Original subtitles

- previously on royal pains...

How about today we save two For the price of one?

- you let a billionaire Hospital trustee die

To save some kid off the street. - I made a judgment call.

- you made a mistake. - this trip is gonna get you

Back on your feet. - what trip?

- to the hamptons.

- boris kuester Von jurgens-ratenicz.

Stay in my guest cottage For the summer.

Be my concierge doctor.

- concierge doctor to the rich

And an on-call doctor To the rest of us.

A robin hood of medicine. - apparently the check

You wrote them For our new portable ekg machine

Just bounced. What's up?

- we're broke. - what do you mean, broke?

- we got scammed. - by who?

I can't believe You didn't tell me

That dad took all our money.

- all right, so it took A little longer than I thought.

It's still the same shade Of green.

[upbeat music]

*

- ow. Ow.

Some right you got there, Hank, huh?

I would know.

- oh, yeah, you look

Like the real Barroom brawl type.

- yeah, Looks can be deceiving.

- okay. All done, rocky.

- the setup you've got here Is just amazing.

Look at this. My sons, huh?

One's a doctor. One's a businessman.

You're working together.

This is too much.

I mean, I remember

When you were still Little pishers.

- you need directions To the highway?

- look, I understand About the check, okay.

It didn't cover The whole thing.

But you know That I'm still good for it.

- we know You're good for it, dad.

- oh, yeah, He's good for it.

- come on. Hank!

- you know, hank,

I've had a pain in my heart For 20 years

Since the last time I saw you.

Today, first time, It's gone.

- drive safe.

- what was that? You all right?

- yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

- okay, stop, are your eyes Sensitive to the light?

- well, it's a little glare-y.

- it's a sign Of a concussion.

- okay, that's it.

You're not driving With a concussion, dad.

We're not gonna let him drive With a concussion, right?

Doctor?

- I'll get some tylenol

And a blanket.

- can you walk?

- huh? Yeah.

- oh, god.

Evan!

- oh, my god. They're here?

- they sure are.

What is it?

- it's opportunity, hank.

Souvenirs. Yes.

People are gonna see this,

And they're gonna think Dr. Hank lawson.

- no, they'll wonder If I'm a physician

Or batting cleanup.

- [mimicking] No, they're gonna wonder

If I'm a physician Or batting cleanup.

- you're not funny. - so good.

- why are we spending money We don't have

On merchandise nobody needs?

- I ordered them Before the incident, okay.

I would return them. They're customized.

What do you want me to do? - it's a good business move.

- where's eddie r.?

- who knows? - he just--he took off?

- don't worry. I'm sure he'll call in 20 years.

- eddie r. Will be back, Okay.

Not that I'm keeping score Or anything,

But back at the waldorf, You also said

He wasn't coming back, But then he came back,

So let the record show That you were wrong.

- the record will reflect that.

Get ready. We got to go.

- so awesome.

I'm thirsty.

[clinking]

- why are we here?

- to welcome back Ms. Newberg's stepdaughter.

- where was she? - I don't know.

- who is she? - no idea.

- so why are we here? - out of respect.

Ms. Newberg's One of our top clients.

And given Our current predicament,

Financially, We can't afford

To pass up any opportunity To drum up business.

Know what I mean?

I'll catch up with you later.

- hello, ms. Newberg.

Ms. Casey.

- hello, dr. Lawson.

- congratulations on The homecoming of your--

- save it, hank.

- she didn't come home?

- she came home, all right.

She was supposed to come home From lyon, france,

Where she was supposed To be finishing

At a very prestigious Cooking school.

- turns out she had met An american guy in france,

Quit cooking school, and Followed him to san francisco,

Where he teaches yoga.

We do not approve. - mm.

- I've heard this story Three times.

- got it. - I thought she was going

To come home A confectioner.

Instead, she's doing Downward-facing dog

In my living room With a man

Who wears athletic shorts For a living.

Jill, why can't blake find

A nice, young doctor Like you did?

- oh, uh...

