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Narrator: Coming up, why is
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Joe going nowhere fast?
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Come here, you son of a
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bitch.
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Narrator: What's making sal
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so scary?
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Holy
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I'm sorry.
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And...
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♪ ready to rock you
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♪ ready to rock you
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what happens when tonight's big
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losers open for the rock band
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imagine dragons in front of a
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crowd of 14,000?
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Today we're at the mall,
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about to take an unusual
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escalator ride with fellow
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shshoppers.
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As we approach the escalator,
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we'll be given tasks that we
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must accomplish before we reach
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the top.
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If you cannot complete one of
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your tasks before the end of
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your ride, you lose.
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Things are gonna escalate
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real quick!
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Ohh!
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No, he didn't!
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Hey, sal, this is a
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super-easy one.
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You just got to get someone to
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tell them the last time they
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made.
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The last time they "made"?
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Last time they made.
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Made what?
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Whatever they made.
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Oh, comin' up, white shirt.
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White shirt, comin' up.
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Oh, this is gonna be tough.
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Oh, she's doing the walk.
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Catch her, catch her.
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When's the last time you...
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aah!
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I'm sorry!
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What the hell?
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She just screamed.
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Aah!
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You terrified her.
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Sh scared me.
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Your goal is to hug someone
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for the entire ride up.
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Here he goes.
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You know, I just want to say,
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you're awesome, man.
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I know.
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It's already too late.
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Free hugs?
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Yeah, from the top to the
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bottom.
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Come on.
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I was supposed to go for the
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whole length of the thing, so
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you want to hug me on the way
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down?
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Too much now.
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If he does, we'll give it to
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you.
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Ehh, yeah!
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This is crazy.
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You're a great guy, man.
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We need more hugs, less thugs.
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You know what I'm saying?
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"More hugs, less thugs"?
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You going back up?
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All right, let's do it, come on.
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Come here. What are you doing?
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Come on.
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Get in here.
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What do you got?
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I'm ready to do anything.
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On the way up, call someone's
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mom.
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Call someone's mom?
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Call someone's mom.
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That's it?
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That's easy.
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Here we go, here we go.
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Okay, bye.
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Oh.
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Are you going up?
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Oh. Yeah.
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Do you mind if I...
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You know what?
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You are a gentleman.
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Thank you for letting me go
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first.
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I want to call your mom and tell
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her she raised you right.
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Oh, that's your mom right there.
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What's your phone number, real
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quick.
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I'm gonna call you and tell you
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you raised a good son.
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What's that number?
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Oh!
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What are the odds that that's
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your mom right there?
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Son of a...
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Murr, here's a clue.
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Yeah.
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Don't get on the escalator
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with a family.
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I'm gonna keep going until I
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call someone's mom.
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Okay, and if you don't, we're
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gonna give you a thumbs-down.
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Take out your damn phone, and
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let's call your mom together.
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I'm a man at the end of my rope.
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And if you don't call your mom
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to say you love her, you're not
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getting on this escalator.
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Your moms need to know that you
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love them.
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Who...
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Call your mom.
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Nobody else is getting pa...
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Okay, you guys... just three of
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you, but no one...
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Call your mom and tell her you
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love her.
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Really?
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Oh.
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Can you call your mom?
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My hands are full.
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You just got to give up at
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this point.
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We got to move on.
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This is your last chance,
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buddy.
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You rather have someone sniff
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your armpit?
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How about that, tough guy?
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Oh, wow.
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There he goes.
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Can I ask you guys a
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question?
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Yeah.
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I was about to buy two
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different colognes there, and
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they sprayed it, and I don't
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know which one I like better.
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Can you tel me which one you
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like better?
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Okay. So, here's the first one.
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And here's the second one.
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What do you think?
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He doesn't get her to smell
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an armpit.
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He gets her to smell both
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armpits.
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Wow!
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All right, guys, what do I
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got to do?
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Get someone's belt off.
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Holy crap.
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Just step on the escalator.
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There you go.
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Oh, guys! Guys!
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My pants are falling down!
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Any one of you guys got a belt I
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could borrow real quick?
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Guys, you got a belt I could
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borrow?
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You got a belt I could borrow?!
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Who's got a belt?!
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Who's got a belt?! Come on!
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Come on!
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Come on with the belt! Come on!
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Come on! Hurry!
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Hurry! Come here!
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Come here! Aah!
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Yes! Yes!
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Yes!
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Yes!
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Yeah!
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Yeah!
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Yeah! Yeah!
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Josephine.
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Sí.
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You're gonna have to do a
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mutual face caress.
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You have to caress someone's
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face while they're caressing
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yours.
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Do it to me.
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Like...
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Oh, okay. So, like a pet?
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Yeah.
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Oh, he's going.
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Just doing a...
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I was...
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I just saw a girl earlier, and
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she, like, really pulled at my
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heart strings and made me think
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of, like, that face-caress
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moment, you know?
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You know what I'm talking about?
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You look into their eyes...
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Give me a little face caress.
