All language subtitles for Royal.Pains.S01E02.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-ViSUM_track3_[eng]

- I'm hank.

I was your typical
Emergency room doctor

Until I got fired.

- you let a billionaire
Hospital trustee die

To save some kid
Off the street.

- I made a judgment call.
- you made a mistake.

- this is my brother.

I'm evan r. Lawson, c.P.A.

He took me
Away from my troubles

And to the hamptons.

And suddenly,
I had a chance

To become a whole new
Kind of doctor.

It turns out the wealthy
And not so wealthy out here

Could use a guy
Who makes house calls.

So I got a second chance
To do what I do best.

- wha...

- can I help you?

- it's an abomination,
What you're doing.

You can't separate
An egg from a yolk.

It's like separating
The earth from the moon

Or thunder from lightning
Or hall from oates.

- you just compared daryl hall
To the earth.

What do you know
About taste?

And egg whites happen to be
Loaded with protein,

Low in calories,
Have no fat, and--

- taste like it.

-oh.
- what are you do--

In the bowl, hank.

The goal is to get the egg
In the bowl.

- look, I spent years
At a job

Where I had to scrub in and out
Countless times a day.

I'm messy at home
Because I can be.

- oh...
- look, I'll clean up.

- oh, really,
You'll clean up

Like you clean up
Your clothes

Or the towel
On the bathroom floor?

- who are you?

- all I'm saying is,
It's been really great

Living with you again,
You know.

It's like old times--
Sharing a place

With my big brother
And the bonding and everything--

- wait for it,
Here it comes.

- but you are the biggest slob

I've ever met
In my life.

- so I make a mess.
I clean it up.

- no, you make a mess
And I clean it up.

- what does it matter?
It's our home.

- it matters because
"A," you're a slob, and "B,"

It's not just our home,

But it's also gonna be
Our office.

Hankmed's workstation.

Check it out,
I made a blueprint.

Okay, so I've divided the space
Into quadrants.

- quadrants?
- it's four parts.

- I know what a quadrant is.

- work environment
In quadrant one.

Sleeping quarters
In quadrant two.

- stop saying quadrant.
- wet bar in quad--

Wet bar over here.

- wet bar?
- yeah, wet bar.

That's pretty cool, right?
It's what people do out here.

- what, get soused?
- yeah, basically.

[phone vibrates]

You gonna get that?

- I...

- ah, ah, ah.
Work before food.

- this is hank.

Hi.
Of course.

Just text me the address.
Okay.

- eh?
- I just...

- no. No.

Have fun.

- hey.
- hey.

- everything okay?

- yeah.
Follow me.

- sure.
What's up?

- good morning.

- just play along.

- dr. Lawson.
Sheila montgomery.

So glad you could make it.

- me too.

- from what jill tells me,

You and this turn-key,
Center hall modern colonial

Are made for each other.

- I had no idea
You were so familiar

With my architectural leanings.

- I surprise people.

- dr. Lawson, allow me
To show you the great room.

- I-I don't want
To waste your time,

But, uh...What?

I'm not really
A big great room man.

But...

This, however, is truly

A great great room.

One of the greatest.

And it's really, uh, great.

Sorry to pry.

I couldn't help, um,
But notice.

What did you do
To your arm?

- oh, uh, burned myself
Taking cookies out of the oven.

Occupational hazard.

It's a little realtor trick.

Before you show a place,
Bake fresh cookies.

It makes a house
Smell like a home.

- oh, well, that explains
My sudden craving

For a glass of milk.

Did you see a doctor
About that?

- oh, don't worry, hank.

Sheila's on top of it.

She has to be
As a diabetic.

- diabetic?

Uh, you really should
See your doctor.

Get that looked at.
- I will.

I just have a full day
Of potential renters.

- if you leave that wound
Untreated,

It could get very serious.

- you are absolutely right.

Let me show you
The master bedroom.

- little doctor trick.

When you're a doctor
With a busy diabetic

Who has an untreated burn,
You treat it.

I want you to shower the wound,
Using soap,

Three to four times
A day.

Make sure you pat it dry

And cover it
With a clean bandage.

If it starts looking red
Or pus-y,

I want you to call me
Immediately.

And watch your sugars,
Okay?

- thanks.

Are you sure you don't want
To see the basement?

It was just renovated.

- hank has to get back to work.
- yes, I do.

