Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up, what's

got Joe and murr bumping and

grinding?

Yeah!

Narrator: Do the jokers have

too much on their plates?

Potatoes flying everywhere!

Narrator: And the most

surprising punishment ever.

It's Rosie O'Donnell!

Today, we're teaming up at

melody lanes in Brooklyn.

Hitting pins and taking frames.

While interacting with the

other turkeys, we'll have to do

and say what the other team

tells us.

If you refuse to do or say

anything, you're in the gutter.

Could you guys spare me the

bowling puns?

I made one, too!

Yahtzee!

Just like old times.

Yep.

You know, Joe and I were on

the bowling team together in

high school.

Want to go out there and take

their lunch money.

Hey, man.

Here we go.

Oh, wow.

These look like bowlers with

no Patience for men like Murray

and Joe.

See if they want appletinis.

So, do you guys want a round

of appletinis?

Murr, when his ball comes

back out, grab it first and

smell it.

What's that?

Sorry. I was just smelling that

one.

Sorry about that.

Just to see what it smells

like.

Yeah.

When Murray goes, trash-talk

him, but, like, crazy

inappropriate.

You suck.

Gutter ball.

Gutter ball. You suck.

Your mother's a whore.

Works every time.

Celebrate like crazy.

Murr, back him up.

Both: Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

You saw that nine?!

Yeah! Yeah!

You saw that nine?!

You saw that nine!

Yeah!

Sit down on the Lane and

massage each other's feet.

Yeah, exactly what you're

thinking is what I want you

to do.

A double... a double massage.

It's a double foot massage.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

You really got to work on the

7-10 split.

Yeah.

These guys are

getting so uncomfortable, man.

Have you guys seen the

waitress?

We're still waiting on our

appletinis.

Do I just bowl?

You can either bowl or go

hunt a gazelle.

Whatever you want to do with

that shirt.

Sal, don't let him get too close

to your panda shirt.

He might attack.

You look like fat Tarzan.

How you doing, guys?

All right, fellas, we want

you to European kiss after every

turn you bowl.

So, like the two cheeks?

Yeah.

Hey! All right!

All right!

Both: Hey! Mwah! Mwah!

Yeah!

They all... they all just

looked at you.

Do it again.

Aww! I thought you would've

picked that up.

It's all right, it's all right.

Both: Mwah! Mwah!

Mwah! Mwah!

Okay, now, sal, he just

bowled, so give him a European

kiss.

Hey!

Mwah!

Yeah.

Mwah!

Sal, bowl like a lady, buddy.

A proper woman.

Oh, my god.

This is hard to watch.

Walk back with attitude.

Girlfriend.

Come on! Come on!

Oh, he missed it.

Sal, give him a hug... a long

hug.

Sorry, bud.

Hold that embrace.

Sal, start petting q's mane.

Start petting his mane.

They're all staring!

Now big break... say, "okay,

let's go!"

All right, let's go.

I'm stewing in the

humiliation.

Q, when this guy reaches for

the ball, grab his hand.

Look him in the eye and say,

"hey."

Hey.

"You're a hell of a bowler."

You're a hell of a bowler.

"For a woman."

For...

you're a hell of a bowler.

Boom!

Sorry.

I was looking him in the eyes.

Two turkeys!

That's what you are.

Your nickname should be

gutter ball.

Narrator: Q and sal are in a

league of their own on the loser

board.

You guys ever enter a

tournament?

I was in a karate tournament.

What? You?

I didn't know that!

I was in grade school.

I got eliminated first round.

I always wanted to take

karate.

My parents wouldn't let me.

My mother was afraid I was gonna

break my nose.

Ironically, I got my nose broke

in a fight because I couldn't

defend myself.

We're here at redd's restaurant

and bar, adding food to people's

plates.

Armed with this bowl of

mashed potatoes, the goal is to

dole out as many scoops as

possible until you're asked to

stop.

Whoever serves the fewest

scoops loses.

Important note... we don't

work here, and they didn't order

potatoes!

But they're gonna get them!

All right, bud, go get them.

Let's serve up some potatoes.

I'll tell you what... i'm

really nervous.

They just got their food.

You're just a grown man

holding a bowl of potatoes.

1, 2, potatoes.

Here he goes.

With the potatoes.

You're gonna want to share them,

but you don't have to.

They're mashed.

Right there is where you want

to go.

Look at her, look at her.

Knock knock.

Potatoes.

Oh! Whoa!

Here's some.

Thank you.

I don't wo... I don't...

I don't work here.

No.

No, wait! They're handing it

back!

You left her holding her

plate up.

I didn't think he was gonna

get that many scoops.

Ha!