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Go ahead. Do it.
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Do it. No?
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Come on, do it.
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Oh this noise.
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What are you doing?!
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Somebody's got to come up
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sooner or later.
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What you've just done is put
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yourself on a stairmaster, my
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friend, and I'm not betting on
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you lasting that long, so go
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right ahead.
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Does no one take the
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escalator?
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Sorry. I dropped my thing.
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How's the popcorn?
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Very good.
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Good. Yeah?
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Face caress or no?
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Not into it?
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Thanks, man.
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Hey, bud.
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Sorry. Excuse me.
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Ladies, real quick... a face
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caress?
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I need somebody to jump on board
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with me.
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Go ahead, do it.
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You want to do it?
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No? No?
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Okay. Well, that's...
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You got your prerogative.
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What's your deal?
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Face caress or no?
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Damn it.
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Get this guy's backpack.
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Give me your
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backpack.
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Try caress again.
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Guys, I'm gonna die.
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This is the end.
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This is the end of Joe gatto.
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This is his end.
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What's up, man?
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You've caressed faces much?
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No?
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You put your hand on my face, I
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put my hand on yours.
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Come here, you son of a bitch.
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Well, there's a time when a
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man's got to admit that it's
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over.
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Narrator: Joe couldn't step
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it up, so he's taking a ride on
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the loser board.
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Given the choice, escalator
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or elevator?
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Mm.
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Escalator.
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Really?
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Yeah. Surprised.
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An elevator's a germ box.
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Yeah, that's right.
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That's true, but there's
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nothing worse than getting to an
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escalator that's shut, so...
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You mean steps.
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Today, we're whispering sweet
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nothings into shoppers' ears.
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And by "sweet nothings," we
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mean "whatever the other guys
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tell us."
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The goal is to get the person
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to whisper back to you.
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If they don't whisper back...
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You lose.
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Sal's so insecure.
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Watch this.
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Sal, fix your shirt, man.
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Okay. What part?
294
00:07:12,721 --> 00:07:14,953
The bottom there.
295
00:07:14,954 --> 00:07:15,621
Yep.
296
00:07:15,622 --> 00:07:17,587
The front, the front.
297
00:07:17,588 --> 00:07:18,554
Yep.
298
00:07:18,555 --> 00:07:19,653
The button, the button on the
299
00:07:19,654 --> 00:07:20,588
bottom is up.
300
00:07:20,588 --> 00:07:21,188
Yeah.
301
00:07:21,188 --> 00:07:21,621
Yeah.
302
00:07:21,622 --> 00:07:22,653
Is that bottom button done?
303
00:07:22,654 --> 00:07:23,088
No.
304
00:07:23,088 --> 00:07:23,621
Oh, okay.
305
00:07:23,622 --> 00:07:24,720
That's why he's blousing.
306
00:07:24,721 --> 00:07:25,621
Yeah, it's blousing.
307
00:07:25,622 --> 00:07:27,087
Bl... wha...
308
00:07:27,088 --> 00:07:28,253
your shirt looks fine.
309
00:07:28,254 --> 00:07:29,221
Oh, all right.
310
00:07:29,222 --> 00:07:31,153
It's the hair that's not...
311
00:07:31,154 --> 00:07:32,788
What's wrong with the hair?
312
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:37,287
The girl in front of you.
313
00:07:37,288 --> 00:07:38,387
"Whole-grain bread?
314
00:07:38,388 --> 00:07:39,588
You dirty dog."
315
00:07:43,388 --> 00:07:44,853
Whole-grain bread?
316
00:07:44,854 --> 00:07:46,188
You dirty dog.
317
00:07:48,688 --> 00:07:49,654
Right?
318
00:07:49,655 --> 00:07:51,087
The whole-grain bread?
319
00:07:51,088 --> 00:07:53,120
Well, it has walnuts...
320
00:07:53,121 --> 00:07:54,353
She's on the verge of
321
00:07:54,354 --> 00:07:55,221
whispering.
322
00:07:55,222 --> 00:07:56,320
It's absolutely delicious,
323
00:07:56,321 --> 00:07:56,854
right?
324
00:07:56,854 --> 00:07:57,321
Yeah.
325
00:07:57,322 --> 00:07:58,387
Usually I'm here with my
326
00:07:58,388 --> 00:07:58,821
wife.
327
00:07:58,822 --> 00:08:00,087
I don't like her to know i'm
328
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:01,253
getting the whole-grain bread,
329
00:08:01,254 --> 00:08:02,453
so I have to say to them, "I'll
330
00:08:02,454 --> 00:08:03,754
take the whole-grain bread."
331
00:08:04,421 --> 00:08:05,553
You have to sneak it from
332
00:08:05,554 --> 00:08:05,988
anybody?
333
00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:06,488
No.
334
00:08:06,489 --> 00:08:07,887
All right, take care.
335
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,420
You were on the verge of
336
00:08:09,421 --> 00:08:10,154
whisper.
