Original subtitles

Welcome to my lecture, and welcome to my lecture, and

welcome

to

my lecture, and

welcome to

my lecture, and welcome to my lecture.

lays on the buses.

Marvellous, we're not going to carry any more passengers.

I tell you what, they're going to get rid of him.

Sweet.

The company in their infinite wisdom have decided that each bus will have two

-way radio installed in its cab.

What's that got to do with us conductors then?

Well if anything happens to the driver, the conductor will still be there to

get through to the base, won't he?

Right, and the first bus to have one installed will be your number 11, the bus

to the cemetery gates.

Well why pick on us then?

Because a time and motion survey has shown it to be the slowest and most

unpunctual in the whole town, that's why.

Oh blimey mate, you should see the traffic from the high street to the cemetery

gates, it's packed mate.

It's got nothing to do with it, the survey shows that the hearses are getting

there before you.

Blimey mate, they don't have to stop to pick up passengers.

Well only one and he couldn't care less where he's going.

Listen to this will you?

Each bus will be fitted with a two-way radio receiver like this.

Thank you Miss Woodhall.

Now then, there will be a central control in my office there, manned by Miss

Woodhall, who will serve directly under me.

Now this is the basic two-way receiver.

You have to learn the controls.

That is the on position, that is the off.

That's known as the on-off button, right?

I'm glad you told us that, otherwise we wouldn't have known.

Now then, when you hear me call, you will acknowledge by lifting up the

microphone here and pressing the button on the left there like that.

So, right, now before you can use this apparatus, you have to learn a code to

identify yourself.

Well what code's that then?

Just a moment Miss Woodhall, thank you.

Now then, this code here is used to avoid any confusion whatsoever over the

air.

A for Abel, B for Bertie, C for Charlie.

Sorry sir, C only stands for one thing.

What's that?

B for Georgie, H for Otel, I for Idle, that's you two,

J for Juliet, K for Katie.

Oh Sam, you have to go on repeating those words over and over again.

Mind you, I find it a lot more stimulating than his usual conversation.

Well I don't know why he has to learn them all.

I've told you before mum, we're having radio control in the cabs and I've got

to learn this code.

Oh for instance, you don't understand it do you?

No.

If I was referring to Olive, I'd call her Oscar.

Well I don't think that's very nice, calling Olive Oscar.

I don't know, I think it suits her rather well.

Look, you haven't got it at all have you?

No.

Look, her name's Olive and it's spelt O-L-I-V-E, right?

Right.

So in the code I'd say Oscar, Love, Idle, Victor, Easy.

Eh?

Sounds most appropriate.

Oh shut up.

What would Arthur be?

Do you really want me to tell you?

Stan?

No, let me see then, A-R-T-H, now he would be Abel Romeo.

Him?

Abel Romeo?

That's a laugh for a start.

Yeah well it's rather difficult being a Romeo when you happen to be married to

a woman who happens to be an Oscar.

Come on Stan, love, eat up, your stew is getting all cold.

Anyway, I think the whole thing is rather childish.

Bussman's Code?

I mean why don't you just learn to speak the message properly?

Because it would easily be misunderstood.

I mean, if I had to report a bad fog, I would say, here we are, Thursday,

rightly Abel's out, oh, really Oscar's off to go and do yo-yo, and that makes

it clear.

What a lot of rot you do talk, I didn't catch a single word of that.

Oh well, shut up.

Let me get on with it, here we are, now then, R for Romeo, S for sugar, T for

er, I can't see that here.

T for tomato.

Tomato?

I can't remember tomato in it.

Tomato ketchup mate, you've also got a bit of G for gravy and S for stew.

What does all that mean then?

He's a messy eater.

It's T for tango, that's it, I knew it wasn't tomato, T for tango.

Now I'm going to practise on you now mum.

I don't like it.

Now I'm going to ask for it.

Mum, would you mind passing me the Romeo Oscar love loves?

Eh?

You ain't got it, see?

No.

Have you?

No.

Romeo Oscar love loves, that's the roles.

Oh, well I don't think that's decent.

I'm not going into Baker's asking for that anyway, I don't see what difference

this is going to make to the bus service.

Well they couldn't be much worse than they are now.

I mean you stand there for an hour in a queue, then you get a dozen buses all

following one behind the other.

Yeah, well there's a reason for that mate, and it's very technical.

Eh, what's that?

Well the bloke in front's the only one who knows the way.

You may laugh mate, you may laugh.

I mean you're the driver, you always get a seat, don't you?

Yeah.

I mean you're crammed in there in a rush, eh?

You're stacked together like cattle.

Oh yes, he's right love.