This is... I'm really

nervous.

It's terrifying when you're down

here with 8 pounds of potatoes.

Good luck beating all my

scoops, buddy.

Oh, my god.

You're coming out of the gate

with a lot of scoops.

Unh!

Hey, guys, I'm... I'm sorry

to interrupt.

I'm sitting at the table just

around the way and somebody's

blocking my car.

I have a gray Honda civic.

Murr doesn't base anything on

the truth.

He's never owned a car.

The car that's blocking me is

like... it's like a volkswa...

Like an s.U.V.

Does anybody have one?

No.

Are you guys driving an

s.u.v.?

It was parked, like, right

there.

Oh, the distracted.

I don't even understand the

approach here.

Like, just sneak scoops?

Sir, what kind of car do you

have back there?

What? A sonata.

Did you park in the main lot

over there?

This guy is horrified.

What? The side.

You went over to the side

lot?

That's not gonna get him a

lot of scoops.

That's gonna get him a couple

sneak scoops.

This guy is...

what kind of car did you

drive over?

Guys?

They're ignoring him!

They're actually ignoring him!

What kind of car did you

drive?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

There's no worries.

I'm sorry.

Here's the scoop, murr...

You're done!

You know, it's really nice of

redd's, with their food for the

homeless program they're doing

with the big bowls of mashed

potatoes.

I'm dressed exactly like sal.

I mean, you're wearing the

same outfit, you both have a

beard, you both have a good head

of hair, but somehow you still

look homeless.

It's actually weird because

you and Joe dress alike and you

look like an

hey, guys.

I got the cure for what ails

you.

Potatoes.

That's every potato in the bowl

out right there.

Q, it's how many scoops you

put!

It's not you lose all the

potatoes!

It's how many scoops!

Oh

That's one scoop!

Nice plan

so, uh, guys, what are we

doing here?

Scoopin' potatoes, buddy.

No, no, no.

There's your mistake.

Let's scoopski potatoes.

Is that Italian?

"Scoopsy potatoes"?

Scoopski.

Why is he so confident?

Whenever he makes up words, I

get scared.

♪ Scoopski potatoes

unh!

♪ Scoopski potatoes

♪ scoopski potatoes

ah, ah!

♪ Scoopski potatoes

bang!

♪ Scoopski potato

♪ scoopski p...

Aah! Boom!

♪ Scoopski potatoes

♪ scoopski potatoes

♪ scoopski potatoes

♪ scoopski potatoes

♪ scoopski potatoes

bang!

There's potato flying

everywhere.

♪ Scoopski potatoes

unh!

♪ You want the scoopski

♪ you've got potatoes

♪ you want the scoopski

♪ you got potatoes

the trick is to make them

laugh so they don't care.

Where's it going?!

Scoopski pota...

Aah! Ohh!

Ehh! Ohh!

♪ Scoopski potatoes

♪ who wants scoopskies?

♪ I got potatoes

♪ who got the scoopskies?

♪ I got potatoes

Scoopski potatoes!

Oh, my god!

That's... that's the taste of

victory right there.

Narrator: Q's big scoop is

small potatoes, so he's eating

up the loser board.

What do you guys see in the

clouds?

I see your mom.

Oh!

Got him again!

It's not cool, guys.

Today, we're cloud-watching

in central park.

We have to go up to strangers

and tell them what we see in the

clouds.

The catch is, what we see

will be given to us by the other

guys.

If you can't get the person

to admit that they see what you

see, you lose.

You see that cloud right

there?

Doesn't that look like something

to you?

For me, this one right here,

this cloud?

Looks like a hooker with a

heart of bronze.

Looks like a, uh...

Uh, it looks like a hooker with

a heart of bronze.

You know?

Like, she's made some mistakes,

you know?

But she's on her way back.

Like she might not take all the

stuff from the nightstand, but

she might take like $5 for gas.

Yeah, yeah...

Hey, uh...

You didn't even ask her if

she saw it, you dope?

Didn't even play the game

right.

She just walked away thinking

you're some weird guy that saw,

in a cloud, a hooker with a

heart of bronze.

I forgot to ask her.

Sit next to white pants.

You see the cloud right

there?

Do you think that looks like

anything at all?

I do. I see a...

A delicious hole.

It means nothing, but it

sounds like it does.

Nothing and everything at the

same time.

It looks like a delicious

hole.

Do you see it?

"Nope. Ready? We're out."

On my list of activities that

I would do on any given day,

cloud-watching is the absolute

last thing that I would ever do.

I get it.

It's like a... it's like an

imagination thing.

I can imagine everything q

sees is, like, beer, shot of

whiskey.

Redhead.

