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Narrator: Coming up, what
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happens when sal gets in touch
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with his feminine side?
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Narrator: Will murr be the
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next fall guy?
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Jump!
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Oh, my god.
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Narrator: And...
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Gray hoodie, looking good.
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Narrator: What makes q
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snap?
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Today, we're competing
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head-to-head, and the only rule
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is try not to laugh.
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We're at the
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millennium Broadway hotel giving
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presentations on identity theft.
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It's q versus Joe.
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And me versus sal.
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Both: But I wrote his slides.
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Both: And I wrote his slides.
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And we wrote them with the
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express purpose of making each
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other crack up.
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The goal is to get through
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the slides made by your partner
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without laughing.
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Whoever laughs the most
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loses.
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Well, let's get all the
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laughs out now, boys.
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I'm gonna crush you.
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All right, the two gladiators
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have entered the arena.
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Who do you think's gonna win
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this?
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I think Murray's gonna win.
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Why do you think that he's
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gonna win?
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Because you fall down
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laughing at every single thing.
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So, murr wrote all of sal's
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slides.
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And sal wrote all of murr's
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slides.
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My name is James Murray.
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And I'm sal vulcano.
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Today, we're going to give
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you a presentation about
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identity theft.
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Go ahead, sal.
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Okay.
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Most common passwords.
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All right?
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I love you.
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Believe it or not, people think
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they're cute.
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Uh, Donna had it coming.
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You wouldn't think that was
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common.
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Got the smirk.
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But what we did was we...
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That was a crack, not a
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break.
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He's good.
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I don't know who Donna is or
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why she had it coming, but a lot
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of people don't like Donna.
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Murr's up.
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Let's go over some important
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Internet-security terms.
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Computer, of course.
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That is the terminal in which
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you interact with the world.
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Y2k, everyone remembers that.
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And then floppy...
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Oh, hold it. Hold it, murr.
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Floppy dicks.
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Floppy dicks.
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Clearly a
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typo.
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Nice save, murr.
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Trying to
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hold it together, 'cause I
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didn't expect that typo.
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Back to sal.
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Uh, change your password to
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movie puns to stop hackers.
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A few examples.
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"Black to the future."
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Of course, uh, that is based on
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"back to the future."
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"Will he bonk ya in the
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chocolate..."
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There he goes.
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That's a laugh.
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Of course, that's "Willy..."
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Will he?
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Will he bonk ya?
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This is really funny.
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And no one's ever gonna put that
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in, let's be honest.
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Here we go, murr.
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Cd's.
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More like
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"cd's nuts."
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Because cd's aren't secure
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either.
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Sal, you thought that one was
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gonna do it, buddy, but it
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didn't get him.
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People who've, uh... who've
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stolen my identity.
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Now...
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This is an old video we made
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way back in the day.
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And there he goes.
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Oh, sal!
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Point... murr.
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Oh, boy.
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Okay, uh, my personal
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experience with I.D. Theft.
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My identity was stolen while I
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was in Guatemala.
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Uh, my life was actually
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threatened.
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I had to smuggle drugs for a
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kingpin to save my life.
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And there it is.
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It was in my anus.
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Got him!
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Check... sal.
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Well, I mean, where else are
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you gonna put the cocaine?
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It's got to go there.
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Sal.
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I...
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he's peeking at you through
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those balloons.
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Identity
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thieves may be hiding right in
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front of you.
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And you don't even... you don't
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know.
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Cling clang!
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Got him again!
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That was easy.
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Cling clang.
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All right. Murr's up.
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Other ways to lose your
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identitties.
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There's a...
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Now they're out of control.
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Now it's just snowballing.
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Yeah, so, this girl here is
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clearly losing her identitties.
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That is it.
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Murr wins it.
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Wow.
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Well, I knew murr was gonna win.
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Sal can't handle anything.
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Hi.
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How's it going?
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The goal is just not to
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laugh.
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Only q knows the slides that
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Joe has to read, and only Joe
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knows the slides that q has to
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read.
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Thank you so much for coming.
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Uh, we're here talking to you
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guys about identity theft.
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Okay. Here we go.
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Finding problematic websites.
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What do we do on the Internet?
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Could it be this?
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Uh, could it be a fart rocket?
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Um, I mean, you know, this is
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like, "is that what's gonna
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happen to you?"
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Are you gonna get out there and
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are people gonna change this to
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be your profile picture and
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everybody, you know...
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Uh, so...
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Held it. He held it together.
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Fine.
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Oh, wow. Okay. Yep.
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I've successfully protected my
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mother's computer so no one can
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hack and steal her identity.
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Here are some of her recent
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posts to prove it.
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"Just..."
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My mother's funny.
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"Just crop-dusted the
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out of my son."
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Fantastic.
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That's one for Joey.
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"Crab legs for lunch."
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That's my mom.
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I love your mom.
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Yeah. She's great.
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All right, Joe.
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This is how you feel if you
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sleep in a teepee.
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That's a laugh!
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That's how you feel if you
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sleep in a teepee.
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Yeah, what does that have to
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do with identity theft?
