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Narrator: Coming up...
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Oh, boy.
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Narrator: What's got sal on
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the run?
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Cannonball!
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Narrator: Why is Joe turning
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to a life of crime?
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I kidnapped the
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vice president.
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Narrator: And why does
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tonight's big loser have a
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breakdown?
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It is a bright day here at
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mountain creek waterpark in
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Vernon, New Jersey.
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So bright, we'll be wearing
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these sunglasses that have been
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completely blacked out on the
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inside so we can't see a single
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thing.
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The catch is, the other guys
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will be telling us where to go,
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what to say, and what to do.
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We'll have to blindly do what
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we're told and deal with the
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consequences.
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If you can't, you lose.
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Look.
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You can't see a single thing.
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There's a new, real danger
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doing it here versus in a park.
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Oh, yeah.
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You could drown.
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Ooh, the cold water's on my
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ankle.
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It feels good.
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I want to go in that pool so
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bad.
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All right, q, you want to put
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them glasses on?
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I've been practicing at home.
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Walking around with your eyes
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closed?
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That's right.
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Okay, q, take about three
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steps forward, turn right, and
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sit down Indian-style.
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One, two, three.
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Little more to your left,
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by two inches.
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Keep scooching to the left.
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Keep going.
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Scooch!
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Keep going! Keep going!
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Now the dad got up!
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Keep scooching to your left.
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Scooch to your left.
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Scooch to your left.
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Turn to your left.
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Say, "hey, Donald, how was your
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root canal?"
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Hey, Donald, how was that
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root canal?
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Now take them off!
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Take them off!
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No! You're not a Donald at all!
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Oh, hey! What's going on?!
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You guys were just enjoying
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yourselves, and then I came over
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here and called you Donald.
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All right, buddy.
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Walk straight.
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Keep walking straight, a
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couple steps.
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Stop.
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Stop.
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Stop.
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Turn to your left.
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Okay, hold on.
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Walk straight.
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Just take, like, 10 steps
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forward.
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Okay, okay.
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All right, guys.
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I know there's a pool in front
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of me.
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I can smell it.
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I can hear people playing.
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I don't know what you're
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talking about.
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I said just take about
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10 steps forward.
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Yeah, I'm not going into the
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pool, guys.
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I'll take the loss.
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I know that you don't want to
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go in the pool.
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I know that you don't want to go
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in the pool.
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Trust me.
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You are near the pool, but you
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can take a couple of steps.
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Guys, I will take the loss.
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Just 10 steps forward.
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You're fine.
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Just take one more baby step
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near the pool.
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Yes!
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You still gonna take that
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loss?
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All right. Ready, murr?
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Oh, my god.
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Oh, my god!
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I forgot how dark it is.
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Turn right.
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I hear splashing all around
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me.
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Well, you know that you're
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near a pool, right, buddy?
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You're near a gigantic,
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gigantic, triple olympic-size
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swimming pool.
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That's the splashing, buddy.
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Now I'm in water.
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Same thing.
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That's the same pool.
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I know. I know,
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make a right, make a right,
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make a right.
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Go forward.
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You, you.
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Point... you, you.
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You, you, you.
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You, you.
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You, you, you, you.
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What's up?
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I am not leaving here till I
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have a tan like yours.
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I am not leaving here until I
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have a tan like yours.
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Take those glasses off.
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Oh! Oh!
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Wow.
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Wow. That was... That was...
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Ridiculous.
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Oh, my god.
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Wow.
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Go straight.
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Straight.
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Straight, straight, left,
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left.
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Left, left, left, left, left,
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straight, straight, straight,
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straight, left, left, straight.
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Speed up, speed up, speed up!
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Right, right, right, right.
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Take your glasses off.
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Gotcha!
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Gotcha.
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Enjoy the day.
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It's a beautiful day.
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Oh, man.
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Murray, you're a little
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fair-skinned.
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I'm worried about you out there.
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You're getting sunburnt.
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Go straight there.
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Make a right.
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Okay, now stop.
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There's a bottle there on the
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lifeguard stand there, and
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there's sunblock.
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Grab that bottle.
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Good, murr.
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Now get some of that sunscreen
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on your arms, buddy.
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There you go.
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Nice!
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There you go, nice and deep.
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This is mustard,
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isn't it?
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You
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oh, my god!
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You idiots.
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Murr, we want you to get that
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golden tan.
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This is gross!
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I hate mustard!
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Goodbye, vision.
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All right, Joe.
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Turn to your left.
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Now walk straight.
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Walk right and say, "hey."
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Hey, hey.
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I thought I told you to stay
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off my turf!
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I thought I told you to stay
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off my turf!
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Yeah, you. Yeah, you.
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Yeah, you.
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You, you.
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Now take the glasses off.
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Oh, no.
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No, you can go swim.
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You can enjoy.
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No, go ahead, buddy.
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Walk straight.
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There you go.
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Straight a little bit more, a
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little bit more.
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Take a step forward.
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There you go.
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You feel the towel?
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There you go, buddy.
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Just dry your face with it, real
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quick.
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Go ahead. Dry your face.
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Now take the sunglasses off.
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Take them off.
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Oh, my god!
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That's your towel.
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I thought this was mine.