Can I ask your opinion on

something?

You see that cloud right there?

Does that look like anything to

you?

'Cause to me, it looks like...

Your real hair color.

Oh, my god!

You're a genius.

Oh, my god!

Oh, yeah?

To me, it looks like a giant

thumbs-down.

Just like a giant thumbs-down in

the sky.

Yeah.

Guys, what does that look

like to you?

That cloud up there?

Yeah, you see that one floating

by?

See, to me...

It looks like a bunch of

shirtless 3rd-graders.

To me...

To me...

It looks like a bunch of

shirtless 3rd-graders.

Oh, my god.

Yeah, right up there.

"There's tad right there."

You got tad, Christopher,

Dalton with no shirts.

I mean, do you guys see it?

You don't know the half of it.

Right here.

Plaid shirt, pink jacket.

Wow.

Guys, see those clouds passing

by right here?

To me, it looks just like...

"My father telling me I'm a

failure."

It looks just like my father

telling me I'm a failure.

To me, every single cloud looks

like that.

Every tree...

The laughter of children.

Just reminds me of my father

thinking I'm a failure.

You see it on the cloud?

Is it obvious when you look at

me?

Okay, nice to meet you.

Right now, your father was

right, buddy.

That's failure.

Oh.

Want me to help you?

Is it your first time to the

fountain, or...?

Yeah.

I come down here for the

cloud-watching.

What's that cloud look like to

you?

You see that little one right in

the middle?

A fish laughing?

You know what it looks like

to me?

Two mattresses having a

pillow fight.

It looks like two mattresses

having a pillow fight.

That's a good one.

That is a good one, right?

Do you see it?

Maybe.

Maybe?

Oh, it's a maybe.

No, no, no.

That's not a yes.

"It's a maybe."

Gonna need a yes or no-ski.

If you look at the whole thing,

it actually looks like...

An NBA locker room.

Yeah.

Uh, an NBA locker room.

That's not a dragon, no, no.

That tail sticking down is

Shaq's dong.

"The little one"!

Yeah, it must have got cold

in there.

"Oh, my god!

There's dreadlock Jesus!"

Oh

Dreadlock Jesus.

See this? Right here.

It's Jesus but with dreadlocks.

Uh-huh.

So, like, when he's, like,

multiplying the loaves, he's

just doing this first.

Right?

Do you see it?

Oh-ho-ho!

Narrator: It's cloudy skies

for q.

He's tonight's big loser.

Q lost, and he's great at

losing.

But he is terrible at

science.

Wait. What?

So, inside waiting for him is

a room full of science

enthusiasts.

And we've prepared a

presentation for him, titled

"the future of science &

technology."

Wait. I thought you guys were

dressing me up like a butcher.

Oh, you're gonna butcher

this.

That's a scientific fact, Jack.

Hello.

Welcome, and thank you for

coming.

Quinndustries, "the future of

science & technology."

I'm Brian Quinn... phd, of

course, in technology at

Cornell university.

Okay, here we go.

"Examples of recent

breakthroughs."

Acceleration of quantum

computing.

Got to love that quantum

computing.

Non-invasive genome sequencing.

He's trying really hard to

pronounce the words right.

The beginning of the

presentation, he cannot keep up.

"Impending medical

breakthroughs."

This is what I feel is going to

really interest everybody.

Common cold vaccine.

It's coming, and it all comes

down to genome sequencing.

There is no vaccine for that.

I mean, I guess beer?

'Cause if you really want to get

your genome sequence on...

And...

"The state of research."

Now this is interesting.

"Research and experimental

development is formal work which

is undertaken systematically to

increase the stock of knowledge,

including knowledge of humanity,

culture and society, and the use

of this stock of knowledge..."

Write this down.

"to devise new applications

in the corresponding field of

study for the collective

advancement of the

aforementioned knowledge of

humanity, culture, and society.

Uh, Dr. Craig yun, phd.

Great guy, works down the hall

from me, also went to Cornell.

He's a nobel laureate, and that

guy is just cracking away at

genome sequencing.

Also kind of a dick.

He's a smart dick.

"The future of cloning."

Here we go.

Yes!

Human cloning is possible now.

Quinndustries has successfully

cloned the first human.

There you go, q... the first

human clone.

There's the q-two!

Rosie O'Donnell.

I mean, look...

Introducing the q-two.

Right there.

Look at that vault.

Okay.

Oh.

Technology.

It's Rosie O'Donnell!

Your twin!

Right.

Oh, okay, I see.

Both: Oh, wow.

The q-two, ladies and

gentlemen.

There we go... the, uh...

Cloning, ladies and gentlemen!

Q-two...