- well, we're not together Anymore.

- you're single? Perfect.

Blake, there's someone I want you to meet.

- oh, doesn't blake have a-- - blake, this is hank.

Hank is my doctor.

- tutu, not again.

- and he's single. Right, jill?

- uh, yeah.

- it's nice to meet you.

This is my boyfriend jamie.

- oh, yeah, I wasn't-- - it's okay.

You are the third single man

Ms. Newberg Has introduced blake to.

Apparently, I haven't made the cut.

- tell him What you do, jamie.

- well, Aside from loving blake,

I teach yoga.

- stop being so humble.

He owns six yoga studios

Throughout northern california,

Not to mention That he writes a blog

And travels the world Promoting wellness.

- I have no idea What that means.

- tutu's been doing this

Since I got out of college.

If a man isn't a lawyer, A doctor, or a banker,

Then he isn't Worth considering.

- and since I married all three,

Tutu would know.

- I'm sorry, guys. Tutu?

- I married her father When she was just a year old.

So I was her second mother And she called me two.

- for some reason I kept repeating it,

And it became tutu.

And then it stuck.

- she really is giving This marrying raj thing 100%.

- yeah, Nothing says commitment

Like feeding another human being Shellfish in public.

- [gasps]

And I thought It was free bat day.

This...

- oh, god. - is awesome.

- I know. Just look at this!

It's subliminal.

- I don't think you know What subliminal means.

- it's just good advertising.

I put a hankmed head On every third table.

- hankmed head? - yeah.

- oh, this just keeps Getting better.

- it's catchy, right? Hankmed head.

- okay. Pick up and destroy Every one of 'em.

- come on, look how cute-- - every one.

Now.

Go. - wait, no.

This hankmed head would sell For a fortune

At my yard sale.

But then again, How do you put a price

On something like this? - you're having a yard sale?

- well, technically, It's a sell everything

That charlie every owned, Touched, or gave me sale,

But that was too tricky To put on a sign.

- those are brutal. Do you have help?

- well, no,

Not yet, But I'll manage.

- if you need An extra pair of hands,

We could do--yeah. - yeah.

- it's blake. She's in trouble.

- [hyperventilating]

[the blue van's independence]

*

- * my independence went away

* I didn't listen When it said *

* rely on yourself

* trusting someone else

* is a path For the silent ghost *

- lungs and heart Sound normal.

All right, Tell me exactly what happened.

- well, we were-- We had been--

- this is my fault. I had blake doing

An advanced pose And got carried away.

- so you two were doing yoga In the middle of your party?

- you have to understand. Blake hates parties.

- I hate being the center Of attention.

I hate being the center Of anything.

Tutu wanted this.

She'll find any excuse To throw a party.

- like, it's tuesday.

- so you were doing yoga.

- it started out As yoga.

- but with the sound Of the ocean and the sea air

And blake being so beautiful...

- you weren't doing any type Of drugs to heighten the yoga?

- no way. Yoga is our drug.

- mm. Okay.

- I'm really feeling Much better.

And we took the red-eye,

And with the heat, I think I just need some rest

And get my dignity back, If that's possible.

- [laughs] All right, well, look,

We'll do a follow-up Tomorrow morning.

Today, take it easy.

No more yoga Or anything strenuous.

- would it be inappropriate To ask

How much for the two Right-handed boxing gloves?

Wow. Is there anything You're not selling?

- oh, this is just charlie's.

There are twice as many boxes in The basement full of my stuff.

- and they're not gonna carry Themselves out, doctor.

Although I wish they would.

- I know it's a pain.

I can't thank you guys enough.

I have too much crap.

In my house, In my life.

Time to simplify.

- are these part Of jill's yard sale too?

- no, we're neighbors, And I helped her pack the boxes,

So in return jill is letting me Hock my goods here.

- oh, that's cool.

Yeah, these belts are nice. Are they pleather?

- excuse me?

- like pl-- Are they real leather,

Or are they polyester?

- cute. No, everything I make Is genuine animal hide.