Packed like sardines, it's not decent.

Well only the other day a man tried to pinch me.

Eh?

You should have gone for him Mark.

Oh I did.

He said he was fumbling for his change.

Wasn't his change he was fumbling for?

That's quite right.

There was a man on the number nine bus.

He kept touching me.

He was after me alright.

I had witnesses.

You should have reported him, he could have got three months.

Well if I'd been after her, he'd have been found guilty but insane.

You should have gone plain to the conductor.

He was a real nasty type.

He put his hand down on the seat just as I was about to sit down and I sat down

on it.

It was a terrible shock.

I bet it was.

Must have broken his wrist.

Move, move, move.

Stop, stop.

Don't start on each other, leave your brother alone.

Pick on someone your own size.

I'll shout at a lot of you, let me learn this will you.

Right.

F for Freddy, G for Georgie, H for hospital.

I don't know why you bother.

I mean why don't you learn yourself to speak properly?

My stance speaks lovely.

Oh don't talk wet.

Your voice types you mate.

In this country you can tell what a man is immediately he opens his mouth.

Oh can you, can you.

Here well just a minute now.

What about that lovely poem you recited at school?

Yeah.

The reckoning Hesperus.

My dear man that word is Hesperus.

I mean how are you going to be understood over the radio if you continue to

drop your H's?

You're a snob, that's what you are.

I can speak properly if I want to.

All right, all right.

Repeat after me.

Hunting hounds have hardly ever hearkened to handsome Harold's hunting horn.

It's a bit of cake mate.

Go on then, go on.

Hunting hounds have hardly ever hearkened to handsome Harold's hunting horn.

How about that then?

There you are, there you are.

Look, you dropped an H on hardly.

But he picked it up on heather.

No, you shut up now.

Now whether you lot like it or not I've got to learn this gospel.

A for A, B for Bertie, D for Doctor, F for Oscar.

Hunting hounds have hardly ever hearkened to handsome Harold's hunting horn.

Hunting hounds have hardly ever hearkened to handsome Harold's hunting horn.

Handsome Harold's hunting horn.

Oi, who the hell's handsome Harold?

I was just brushing up on the code mate.

We've got to get right for our first radio trip, haven't we?

That's a bloody nuisance, that is.

It's not, you know.

We've got company.

Have we?

Who?

Yeah, Joyce and Edna, they're coming with us.

Sort of training.

They're thinking of issuing them with new equipment.

Well I don't see why.

Their old equipment looks good enough to me.

Here's ten.

When we turn around at the cemetery gates we'll have them to ourselves for

twenty minutes.

Hello darlings.

Welcome aboard at number eleven minus ten.

Jack, Jack, Jack, get aboard.

I'll tell them we're leaving.

Here, mate, get your hand off that radio.

The way you're acting, you'll probably blow a fuse.

Hello?

Hello?

Control here, calling Sugar Bertie eleven.

Are you receiving me?

This is the final check before leaving.

Over.

Hey, who's Sugar Bertie?

That's me.

I'm Sugar Bertie.

Sugar Bertie.

S.B. stands for Stan Butler.

Sugar Bertie, that's me.

Sugar Bertie?

All right, that's so you're dear.

Go on, sit down.

Sugar Bertie, Sugar Bertie, are you receiving me?

Over.

Sugar Bertie to Control.

I'm ready to leave the depot.

Over.

Sugar Bertie eleven, why aren't you acknowledging me?

Over.

I am acknowledging you.

Over.

Over.

Sugar Bertie eleven, why aren't you answering me?

Sugar Bertie eleven, here I am answering you.

Over.

Well, why aren't I receiving you then?

Over.

Because you had the door shut.

Over.

Look, go back inside and I'll start again.

Oh, there's no time now.

Sugar Bertie eleven, you're clear.

Over.

Okay, Control.

Here, just a minute, don't go yet.

I just found out why it wasn't working.

What technique?

I didn't have the switch pressed down.

Look, I'll show you.

Oi!

Oi!

Oh, that's it.

Here you are, darling.

Oh, thank you.

Do you want one of my maroons?

No, thanks, not just now.

All right.

Right, I'll just get back to Control and tell Blake we've arrived at the

cemetery gates.

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, Stan.

Yeah?

What?

Tell him we won't be here for another ten minutes.

What are you talking about?

We're here.

Yeah, give us more time to chat up the birds, see?

Sugar Bertie eleven, Sugar Bertie eleven to Control.

Over.

Hello?

Control here.

Come in, Sugar Bertie.

Where are you?

What is your position?

We're stuck in the traffic jam at Acker Street and we won't be at the cemetery

gates for another twenty minutes.

