Original subtitles

[upbeat music playing]

Focus, boys. Come on!

Quick, quick now.

Ball, that way! It was out that side.

[cheering]

[blowing whistle]

-You scumbag ref! -Dirty ref!

-Home team ref! -[man] Vile bloodhound!

We're way past playing time already!

What do you mean, shut up? He's been adding extra time on! Hey!

["Jimmy" by Boudewijn de Groot playing]

[music fades]

TWO MONTHS EARLIER

[gentle ukulele music playing]

[woman] You'll be playing over there, on that pitch.

That's cool, huh?

-Ooh. -Watch out!

Don't worry. Hi.

Nice. I'll ask where to go.

Oh. May I ask you something?

THE NAIL 14

[man] Well, it looks like we have a pretty decent team.

So, um, let's start strong this, uh, season and this year's competition,

so we can take this with us to the autumn.

Those who are doing good, uh, could, after that, even show enough skills

to get selected to the first team.

Having said that, we are also playing up a level this season.

Third division.

And so, um, be glad of what you all have achieved.

[woman] Can I ask you something?

So the ones who are good have a chance to advance to selection.

-But how are you defining "good"? -Yeah, precisely. How?

Do you have to be good at sucking up?

Because to me it seems talent isn't what really matters.

Mum, don't be so cringe.

Last season, you played well. But you're in Under-13's third division.

-That's what's cringe. -[woman 2] Yes, precisely.

Also, uh, we have, uh, we have two new guys to welcome.

One is a highly talented striker from another club,

and, um, uh, the other is from, uh…

has arrived from one of the lower teams.

Who's that?

-Vito. -Vito, with the wobbly legs?

With that hysterical mother with the big guns and the red plaits?

I kept… I was all by myself last season,

I, I, uh, wasn't just coaching, I also did the training and organisation.

And, uh, it was a tough summer and, you know, I couldn't handle everything.

-I was close to losing it. -Yeah.

So, in the hospital, I promised Miranda, my love,

that during this season, I would only be here as a coach.

Yeah, yeah. He's just here for the games. He won't do any training.

But thank God we found Yusuf, Mert’s father, who's willing to do that.

Only for practices. For the rest, I won't do, uh, any organisation.

And so who will?

[woman laughing] Yoo-hoo!

We're coming everybody. [laughs]

Hello. Hi!

[message dings]

[Marenka reading] Dear beautiful mums and dads!

Welcome to the parents of the champs group chat!

How awesome that I get to be your team leader, ha-ha-ha. #grateful

#all-the-confidence #let's-smash-it-with-this-top-team.

I added all your names!

[Boris] Zeger is spelled with one E.

[indistinct chatter]

[Marenka] Oopsie! Sorry, Zeger. #slipo-oops #lol

FOOTBALL PARENTS

[Marenka] Today, for the first time, another new awesome champ

will join our practice. Levi!

Hi. Excuse me. Do…

Oh, may I ask you something?

Do you know where the field for the, um, the Under-13 third team trains?

-You'll be with Yusuf then. -With Yusuf?

Yeah, not Jacco, and not me either, as I'm looking after the bar.

Here you go, champs.

The burnt bits are all scraped off for you.

-You can't sell them, they're burnt. -But why? They taste just as yummy.

-Didn't you hear the beeping? -Beeping?

Beeping. When the toasties are ready, it beeps.

Oh. I couldn't figure out what was beeping.

Yeah. Oh…

But Miranda, that's so very wasteful.

-Is someone serving you? -Can you just put a new one in?

Yep, yep. Doing it, yep.

[frustrated grunt]

Uh, Yusuf. Yes.

-[Arlette] Showering? After the game? -Yes, Code of Conduct, Article 6.

So bring a towel on Saturday and clean underwear.

-I think that Held will be too scared. -Florian will shower at home.

Yes, precisely, and Jelle.

Ah, no worries. Nowadays underwear can stay on when you take a shower.

Sorry, Sorry, but, you shower naked.

Yes, in the privacy of your own home.

All the players are on this list. Also the new boy coming to practice today.