337
00:08:10,154 --> 00:08:11,121
Here, here... this guy right in
338
00:08:11,122 --> 00:08:12,153
front of you.
339
00:08:12,154 --> 00:08:14,121
"Let's get real about Linda."
340
00:08:17,554 --> 00:08:20,887
Let's get real about...
341
00:08:20,888 --> 00:08:24,087
sorry I startled you.
342
00:08:24,088 --> 00:08:25,088
Adios, amigo.
343
00:08:26,454 --> 00:08:29,087
The guy in front of you.
344
00:08:29,088 --> 00:08:30,554
"Yo, you heard johnboy bit it?"
345
00:08:34,088 --> 00:08:35,253
Yo, you heard johnboy bit it?
346
00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:36,254
Holy
347
00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:36,921
I'm sorry.
348
00:08:36,921 --> 00:08:37,921
Holy
349
00:08:38,954 --> 00:08:40,220
so... sorry.
350
00:08:40,221 --> 00:08:41,520
You scared the out of
351
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,521
me.
352
00:08:42,954 --> 00:08:44,153
Whoa! Sal is scaring
353
00:08:44,154 --> 00:08:45,254
everybody out there.
354
00:08:46,854 --> 00:08:47,887
That's how johnboy bit it... he
355
00:08:47,888 --> 00:08:48,987
got a heart attack when somebody
356
00:08:48,988 --> 00:08:49,721
whispered behind him.
357
00:08:49,722 --> 00:08:51,387
I did the exact opposite of
358
00:08:51,388 --> 00:08:52,388
the goal.
359
00:08:53,621 --> 00:08:55,420
This guy in red, buddy.
360
00:08:55,421 --> 00:08:56,553
"Gary never gave me back my
361
00:08:56,554 --> 00:08:57,554
hedge clippers."
362
00:09:00,654 --> 00:09:01,953
Gary never gave me back my
363
00:09:01,954 --> 00:09:03,421
hedge clippers.
364
00:09:03,454 --> 00:09:03,954
Yeah?
365
00:09:03,955 --> 00:09:05,187
Gary never returned them.
366
00:09:05,188 --> 00:09:06,287
Do we know each other?
367
00:09:06,288 --> 00:09:07,088
You know Gary?
368
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:08,220
No, I think you got me
369
00:09:08,221 --> 00:09:09,420
confused with somebody else,
370
00:09:09,421 --> 00:09:10,587
though we can keep playing
371
00:09:10,588 --> 00:09:12,188
around if it makes you happy.
372
00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:14,853
Gary never gave them back to
373
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:15,321
me.
374
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:16,288
Okay. Give him a call.
375
00:09:16,288 --> 00:09:16,921
Text him.
376
00:09:16,922 --> 00:09:17,953
Everybody's saying to give
377
00:09:17,954 --> 00:09:18,954
him a call.
378
00:09:19,888 --> 00:09:22,220
Thank you, buddy.
379
00:09:22,221 --> 00:09:23,420
Full volume, full volume.
380
00:09:23,421 --> 00:09:24,653
Not even a hint of whisper.
381
00:09:24,654 --> 00:09:25,654
Joe, I'm gonna try something a
382
00:09:25,655 --> 00:09:26,753
little different.
383
00:09:26,754 --> 00:09:28,687
Whoever you go up to, "did you
384
00:09:28,688 --> 00:09:29,388
fart?"
385
00:09:29,389 --> 00:09:30,987
Here we go.
386
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,421
Why fart? Why?
387
00:09:33,554 --> 00:09:35,687
Peach shirt, peach shirt.
388
00:09:35,688 --> 00:09:36,654
It's her husband right next
389
00:09:36,655 --> 00:09:39,253
to her.
390
00:09:39,254 --> 00:09:40,620
Did you fart?
391
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:41,521
Excuse me?
392
00:09:41,522 --> 00:09:42,588
Did you fart?
393
00:09:43,454 --> 00:09:44,354
Did I fart?
394
00:09:44,354 --> 00:09:45,354
Are you serious?
395
00:09:45,354 --> 00:09:46,354
Yeah.
396
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:48,554
No, you didn't?
397
00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:48,954
No.
398
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,187
Okay, 'cause I thought I
399
00:09:50,188 --> 00:09:51,253
heard and smelled one.
400
00:09:51,254 --> 00:09:51,721
Okay.
401
00:09:51,722 --> 00:09:54,288
Okay. Just curious.
402
00:09:58,654 --> 00:09:59,887
I think I know how not to get
403
00:09:59,888 --> 00:10:01,053
the police called on me today.
404
00:10:01,054 --> 00:10:01,688
Oh, really?
405
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:02,354
You got an idea?
406
00:10:02,355 --> 00:10:03,787
I wore my nice black shoes
407
00:10:03,788 --> 00:10:04,853
and a salmon shirt.
408
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,020
Why are you calling it
409
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:06,854
salmon, too?
410
00:10:06,854 --> 00:10:07,654
It's pink.
