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Narrator: Coming up...
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Oh, no!
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Narrator: What's got q about
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to blow?
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Oh...
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Narrator: Why is sal filled
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with regret?
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I think I went too far.
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Narrator: And how will
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tonight's big loser be haunted
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by his past?
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Today, we're working the
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register at cross island fruits
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grocery store.
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But while we're working, we
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have to do or say whatever the
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other guys tell us to.
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If you refuse any of it, you
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lose.
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Got ya!
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$3.96.
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Sal, take out your phone.
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"Oh, so annoying!"
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Oh, so annoying.
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"My dad keeps sexting me at
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work."
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My dad keeps sexting me at
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work, you know?
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No, I don't.
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That's why I'm so confused.
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Thanks, guys.
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Are you open?
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"Lane 8's not opes."
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Uh... I'm not opes. Sorry.
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No?
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No.
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"Back opes."
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Back opes.
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Hey.
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Hey.
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"Sorry. Not opes."
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I have to still count this...
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I have the drawer, so I'm not
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opes right now.
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Sorry.
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It's okay.
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"Back opes."
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Back opes.
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"Not opes."
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Yeah...
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"No, it's not opes."
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Not opes.
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I'll be opes again soon.
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Can you, like, give me a
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heads up?
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I would, but just not opes
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right now.
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I'm sorry. Not opes.
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"Back opes."
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Lane 8 opes.
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Lane 8 open.
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All right, buddy, let her in.
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So, you got the avocado.
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Sal, keep hitting buttons on
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the thing.
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Just the one avocado?
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Yeah.
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Now just duck down.
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Yeah, reach up with one hand
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and just keep tapping the keys.
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Pop up, shut the light, say
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"not opes."
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Lane 8 not opes.
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Hi. How are you?
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Scan the little girl.
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Oh.
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Come here. I'm gonna scan you.
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Oh, my god!
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She's not going through here.
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I need a price check on a
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2-year-old.
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Hi. How you doing?
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These are the Concord grapes.
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Joe, the P.A. is broken, and
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you need a price check.
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I'm gonna need a price check
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on these.
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Price check, Concord grapes,
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Lane 8!
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Hmm.
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Yell for a price check.
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Price check, bruschettinis!
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You know, the only one that
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knows the price, I think, is the
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manager.
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Oh, yes.
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Wonder what his name is.
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You know what manager's on
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shift tonight?
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Who's the manager today?
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Larry.
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Larry!
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Larry!
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I don't know.
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I mean, the manager on duty...
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Larry, price check, Concord
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grapes, Lane 8!
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I think I'm deaf.
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I'm sorry.
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Unfortunately, the P.A. system
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is broken.
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Oh, damn it.
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Larry, bananas, Lane 8!
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I got the bruschettinis and the
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Concord grapes!
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I apologize.
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He's normally pretty fast.
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You heard me. I was calling him.
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Just go ahead.
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You know when you want to
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find somebody, you can't find
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them?
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Damn it. Asparagus.
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Larry, asparagi, Lane 8!
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Multiple asparagus... asparagi!
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I've been looking for this guy
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for about three years now.
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Butternut squash! Larry!
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Lawrence, I need a damn
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price check on 8!
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Go out and look for Larry.
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Let me just look for him
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right quick.
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Larry! Larry!
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Get him, get him, get him,
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get him!
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Larry!
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Price check on 8!
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Larry, I need a price check on
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8!
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There's asparagi!
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I'm looking for him.
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Asparagus!
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You know what?
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He's off on Thursdays.
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Found everything you needed?
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Yep.
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Great.
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Extra virgin olive oil.
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Did that virgin oil scam,
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murr?
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Mm-hmm.
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Oh, you should probably scan
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that oil again.
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Uh, I don't know if it
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scanned.
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I don't know. Scan it again.
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Keep scanning it.
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Keep scanning it.
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Scan it again.
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Again.
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It's just not going.
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It's not coming up.
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It's not coming up, bro.
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Keep scanning it.
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Keep scanning it.
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Just trying to get it to scan
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right.
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It sounds like a heartbeat.
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You sound like you're working in
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the E.R.
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This scanner sometimes gets
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stuck.
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But why isn't it scanning it?
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It's... it's... um, you know,
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the...
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sometimes, we have the olive
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oil.
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"Oh, there it is."