Levi Ramdin. Surinamese?

Ramdin? Huh? There's a player at FC Utrecht called Ramdin.

-Do Surinamese shower with underwear on? -Oh yes, I'm sure they do.

Another thing they're taking away from us.

So why is it every season we're joined by new boys?

Well, this shabby little club needs the cash to survive.

Even more kids means less playing time for our own players.

-Yes, precisely. It's not okay. -Held gets a bad stomach around new kids.

At the beginning of each season, a max of three new kids can join the team.

Each kid arrives half an hour before practice starts.

And after the game, they have to shower.

-Without wearing their underpants. -Yes, precisely.

My son has come for his first day of training.

All members have to buy socks to train in.

-It begins at four -Huh. Then you're too late.

Yes, that's 'cause no one told us which field--

-Boys under 11 don't train on Wednesdays. -Boys under 13.

Under 13-3, starts at half four.

-The email said four. -Half four.

Can't you just relax, man? It's the kid's first day.

-Field C. -Say that then.

-Did the kid come from FC Utrecht? -No, only his father.

-So he didn't then? -No, from DCA.

He and I just moved. So, we're actually still kind of seeing…

Size?

-Size? -Of socks.

Um, S, I think. Or XS.

But it's just a training session, so I don't know if we need…

Well, I can't order them if you're not sure what you want.

-Then make it S. -It's 25 euros.

-Can I pay by card? -What do you think?

50 EURO MINIMUM

It costs me 10 cents per transaction.

-Is there a cash machine anywhere near? -Yep.

So, if they're pointed forward like this, he'll try to free their number 9.

But if you're on 5, then there are two defenders next to each other.

And if we need to take a shot, what must we always remember to do?

-Vito? -Please don't shoot me.

[snickering]

Sorry, but a kid like that should not have joined this team.

No, precisely, you can see right away he's not a footballer.

He's already bringing the team down,

and they need to prove themselves in a few weeks' time.

Prove themselves?

Yeah, the selection committee could come anytime.

Let that kid just go do ballet. Huh?

It's him. Look, look. Ramdane Ramdin

You mean…

Ramdane Ramdin. FC Utrecht. Winger.

That's how fast that guy is, yeah.

That's nice, but practice is being disrupted by a newcomer,

and look how late he is.

Yeah, precisely.

Arriving late for training means the next game will be spent on the bench.

It says it starts at 4:30?

It’s now 4:38 p.m. That’s why everyone has to be here at four o’clock.

That way, if something goes wrong on the journey,

you’ll still be on time. Hi, Levi.

Vito is also new.

He has a great deal to learn, but at least he showed up on time today.

16:00 hours 39.

We've wasted one minute, so we'll go on a minute later.

Everyone, grab a ball!

Is he okay?

I think perhaps he's got a very high IQ.

Go ahead.

No.

Why not? Come on, champ. I'll take this.

Go ahead and play. Come on. Don't be like that.

Hey. Hmm? Hey, don't you want to? Why not?

Hi.

Come, I'll show you everything.

Okay, so we train on this side,

and that half of the pitch is where we usually play the games.

[gentle music playing]

[inhaling]

Oh, how very shitty of me. I didn't recognise you at all earlier.

I'm Marenka.

Multi-talented, mother to Vito, and Jacco's assistant.

Oh, that's cool. Lilian.

-Dilian. -Lilian.

-Hilian? -Lilian.

-Dilian? -Lilian.

Lilian. Then I'll call you Liel. Nice, Liel.

And your little boy wants to come and play here?

Might do. Yes.

You're already champs, you are. Have you got the socks?

No, not yet, because I cannot find a cash machine anywhere around here.

Oh, ships, I should've e-mailed you about that.

No problem.

It is a problem. I can see I've made you feel rubbish.

-It's not that bad. -No, it is bad.

Come on, woman. Those socks will be a gift from me.

-Uh… -Come.

[both chuckling]

Come on.

Oh, whoa.

[gentle guitar music playing]

[Yusuf] Nice ball!

Well done.