411
00:10:07,655 --> 00:10:08,820
Is this not the color of a
412
00:10:08,821 --> 00:10:09,621
salmon?
413
00:10:09,622 --> 00:10:11,021
It is, actually, yeah.
414
00:10:12,954 --> 00:10:15,520
I stand corrected.
415
00:10:15,521 --> 00:10:16,653
Guy with the crutches.
416
00:10:16,654 --> 00:10:17,853
He can't get away.
417
00:10:17,854 --> 00:10:20,021
"Buy the ticket. Take the ride."
418
00:10:24,488 --> 00:10:25,454
Buy the ticket.
419
00:10:25,455 --> 00:10:27,820
Take the ride.
420
00:10:27,821 --> 00:10:28,853
Buy the ticket.
421
00:10:28,854 --> 00:10:31,321
Take the ride.
422
00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:34,120
He's got to whisper.
423
00:10:34,121 --> 00:10:35,387
All you got to do is buy that
424
00:10:35,388 --> 00:10:36,154
ticket, my friend.
425
00:10:36,155 --> 00:10:37,353
It's such a fun ride.
426
00:10:37,354 --> 00:10:38,920
You're gonna love this ride so
427
00:10:38,921 --> 00:10:39,621
much, man.
428
00:10:39,622 --> 00:10:41,120
Why do I feel Murray's had
429
00:10:41,121 --> 00:10:42,520
this exact conversation many
430
00:10:42,521 --> 00:10:45,320
times before in his life?
431
00:10:45,321 --> 00:10:46,288
You sure?
432
00:10:46,289 --> 00:10:48,620
You sure?
433
00:10:48,621 --> 00:10:50,020
Full volume, full volume.
434
00:10:50,021 --> 00:10:51,488
Not even a wisp of a whisper.
435
00:10:53,488 --> 00:10:57,053
This guy here in the stripes.
436
00:10:57,054 --> 00:10:58,288
"Want to finger paint?"
437
00:11:01,521 --> 00:11:04,087
Do you want to finger paint?
438
00:11:04,088 --> 00:11:04,988
Excuse me?
439
00:11:04,989 --> 00:11:06,320
Can you back up, son?
440
00:11:06,321 --> 00:11:09,154
You're a little bit too close.
441
00:11:10,221 --> 00:11:12,087
She's pulling her son away!
442
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,887
The mother-bird instinct
443
00:11:13,888 --> 00:11:14,688
kicked in!
444
00:11:14,689 --> 00:11:15,920
Well, you got her to whisper.
445
00:11:15,921 --> 00:11:16,987
She's whispering, "call the
446
00:11:16,988 --> 00:11:18,954
cops."
447
00:11:22,221 --> 00:11:23,221
Okay.
448
00:11:23,222 --> 00:11:24,853
What was that?!
449
00:11:24,854 --> 00:11:25,854
What a weirdo!
450
00:11:27,188 --> 00:11:29,420
Q, turn straight.
451
00:11:29,421 --> 00:11:30,753
Okay. Now, if you turned around
452
00:11:30,754 --> 00:11:32,087
and that was whispering in your
453
00:11:32,088 --> 00:11:33,088
ear...
454
00:11:34,554 --> 00:11:35,920
i would definitely mace it.
455
00:11:35,921 --> 00:11:37,187
Big tall guy behind him?
456
00:11:37,188 --> 00:11:38,453
Yeah, go get him, buddy.
457
00:11:38,454 --> 00:11:39,487
"Pull my waffle."
458
00:11:39,488 --> 00:11:40,920
Get right in his ear, man.
459
00:11:40,921 --> 00:11:42,687
Do it!
460
00:11:42,688 --> 00:11:45,720
Pull my waffle."
461
00:11:45,721 --> 00:11:46,188
Huh?
462
00:11:46,189 --> 00:11:48,387
Pull my waffle.
463
00:11:48,388 --> 00:11:50,453
Yeah?
464
00:11:50,454 --> 00:11:52,987
Oh, uh, we're just, uh...
465
00:11:52,988 --> 00:11:54,520
In the middle of something.
466
00:11:54,521 --> 00:11:56,720
Just gonna...
467
00:11:56,721 --> 00:11:57,721
Pull... pull...
468
00:11:59,821 --> 00:12:01,287
This is what your life has
469
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:02,088
come to.
470
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,720
You are a crushed man standing
471
00:12:03,721 --> 00:12:05,221
alone in a supermarket.
472
00:12:06,988 --> 00:12:08,353
The girl in front of you.
473
00:12:08,354 --> 00:12:11,187
"Chauncey says what's up."
474
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,453
Chauncey says what's up.
475
00:12:14,454 --> 00:12:16,287
He's an around-the-way guy.
476
00:12:16,288 --> 00:12:17,953
He said to say what's up.
477
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:19,287
Tell him I said, "hey,
478
00:12:19,288 --> 00:12:20,753
what's up?"
479
00:12:20,754 --> 00:12:21,820
It's just that chauncey's
480
00:12:21,821 --> 00:12:23,288
very soft-spoken.