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You idiots.
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Walk straight.
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This way?
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Yep, yep.
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You'll feel there's a fence
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coming.
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Don't walk into it.
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I put a shirt out there for you.
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Go to the right.
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No, a little bit more.
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There, that's it.
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That's your shirt.
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Whose shirt is this?
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Well, it's yours now.
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Put it on.
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These better not be fake
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boobs.
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All right, buddy.
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All right, now make a right.
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Hard right... there you go.
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Go straight.
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Keep going.
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Keep going a little bit.
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Stop. Stop. Stop.
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Point up a little bit.
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Hey...
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Hey...
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you've been sitting on
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your ass all day.
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You've been sitting on
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your ass all day.
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I'm about to make you earn
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your money.
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I'm about to make you earn
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your money.
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Run into the water as fast as
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you can.
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Start yelling, "help."
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Start yelling, "help."
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Help! Help!
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Help!
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Turn around, 180 degrees.
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Wave your hands over your
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head.
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Now start yelling, "what's
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your problem, dude?"
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What's your problem, dude?
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Earn your money.
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Earn that money!
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Earn that money!
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All right, now take off your
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glasses.
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Read your shirt.
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Here we go, sal.
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Left.
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Okay, now straight.
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Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop.
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Okay, now kneel down real low.
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Get real low to the ground.
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Lean forward more... more
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forward.
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Say, "excuse me.
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Do you need mouth-to-mouth?"
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Excuse me.
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Do you need mouth-to-mouth?
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What?
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Oh, my god!
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Take the glasses off!
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She was sleeping!
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We're very close to each
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other's face.
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Yeah.
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It looked like you were in
296
00:06:55,254 --> 00:06:56,820
trouble and you were passed out.
297
00:06:56,821 --> 00:06:58,287
I just wanted to make sure you
298
00:06:58,288 --> 00:06:58,888
were okay.
299
00:06:58,889 --> 00:07:00,387
Oh, no, I'm just relaxing.
300
00:07:00,388 --> 00:07:01,887
You look like you were passed
301
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:02,288
out.
302
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:02,688
No.
303
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:03,953
I mean, I don't know if people
304
00:07:03,954 --> 00:07:05,120
who pass out move their feet
305
00:07:05,121 --> 00:07:05,654
like this.
306
00:07:05,655 --> 00:07:06,920
I didn't see you moving the
307
00:07:06,921 --> 00:07:07,288
feet.
308
00:07:07,288 --> 00:07:08,288
That's why.
309
00:07:09,321 --> 00:07:11,088
Be careful.
310
00:07:15,121 --> 00:07:17,287
Turn to your left 90 degrees.
311
00:07:17,288 --> 00:07:19,920
Now go straight.
312
00:07:19,921 --> 00:07:21,387
To your right a little bit.
313
00:07:21,388 --> 00:07:23,120
To your right, to your right.
314
00:07:23,121 --> 00:07:24,753
Now, sal, now I'm gonna want
315
00:07:24,754 --> 00:07:26,387
you to lean down and reach your
316
00:07:26,388 --> 00:07:28,087
hand out until you feel fabric,
317
00:07:28,088 --> 00:07:29,687
and then start tugging downward.
318
00:07:29,688 --> 00:07:30,088
No.
319
00:07:30,688 --> 00:07:31,753
What do you mean, "no"?
320
00:07:31,754 --> 00:07:32,820
What do you mean, "no"?
321
00:07:32,821 --> 00:07:34,087
Just a light tug, just a little
322
00:07:34,088 --> 00:07:34,388
tug.
323
00:07:34,389 --> 00:07:35,620
Come on. Don't be an
324
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:36,653
there's just a piece of
325
00:07:36,654 --> 00:07:37,321
fabric hanging.
326
00:07:37,322 --> 00:07:38,420
You want me to pull down
327
00:07:38,421 --> 00:07:39,388
someone's bathing suit.
328
00:07:39,388 --> 00:07:40,254
I ain't gonna do it.
329
00:07:40,254 --> 00:07:40,888
No, no, no!
330
00:07:40,888 --> 00:07:41,821
We wouldn't do that.
331
00:07:41,822 --> 00:07:43,553
Reach forward. Reach out.
332
00:07:43,554 --> 00:07:45,853
Now tug.
333
00:07:45,854 --> 00:07:46,920
Keep tugging.
334
00:07:46,921 --> 00:07:48,287
Keep tugging downward.
335
00:07:48,288 --> 00:07:49,687
Tug with all your might.
336
00:07:49,688 --> 00:07:51,453
I already know what's going
337
00:07:51,454 --> 00:07:53,087
on here, and I'm very sorry
338
00:07:53,088 --> 00:07:53,721
about it.
339
00:07:53,722 --> 00:07:55,088
Sorry.
340
00:07:55,521 --> 00:07:56,454
I'm gonna get killed.
341
00:07:56,455 --> 00:07:57,653
I'm about to get killed right
342
00:07:57,654 --> 00:07:58,654
now.
343
00:07:58,688 --> 00:08:00,253
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
344
00:08:00,254 --> 00:08:00,954
Don't hit me.
345
00:08:00,955 --> 00:08:03,087
Now take your glasses off.