- oh. - you can go into town

And find a belt Of less quality

For ten times the amount.

I sell quality And affordability.

- cute. All right.

I am going to take One of your belts.

In fact, I'm gonna take two.

Two belts. I'll give you ten bucks.

No? I'll give you $20. - no.

- isn't it traditional To haggle at a yard sale?

- it's not gonna happen.

- wow. You're tough.

Cash okay?

Actually, I'm evan r. Lawson.

I'm cfo Of hankmed.

Do you think That you could make,

Like, a hankmed wallet For me?

I just think It would look really cool.

In fact, maybe We could have coffee later

And discuss product.

- well, I'd have To ask my husband.

- yeah. Could even be tea if you want.

Quality and affordable tea.

- everything okay, honey? - fine, honey.

This nice man just bought A couple of my belts

And wants to take me out For tea.

- this nice man Is also a card-carrying member

Of the police benevolent Association.

I'm also a belt aficionado And the brother

Of dr. Hank lawson, The renowned doctor.

In fact, there he is. Hank!

Hey, you want me To help you out?

Wonderful to meet you,

And I'm loving

What you got going With the uniform.

You wear it really well.

- I've helped enough friends With yard sales

To know that you only do it

When you've known someone Way too long

Or you owe them big time.

And since neither is the case With us,

I just want To say thank you.

- well, it's been kind of fun.

Like an anthropological study.

I mean, who knew People actually had waterbeds?

- in our entire marriage, That bed is the only place

Where charlie and I Were ever really compatible.

- honestly, it's not something That raj and I

Will be dealing with Until after the wedding.

Bed. Compatible.

Us. - wait.

You mean, You and raj haven't--

- our culture believes

That a man and a woman

Don't consummate their union

Until after the wedding.

- well, I'm a big fan Of tradition,

But what if the sex Isn't great?

Or even good?

You need to find that out Before you marry raj.

- you know, given How neither here nor there

You and jill have become,

I really feel like I wasn't As awkward around her

As I thought I would be. - god, I'm so happy for you.

- it's just you guys Have an animal chemistry.

You know that? Like, it's palpable.

You can smell it.

- no, that's those belts

You bought. - [laughs]

[police siren beeps]

What'd you do?

- nothing.

- are you going The speed limit?

Yeah. - oh, my god.

That's a bum rap.

Oh, my god.

It's that cop. - what cop?

- it's the one Who saw me with sherri.

- who's sherri? - it's his wife.

It was hankmed business.

- okay.

- hey, officer. - hi.

- please step out of the car.

- okay, look, It was just tea.

I swear to god,

Just tea, man. - not you.

- okay. - him?

- walk to the squad car.

I have a rash.

- a rash?

Oh. Okay.

Where?

- for my sake, I hope you practice

Doctor-patient confidentiality.

- uh-huh.

- it started down there A couple days ago,

And it spread. It's just getting worse.

- all right, I'll have to do a blood test.

- not at my house, You won't.

I don't want my wife Seeing this.

I've kept it from her The last couple days.

I don't keep things From her.

- okay, then we'll have To make

An appointment for you To come to my place.

- blake, look who's here For your follow-up!

- hey.

I totally forgot.

- yeah, you know what?

I'm gonna hold your spot For you.

- have you noticed any pain Or swelling

In your legs?

- crazy soreness.

Nothing that wouldn't come

From a few Of jamie's yoga classes.

I'm a yoga newbie.

- well, you look Like you're in great shape.

- thanks to jamie.

But you know What they say.

Being in love Is the best diet.

I gave up meat, wine, Cigarettes.

I feel great. - except for the fact

That you couldn't catch Your breath yesterday

And nearly collapsed.

- I told you.

I was tired And a little overexerted.

- it may be overexertion,

But the symptoms you have Line up with cocaine

And other amphetamines.

- hank, I don't do drugs.

Have you been using

Any new creams, Shampoos, or soaps?

- it's a thing My girlfriend gave to me.

It keeps guys attracted To you.