481
00:12:23,321 --> 00:12:26,188
You know what I'm saying?
482
00:12:26,221 --> 00:12:27,353
I will tell chauncey you said
483
00:12:27,354 --> 00:12:27,821
what's up.
484
00:12:27,822 --> 00:12:29,653
Oh!
485
00:12:29,654 --> 00:12:32,253
No way!
486
00:12:32,254 --> 00:12:33,987
Unbelievable!
487
00:12:33,988 --> 00:12:35,721
Stop doing the damn strut!
488
00:12:37,221 --> 00:12:38,620
Narrator: Sal, Joe, and murr
489
00:12:38,621 --> 00:12:39,753
can whisper sweet nothings to
490
00:12:39,754 --> 00:12:41,287
each other on the loser board.
491
00:12:41,288 --> 00:12:41,854
Coming up, can tonight's big
492
00:12:41,854 --> 00:12:42,654
today, we're at the
493
00:12:42,655 --> 00:12:43,820
essex county turtle back zoo
494
00:12:43,821 --> 00:12:45,120
conducting customer-satisfaction
495
00:12:45,121 --> 00:12:46,121
surveys.
496
00:12:46,154 --> 00:12:47,420
But all of our questions have
497
00:12:47,421 --> 00:12:48,687
been written by the other guys.
498
00:12:48,688 --> 00:12:49,720
If you can't ask all the
499
00:12:49,721 --> 00:12:50,853
questions on the clipboard, you
500
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:51,354
lose.
501
00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:52,453
I'm gonna keep this cat.
502
00:12:52,454 --> 00:12:54,554
That's a penguin.
503
00:12:55,254 --> 00:12:56,353
Narrator: It's a
504
00:12:56,354 --> 00:12:57,887
joker versus joker challenge.
505
00:12:57,888 --> 00:12:59,553
Did you enjoy the zoo today?
506
00:12:59,554 --> 00:13:00,188
Yes.
507
00:13:00,189 --> 00:13:01,420
Would you mind if I asked you
508
00:13:01,421 --> 00:13:02,154
a quick question?
509
00:13:02,154 --> 00:13:02,588
Okay.
510
00:13:02,588 --> 00:13:03,554
What was your favorite
511
00:13:03,555 --> 00:13:04,687
exhibit that you visited today
512
00:13:04,688 --> 00:13:05,288
at the zoo?
513
00:13:05,288 --> 00:13:06,088
The birds.
514
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,120
The birds? Okay.
515
00:13:07,121 --> 00:13:08,620
Yes.
516
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,420
And is it a shame all these
517
00:13:10,421 --> 00:13:12,253
animals will eventually become
518
00:13:12,254 --> 00:13:12,954
crackers?
519
00:13:12,955 --> 00:13:14,087
I mean...
520
00:13:14,088 --> 00:13:15,420
They live their whole lives out
521
00:13:15,421 --> 00:13:15,821
here.
522
00:13:15,822 --> 00:13:17,153
They're gorgeous animals, some
523
00:13:17,154 --> 00:13:18,320
from all different lands.
524
00:13:18,321 --> 00:13:19,620
Eventually, they're gonna become
525
00:13:19,621 --> 00:13:20,154
crackers.
526
00:13:20,154 --> 00:13:20,854
Is that a shame?
527
00:13:20,854 --> 00:13:21,488
Do you agree?
528
00:13:21,489 --> 00:13:23,087
Put in a box and shipped off and
529
00:13:23,088 --> 00:13:24,587
some kid smacks them around on a
530
00:13:24,588 --> 00:13:26,087
high chair, gets them stuck to
531
00:13:26,088 --> 00:13:26,588
his lip.
532
00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:27,421
It's a shame. Yes?
533
00:13:27,421 --> 00:13:27,821
Yes.
534
00:13:27,821 --> 00:13:28,554
Yes, I agree.
535
00:13:28,555 --> 00:13:29,687
I hope you have a great day.
536
00:13:29,688 --> 00:13:30,354
Thank you.
537
00:13:30,354 --> 00:13:31,088
Okay, enjoy.
538
00:13:31,089 --> 00:13:32,187
Yeah, that's exactly how
539
00:13:32,188 --> 00:13:33,353
animal crackers are made you
540
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,088
idiot.
541
00:13:34,089 --> 00:13:35,753
Let me ask you a question.
542
00:13:35,754 --> 00:13:36,920
Okay.
543
00:13:36,921 --> 00:13:38,553
Darlene in the ticket booth, did
544
00:13:38,554 --> 00:13:39,920
she give you the 'tude that
545
00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:41,087
she's famous for?
546
00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:42,487
Did she do a lot of the huffin'
547
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:43,820
and the puffin'?
548
00:13:43,821 --> 00:13:46,720
No, I didn't talk to her.
549
00:13:46,721 --> 00:13:47,987
Can I ask you a quick
550
00:13:47,988 --> 00:13:50,853
question on behalf of the zoo?
