Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up, why is

Joe going down under?

Whoa!

Narrator: How will sal talk

his way out of this?

Who threw the chicken at me?

I want the guy right now.

Narrator: And which joker

will be the butt of tonight's

punishment?

Today, we're teaming up in

the mall with one goal in

mind... to dip our fries into

other people's food without

permission.

Each team will take turns

wandering the food court, both

distracting and dipping.

The team with the fewest dips

loses.

What's that?

Like I don't know that you're

gonna dip...

oh, my god!

One.

You guys ready?

Where'd they go?

Are they even out there?

Where are you guys?

Look at these two.

Oh, my god.

You look like two muppets..

Wait, how'd he get a big tray

of food?

Hello?

If you go to cajun grill, i'm

right by the side.

I'm... oh, son of a

he's got extra props.

I'm sorry. Hold on.

I'm losing my tray.

I'm losing a whole tray of

food.

I'm right by the sbarro.

In front.

I'm sorry.

I'm dropping everything.

This is crazy.

I'm so sorry.

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

She didn't see it!

Whoa!

She didn't see it!

That was like a ghost hand!

Whoa!

That was a high production.

Wow!

I'm not gonna lie to you, we

put some work in on that one.

Yeah!

Wow!

Godspeed, Joe.

Are you guys using this chair?

Oh, you are using it?

Okay.

Are you guys using this chair?

Thank you.

But what are you doing?

Is that the distraction?

Scratching your ass until

someone notices?

Es?

Murray's just watching with

a stupid look on his face.

He's not doing anything.

Oh, my god!

He got blocked.

Don't tell Joe.

He's just gonna stand there

scratching his ass for no

reason.

Just let him scratch his ass.

He doesn't know that Murray got

blocked!

What's that, bud?

Okay.

You don't tell me where I can

scratch my ass

this is america.

What are you doing?

I got blocked.

You could have told me.

I'm scratching my ass in the

middle of the food court, you

doof.

Yeah, I'll wait over here.

I found... there's a table right

over here.

Allergies, allergies, allergies.

Whoa!

Turn around.

I know. I'm sorry.

Both: Aah!

Oh, my god. I'm like...

Both: Whoa! He got caught!

What are you doing?

Oh, god!

Oh, my god!

You dope!

Oh, my god!

I thought that was seamless,

boys.

Me and q are food-court kind

of guys.

Murray and I are more

fine-dining guys.

You're not fine-dining, my

friends.

What's going on with the hair

today, bud?

What is that?

It's like a tidal wave.

It looks like a wave about to

crest.

Switch it up a little bit.

I can do stuff with my hair.

Excuse me.

Where did you get, like... is

this, over here, where you

ordered?

It's over here?

Yeah.

Which one?

Here he goes!

Go! Go! Go!

It's the cajun grill?

He did it!

Oh, man.

Thank you very much.

Appreciate it.

He's like lightning.

Wow!

It's a blur.

That man has no idea he's

been dipped.

Nice one, buddy.

Sal, that's the first time

I've ever seen you run, and

we've been friends 23 years.

Gentlemen, I present the.

Super long fry.

A little arts-and-crafts hour?

We came to win, y'alls.

All right, man.

Let's see how the extender

treats them.

Is it okay?

Thanks.

See my... do you like that

phone?

I have this new phone.

It's so much bigger.

Do you see this, like,

"distraction... noun.

A thing that prevents someone

from giving full attention to

something else.

A diversion or recreation."

That's the definition of a

distraction.

So...

come on.

Hold on.

Let me look up "caught."

You know what?

Excuse me.

I'm playing hide-and-go-seek

with my niece.

Do you see a girl with pigtails

coming right here?

Oh!

That was good dip!

That's a good dip.

What's going on?

Are we playing fun games here?

She's looking for me.

She's what?

She's looking for me.

I don't want her to see me,

so...

Oh, and she caught you.

She caught you.

No, she didn't. She didn't.

Caught!

She literally yelled at you, "i

saw you."