346
00:08:03,088 --> 00:08:05,087
Yeah, that's right, yeah.
347
00:08:05,088 --> 00:08:06,520
Thank you for not slaughtering
348
00:08:06,521 --> 00:08:07,521
my face.
349
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,453
Sorry about that.
350
00:08:09,454 --> 00:08:11,387
Run and do a cannonball.
351
00:08:11,388 --> 00:08:12,088
No, guys.
352
00:08:12,088 --> 00:08:13,088
But you got to yell,
353
00:08:13,088 --> 00:08:13,754
"cannonball."
354
00:08:13,755 --> 00:08:15,453
Run and yell, "cannonball."
355
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:16,454
Run and yell, "cannonball."
356
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:17,421
Guys, I don't want to hit
357
00:08:17,421 --> 00:08:18,154
into anybody, guys.
358
00:08:18,154 --> 00:08:18,988
We'll tell you when to
359
00:08:18,988 --> 00:08:19,421
cannonball.
360
00:08:19,422 --> 00:08:20,587
Ready?
361
00:08:20,588 --> 00:08:22,820
One, two, three.
362
00:08:22,821 --> 00:08:23,921
Run!
363
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,253
Cannonball!
364
00:08:27,254 --> 00:08:27,754
Stop!
365
00:08:27,755 --> 00:08:29,553
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
366
00:08:29,554 --> 00:08:31,287
All right, now turn around and
367
00:08:31,288 --> 00:08:34,087
go back.
368
00:08:34,088 --> 00:08:34,688
Run!
369
00:08:34,689 --> 00:08:35,820
"Cannonball."
370
00:08:35,821 --> 00:08:37,587
Cannonball!
371
00:08:37,588 --> 00:08:39,688
Stop, stop.
372
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:42,188
All right, turn around.
373
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:42,954
Now run.
374
00:08:42,954 --> 00:08:43,854
"Cannonball."
375
00:08:43,854 --> 00:08:44,254
I...
376
00:08:44,721 --> 00:08:46,187
Go!
377
00:08:46,188 --> 00:08:47,687
Cannonball!
378
00:08:47,688 --> 00:08:50,187
Stop. Stop!
379
00:08:50,188 --> 00:08:52,087
Take your glasses off.
380
00:08:52,088 --> 00:08:53,254
I'm sorry.
381
00:08:55,521 --> 00:08:57,353
He doesn't even do anything.
382
00:08:57,354 --> 00:08:58,853
He just says, "I'm sorry."
383
00:08:58,854 --> 00:08:59,654
I'm done.
384
00:08:59,655 --> 00:09:00,853
See you guys later.
385
00:09:00,854 --> 00:09:02,253
What? You're giving up?
386
00:09:02,254 --> 00:09:02,888
Later.
387
00:09:02,888 --> 00:09:03,788
You're done?
388
00:09:03,789 --> 00:09:05,187
The glasses have left the
389
00:09:05,188 --> 00:09:05,921
water park!
390
00:09:05,922 --> 00:09:07,220
I'm not going back.
391
00:09:07,221 --> 00:09:08,221
That's a loss.
392
00:09:08,988 --> 00:09:10,687
Narrator: So far, q and sal
393
00:09:10,688 --> 00:09:12,153
are treading water on the
394
00:09:12,154 --> 00:09:14,953
loser board.
395
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:16,487
Thesis... pools are gross.
396
00:09:16,488 --> 00:09:17,088
Discuss.
397
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:18,453
A couple years ago, my
398
00:09:18,454 --> 00:09:20,087
friend dared me to swim in his
399
00:09:20,088 --> 00:09:21,687
pool in the winter... green and
400
00:09:21,688 --> 00:09:22,254
swampy.
401
00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:23,887
Two laps for 600 bucks... I was
402
00:09:23,888 --> 00:09:25,220
allowed to use a condom.
403
00:09:25,221 --> 00:09:26,287
I put a condom on.
404
00:09:26,288 --> 00:09:27,753
I love how you just have to
405
00:09:27,754 --> 00:09:28,754
protect that part.
406
00:09:28,755 --> 00:09:30,220
You don't know what's gonna
407
00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:31,088
swim up there.
408
00:09:31,089 --> 00:09:32,553
You realize you have nose,
409
00:09:32,554 --> 00:09:33,554
eyes, ears, mouth?
410
00:09:35,321 --> 00:09:36,553
Today, Joe and q are going
411
00:09:36,554 --> 00:09:37,920
head-to-head as authors, trying
412
00:09:37,921 --> 00:09:39,187
to get their books published.
413
00:09:39,188 --> 00:09:40,387
Their goal is to convince a
414
00:09:40,388 --> 00:09:41,553
group of literary enthusiasts
415
00:09:41,554 --> 00:09:42,687
that their book is the best.
416
00:09:42,688 --> 00:09:43,920
Joe and I have no idea what
417
00:09:43,921 --> 00:09:45,153
the books are because they were
418
00:09:45,154 --> 00:09:46,420
created by sal and murr.
419
00:09:46,421 --> 00:09:47,388
At the end, they'll ask the
420
00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:48,321
group to vote for which book
421
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,321
they think should be published.