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Oh, wait, wait, wait.
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Okay, it went through that time.
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I got it.
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Okay, your total is $511.67.
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Those eggs are expensive, huh?
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Is it cash or credit, hon?
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It's credit, but you're not
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getting my card.
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How are you, sir?
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Cash or credit?
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"Hey, you know, frank from
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produce called me a taint
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kisser."
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You know, frank from produce
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called me a... Taint kisser.
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"I was gonna ask you."
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I was gonna ask you.
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Taint... t-a-i-n-t.
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He's looking it up.
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He's looking it up.
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And the genitals?
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Why would frank say that?
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"Ooh, you got a cute front."
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Oh, you have a cute front.
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Huh?
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You have a cute front.
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Thanks a lot.
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I got a big front.
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"Cute, though. But cute."
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But it's cute.
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You wear it well.
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Thank you very much.
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This guy's awesome.
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First time a guy told me
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that.
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"1976 called."
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1976 called.
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What'd they tell you?
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"They want their chest hair
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back."
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Oh.
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It's not so easy.
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What'd they tell you?
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That's it. They just called.
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"Hey, moustache."
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Hey, moustache. What's up?
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What's going on today?
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What? Are we getting some eggs?
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Oh, that's a polite
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moustache.
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That's a friendly moustache.
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Hey. How you doing, man?
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Good. How are you?
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Good, good.
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"Oh Barry!"
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Oh... barry!
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"We go to the same gyno."
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We go...
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We go to the same...
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Gynecologist.
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Don't I see you there?
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No?
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No.
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Oh, I'm sorry.
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I thought you were Barry.
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Hi.
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Hey. What's going on?
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Nothing.
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Q, wink and say, "say hello
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to your father for me."
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Say hello to your father for
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me.
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What?
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Do you know him?
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"I'm your father's special
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friend."
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I'm his... I'm his...
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Special friend.
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"Did you see him this
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morning?"
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Did you see him this morning?
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Yeah.
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"What was he wearing?"
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What was he wearing?
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A suit.
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That's so your dad.
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What do you got? A yam?
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Yeah. My mom forgot it.
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"If only she wasn't in the
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picture."
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Your mom, right?
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If only she wasn't in the
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picture.
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Hi. Hello.
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Hi.
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Oh, she got a bottle of diet
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soda.
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You guys know when you drop the
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mints into the soda?
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Do you know if that works?
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I bet you we're gonna find
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out.
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Q.
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Mm-hmm.
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There is a roll of mints
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under the register.
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Mm-hmm.
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Get them.
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Yeah.
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Open up her bottle of diet soda.
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Okay.
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Do me a favor.
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Just pop those mints into the
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diet soda.
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Oh, no!
295
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,721
What?!
296
00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:56,254
Oh, my god!
297
00:10:02,054 --> 00:10:03,853
Didn't you know it was gonna
298
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:04,454
happen?
299
00:10:04,455 --> 00:10:06,053
There's some things that
300
00:10:06,054 --> 00:10:07,920
they're just made for you to say
301
00:10:07,921 --> 00:10:08,288
no.
302
00:10:08,289 --> 00:10:09,954
Larry, clean-up, aisle 8.
303
00:10:10,788 --> 00:10:12,388
Clean-up, aisle 8.
304
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,420
Narrator: Murr couldn't bring
305
00:10:15,421 --> 00:10:16,753
up a win, so he's checking out
306
00:10:16,754 --> 00:10:20,553
the loser board.
307
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:21,953
You know what really annoys
308
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:22,221
me?
309
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,054
Long checkout lines.
310
00:10:30,188 --> 00:10:32,053
What the hell?
311
00:10:32,054 --> 00:10:34,321
What are you doing?
312
00:10:37,188 --> 00:10:38,188
Spit it out.
313
00:10:38,188 --> 00:10:38,821
No!
314
00:10:38,822 --> 00:10:40,921
You're struggling right now.
315
00:10:41,454 --> 00:10:42,553
We're back in the mall,
316
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:43,620
playing some sudden-death
317
00:10:43,621 --> 00:10:44,054
debate.
318
00:10:44,055 --> 00:10:45,220
We're going head-to-head,
319
00:10:45,221 --> 00:10:46,253
tournament style, getting
320
00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:47,453
strangers to settle our crazy
321
00:10:47,454 --> 00:10:47,954
debates.