Like, that's the worst way to

get caught ever.

Guys?

Yep?

I have a secret weapon.

You have a secret weapon?

Okay.

A little something something

for the distraction.

Oh, yeah?

Sal's real excited for this

challenge.

Oh, she's looking.

Is this guy for real?

Is this guy for real walking

around like that?

That is so bizarre.

What is he doing?

You see that, right?

I see it.

Oh, my god!

She clearly saw you dip it in

her plate.

She didn't say anything.

She didn't say anything.

Counts.

Counts.

That's how you do it, guys.

You packaged that win

together.

Narrator: Looks like Joe and

murr are taking a dip on the

loser board.

You know, I won't skinny-dip

in the ocean 'cause I'm afraid

something's gonna swim in my pee

hole.

What, like a shark?

Yeah.

Yeah, like a shark.

Oh, thanks, murr.

You mean a great white shark?

Yeah!

How do you know?

Today, we're at the Jersey shore

working at jimbo's restaurant.

We'll be behind the counter

taking orders and serving up

food.

And the whole time we got to

do and say what the other guys

tell us.

And if you refuse any of it,

you lose.

Switch!

There's something about when

you come down to the

Jersey shore to just eat like

an absolute animal.

You think?

That is way too big.

You look like an extra from

"scarface."

All right, here we go.

So a cajun chicken platter.

Underneath the counter there,

there's a foot-long hot dog.

Of course.

Just grab it and use it.

Yeah, what is it, a...

An orchestra.

A maestro.

A maestro. Yeah.

Is it together or separate?

There it is.

There it is.

It's one chicken fingers

platter, one cajun chicken

platter...

And they both go with...

Okay.

They both come with a free

soft drink.

I can put it on this card.

This is your discover right

here?

Don't do that.

And then a lemonade, and what

can I get you?

What is that?

They make me hold it.

Why do they make him hold a

raw foot-long hot dog?

It's neither here nor there.

So you just want to sign?

Sal, as she's signing, keep

tapping the paper with the hot

dog.

All right, so, I'll bring it

over to you.

Sal, throw a chicken finger

right behind this guy.

Oh, my god.

Oh guys. Come on.

Oh, my...

He must have felt it.

He's checking to see if a

bird on his hat.

I'm not... I don't think...

I don't think that's funny.

Ere he comes.

He's coming in. He's coming in.

Stand up!

Stand up or you lose.

Stand up or you lose.

Ordered the chicken fingers?

Oh me.

Were you the one that ordered

the chicken fingers?

I didn't order anything.

I was walking down the boardwalk

and chicken came flying across

like this and hit me in the

head.

Are you telling me that a

chicken finger came flying by

and hit you?

Smacked off the building here

and hit me in the head.

Yeah, I know, I threw it.

Who threw the chicken at me?

I want the guy right now.

I'll be on the lookout.

Hey, what's up, guys?

What can I do for you?

Chicken fingers?

Yep.

Okay, cool.

And then what for you? Anything?

Just that? Cool.

You gonna sit and eat, or you

gonna...

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you guys want to pop that

shirt off, we allow that.

Yeah, and if you want to pop

that shirt off, that's okay in

here.

You know, sun's out, guns out.

Sprite?

A sprite? Yeah.

You got it.

You got that?

If you guys want to pop those

shirts off, we allow it.

If he wants to pop that shirt

off...

We're okay with it.

You want to pop that shirt off?

You want to pop that shirt

off?

Idiots.

Here we go.

Here we go.

I'll have the...

You want to pop that shirt

off, we're okay with it here.

Italian sausage platter.

And just so you know, if you

want to pop your shirt off,

we're cool with that in here.

Okay. Great.

It's all good.

So, do you want to?

French fries and a pickle.

So, where do we stand on the

shirtsky?

Yeah. No.

On the pop?

No on the popsky. Great.

So then that'll just be $8.55.

There we go.

Okay, now go back to those

two guys in the booth.

You got their chicken

fingers, buddy?