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What this has to do with
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identity theft is that this guy
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knows his home address is a
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teepee, so if there's a rent
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charge for an apartment in
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midtown, how did that happen?
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All right. Q's up.
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Don't use open Wi-Fi
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networks.
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People can hack your computer,
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even your webcam.
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To prove it, I hacked my
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partner, Joe's, webcam
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yesterday.
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Here is the video.
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That's another one for q.
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You just sit around your
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apartment naked, huh?
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You were watching, so i'm
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glad that's all you caught.
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Got him.
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Thank you. That's it.
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Q went down.
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Narrator: It's no laughing
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matter for sal and q who both
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land on the loser board.
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Where's the most
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inappropriate place you got the
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giggles?
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Do you remember we went to a
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funeral together, and a guy in
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the audience, during the
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funeral, his cellphone rang, and
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it was "the exorcist" theme song
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ringtone?
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And sal and I... we were crying
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laughing.
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You guys were laughing so
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hard.
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Yeah, that was my grandmother's
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funeral.
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Oh, my...
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I'm so sorry.
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That's okay.
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He should have turned his ringer
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off.
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We're out and about trying to
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get people to guess which famous
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person we think they look like.
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But the thing is, the person
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we're describing doesn't
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actually exist.
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The guys are gonna be giving
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us the details on these cards.
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If you can't get someone to take
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a guess about who we're
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describing, you lose.
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You know who you look like?
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Rosie
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O'Donnell, huh?
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I was gonna say q from
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"impractical jokers."
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All right.
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But now that you mention
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it...
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Got it. I got it.
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Rosie O'Donnell.
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Narrator: It's a
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joker versus joker challenge.
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I got to say something.
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You look... you look like that
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famous guy.
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I can't remember the guy's name.
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It's...
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You look like that R&B singer
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with the abstinence tape.
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What is his name?
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He sounds familiar, though,
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right?
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He's the guy that...
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You misspelled turd.
293
00:07:13,254 --> 00:07:13,821
No, no.
294
00:07:13,821 --> 00:07:14,654
That's with an "I."
295
00:07:14,655 --> 00:07:16,553
He's the guy that coined the
296
00:07:16,554 --> 00:07:18,421
phrase, "yeah, yeah, nah, turd."
297
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:20,520
All the... all the kids... all
298
00:07:20,521 --> 00:07:24,087
the city kids say it.
299
00:07:24,088 --> 00:07:25,187
He's the guy that fondled the
300
00:07:25,188 --> 00:07:26,687
crocodile.
301
00:07:26,688 --> 00:07:28,087
Remember?
302
00:07:28,088 --> 00:07:31,153
He went on vacation...
303
00:07:31,154 --> 00:07:32,187
I'm recalling the details of
304
00:07:32,188 --> 00:07:32,588
this guy.
305
00:07:32,588 --> 00:07:33,554
He sounds familiar, though,
306
00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:35,421
right?
307
00:07:36,388 --> 00:07:38,553
Yeah, yeah, nah, turd.
308
00:07:38,554 --> 00:07:39,521
How about red, murr?
309
00:07:39,522 --> 00:07:40,553
Do you know who you look
310
00:07:40,554 --> 00:07:41,720
like... just like, by the way?
311
00:07:41,721 --> 00:07:42,887
I don't know if you get this at
312
00:07:42,888 --> 00:07:44,087
all, but the name is on
313
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:44,921
the tip of my tongue.
314
00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:45,953
It's the guy... he's super
315
00:07:45,954 --> 00:07:46,321
famous.
316
00:07:46,322 --> 00:07:47,453
He's the boxer with the extra
317
00:07:47,454 --> 00:07:48,587
cartilage.
318
00:07:48,588 --> 00:07:51,187
The super-famous boxer.
319
00:07:51,188 --> 00:07:52,987
You look just like him, dude.
320
00:07:52,988 --> 00:07:54,553
He's the, um... he was the guy
321
00:07:54,554 --> 00:07:56,253
who was found guilty of spanking
322
00:07:56,254 --> 00:07:57,388
and entering.
323
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:01,653
It's on the tip of my tongue.
324
00:08:01,654 --> 00:08:02,887
Wanted to be cremated before
325
00:08:02,888 --> 00:08:03,521
he died, boys.
326
00:08:03,521 --> 00:08:04,521
Befor he died?
327
00:08:04,721 --> 00:08:05,920
He's the guy that wanted to
328
00:08:05,921 --> 00:08:07,953
be cremated before he died.
329
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,087
Do you know the guy I'm talking
330
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:10,088
about?
331
00:08:10,088 --> 00:08:10,721
What's his name?
332
00:08:10,722 --> 00:08:12,088
What's his name?
333
00:08:12,988 --> 00:08:14,187
Well, you look just like him.
334
00:08:14,188 --> 00:08:15,420
The cops are coming down hard
335
00:08:15,421 --> 00:08:16,520
on spanking and entering,
336
00:08:16,521 --> 00:08:17,654
though, so be careful.
337
00:08:19,588 --> 00:08:21,553
Hold on one second. Excuse me.