422
00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:50,321
Whoever gets the fewest hands
423
00:09:50,322 --> 00:09:51,753
raised loses.
424
00:09:51,754 --> 00:09:53,887
You're going downtown.
425
00:09:53,888 --> 00:09:54,521
Ow.
426
00:09:54,522 --> 00:09:55,720
Oh, your ring!
427
00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,454
Narrator: It's Joe and q in a
428
00:09:57,488 --> 00:10:00,053
joker vs. Joker challenge.
429
00:10:00,054 --> 00:10:01,087
What did you do? Llenge.
430
00:10:01,088 --> 00:10:02,320
I don't even know what
431
00:10:02,321 --> 00:10:02,954
happened to me today?
432
00:10:02,955 --> 00:10:04,420
Joe, you could have took an
433
00:10:04,421 --> 00:10:05,421
iron to that thing.
434
00:10:05,422 --> 00:10:06,953
You look like an old turtle.
435
00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:08,387
Q looks way better than me.
436
00:10:08,388 --> 00:10:09,487
It's unbelievable.
437
00:10:09,488 --> 00:10:10,254
It feels good to be on this
438
00:10:10,255 --> 00:10:11,754
side of the equation.
439
00:10:11,788 --> 00:10:12,388
Hi, guys.
440
00:10:12,388 --> 00:10:13,288
Hello! Hi!
441
00:10:13,289 --> 00:10:15,020
We're presenting our book to
442
00:10:15,021 --> 00:10:15,621
groups.
443
00:10:15,622 --> 00:10:17,320
And at the end, we're gonna
444
00:10:17,321 --> 00:10:19,153
take a vote out of which one you
445
00:10:19,154 --> 00:10:20,720
think should get published.
446
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:21,354
Okay?
447
00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:22,720
So, my book here is...
448
00:10:22,721 --> 00:10:23,721
It's, uh...
449
00:10:24,354 --> 00:10:25,820
"Joey turncoat... how I
450
00:10:25,821 --> 00:10:27,453
disgraced my country during
451
00:10:27,454 --> 00:10:28,454
battle."
452
00:10:29,088 --> 00:10:30,720
A memoir of sorts by me,
453
00:10:30,721 --> 00:10:31,488
Joe gatto.
454
00:10:31,489 --> 00:10:33,387
Why do you have a black suit
455
00:10:33,388 --> 00:10:33,821
on?
456
00:10:33,822 --> 00:10:35,153
I didn't want to wear the
457
00:10:35,154 --> 00:10:35,688
uniform.
458
00:10:35,689 --> 00:10:37,120
Well, they took it from you,
459
00:10:37,121 --> 00:10:37,588
right?
460
00:10:37,589 --> 00:10:38,787
Well, that, too, yeah.
461
00:10:38,788 --> 00:10:40,253
Right.
462
00:10:40,254 --> 00:10:42,320
You can show them yours.
463
00:10:42,321 --> 00:10:43,254
Okay.
464
00:10:43,255 --> 00:10:44,620
Mine is, uh...
465
00:10:44,621 --> 00:10:46,653
It's a comic book called
466
00:10:46,654 --> 00:10:49,653
"swamp ass thing."
467
00:10:49,654 --> 00:10:50,920
Since q loves comics so
468
00:10:50,921 --> 00:10:51,388
much...
469
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:52,853
We gave him a fresh take on
470
00:10:52,854 --> 00:10:53,521
an original.
471
00:10:53,522 --> 00:10:54,554
Well, fresh take?
472
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:58,353
It's about a scientist
473
00:10:58,354 --> 00:11:00,920
afflicted with hellish swamp
474
00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:04,153
ass, which, as, you know, is...
475
00:11:04,154 --> 00:11:04,754
Right.
476
00:11:04,755 --> 00:11:06,453
It's a sweaty badonkadonk.
477
00:11:06,454 --> 00:11:08,987
Sweaty
478
00:11:08,988 --> 00:11:10,320
badonkadonk!
479
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:12,820
Mine's more a story of truth.
480
00:11:12,821 --> 00:11:14,387
You know, I was in, like, the
481
00:11:14,388 --> 00:11:15,753
whole afghanistani area.
482
00:11:15,754 --> 00:11:16,787
"Afghanistani"?
483
00:11:16,788 --> 00:11:18,320
And I did a short tour in
484
00:11:18,321 --> 00:11:19,088
Costa Rica.
485
00:11:19,089 --> 00:11:20,553
It's a little island in the
486
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:22,120
middle of the Caribbean, but,
487
00:11:22,121 --> 00:11:23,088
you never know.
488
00:11:23,089 --> 00:11:24,720
Costa Rica is not an island.
489
00:11:24,721 --> 00:11:26,620
You weren't there, man.
490
00:11:26,621 --> 00:11:28,620
It was disgrace all over the
491
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,687
map, from tales of kidnapping
492
00:11:30,688 --> 00:11:32,320
children to get out of
493
00:11:32,321 --> 00:11:34,587
interrogations to "accidentally"
494
00:11:34,588 --> 00:11:37,787
shooting a sergeant in the foot.
495
00:11:37,788 --> 00:11:39,187
To get out of a tight pinch,
496
00:11:39,188 --> 00:11:40,453
I'll trade a secret in a
497
00:11:40,454 --> 00:11:41,121
heartbeat.