322
00:10:47,955 --> 00:10:49,187
But the topic of the debate
323
00:10:49,188 --> 00:10:50,487
will be given to us by the other
324
00:10:50,488 --> 00:10:51,588
guys.
325
00:10:51,621 --> 00:10:53,287
We must get someone to agree
326
00:10:53,288 --> 00:10:54,920
with our stance, no matter how
327
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:55,888
ridic it may be.
328
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,387
If they don't agree, you
329
00:10:57,388 --> 00:11:00,620
lose.
330
00:11:00,621 --> 00:11:01,720
You and I are an interesting
331
00:11:01,721 --> 00:11:02,354
combination here.
332
00:11:02,354 --> 00:11:03,254
Two different styles,
333
00:11:03,254 --> 00:11:03,688
my friend.
334
00:11:03,688 --> 00:11:04,654
Totally different styles.
335
00:11:04,655 --> 00:11:05,887
You're like a blunt-force
336
00:11:05,888 --> 00:11:06,554
instrument.
337
00:11:06,555 --> 00:11:07,953
I'm like an object of finesse.
338
00:11:07,954 --> 00:11:09,087
You're a sledgehammer.
339
00:11:09,088 --> 00:11:09,621
I'm a violin.
340
00:11:09,622 --> 00:11:10,787
Sledgehammer's about to hit
341
00:11:10,788 --> 00:11:11,788
you in the face.
342
00:11:14,588 --> 00:11:15,421
Why don't we ask this guy and
343
00:11:15,421 --> 00:11:15,921
see his opinion?
344
00:11:15,921 --> 00:11:16,654
Can you settle a debate for
345
00:11:16,654 --> 00:11:16,921
us?
346
00:11:16,922 --> 00:11:18,287
Whatever you say goes.
347
00:11:18,288 --> 00:11:19,987
"I think I give a better
348
00:11:19,988 --> 00:11:21,620
impression of an ostrich."
349
00:11:21,621 --> 00:11:22,621
I think...
350
00:11:23,388 --> 00:11:25,153
I think that I give a better
351
00:11:25,154 --> 00:11:27,187
impression of an ostrich.
352
00:11:27,188 --> 00:11:27,821
An ostrich.
353
00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:29,120
Yeah, but, see, I think that
354
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:30,220
I do the better ostrich
355
00:11:30,221 --> 00:11:30,921
impersonation.
356
00:11:30,921 --> 00:11:31,654
You decide.
357
00:11:31,655 --> 00:11:32,920
All right, I'll go first, I
358
00:11:32,921 --> 00:11:33,354
guess.
359
00:11:33,354 --> 00:11:34,088
An ostrich.
360
00:11:34,089 --> 00:11:35,188
You tell us who's better.
361
00:11:38,888 --> 00:11:42,153
That's a flamingo.
362
00:11:42,154 --> 00:11:43,853
Okay, but hold on.
363
00:11:43,854 --> 00:11:45,788
How about this? Ready?
364
00:11:47,088 --> 00:11:48,753
Are you going into
365
00:11:48,754 --> 00:11:52,620
convulsions?
366
00:11:52,621 --> 00:11:54,087
It's the main choreography
367
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,088
from "thriller."
368
00:11:56,754 --> 00:11:58,088
Then, occasionally...
369
00:11:58,721 --> 00:11:59,354
You know?
370
00:11:59,355 --> 00:12:00,487
Can I just say?
371
00:12:00,488 --> 00:12:01,953
Sometimes, simplicity is the
372
00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:02,721
best, though.
373
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,287
What does everybody know about
374
00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:05,420
ostriches?
375
00:12:05,421 --> 00:12:06,721
Thank you.
376
00:12:06,754 --> 00:12:07,820
Dude, he's putting his head
377
00:12:07,821 --> 00:12:08,288
in the bag.
378
00:12:08,288 --> 00:12:09,121
Is that an impression?
379
00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:10,121
Watch this, though.
380
00:12:10,554 --> 00:12:11,787
This is what we are making
381
00:12:11,788 --> 00:12:13,087
these two guys do in the middle
382
00:12:13,088 --> 00:12:14,088
of a mall.