They got some fresh fries

coming out in a second, so I

just brought these over first.

Now don't leave the table.

Just linger.

Let it linger.

Stare at them from afar.

Stare at them from afar.

Inch closer.

Start inching closer.

Inch. Inch. Inch.

It's full service. Yeah.

Nothing is worse than the

lingering waiter.

The kid he's looking at...

Yeah.

Joe, walk away.

Walk away. No problem.

All right. Sorry, bud.

Keep walking back and forth,

and stare at them.

"This guy's crazy."

Q, stare off into the

distance.

You look crazy.

What's going on?

All right, q, stare for a

second.

Okay, now apologize.

Sorry. Sorry.

Darrell from the kitchen...

Darrell from the kitchen...

showed me his junk

earlier.

Oh.

No one's saying that.

Nobody would say that.

No.

Wow.

Murr, before you go over to

serve them their fries, there's

a bag of sand right under the

register.

Grab it, and put it in your

pants.

That's hardly the weirdest

thing that's been in Murray's

crotch.

Here we go.

Drop the fries off, bud.

Okay, there's some fries.

Thank you.

Enjoy the fries.

Turn around, stop there, and

shake the sand out of your

pants.

Dump the bag down your pants.

All right, now go.

Shake. Shake your leg.

Shake your leg.

This sand is everywhere.

I can't... I've been trying to

get the sand out.

He's baffled how much sand

fits up there.

Shake it all the way.

There's tons.

Trying to get it out.

Where is all

that sand coming from?

There's a rock in there!

That's much better now.

I had a rock in there.

Geez.

How's it going?

How can I help you out?

Can I get an order of the

baby-back ribs?

Baby-back ribs. Good choice.

Let me ask you something.

You like pickles?

Do you like pickles?

I do.

Hand him a pickle.

Try that.

We just got this brand.

Keep handing this guy

pickles.

Barbecue sauce on that, or...

Yes, please.

Okay.

Any assortment of barbecue

sauce?

Keep handing him pickles.

Lemonade, I guess.

A lemonade?

Okay.

Small, medium, large?

Keep handing him pickles.

Full pickle ahead.

Chicken fingers and French

fries.

An order of the kids' chicken

fingers and the French fries.

Fistful of pickles.

Ketchup?

Ketchup with that? Okay.

Look at the pickle juice.

Baby-back ribs... $7.99.

Fistful of pickles is $9.

A fistful of pickles is $9.

What?

I'd like to know how many more

pickles I can hold, then.

Well, he's giving you the

change.

So it's $20.

Pickle on the money.

Put the pickle on the money.

Yeah, just drop it!

Hey.

Do you need a hand, or... are

you in a bit of a pickle?

Narrator: Sal and q just

served themselves a loss, so the

guys are now tied on the loser

board.

We're in the park, looking

for somebody named Beth.

That's all you got to do is

find someone named Beth.

Any Beth will do.

If you can't find Larry, you

lose.

Beth.

Beth.

Beth!

Narrator: It's q and Joe in

the joker vs. Joker challenge.

I've had no luck finding a

Larry.

Larry!

Larry!

Larry!

Larry!

Let's see how Beth works out.

All right.

Beth!

Beth, I was looking for you!

Joe, who do you really want

to call out for?

Larry! Beth!

Wait. Wait.

Wait a minute!

Why would you pick a guy?

Watch and learn.

You want to lose this

challenge.

"Watch and learn."

Is that an iPhone you got,

bud?

Yeah, I just got the iPhone.

Do you know how to sort the

contacts in your phone?

Like, so if I'm looking for a

Beth...

Is it?

What the hell's going on out

there?

Are your contacts sorted by

first name?

Wow, I admire this approach.

I admire this approach.

Let's say you want to go to

Beth.

Do you have a Beth in there?

Oh, there's a Beth right there.

It's calling Beth?

Gotcha.

You got to talk to her.

We have to hear her voice.

Who is it?

It's Beth.

Yeah, it's ringing.

So that's all?