Over.

Message received, Sugar Bertie.

Over.

See?

The system works.

I know exactly where they are.

These'll keep me in order.

Message received, eleven forty-two, Miss Woodhall.

Right.

Hello, Sugar Bertie.

Proceed to the cemetery gates.

Wait there for seven minutes.

When you're ready to leave, call me back.

Over.

It worked a treat!

Yeah, look, I'll be chatting up Joyce, so it is all yours, you lucky bee.

She fancies you.

Yeah, yeah, you sure?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You take her off somewhere and I'll get in the bus with my bit.

Hang on!

Blimey, you've got all the bus!

This is a cemetery, you know!

What am I supposed to do, snog her up against one of the tombstones?

Listen, mate, inside of the bus is my pitch.

You've got the cab.

What could I do inside a cab?

Well, use your imagination.

Whoa!

Yeah, well, we've just been out to Blakey.

There's no hurry.

Edna, love, we've got another ten minutes and I thought you'd come in.

I'll show you how to work the radio in a cab like for like.

Yeah, all right then.

Come in, Joyce.

You're joking.

I think I'll stay here.

I'll go inside with Jack.

Go on, love.

Yeah, well, I'll take off my ticket machine then.

You'll have to get inside, love, you see, because I can't show you outside.

Oh, all right then.

Give us a hand up.

Right, I'll help.

Oh, excuse fingers.

I'll have to get inside, darling, because it's a bit...

You'll be squeezing it.

Oh, look at that!

The door's shut behind me.

You've never been in a driving suit before?

No, I've never had a passenger before, I tell you the truth.

Here, hold on, Stan.

You're squashing me.

Yeah, well, I can't help it, darling, because it's only...

Oh, look, I tell you what.

Look, put your arm round there.

See what I mean?

More room for us then, you see.

What's that hissing noise?

Well, that's the radio.

It's got to be kept on all the time, you see.

Do you mean he can hear everything we're saying?

No, no, no.

No, he can get through to us any time he likes, but, you see, he can't hear me

until I press the switch on the microphone.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

I think it's about time I checked to see whether that number 11 got the

cemetery gates yet.

Thank you.

Marvellous, this system, you know, Miss Woodall.

I can check on them any time I like.

I thought of this, you know.

Hello?

Control here, calling Sugar Bertie 11.

Are you receiving me?

Where are you?

What is your position?

Are you receiving me?

Lovely.

Sugar Bertie 11, are you there yet?

Over.

Not yet.

I don't work that fast.

Oh, Stan!

Sugar Bertie, Sugar Bertie.

Are you sure he can't hear us?

Of course he can't, darling.

Not until I put the switch down on the microphone.

I've got to show you how it works anyway.

Here we go, look.

Now, I've got it like this, you see.

Right, that's it.

Press the button down like this.

Sugar Bertie 11 to Control.

Over.

Sugar Bertie 11, Control here.

Listen, but you keep in closer contact, you understand?

Over.

Yeah, the closer the better.

We've arrived at the cemetery gates.

Don't, no, don't, don't, don't.

I know, I know.

Oh, it's just a bit of local interference.

That's very funny.

None of the other busmen have had any of that.

You're not having my luck.

Over and out.

Here, are you positive he can't hear?

Oh, how many more times have I got to tell you, darling?

Of course he can't, not until you put the switch down.

Now, look, sweetheart, we've only got another seven minutes.

Oh, come on.

Oh, I'm all for this radio control, you know.

Now, this is what I call radio control.

Hello?

Hello?

That was Butler's voice.

Hello?

Are you receiving me?

Are you receiving me?

Over.

You know, you see, you get lonely in a cab, you know.

I do know some of you.

Fancy June.

The first time I saw you in a debt, I fancied you.

You've got lofty eyes.

You look really in there.

Because you're different, you see.

Yeah.

I bet you've got a lot of boyfriends, ain't you?

He's going mad.

Oh, Stan, give over talking.

Give us another kiss.

I wouldn't do that.

You take over talking.

I'll pick up that bus on the way back.

Come on, then, break it up.

Ah, Blimey, what's the matter now?

Ah, there's some passengers who want to get on.

Oh, ain't it marvellous, eh?

If it wasn't for the passengers, we should be a decent sort of a job.

Come on, love.

Here, Stan, can you get any music on that radio of yours?

No, of course you can't.

Oh, yes, you can.

A bloke at the depot shoved me out the door.

You got a nail folder?

We can do it.

It's quite easy.

All you do is shove it in the back there.

Hey, listen, mate, I'm responsible for that, you know.

That's all right.

Well, don't mess about.

