Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up...

What's got sal so confused?

What the what?!

Narrator: Why is murr being

such a mama's boy?

Is there a Mrs. Murray in the

store?!

Narrator: And why is

tonight's big loser documenting

his own demise?

Yeah!

Today, we're shopping for

great deals at

lot-less closeouts.

But what's our deal?

Well, we have to do and say

whatever the other guys tell us

to.

If you refuse to do or say

any of it, you lose.

And nobody likes to lose.

Nobody.

Sal, start shopping out of

people's hands.

Whatever they grab is the thing

you wanted.

The lady with the denim shirt.

Oh, I thought you were

putting it down.

Sal, everything she picks,

you want... every one.

And just keep holding them.

This one looks nice.

Keep going. Do it again.

I just was looking, like, at

this one here.

Thank you. Thank you.

She's onto you.

Take the hat off her head.

She won't let go!

I was just looking at it.

This one.

She's gone!

She did the old tap on the

shoulder.

Wow.

Murr?

Sal, stand right near those

cookie-jar things.

Get somebody's attention and go,

"hey, hey, hey."

Hey, excuse me.

Now slowly push the cookie

jar off the shelf and wink at

her.

Now slowly push another one.

Hey, hey.

Sal, push one more cookie jar

off and blame the guy right in

front of you.

Hey.

Push the cookie jar.

Now blame him. Blame him!

This guy just pushed a cookie

jar.

He pushed it, not me.

That guy right there pushed it.

Everybody saw it.

Oh, he gave you a stink-eye,

man.

All right, murr, load your

arms up with shampoo.

And uh-oh, buddy, you got a

sneeze coming.

But you can't cover your own

mouth with stuff in your hands,

buddy.

No!

So, you got to borrow

somebody's hand to sneeze into.

That's impossible.

It's not impossible.

Nothing's impossible.

I've seen you do worse.

Can you give me a hand for a

sec?

I'm gonna sneeze.

Put your hand out.

I don't want to sneeze

everywhere.

Just put your hand out real

quick.

I'm gonna sneeze.

Put your hand out.

He's gonna bite you.

What is he doing?

Put your hand out.

Hold the paper open.

Ah-choo!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Was that a shopping list?

A shopping list!

Red cap.

"If I steal stuff, you got my

back."

Psst.

If I steal stuff, you got my

back?

"No!"

Guy code, man.

Now, murr, go steal something

in front of him.

Keep going.

Keep stealing stuff.

Ask him if he needs anything.

"While I'm shopping, do you want

me to get you anything?"

Do you want me to get you

anything?

'Cause you and I are a team.

Me?

Me?

Us.

Us!

You're in this deep, man.

It's too late to turn back.

Murr, stand right there.

Go, "mommy?"

Go, "mommy?"

Mommy?

Turn. "Mommy."

Mommy?

You look like a crazy person.

My mother.

Mom.

Mom.

I can't find her.

Murray.

She's mom Murray.

She's mom Murray.

Ma?

You look nuts, you idiot.

My god! He's 37!

Grab her hand! Grab her hand!

Go pick out the girliest

blouse.

Good. Now put it on.

Oh, no.

Now get people's opinions,

buddy.

What do you think, champ?

No?

Shoot me straight.

What do you think, buddy?

Go for it.

Go for it?

Mixed reviews.

This woman right here.

Excuse me.

Do fries come with that

shake?

She's standing there, waiting

for it.

Enjoy your day.

Joey?

Mm-hmm.

I got a crazy idea.

I want you to lurk in the side

aisle, and when I say, "go," I

want you to shoot across the

aisle as fast as possible.

Wait for the gunshot and just

shoot out?

You just wait till I tell

you.

Go!

Coffee mugs.

Go!

Shampoos!

Go!

Candles.

Go! Go, go, go!

Can openers.

Keep going. Keep going.

Go!

Hard candies.

All right, Joe.

Grab a snack.

Got it?

Chocolate-covered pretzels.

And now leave a trail.

Leave a food trail right down

the aisle.

Yeah, a whole trail down the

aisle.

Joe, what's the trail for?

Sorry.

It's just so my fat son can find

me later.

Michael, I'm in candles!

Michael, I'm moving over to

shampoos.

Over to flatware now, Mikey.

Michael, I'm in housewares.

Narrator: Q bought himself a

loss.

So, he's first on the loser

board.

We're teaming up to teach

professionals how to close a

deal over lunch.

But the catch is, our

presentations have been made by

the other team.

At the end of the seminar,

we'll ask the attendees to raise

their hands if they've learned

something valuable.

Whichever team has the fewest

hands raised loses.

Power lunch.

Power lunch.

Lot of business.

Lot of business going on...

Power!

So, thank you for coming to

our little seminar here about

how to deal with people over a

business meal.

We found there was a real

need for this sort of education

in the business world.

Everyone's been to a bad

business lunch.

Not everyone has necessarily

been to a good one.

What?!

He's such an idiot.