383
00:12:14,354 --> 00:12:15,520
It sounds like there's a
384
00:12:15,521 --> 00:12:16,787
chicken out here, but that's
385
00:12:16,788 --> 00:12:17,953
definitely not the sound an
386
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:18,754
ostrich makes.
387
00:12:18,755 --> 00:12:20,220
If we didn't tell you what bird
388
00:12:20,221 --> 00:12:21,221
we were doing...
389
00:12:21,821 --> 00:12:23,287
which one would you know was
390
00:12:23,288 --> 00:12:27,688
an ostrich right off the bat?
391
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:38,687
Q for the win.
392
00:12:38,688 --> 00:12:40,453
We're about to get historical
393
00:12:40,454 --> 00:12:41,421
on their asses.
394
00:12:41,422 --> 00:12:43,120
Sir, could you help settle a
395
00:12:43,121 --> 00:12:43,921
bet for us?
396
00:12:43,921 --> 00:12:44,821
We need a third party.
397
00:12:44,822 --> 00:12:45,853
"Which amendment is more
398
00:12:45,854 --> 00:12:46,421
important?"
399
00:12:46,422 --> 00:12:47,453
Which amendment is more
400
00:12:47,454 --> 00:12:47,954
important?
401
00:12:47,955 --> 00:12:48,987
Joe, you think the 25th
402
00:12:48,988 --> 00:12:50,087
amendment is more important.
403
00:12:50,088 --> 00:12:51,088
I think it's the 25th
404
00:12:51,088 --> 00:12:51,554
amendment.
405
00:12:51,555 --> 00:12:52,753
And, sal, you think it's the
406
00:12:52,754 --> 00:12:53,388
29th amendment.
407
00:12:53,388 --> 00:12:54,221
I mean, come on.
408
00:12:54,222 --> 00:12:55,453
I think it's the 29th amendment,
409
00:12:55,454 --> 00:12:55,988
hands down.
410
00:12:55,989 --> 00:12:58,487
There's only 27 amendments.
411
00:12:58,488 --> 00:13:00,353
Well, the 25th amendment is
412
00:13:00,354 --> 00:13:02,153
the one... the right to speak
413
00:13:02,154 --> 00:13:03,388
and bear your arms.
414
00:13:05,788 --> 00:13:06,721
That is the second.
415
00:13:06,722 --> 00:13:08,120
That is the second, but it's a
416
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,487
follow-up to that... to speak
417
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:11,220
with your arms.
418
00:13:11,221 --> 00:13:13,387
Oh, the 29th amendment?
419
00:13:13,388 --> 00:13:15,520
The right to bear claws.
420
00:13:15,521 --> 00:13:17,354
The right to bear claws.
421
00:13:17,388 --> 00:13:18,753
Congress got together and
422
00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:20,720
voted to allow bear claws.
423
00:13:20,721 --> 00:13:22,253
Before that, there was no
424
00:13:22,254 --> 00:13:23,953
hunting allowed, 'cause too many
425
00:13:23,954 --> 00:13:25,553
people were getting f'ed up by
426
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:26,088
bears.
427
00:13:26,089 --> 00:13:27,587
You wouldn't even be in this
428
00:13:27,588 --> 00:13:27,921
mall.
429
00:13:27,922 --> 00:13:29,087
There'd be bears all over the
430
00:13:29,088 --> 00:13:30,088
place.
431
00:13:30,121 --> 00:13:31,353
Basically, he's looking to
432
00:13:31,354 --> 00:13:32,254
want to hunt bears.
433
00:13:32,255 --> 00:13:33,453
I'm want to be able to speak
434
00:13:33,454 --> 00:13:34,121
with my arms.
435
00:13:34,122 --> 00:13:35,420
I'm from an Italian descent, so
436
00:13:35,421 --> 00:13:36,321
that's what we do a lot.
437
00:13:36,322 --> 00:13:37,453
It is cool, because it gives
438
00:13:37,454 --> 00:13:38,587
me the right to do that to him.
439
00:13:38,588 --> 00:13:39,388
He's got a point.
440
00:13:39,389 --> 00:13:40,453
But you ever make love on a
441
00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:41,688
bear rug?
442
00:13:44,921 --> 00:13:46,220
But imagine a world where I
443
00:13:46,221 --> 00:13:47,287
can't wave hello to you.
444
00:13:47,288 --> 00:13:48,687
Who the wants to live in
445
00:13:48,688 --> 00:13:49,688
that?
