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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:48,180 --> 00:00:50,340 Hey, I'm starving, where's the sausage rolls? 2 00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:53,540 Oh, blimey, I forgot those, hang on, I'll stick them up. 3 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:55,940 On the manifold, here. 4 00:00:58,980 --> 00:01:00,600 Oh, blimey, that's not a treat, mate. 5 00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:02,640 Look at that, good job the engine was over-eating. 6 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,760 Oh, mate, here, where's the chips? 7 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,560 Oh, yeah, hang on. 8 00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:19,600 Nah, want another couple of minutes, yeah? 9 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,500 Here, Greg, how long have we got to go? 10 00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:25,400 I mean, when were you out? 11 00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:26,960 Five minutes ago. 12 00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:27,980 Five minutes? 13 00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:30,540 Blimey, we've got another 10 minutes, yeah, haven't we? 14 00:01:34,140 --> 00:01:35,360 Yeah, we'd better watch it now. 15 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,260 Old Hitler's on the warpath today. 16 00:01:37,740 --> 00:01:38,180 Old Blakey? 17 00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:38,420 Yeah. 18 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,060 He'll never come to the cemetery gates. 19 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,340 The only time he'll come here, mate, is when they crack him in a box. 20 00:01:47,460 --> 00:01:50,720 You two must have driven me into an early grave, wouldn't you? 21 00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:54,120 Come on, when do you think you're on, you two lazy loafing larding layabouts? 22 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,120 Well, I was having a bit of crab at dinner. 23 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,080 Dinner? 24 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:57,540 Yeah. 25 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,880 You're supposed to be due out five minutes ago. 26 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,020 We couldn't, the chips weren't ready. 27 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:10,400 Let's have another go. 28 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,520 Oh, beautiful, that's my one. 29 00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:14,980 Chips? 30 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,020 What do you think you're on, mate? 31 00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:19,240 You're supposed to be running a service, we're not about to fork them in 32 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:19,560 public. 33 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:20,800 Let them get their own chips. 34 00:02:25,860 --> 00:02:28,520 Wait, come on, get that knob cleaned up, come on, jump to it. 35 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,200 You've checked the top deck, have you? 36 00:02:30,220 --> 00:02:30,880 Of course I have. 37 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,660 I don't believe you, I'll check it myself. 38 00:02:34,340 --> 00:02:37,280 You two change the destination boards and get that knob cleaned up right away, 39 00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:37,620 come on. 40 00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:40,080 Hey, Planky, lend us your pencil, will you? 41 00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:41,380 I want to fill in my weight bill. 42 00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:44,260 Yeah, it's a vector, eh? 43 00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:46,600 Just right for stirring up tea, eh? 44 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,900 Go on, we'll get our chip boards, mate. 45 00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:49,840 Yeah, I'll give you a hand. 46 00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:50,360 Come on, then. 47 00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:55,700 A bit of wine. 48 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:57,760 I'll tell you when. 49 00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:58,660 Morning. 50 00:03:01,420 --> 00:03:02,300 Right, where are we? 51 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:02,980 No, where are we? 52 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,200 Right, no, back, back, back a bit, hurry up, back a bit. 53 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:07,520 That'll do, we'll go there. 54 00:03:12,820 --> 00:03:14,300 Right, this tea tastes funny. 55 00:03:14,580 --> 00:03:15,540 I'm not surprised. 56 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,080 Before you stirred the tea with that pencil, he had it in his mouth. 57 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,100 There might not be an antidote for it. 58 00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:25,160 You're sure he had this in his mouth? 59 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:25,920 Of course I did. 60 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,860 Look, you can see his teeth marks on the end of the pencil. 61 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:29,820 No wonder they call him Dracula. 62 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,840 Oh, oh, oh, God. 63 00:03:33,060 --> 00:03:33,760 What's happened to him? 64 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,940 Oh, oh, oh. 65 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,960 Hello, Planky, what's up? 66 00:03:39,060 --> 00:03:39,360 What's that? 67 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:40,600 He's slipped on the chips. 68 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:43,720 Blimey, we can't eat them now. 69 00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:46,500 Hey, perhaps he's broken something. 