- then promise me

You'll come back
And see the house at sunset.

- oh, I don't--

- it's magical then.
- it is?

- key's under the mat.

Bring a bottle of wine.

I guarantee it's the most
Romantic view in the hamptons.

- how can I say no to that?

Why did I say yes to that?

- because you are
A good guy.

- [laughs]
And who is she again?

- sheila's a neighbor.

Her cobra coverage
Ran out,

And I offered to help,
But she's too proud.

Thanks for coming.

And, uh, being so cool.

- cool?
- mm-hmm.

- oh, that's me, you know.
Mister cool.

[both laugh]

No, no, look.
I'm happy to do it.

Just give me a little warning
Next time.

My playing along skills
Are still coming along.

- well, hopefully,
There won't be a next time.

I'm sending letters
To all the patients

Who've been frozen
Out of the hospital

Letting them know
That the hamptons free clinic

Is on schedule
To open in the fall.

- congratulations.

- yeah, thank you.

- for some reason,
I find myself craving

Chocolate chip cookies.

You wanna grab
A bite to eat?

- I only have 30 minutes
Till my next meeting.

- we'll take big bites.

[phone rings]

Ooh.

Hey, divya.

What time is it?

Okay, okay.

Rain check?

- we'll see.

- we'll see.

Hey, guys.

Sorry I'm late.

- wow, rule number one
Of concierge doctoring, hank:

You don't keep the rich people
Waiting.

- good to know.

- yeah, actually,
Come to think of it,

Concierge doctors
In the hamptons,

By definition,
Are required to be arrogant,

Boring,
And quick to scope out libby

When she's in a bikini.

- cut me some slack,
I'm new at this.

But also good to know.

- you seem to lack
All of those qualities.

- wow, thank you guys
So much.

- okay, shall we
Remove the sutures?

- yes.

Uh, should we just
Do it out here?

- I don't see why not.

- this will be my first
Suture extraction poolside.

Huh, the surgeon
Did nice work.

- he was under
A lot of pressure.

- why, was your father
Standing over him?

- no, I was.

- imagine being
Mozart's piano tuner,

But then more stressful
Than that.

- I guess your dad
Didn't visit?

Right.
Busy man.

- we're all busy, hank.

- all right, you may feel
A little pull.

- I'll live.

- tucker.

We never received your father's
Signed form of consent.

- I'd be happy
To forge one.

- you really should see
His forgeries.

- they are works of art.
- yeah, you know what?

How about we get an original?

- yeah, just as soon
As dad gets back.

- oh, there's a retirement party
This afternoon

Mr. Bryant is invited to,

And tucker has
To represent the family.

You guys wanna come?

- retirement party?
Sounds like a can't-miss.

Unfortunately,
I'll miss it.

[tucker laughs]

Okay, you're all done.

- hank, it might be a good thing
For us to go.

- in what way would it be good

For us to go
To a retirement party?

- come on, hank.
Old people?

High incomes,
Higher blood pressure.

It's your prime demo.

- hank, the kid's right.

- who's the retiree?

[the blue van's independence]

*

* my independence went away

* I didn't listen
When it said *

* rely on yourself

* trusting someone else

* is a path
For the silent ghost *

*

- well, I'm ready to leave.

- we just got here.

- you know what?

I'm actually with hank
On this one.

The average age here
Is dead.

- everyone, please.

Welcome tess premoli
As she premieres for us

What will be
Her final piece

With the san francisco ballet
Next sunday.

- ballerinas.

[applause]

- wait a moment.

That's the retiree?

[classical music]

*

[applause]

- that was beautiful.

- she certainly is.

Hottest card-carrying member
Of the a.A.R.P. I've ever seen.

- plus, as a retired person,

It won't cost as much
To take her to the movies.

- forget it.
I call dibs, okay?

Any hot ballerina
Is all mine.

That's one of my ground rules.

Anyway, yours is over there.

- who is that guy
Jill's talking to?

- not you.

[classical music]

- I would love to help you out,
But I'm sorry.

- you've already--wait!

Don't walk away.
I'm not finished with this.

- I am not gonna have
This discussion here.

- this conversation
Is not over.

- hi.

How's your neighbor?

- sheila?

She's okay.

Better.

- are you okay?

- mm!

I'm fine.

- maybe you should, uh,
Slow down there.

- now that would
Defeat the purpose.