I had a reaction, So I stopped.

- a topical pheromone?

- you have no idea How hard it is

To date a guy who's younger

And has zero body fat.

- blake, is there anything else You want to tell me?

- maybe I've taken Some diet pills

To keep my energy up And my appetite down.

And a sleep aid Now and then.

Some anti-anxiety pills Twice a day.

- divya's gonna bring you A heart monitor.

You'll need to wear it For the next 24 hours.

It'll let us track

Your heart's activity. - 24 hours?

- so we can make sure That you're okay.

- is that a problem?

- I guess not.

- it's just wrong.

It's not--

People shouldn't be able

To bend around And check their own backs

For moles. It's unnatural.

It's--blagh.

Ow. - hello.

- he was about to rent A room earlier.

He tried to use your name To get a lower rate.

But then he changed his mind And left.

The security guard found him.

I don't think He's breathing.

- what?

- I was going To call the police,

But since you're a doctor.

- dad. - hey!

- dad! - hey!

- oh, my god.

Dad! Oh, my god.

- here, give me this.

- [gasps]

- oh, ho, ho, ho!

Ho! Ho! Ho! - he's moving.

- ho! It's a rental!

- dad, we thought You were dead.

- dead? How about sleeping?

- you know, You're a heavy sleeper.

- yeah, we practically turned The car over, pops.

- I took an ambien.

I didn't think Anybody would notice.

It's not very easy Sleeping in your car.

- which raises the question, What are you doing

Sleeping in a car?

- well, I didn't feel welcome

At your place.

And I made a pact With myself

That I wouldn't spend Another dime of my money

Until I paid my boys back.

- and why are you here?

Didn't you have some business

To tend to? - yes, yes.

But I'm waiting for the rest Of the money to arrive.

It should be here in an hour, Tomorrow at the latest.

- no, no, why are you-- What are you doing here?

- 'cause I wanted to hand it To you personally.

Because that worked out so well Yesterday.

[chuckles]

- all right, If it's tomorrow,

What are you gonna do tonight?

Where are you gonna sleep?

- are you kidding?

I got an ocean view.

I've got a stereo system.

Because of you, I got fresh air.

- one more night.

Okay, but you show up After business hours.

And when I wake up, I don't want muffins or coffee.

I just want you gone.

Okay? For good.

- so, john, I'm not sure What this rash is

Or where it came from,

But we'll run A battery of tests

To narrow it down.

Based on the look of it, I am going to test for an std.

- let's save you the time And me the money.

I don't cheat.

When we first started dating,

I strayed once.

Sherri almost left me.

I swore I'd never do it again.

And I haven't.

I love my wife.

[cell phone rings]

- yeah? - hey. Bad time?

- sort of.

- okay, I'll be quick. I've got a favor to ask.

My friend sherri From the yard sale,

She has a rash.

Down there.

You think you could stop by And take a look?

- yeah, sure, I'll be right over.

- okay, great. Thanks.

- everything okay?

- [whispers nervously] Yeah.

- guest list Is down to 350.

- intimate affair.

- talk to your mum.

She's inviting every Bandyopadhyay on the planet.

I closed With the photographer,

We have a tasting With the caterer,

And I'd like for us To talk about,

Uh, well...

Our compatibility.

- you would?

Me too.

- really?

- yes, I've been giving it A lot of thought.

- you have?

- I feel signing a prenup Is good for both of us.

And our families.

- a prenup?

- I know it's not The most traditional custom,

But more and more young couples We know are doing it.

- I was about to suggest it Myself.

- you were?

Good. I'll have my lawyer Draw one up right away.

- good.

- whoa, whoa, whoa. You need a hand there?

You okay?

- I'm suffering From a condition

Known as a complete lack Of coordination.

And I've had it Since birth.

- [laughs]

I'll see if I can find A treatment for that.

In the meantime, I need to take a look

At the readouts From your heart monitor.

You haven't been wearing it.

- you've seen me do yoga.

Please don't make me look Any sillier than I already do.