498
00:11:41,122 --> 00:11:42,853
Tell me more about
499
00:11:42,854 --> 00:11:44,587
"swamp ass thing."
500
00:11:44,588 --> 00:11:46,287
One night he was working in
501
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:47,953
his lab, and lightning hit the
502
00:11:47,954 --> 00:11:49,520
lab, and he fell into a vat
503
00:11:49,521 --> 00:11:51,387
of...
504
00:11:51,388 --> 00:11:53,353
Ass deodorant.
505
00:11:53,354 --> 00:11:55,620
Ass deodorant?
506
00:11:55,621 --> 00:11:58,287
And he emerged...
507
00:11:58,288 --> 00:12:00,387
Swamp ass thing... that's right.
508
00:12:00,388 --> 00:12:02,153
She's on board with it.
509
00:12:02,154 --> 00:12:03,253
You got her.
510
00:12:03,254 --> 00:12:05,087
He uses his new powers to
511
00:12:05,088 --> 00:12:07,121
freshen up people's asses.
512
00:12:09,654 --> 00:12:11,853
Well, he walks over to someone
513
00:12:11,854 --> 00:12:12,920
and, like...
514
00:12:12,921 --> 00:12:13,688
Phttt!
515
00:12:13,688 --> 00:12:14,688
Oh, no!
516
00:12:14,689 --> 00:12:16,220
Swamp ass gone.
517
00:12:16,221 --> 00:12:18,687
And then, also, he fights crime.
518
00:12:18,688 --> 00:12:19,688
Secondary.
519
00:12:21,688 --> 00:12:24,087
Oh, anybody with swamp ass.
520
00:12:24,088 --> 00:12:25,153
You've had it before?
521
00:12:25,154 --> 00:12:26,653
Let me ask you something.
522
00:12:26,654 --> 00:12:28,420
How great would it have been if
523
00:12:28,421 --> 00:12:30,120
somebody had swamp-ass scents,
524
00:12:30,121 --> 00:12:31,587
swooped right in, phttt!
525
00:12:31,588 --> 00:12:32,620
I kidnapped the
526
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:37,853
vice president.
527
00:12:37,854 --> 00:12:40,853
I'm a disgraciad'.
528
00:12:40,854 --> 00:12:42,087
If you feel they should
529
00:12:42,088 --> 00:12:43,420
publish the ongoing adventures
530
00:12:43,421 --> 00:12:44,653
of "swamp ass thing," please
531
00:12:44,654 --> 00:12:45,621
raise your hand now.
532
00:12:45,622 --> 00:12:46,720
One, two, three!
533
00:12:46,721 --> 00:12:48,220
If you think the company
534
00:12:48,221 --> 00:12:49,853
should publish my book, please
535
00:12:49,854 --> 00:12:50,821
raise your hand.
536
00:12:50,822 --> 00:12:52,153
Oh! Five!
537
00:12:52,154 --> 00:12:53,321
Q goes down.
538
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:56,087
Narrator: Looks like q is the
539
00:12:56,088 --> 00:12:59,753
disgraciad' on the loser board.
540
00:12:59,754 --> 00:13:00,820
How many comics you think
541
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:01,821
you've read at this point?
542
00:13:01,821 --> 00:13:02,721
Thousands.
543
00:13:02,722 --> 00:13:04,420
How many trees you think
544
00:13:04,421 --> 00:13:05,421
you've planted?
545
00:13:05,421 --> 00:13:05,888
Three.
546
00:13:05,889 --> 00:13:06,920
How many lives you think
547
00:13:06,921 --> 00:13:07,521
you've saved?
548
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:08,121
Seven.
549
00:13:08,122 --> 00:13:09,553
How many people you think
550
00:13:09,554 --> 00:13:10,354
you've loved?
551
00:13:10,355 --> 00:13:11,553
Really?
552
00:13:11,554 --> 00:13:12,554
Yeah.
553
00:13:12,554 --> 00:13:13,554
One.
554
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:17,987
Today, we're sitting next to
555
00:13:17,988 --> 00:13:19,187
strangers in Times Square and
556
00:13:19,188 --> 00:13:20,353
asking them to save our seat.
557
00:13:20,354 --> 00:13:21,487
But the bizarre reason we
558
00:13:21,488 --> 00:13:22,587
need the seat saved will be
559
00:13:22,588 --> 00:13:23,820
given to us by the other guys.
560
00:13:23,821 --> 00:13:25,120
After we leave, another joker
561
00:13:25,121 --> 00:13:26,320
will try to take that seat and
562
00:13:26,321 --> 00:13:27,754
ask where the last guy went.
563
00:13:27,788 --> 00:13:28,721
If the stranger doesn't
564
00:13:28,722 --> 00:13:29,787
repeat the reason that you gave
565
00:13:29,788 --> 00:13:32,220
to save the seat, you lose.
566
00:13:32,221 --> 00:13:34,354
Bam!
567
00:13:36,988 --> 00:13:38,087
Yeah, but you know what?
568
00:13:38,088 --> 00:13:39,220
I got to run for one second.