- thank you,
Thank you.

Thank you
Very much.

Very happy.
Thank you for having me.

Thank you.

- uh...Outstanding work.

Having sat through
The nutcracker

Every christmas
Since I was, like, three,

Uh, I can say that
With full confidence.

- having played my share
Of sugar plum fairies,

I can say thank you.

[evan laughs]

- evan r. Lawson.

Uh, c.F.O. Of hankmed.

And so much more.

- [clears throat]
Excuse me.

- so, yeah.
- excuse me, excuse me--hi.

- feel this.

Silk.

How much you think
This benefit costs?

- uh, I don't know.
A lot.

- twice that.
At least.

Do you know how much
These things run?

- I don't.
- I do.

See, we've thrown parties
At the hospital.

We get polyester.

He might as well
Just burn the money.

- what happened
With that man?

- what man?

- the one who apparently
Dared you

To chug three glasses of wine
Before he got back

Or there'd be trouble.

Uh, or is that
None of my business?

- bingo.
- got it.

- hey.
- hey.

Tucker, libby, jill.

- hi, jill.
- jill, tucker, libby.

- hi, jill.

We're gonna go
Grab a bite to eat.

- it's wall-to-wall food here.

- yes, but no one can tell me
If the tuna is farmed or wild.

Farmed has, on average,
Five times less omega-3s

And is, like,
Three times higher in mercury.

And they can't say
Whether the grapes were grown

With or without pesticides.

We're talking residue
Such as azinphos,

Carbofuran, metalaxyl.

But as a doctor, I'm sure that's
What you were already thinking.

- oh, yeah.

Totally.

- [clears throat]
But your date

Seems to be having
A good time.

- oh, no--
- oh, this--

- is not a date.
- it's not a date.

- aw.

[both laugh]

- what do you kids call it
These days?

[both stutter]

- [laughs]
Listen, why don't we go

Back to my place?

You know, dad's not home,

And libby's stocked the fridge

With food so organic
You can taste the dirt.

- awesome.

- would you like the rib eye
Or the tenderloin?

- yes.

- hi.

- hi.

- you're the doctor, right?

- um, I'm actually
Not the doctor,

Medically speaking.

Um, but I run hankmed,

Which is--

It's a concierge doctor service.

So...
Great--great party, huh?

I just feel like,
This place is so cool.

The wine and the food
Are so--so cool.

- yeah, I hate it.

- I hate it too.
Do you wanna bail?

- I can't duck out
On my own party.

- can I buy you dinner?

- um, it's free
And I have some.

- well, you haven't
Even touched yours.

Are you not hungry?

- I'm starving.

Somebody made this
For me.

I don't wanna sound spoiled,

But I can't tell you
How sick I am

Of grilled fish
And fresh fruit.

Now that I'm being
Put out to pasture,

I'm craving all that stuff

I've had to avoid
My whole life.

- I know
This charming little spot

That specializes
In just that cuisine.

- wow.
- yeah.

I, uh, I don't play around
When it comes to junk.

[tess laughs]

- I don't even know
Where to begin.

- well, uh,
Convention says

The cheese crunches
Are the amuse.

They're light,
They're cheesy.

They, uh,
Leave your fingers orange.

The nachos
Are the hors d'oeuvres.

They also leave your fingers
Orange.

And then you've earned
The dog.

- the dog?

- yes, the dog.

- the dog must be earned.

- I can't remember
The last time I had a--

What if I want to start
With the dog?

- I love a rebel.

- monsignieur.

- uh, last time I checked,

The drinking age in new york
Was 21.

- well, while technically
The hamptons are in new york,

They actually occupy

A time-space continuum
Of their own.

- oh, is that right?
- mm-hmm.

- and this is
A chateau avignon from 1990.

The greater crime
Would be to not drink it.

- well, think
How much more aged it'll be

When you're of age
In five years.

- so this wine
Is older than you?

- jill, age is just a number.

- right.

Yeah, everything's
Just a number.

That's how you people think.

- "You people"?

- like mr. Kliner.

He was our biggest donor.

He had plenty of money
To throw a retirement party

For a ballerina,

But not enough
To honor his pledge

To the free clinic.

And for the record,

Free clinics--
They're not free.

Big misnomer.

They're expensive.

Only you can't call 'em that,
Or nobody would come.

- you know what, maybe--

Why don't we, um, why don't
We walk it off a little?