338
00:08:21,554 --> 00:08:22,820
Who do... you know who you look
339
00:08:22,821 --> 00:08:23,188
like?
340
00:08:23,189 --> 00:08:24,353
Oh, my god.
341
00:08:24,354 --> 00:08:25,653
The famous person... you look
342
00:08:25,654 --> 00:08:27,254
just like, um...
343
00:08:31,188 --> 00:08:32,487
You look like a Princess.
344
00:08:32,488 --> 00:08:33,854
That's who I'm thinking of.
345
00:08:34,621 --> 00:08:35,588
A Princess.
346
00:08:35,588 --> 00:08:36,088
Wow.
347
00:08:36,089 --> 00:08:37,221
I didn't have to get up.
348
00:08:38,354 --> 00:08:39,354
Son of a...
349
00:08:39,821 --> 00:08:41,653
Guys, this person is gonna
350
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,588
give me a name no matter what.
351
00:08:44,521 --> 00:08:45,488
I am gonna get a name.
352
00:08:45,489 --> 00:08:46,953
Go get him, buddy!
353
00:08:46,954 --> 00:08:47,954
Oh, my god.
354
00:08:47,955 --> 00:08:49,220
You... you look just like, uh...
355
00:08:49,221 --> 00:08:49,788
Oh, my god.
356
00:08:49,789 --> 00:08:50,953
You look just like that guy.
357
00:08:50,954 --> 00:08:53,287
Oh, my god.
358
00:08:53,288 --> 00:08:54,721
He looks like a Jewish nun.
359
00:08:57,321 --> 00:08:58,221
Oh, my god.
360
00:08:58,222 --> 00:08:59,720
He gives fruitcakes on
361
00:08:59,721 --> 00:09:01,420
non-holidays.
362
00:09:01,421 --> 00:09:02,553
Like, you know, when you're not
363
00:09:02,554 --> 00:09:03,288
supposed to get it?
364
00:09:03,289 --> 00:09:04,529
He gives it, like, on may 12th.
365
00:09:06,721 --> 00:09:08,321
He broke a window with his junk.
366
00:09:09,088 --> 00:09:10,753
He accidentally... he ran up to
367
00:09:10,754 --> 00:09:12,120
it, and, oh, it was a big
368
00:09:12,121 --> 00:09:13,253
accident.
369
00:09:13,254 --> 00:09:15,553
He funked with Fergie's heart.
370
00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:16,820
No, no, no, no.
371
00:09:16,821 --> 00:09:18,253
He funked with it.
372
00:09:18,254 --> 00:09:19,754
Wh-what's his name?
373
00:09:22,254 --> 00:09:23,720
You should see where he can fit
374
00:09:23,721 --> 00:09:25,687
an eggplant.
375
00:09:25,688 --> 00:09:27,188
Anywhere you thought.
376
00:09:28,154 --> 00:09:31,420
Come on, man up!
377
00:09:31,421 --> 00:09:32,687
He fired his mother for
378
00:09:32,688 --> 00:09:34,321
insubordination.
379
00:09:35,921 --> 00:09:37,387
He was, uh...
380
00:09:37,388 --> 00:09:40,353
What's his name?
381
00:09:40,354 --> 00:09:41,820
Hmm.
382
00:09:41,821 --> 00:09:44,388
You got $5?
383
00:09:45,354 --> 00:09:46,687
None of this is ringing a bell?
384
00:09:46,688 --> 00:09:47,953
'Cause I feel like I've given
385
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:51,087
you a lot to work with.
386
00:09:51,088 --> 00:09:51,654
Donald Trump!
387
00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:52,853
That's who I'm talking about.
388
00:09:52,854 --> 00:09:53,788
It's Donald Trump!
389
00:09:53,789 --> 00:09:54,920
I worked for that
390
00:09:54,921 --> 00:09:55,854
all right, Donald.
391
00:09:55,855 --> 00:09:56,920
Take care of yourself.
392
00:09:56,921 --> 00:09:57,754
He earned it.
393
00:09:57,755 --> 00:09:59,087
He earned it like I've never
394
00:09:59,088 --> 00:10:00,353
seen him earn anything ever.
395
00:10:00,354 --> 00:10:01,354
That's how you do it.
396
00:10:02,454 --> 00:10:03,587
Narrator: Looks like all that
397
00:10:03,588 --> 00:10:06,020
murr earned was a loss.
398
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:07,021
This is a cage full of
399
00:10:07,021 --> 00:10:07,554
challenges.
400
00:10:07,555 --> 00:10:08,653
These are paddles with our
401
00:10:08,654 --> 00:10:09,288
names on them.
402
00:10:09,289 --> 00:10:10,487
We're gonna pick a challenge
403
00:10:10,488 --> 00:10:11,620
at random and then vote on who
404
00:10:11,621 --> 00:10:12,987
has to do it.
405
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,420
If you can't complete the
406
00:10:14,421 --> 00:10:15,920
task you were voted to do, you
407
00:10:15,921 --> 00:10:17,687
lose!
408
00:10:17,688 --> 00:10:19,521
What do you want from us?