Penetrate. Penetrate. Well done, good defending.

Header.

Last one out.

He's talented. Do you think he gets that from you?

[Yusuf] Nice.

FC Utrecht, right? I said, "I think it's him."

[laughing]

Then I saw your kid. Yeah, I knew for sure.

Physical ability tells you everything.

-Just like with Nathan Ake. -Aké.

Yes, Ake. You can see that he's the son of Gullit.

Which he isn't.

[Yusuf] Run, run. Nice, good defending.

Can you see it in me?

[Yusuf] Header.

See what, sorry?

Go Ahead Eagles, 1978.

Wildekamp. Really tall player.

The left-back with the powerful kick.

Yeah. That was my pa.

[Yusuf] Good job, Levi.

Jordi.

Levi's dad was a pro football player too, like grandpa.

If you train hard, you can be just like him.

Well, they say talent skips a generation, don't they?

Sometimes it doesn't.

[laughing]

["Tomorrow Will Be Mine" by Danny Vera playing]

♪ You know I will get there And I will be on time ♪

See you.

[Miranda] Marenka, what on Earth are you even doing?

You shouldn't turn it up this high. You're turning it up way too high. Dammit.

That is Miranda.

Oh. She's a sweetheart,

but when she's left alone for too long it triggers a trauma,

-She can get a teensy bit bothered. -Okay.

Ouch. Goddammit.

[moaning]

We've all got bar duty as parents. There's no getting out of that, lady.

[giggles]

I make the schedule. Do you prefer Wednesday or Saturday?

-So she's always on the bar on Wednesdays? -Yeah.

-Then I can make Saturdays. -Oh cool!

They're the longest shifts, but Miranda will also be here, so don't worry.

Okay, but at the minute, we're not even sure if we're staying around or…

I can see a hug is what you need at the minute.

Oh… [laughs]

Come. Come on.

Come here. It's okay.

So you know, it's always good when it's up in the air.

What's my mum doing with that weirdo?

That's my mother.

Ah.

You must be all-star Levi.

Are you? Yeah.

I am momma to Vito. And you're already besties, huh?

-Yeah. -Ha!

And your name is?

What? Don't you know?

-No. -That's Ramdane Ramdin.

Um…

See you Saturday after the game, alright?

You're not coming to watch it?

Boris. Bit of a shock, huh?

-What? -Seeing it of this level.

Um, I've not seen it just yet.

I'd stay that way. So, Levi's a striker?

At his previous club, yes. Yeah.

Zeger too, so he won't train again.

-Why? -Two strikers in one team? How's that?

And newcomers always get priority. Not your fault, but that's how it is.

So, from now on, you'll only see Zeger at the games.

-Come. -[clears throat]

Yusuf.

The rules and codes of conduct were presented to Levi's father.

Code of Conduct?

On Saturday, Levi is expected at 8.30 a.m.

FCH, Third Watering-Klinkaartschans 102.

-Welcome to the team. -But I don't even know if…

You don't have to worry. I'll put it in the group chat and add you.

You'll ride with me, Liel. See you all on Saturday.

-Come on, Vito. I've got the laundry. -Hi.

-Hello. -Arlette.

-Sandra. -He's a real addition.

Absolutely. Yeah. We're always so happy to welcome newbies.

Yes, we're always open to it.

But I'd keep your distance from her, if you want my advice.

Yes, precisely. Give her an inch, and she'll take a mile, yeah.

[laughs] See you Saturday.

BUY 1 GRILLED CHEESE 1 FREE

["Limonade" by Snelle playing]

[chucking]

[Marenka] Dear wonderful parents! Saturday, first game away against FCH!

Be there at 7:30 #GoToBedEarly.

The laundry bag will go home with Florian after the game!

#LetItSpin @lol, good luck!

Ai ai ai, the weather is terrible!

Hope our champs' game doesn’t get rained off #fingerscrossed

[Sandra] When will we know?

I'm not driving back and forth if it gets cancelled.

All done! Oh, there's some more rubbish.

The game is on! Not cancelled! Yay! See you soon, champs!