70 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:47,420 Yeah, he has, look. 71 00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:48,460 He's clipped one. 72 00:03:48,940 --> 00:03:49,040 Here you are. 73 00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:50,640 Here you are. 74 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:51,640 Oh! 75 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,000 He, uh, he don't look too good to me. 76 00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:56,740 Never did. 77 00:03:57,660 --> 00:03:58,700 Hey, get the first aid book, mate. 78 00:03:58,720 --> 00:03:59,300 Yeah, all right, yeah. 79 00:03:59,660 --> 00:03:59,960 What do you want? 80 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,000 Oh, go home! 81 00:04:02,180 --> 00:04:03,820 You've got balls, you've got balls. 82 00:04:03,940 --> 00:04:04,860 I'll strain his leg out. 83 00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:06,800 No, don't, no, no, don't leave it. 84 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:07,380 You've got to have it. 85 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:07,960 Leave it! 86 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,140 That's it, right now, then. 87 00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:12,700 What's it say? 88 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:13,100 Here you are. 89 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:13,500 False. 90 00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:16,880 Untold damage can be done by moving an injured person. 91 00:04:17,260 --> 00:04:20,959 Don't attempt to change the position of the victim until the nature of the 92 00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:21,900 injury is known. 93 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:24,000 Otherwise... 94 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:24,880 Otherwise what? 95 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:26,520 Dunno, next page's been torn out. 96 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,880 I'll see if I can find me any damage he's done, then. 97 00:04:30,260 --> 00:04:30,880 It's me leg. 98 00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:31,920 Oh, no, it's your leg, Blanky. 99 00:04:31,940 --> 00:04:32,660 Hang on a minute, mate. 100 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:33,240 I think... 101 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:33,740 Does it hurt there? 102 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:34,600 No, it doesn't. 103 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:34,920 How about there? 104 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:35,200 Ow! 105 00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:36,620 That's it, that's his knee. 106 00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:37,480 Look, watch it, watch it. 107 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:37,780 Oh! 108 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:38,360 It hurts. 109 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:38,860 Yeah, it hurts. 110 00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:44,080 Have you got any cold water? 111 00:04:44,620 --> 00:04:46,600 Where the hell am I going to get cold water from? 112 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:47,100 Oh, it's alright. 113 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:48,520 My tea's stone cold. 114 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:49,060 We'll use that. 115 00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:51,440 You can't put that all over me! 116 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:52,660 Go away, I had a bit of a cold. 117 00:04:52,780 --> 00:04:53,900 It's canteen tea. 118 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:55,380 Kills all known germs. 119 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:58,760 How am I going to get it up his leg, then? 120 00:04:58,880 --> 00:04:59,940 Well, shove it up his trousers. 121 00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:00,360 Oh, yeah. 122 00:05:02,860 --> 00:05:03,940 Oh, oh, oh, oh. 123 00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:04,640 No, wait a minute. 124 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:05,840 He's too tall. 125 00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:06,600 I can't get it up there. 126 00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:07,700 I've got an idea. 127 00:05:07,820 --> 00:05:08,060 Hang on. 128 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,660 Open the coat a minute, Blakey, will you? 129 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:11,820 Oh, yeah. 130 00:05:13,420 --> 00:05:13,980 Go away! 131 00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:14,640 What's he doing? 132 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:15,960 You can't do it in a public place! 133 00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:16,820 What are you talking about? 134 00:05:17,420 --> 00:05:19,360 I'm trying to get a cold compress on your knee. 135 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:19,860 Now, look here. 136 00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:23,380 If I can't shove it down, and I can't shove it up, how am I going to get it on 137 00:05:23,380 --> 00:05:23,520 there? 138 00:05:23,980 --> 00:05:25,360 How do you feel about swallowing it? 139 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:26,920 Ow! 140 00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:31,260 I'll tell you what I'll do. 141 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,860 I'll roll his trousers leg up as far as I can get it, and then... 142 00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:35,160 Oh. 143 00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:35,700 Ooh. 144 00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:36,140 Here. 145 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:36,340 Oh. 146 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:37,460 Here, look at that. 147 00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:39,000 He's got a nasty gash on his leg, hasn't he? 148 00:05:39,260 --> 00:05:40,320 Give us a plaster, Jack. 149 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:40,900 Here you are. 150 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:41,480 Yeah. 151 00:05:41,780 --> 00:05:42,120 Hang on. 152 00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:43,120 Take that stuff off before me. 153 00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:43,820 I'll just get the bits off. 154 00:05:43,980 --> 00:05:44,080 Yeah. 155 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,420 I never could do that properly. 