- look, blake, I know the monitor's

Not the most fashion-forward Accessory,

But I need you to wear the Halter to rule out arrhythmia.

- [sighs]

Does it by any chance Come in sun-kissed yellow?

All right.

- I love this kitchen.

- right?

- I always knew that you guys Would land on your feet.

'cause that's What the lawsons do.

- [laughs]

I got to say, Right now,

We're feeling A little on our knees

Because of what happened With our money.

- yeah? - what did happen

With our money By the way?

- are you kidding?

- no. - bluesky happened.

The green tech company.

Don't you remember

The low-interest, guaranteed Government loans,

The tax credits?

Are you telling me You forgot?

- no, I was talking About how you went

Into hankmed's bank account

And cleaned it out.

- evan, you gave me The password.

- yeah, for the first wire.

Right?

You told me The window was closing.

- and it did.

I got the inside word On their ipo.

You didn't tell me That was all your money.

I thought it was some kind Of investment fund.

- I'm pretty sure I didn't leave out

The "It's all our money" part.

- yeah, well, Never mind.

You're gonna get Your money back, day or two.

Week tops.

- okay, so first It was a few hours.

- mm-hmm.

- then it was a day or two.

- right. - now it's a week?

- yeah, I know. My colleague let me down.

Ffft, I lit into him.

Trust me.

- can I? - mm-hmm.

Yes.

- okay. - okay.

- oh, I got you something. - you did?

- mm-hmm.

[imitates whip crack]

See.

- this is beautiful. - check it out.

- oh, you've got the same one. - yeah.

- huh? What is this, alligator?

I don't know. It's authentic, dead something.

- what's that smell?

- it's meatloaf A la lawson.

It's our favorite. Remember?

- hello, hank.

- hi. Could you smoke that outside?

- monte cristo. This is cubano.

The real thing. Where'd you get this?

- it was a gift From a patient.

- listen.

I am so glad you're here.

- I live here.

- can we talk For a minute?

- love to.

What you did To us back then

Was gutless And pitiful.

I guess the upside is, By age 15,

I knew exactly The type of man

I would never Let myself become.

- I understand That your life went south

When mom died, But so did my life.

She was my life.

- you didn't leave When mom died.

You took off When she got sick.

You missed the worst part.

You have no idea What you missed.

- what are you doing? Where are you going?

You're not gonna stay For dinner?

- you know what, I've got A little business to attend to,

But I'm gonna see you later.

- oh, yeah. - yeah.

[refrigerator door slams]

- it's been 20 years.

People can change.

- evan...

You may not remember this,

But after he took off,

You cried every night For weeks.

You'd fall asleep By the front door

Just waiting And waiting and waiting

For him to come walking in.

- it's 'cause I loved him.

You loved him.

You worshipped him.

And he loved us.

I don't care if he did What he did or not.

When he was there, He was a great father.

I know it sounds weird To say now,

But you know it.

- forget what he did to us.

Think about what he did To mom.

How could You ever forgive that?

- it's messed up. - yeah.

- he messed up really bad. - uh-huh.

- horrible, right? - right.

- 20 years ago.

And now he's back.

He's in our lives.

Our dad.

And he's sorry.

Yeah, I forgive him.

I do.

At some point, you're gonna have To forgive him.

- at some point, you're gonna Have to realize I won't.

- hello, officer.

I'm divya katdare.

I'm dr. Lawson's Physician assistant.

He'll be right in With your test results.

- dr. Lawson didn't say Anyone else would be here.

No one else was supposed To know about this.

- everything between us Is confidential.

- I bet it is. - baby, what are you doing here?

- don't you baby me.

You've been acting weird For days,

So I followed you When you left for work,

Only you didn't go to work.

You're here With her.

- no. No.

No, no, no, no.

I am not-- Not a her.

- I'm not here with her.

I'm here because--

Well, because, Doc.

Tell sherri it's nothing.

- dr. Lawson, Why are you here?

- how do you know Dr. Lawson?