[Arlette] Why is it still on? The weather is still shit…

[Sandra] Yeah, precisely.

[music continues]

Hi.

Hi.

No driving license too, huh?

I have one.

Oh. Oh, okay.

[Ellen] No, no, not next to Jordi.

You go in the front. Yes. Or you'll get sick.

What the fuck?

[music continues]

Yoo-hoo!

Hi.

[car tires screeching]

Yoo-hoo! Today's the first game for your little man, yeah?

Get in.

Oh, don't worry… [laughing]

Yeah. Come on, come on.

Yeah. Here we go. Just hang on a sec.

-Oh, nearly there. -Oh, sorry!

-Sorry about that. Yeah. -Ah!

-[revs] -Gently, gently, easy on the clutch.

-[wheels screeching] -Whoa!

[Marenka] Whoo-hoo, here we go!

[Marenka] Oops, sorry, my name is Corrie!

Washed the shirts a tiny bit too hot,

maybe a little too small now for our big champs.

[Arlette] Jesus Christ.

[Sandra] Yeah, precisely.

MESSAGE DELETED

So, as Held, Mo and Levi were late for practice,

according to the rules, they will begin this fixture on the bench.

-Held was not late. -He was. One and half minutes.

-The training hadn't even started. -Only because of the three who were late.

Held had an upset stomach, and had the shits because he was nervous.

[clears throat]

[Yusuf] We have two extra subs, so we substitute every eight minutes.

So, because there are two new kids now, our own players have to be punished?

Jacco, come on.

We decide the line-ups in the changing room and not in here.

And I promised Miranda the parents will not meddle

in any line-up decisions this year.

Okay then. So, who's gonna be keeper?

That's it, champ. Go for it.

-I'm not sure if that's a good idea. -No, precisely. Anyone else like to do it?

Well, Vito. Then you may.

As we said before,

-this is a discussion for the change room. -Okay.

But I think Mo should be goalie for the first half.

Mo, will be on the bench. So he cannot.

That's what we're doing!

Come, boys, let's get to the changing room.

Come. Now. Come.

But if Mo wants to play outfield and Vito wants to be goalkeeper,

then let's hope all's good.

No, Marenka. In this team we teach children that their own interests

are not always what's best for the group.

[Sandra] Yes, precisely.

[Ellen] This tense atmosphere is bad for Held's bowels.

Just stop it.

[gulps]

Hey, Mo. Come on, son. You're the goalkeeper.

[laughs]

Okay, boys, come. To the changing room.

No, not for Held.

[Marenka] How wonderful. My Wietse is already warming up to assist.

-Assist who? -Referee.

I couldn't believe how stressed he was last night.

And he was up at 4:30 this morning.

-Is that because of the game today? -Yes. He really wants to do a good job.

[loud crack]

Oh! Oh no.

[jaunty country music playing]

-Oh no. Get off, Mum. -Yes, yes, yes.

-You must put some on your face, darling. -Mum! Leave me alone, Mum!

The UV radiation is very, very high.

Zeger, you're late. Changing room six, yeah?

Smash it.

And you need something on your wrists. He has these, make sure he puts them on.

What, because he's late? What kind of nonsense is this?

GUESTS

-Good job, son. -[whistle blows]

[Jacco] Vito, pay attention.

-Yes, let's get going! -Let's keep it up. Kick, kick the ball.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah! -Yes. Chop chop!

-Get the ball. Tackle him. Run! -He's coming.

-There. -Come on, get the ball.

You heard him ask. He's asking for it! He's asking for the ball, isn't it?

Throw it to him. He's shouting your name, no?

Communication! He's unmarked!

He is… No! No, Vito! The other way, come up.

The other direction. Come on!

Go the other way, Vit.

-Train on this side? -[Wietse] That goal, yes.

Sweetheart. Are you walking with those jugs?

-I'm going to give you a hand. -Oh. Thank you.

Come get a drink. Have that.

[laughing]

Great job, champs! Arriba, arriba! André, André!

That scream…

Take him out! Block the ball!