409
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,020
All right. Here we go, boys.
410
00:10:24,021 --> 00:10:25,653
Could be you.
411
00:10:25,654 --> 00:10:26,953
Could be you.
412
00:10:26,954 --> 00:10:28,787
It says "kiss your own two
413
00:10:28,788 --> 00:10:30,620
fingers and then get someone
414
00:10:30,621 --> 00:10:31,921
else to kiss them."
415
00:10:32,421 --> 00:10:33,621
Those are wet. Don't touch me.
416
00:10:34,054 --> 00:10:35,853
Time to vote-ski.
417
00:10:35,854 --> 00:10:36,654
Ready?
418
00:10:36,655 --> 00:10:39,454
All: One, two, three.
419
00:10:42,788 --> 00:10:43,853
Q, how about that couple
420
00:10:43,854 --> 00:10:44,488
sitting down?
421
00:10:44,489 --> 00:10:45,553
Yeah, why don't you go ruin
422
00:10:45,554 --> 00:10:46,054
their day?
423
00:10:46,554 --> 00:10:47,188
Excuse me?
424
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,287
Do you have, like, a penny or
425
00:10:48,288 --> 00:10:49,353
something I could toss in the
426
00:10:49,354 --> 00:10:50,288
fountain to make a wish?
427
00:10:50,289 --> 00:10:51,353
I came all the way here, and
428
00:10:51,354 --> 00:10:52,487
I-I...
429
00:10:52,488 --> 00:10:53,154
Oh, man.
430
00:10:53,155 --> 00:10:55,320
Thank you so much.
431
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,953
And now comes the awkward
432
00:10:56,954 --> 00:10:57,421
part.
433
00:10:57,421 --> 00:10:58,388
I'm glad I don't have to do
434
00:10:58,388 --> 00:10:58,688
this.
435
00:10:58,688 --> 00:10:59,621
We should make him go every
436
00:10:59,621 --> 00:11:00,621
turn.
437
00:11:00,821 --> 00:11:02,620
Oh, my god. Yes. Yes.
438
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:03,388
All hands in?
439
00:11:03,388 --> 00:11:04,288
All hands in.
440
00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:05,221
Q every time?
441
00:11:05,222 --> 00:11:07,320
Whoa... bonding!
442
00:11:07,321 --> 00:11:08,453
Turn's almost over.
443
00:11:08,454 --> 00:11:09,587
You know what the best thing
444
00:11:09,588 --> 00:11:10,720
to do is, like, seal it with a
445
00:11:10,721 --> 00:11:13,921
kiss, you know?
446
00:11:19,321 --> 00:11:20,288
"I'm good."
447
00:11:20,289 --> 00:11:22,087
This is an important wish.
448
00:11:22,088 --> 00:11:25,087
Just saying.
449
00:11:25,088 --> 00:11:26,221
Oh, got it! He got it!
450
00:11:26,921 --> 00:11:28,387
Son of a... I'm impressed, q.
451
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,787
Let's hope you keep that streak
452
00:11:29,788 --> 00:11:30,121
up.
453
00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:31,821
Wait. What was that?
454
00:11:32,988 --> 00:11:34,487
All right.
455
00:11:34,488 --> 00:11:37,553
"While sensually grunting, take
456
00:11:37,554 --> 00:11:39,454
five pictures of a person."
457
00:11:40,454 --> 00:11:43,554
One, two, three.
458
00:11:45,088 --> 00:11:45,654
All right.
459
00:11:45,655 --> 00:11:46,987
All right, there you go, boy.
460
00:11:46,988 --> 00:11:48,321
We got you a nice little camera.
461
00:11:49,488 --> 00:11:53,520
Oh, yeah. 16 megapixels.
462
00:11:53,521 --> 00:11:54,853
How about the pair of hoodies
463
00:11:54,854 --> 00:11:55,854
on the fountain?
464
00:11:59,221 --> 00:12:01,587
They both just looked up.
465
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:02,221
One.
466
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,287
That's one.
467
00:12:03,288 --> 00:12:04,653
This is so weird.
468
00:12:04,654 --> 00:12:05,821
Looking good.
469
00:12:07,521 --> 00:12:09,188
Two.
470
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:11,153
You have no idea how
471
00:12:11,154 --> 00:12:12,288
hard this is.
472
00:12:15,254 --> 00:12:16,221
Yeah, that's it.
473
00:12:16,222 --> 00:12:17,788
That's the stuff.
474
00:12:18,688 --> 00:12:19,688
Yeah, three.
475
00:12:22,154 --> 00:12:23,154
Four.
476
00:12:24,821 --> 00:12:30,088
One more, q.
477
00:12:30,821 --> 00:12:33,221
Gray hoodie, looking good.
478
00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:36,921
"Stop, please."
479
00:12:36,921 --> 00:12:37,688
"Stop, please."
480
00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:39,354
That was five.
481
00:12:40,388 --> 00:12:41,188
Your turn to spin, q.
482
00:12:41,189 --> 00:12:42,487
All right, buddy.