- how do you know Dr. Lawson?

- okay, am I free to talk To you both

About your test results?

- yeah. - yeah?

Okay, you both have rashes, All right.

And when investigating A strange rash,

We test For various diseases.

In this case, it is standard To test for syphilis.

Unfortunately, Your tests came back positive.

- syphilis? - it's important

That we contact All your sexual partners

So they can...

- sexual partners?

What were you doing While I was in texas?

- what were you doing While you were in texas?

I never cheat on you. - you already did it once.

And you kept this rash From me,

So who's to say What else you're keeping?

- there must be some other way We got this.

- I'm sorry. I wish I had better news.

- hey. - hey, have I got

Good news for you? - oh, my god.

Just being here Is good news.

How did you do this?

I've been trying To get tee time for weeks.

- I know a guy.

Now you see

Those two old-timers On the first tee?

- yeah, with outfits like that, How could I miss 'em?

The guy's wearing kilt pants.

- no, no, no. On the golf course,

The louder the clothes, The deeper the pockets.

Now, the guy With the belly?

He runs a company called Wediagnose.Net.

And the other, The wiry one,

He's the president Of a company they call,

And I kid you not,

Cash technologies.

- cash technologies? That is inspired.

- one of them's got A chronic back problem,

And the other one Has a prostate so big,

He's gotta sleep In a wetsuit.

- two whales waiting For their ahab.

- and prime hankmed clients,

If we play Our cards right.

- if we do this together,

What's in it for you?

- I'm helping my boys.

I owe you that.

I owe you so much more.

- okay.

All right.

All right, Let's play some golf.

Uh, one problem.

[whispering] Um, I suck at golf.

- exactly.

Get your clubs.

- hey. - oh, hey.

- what's on the menu?

Smells like--

- well, it's gluten-free Vegetarian casserole

With soy balls On the side.

- that's exactly What it smells like.

I'm here to take off Your monitor.

- oh, thanks.

If my teachers Ecole le cordon bleu

Saw this, They'd kick me out,

If I hadn't Have quit already.

I like to cook When I'm stressed.

- mm, I like to eat when I'm stressed.

- I do that too.

[cell phone chimes] - there you go.

- oh, I'm getting A text from jamie.

Would you mind?

- uh, sure.

Uh, "My dearest blake,

"When we met You were a baking student,

"A carnivore, And a smoker,

"The yin to my yang.

"Now you've become A yoga aficionado,

"Vegan, non-smoker.

"As a result, You've become

The yang to my yang."

- go on.

- "I feel terrible and am Truly sorry to have to do this,

"But as we all know,

"Two yangs can Never survive together.

"I will love you always,

"Just not that way.

Namaste."

I am so sorry.

- I can't believe This is happening.

Jamie was my one.

- I'm not sure anyone Who breaks up in a text

Could ever be "The one."

- guess who ordered Finger sandwiches.

- [sniffling]

- blake.

- tutu.

[crying]

He broke up with me.

- I should probably...

- hey, thanks again For helping me...

Again.

[both laugh]

- hey, that's What friends are for.

- oh.

- feel good getting rid Of all this stuff?

- yeah.

Yeah.

It's a little scary Getting rid of the clutter.

And there was a lot Of clutter.

[bottle caps clatter]

Mm, sherri Kicked him out.

- hmm.

- they were The perfect couple.

So perfect, it almost Bordered on unfair.

If they can't make it,

What chance do The rest of us have?

- which is why It's a good thing

We decided To just stay friends.

- yeah.

- yeah, it is.

Better that way.

- so much better.

- yeah.

[garage door opener Whirring]

[cell phone rings]

- hello?

[garage door opener Whirring]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Slow down, ms. Newberg!

No, listen, listen,

I'll meet you At hamptons heritage.

No, no, no. You have to let the emts

Take her to the hospital

If she's having A heart attack.

- what's going on? What is it?

- looks like a heart attack.

Why didn't you let them Take her to hamptons heritage?

- she's bad enough here.