446
00:13:50,688 --> 00:13:52,087
You ever come in contact with
447
00:13:52,088 --> 00:13:53,320
a bear, they say to go, "aah!"
448
00:13:53,321 --> 00:13:54,553
See, if a bear was attacking
449
00:13:54,554 --> 00:13:55,887
you, you wouldn't have been able
450
00:13:55,888 --> 00:13:57,220
to do that without my amendment.
451
00:13:57,221 --> 00:13:58,520
You would just be sitting there
452
00:13:58,521 --> 00:13:59,601
getting mauled in the mall.
453
00:14:00,088 --> 00:14:01,088
When a bear comes up to you,
454
00:14:01,088 --> 00:14:02,088
your only defense is gonna be
455
00:14:02,089 --> 00:14:03,120
like, "listen, can we talk about
456
00:14:03,121 --> 00:14:05,121
this?"
457
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,353
Who do you think is correct?
458
00:14:07,354 --> 00:14:08,587
Which amendment is more
459
00:14:08,588 --> 00:14:09,221
important?
460
00:14:09,222 --> 00:14:10,687
'Cause I can't bear to not have
461
00:14:10,688 --> 00:14:12,854
you say the 29th amendment.
462
00:14:17,988 --> 00:14:19,087
Thank you so much.
463
00:14:19,088 --> 00:14:21,921
Both: Oh!
464
00:14:23,521 --> 00:14:24,454
Sal wins!
465
00:14:24,455 --> 00:14:26,487
Okay, guys, it comes to this.
466
00:14:26,488 --> 00:14:28,253
Whoever wins, wins the whole
467
00:14:28,254 --> 00:14:29,487
thing.
468
00:14:29,488 --> 00:14:30,188
I don't know, buddy.
469
00:14:30,188 --> 00:14:31,121
I don't know what you're talking
470
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:31,621
about right here.
471
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:32,554
Well, I just... it's hard for
472
00:14:32,554 --> 00:14:33,154
me to agree with you.
473
00:14:33,154 --> 00:14:33,721
Excuse me.
474
00:14:33,722 --> 00:14:34,787
Do you mind helping us out for
475
00:14:34,788 --> 00:14:35,254
one second?
476
00:14:35,254 --> 00:14:36,188
Can you try to settle a
477
00:14:36,188 --> 00:14:36,721
friendly bet?
478
00:14:36,721 --> 00:14:37,588
"We're just trying to
479
00:14:37,588 --> 00:14:38,088
decide..."
480
00:14:38,088 --> 00:14:38,854
We're just trying to
481
00:14:38,854 --> 00:14:39,254
decide...
482
00:14:39,255 --> 00:14:41,187
"who's the worst son."
483
00:14:41,188 --> 00:14:43,554
who's the worst son.
484
00:14:43,588 --> 00:14:45,887
Sal, you think it's you.
485
00:14:45,888 --> 00:14:47,520
I know that I am the worst
486
00:14:47,521 --> 00:14:47,888
son.
487
00:14:47,889 --> 00:14:49,587
And, q, you think you're the
488
00:14:49,588 --> 00:14:50,887
worst son in the world.
489
00:14:50,888 --> 00:14:52,987
I actually that I'm a worse
490
00:14:52,988 --> 00:14:54,087
son than him.
491
00:14:54,088 --> 00:14:55,620
Okay, hear me out.
492
00:14:55,621 --> 00:14:58,788
I...
493
00:14:59,354 --> 00:15:00,753
My favorite part about this
494
00:15:00,754 --> 00:15:01,787
is that sal and q pride
495
00:15:01,788 --> 00:15:03,120
themselves on being great sons.
496
00:15:03,121 --> 00:15:04,453
Yeah, they do.
497
00:15:04,454 --> 00:15:05,653
This is hard to do... to
498
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:06,720
admit you're a bad son,
499
00:15:06,721 --> 00:15:07,853
especially when you love your
500
00:15:07,854 --> 00:15:08,521
mother so much.
501
00:15:08,522 --> 00:15:11,987
So, okay, I have 37 voicemails
502
00:15:11,988 --> 00:15:13,887
on my phone from my mother.
503
00:15:13,888 --> 00:15:15,220
I don't answer any of them,
504
00:15:15,221 --> 00:15:15,621
okay?