- you wanna go for a walk?

- yeah, let's go.
- let's go for a walk.

- okay.
- okay.

- come with me, jill.

- I mean, just take
The items in this house.

That model boat,
Or that ancient map.

Or these guitars,
Signed by lennon.

John, not vladimir.

- if it were vladimir,

That'd really be
Worth something.

- each one of these gems

Could float a year
Of my clinic.

But I guess paying
God knows what

For a pair of torn jeans is--
Oh.

Oh, my god.

Are these really springsteen's?

- uh, that or they're running
Low on closet space.

- you're cute.

- okay then.

- voila.

Mustard, relish, and onions,

Just as god intended it.

- no ketchup?

- ketchup is for dilettantes
And three year olds.

- well, all right then.

- okay.

I am so gonna enjoy this.

And not just for
The reason you think.

- mm.

- yeah?

- mm-hmm.

- guess it was
Worth the wait.

- mm.

- what happened to me?
- I'm not sure.

Did you eat today?

- no, I was too nervous.

I did have
A glass of wine.

Or two.

- oh.

Do you remember having
Any chest pains,

Shortness of breath,
Headache?

- no, nothing.

Not that I can remember.

- okay, tess,
This is important.

Are you on any meds?

Do you take recreational drugs
Of any kind?

- no, no, nothing like that.

Am I gonna be okay?

I have my last show
Next week.

- for some reason,
Your blood pressure

Went down to a level
That didn't allow blood

To be pumped to your brain.

It may have been a reaction
To your not eating

And then drinking alcohol
While being tired,

And so you fainted.

You should just--
You should go home,

Eat, and get some rest.

And call me
If there are any problems.

- okay, I will do that.
Thank you.

- okay, sure.

- I'll be right back, okay?

- okay.

- thank you for handling that.

You have no idea
How embarrassing this is.

Or maybe you do.

- long story.
She's fine.

- wow, two women passed out.

Mom would be so proud.

- shut up.
Are you okay to drive?

- yeah, unless
They've started spiking

The arctic freezees,
I'm fine.

[shuts off engine]

- hey, jill.

We're here.

- hi.

Uh, how long
Have I been out?

- a couple minutes,
Give or take an hour.

[jill sighs]

Let me help you.

- I'm fine.
I'm fine.

- did you want--

- the letters for my clinic.

Pointless now.

Throw 'em away, please.

They're garbage anyway.

Oh, and...

Thank you
For driving me home.

I'm sure this is not how
You expected your night to go.

- hey, you surprise people.

- hmm.

[knocking at door]

- dr. Lawson?
- hey.

- hi.

- is everything okay?

- I'm sorry to bother you.

I was just wondering
If we could talk in private?

- of course, yeah.

Let's take a walk.

- I, um, wasn't entirely honest
Last night.

I've been dancing
Since I was three,

Professionally
Since I was five.

And don't get me wrong,
I love it.

I loved it, but, um,

We take a pounding.

And sometimes, dancers,
For the pain,

The--the anxiety
Of performance,

Weight,
Trying to stay the best,

We...We take things.

- pain medication?
Diet pills?

- anti-anxiety.

- are you on all three?

- sometimes, yeah.

Do you think
That's what caused me to faint?

- it's possible.

I-I can't know without
Doing some blood work.

I'd love to have divya,
My associate, do a full workup.

- I have to be able
To dance next week.

Dancing's been my whole life,
And--

It's gonna be over soon.

- hey, guys.

- oh...
- that's so weird.

Just going for a run, and...

Just run into people.

What's going on?

- we were just
Going for a walk.

- yeah, I was just
Showing tess the dunes.

- oh, dynamite, dunes.
Okay, cool.

- yeah, I should get going.

Um, I don't wanna
Be late, so...

It was really nice
Seeing you guys.

- yeah, you too, tess.

Great seeing you.

Did I or did I not call dibs?

- relax, I wasn't making a move.

- "Making a move"?

You actually just said that?

- I've been out of the game.

- for how long, since
The sinking of the lusitania?

Wow.

So what were you doing, then?

- talking,
That's all I can say.

- if you're pulling
Doctor-patient confidentiality,

I'm exempt.

- no, actually, you're not.

- uh, need I remind you,

I'm the c.F.O.
Of hankmed, okay?

C.F.O.

- who is also making a move
On my patient.

- she ask about me?