569
00:13:39,221 --> 00:13:40,420
Would you mind just keeping an
570
00:13:40,421 --> 00:13:41,687
eye on this seat for one second?
571
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:42,521
If I don't watch
572
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,720
Patrick Swayze in "road house"
573
00:13:43,721 --> 00:13:44,841
twice a day, I'm not myself.
574
00:13:46,421 --> 00:13:47,620
See, I'll be right back.
575
00:13:47,621 --> 00:13:48,920
I got to go watch "road house"
576
00:13:48,921 --> 00:13:49,821
with Patrick Swayze.
577
00:13:49,822 --> 00:13:51,153
If I don't watch Patrick Swayze
578
00:13:51,154 --> 00:13:52,487
in "road house" at least twice a
579
00:13:52,488 --> 00:13:53,488
day, I'm not myself.
580
00:13:53,521 --> 00:13:54,288
You know what I mean?
581
00:13:54,289 --> 00:13:56,287
I'll be right back.
582
00:13:56,288 --> 00:13:57,553
Twice a day, "road house."
583
00:13:57,554 --> 00:13:58,653
Just not yourself.
584
00:13:58,654 --> 00:14:00,287
People like talking about the
585
00:14:00,288 --> 00:14:01,487
beloved Patrick Swayze.
586
00:14:01,488 --> 00:14:02,354
Excuse me.
587
00:14:02,355 --> 00:14:03,487
Is this seat taken?
588
00:14:03,488 --> 00:14:04,520
Oh, it is?
589
00:14:04,521 --> 00:14:05,521
Oh, okay.
590
00:14:05,522 --> 00:14:07,254
By?
591
00:14:09,721 --> 00:14:11,153
He's going to watch
592
00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:12,253
"road house"?
593
00:14:12,254 --> 00:14:15,088
Did he say why?
594
00:14:20,988 --> 00:14:22,553
How long is "road house"?
595
00:14:22,554 --> 00:14:24,320
So, you're watching the seat for
596
00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,788
two hours while he watches
597
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:26,688
"road house"?
598
00:14:26,689 --> 00:14:29,520
Yes, I love that guy!
599
00:14:29,521 --> 00:14:31,087
All right, well, you know,
600
00:14:31,088 --> 00:14:32,487
I'm more of a "dirty dancing"
601
00:14:32,488 --> 00:14:34,087
guy myself, but I guess it's my
602
00:14:34,088 --> 00:14:35,154
way or the highway.
603
00:14:38,354 --> 00:14:39,687
Can I ask you a favor?
604
00:14:39,688 --> 00:14:41,220
I have to run for one second.
605
00:14:41,221 --> 00:14:42,720
Do you mind watching my seat?
606
00:14:42,721 --> 00:14:43,787
I've been trying to find a seat.
607
00:14:43,788 --> 00:14:44,788
He's working that old Murray
608
00:14:44,788 --> 00:14:45,121
charm.
609
00:14:45,121 --> 00:14:45,821
What do you mean?
610
00:14:45,821 --> 00:14:46,821
He gave them a roofie?
611
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:48,121
I have to go run real quick.
612
00:14:48,122 --> 00:14:49,153
I have to...
613
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:49,854
I have to go milk my
614
00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:52,154
grandfather.
615
00:14:57,288 --> 00:14:58,920
I got to go milk my grandfather
616
00:14:58,921 --> 00:14:59,654
real quick.
617
00:14:59,655 --> 00:15:01,953
He's a cow.
618
00:15:01,954 --> 00:15:03,087
Yeah, he's just a block away.
619
00:15:03,088 --> 00:15:03,888
I'll be right back.
620
00:15:03,889 --> 00:15:05,454
Give me one second.
621
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:09,887
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!
622
00:15:09,888 --> 00:15:10,821
Excuse me. Kay, okay, okay!
623
00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:12,153
Is this seat taken?
624
00:15:12,154 --> 00:15:13,754
Oh, it is?
625
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:14,621
It doesn't matter, really,
626
00:15:14,621 --> 00:15:15,154
about the seat.
627
00:15:15,154 --> 00:15:16,088
It maters about if she says back
628
00:15:16,088 --> 00:15:17,088
to you where he went.
629
00:15:20,088 --> 00:15:21,120
He went to go milk his
630
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:21,688
grandfather?
631
00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:22,887
I'm not gonna argue with that.
632
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:23,953
Could I ask you a favor?
633
00:15:23,954 --> 00:15:25,087
I have to run for a second.
634
00:15:25,088 --> 00:15:26,120
Do you mind just watching my
635
00:15:26,121 --> 00:15:28,887
chair for a second?
636
00:15:28,888 --> 00:15:29,621
Okay, as long as you could, I
637
00:15:29,621 --> 00:15:30,188
appreciate it.
638
00:15:30,188 --> 00:15:30,954
I have to...
639
00:15:30,955 --> 00:15:32,653
My aunt got her left breast
640
00:15:32,654 --> 00:15:34,187
caught in the pool filter.
641
00:15:34,188 --> 00:15:35,553
My aunt got her left breast
642
00:15:35,554 --> 00:15:36,820
caught in the pool filter.
