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1
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Hey, I'm starving, where's the sausage rolls?
2
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:53,540
Oh, blimey, I forgot those, hang on, I'll stick them up.
3
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:55,940
On the manifold, here.
4
00:00:58,980 --> 00:01:00,600
Oh, blimey, that's not a treat, mate.
5
00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:02,640
Look at that, good job the engine was over-eating.
6
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,760
Oh, mate, here, where's the chips?
7
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,560
Oh, yeah, hang on.
8
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:19,600
Nah, want another couple of minutes, yeah?
9
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,500
Here, Greg, how long have we got to go?
10
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I mean, when were you out?
11
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Five minutes ago.
12
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Five minutes?
13
00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:30,540
Blimey, we've got another 10 minutes, yeah, haven't we?
14
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Yeah, we'd better watch it now.
15
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,260
Old Hitler's on the warpath today.
16
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Old Blakey?
17
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Yeah.
18
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,060
He'll never come to the cemetery gates.
19
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The only time he'll come here, mate, is when they crack him in a box.
20
00:01:47,460 --> 00:01:50,720
You two must have driven me into an early grave, wouldn't you?
21
00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:54,120
Come on, when do you think you're on, you two lazy loafing larding layabouts?
22
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,120
Well, I was having a bit of crab at dinner.
23
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Dinner?
24
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:57,540
Yeah.
25
00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,880
You're supposed to be due out five minutes ago.
26
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We couldn't, the chips weren't ready.
27
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:10,400
Let's have another go.
28
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,520
Oh, beautiful, that's my one.
29
00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:14,980
Chips?
30
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,020
What do you think you're on, mate?
31
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You're supposed to be running a service, we're not about to fork them in
32
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public.
33
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:20,800
Let them get their own chips.
34
00:02:25,860 --> 00:02:28,520
Wait, come on, get that knob cleaned up, come on, jump to it.
35
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,200
You've checked the top deck, have you?
36
00:02:30,220 --> 00:02:30,880
Of course I have.
37
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,660
I don't believe you, I'll check it myself.
38
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You two change the destination boards and get that knob cleaned up right away,
39
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come on.
40
00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:40,080
Hey, Planky, lend us your pencil, will you?
41
00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:41,380
I want to fill in my weight bill.
42
00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:44,260
Yeah, it's a vector, eh?
43
00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:46,600
Just right for stirring up tea, eh?
44
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,900
Go on, we'll get our chip boards, mate.
45
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:49,840
Yeah, I'll give you a hand.
46
00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:50,360
Come on, then.
47
00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:55,700
A bit of wine.
48
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:57,760
I'll tell you when.
49
00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:58,660
Morning.
50
00:03:01,420 --> 00:03:02,300
Right, where are we?
51
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:02,980
No, where are we?
52
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,200
Right, no, back, back, back a bit, hurry up, back a bit.
53
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:07,520
That'll do, we'll go there.
54
00:03:12,820 --> 00:03:14,300
Right, this tea tastes funny.
55
00:03:14,580 --> 00:03:15,540
I'm not surprised.
56
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,080
Before you stirred the tea with that pencil, he had it in his mouth.
57
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,100
There might not be an antidote for it.
58
00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:25,160
You're sure he had this in his mouth?
59
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:25,920
Of course I did.
60
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,860
Look, you can see his teeth marks on the end of the pencil.
61
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:29,820
No wonder they call him Dracula.
62
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,840
Oh, oh, oh, God.
63
00:03:33,060 --> 00:03:33,760
What's happened to him?
64
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,940
Oh, oh, oh.
65
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,960
Hello, Planky, what's up?
66
00:03:39,060 --> 00:03:39,360
What's that?
67
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:40,600
He's slipped on the chips.
68
00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:43,720
Blimey, we can't eat them now.
69
00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:46,500
Hey, perhaps he's broken something.
70
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:47,420
Yeah, he has, look.
71
00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:48,460
He's clipped one.
72
00:03:48,940 --> 00:03:49,040
Here you are.