483
00:12:42,488 --> 00:12:43,620
You're not gonna spin?
484
00:12:43,621 --> 00:12:44,887
I'll just go out there and
485
00:12:44,888 --> 00:12:45,888
get this started.
486
00:12:47,521 --> 00:12:48,820
I wasn't even gonna vote for
487
00:12:48,821 --> 00:12:49,953
him, to be fair.
488
00:12:49,954 --> 00:12:51,120
Don't even start that.
489
00:12:51,121 --> 00:12:52,353
It's "unzip someone's fly."
490
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:53,088
Oh, I lied.
491
00:12:53,089 --> 00:12:54,320
I would have voted for you.
492
00:12:54,321 --> 00:12:55,653
This is possibly one of the
493
00:12:55,654 --> 00:12:56,953
most difficult things he ever
494
00:12:56,954 --> 00:12:57,821
had to do... ever.
495
00:12:57,821 --> 00:12:58,688
Oh, definitely.
496
00:12:58,689 --> 00:12:59,887
This is not how this is
497
00:12:59,888 --> 00:13:00,821
supposed to work.
498
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:01,754
No, it's perfect.
499
00:13:01,754 --> 00:13:02,454
You got it, bud.
500
00:13:02,455 --> 00:13:03,687
It's four friends from high
501
00:13:03,688 --> 00:13:04,688
school...
502
00:13:05,154 --> 00:13:06,420
Who torture each other.
503
00:13:06,421 --> 00:13:07,687
If I do this, you're all
504
00:13:07,688 --> 00:13:08,521
getting punished.
505
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,254
You got it.
506
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,487
Listen, unzip the fly.
507
00:13:10,488 --> 00:13:11,820
We'll all get punished except
508
00:13:11,821 --> 00:13:12,188
you.
509
00:13:12,189 --> 00:13:13,553
Look at this.
510
00:13:13,554 --> 00:13:15,553
"Unzip someone's fly."
511
00:13:15,554 --> 00:13:16,788
Isn't that weird?
512
00:13:17,788 --> 00:13:18,953
That's a weird thing to find,
513
00:13:18,954 --> 00:13:19,554
like, just...
514
00:13:19,555 --> 00:13:20,587
It was just on the ground.
515
00:13:20,588 --> 00:13:22,621
It says, "unzip someone's fly."
516
00:13:24,621 --> 00:13:25,554
How you doing, buddy?
517
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:26,720
You need help with that zipper?
518
00:13:26,721 --> 00:13:27,820
Nothing has to happen between
519
00:13:27,821 --> 00:13:28,088
us.
520
00:13:28,089 --> 00:13:29,853
It's just two dudes unzipping
521
00:13:29,854 --> 00:13:30,788
each other's...
522
00:13:30,789 --> 00:13:32,487
why is he unzipping your fly?
523
00:13:32,488 --> 00:13:34,121
Oh, yeah. That's actually...
524
00:13:35,254 --> 00:13:37,720
All right, hey, have a good day.
525
00:13:37,721 --> 00:13:38,887
All right, I don't know what's
526
00:13:38,888 --> 00:13:39,321
going on.
527
00:13:39,322 --> 00:13:40,553
This is a lot of pressure today.
528
00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:41,388
Right behind you.
529
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,088
Right behind you.
530
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:46,654
There you go. Boom.
531
00:13:47,288 --> 00:13:48,420
What's this?
532
00:13:48,421 --> 00:13:50,887
What's this?
533
00:13:50,888 --> 00:13:52,620
Did you drop this?
534
00:13:52,621 --> 00:13:54,120
No? What is it?
535
00:13:54,121 --> 00:13:56,254
Let's find out together.
536
00:13:57,721 --> 00:14:00,288
"Unzip someone's fly"?
537
00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:07,853
No way. No way.
538
00:14:07,854 --> 00:14:08,953
Yeah, I'll unzip your fly.
539
00:14:08,954 --> 00:14:10,087
I don't want to do it any more
540
00:14:10,088 --> 00:14:11,253
than you, but if you just let me
541
00:14:11,254 --> 00:14:12,887
do it...
542
00:14:12,888 --> 00:14:14,753
He's got a button fly.
543
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:15,654
Oh, no.
544
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,121
No way. No way.
545
00:14:18,288 --> 00:14:20,887
Oh, my god!
546
00:14:20,888 --> 00:14:22,253
Oh!
547
00:14:22,254 --> 00:14:23,553
You are unbeatable, man.
548
00:14:23,554 --> 00:14:24,687
Narrator: Murr, Joe, and
549
00:14:24,688 --> 00:14:26,087
sal's plan backfired, so
550
00:14:26,088 --> 00:14:27,553
they're all tonight's big
551
00:14:27,554 --> 00:14:30,520
losers.
552
00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:32,087
The three of you lost, and
553
00:14:32,088 --> 00:14:33,720
now you're about to jump off a
554
00:14:33,721 --> 00:14:34,688
damn cliff!
555
00:14:34,689 --> 00:14:36,321
Welcome, boys, to q falls!
556
00:14:37,221 --> 00:14:38,088
Oh, god.