- we weren't talking
About you.

- okay, that wasn't my question.

I like her.

And it's not just 'cause
She's a ballerina, either.

Although I must say
That doesn't hurt.

- look, if you like her,
Then ask her out.

- did she tell you
To tell me that?

- yes, by my locker,
Before homeroom.

We did not talk about you.

- okay, stop saying that.

- uh, excuse me.

Do you know where I can find
James harper?

- go fish yourself.

- excuse me?

- that's the name of his boat.
- ah.

- third boat down the pier.

- okay, uh...

You could've just--
Thank you.

Excuse me.

Are you james harper?

- name's jim.
What do you want?

- hi.
My name's hank lawson.

- you selling something?

- nope, I'm a doctor.

- have a nice day.

- quick guess.

Unless the yellow in your eyes
And your complexion

Is from carrots,

And that paunch
In your midsection

Is from too many budweisers,

My hunch is you've got
The symptoms of hep c.

You need to take care
Of yourself.

I can help you.

- course you can.

Let me guess.

Fill out some forms,
Sit and wait.

And wait.
And wait.

I've been through the system.

Done the patient history.

Gotten the piss-poor care.

And been charged
Through the nose.

- I'll pass.
- I understand.

- you don't understand
The first thing about it,

Doctor.

- look, hey, can I at least
Give you my card?

- no.

- I know you're the chief
Of neurosurgery.

But starting a stereotaxic
Oncological surgery program

Will cost the hospital
Millions in startup

That we just don't have.

[doctor yelling through phone]

Could you yell
A little quieter, please?

[knocks]

[doctor yelling]

Okay. Yeah--

I'm coming down there

To haggle this out
Face to face.

- hi.

- hi.

Um, hi.

- hey.

- uh, whatever I said
Last night,

Whatever I did,
Blanket apology.

I don't drink a lot.

In fact, the last time
I got that drunk,

I had just gotten my degree
In health administration.

And yes, I am aware
Of the irony.

- hey, listen.
You were a lady.

- then I must've been
Really hammered.

Please, sit.

[sighs]

I am not the woman
Who makes a fool of herself

At a party.

I'm the woman
Who makes fun of that woman.

- so you judge.
- yes.

- nice.

- but only in the most
Non-judgmental way.

- right.

- it was a tough night.

I have been working
On that clinic for three years.

And when the economy tanked,

A lot of the donors
Pulled out.

Kliner was my biggest,
Best, and last hope.

- I'm sorry.

Well, this should help.

The hangover, at least.

I have no money to give you,
But I have some aspirin.

- I hope you didn't buy these.

You know, I do work
In a hospital.

- no, I stole them
From your hospital.

- mm.

Okay, I have to go

And haggle
With the chief of radiology.

- uh...So I didn't just come
Bearing aspirin.

I could use your help.

- name it.
- jim harper.

- jim harper?
What about him?

- I'd like to see
His medical file.

- you read
One of my letters.

I can't believe you did that.

- I glanced.

Okay, I read.
I read.

Look, I think he has
Hep c.

- I can't give you
A patient's information

Without their consent.

- well, jim didn't seem
Like the giving type.

- you went to see him?

[stammers]

I can't believe you.

Do you have any idea
How wrong that is,

How unethical?

Not to mention,
You completely violated my trust

By even looking
At that letter.

- I'm sorry, jill,
But sometimes you've got to work

Outside the system, right?

Bend the rules.

- break the law?
- the system is broken.

You know that
As well as I do.

It's why
You're starting your clinic.

- was.

- the man needs help.

Interferon, probably.

I want to help him.
I can help him.

And if we are who we treat
And we treat no one,

What does that make us?

- I'm sorry, hank.

Breaking the rules is not part
Of my job description.

- well, maybe it should be.

- hey.
Everything okay?

- yeah.
Everything okay with you?

- yeah, you texted me.
To come here.

- you showed up
At the wrong mansion.

Hank, you've really got to work
On your concierge doctoring.

- I contacted you.

I'm marshall bryant.

You must be dr. Lawson.

- no, uh, hank.

Nice to meet you.

- look what--
Look what he bought me.

- wow.

Great plane.

- tucker, would you give us
A minute?

- yeah, sure.

- you're younger
Than I imagined.

Most concierge doctors
Around here

Are on their third wives
And last legs.

- well, they've--
They've set the bar high.