156 00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:47,620 Yeah, just like Bren Jam. 157 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,940 Always goes the wrong side up, doesn't it? 158 00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:49,680 Yeah, never mind. 159 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,100 You can't use that now. 160 00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:52,000 It's not sterile. 161 00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:54,020 You're talking about this bus was scrubbed this morning. 162 00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:55,480 Right. 163 00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:57,400 Take it off. 164 00:05:57,660 --> 00:05:58,520 Take it off! 165 00:05:58,780 --> 00:05:58,940 Hey. 166 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:00,960 Take it off! 167 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:01,720 I just put it on. 168 00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:02,860 Well, take it off again! 169 00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:03,360 All right, then. 170 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:04,240 Ow! 171 00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:10,640 I hate you, Bucko. 172 00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:12,100 I hate you. 173 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,040 I hate you! 174 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,300 Get that cap and get me back to the demo, go on. 175 00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:17,120 Yeah, all right, then. 176 00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,760 Is there anything else we can do for you, Blackie? 177 00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:20,420 Listen, give me my pencil back. 178 00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:22,860 I'm putting almost anything in my report about you two. 179 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:23,660 Oh, blimey. 180 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:24,480 He's getting better, hasn't he? 181 00:06:24,940 --> 00:06:25,260 Ow! 182 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,720 Oh, you couldn't kick your leg out, should you? 183 00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:30,840 Help him back in the bus, now. 184 00:06:30,860 --> 00:06:31,260 Come on, then. 185 00:06:31,420 --> 00:06:31,920 Up you come. 186 00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:32,600 That's it. 187 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:34,840 You weigh a tonne, you do. 188 00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:35,340 Come on, then. 189 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,360 Oh, I'll never make it. 190 00:06:36,380 --> 00:06:37,360 Hey, I'll tip it round there. 191 00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:37,780 That'll do. 192 00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:40,260 Here, I'll tell you what, Blackie. 193 00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:41,320 Have a fag. 194 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:42,340 Take your mind off it. 195 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:42,600 Here. 196 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:44,380 All right, then. 197 00:06:44,540 --> 00:06:45,160 Take it away! 198 00:06:45,260 --> 00:06:46,500 No, no, no, no. 199 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:47,380 You do it properly. 200 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,240 To start the bus, give two distinct rings on the bell. 201 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:51,660 You stick to the regulations. 202 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:52,860 Yeah, stick to the regulations. 203 00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:53,560 All right, I will. 204 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,400 If you're going to smoke, you'll have to go upstairs. 205 00:06:58,280 --> 00:06:59,520 Put that fag out. 206 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,120 Ha ha ha ha ha! 207 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:02,960 Ow! 208 00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:03,360 Oh! 209 00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:52,560 Come on, then, Blackie. 210 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:53,480 There you go, Blackie. 211 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,120 All right. 212 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,320 All right, that'll be good, there. 213 00:07:55,580 --> 00:07:56,220 That's it, now. 214 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:56,560 Come on. 215 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:57,080 It's steady. 216 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:57,800 You all right? 217 00:07:57,980 --> 00:07:59,180 Give us a hand while you stand. 218 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,260 Come on, Blackie, we'll get you over to the first aid room, mate. 219 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:04,480 Oh, what's happened? 220 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:05,760 Oh, he slipped on the chips. 221 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,380 Oh, you poor thing. 222 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,460 Yeah, no, he's had his chips. 223 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:09,660 Oh, yeah, let me help. 224 00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:11,400 I've got my first aid bench. 225 00:08:11,420 --> 00:08:13,380 Oh, thank God, it's something with a bit of... 226 00:08:13,380 --> 00:08:14,880 Sit down on the bench, love. 227 00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:15,940 You know what, my up, go on. 228 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,100 Let me see. 229 00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:21,880 Oh, how nasty. 230 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,640 Oh, yeah, it's swollen. 231 00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:27,040 Let's massage it, see if it helps. 232 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,159 God, Blimey, what a waste, eh? 233 00:08:34,659 --> 00:08:35,860 How does that feel? 234 00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:36,320 Let me see. 235 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,480 My knee hurts a little bit, I know this. 236 00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:42,700 Better find out if it's swelling up. 237 00:08:42,799 --> 00:08:43,860 It is swelling up, eh? 238 00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:51,360 Blimey, mate, when I press you... 239 00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:54,980 Oh, Blimey, mate, I've taken her out some time, she's never done that to me. 240 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,740 That's probably cos you was trying to do it to her. 241 00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:00,860 Stand up, love. 242 00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:03,560 I'll support your leg to keep the weight off your ankle. 