505
00:15:15,622 --> 00:15:17,120
Because I just don't want to be
506
00:15:17,121 --> 00:15:18,121
bothered.
507
00:15:19,288 --> 00:15:21,620
My mother got remarried, and
508
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,520
the night of the wedding...
509
00:15:23,521 --> 00:15:25,388
I hit on her husband.
510
00:15:27,488 --> 00:15:28,354
Here's the thing.
511
00:15:28,355 --> 00:15:29,687
I'm gonna do an impression of my
512
00:15:29,688 --> 00:15:30,088
mother.
513
00:15:30,088 --> 00:15:30,721
Go ahead.
514
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:31,987
Okay?
515
00:15:31,988 --> 00:15:34,588
Raaah! Raaah! Raaah! Raaah!
516
00:15:35,888 --> 00:15:37,387
My mother needs to go to the
517
00:15:37,388 --> 00:15:39,087
doctor once a week, and I will
518
00:15:39,088 --> 00:15:40,687
not bring her to the doctor.
519
00:15:40,688 --> 00:15:42,187
Do you take her to the
520
00:15:42,188 --> 00:15:42,788
doctor?
521
00:15:42,789 --> 00:15:44,587
No. See, the thing is... my
522
00:15:44,588 --> 00:15:46,087
mother is parked on the parkway
523
00:15:46,088 --> 00:15:47,353
right now with her car broken
524
00:15:47,354 --> 00:15:47,754
down.
525
00:15:47,755 --> 00:15:49,187
I'm here shopping and buying new
526
00:15:49,188 --> 00:15:49,754
sneakers.
527
00:15:49,755 --> 00:15:51,087
Hold on. Check this out.
528
00:15:51,088 --> 00:15:51,954
What's he up to?
529
00:15:51,955 --> 00:15:54,354
What's he gonna do?
530
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,620
Hey, ma. What are you doing?
531
00:15:56,621 --> 00:15:58,488
I hate you, you bitch.
532
00:15:59,354 --> 00:16:00,753
You see what I'm saying?
533
00:16:00,754 --> 00:16:01,853
What did you do?
534
00:16:01,854 --> 00:16:02,921
You don't do that.
535
00:16:03,721 --> 00:16:05,387
I can't even... he can win.
536
00:16:05,388 --> 00:16:06,654
I got to call her back.
537
00:16:07,688 --> 00:16:09,287
I think I went too far.
538
00:16:09,288 --> 00:16:10,820
Ma, I'm so sorry.
539
00:16:10,821 --> 00:16:14,553
Ma, ma, that was just a joke.
540
00:16:14,554 --> 00:16:15,920
"Why did you say that to me?"
541
00:16:15,921 --> 00:16:16,654
I don't know.
542
00:16:16,655 --> 00:16:18,087
I got caught up in the middle of
543
00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:19,088
something and I used bad
544
00:16:19,089 --> 00:16:20,320
judgment, mom, and that's not
545
00:16:20,321 --> 00:16:21,387
how you taught me to be.
546
00:16:21,388 --> 00:16:22,587
And I'm really sorry.
547
00:16:22,588 --> 00:16:23,321
I love you.
548
00:16:23,322 --> 00:16:24,887
You can tell my mom I'm a good
549
00:16:24,888 --> 00:16:25,288
son.
550
00:16:25,289 --> 00:16:28,553
He seems like a good son.
551
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:30,753
All right. Oh, thank god.
552
00:16:30,754 --> 00:16:31,853
Thanks, ma.
553
00:16:31,854 --> 00:16:33,120
All right, I love you,
554
00:16:33,121 --> 00:16:34,121
you bitch.
555
00:16:34,588 --> 00:16:35,421
So, I win.
556
00:16:35,421 --> 00:16:36,088
Yeah.
557
00:16:36,089 --> 00:16:37,521
Yeah, I'm the worst son!
558
00:16:38,788 --> 00:16:40,353
Narrator: No need for debate
559
00:16:40,354 --> 00:16:40,788
here.
560
00:16:40,789 --> 00:16:42,220
Murr is tonight's big loser.
561
00:16:42,221 --> 00:16:43,620
Murr's our loser, and if
562
00:16:43,621 --> 00:16:45,187
there's one thing he loves, it's
563
00:16:45,188 --> 00:16:45,921
his computer.