- dr. Lawson,
I want to thank you

For taking such good care
Of my son.

- hank, please.

Tucker's quite a young man.

- he is that.

Sometimes I feel
Like I'm the kid

And he's the adult.

- I know what you mean.

- this is for you.

If it's not enough,
You'll let me know.

- oh, uh...
No, I'm sure it's fine.

Thanks.

- I'd love to offer you a drink,
But my jet is waiting.

- right.

- uh, listen, mr. Bryant.

While I have you,
I-I know you're a busy man.

- oh, boy.

Tucker's drug test
Come back positive?

- did his...No.

Um, no.

This is not about
Tucker's health.

Not his physical health.

- what is it about, then?

- uh, well...

I hope I'm not overstepping
Any boundaries here.

Um, tucker seems to be
Missing something in his life.

I--see, I had a similar
Situation when I was his age.

My father...

Well, anyway,
Maybe you could spend

A little more time with him.

He seems like he could use
Some more dad time.

- huh.

You a psychiatrist?

- no.

- psychotherapist?

- no.

- right.

You're a concierge doctor.

Pretty simple concept.

Come when called,
Fix patient, cash check.

- with all due respect,

While that may be
What you're used to,

That's not how I do it.

- however you do it,
Hank,

You don't do it
For us any more.

Let that check
Be your severance, hmm?

[car engine revs]

- hi.

- hi.

- sorry to be laying in wait
At your house,

But I have something for you.

- fine, I'll see
Another property.

But it should have
A fabulous room

And the person showing it
Should have leprosy.

Those are my conditions.

- no, something better.

This was for a patient

Who no longer comes
To the hospital.

- it--it's interferon.

- we're overstocked.

Before this batch
Goes bad,

I thought maybe you knew
Somebody who could use it.

- all right.

- spielberg's pad
Is down that way.

And martha stewart
Has a modest little mansion

Over there.

And the seinfeld summer place

Is about five palaces
On the left.

You can't see it,
But it's over there.

- you seem to be an expert
On the hamptons.

Did you come here
Growing up?

- uh, no,
I moved out to the hamptons

A couple weeks ago.

- really?
- mm-hmm.

- where are you from?

- different habitat.

Brooklyn, via jersey.

But, uh, then hank had
A little premature

Midlife crisis, and...

You know, I guess I did
What any good brother would do.

I sacrificed for family.

- yeah, that hut you're
Living in seems harrowing.

- it's disgusting, you know.

But sometimes you've just
Got to take one for the team.

I know.

[tess laughs]

Seriously, though, it's--
It's been nice.

Life kind of dead-ended for me
In new york.

And I am all about opportunity.

And it's all opportunity
Out here.

Kind of like us right now.

Would you like to grab lunch?

- oh, it's just I'm...

I'm having fun.
I don't want to ruin it.

- what--

- food and I have
A contentious relationship.

Ever since I was a young dancer
Trying to make it.

Kind of messed me up.

- hmm.

Then let me unmess you.

[upbeat music]

*

[music ends]

- I'm back.

- I'll get my harpoon.

- as inviting as that sounds,
I won't stay long.

- the doctor's mantra.

- look, you know,
For what it's worth,

I'm not a big fan
Of hospitals myself.

In fact, I just got fired
By one a few weeks ago.

- well, that's reassuring.

- not--no.
Not for medical reasons.

Look...

Hospitals are bureaucracies,
Right?

Bureaucracies screw people.

They overcharge you
If you're insured,

And they really do it
If you're not,

Just 'cause they can.

You get zero leverage
And no alternatives,

So you get screwed.

It's--it's like out here
With the--

With the gas docks
When they price gouge you

After a hurricane.

The system sucks.

But you're sick.

And you're gonna get sicker
If you don't get treatment.

I'd like to help you.

- that's what they all say.

Then the bill comes.

- there is no bill.

No, I'm gonna be here for you
Week in, week out.

No red tape, no forms.

No harpoon.

Just me.

- so what's the catch?

- you're the fisherman,
You tell me.

- wow, this is quite a spread.

What's on the menu?

- um, okay.

So the best meal I've ever had
In my entire life

Was in machu picchu.

You ever been to machu picchu?

- um, no.

If my company
Doesn't perform there,

I haven't been.

- okay, basically,
It's like heaven on earth.

Like, you have to go
One day.

Like, everybody should go.