643
00:15:36,821 --> 00:15:38,120
So, I got to go check on her
644
00:15:38,121 --> 00:15:38,721
real quick.
645
00:15:38,722 --> 00:15:39,787
The right one's free, but the
646
00:15:39,788 --> 00:15:40,853
left one got sucked right in.
647
00:15:40,854 --> 00:15:42,087
You know how strong those genies
648
00:15:42,088 --> 00:15:42,521
are, right?
649
00:15:42,522 --> 00:15:44,553
Just sucks it right in.
650
00:15:44,554 --> 00:15:45,254
Only a block away.
651
00:15:45,255 --> 00:15:46,320
So, I just want to make sure
652
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:46,988
that she's fine.
653
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:47,688
I'll be right back.
654
00:15:47,688 --> 00:15:48,388
I appreciate it.
655
00:15:48,388 --> 00:15:49,154
I'll be right back.
656
00:15:49,155 --> 00:15:50,353
I wouldn't want to sit around
657
00:15:50,354 --> 00:15:51,420
a pool with a breast floating
658
00:15:51,421 --> 00:15:51,821
around.
659
00:15:51,821 --> 00:15:52,621
I think I got him.
660
00:15:52,621 --> 00:15:53,321
I think I got him.
661
00:15:53,321 --> 00:15:53,921
Let's see.
662
00:15:53,922 --> 00:15:55,987
Is this seat taken?
663
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:58,287
Oh, okay, thanks.
664
00:15:58,288 --> 00:16:02,120
What the hell, man?!
665
00:16:02,121 --> 00:16:03,453
Have a good day, buddy.
666
00:16:03,454 --> 00:16:04,754
He goes, "take it."
667
00:16:06,888 --> 00:16:08,553
Excuse me, ladies.
668
00:16:08,554 --> 00:16:10,854
Could you save my seat for one
669
00:16:10,888 --> 00:16:11,688
second?
670
00:16:11,689 --> 00:16:12,953
I have to run and...
671
00:16:12,954 --> 00:16:14,253
Meet my "cd" guy.
672
00:16:14,254 --> 00:16:16,120
I got to go meet my "cd" guy.
673
00:16:16,121 --> 00:16:18,087
To pick up some "Bob Marley."
674
00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:19,853
To pick up some "Bob Marley,"
675
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:22,254
if you know what I mean.
676
00:16:22,288 --> 00:16:23,453
But just save this for me?
677
00:16:23,454 --> 00:16:24,254
A cd guy, huh?
678
00:16:24,255 --> 00:16:25,353
I think they both are
679
00:16:25,354 --> 00:16:26,720
whispering to each other right
680
00:16:26,721 --> 00:16:27,088
now.
681
00:16:27,089 --> 00:16:28,287
You just asked her, "can you
682
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:29,420
save my seat so I can buy
683
00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:29,888
drugs?"
684
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,520
Sal, it's your goal to talk her
685
00:16:31,521 --> 00:16:32,488
out of that seat.
686
00:16:32,489 --> 00:16:34,087
Is there any way that I can
687
00:16:34,088 --> 00:16:35,088
borrow that seat?
688
00:16:40,554 --> 00:16:43,487
Oh, you're saving it?
689
00:16:43,488 --> 00:16:44,754
Did he say what it was about?
690
00:16:50,854 --> 00:16:51,854
Yeah!
691
00:16:52,921 --> 00:16:53,754
Finally got a seat.
692
00:16:53,754 --> 00:16:54,754
Waiting for a seat to open.
693
00:16:54,754 --> 00:16:55,754
There's just so many people.
694
00:16:55,755 --> 00:16:57,120
It's all about timing, I guess.
695
00:16:57,121 --> 00:16:58,253
I actually got to run real
696
00:16:58,254 --> 00:16:58,654
quick.
697
00:16:58,655 --> 00:16:59,920
Do you mind watching the seat
698
00:16:59,921 --> 00:17:00,821
for me real quick?
699
00:17:00,821 --> 00:17:01,454
Is that cool?
700
00:17:01,455 --> 00:17:02,820
I just got to...
701
00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,320
I need to rewipe.
702
00:17:04,321 --> 00:17:05,453
Just save the seat.
703
00:17:05,454 --> 00:17:06,520
I'll be right back.
704
00:17:06,521 --> 00:17:07,853
I just got to do a quick rewipe.
705
00:17:07,854 --> 00:17:09,920
Oh, my god!
706
00:17:09,921 --> 00:17:11,120
I got to do a rewipe.
707
00:17:11,121 --> 00:17:12,187
Wasn't a clean break.
708
00:17:12,188 --> 00:17:12,888
Oh!
709
00:17:12,889 --> 00:17:14,120
Thank you. Appreciate it.
710
00:17:14,121 --> 00:17:15,088
Just hold it for me.
711
00:17:15,088 --> 00:17:15,721
Thank you.
712
00:17:15,722 --> 00:17:17,353
Why am I always pooping when it
713
00:17:17,354 --> 00:17:18,354
comes to you guys?
714
00:17:18,355 --> 00:17:19,987
You need a quick rewipe, bud!
715
00:17:19,988 --> 00:17:21,553
I think he'll let you know.
716
00:17:21,554 --> 00:17:22,953
Let's find out.