564
00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:46,921
We're here at the
565
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,220
downtown conference center.
566
00:16:48,221 --> 00:16:49,653
So, for your punishment, buddy,
567
00:16:49,654 --> 00:16:51,087
you're going to be teaching a
568
00:16:51,088 --> 00:16:52,453
class on how to "optimize your
569
00:16:52,454 --> 00:16:52,988
computer."
570
00:16:52,989 --> 00:16:54,287
It'll appear to the students
571
00:16:54,288 --> 00:16:55,587
that you're in command, but, in
572
00:16:55,588 --> 00:16:56,653
reality, we are gonna be
573
00:16:56,654 --> 00:16:57,853
controlling your laptop from
574
00:16:57,854 --> 00:16:58,688
behind the scenes.
575
00:16:58,688 --> 00:16:59,688
And there it is.
576
00:17:00,288 --> 00:17:01,420
You'll have to explain
577
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,787
everything that pops up on your
578
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:03,254
screen.
579
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,354
Good luck, nerd herd.
580
00:17:04,988 --> 00:17:05,788
Hi, everyone.
581
00:17:05,788 --> 00:17:06,654
How are you today?
582
00:17:06,654 --> 00:17:07,188
Great.
583
00:17:07,189 --> 00:17:08,387
So, what I'm going to do
584
00:17:08,388 --> 00:17:09,787
today is teach you some tips and
585
00:17:09,788 --> 00:17:11,387
tricks on how to optimize your
586
00:17:11,388 --> 00:17:12,853
computer to the best of its
587
00:17:12,854 --> 00:17:13,454
ability.
588
00:17:13,455 --> 00:17:15,753
Let me plug in my computer, and
589
00:17:15,754 --> 00:17:17,387
we will get started.
590
00:17:17,388 --> 00:17:18,088
Okay.
591
00:17:18,089 --> 00:17:22,654
Oops.
592
00:17:24,788 --> 00:17:26,087
So, what I'm going to do
593
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,287
today is teach you some tips and
594
00:17:27,288 --> 00:17:27,721
away.
595
00:17:27,722 --> 00:17:29,320
Let's take a look at my recycle
596
00:17:29,321 --> 00:17:29,721
bin.
597
00:17:29,722 --> 00:17:31,320
Throw out what you do not need.
598
00:17:31,321 --> 00:17:33,887
For example...
599
00:17:33,888 --> 00:17:35,187
"Barely legal. Gif"
600
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,188
so, uh...
601
00:17:36,988 --> 00:17:38,687
I didn't need it anymore.
602
00:17:38,688 --> 00:17:39,888
I threw it away.
603
00:17:42,188 --> 00:17:43,653
"Gross Baltimore people.Jpg."
604
00:17:43,654 --> 00:17:45,120
Has anyone been to Baltimore?
605
00:17:45,121 --> 00:17:46,253
I'm from Baltimore.
606
00:17:46,254 --> 00:17:47,787
So you know what I'm talking
607
00:17:47,788 --> 00:17:48,788
about.
608
00:17:50,688 --> 00:17:51,554
All righty.
609
00:17:51,555 --> 00:17:52,988
Here you go, murr.
610
00:17:53,854 --> 00:17:55,120
Oh. Forgive me.
611
00:17:55,121 --> 00:17:59,121
I have a video call coming in.
612
00:18:00,154 --> 00:18:00,588
Oh.
613
00:18:00,589 --> 00:18:02,353
Oh, my god!
614
00:18:02,354 --> 00:18:03,088
Hey!
615
00:18:03,089 --> 00:18:04,920
Are we gonna do this or what?
616
00:18:04,921 --> 00:18:06,420
No, no, no, no, no.
617
00:18:06,421 --> 00:18:07,754
No, no, no, no, no.
618
00:18:17,088 --> 00:18:17,888
Oh, my god!
619
00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:19,153
I'm sorry about that.
620
00:18:19,154 --> 00:18:19,988
Oh, my god!
621
00:18:19,989 --> 00:18:21,220
They were some of my
622
00:18:21,221 --> 00:18:22,353
scuba-diving buddies.
623
00:18:22,354 --> 00:18:23,354
Oh, all right.
624
00:18:23,355 --> 00:18:24,753
We're planning a dive in
625
00:18:24,754 --> 00:18:25,654
about two weeks.