73
00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:50,640
Here you are.
74
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:51,640
Oh!
75
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He, uh, he don't look too good to me.
76
00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:56,740
Never did.
77
00:03:57,660 --> 00:03:58,700
Hey, get the first aid book, mate.
78
00:03:58,720 --> 00:03:59,300
Yeah, all right, yeah.
79
00:03:59,660 --> 00:03:59,960
What do you want?
80
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,000
Oh, go home!
81
00:04:02,180 --> 00:04:03,820
You've got balls, you've got balls.
82
00:04:03,940 --> 00:04:04,860
I'll strain his leg out.
83
00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:06,800
No, don't, no, no, don't leave it.
84
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:07,380
You've got to have it.
85
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:07,960
Leave it!
86
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,140
That's it, right now, then.
87
00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:12,700
What's it say?
88
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:13,100
Here you are.
89
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:13,500
False.
90
00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:16,880
Untold damage can be done by moving an injured person.
91
00:04:17,260 --> 00:04:20,959
Don't attempt to change the position of the victim until the nature of the
92
00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:21,900
injury is known.
93
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:24,000
Otherwise...
94
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:24,880
Otherwise what?
95
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:26,520
Dunno, next page's been torn out.
96
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,880
I'll see if I can find me any damage he's done, then.
97
00:04:30,260 --> 00:04:30,880
It's me leg.
98
00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:31,920
Oh, no, it's your leg, Blanky.
99
00:04:31,940 --> 00:04:32,660
Hang on a minute, mate.
100
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:33,240
I think...
101
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:33,740
Does it hurt there?
102
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:34,600
No, it doesn't.
103
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:34,920
How about there?
104
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:35,200
Ow!
105
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:36,620
That's it, that's his knee.
106
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:37,480
Look, watch it, watch it.
107
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:37,780
Oh!
108
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:38,360
It hurts.
109
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:38,860
Yeah, it hurts.
110
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:44,080
Have you got any cold water?
111
00:04:44,620 --> 00:04:46,600
Where the hell am I going to get cold water from?
112
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:47,100
Oh, it's alright.
113
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:48,520
My tea's stone cold.
114
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:49,060
We'll use that.
115
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:51,440
You can't put that all over me!
116
00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:52,660
Go away, I had a bit of a cold.
117
00:04:52,780 --> 00:04:53,900
It's canteen tea.
118
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:55,380
Kills all known germs.
119
00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:58,760
How am I going to get it up his leg, then?
120
00:04:58,880 --> 00:04:59,940
Well, shove it up his trousers.
121
00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:00,360
Oh, yeah.
122
00:05:02,860 --> 00:05:03,940
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
123
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:04,640
No, wait a minute.
124
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:05,840
He's too tall.
125
00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:06,600
I can't get it up there.
126
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:07,700
I've got an idea.
127
00:05:07,820 --> 00:05:08,060
Hang on.
128
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,660
Open the coat a minute, Blakey, will you?
129
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:11,820
Oh, yeah.
130
00:05:13,420 --> 00:05:13,980
Go away!
131
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:14,640
What's he doing?
132
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:15,960
You can't do it in a public place!
133
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:16,820
What are you talking about?
134
00:05:17,420 --> 00:05:19,360
I'm trying to get a cold compress on your knee.
135
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:19,860
Now, look here.
136
00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:23,380
If I can't shove it down, and I can't shove it up, how am I going to get it on
137
00:05:23,380 --> 00:05:23,520
there?
138
00:05:23,980 --> 00:05:25,360
How do you feel about swallowing it?
139
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:26,920
Ow!
140
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:31,260
I'll tell you what I'll do.
141
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,860
I'll roll his trousers leg up as far as I can get it, and then...
142
00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:35,160
Oh.
143
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:35,700
Ooh.
144
00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:36,140
Here.
145
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:36,340
Oh.
146
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:37,460
Here, look at that.
147
00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:39,000
He's got a nasty gash on his leg, hasn't he?