717
00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:25,087
Do you mind if I squeeze in?
718
00:17:25,088 --> 00:17:26,120
Is that okay?
719
00:17:26,121 --> 00:17:27,553
Thank you so much.
720
00:17:27,554 --> 00:17:29,253
He just gave it up!
721
00:17:29,254 --> 00:17:29,888
Thank you.
722
00:17:29,888 --> 00:17:30,854
He just gave it up!
723
00:17:30,855 --> 00:17:32,120
I wouldn't want me to come
724
00:17:32,121 --> 00:17:33,387
back, either, if I had to do a
725
00:17:33,388 --> 00:17:33,821
rewipe.
726
00:17:33,821 --> 00:17:34,621
Nobody was saving this seat
727
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:35,621
for anybody.
728
00:17:37,654 --> 00:17:39,087
Oh!
729
00:17:39,088 --> 00:17:39,888
The rewipe!
730
00:17:39,889 --> 00:17:41,320
So, you were saving a seat
731
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:42,853
'cause a guy told you he had to
732
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:43,888
go rewipe?
733
00:17:45,854 --> 00:17:46,821
I'm done with my rewipe, bud.
734
00:17:46,822 --> 00:17:48,087
You're out.
735
00:17:48,088 --> 00:17:49,187
Hey, I'm sorry.
736
00:17:49,188 --> 00:17:50,787
I told you it was gonna be a
737
00:17:50,788 --> 00:17:51,788
quick rewipe.
738
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,087
Narrator: Murr lost, but q
739
00:17:55,088 --> 00:17:57,553
takes the seat as tonight's big
740
00:17:57,554 --> 00:17:58,321
loser.
741
00:17:58,322 --> 00:17:59,620
Q thinks he has all the right
742
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,853
moves, but we know he doesn't.
743
00:18:00,854 --> 00:18:01,987
So, we're sending you out,
744
00:18:01,988 --> 00:18:03,220
buddy, in front of thousands of
745
00:18:03,221 --> 00:18:04,221
baseball fans during the
746
00:18:04,221 --> 00:18:05,154
seventh-inning stretch.
747
00:18:05,155 --> 00:18:06,387
You have to entertain all of
748
00:18:06,388 --> 00:18:07,453
them with the help of your
749
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,920
champion break-dancing crew...
750
00:18:09,921 --> 00:18:10,888
Q's crew.
751
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:12,820
Break a leg, buddy.
752
00:18:12,821 --> 00:18:13,920
No, break a dance.
753
00:18:13,921 --> 00:18:16,188
Word.
754
00:18:18,621 --> 00:18:20,620
Ladies and gentlemen...
755
00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:22,620
Wow. Whose crew is that?
756
00:18:22,621 --> 00:18:25,120
The q crew!
757
00:18:25,121 --> 00:18:26,687
For your entertainment,
758
00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:27,421
q's crew!
759
00:18:27,422 --> 00:18:28,753
I think you see where this is
760
00:18:28,754 --> 00:18:30,153
going, buddy.
761
00:18:30,154 --> 00:18:31,488
I see the empty mat.
762
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,587
Oh, my god, they're
763
00:18:36,588 --> 00:18:38,353
unbelievable!
764
00:18:38,354 --> 00:18:39,853
I can't even do the least of
765
00:18:39,854 --> 00:18:40,554
their moves.
766
00:18:40,555 --> 00:18:41,820
He's standing sideways!
767
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:43,120
Oh, my god, the backwards
768
00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:44,121
swerve!
769
00:18:44,122 --> 00:18:45,687
Oh, my god.
770
00:18:45,688 --> 00:18:48,420
You're the leader, buddy.
771
00:18:48,421 --> 00:18:51,553
And now, joining q's crew,
772
00:18:51,554 --> 00:18:53,220
the man himself, q!
773
00:18:53,221 --> 00:18:55,788
Bust a move, buddy!
774
00:18:57,321 --> 00:18:59,687
These guys.
775
00:18:59,688 --> 00:19:02,987
I'm gonna my and
776
00:19:02,988 --> 00:19:05,487
oh, my god!
777
00:19:05,488 --> 00:19:06,653
Holy!
778
00:19:06,654 --> 00:19:10,154
Yeah!
779
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,521
Oh, my god!
780
00:19:18,988 --> 00:19:20,287
He's dancing.
781
00:19:20,288 --> 00:19:21,453
Oh, my god!
782
00:19:21,454 --> 00:19:23,553
And now, the moment you've
783
00:19:23,554 --> 00:19:24,953
been waiting for.
784
00:19:24,954 --> 00:19:27,187
It's q performing his signature
785
00:19:27,188 --> 00:19:29,088
move, the dirty ham hock.
786
00:19:30,488 --> 00:19:31,720
Dirty ham hock!
787
00:19:31,721 --> 00:19:32,788
Dirty ham hock!
788
00:19:34,821 --> 00:19:37,188
It is the dirty ham hock.
789
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:42,354
I hurt my back.
790
00:19:42,354 --> 00:19:43,288
He wiped out.
791
00:19:43,289 --> 00:19:44,853
All right, somebody help me.
792
00:19:44,854 --> 00:19:47,688
Nailed it!
43853
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