Good show.

[Sandra] Pass it! Pass it!

[Jacco] What is he doing? Come on, guys.

[people cheering]

[parents groaning]

[laughing]

He's such a dreamer. He's like that in class, too.

Completely lost in his own world.

Yes, so long as other kids don't have a bad time as a result,

then it's fine.

Precisely. This is a team sport.

He's very philosophical.

Definitely not a footballer.

No, but that's not a problem, is it?

It's brilliant he's out there enjoying himself.

[laughing]

See him waving his little flag? Superb.

And the ball wasn't even out.

It was offside.

No, Liel. No, no. The ball didn't cross over the line.

[whistle blowing]

-Whistle? -Yep.

[whistle blowing]

You alright, Held? Are the studs hurting in your boots again?

No.

Fantastic, Wietse.

-[panting] -[laughing]

You were completely absorbed in the match.

-Are you okay? -Yes. It's only my ankle.

I’d happily take over from you, but… I really don't know enough about it.

That could be said for all the mothers, though, hey?

[chuckling]

Anyone for coffee?

Surely now is the time for some of that apple juice for the real grown-ups?

The golden boy with the blonde quiff?

He means beer. He's joking.

Oh! [laughing]

I'm going to wet my pants! [laughing hysterically]

What a sense of humour.

You're the last man, so you can act like you are the coach.

Direct the play, okay? You have to open it up for everyone.

-[knocking on door] -Find some space. Always push from the--

May I ask you something real quick?

Only if it's urgent and not about the line-up, okay?

No.

So, Mert hasn’t been substituted just yet,

and at Levi and Florian have sat on the bench a bit longer.

[Yusuf] No, every player has spent exactly eight minutes on the bench.

I think the time has passed for that.

Absolutely not. It's been exactly seven minutes.

-Still one to go. -They're both gonna stay on the bench?

One minute. Otherwise, they’d be on a shorter time than the rest.

No, Yusuf.

We're behind two-nil, so Florian and Levi will both start the second half.

And certain other kids won't be playing in the second half?

We'll just put him at left-back.

He can do the least damage there, and he doesn’t need cover.

Out of here now, out of the changing room!

-Okay. -Okay, time!

The second half is starting, get up.

-Okay, guys. -Go, go, go!

Okay, okay. Go, go, go, go, go, go, guys. Come on.

Good job.

Hot coffee coming up!

Fantastic, yes.

I don't mean to be rude, Marenka. Have you ever had him checked out at all?

I mean, his legs, he's very unsteady on his feet.

I'd find that worrying.

It can't be easy for Vito too, isn't that right, Vito?

They're gonna put him on left-back anyway.

Left-back? What a laugh! You know what that is, don't you Vit?

I really need to sit down for a bit, love. This is a lot for my ankle.

Yes, sure, darling. You must. I'll take over for now.

No, come on now.

-Oh, sorry, you'd like to? -No, no, not me.

-You? -Hm?

-Edwin? -Torn cruciate ligament.

Same injury as my father.

-Do you feel very anxious? -No, we would.

I mean, just make sure that you can do it.

I mean, I've never done it, so I think I can do it.

[laughs]

That's from Pippi.

That's what we say to each other at home, right, Vit?

Yeah. Go on, champ, go on. Go on.

Thanks to that fucking Pippi,

we're stuck with that kid all football season.

-[Yusuf] Swearing's a red card. -[whistle blows]

[rock music playing]

Marenka, stay in your own half. Marenka.

Marenka!

-[cheering] -[yelling happily]

[cheering]

Did you see that? Wow!

-Yes, yes, shoot! -Yeah, come on!

[all cheering]

[Sandra laughing]

[Edwin] Fantastic player, just like his dad.

-Yeah, man. -Isn't he?

Oh, this is what we needed.

-Levi makes the whole team play better. -Not Zeger. He was already good.

Up there, go on!

[cheering]

Aw!

Nothing to do.

You have to stay on your half. That side of the field

-For God's sake. -Get that side.

But it…Yeah, yeah, okay.