148
00:05:39,260 --> 00:05:40,320
Give us a plaster, Jack.
149
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Here you are.
150
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:41,480
Yeah.
151
00:05:41,780 --> 00:05:42,120
Hang on.
152
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:43,120
Take that stuff off before me.
153
00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:43,820
I'll just get the bits off.
154
00:05:43,980 --> 00:05:44,080
Yeah.
155
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,420
I never could do that properly.
156
00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:47,620
Yeah, just like Bren Jam.
157
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,940
Always goes the wrong side up, doesn't it?
158
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Yeah, never mind.
159
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,100
You can't use that now.
160
00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:52,000
It's not sterile.
161
00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:54,020
You're talking about this bus was scrubbed this morning.
162
00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:55,480
Right.
163
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:57,400
Take it off.
164
00:05:57,660 --> 00:05:58,520
Take it off!
165
00:05:58,780 --> 00:05:58,940
Hey.
166
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:00,960
Take it off!
167
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:01,720
I just put it on.
168
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:02,860
Well, take it off again!
169
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:03,360
All right, then.
170
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:04,240
Ow!
171
00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:10,640
I hate you, Bucko.
172
00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:12,100
I hate you.
173
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,040
I hate you!
174
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,300
Get that cap and get me back to the demo, go on.
175
00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:17,120
Yeah, all right, then.
176
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,760
Is there anything else we can do for you, Blackie?
177
00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:20,420
Listen, give me my pencil back.
178
00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:22,860
I'm putting almost anything in my report about you two.
179
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:23,660
Oh, blimey.
180
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:24,480
He's getting better, hasn't he?
181
00:06:24,940 --> 00:06:25,260
Ow!
182
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,720
Oh, you couldn't kick your leg out, should you?
183
00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:30,840
Help him back in the bus, now.
184
00:06:30,860 --> 00:06:31,260
Come on, then.
185
00:06:31,420 --> 00:06:31,920
Up you come.
186
00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:32,600
That's it.
187
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:34,840
You weigh a tonne, you do.
188
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:35,340
Come on, then.
189
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,360
Oh, I'll never make it.
190
00:06:36,380 --> 00:06:37,360
Hey, I'll tip it round there.
191
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:37,780
That'll do.
192
00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:40,260
Here, I'll tell you what, Blackie.
193
00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:41,320
Have a fag.
194
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:42,340
Take your mind off it.
195
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:42,600
Here.
196
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:44,380
All right, then.
197
00:06:44,540 --> 00:06:45,160
Take it away!
198
00:06:45,260 --> 00:06:46,500
No, no, no, no.
199
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:47,380
You do it properly.
200
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,240
To start the bus, give two distinct rings on the bell.
201
00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:51,660
You stick to the regulations.
202
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:52,860
Yeah, stick to the regulations.
203
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:53,560
All right, I will.
204
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,400
If you're going to smoke, you'll have to go upstairs.
205
00:06:58,280 --> 00:06:59,520
Put that fag out.
206
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,120
Ha ha ha ha ha!
207
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:02,960
Ow!
208
00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:03,360
Oh!
209
00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:52,560
Come on, then, Blackie.
210
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:53,480
There you go, Blackie.
211
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,120
All right.
212
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,320
All right, that'll be good, there.
213
00:07:55,580 --> 00:07:56,220
That's it, now.
214
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:56,560
Come on.
215
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:57,080
It's steady.
216
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:57,800
You all right?
217
00:07:57,980 --> 00:07:59,180
Give us a hand while you stand.
218
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,260
Come on, Blackie, we'll get you over to the first aid room, mate.
219
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:04,480
Oh, what's happened?
220
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:05,760
Oh, he slipped on the chips.
221
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,380
Oh, you poor thing.
222
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,460
Yeah, no, he's had his chips.
223
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:09,660
Oh, yeah, let me help.
224
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:11,400
I've got my first aid bench.
225
00:08:11,420 --> 00:08:13,380
Oh, thank God, it's something with a bit of...