I don't need the hospital To make it any worse.

No offense. - none taken.

- hank?

- blake, you are In congestive heart failure,

Which needs immediate attention In a hospital.

- hank, just let me die.

Please.

- all right, Hamptons heritage it is.

- okay, let's go, let's go.

Ekg is consistent With an anterior wall stemi.

- all right, we'll Take it from here.

We'll go to the cath lab,

Get a better look At her coronary arteries.

- we'll figure this out, Blake.

- I've got The monitor results.

- I need to take a look At the latest lab tests.

- I'll get that for you. - great.

- how's she doing?

- not great.

- what act of god Got mrs. Newberg

To set foot in this place? - motherhood.

- hey, guys, Here we go.

- that's odd.

Blake's earlier results Are completely clean.

No abnormal activity In the past 24 hours.

- I mean, she seemed fine When I saw her earlier.

Physically, that is.

- what do you mean?

- while I was there, Jamie dumped her...

By text.

Poor thing Was so crushed.

- how crushed?

- well, heartbroken.

- take me To the cath lab.

- okay.

- you aren't having A heart attack.

- I'm not?

- uh, okay, you see The shape of your heart?

- uh-huh.

- there's apical ballooning

Of the left ventricle,

Which has been Temporarily weakened by stress.

You're experiencing Tako-tsubo syndrome.

- tako what?

- it's japanese For an octopus trap,

Which is exactly what Your heart looks like right now.

It's usually triggered By deep emotional stress.

- that's my favorite kind.

- [laughs]

- when the episode Happened at my party,

I was worried about Whether or not tutu liked jamie.

And then at yoga When the younger girls

Were flirting with jamie,

My chest tightened.

And then the text.

- tako-tsubo is also known

As broken heart syndrome.

It appears jamie wasn't good For you or your heart.

- tutu's never gonna let me Live this one down.

- I have no desire To get married

While preparing For a divorce.

- I know you're Not sure about us.

- I wasn't.

I am now.

But if you have Any doubts,

Maybe we shouldn't Go through with it.

- you were the one Who wanted to talk

About compatibility.

- physical compatibility, raj.

- oh.

Oh!

- ohh.

- but I thought You wanted to wait

Until after our wedding.

- I changed my mind.

- so you never wanted A prenup.

- all I want is this.

- look, we've ruled out

Everything that would give A false positive

From the fta-abs test.

- you think He cheated on her.

- mmm.

- I believe him,

And not just because He's an officer of the law.

- I believe The blood test

That showed They both have syphilis.

I mean, If he did it once...

- people can change.

- maybe, but, you know, Some guys have trouble

Staying focused. Look at jamie.

And while I respect Your faith in humankind,

We've ruled out lupus, Diabetes mellitus,

Alcoholic cirrhosis, Viral infections.

What else could it be?

- hankmed Is officially back.

I just signed Two new super-sized clients.

Super-sized.

With dad's help, By the way.

- dad's help?

- whales, hank. Like, whales.

Big whales. Bigger than whales.

What's bigger than a whale? - nothing.

- whale it is.

Closed them On a golf course, no less.

- ah, explains The caddyshack get-up.

- hey, The louder the clothes,

The deeper the pockets.

- which explains That reptile

You have tied Around your pants.

- the rep-- This is like--

You know how much This thing cost?

- someone isn't paying you To wear that?

- I bought it At jill's yard sale.

Her neighbor makes them.

- sherri? The cop's wife? - mm-hmm.

- she tried to sell me A pair

Of the most hideous shoes

Made out of the hide Of some rodent.

Honestly, they looked Like oven mitts with heels.

- did she say what this Was made of?

- what? Look, if you're Thinking of calling p.E.T.A.,

It's free-range, It's organic, it's fine.

- did she mention armadillo?

- no. What are you t-- No.

That would be A fashion faux pas anyway.

You can't wear armadillo After memorial day...

Or before.

So ever, Really.

- on it.

- sherri, yesterday You said you went to texas.

Can you tell me What you were doing there?