243 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:04,180 I'll give you a hand. 244 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,540 No, you won't, you go on. 245 00:09:06,140 --> 00:09:09,360 If you put your hand in the wrong place, it could lead to trouble. 246 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,420 I bet it's not the first time a bird's said that to you. 247 00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,460 Give her a hand, Rosie. 248 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,480 Oh, Blimey, look at that, isn't it marvellous, eh? 249 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:22,940 And he's only got a strain. 250 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:25,500 I'd strain myself with those two any day. 251 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,060 Let's have a cup of tea, mate, come on. 252 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:35,700 Oh, well... 253 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,400 I heard this noise, see? 254 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,560 And he slipped on the chips. 255 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,580 And he got his leg twisted right under him. 256 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,840 I've never laughed at that since I've interrupted himself. 257 00:09:46,980 --> 00:09:49,080 Well, it could have been very serious. 258 00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:50,980 It could have ruined him for life. 259 00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:51,780 It did. 260 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,520 I'm afraid I don't find it very amusing. 261 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:59,900 Why, look, mate, Blimey, what was I supposed to do? 262 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:04,040 It's elementary, mate, you keep the patient warm, you then look round to see if 263 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,860 he's all right for treating for shock. 264 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,600 Oh, come off it, all right? 265 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,060 Supposing he hadn't had shock? 266 00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:11,420 If he saw you were treating him, he soon would have, wouldn't he? 267 00:10:12,140 --> 00:10:14,620 Blimey, we want a public servant driving a bus. 268 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,480 It's up to you to know how to cope with sprains and fractures. 269 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:18,560 Yes, and burns. 270 00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:19,140 Burns? 271 00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:20,100 Yes. 272 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:21,880 What do I want to know about burns for? 273 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,920 Well, it can happen very easily. 274 00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:27,320 Only yesterday I upset a saucepan full of sprouts. 275 00:10:27,380 --> 00:10:30,260 Blimey, we don't get saucepans of sprouts on the bus, do we? 276 00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:33,980 No, mate, but you do carry vast quantities of inflammable fuel. 277 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,220 Well, as it so happens, Mr Clever-Bunce, I do know how to treat burns. 278 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:38,460 Oh? 279 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:39,080 Yeah. 280 00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:40,620 You put marge on them. 281 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,480 What a lot of rot you two talk! 282 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,960 No, Arthur, he's perfectly right. 283 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,760 I always put marge on their burns when they was little. 284 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,500 Here, do you remember the time Olive sat on the poker? 285 00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:53,040 Yeah. 286 00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:57,480 I massaged her little bottom with marge. 287 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:58,600 Little bottom? 288 00:10:58,740 --> 00:10:59,860 That strains the imagination. 289 00:11:02,020 --> 00:11:04,540 Anyway, that marge took the burn right out. 290 00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:05,420 Oh, no, it didn't. 291 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:06,380 I've still got a scar. 292 00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:07,680 I've never seen it. 293 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,300 You've only been married nine years, haven't you? 294 00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:14,960 Well, as I got older, the skin stretched and it moved and it came round to my 295 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:15,260 stomach. 296 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,080 Must have made a very long journey. 297 00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:19,180 Arthur. 298 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,500 I'll show it to you tonight, Arthur. 299 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,300 You do that lovingly and I'll treat him for shock. 300 00:11:32,060 --> 00:11:35,100 So, anyway, old Hitler may never walk again with a bit of luck. 301 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,120 Oh, poor love. 302 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:37,120 See you, dog. 303 00:11:37,260 --> 00:11:37,500 Ta-ra. 304 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,040 Morning, Jack. 305 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,500 Nice morning this morning. 306 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:42,540 It's not, you know, look. 307 00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:48,400 Dracula walks again. 308 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,300 He should have put more nails in his coffee. 