Okay, so, let's get started.

You two are gonna lose.

We are taking this one home

today, boys.

Yeah!

Here we go.

Confidence and leadership in

simple ways.

So, here's a few ways to do

that...

Do it again.

You want to just?

We'll do a little play-acting.

I'm here for the

lobster fra diavolo.

Fra diavolo!

So, I'll take

lobster fra diavolo.

Here's your

lobster fra diavolo, sir.

Not good enough.

I'm not happy with the

fra diavolo.

Send it back.

It goes back again.

You're showing yourself in a

power position.

Even if that fra diavolo looks

delicious...

Sir, I have your...

sir, I'll go find another

establishment to eat at if this

fra diavolo is not to my liking.

Get this fra diavolo right.

They won't be annoyed.

The fra diavolo... the

fra diavolo is not to my liking.

Back to the kitchen.

The whole thing about the

fra diavolo being right is not

either here nor there.

The fra diavolo is the

fra diavolo.

Then, the last step you're gonna

want to do is...

This is the fra diavolo?

That's the...

I'll take a Caesar salad.

You can't spit in a salad.

Fra diavolo.

That's great.

Okay.

Okay, this is an

acceptability of farts as

comparison to the amount of

people in the room.

The more people that are in the

room, there's more people to

blame it on.

The more you can fart, because

then you can be like, "this

guy," right?

If you're in a meeting with

just you and I, you know, and I

crack a rat...

Cracked a rat?!

You're gonna know it's

me, 'cause there's only two

people.

Right.

But if there's 10 people in

the room, and I crack a rat, you

don't know if it's me cracking

that rat or Omar cracking that

rat.

Have you ever been in a meeting

and somebody's cracked a rat?

I don't know who did it.

We're just looking at each

other, like, "something smells."

Mm-hmm.

Somebody's cracked a rat.

Yes, that's right.

Little space there between...

Be generous... definitely.

You want to make sure that

there's enough to go around for

everybody.

If there is a spread of

appetizers or anything, you want

to make sure that everybody's

getting a piece.

Wash your hands.

You don't want to be eating

abroad with dirty hands.

Yes.

And then be punctual.

It's important to come on time.

Yep.

Yeah, you definitely don't

want to come first.

'Cause then you're sitting

there by yourself.

So, you just want to try to...

And you don't want to come

second because then everybody's

waiting around for you.

You're just trying to come on

time.

How many people here think that

they actually learned something

of value today?

Just show of hands.

Did anybody learn anything of

value?

Two... two, three.

You learned something of

value, yeah?

Oh, no.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

You all deal with sales in

some capacity or clients in some

capacity.

We're going to teach you how to

close a deal over a business

lunch.

Let's begin.

Okay.

Now have a move to accentuate

your point.

Show them your moves, boys.

What I would try to do is

show my disdain in a lighter

fashion.

So, I would actually use...

I'm not sure I agree with you.

Well, there are moves that

are supposed to be assertive but

not confrontational.

Someone says, "we're not gonna

be able to close the merger.

Third-quarter sales are down.

What have you?"

I'd be like, "what the what?!"

Let's move on.

An easy tip calculator.

A lot of phones have it as an

app now, by the way, and it

automatically calculates it.

But the calculation going on in

the background is this formula.

Just get the app, and you'll be

fine.

So, the easy tip calculator that

we've generated is here.

Sal, you want to explain?

Sal, help him, man.

What are you doing?

"N" here... this will

represent the country's tax,

right?

Murr, look like it's not

making any sense.

Okay, 2 is gonna remain a

constant, but you want to get

rid of the denominator.

So, you're gonna multiply...

Look at the look.

Look at him.

Percent.

This is gonna equal 15.

And of course you want to

square-root it.

So, the square root of 15 and 15

is something around 190.

This is 1 over 3.5.

Now, we know we want to inverse

that.

You divide.

So, you're gonna move two

decimal places over.

So, the 0.35.

This is gonna end up being on a

$190 Bill roughly a $42 tip, or

15%.

That wraps up our seminar.

And what we'd like to do, to

help us improve our

presentation, can we ask you, by

a show of hands, how many of you

feel you've learned something

valuable here today?

All right, that's 100%.

Oh, man.

I can't believe this.

Both: Hot dog!

Narrator: Looks like Joe and

q will be lunching on the loser

board.

You guys ever feel like we're

just walking around in circles?

All the time.

Let's face it.

We are no runners.

Speak for yourself.

We're at Jack rabbit's

sports helping customers find

some sneakers.

While working the sales

floor, we'll have to do and say

what the other guys tell us.

If you refuse to do or say

anything, you lose!

This is joker vs. Joker

challenge.

Long hair versus

short-shorts.

Yeah, you better run!

Narrator: It's q and murr in

the joker vs. Joker challenge.

Look at this 'tween girl's

legs.

I'm in a running store.

I'm gonna wear my running

shorts.

Terrible legs.

No, they're not.