- more like Who she was doing.

- I work with a hide ranch Outside of austin.

It's where I get the materials For my exclusive line.

- are there Any armadillos there?

- yes. I'm the only designer On the entire east coast

Specializing In armadillo accessories.

It's my shtick.

- have you ever been, uh, Scratched

Or bitten By one of the armadillos?

- um, just a little nick. It was nothing.

- okay. Here's the good news.

I don't think You have syphilis.

I have to run Some further tests,

But there is a disease That causes a rash,

Like you both have,

And gives a false positive On syphilis blood tests.

- so then you didn't...

- and you didn't.

- what you probably have Is called hansen's disease,

And the only species that Carries it other than us

Is armadillos.

- a few weeks Of antibiotics

Will clear it up For the both of you,

Though, legally, we will Have to notify county health.

- you said It wasn't serious.

- it's not, but hansen's Has been known in the past

By a different name--

Leprosy. - leprosy?

- are you sure we don't Have syphilis?

- yes, and don't worry.

You're not so infectious

That you can't resume Your normal social activities.

It's just The health department

Has defined leprosy As a reportable disease.

- well, if it isn't That infectious,

Then how did we get it?

- prolonged Skin-to-skin contact,

Such as a husband and wife Might have

During intimate moments.

- hansen's Is completely treatable.

You will both be fine.

With the medications And talk therapy,

You should recover nicely.

- talk therapy?

I don't understand why she Does this to herself.

I made sure she was raised By the best nannies.

Well, besides myself...

That came out wrong.

- no, no, Look, it came out fine.

With talk therapy, There isn't a right or wrong.

- then how do you know It's working?

- well, hopefully, When you feel better.

Along with the diuretics And mild tranquilizers.

Blake, look, I know There's a lot of stress

In finding the right person,

But you gotta find a way To take the pressure off.

- I try, But every time I do,

Tutu puts it back on.

- I just want her To be happy.

- ms. Newberg,

Maybe you should worry About blake a little less.

It might be good For both of you.

- I just want my baby To be okay.

- I am, tutu. Thank you.

- you may not be My flesh and blood,

But you're more.

You're my heart.

- we've talked a lot About hansen's disease.

In the olden And not-so-olden days,

Misinformation Led to a tragic stigma

Of leprosy.

But if you Or someone you love

Has been touched By hansen's disease...

- we're gonna be late For newberg.

- hold on one sec. Just watch this.

- so this is Evan r. Lawson,

Cfo of hankmed, saying

Just because You have leprosy

Doesn't mean you have To be a leper.

- I'm afraid to ask.

- one of the whales I beached,

He owns, I mean, amongst A million other things

This site called Wediagnose.Net.

It's like the perfect subliminal Marketing crossover.

- you really Should look that up.

- what, subliminal?

Oh, and this Is probably

His signed Retainer agreement

And a check.

There's a check,

But it's not From the whale.

Dad paid us back.

Every penny.

How does it feel to be So consistently wrong?

- in this case,

I'm not so sure How it feels.

As much as I'd like To tape eddie's check

Over our cash register,

I guess you should Deposit it,

After our thank you lunch With newberg.

- just be nice to blake, All right?

When you saved newberg's dog, We got a tesla.

You just saved Her step-daughter.

That means we're gonna get, Like, an infinity pool

Or a helicopter Or, like, a...

No, a g-5. We're getting a g-5.

That's what it is.

So you take the girl, I'll take the jet.

- I don't want the girl. - I'll take them both then.

- hank? Perfect timing.

Lunch is Just being put out.

- allow me.

- oh. Blake called This morning from lyon.

She decided to go back And finish cooking school.

She sounds so happy.

There's no greater joy

Than seeing Your child happy.

Every parent deserves that.

And, hank, I've gotta Say thank you.

Your advice Was very meaningful.

- my advice?

- well, after we spoke,

I decided To forget about blake

And her love life and focus A little bit more on mine.

So in The last three days,

I found The most wonderful man.

- hello, boys.

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