226
00:08:13,380 --> 00:08:14,880
Sit down on the bench, love.
227
00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:15,940
You know what, my up, go on.
228
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,100
Let me see.
229
00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:21,880
Oh, how nasty.
230
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,640
Oh, yeah, it's swollen.
231
00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:27,040
Let's massage it, see if it helps.
232
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,159
God, Blimey, what a waste, eh?
233
00:08:34,659 --> 00:08:35,860
How does that feel?
234
00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:36,320
Let me see.
235
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,480
My knee hurts a little bit, I know this.
236
00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:42,700
Better find out if it's swelling up.
237
00:08:42,799 --> 00:08:43,860
It is swelling up, eh?
238
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:51,360
Blimey, mate, when I press you...
239
00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:54,980
Oh, Blimey, mate, I've taken her out some time, she's never done that to me.
240
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,740
That's probably cos you was trying to do it to her.
241
00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:00,860
Stand up, love.
242
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:03,560
I'll support your leg to keep the weight off your ankle.
243
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:04,180
I'll give you a hand.
244
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,540
No, you won't, you go on.
245
00:09:06,140 --> 00:09:09,360
If you put your hand in the wrong place, it could lead to trouble.
246
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,420
I bet it's not the first time a bird's said that to you.
247
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,460
Give her a hand, Rosie.
248
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,480
Oh, Blimey, look at that, isn't it marvellous, eh?
249
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:22,940
And he's only got a strain.
250
00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:25,500
I'd strain myself with those two any day.
251
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,060
Let's have a cup of tea, mate, come on.
252
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:35,700
Oh, well...
253
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,400
I heard this noise, see?
254
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,560
And he slipped on the chips.
255
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,580
And he got his leg twisted right under him.
256
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,840
I've never laughed at that since I've interrupted himself.
257
00:09:46,980 --> 00:09:49,080
Well, it could have been very serious.
258
00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:50,980
It could have ruined him for life.
259
00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:51,780
It did.
260
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,520
I'm afraid I don't find it very amusing.
261
00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:59,900
Why, look, mate, Blimey, what was I supposed to do?
262
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:04,040
It's elementary, mate, you keep the patient warm, you then look round to see if
263
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,860
he's all right for treating for shock.
264
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,600
Oh, come off it, all right?
265
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,060
Supposing he hadn't had shock?
266
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:11,420
If he saw you were treating him, he soon would have, wouldn't he?
267
00:10:12,140 --> 00:10:14,620
Blimey, we want a public servant driving a bus.
268
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,480
It's up to you to know how to cope with sprains and fractures.
269
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:18,560
Yes, and burns.
270
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:19,140
Burns?
271
00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:20,100
Yes.
272
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:21,880
What do I want to know about burns for?
273
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,920
Well, it can happen very easily.
274
00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:27,320
Only yesterday I upset a saucepan full of sprouts.
275
00:10:27,380 --> 00:10:30,260
Blimey, we don't get saucepans of sprouts on the bus, do we?
276
00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:33,980
No, mate, but you do carry vast quantities of inflammable fuel.
277
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,220
Well, as it so happens, Mr Clever-Bunce, I do know how to treat burns.
278
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:38,460
Oh?
279
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:39,080
Yeah.
280
00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:40,620
You put marge on them.
281
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,480
What a lot of rot you two talk!
282
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,960
No, Arthur, he's perfectly right.
283
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,760
I always put marge on their burns when they was little.
284
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,500
Here, do you remember the time Olive sat on the poker?
285
00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:53,040
Yeah.
286
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:57,480
I massaged her little bottom with marge.
287
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:58,600
Little bottom?
288
00:10:58,740 --> 00:10:59,860
That strains the imagination.
289
00:11:02,020 --> 00:11:04,540
Anyway, that marge took the burn right out.
290
00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:05,420
Oh, no, it didn't.
291
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:06,380
I've still got a scar.
292
00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:07,680
I've never seen it.
293
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,300
You've only been married nine years, haven't you?