309 00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:54,220 Get that fag out, come on. 310 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,300 Blakey, how's the knee then? 311 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:56,400 Yeah. 312 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,640 Doctor says I've strained a ligament in it. 313 00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:01,320 Yeah, well, it can easily do that, you know. 314 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,020 When you've got your leg twisted under you like you had it. 315 00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,520 I didn't do it when I had it twisted under me. 316 00:12:05,580 --> 00:12:07,020 I did it when you straightened it out. 317 00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:09,880 Get out of my... 318 00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:12,680 I've got an official notice here from the office. 319 00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:13,120 Oh, yeah? 320 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:14,860 It concerns yous too. 321 00:12:15,180 --> 00:12:15,760 Read it, Jack. 322 00:12:15,780 --> 00:12:16,140 What's it say? 323 00:12:17,420 --> 00:12:18,020 What's it say? 324 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:22,340 It has come to the notice of the management that some busmen have not studied 325 00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:23,400 the first aid manual. 326 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:27,200 All bus crews will therefore be tested on their first aid knowledge as and when 327 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:27,820 notified. 328 00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:29,040 When will that be? 329 00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:30,240 We used to. 330 00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,600 Tomorrow morning. 331 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,660 Who's going to test us then? 332 00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:36,400 I am. 333 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:40,380 You? 334 00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:42,500 What do you know about the subject? 335 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:43,980 I've been a victim, haven't I? 336 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,080 That's what I know about it. 337 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,940 And anyone who don't pass the test is going to be delegated to other filthy 338 00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:52,060 tasks, i.e. cleaning or maintenance. 339 00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:56,060 Blakey, I've got a date with a bird tonight. 340 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:56,520 So? 341 00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:59,680 I won't have time to study the first aid, will I? 342 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,380 So I can always practise that bit about stretching them out and loosening their 343 00:13:03,380 --> 00:13:03,800 clothing. 344 00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:04,480 Oh, go on. 345 00:13:05,420 --> 00:13:09,460 What I meant, if I haven't got time to study the manual, do I get extra time? 346 00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:11,500 Oh, yes, you can have all the time in the world. 347 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:16,020 Because if you're not ready to take the test tomorrow morning, you're going to 348 00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:16,760 be suspended. 349 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:22,980 LAUGHTER Upsets me to see him like that, Jack. 350 00:13:23,180 --> 00:13:24,460 It's all right, it's only strained his leg. 351 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:25,460 That's what upsets me. 352 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,460 He should have broken his flaming neck. 353 00:13:31,740 --> 00:13:32,700 Suspected fracture. 354 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:38,340 Place casualty in comfort position with injured part well supported. 355 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,180 Don't give the... 356 00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:45,360 Don't give the patient anything to eat or drink because they may shortly be 357 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,780 having an anaesthetic. 358 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,220 If the patient... 359 00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,700 Oh, blimey, I'll never learn it on my own. 360 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:53,700 KNOCKING Arthur! 361 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:59,380 KNOCKING Blimey, he goes to bed to die, this fella. 362 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,220 What do you want? 363 00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:02,500 It's gombit night. 364 00:14:04,220 --> 00:14:06,700 Arthur, I've got to learn my first aid by tomorrow morning. 365 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:07,780 I'll never do it, give us a hand, will you? 366 00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:09,480 Well, that is your fault, mate. 367 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,700 You should have studied it earlier. 368 00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:13,120 I suppose you were out wasting your time on some bird. 369 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,500 You are dead right. 370 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:15,780 She was a complete loss. 371 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,180 Well, I'm very sorry, but I'm going back to bed to get some shut-eye. 372 00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:21,800 Oh, Arthur, there you are. 373 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,660 I've had me bath, are you coming to bed? 374 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:24,300 Aye. 375 00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:26,780 Aye? 376 00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:27,140 Yeah. 377 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:28,200 No. 378 00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:33,360 As a matter of fact, I was going to help Stan here with his first aid. 379 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:34,660 How long are you going to be? 380 00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:35,400 About half an hour. 381 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,740 But I've used that new soap and scented bath oil. 382 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:40,740 I've had a glamour bath. 383 00:14:40,740 --> 00:14:41,800 Have you, really? 