Oh, shit. Sorry.

-[Lilian] What's she doing? -[Edwin] Filming. As usual.

If it's offside, then we'll be able to see the mistake on video,

like some sort of VAR.

[scoffs]

-[Marenka] Oh, dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. -[Arlette] Offside, put the flag up!

[crowd cheering]

That's offside. Marenka, put the flag up!

The ball wasn't over the line.

Raise your flag. Get it up.

It's offside. Are you blind?

Of course it is, you just have to look and keep your eyes open.

[man] Flag! Offside!

[woman] It was offside.

Can you get yourself off the field?

Oh my God, what is this? I have it on video here. What is this?

Look, look, look, look, look. -Yes, there.

Hey, what's going on? You can't go on, hello.

Guys, no!

[crowd cheering]

[Edwin] For crying out loud.

Ah!

-Oh. -Oh, dear. Are you alright?

I'm okay. Ugh. They're just emotions, Boris. I snap too.

Can you tell me what's this all about?

-I'm suspending the game. -[whistle blowing]

It's all because of Vito.

His arrival is such a huge blow to the team.

And that feels like an injustice, and I can't take that.

As a group, you're only as strong as your weakest link, Jacco.

Precisely. Some boys have a real shot at making the selection,

but with Vito in the team, they'll only get worse.

If they're at the bottom, the committee won’t come to watch.

We're thrilled with Levi, right? Don't get me wrong.

Absolutely. But why is Vito on our team, Jacco?

You've got to admit that it brings the level right down.

If anyone had gone for team leader roles amongst you,

then Vito wouldn't even need to be part of this.

Just because you're not able to do any organisation,

we're stuck with that kid on the team.

Lilian? Liel? [grunts]

Levi hasn't brought a towel or any fresh underpants.

-What? -For the shower.

Haven't you read the rules and codes of conduct? Anyway…

Luckily, I always have a clean pair here in my bag.

Yes, her giggling can cause little accidents sometimes.

Yeah. It's an S, so it should be fine.

Yes? Okay, good.

WELCOME

[melancholy music playing]

You should have told him to bring a towel and underpants with him, Ramdane.

Isn't that obvious? They all shower after they finish.

But naked, right? Don't you lot shower naked?

You lot?

You lot. Pro footballers.

-I'll be waiting in the car for him. -Yes.

Uh, sorry, Liel. He won't put them on. So now it looks like he wet himself.

So you kept them on the whole time in the shower, right?

Well done, you two. On to the next one.

[Lilian] That's not entirely certain yet.

What? What do you mean, friend?

Levi and I have only just moved here quite recently,

and we'd like the chance to look around a bit more.

[Marenka] Why would you, my love?

We're also in contact with other football clubs.

-Which ones? -There is only one.

Why are you getting so red now, Liel? What's bothering you?

Levi…

in this team, it's so full of potential.

Some here, uh, could certainly make the selection.

And that's where you're going to help them.

Because of you, everyone plays better. I saw that today.

Because you're such an exceptionally good footballer.

And we're finally in the third division, so I would really love it if you remained.

Here, for our newest asset.

An unhealthy portion of brown fruit.

[laughing]

Brown fruit. Stop, I'm going to pee.

[laughing]

Hilarious. Dig in, boys, eat up. Take some.

MARENKA HAS ADDED LIEL (MOM OF CHAMP LEVIE)

[Mareka] Welcome, Liel!

Welcome to our team. Dear beautiful cutie Levie.

[Arlette] Awesome to have 1 new kid.

[Sandra] Yeah, precisely, great that you joined us, Levi.

[Edwin] Levi is top, just like his dad.

Here, here. Take that, take that.

[Marenka] I think so too! See you on Wednesday beautiful souls.

Take that. Take it!

["J.O.S. Days" by The Nits playing]

♪ It's a family tradition To play in a football team ♪

♪ I have nephews, dumb but tall Who, still foetus, kicked the ball ♪

♪ I've got flat feet And my knees are weak ♪

♪ They all thought it was time to start My J.O.S. days ♪