Tonight, I have
Recreated that meal

In painstaking detail.

So if you would,
Senorita.

Okay,
Just take a deep breath.

Relax.

[both exhale]

Close your eyes.

- I'm ready.
I'm there.

Mm.

This is really good.

[both laugh nervously]

It tastes really good.

- that's good.
It's--yeah.

It's all about just
Becoming one with the food.

Ready for bite two?

- mm.

Mm, that's delicious.

Wow.

Big points.

I've been on a lot of dates
Around the world,

But you're the first guy
To ever feed me.

- well, you're the first girl
I've ever fed.

So...

- hey, am I interrupting--

- uh, big time.

Would you excuse me
For one second?

Yeah.

- hey.
- hey.

So first of all, get out.

But before you do that,
Just know,

I totally fixed her.

Problem solved.

- uh, which problem
Would we be talking about?

- tess's eating problem.
The whole passing out problem.

All problems?
Solved. Me.

Ask her.
Mind over matter.

[thump]

- what's happening?
- [gasping]

- she's aspirating.

Her food is stuck
In her upper trachea.

Get the emergency medical kit.

- [coughs and gags]

- thank you.

- can I help, or do you want me
To do something?

Oh...

- get it out!
- I'm trying.

All right.

- is she bleeding, or--

- oh, my god.
Okay.

- were you eating
Before you fainted?

- chorizo bouillabaisse.
It's a peruvian specialty.

- chorizo.

The other night
It was a hot dog.

- are you thinking anaphylactic
Reaction to nitrates?

- lines up.

- no, it's not.

- how can you be so sure?

- because it's happened before.

And not just from nitrates.

- why didn't you tell me that?

- there are certain foods
That I love,

That I crave,
That I can't have.

But sometimes I do.

Were you eating this?

- yeah, just a bite.

- okay, um, you're going
On a heart monitor,

And you're gonna eat
A piece of pepperoni pizza.

[heart monitor beeping]

- you really want me
To eat that?

- you really want her
To eat that?

- yes, I really want her
To eat that.

[monitor beeping]

- step it up, hank.

- okay.

Tess, I want you to take
A big bite of the crust.

[crunches]

[beeping]

- whoa, whoa, whoa!
- hank, she's bradying down.

She's going into
Cardiogenic shock.

- shock her! Hit her!
Feed her a snickers!

- do something!
- be patient.

[monitor flatlines]

- hold on.

[steady beeping resumes]

Wait wait wait.

- you okay?

- yeah, I think so.

- stay down, stay down.

Let your body adjust.

- what is it?
What's wrong with her?

Is she allergic
To mediocre pizza, what?

- no.

It's not an allergy.

I think you have
A condition

That's called
Deglutition syncope.

You eat certain foods,
You pass out.

- it's an extremely
Rare condition

That causes
An atrioventricular block

When you eat
Specific types of food.

- yeah, your heart is reacting
To certain carbohydrates.

Some have it with carbonated
Beverages, some with chocolate.

- so it wasn't the hot dog,
It was the bun.

- gold star, evan.

- so...

So there's something wrong
With my heart?

- there is.

You need to see
A cardiologist.

I can recommend one.

Uh, they'll probably want
To put in a pacemaker.

- you know, it's a good thing
We found it.

If you'd had an episode
While you were driving,

I mean,
It could have been fatal.

- wait, hold up a second.
She needs a pacemaker?

- yeah.

- a cardiologist can put it in
Under light sedation.

- will I be able to dance
My final performance?

- yes, as long as you avoid
These carbs.

And after your surgery,

You can enjoy
A long and happy retirement

Eating as much junk food
As you want.

- thank you.

[hank and evan]
You're welcome.

- feed me, I beg you.

- uh, how do you feel
About fish?

- I love fish.

- that's good,
Because some dude named jim

Just dropped off
Two dozen striped bass.

Said they were for you,

And scared the bejeezus
Out of me.

- [laughs]
Me too.

I will explain
Over dinner.

This is civilized.

- yeah.
- like gentlemen.

We should do this
Every night.

- as long as you stay
Out of the kitchen, okay.

- you cook, I'll clean.

I'll even pick up my clothes.
Or try.

- henry.

Done. And done.

- clink.

The two of us,
Keeping a house in order?

Mom would be so...Shocked.

- hi.

- oh, hey.
Come on in.