551
00:13:50,854 --> 00:13:52,520
Uh... you caught that elephant
552
00:13:52,521 --> 00:13:52,988
dong?
553
00:13:52,989 --> 00:13:54,287
Did... I did what?
554
00:13:54,288 --> 00:13:55,320
Did I caught it?
555
00:13:55,321 --> 00:13:56,553
You caught that elephant
556
00:13:56,554 --> 00:13:57,354
dong?
557
00:13:57,355 --> 00:13:58,587
I passed on that.
558
00:13:58,588 --> 00:13:59,821
Oh. Very good.
559
00:14:01,521 --> 00:14:05,087
Okay. And last question...
560
00:14:05,088 --> 00:14:06,187
I would never ask you in a
561
00:14:06,188 --> 00:14:07,188
million years.
562
00:14:08,454 --> 00:14:09,687
So, we are done here, sir.
563
00:14:09,688 --> 00:14:10,221
Okay.
564
00:14:10,222 --> 00:14:11,853
All right.
565
00:14:11,854 --> 00:14:12,788
Just that easy, huh?
566
00:14:12,789 --> 00:14:13,953
Yes. I know this is a zoo,
567
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:14,954
but I'm not an animal.
568
00:14:17,154 --> 00:14:18,320
Joe, what animals do you
569
00:14:18,321 --> 00:14:19,620
think you're a combination of?
570
00:14:19,621 --> 00:14:20,853
Like an orangutan had sex
571
00:14:20,854 --> 00:14:21,854
with a toucan.
572
00:14:23,121 --> 00:14:24,220
You mind taking a quick survey?
573
00:14:24,221 --> 00:14:25,221
Give you a couple questions?
574
00:14:25,221 --> 00:14:26,221
Sure, I'll take a survey.
575
00:14:26,221 --> 00:14:27,221
Did you visit the food
576
00:14:27,221 --> 00:14:27,688
pavilion?
577
00:14:27,689 --> 00:14:28,753
Did you get some snackies?
578
00:14:28,754 --> 00:14:29,288
No, I didn't.
579
00:14:29,288 --> 00:14:29,888
Okay.
580
00:14:29,889 --> 00:14:31,087
Um...
581
00:14:31,088 --> 00:14:31,888
Here we go.
582
00:14:31,889 --> 00:14:33,120
Did yolanda in the pheasant
583
00:14:33,121 --> 00:14:34,487
department hound you about her
584
00:14:34,488 --> 00:14:35,520
pyramid scheme?
585
00:14:35,521 --> 00:14:35,988
No.
586
00:14:35,988 --> 00:14:36,954
She didn't?
587
00:14:36,955 --> 00:14:38,087
You didn't get approached about
588
00:14:38,088 --> 00:14:38,454
that?
589
00:14:38,455 --> 00:14:39,820
Have a great day. Thank you.
590
00:14:39,821 --> 00:14:41,587
Yolanda.
591
00:14:41,588 --> 00:14:43,553
Uh...
592
00:14:43,554 --> 00:14:45,153
Um, how m...
593
00:14:45,154 --> 00:14:46,553
Oh.
594
00:14:46,554 --> 00:14:47,654
Um...
595
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:50,887
Um, out of all the animals in
596
00:14:50,888 --> 00:14:52,620
the immediate area, who would
597
00:14:52,621 --> 00:14:54,253
you most like to dry-hump?
598
00:14:54,254 --> 00:14:56,253
Oh, my god!
599
00:14:56,254 --> 00:14:56,821
Seriously?
600
00:14:56,821 --> 00:14:57,754
Yeah, it's right there.
601
00:14:57,755 --> 00:14:58,853
That's what they write for me on
602
00:14:58,854 --> 00:14:59,854
these, and I just have to make
603
00:14:59,854 --> 00:15:00,388
sure.
604
00:15:00,389 --> 00:15:01,587
None!
605
00:15:01,588 --> 00:15:02,588
None-ski.
606
00:15:03,988 --> 00:15:05,253
Narrator: Opposable thumbs
607
00:15:05,254 --> 00:15:06,620
down for sal, so he's tied with
608
00:15:06,621 --> 00:15:08,588
Joe as tonight's big loser.
609
00:15:15,554 --> 00:15:16,687
Joe and sal lost!
610
00:15:16,688 --> 00:15:18,120
So, for their punishment,
611
00:15:18,121 --> 00:15:19,653
they're the opening act for the
612
00:15:19,654 --> 00:15:21,120
imagine dragons concert!
613
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:21,754
Yeah!
614
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:22,754
Right here.
615
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:23,887
You're opening for them!
616
00:15:23,888 --> 00:15:24,953
I'm so nervous for you right
617
00:15:24,954 --> 00:15:25,321
now.
618
00:15:25,322 --> 00:15:26,387
At Jones beach in front of
619
00:15:26,388 --> 00:15:27,720
14,000 people!
620
00:15:27,721 --> 00:15:28,721
They don't know their band
621
00:15:28,721 --> 00:15:29,121
name.