You hit the button.

I know. I need to talk to them.

There he goes.

She didn't answer.

That's unfortunate.

Yeah.

Oh, so close.

Wow! Clever!

Smart approach.

That's a long way to go for a

thumbs down.

Q, I can't find you in the

park.

There's just way too many

homeless people around.

Well, which one's you?

Right.

Is your name Beth?

You're not Beth?

Are you Beth?

You guys are killing me.

It's your first attempt.

Excuse me.

Is your name Beth?

Ah, you're killing me.

Pink hat, is your name Beth?

Not Beth?

Yeah, you're killing me.

Killing me.

What are you doing?

Is your name Beth? Beth?

No.

Ah, you're killing me.

Can I get a bite of that

sandwich?

She gave a bite of the

sandwich.

He just took a bite of her

sandwich.

Hey, is your name Beth?

Or Elizabeth?

Yeah, it is.

Your name's Beth?!

Holy her name is

Beth!

Your name's Beth!

Get out of here!

I got a Beth!

How'd he find a Beth?

Lovely meeting you.

Lovely meeting you.

Lovely!

You, Beth, are not killing me.

Narrator: The only thing Joe

found was a loss, making him

tonight's big loser.

Here's a fact... Joe lost!

Yeah!

Here's another fact... Joe

has an extremely effeminate dog

named cannoli!

Yeah, albeit cute, cannoli is

a girly dog.

Joe, for your punishment, you

have to take your dog for a

walk.

All right, and the catch?

And the catch is, since

you're such a cute couple, we've

picked out an interesting

ensemble for the two of you to

wear while you stroll.

Yes, and you cannot stop

until someone tells you that

you're cuter than the cutest dog

in the world.

Much like cannoli, this

punishment licks balls.

We are on wall street at

5:00 P.M.

Every single mover and shaker is

walking around in their $2,000

suits, and Joe is gonna

humiliate himself for their

pleasure.

All right, here he comes.

Oh, my god.

I ain't gonna lie, boys, this

one stinks.

See, he's got wings.

Cannoli, let's go get people

to say that I'm cuter than you.

Cute dog, no?

You think even cannoli right

now is like, "oh, my god"?

Cannoli's embarrassed.

It's a cute puppy, right?

You like my outfit?

Who's, uh...

who's cuter?

Who's cuter, though?

Who's cuter?

The dog's cuter. Of course.

Thank you, buddy.

Enjoy your stocks and bonds.

Joe.

Yeah?

You be embarrassed?

Is that a cute puppy?

You like my outfit?

Who do you think's cuter... me

or the puppy?

The puppy.

That's it, buddy. Sorry!

Aw, man, this isn't working

out.

So how 'bout maybe another

outfit?

Yeah!

The bee's not working.

We'll change ya.

You want to change?

A costume change?

What am I? Madonna?

Buzz off and change into the

new outfit, and we'll see if you

have any more luck.

I hate you.

Don't lose. Don't lose.

There you go.

Turn around. Turn around.

Turn around.

I'm gonna pass out.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god.

Your bare ass is on

wall street.

Appreciate the

air-conditioning, guys.

You like the cowgirl?

Who's cuter... the cowboy or the

cowgirl?

Cowgirl?

The cowgirl takes it, man?

Cowgirl!

Cowgirl all day.

How does it feel out there,

bonanza?

Ready for another outfit?

Yippee-ki-yay, mother

oh, my god.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Such a pretty bride.

Wow!

Joe!

Oh, my god.

I can't believe he fit in the

shoes.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

This is the best.

This is my favorite thing

ever right now.

I'm a doggone lucky guy.

How are you even able to pun?

How does the dress look?

Do you think the puppy looks

cute?

The groom.

Together: Oh!

I do.

Oh, there you go!

That's what I'm talking about!

This is the happiest bride ever.

Yay!

I won.

Yay. I won.

It's over!

You son of a bitch.

If I didn't have heels on.

If I didn't have heels on.

This is it.

Yeah, laugh it up!