isn't he?

I don't like going out with a celebrity,
Matt.

It's horrible.

All his friends think I must be a page
three girl.

Just ignore him.

How can you ignore somebody who comes
right up to you and says, I didn't know

you were going out with Paul. You're the
one with the big nipples, aren't you?

There's nothing wrong with being a page
three girl anyway, Mandy.

I wouldn't mind being one, for instance.

You should take it as a compliment.

But I'm the brainy type, Matt. I mean...

I've got a career.

You're a secretary, aren't you?

So, um, where are we going now, then,
Nancy?

Back to my place.

Well, that is what you wanted, isn't it?

Um, yes.

Yes.

Why not?

You don't have to worry. My roommate's
away till Friday.

Well, that's... that's cool.

God, it would be just my luck if he gets
knocked out tonight and goes into a

coma and I have to sit by his bedside
day and night for 20 years because if I

don't, the tabloids will hound me and do
stories on what a heartless bitch I am.

No!

How could they say that?

You're a really lovely girl, Mandy.

And your eyes are a really nice colour
tonight.

They'd dig up thousands of men and
they'd all tell nasty...

They'd make my sister tell them how I
wet the bed until I was 13.

13?

Yes.

Blimey.

I'm all right now, though.

I mean, bed wet in white.

That's good.

I'm home.

Well?

Did you have a good time, then? Don't be
stupid, Matt. Of course I didn't have a

good time. Look at the state of him.

No, it's all right, Matt. I'm OK.

I think he's in shock, Matt. He
practically did get a shag.

Hold his hand, Matthew.

I don't hold hands. I'm a man.

Hold it! Right.

Did Paul win the fight?

It hasn't started yet.

Don't you worry about that load of nasty
macho bollocks, Martin. You tell us

what happened on your date.

Well, the beginning of the evening went
very well.

I took her to the duck.

We had a few drinks.

It was very quiet in there.

Nancy told me a few stories about where
she's had sex and where she liked to.

She looked me right in the eye.

She smiled.

She sat with her knee touching mine.

Oh, you were game on, no question, mate.

And then she asked me back to her place.

You jammy bastard.

I couldn't believe it.

I was walking on air.

Seemed like only a couple of minutes. We
were up the stairs and outside her

door, and suddenly I thought, condoms.

Condoms? Well, I didn't have any.

A girl like that would think I was so
uncool.

I said, just a minute. I ran downstairs
into the street.

Took me about ten minutes to find the
chemist, but I've got a packet, look.

Look, a packet of three.

Mark, why are they all still here?

Because as soon as I came out the
chemist, I realised I was completely

I didn't have a clue how to get back to
her flat.

I hadn't noticed the number of the
street or even the name of the road. I

noticed anything.

I thought, you know, if I sort of ran
round the streets, I might recognise

something.

But I ran round the whole area for an
hour and a half till I was completely

exhausted.

And I didn't recognise anything.

So then I came home.

Oh, Martin.

Just think.

He's probably lying there.

On her bed.

Right now.

Legs akimbo.

Gagging for it.

You stupid shagwit.

Why didn't you bring her back here? Then
we could both have had a go at her.

Matthew! You are disgusting!

Well, I hate waste.

Martin,

where's your cigarette?

I don't know.

I can smell burning.

So can I. Somebody get some water.

I can still smell burning. There must be
a really big fire if I can smell it

from here.

It's funny.

I can't smell it anymore.

Neither can I.

Ah! Oh, shit!

It's in my pocket!

It's in my nipple.

any headache.

Matthew was right about me.

What are you witching on about now?

I'm a shagwit, aren't I?

Shut up, Matthew. I'm not in the mood.

Make him start, Matthew.

Shut up, Matthew.

Shut up.

You're so horrible.

Shagwit. Right.

I'm sorry, Matthew. I didn't want to
have to do this right now.

It was the ironing board.

So much for Big Wednesday.