557
00:14:38,089 --> 00:14:39,787
I was gonna do something a
558
00:14:39,788 --> 00:14:41,453
lot less dangerous, but the
559
00:14:41,454 --> 00:14:42,887
three of youse conspired against
560
00:14:42,888 --> 00:14:43,221
me.
561
00:14:43,222 --> 00:14:44,653
It was definitely a mistake,
562
00:14:44,654 --> 00:14:45,088
yeah.
563
00:14:45,089 --> 00:14:46,320
Fellas, the alliance has
564
00:14:46,321 --> 00:14:47,321
fallen.
565
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,453
You reap what you sow, my
566
00:14:49,454 --> 00:14:49,954
friends.
567
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,288
Yeah, it was murr's idea.
568
00:14:51,721 --> 00:14:52,621
No, no, no, no.
569
00:14:52,622 --> 00:14:53,653
It's getting real.
570
00:14:53,654 --> 00:14:54,654
No. No! No!
571
00:14:55,188 --> 00:14:56,520
Today, we are gonna figure
572
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,220
out which one of you three is my
573
00:14:58,221 --> 00:14:58,988
best friend.
574
00:14:58,989 --> 00:15:00,753
I'm gonna be asking you a series
575
00:15:00,754 --> 00:15:02,187
of questions about myself.
576
00:15:02,188 --> 00:15:03,753
Each wrong answer moves you up a
577
00:15:03,754 --> 00:15:04,754
spot.
578
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,387
Until we're out of spots?
579
00:15:06,388 --> 00:15:07,620
You've got to the red.
580
00:15:07,621 --> 00:15:09,087
You'd better answer every one
581
00:15:09,088 --> 00:15:10,387
right, 'cause two of you are
582
00:15:10,388 --> 00:15:11,388
going over...
583
00:15:11,888 --> 00:15:13,387
and one of you remains up
584
00:15:13,388 --> 00:15:14,420
here as my best friend.
585
00:15:14,421 --> 00:15:15,687
Let's see who's been paying
586
00:15:15,688 --> 00:15:16,787
attention all these years.
587
00:15:16,788 --> 00:15:17,820
That's it. That's it.
588
00:15:17,821 --> 00:15:19,953
The woman I lost my virginity
589
00:15:19,954 --> 00:15:21,720
to, where is she today?
590
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,753
I'm staying on the green.
591
00:15:23,754 --> 00:15:25,187
I have no idea.
592
00:15:25,188 --> 00:15:26,487
I have no idea.
593
00:15:26,488 --> 00:15:27,787
Please reveal your answer,
594
00:15:27,788 --> 00:15:28,221
Murray.
595
00:15:28,221 --> 00:15:29,221
"Heaven."
596
00:15:30,088 --> 00:15:31,653
Oh, my god. That's horrible.
597
00:15:31,654 --> 00:15:33,187
I don't if she's dead or
598
00:15:33,188 --> 00:15:33,754
alive.
599
00:15:33,755 --> 00:15:35,087
I was less specific.
600
00:15:35,088 --> 00:15:37,720
"Dead." very similar answers.
601
00:15:37,721 --> 00:15:38,354
Sal?
602
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:40,953
I know who it is, and I know
603
00:15:40,954 --> 00:15:43,220
where she is.
604
00:15:43,221 --> 00:15:44,088
Prison.
605
00:15:44,089 --> 00:15:45,420
She's in prison.
606
00:15:45,421 --> 00:15:47,387
She is alive and breathing.
607
00:15:47,388 --> 00:15:49,420
Gentlemen, would you two please
608
00:15:49,421 --> 00:15:51,220
take one step closer to the
609
00:15:51,221 --> 00:15:51,788
fall?
610
00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:53,520
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
611
00:15:53,521 --> 00:15:54,820
Prison! Prison!
612
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:56,120
It feels nice and safe back
613
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:56,454
here.
614
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,753
What is my spirit animal?
615
00:15:57,754 --> 00:15:59,087
I think I know the right
616
00:15:59,088 --> 00:15:59,821
answer to this.
617
00:15:59,822 --> 00:16:02,453
I got a good one.
618
00:16:02,454 --> 00:16:04,087
Murray, what is my spirit
619
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:04,688
animal?
620
00:16:04,689 --> 00:16:06,453
Your spirit animal, q, is the
621
00:16:06,454 --> 00:16:06,954
penguin.
622
00:16:06,955 --> 00:16:08,087
I see, because in high
623
00:16:08,088 --> 00:16:09,420
school, I told you a story that
624
00:16:09,421 --> 00:16:10,787
if the world ended, I'd want to
625
00:16:10,788 --> 00:16:11,588
sit on top of the
626
00:16:11,589 --> 00:16:12,953
Brooklyn bridge with a beer and
627
00:16:12,954 --> 00:16:14,087
a penguin and watch it all
628
00:16:14,088 --> 00:16:14,521
unfold.
629
00:16:14,521 --> 00:16:15,154
Yes. Yes.
630
00:16:15,155 --> 00:16:16,587
Sal.