626
00:18:25,655 --> 00:18:27,553
We're heading down to curacao.
627
00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:29,121
Curacao.
628
00:18:30,088 --> 00:18:31,820
So, let's just move past
629
00:18:31,821 --> 00:18:32,188
that.
630
00:18:32,189 --> 00:18:33,587
Now, computers are great for so
631
00:18:33,588 --> 00:18:34,254
many things.
632
00:18:34,254 --> 00:18:35,154
For instance...
633
00:18:35,154 --> 00:18:35,854
Such as...
634
00:18:35,854 --> 00:18:36,754
For instance...
635
00:18:36,754 --> 00:18:37,688
Journal entries.
636
00:18:37,689 --> 00:18:38,720
Journal entires.
637
00:18:38,721 --> 00:18:39,654
Check this out.
638
00:18:39,655 --> 00:18:40,987
"So, look, like in my notes
639
00:18:40,988 --> 00:18:41,521
here..."
640
00:18:41,522 --> 00:18:42,753
So, let's go to my notes
641
00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:43,321
section.
642
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:44,887
Sometimes, you just want to hear
643
00:18:44,888 --> 00:18:46,220
what your journal entry is.
644
00:18:46,221 --> 00:18:49,953
Okay, go up to "start speaking."
645
00:18:49,954 --> 00:18:52,087
Followed Melanie successfully
646
00:18:52,088 --> 00:18:52,688
again.
647
00:18:52,689 --> 00:18:54,787
She was wearing my favorite pink
648
00:18:54,788 --> 00:18:55,588
sweater.
649
00:18:55,589 --> 00:18:57,220
Looked much cuter than
650
00:18:57,221 --> 00:18:58,121
yesterday.
651
00:18:58,122 --> 00:19:00,253
Sidenote... I may have gotten
652
00:19:00,254 --> 00:19:02,353
poison Ivy from hanging out in
653
00:19:02,354 --> 00:19:04,087
the bushes for so long.
654
00:19:04,088 --> 00:19:06,088
Make a doctor appointment.
655
00:19:07,088 --> 00:19:08,088
Spee...
656
00:19:08,988 --> 00:19:11,087
Text speech is a very useful
657
00:19:11,088 --> 00:19:12,088
tool.
658
00:19:12,421 --> 00:19:13,920
"Okay, so, I like making
659
00:19:13,921 --> 00:19:14,488
movies.
660
00:19:14,489 --> 00:19:15,520
Here's my latest.
661
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,620
Just take a look."
662
00:19:16,621 --> 00:19:18,587
Now, this is a very typical
663
00:19:18,588 --> 00:19:20,120
video-editing program.
664
00:19:20,121 --> 00:19:22,087
Let's take a look at my latest
665
00:19:22,088 --> 00:19:25,087
video.
666
00:19:25,088 --> 00:19:28,087
"Sleepy time: My first film."
667
00:19:28,088 --> 00:19:28,988
Oh, wow.
668
00:19:28,988 --> 00:19:29,954
Mom, dad.
669
00:19:29,954 --> 00:19:30,721
Uh-oh.
670
00:19:30,722 --> 00:19:33,253
That's footage from Murray's
671
00:19:33,254 --> 00:19:34,154
parents.
672
00:19:34,155 --> 00:19:35,487
This is a vhs tape that
673
00:19:35,488 --> 00:19:36,887
Murray had in his basement.
674
00:19:36,888 --> 00:19:37,888
Look, look.
675
00:19:42,954 --> 00:19:45,387
Happy making love to a
676
00:19:45,388 --> 00:19:46,988
stuffed animal.
677
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,421
Hello?
678
00:19:50,421 --> 00:19:51,720
Guys, not now.
679
00:19:51,721 --> 00:19:53,620
We'll talk about the diving
680
00:19:53,621 --> 00:19:54,921
later, okay?
681
00:19:54,954 --> 00:19:57,088
We're not diving.
682
00:19:58,554 --> 00:19:59,920
Not now.
683
00:19:59,921 --> 00:20:00,821
Call us.
684
00:20:00,822 --> 00:20:02,554
Just close out of that.
685
00:20:08,021 --> 00:20:09,587
I'm going to go scuba diving, if
686
00:20:09,588 --> 00:20:10,588
you will excuse me.
37694
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