622
00:15:29,122 --> 00:15:30,187
They don't know the names of the
623
00:15:30,188 --> 00:15:31,287
songs they have to sing until we
624
00:15:31,288 --> 00:15:31,954
give it to them.
625
00:15:31,955 --> 00:15:33,120
We don't even know how to
626
00:15:33,121 --> 00:15:33,921
play instruments!
627
00:15:33,921 --> 00:15:34,854
Oh, that's right.
628
00:15:34,855 --> 00:15:36,153
And we dressed you like this, so
629
00:15:36,154 --> 00:15:38,387
you're gonna have a great show!
630
00:15:38,388 --> 00:15:39,720
Is that a leotard?
631
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:40,721
What is that?
632
00:15:41,688 --> 00:15:43,153
All right, get out there!
633
00:15:43,154 --> 00:15:44,121
Hit the stage!
634
00:15:44,122 --> 00:15:45,587
I can't even watch this.
635
00:15:45,588 --> 00:15:46,588
I feel sick.
636
00:15:46,589 --> 00:15:49,720
Ladies and gentlemen, get on
637
00:15:49,721 --> 00:15:51,487
your feet.
638
00:15:51,488 --> 00:15:53,187
Brace yourselves for the
639
00:15:53,188 --> 00:15:55,253
greatest live band you've never
640
00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:56,820
seen.
641
00:15:56,821 --> 00:15:59,820
Are you ready for...
642
00:15:59,821 --> 00:16:04,121
Señora lanza?!
643
00:16:06,088 --> 00:16:07,088
Señora lanza, get out there.
644
00:16:07,088 --> 00:16:07,854
Señora lanza.
645
00:16:07,855 --> 00:16:09,120
That's our Spanish teacher in
646
00:16:09,121 --> 00:16:09,721
high school.
647
00:16:09,722 --> 00:16:11,553
Get out there, señora lanza!
648
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:12,920
Señora lanza!
649
00:16:12,921 --> 00:16:14,153
I'm so nervous for them.
650
00:16:14,154 --> 00:16:15,121
Where do I go?
651
00:16:15,121 --> 00:16:16,121
Where do I go?
652
00:16:17,254 --> 00:16:18,420
Look at Joe!
653
00:16:18,421 --> 00:16:21,088
There's so many drums.
654
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:31,554
Oh me, man.
655
00:16:34,088 --> 00:16:35,321
How you doing?
656
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,287
All right, very cool.
657
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:39,853
We are very happy to be here...
658
00:16:39,854 --> 00:16:40,821
"opening for
659
00:16:40,822 --> 00:16:41,853
imagination dragon."
660
00:16:41,854 --> 00:16:43,087
opening for the
661
00:16:43,088 --> 00:16:44,888
imagination dragons.
662
00:16:47,388 --> 00:16:48,720
The imagination dragons?
663
00:16:48,721 --> 00:16:49,521
I got it wrong.
664
00:16:49,522 --> 00:16:50,854
Imagine dragons.
665
00:16:52,388 --> 00:16:52,954
Uh...
666
00:16:52,954 --> 00:16:53,688
All right.
667
00:16:53,689 --> 00:16:55,120
I put in your pants pocket a
668
00:16:55,121 --> 00:16:56,220
dedication for the set.
669
00:16:56,221 --> 00:16:57,320
Open it up and read it.
670
00:16:57,321 --> 00:16:58,520
Before we start, guys, I just
671
00:16:58,521 --> 00:16:59,521
wrote a very, very special
672
00:16:59,521 --> 00:17:00,121
dedication.
673
00:17:00,121 --> 00:17:00,554
Yep.
674
00:17:00,554 --> 00:17:01,554
And I hope you guys
675
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,354
appreciate it.
676
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,787
The dedication goes like this.
677
00:17:03,788 --> 00:17:05,320
Guys, we'd like to dedicate this
678
00:17:05,321 --> 00:17:06,521
set to the people... oh.
679
00:17:07,654 --> 00:17:10,588
To the people of Pittsburgh.
680
00:17:12,854 --> 00:17:13,953
We're in long island!
681
00:17:13,954 --> 00:17:15,220
They were the best audience
682
00:17:15,221 --> 00:17:17,087
we ever played for.
683
00:17:17,088 --> 00:17:18,987
We can already tell you guys
684
00:17:18,988 --> 00:17:20,920
aren't gonna be... Nearly as
685
00:17:20,921 --> 00:17:21,953
good.
686
00:17:21,954 --> 00:17:23,187
"You're no... you're not
687
00:17:23,188 --> 00:17:23,854
Pittsburgh."
688
00:17:23,855 --> 00:17:24,987
You're no Pittsburgh.
689
00:17:24,988 --> 00:17:26,088
That's right.
690
00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:28,921
All right, so...
691
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:29,987
"We're gonna play a few songs
692
00:17:29,988 --> 00:17:30,821
from our upcoming album."