631
00:16:16,588 --> 00:16:18,087
I'm very specific with a
632
00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:19,153
baby snow leopard.
633
00:16:19,154 --> 00:16:20,687
Wow, all right. Excellent.
634
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,087
Joseph, what is my spirit
635
00:16:22,088 --> 00:16:22,588
animal?
636
00:16:22,589 --> 00:16:24,087
I know, with the kind of
637
00:16:24,088 --> 00:16:25,287
person you are, so it's
638
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:25,988
armadillo.
639
00:16:25,988 --> 00:16:26,454
Wow.
640
00:16:26,455 --> 00:16:28,087
You just want to jump right off
641
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:28,754
that cliff.
642
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:29,953
No, no! Hear me out!
643
00:16:29,954 --> 00:16:30,688
Hear me out!
644
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:31,887
You've got a hard shell, but
645
00:16:31,888 --> 00:16:33,087
you're soft on the inside.
646
00:16:33,088 --> 00:16:34,220
Joe, why don't you walk on
647
00:16:34,221 --> 00:16:35,221
right up there?
648
00:16:35,888 --> 00:16:37,753
This is
649
00:16:37,754 --> 00:16:38,953
right up there.
650
00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:42,888
Look at him! Oh, man!
651
00:16:42,921 --> 00:16:44,221
True or false?
652
00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:47,220
At a party, Dan aykroyd once
653
00:16:47,221 --> 00:16:48,188
grabbed my ass.
654
00:16:48,189 --> 00:16:49,387
Sal, true or false?
655
00:16:49,388 --> 00:16:50,953
I feel like I would have
656
00:16:50,954 --> 00:16:51,921
known about it.
657
00:16:51,921 --> 00:16:52,521
False.
658
00:16:52,522 --> 00:16:54,120
All right. Wow. Murr?
659
00:16:54,121 --> 00:16:55,420
I got to say true.
660
00:16:55,421 --> 00:16:56,188
True. Joe?
661
00:16:56,188 --> 00:16:57,154
I'm with sal.
662
00:16:57,155 --> 00:16:58,687
I feel like I would have known
663
00:16:58,688 --> 00:16:59,388
that story.
664
00:16:59,389 --> 00:17:01,587
I'm saying it's false.
665
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:03,253
False. Grab my ass.
666
00:17:03,254 --> 00:17:04,154
No! No!
667
00:17:04,155 --> 00:17:05,887
Did not grab my ass.
668
00:17:05,888 --> 00:17:07,487
Murr, would you please step
669
00:17:07,488 --> 00:17:08,088
forward?
670
00:17:08,088 --> 00:17:08,988
Oh, my god.
671
00:17:08,989 --> 00:17:10,653
Holy
672
00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:11,853
I can't jump that, man.
673
00:17:11,854 --> 00:17:12,788
That's... no way.
674
00:17:12,788 --> 00:17:13,754
It's not good.
675
00:17:13,755 --> 00:17:15,153
Will you answer something
676
00:17:15,154 --> 00:17:15,654
wrong?
677
00:17:15,655 --> 00:17:17,753
I have a two-question buffer.
678
00:17:17,754 --> 00:17:19,353
My autobiography comes out.
679
00:17:19,354 --> 00:17:20,653
What is the title of it?
680
00:17:20,654 --> 00:17:22,087
There's no right answer.
681
00:17:22,088 --> 00:17:23,687
It's just what I like and don't
682
00:17:23,688 --> 00:17:26,287
like, so, sal, the name of my
683
00:17:26,288 --> 00:17:27,088
autobiography?
684
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,453
I don't even have to answer
685
00:17:28,454 --> 00:17:28,988
this one.
686
00:17:28,989 --> 00:17:30,420
One of you guys is going off,
687
00:17:30,421 --> 00:17:30,754
so...
688
00:17:30,754 --> 00:17:31,754
On the yellow.
689
00:17:32,388 --> 00:17:32,921
Oh, man.
690
00:17:32,922 --> 00:17:33,987
All right, Murray.
691
00:17:33,988 --> 00:17:35,087
"Cats & hats...
692
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,453
The Brian Quinn story."
693
00:17:36,454 --> 00:17:37,088
Wow.
694
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,387
Joe, the name of my
695
00:17:38,388 --> 00:17:39,354
autobiography?
696
00:17:39,355 --> 00:17:40,853
"Q... man, myth, legend."
697
00:17:40,854 --> 00:17:41,953
Oh, that's good.
698
00:17:41,954 --> 00:17:43,387
That is good. I like that.
699
00:17:43,388 --> 00:17:44,953
I, instead of sucking up to
700
00:17:44,954 --> 00:17:46,553
you, went with the two things
701
00:17:46,554 --> 00:17:47,653
that you love most.
702
00:17:47,654 --> 00:17:49,320
All right, murr, you had me,
703
00:17:49,321 --> 00:17:50,620
until you pointed out that Joe
704
00:17:50,621 --> 00:17:51,953
was sucking up, and then it made
705
00:17:51,954 --> 00:17:53,320
me think that... doing some sort
706
00:17:53,321 --> 00:17:54,553
of mind game where you were,
707
00:17:54,554 --> 00:17:55,653
like, playing against the
708
00:17:55,654 --> 00:17:56,154
suck-up.