294
00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:14,960
Well, as I got older, the skin stretched and it moved and it came round to my
295
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:15,260
stomach.
296
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,080
Must have made a very long journey.
297
00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:19,180
Arthur.
298
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,500
I'll show it to you tonight, Arthur.
299
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,300
You do that lovingly and I'll treat him for shock.
300
00:11:32,060 --> 00:11:35,100
So, anyway, old Hitler may never walk again with a bit of luck.
301
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,120
Oh, poor love.
302
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:37,120
See you, dog.
303
00:11:37,260 --> 00:11:37,500
Ta-ra.
304
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,040
Morning, Jack.
305
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,500
Nice morning this morning.
306
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:42,540
It's not, you know, look.
307
00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:48,400
Dracula walks again.
308
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,300
He should have put more nails in his coffee.
309
00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:54,220
Get that fag out, come on.
310
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,300
Blakey, how's the knee then?
311
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:56,400
Yeah.
312
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,640
Doctor says I've strained a ligament in it.
313
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:01,320
Yeah, well, it can easily do that, you know.
314
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,020
When you've got your leg twisted under you like you had it.
315
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,520
I didn't do it when I had it twisted under me.
316
00:12:05,580 --> 00:12:07,020
I did it when you straightened it out.
317
00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:09,880
Get out of my...
318
00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:12,680
I've got an official notice here from the office.
319
00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:13,120
Oh, yeah?
320
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:14,860
It concerns yous too.
321
00:12:15,180 --> 00:12:15,760
Read it, Jack.
322
00:12:15,780 --> 00:12:16,140
What's it say?
323
00:12:17,420 --> 00:12:18,020
What's it say?
324
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:22,340
It has come to the notice of the management that some busmen have not studied
325
00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:23,400
the first aid manual.
326
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:27,200
All bus crews will therefore be tested on their first aid knowledge as and when
327
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:27,820
notified.
328
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:29,040
When will that be?
329
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:30,240
We used to.
330
00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,600
Tomorrow morning.
331
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,660
Who's going to test us then?
332
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:36,400
I am.
333
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:40,380
You?
334
00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:42,500
What do you know about the subject?
335
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:43,980
I've been a victim, haven't I?
336
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,080
That's what I know about it.
337
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,940
And anyone who don't pass the test is going to be delegated to other filthy
338
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:52,060
tasks, i.e. cleaning or maintenance.
339
00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:56,060
Blakey, I've got a date with a bird tonight.
340
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:56,520
So?
341
00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:59,680
I won't have time to study the first aid, will I?
342
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,380
So I can always practise that bit about stretching them out and loosening their
343
00:13:03,380 --> 00:13:03,800
clothing.
344
00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:04,480
Oh, go on.
345
00:13:05,420 --> 00:13:09,460
What I meant, if I haven't got time to study the manual, do I get extra time?
346
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:11,500
Oh, yes, you can have all the time in the world.
347
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:16,020
Because if you're not ready to take the test tomorrow morning, you're going to
348
00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:16,760
be suspended.
349
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:22,980
LAUGHTER Upsets me to see him like that, Jack.
350
00:13:23,180 --> 00:13:24,460
It's all right, it's only strained his leg.
351
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:25,460
That's what upsets me.
352
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,460
He should have broken his flaming neck.
353
00:13:31,740 --> 00:13:32,700
Suspected fracture.
354
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:38,340
Place casualty in comfort position with injured part well supported.
355
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,180
Don't give the...
356
00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:45,360
Don't give the patient anything to eat or drink because they may shortly be
357
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,780
having an anaesthetic.
358
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,220
If the patient...
359
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,700
Oh, blimey, I'll never learn it on my own.
360
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:53,700
KNOCKING Arthur!
361
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:59,380
KNOCKING Blimey, he goes to bed to die, this fella.
362
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,220
What do you want?
363
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:02,500
It's gombit night.
364
00:14:04,220 --> 00:14:06,700
Arthur, I've got to learn my first aid by tomorrow morning.