384 00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:43,980 You didn't stay in long enough. 385 00:14:45,620 --> 00:14:46,840 How is your wound? 386 00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:50,580 Look, it's made me skin all soft and smooth. 387 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,820 Yeah, it's brought out the exotic radiance of your chill-blades, hasn't it? 388 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:57,100 Right, let's get on with it, then. 389 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:57,640 Yeah. 390 00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,840 What did you get up to? 391 00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:03,460 Er, page two, er, a bit about fractures, yeah. 392 00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:04,200 Right. 393 00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:06,260 How do you make a sling? 394 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:07,980 A sling? 395 00:15:08,020 --> 00:15:09,460 Yes, a sling, they're bound to ask you that. 396 00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:12,380 Well, blimey, I ain't got nothing to make one with, have I? 397 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,240 Well, you just have to improvise, won't you? 398 00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:16,460 Here, give us those tights. 399 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:19,000 There we are. 400 00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:22,200 Oh, Arthur, it's not right, you're wearing my tights around your neck like 401 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:22,560 that. 402 00:15:22,740 --> 00:15:24,140 Well, it's all right, love, as long as you're not in them. 403 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,560 Come on, get on with it, get on with it. 404 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,740 Here, here, this is a smashing idea of yours, Arthur. 405 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,580 I mean, if we happen to have a casualty on the bus, you see, I nip up to the 406 00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:36,940 nearest bird, whip my tights off and say it's an emergency. 407 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,520 Do you mind stop drooling and get on with it? 408 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:42,980 How's it, then, love? 409 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,560 It says here the hands should be pointed up at the shoulder. 410 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:46,780 How's that? 411 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,080 Will you stop messing about? 412 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,060 I wasn't messing about! 413 00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:50,580 I won't help. 414 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:51,520 Oh. 415 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:52,720 Let's get on with the next thing. 416 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:55,460 Haemorrhage and bleeding. 417 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:55,840 Right. 418 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:56,560 Right. 419 00:15:57,340 --> 00:15:59,660 You've got to act fast to save someone's life, what do you do? 420 00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:01,860 Er, er... 421 00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:02,420 Come on, come on. 422 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:03,460 All right, all right, don't rush me. 423 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,440 Put a sticking plaster on it. 424 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:05,800 Ha! 425 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,280 Sticking plaster's not going to help my cut artery, is it, mate? 426 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,140 You've got to put pressure on the pressure points, you've got to learn where 427 00:16:12,140 --> 00:16:12,600 they are. 428 00:16:12,780 --> 00:16:13,800 You want to practise on someone? 429 00:16:14,260 --> 00:16:16,300 But I ain't got nobody to practise on, have I? 430 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:16,560 Right. 431 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,200 Olive, lie on the bed. 432 00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:20,640 I said lie on the bed. 433 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:24,580 Don't get excited, love. 434 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:25,800 Just practise being a patient. 435 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:27,560 Right. 436 00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:31,760 Now, then, tell me where you'd press to stop the blood gushing out her foot, 437 00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:31,940 say. 438 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:34,400 Er... 439 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:34,720 There? 440 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:35,880 No. 441 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:37,280 There? 442 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:37,700 No. 443 00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:39,240 There? 444 00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:41,280 My good man, higher up. 445 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,720 You're a rascal, you do it. 446 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,200 No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm a fussy. 447 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,440 All right, I will show you. 448 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,920 You press very firmly there. 449 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,940 Oh, Arthur, sure that's the right place? 450 00:16:57,740 --> 00:16:59,160 All right, you show me now. 451 00:16:59,540 --> 00:16:59,680 Right. 452 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,619 If the blood's gushing out, you press firmly there. 453 00:17:03,619 --> 00:17:05,819 No, you don't. 454 00:17:05,819 --> 00:17:06,720 You press there. 