709
00:17:56,154 --> 00:17:56,821
No, no, no.
710
00:17:56,821 --> 00:17:57,254
Yes!
711
00:17:57,255 --> 00:17:58,653
So, murr, I would like you to
712
00:17:58,654 --> 00:18:00,187
take a step off.
713
00:18:00,188 --> 00:18:00,621
No!
714
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:01,121
Yes!
715
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:02,153
It's a good answer!
716
00:18:02,154 --> 00:18:03,353
Don't try and play me,
717
00:18:03,354 --> 00:18:03,821
friend.
718
00:18:03,822 --> 00:18:05,087
This is a good answer.
719
00:18:05,088 --> 00:18:06,487
Can I make a motion for appeal?
720
00:18:06,488 --> 00:18:07,488
No! No!
721
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:08,720
There's your appeal.
722
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:09,920
Don't try and play me,
723
00:18:09,921 --> 00:18:10,388
friend.
724
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:11,620
Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
725
00:18:11,621 --> 00:18:13,221
Oh, my god.
726
00:18:14,721 --> 00:18:16,087
His knees are shaking.
727
00:18:16,088 --> 00:18:17,120
I can't do it.
728
00:18:17,121 --> 00:18:19,321
I can't do it. I can't do it.
729
00:18:23,988 --> 00:18:26,453
Oh!
730
00:18:26,454 --> 00:18:27,721
Oh
731
00:18:30,154 --> 00:18:31,988
It's freaking cold!
732
00:18:33,788 --> 00:18:37,087
One down, boys. Focus.
733
00:18:37,088 --> 00:18:38,320
How many fingers am I holding
734
00:18:38,321 --> 00:18:38,688
up?
735
00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:39,887
Between one and five, boys.
736
00:18:39,888 --> 00:18:40,854
Between one and five.
737
00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:41,488
All right.
738
00:18:41,489 --> 00:18:42,620
Let's do it together.
739
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:43,121
Okay.
740
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,753
Like a band-aid. Ready?
741
00:18:44,754 --> 00:18:46,753
One, two, three.
742
00:18:46,754 --> 00:18:48,853
Yeah!
743
00:18:48,854 --> 00:18:50,620
Wish you weren't cocky now!
744
00:18:50,621 --> 00:18:51,388
Whoa!
745
00:18:51,389 --> 00:18:53,287
Get up on the red circle!
746
00:18:53,288 --> 00:18:53,988
Aww.
747
00:18:53,988 --> 00:18:54,988
Salvatore.
748
00:18:54,989 --> 00:18:56,487
Why did I do that?
749
00:18:56,488 --> 00:18:57,254
Holy
750
00:18:57,255 --> 00:18:58,587
we're both touching red.
751
00:18:58,588 --> 00:19:00,187
It all comes down to this.
752
00:19:00,188 --> 00:19:01,088
This is it.
753
00:19:01,089 --> 00:19:02,520
Without going over, what is
754
00:19:02,521 --> 00:19:03,853
my highest bowling score?
755
00:19:03,854 --> 00:19:05,320
Sal.
756
00:19:05,321 --> 00:19:07,087
I didn't want to go over, and I
757
00:19:07,088 --> 00:19:08,187
didn't know, so I
758
00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:09,520
"price is righted" it.
759
00:19:09,521 --> 00:19:10,887
Ah, that's so cheap.
760
00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:12,087
"Price is right."
761
00:19:12,088 --> 00:19:12,654
Wow.
762
00:19:12,655 --> 00:19:13,720
I'm not over.
763
00:19:13,721 --> 00:19:15,420
I'm a bowler, and I've been
764
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:16,753
bowling with you once.
765
00:19:16,754 --> 00:19:17,454
78.
766
00:19:17,455 --> 00:19:20,388
It was 80. It was 80! 80!
767
00:19:22,721 --> 00:19:24,320
Bowling for dollars.
768
00:19:24,321 --> 00:19:26,820
Best friends forever!
769
00:19:26,821 --> 00:19:29,653
Best friends forever!
770
00:19:29,654 --> 00:19:30,820
Jump, you wuss!
771
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:32,753
We're going to get hot dogs.
772
00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:34,520
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
773
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:35,653
I can't even get to the edge.
774
00:19:35,654 --> 00:19:36,621
Can I give you a hint?
775
00:19:36,621 --> 00:19:37,088
Yeah.
776
00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:37,921
Don't hit the rocks.
777
00:19:37,922 --> 00:19:41,253
I'm scared.
778
00:19:41,254 --> 00:19:41,921
Go.
779
00:19:41,922 --> 00:19:45,187
All right.
780
00:19:45,188 --> 00:19:46,754
You mother
781
00:19:51,454 --> 00:19:52,421
all right, boys.
782
00:19:52,422 --> 00:19:53,553
We'll see you later.
783
00:19:53,554 --> 00:19:54,674
Me and my bff... we're gonna
43447
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