- I just wanted to say
Thank you.

- oh, yeah.
No need.

It's--it's what I do.

- well, I-I wanted
To say thank you to evan too.

- hi.

How's the old ticker?

- I was just heading out
To mow the--

- bye.
- bye.

- so...I'm leaving tomorrow
To see that cardiologist.

- tomorrow?
Wow, that's soon.

- I know, which is why
I wanted to say thank you

For helping me
Have so much fun.

- you got a warped
Sense of fun, lady.

- no, I mean it.
I had a great time.

I mean, other than
Passing out a lot.

I did a lot of things with you
I haven't done in years.

I usually get that

After I've dated a girl
For a long time.

- I'm serious, evan.

I really loved
Our time together.

I mean, maybe it didn't
Mean much to you,

But it meant a lot
To me.

- uh, it meant a lot
To me too.

- bought a ticket
For machu picchu.

I'm gonna hike it.

I'm flying to cuzco
After the surgery.

- you're going
To machu picchu?

- yeah, after what you said,
How could I not?

- okay, this is awkward.

Um, I made that up.

I've never even been
To machu picchu.

I-I read it in a magazine.

I thought it would
Make the meal sound better.

Like, I couldn't even
Find machu picchu on a map.

I don't even know
What country it's in.

Like, maybe it is a country.

Is it like a mountain village,
Or what is it?

- well, yeah,
After you served, um,

Garlic bread and lobster,

I was wondering
If this greatest meal ever

Was at a sizzler
In machu picchu.

But it doesn't matter.

I'm gonna have an adventure,

And I need an adventure.

- of course.

Okay.

- yeah, but before I go,

There's just this one thing
That I have to do.

- god, I hate machu picchu.

[soft rock music]

*

- that's quite a maneuver,
Maverick.

- maverick?

Who's that?

- oh, I don't know,
A little movie called top--

- top gun.
I know, hank.

I'm just joking.

I am aware
Of american culture pre-ipod.

- [laughs]

Talk to me, goose.

[both laugh]

[plane zooming]

I didn't realize
You were such a daredevil.

- well, as a hemophiliac,

What choice do I have,
You know?

Even slicing an orange
Can be a deadly stunt.

Didn't dad fire you?

- he did.

From being your doctor.

Not from being your friend.

- wanna take it for a spin?

- uh, no.
No, thank you.

Fear of flying.

- yeah, me too.

*

- uh, nice landing, goose.

- hmm, maybe I should've
Rented this place.

Sheila was right
About the view.

- yeah, this one's
Pretty nice.

One of the perks
Of being a local

Is you know
All the best views.

- right.

Were you born here?

- local hamptonite.

Endangered, but not extinct.

Citiots haven't
Killed us off yet.

- mm, thank god.
Right, citiots.

Wait, am I a citiot?

- I'll grant you temporary
Membership to our clan.

- temporary?
What's up with temporary?

Wow.

- thanks for seeing jim.

- yeah, and I'm sorry
About the clinic.

I know how important it was
To you.

- when I was 12,

I was surfing,

And this board
Tore into my arm.

Nearly separated it
From my shoulder.

And the hospital bills were

Way more than my parents
Could handle.

But...Hamptons heritage
Took care of it.

And me, so...

You know, I owe the place
So much.

- hmm, that's why
You work at the hospital?

- yeah, I wanted to help
Do that for others.

Be a part
Of something special.

But, you know, it's not
The same place it was.

We have so much less money,

Less staff,
Less everything.

- hmm.
And that explains the clinic.

- it's a setback.

That's all.

I don't quit.

You need to know that
About me.

Clinic will happen.

- I know it will.

And look, in the future,
If there are any...

Sheilas or jims,
You just give them my number.

- guess you can be both.

- both?

- concierge doctor
To the rich,

And an on-call doctor
To the rest of us.

Robin hood of medicine.

[both laugh]

- as long as no tights
Are involved.

- why not?
You've got nice, strong legs.

- do I, now?

- [laughs]
Not that I've noticed.

- do you remember
Anything you said

While you were
Under the influence

The other night?

- not a word.
Why?

- no reason.
Really.

- but, uh...

For the record,

You are cute.

- excuse me.

Uh, what are you--
What are you doing in our yard?

- uh, just leaving!

- this is our house.
- we were.

Uh, by the way,

Great view.
Great.

-I know.
My view.

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