693
00:17:30,822 --> 00:17:31,887
We're gonna play a few songs
694
00:17:31,888 --> 00:17:32,688
from our upcoming album.
695
00:17:32,688 --> 00:17:33,688
"We're gonna play 'look,
696
00:17:33,689 --> 00:17:35,453
mommy, I'm a rock star.'"
697
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:36,454
oh, boy.
698
00:17:36,454 --> 00:17:37,288
All right.
699
00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:38,953
This is... this is one of our
700
00:17:38,954 --> 00:17:39,954
favorites.
701
00:17:50,554 --> 00:17:52,553
♪ When I was a boy
702
00:17:52,554 --> 00:17:54,520
♪ I was real young
703
00:17:54,521 --> 00:17:56,253
♪ I was lookin' bad
704
00:17:56,254 --> 00:17:57,121
♪ and I said
705
00:17:57,121 --> 00:17:58,088
♪ son of a gun
706
00:17:58,089 --> 00:18:00,320
♪ I said, "look, mommy,
707
00:18:00,321 --> 00:18:01,753
I'm a rock star" ♪
708
00:18:01,754 --> 00:18:02,388
♪ rock star
709
00:18:02,389 --> 00:18:04,153
♪ I said, "look, mommy,
710
00:18:04,154 --> 00:18:05,887
I'm a rock star" ♪
711
00:18:05,888 --> 00:18:07,287
let me ask you something...
712
00:18:07,288 --> 00:18:08,487
How badly does he suck out
713
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:08,888
there?
714
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:09,821
It's probably...
715
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,087
It's worse than I imagined.
716
00:18:11,088 --> 00:18:11,888
It's worse than I
717
00:18:11,888 --> 00:18:12,721
imagination dragoned.
718
00:18:12,721 --> 00:18:13,554
Yeah, yeah.
719
00:18:13,555 --> 00:18:15,553
♪ I said, "look, mommy,
720
00:18:15,554 --> 00:18:17,387
I'm a rock star" ♪
721
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:18,488
let's go!
722
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:27,153
"All right, the next song
723
00:18:27,154 --> 00:18:28,553
from our album is a cappella."
724
00:18:28,554 --> 00:18:29,853
The next song from our album
725
00:18:29,854 --> 00:18:31,087
is a cappella.
726
00:18:31,088 --> 00:18:32,120
"And the name of it is
727
00:18:32,121 --> 00:18:33,620
'shut your face, grandma.'"
728
00:18:33,621 --> 00:18:34,787
the name of it is
729
00:18:34,788 --> 00:18:36,254
"shut your face, grandma."
730
00:18:40,588 --> 00:18:42,153
♪ bum, bum bom
731
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:43,453
♪ she's my grandma
732
00:18:43,454 --> 00:18:44,887
♪ she's my grandma
733
00:18:44,888 --> 00:18:47,287
♪ and she doesn't shut her
734
00:18:47,288 --> 00:18:47,954
trap ♪
735
00:18:47,955 --> 00:18:50,587
♪ she doesn't shut her trap
736
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:53,220
♪ I take it for five minutes
737
00:18:53,221 --> 00:18:55,787
♪ but after six, I say
738
00:18:55,788 --> 00:18:58,487
♪ shut your face, grandma
739
00:18:58,488 --> 00:19:01,453
♪ shut your face
740
00:19:01,454 --> 00:19:04,120
♪ shut your face, grandma
741
00:19:04,121 --> 00:19:05,953
♪ shut your face
742
00:19:05,954 --> 00:19:07,954
shut your face, grandma!
743
00:19:09,154 --> 00:19:12,253
They're so upset.
744
00:19:12,254 --> 00:19:13,553
Yell out "drum solo" at the top
745
00:19:13,554 --> 00:19:14,221
of your lungs.
746
00:19:14,222 --> 00:19:15,254
Drum solo!
747
00:19:20,154 --> 00:19:21,220
Say it again.
748
00:19:21,221 --> 00:19:23,421
Drum solo!
749
00:19:26,654 --> 00:19:28,187
Start trying to do the worm!
750
00:19:28,188 --> 00:19:29,188
Try to do the worm.
751
00:19:29,189 --> 00:19:30,253
Oh me, man.
752
00:19:30,254 --> 00:19:32,288
No way.
753
00:19:38,088 --> 00:19:39,287
I got your back, buddy!
754
00:19:39,288 --> 00:19:44,787
I'm giving you a beat!
755
00:19:44,788 --> 00:19:46,153
Try to stage dive!
756
00:19:46,154 --> 00:19:47,487
Oh, no!
757
00:19:47,488 --> 00:19:48,787
Look at sal.
758
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,288
Oh, my gosh!
759
00:19:51,721 --> 00:19:53,087
Stage dive!
760
00:19:53,088 --> 00:19:54,453
Stage dive into the crowd!
761
00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:55,454
Go, go, go!
762
00:19:59,554 --> 00:20:01,754
Thank you, and good night!
763
00:20:02,854 --> 00:20:03,894
That was a train wreck.
41928
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