455 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,500 While you're pressing there, that's squirting out all over the place, doesn't 456 00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:10,720 it? 457 00:17:11,099 --> 00:17:11,800 It's off gush. 458 00:17:12,079 --> 00:17:14,119 Oh, Arthur, please, I feel all funny. 459 00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:15,720 Shut up, mate. 460 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,579 I mean, you know how squeamish she is about things like that. 461 00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:21,740 All your talk about gushing here and gushing everywhere. 462 00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:23,079 It does, mate. 463 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,400 Look, the human body contains ten pints of blood. 464 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,440 What you're carrying on should be down to a last spoonful. 465 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,660 Will you stop it? 466 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,560 Gushing here and gushing there. 467 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,180 You can't lose all that amount, but it can't all come out. 468 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,720 Oh, yes, it can. 469 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,800 All right, what about the guillotine, then? 470 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:39,540 Well... 471 00:17:39,540 --> 00:17:42,340 When they chopped her bloke's head off, blood came gushing up through a big 472 00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:43,020 hole in his neck. 473 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,920 I mean, it's like a great big pump. 474 00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:50,400 If it gave her an extra pump, the executioner got another eyeful, I suppose. 475 00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:52,820 There's no need to be persistent. 476 00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:55,520 Oh, I feel all... 477 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:56,880 Wrong, she's fainted. 478 00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,820 But you're doing first aid, what do you do? 479 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,760 I ain't got up in that bit yet. 480 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,680 Well, I can tell you what, mate. 481 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,220 The first thing you don't do is panic. 482 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,480 It is quite simple. 483 00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,400 You just put the head down in between the knees. 484 00:18:09,780 --> 00:18:10,400 What's that do? 485 00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,660 Let's the blood come back the head. 486 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,280 Blimey, you're off about the blood again. 487 00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:15,180 Will you turn it in? 488 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,460 Yeah, I can't get it down. 489 00:18:17,660 --> 00:18:17,920 Why not? 490 00:18:18,820 --> 00:18:19,840 Her stomach's in the way. 491 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,600 Well, if you can't get her head to her knees, let's get her knees to her head, 492 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:24,800 then. 493 00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:25,380 Come out of it. 494 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:26,720 How's that? 495 00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:28,920 Oh, don't be so stupid. 496 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:30,240 You can't get it down. 497 00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:32,460 It's the head that has to go down between the knees. 498 00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,700 Oh, she's got that. 499 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,260 Right, right, right. 500 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,380 There we are, sunshine, all over. 501 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:41,340 Are you all right? 502 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:42,480 See, that was the shock of the head. 503 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,820 The blood coming back to the head to brawl around. 504 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,200 Yeah, it's a shock of you kissing her to brawl around, mate. 505 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,400 Right-o, sunshine, let's get you back to bed. 506 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:50,740 Come on. 507 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,660 Oh, blimey, I thought I'd gone all dizzy. 508 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,760 Oh, blimey, she's fainted again. 509 00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:57,620 Well, pick her up and put her on the bed. 510 00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:58,500 You must be joking. 511 00:18:58,620 --> 00:18:59,480 She weighs half a tonne. 512 00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:00,140 Give us a name. 513 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,000 Pick her up and put her on the bed, and I'll look up Rapture for you. 514 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:08,540 Dizzy spells, dizzy spells. 515 00:19:09,780 --> 00:19:10,420 Dizzy spells. 516 00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:12,120 Blimey, it says I'm on the turn. 517 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,360 Well, Blakey, we passed the test. 518 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:23,300 I bet that pleased you. 519 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,480 Oh, yeah, set me right back, that did, yeah. 520 00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:27,520 Just as me leg was getting better and all. 521 00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:33,000 I tell you what, you were very lucky that it was Inspector Gardner who tested 522 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:33,900 you, I tell you that much. 523 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:34,500 Was I? 524 00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,220 I'd have fouled you for a certainty. 525 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,540 I see you've got a nice new little box there. 