They're muscular. They're toned.

They look like twigs with

shoes.

Hi.

Hi. How are you, sir?

James.

Peter.

Peter, nice to meet you.

Give me a little background as

to your running experience.

I've been running now for a

long time.

Okay.

Probably...

Yawn in his face.

I could do four miles, five

miles.

Excuse me.

So, I need something that's

gonna...

Yawn.

You know, my hips.

Excuse me.

Am I boring you?

No, no, no.

It's the midday blues.

Okay, come on up here.

All right, I'm going to track

the gait of your running, okay?

And afterward, we'll watch the

video, and I will show you what

I see.

That's great.

We're just tracking the gait of

your running.

All right, murr, you got that

little foot camera down by his

feet?

Yeah, the foot-cam.

Right.

There you go, my friend.

And just grab that video

camera and hold it up to his

ass.

Zoom in right now... right up to

his ass.

There you go.

Right there. Hold it.

Murr, let's analyze.

Stop it and play back the tape

to him.

Okay, good, good, good.

Let's take a look.

Good.

And the legs are jogging.

See, you're working it.

And here...

Nice glutes.

I guess.

Let me ask you something.

Do you mind if I take a copy of

this home?

Do you mind...

If I take a copy of this video

home with me today?

That's kind of weird, no?

Tell me what's happening.

What are you looking for?

What's your background?

Before we get started...

Before we get started...

Nice ponytail, cupcake.

Oh-oh-oh-oh.

Nice.

Okay, what size are you?

9 1/2.

9 1/2.

Q looks like a villain from

an '80's movie.

Yeah, a kung fu movie.

9 1/2.

Golden.

Booya!

Those are the ones.

Did you try on socks?

Yeah.

I'll get you some socks.

One more thing, buddy.

Hey, one other thing, buddy.

You want weed?

You... you want weed?

I'm good.

You're good?

These are what I'm wearing

right now.

Those feel good?

Yeah.

You want to try them out on

the treadmill?

Yeah, I'd like to.

Okay, great.

Yeah! All right.

Start, like, at 3.

How's that sound?

Nice and easy.

Yeah, I can handle that.

Great.

Hop on the treadmill.

Get on with him.

Get on with him.

Get on with him!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

He knocked over the camera!

I don't know what happened.

You idiot!

Your fat feet couldn't run fast

enough!

All right, all right.

Narrator: Q had a good run,

but he's still tonight's big

loser.

Q is this week's loser!

Yes!

And for your punishment, we're

gonna send you out and about for

a little video scavenger hunt.

The thing is, q's right arm

is in a cast, and he can't move

it at all.

It doesn't move.

You're gonna have to go out

there and film whatever we tell

you to until we tell you to

stop.

I hate you.

All: We love you!

This is horrible.

You're like a teapot with a

video camera.

You're short and stout.

So, you got that down.

Oh, if we could only get a clear

shot of a man's left nipple.

Oh, come on.

Oh, wait! There's one.

Oh, come on.

Yep.

It's a manual zoom, meaning use

your feet.

I have no way to defend

myself.

Get over there!

Oh, I can't.

That's crazy.

Q, just go in and get it.

Clear shot of a man's left

nipple.

Oh, come on.

Oh, wait! There's one.

Oh, come on.

Yep.

He's doing it.

Oh, my god.

He's getting the shot.

Q, get this guy's beans.

Which beans?

My testers.

Which testers?

Chick peas.

Your garbanzos?

Aah!

I'm just getting those beans.

Sorry.

He just called me lobster man.

Hey, q, there's a guy there

with huge headphones.

See him?

The guy staring at me like he

wants to kill me?

That's him.

Okay.

Let's get a shot of his left

earlobe.

I'm gonna have to lift the

headphones.

Got it. Good, good.

He's smart. You're so smart.

All right.

He's going in now.

You got go do it, man.

Oh, god. All right.

Hey, um...

Can I just...

Oh, yeah!

Yep. I got it. I got it.

I got it.

All right, man.

We're gonna get a little

cinematic.

Guys.

We're gonna want the inside

of a porta-potty.

We need 360 degrees... like,

door shut, inside of the

porta-potty.

It stinks from here.

You're complaining about

having just to stand in the

porta-potty?

I dug through twice.

No, you dug... yeah, you did

dig through twice.

I'm gonna throw up.

Oh, my god, it's

leaking.

I got no time for this.

What are you gonna do, Joe?

No, no, no, get away from me.

You're like a bad dog.

Get away from me.

You can't run.

Get away from me!

Oh, god!

Oh, no!

No, no, please don't do this.

Oh, my god.

What are you filming?

What does it look like?

Aah!

It's floating in water.

Oh, my god.

He's going in.

Aah!

Aah!

Sal's coming out to say hey.

We need you to film the

inside of the fountain.

Okay, of course.

Just go and get in there.

This is our version of

"waterworld."

Get the shot! Commit to it!

Yeah, there it is!

His once-a-year cleaning is