Delta Tango 14, are you receiving me?

Delta Tango 14, are you receiving me, over?

Hey, that must be one of our blokes on the 14 route.

Tango 14, are you receiving me, over?

Blimey, he's got his la-di-da voice, hasn't he?

Let's see if we can chat with him.

Sugar Bunny 11 here, are you receiving me, number 14, over?

Delta Tango 14, we are going to Chicago via London, New York and Boston, over.

Sugar Bunny Tango, if you take my advice, mate, you go to the gasworks by the I

Street.

Otherwise, they'll get me on here.

Tango 14, will you get off my wavelength, please?

Otherwise, I'll report you to Central Control, over.

Cheeky devil.

Go on, give him a mouthful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sugar Tango here, you can go and get Sugar Tango Uncle Freddy Freddy Easy

Delta.

Delta Tango 14, what code are you using, over?

The busman's code, of course, over.

Delta Tango 14.

Delta Tango 14.

Where are you?

What is your height?

What is your height?

You'd better keep clear of it.

What is your height, over?

Five foot two in me socks, what's yours?

Delta Tango 14, will you get off my wavelength?

I'm coming in for my final approach.

Final approach?

Blimey, that's not a bus, that's a plane.

That'd be dark.

Can't get aeroplanes on here.

Look, he's up there, look, mate.

God, blimey, he is, too.

God, look at him.

Hey, look, that's what the Delta Tango is, you see?

DT on his wings, see?

That's right.

Quick, quick, get this back to normal before I get shot.

Sugar Birdie 11, are you receiving me?

Please acknowledge, over.

That's it, that's it, that's it.

Yeah, I'll twiddle it and get her better than that.

Oh, no, you won't, mate.

Blimey, first you get aeroplanes, next you'll have the police, the ambulance and

the lifeboat from Beachy Head.

Get going.

Come on, then.

Hang about, hang about.

I'm going to have a word with your driver.

Butler?

What?

What do you mean by sending out them filthy messages over the radio?

It's not a tie, you know.

What are you talking about?

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Blimey, I was only joking.

Joking?

You said I had nice eyes.

Well, if I said that, mate, I must have been joking.

You also said you fancied me.

I'm reporting you for that, Butler.

No busman's ever said anything like that to me before.

You must be using the wrong sort of soap.

Delta Control, Delta Control.

Warning, Sugar Birdie 11.

Sugar Birdie 11, Sugar Birdie 11, over.

There's a burst water main in Market Street.

Please divert to avoid hold-up.

Hey, did you hear that, Blackie?

You've any passions on board?

No, I slung them off at the last stop.

Right, turn left into Hackney Street and get a move on.

Hang on, hang on.

I don't know that district very well.

I'm not getting a move on.

I'm taking it easy.

Never mind about taking it easy or running late as it is.

You get a move on.

I'm getting on the back to see you do.

All right, then.

That's the way you want it, mate.

All right, then.

That's it, then.

Jack, you all right, mate?

You all right?

What do you want to go and do that for?

God, you nearly killed us.

Bloody hit the top, mate.

I nearly went through the windscreen.

Yeah, well, what about me?

I was thrown at the ground.

Oh, blimey, at least you fell on something soft.

Thank you.

Well, anyway, let's argue in a toss like this.

Where's Blackie?

Oh, he's all right.

He's upstairs.

Upstairs?

Have you seen the...

Blackie, Blackie, are you all right?

Oh, blimey, Blackie, I've got to be honest.

That's the first time I've been glad to see you.

You did it on purpose, didn't you?

You tried to kill me.

No, I didn't, mate.

It was your idea to go round that way.

I mean, this ain't a single deck of bus, you know.

It is now.

I'll get you for this, but I'll never forget that.

As long as I live, I saw that arch coming at me.

I just tucked down in the nick of time.

Oh, well, thank God we've got a radio on board anyway.

Get in that cab, get back to base, tell them we're marooned out here stuck

under a bridge.

It's a good idea, but there's only one thing wrong with that.

What?

Radios don't work under a bridge.

All right, get on, Sam.

What did the manager say?

Well, what could he say?

I mean, it was Blakie's idea I went round that way, so I told him it was an act

of God.

Well, I see they've taken the radios out of the buses, then.

Yeah, yeah.

Mind you, the damage, god blimey, you know, cost a bit.

It cost about 10,000 quid.

Don't be daft, mate.

I mean, a whole new bus only costs 3,000.

Oh, I see you haven't got the message, have you?

Well, you see, our bus was stuck under that bridge harder than I thought.

Oh, yeah?

What do you mean?

Well, when they took the bus away, the bridge fell down.

Oh, I

see.