526 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:40,400 Yeah, yeah. 527 00:19:40,420 --> 00:19:42,180 You see, you keep that tiddly tidy this time. 528 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:42,880 Yeah, tiddly tidy. 529 00:19:43,220 --> 00:19:44,980 Oh, this first day's a load of rubbish, really. 530 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,080 I mean, with me driving, when did we ever have an accident? 531 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,700 You tell me, when was the last time we had an accident? 532 00:19:50,460 --> 00:19:51,640 I see you had one yesterday. 533 00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:52,320 Eh? 534 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:53,900 You came in on time. 535 00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:58,380 Get that bus out, come on. 536 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:02,660 Well, don't you worry, from now on, Blakey, we can cure broken arms, broken 537 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:06,100 legs, dislocated shoulders, crushed ribs, even a broken neck. 538 00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:06,320 Yeah. 539 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,040 I'd like to see you do that, mate. 540 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:08,440 Would you? 541 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,400 Stand in front of that bus and I'll give you the lot. 542 00:20:39,310 --> 00:20:41,530 What do you keep ding-ding-dinging the bell for? 543 00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:43,370 Well, you did better at first aid than me, didn't you? 544 00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:44,470 Yeah, but what's that got to do with it? 545 00:20:44,590 --> 00:20:45,570 Know anything about babies? 546 00:20:45,570 --> 00:20:46,210 Well, a little bit. 547 00:20:46,430 --> 00:20:46,890 What's wrong with it? 548 00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:47,970 I don't know. 549 00:20:48,170 --> 00:20:48,870 It's not born yet. 550 00:20:49,470 --> 00:20:49,630 Eh? 551 00:20:50,150 --> 00:20:52,110 There's a woman upstairs just about to have it. 552 00:20:54,450 --> 00:20:55,390 I'll run her to the hospital. 553 00:20:55,530 --> 00:20:57,590 No, no, no, there's no time for that, mate. 554 00:20:57,650 --> 00:20:59,230 I just sent that kid for the ambulance. 555 00:20:59,890 --> 00:21:01,090 You'd better get up there, see what he can do. 556 00:21:01,170 --> 00:21:01,770 Give her a hand. 557 00:21:02,490 --> 00:21:02,810 Me? 558 00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:06,170 You must be potty, mate. 559 00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:09,650 I can't even get a bit of grit out a person's eyes. 560 00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:13,470 Listen, it's not our responsibility. 561 00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,010 Oh, yes, it is. 562 00:21:15,010 --> 00:21:16,310 She's paid her fair. 563 00:21:16,390 --> 00:21:18,010 Well, give her an ambulance and tell her to get off. 564 00:21:20,130 --> 00:21:24,210 Look, mate, she is about to have it upstairs any minute now. 565 00:21:24,590 --> 00:21:25,530 But she can't. 566 00:21:26,810 --> 00:21:27,790 Is anybody up there with her? 567 00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,090 Yeah, there's some dying with her. 568 00:21:29,210 --> 00:21:29,850 Thank God for her. 569 00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:30,990 Oh, here she is now. 570 00:21:31,730 --> 00:21:32,850 I think I can cope with this. 571 00:21:32,910 --> 00:21:33,790 I happen to be a nurse. 572 00:21:33,950 --> 00:21:34,210 Oh, good. 573 00:21:34,230 --> 00:21:34,890 Have you got a first aid box? 574 00:21:34,890 --> 00:21:35,350 Oh, yeah, I'll get it for you. 575 00:21:35,370 --> 00:21:36,550 Quick, quick, quick, get it, get it, mate, get it. 576 00:21:36,610 --> 00:21:36,870 Come on, come on. 577 00:21:37,090 --> 00:21:37,630 Let's have a look. 578 00:21:38,370 --> 00:21:40,070 Yeah, I think so. 579 00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:41,130 Yeah, a pair of tweezers. 580 00:21:41,590 --> 00:21:43,110 We're trying to deliver the woman's baby. 581 00:21:44,430 --> 00:21:45,530 Pluck her eyebrows. 582 00:21:49,670 --> 00:21:50,710 This is all your fault. 583 00:21:51,450 --> 00:21:51,910 My fault? 584 00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:52,250 Why? 585 00:21:52,490 --> 00:21:55,470 You went too fast down Green Lane, over that humpback bridge. 586 00:21:58,690 --> 00:22:00,110 My back was nut on the roof. 587 00:22:00,190 --> 00:22:01,370 God knows what's happened to the babies. 588 00:22:02,730 --> 00:22:03,530 I really do, actually. 589 00:22:03,570 --> 00:22:04,170 I have to have some help. 590 00:22:04,230 --> 00:22:04,950 One of you will have to come up. 591 00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,390 Yeah, well, my mate's very good at first aid. 592 00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:07,850 I'm just a driver. 593 00:22:08,010 --> 00:22:08,270 I'm only a driver. 594 00:22:08,270 --> 00:22:08,550 Driver? 595 00:22:08,710 --> 00:22:09,030 Good. 596 00:22:09,270 --> 00:22:10,150 You'll have a good firm grip. 597 00:22:10,230 --> 00:22:10,370 Come on. 598 00:22:13,670 --> 00:22:14,370 It's not fair. 599 00:22:16,810 --> 00:22:18,890 I mean, I'm not the father. 600 00:22:19,370 --> 00:22:20,630 Well, neither am I. 601 00:22:21,230 --> 00:22:24,670 Well, if that bird's a regular, there's a 50-50 chance you are. 602 00:22:27,150 --> 00:22:27,830 Come on, David. 603 00:22:27,850 --> 00:22:28,650 I want your assistance. 604 00:22:28,870 --> 00:22:29,070 Come on. 605 00:22:29,710 --> 00:22:30,290 Go on. 606 00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:31,810 I'll keep an eye out for the ambulance. 607 00:22:31,910 --> 00:22:32,570 It's not fair. 608 00:22:32,690 --> 00:22:35,430 I mean, I only just passed me first aid this morning. 609 00:22:35,970 --> 00:22:37,010 Driver, come along. 610 00:22:37,610 --> 00:22:38,090 Go on. 611 00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:40,150 You've got good, strong hands. 612 00:22:40,730 --> 00:22:42,210 How about feeling them round your throat, eh? 613 00:23:09,270 --> 00:23:09,630 Yeah. 614 00:23:09,990 --> 00:23:10,450 How was it? 615 00:23:10,810 --> 00:23:11,310 You all right? 616 00:23:12,270 --> 00:23:14,430 It's the most marvellous experience I've ever had in my life. 617 00:23:14,430 --> 00:23:15,810 Oh. 618 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:55,780 Thank you. 39978

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