365
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:07,780
I'll never do it, give us a hand, will you?
366
00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:09,480
Well, that is your fault, mate.
367
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,700
You should have studied it earlier.
368
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:13,120
I suppose you were out wasting your time on some bird.
369
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,500
You are dead right.
370
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:15,780
She was a complete loss.
371
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,180
Well, I'm very sorry, but I'm going back to bed to get some shut-eye.
372
00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:21,800
Oh, Arthur, there you are.
373
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,660
I've had me bath, are you coming to bed?
374
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:24,300
Aye.
375
00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:26,780
Aye?
376
00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:27,140
Yeah.
377
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:28,200
No.
378
00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:33,360
As a matter of fact, I was going to help Stan here with his first aid.
379
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:34,660
How long are you going to be?
380
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:35,400
About half an hour.
381
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,740
But I've used that new soap and scented bath oil.
382
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:40,740
I've had a glamour bath.
383
00:14:40,740 --> 00:14:41,800
Have you, really?
384
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:43,980
You didn't stay in long enough.
385
00:14:45,620 --> 00:14:46,840
How is your wound?
386
00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:50,580
Look, it's made me skin all soft and smooth.
387
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,820
Yeah, it's brought out the exotic radiance of your chill-blades, hasn't it?
388
00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:57,100
Right, let's get on with it, then.
389
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:57,640
Yeah.
390
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,840
What did you get up to?
391
00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:03,460
Er, page two, er, a bit about fractures, yeah.
392
00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:04,200
Right.
393
00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:06,260
How do you make a sling?
394
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:07,980
A sling?
395
00:15:08,020 --> 00:15:09,460
Yes, a sling, they're bound to ask you that.
396
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:12,380
Well, blimey, I ain't got nothing to make one with, have I?
397
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,240
Well, you just have to improvise, won't you?
398
00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:16,460
Here, give us those tights.
399
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:19,000
There we are.
400
00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:22,200
Oh, Arthur, it's not right, you're wearing my tights around your neck like
401
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:22,560
that.
402
00:15:22,740 --> 00:15:24,140
Well, it's all right, love, as long as you're not in them.
403
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,560
Come on, get on with it, get on with it.
404
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,740
Here, here, this is a smashing idea of yours, Arthur.
405
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,580
I mean, if we happen to have a casualty on the bus, you see, I nip up to the
406
00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:36,940
nearest bird, whip my tights off and say it's an emergency.
407
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,520
Do you mind stop drooling and get on with it?
408
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:42,980
How's it, then, love?
409
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,560
It says here the hands should be pointed up at the shoulder.
410
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:46,780
How's that?
411
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,080
Will you stop messing about?
412
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,060
I wasn't messing about!
413
00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:50,580
I won't help.
414
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:51,520
Oh.
415
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:52,720
Let's get on with the next thing.
416
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:55,460
Haemorrhage and bleeding.
417
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:55,840
Right.
418
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:56,560
Right.
419
00:15:57,340 --> 00:15:59,660
You've got to act fast to save someone's life, what do you do?
420
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:01,860
Er, er...
421
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:02,420
Come on, come on.
422
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:03,460
All right, all right, don't rush me.
423
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,440
Put a sticking plaster on it.
424
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:05,800
Ha!
425
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,280
Sticking plaster's not going to help my cut artery, is it, mate?
426
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,140
You've got to put pressure on the pressure points, you've got to learn where
427
00:16:12,140 --> 00:16:12,600
they are.
428
00:16:12,780 --> 00:16:13,800
You want to practise on someone?
429
00:16:14,260 --> 00:16:16,300
But I ain't got nobody to practise on, have I?
430
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:16,560
Right.
431
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,200
Olive, lie on the bed.
432
00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:20,640
I said lie on the bed.
433
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:24,580
Don't get excited, love.
434
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:25,800
Just practise being a patient.
435
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:27,560
Right.
436
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:31,760
Now, then, tell me where you'd press to stop the blood gushing out her foot,
437
00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:31,940
say.
438
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:34,400
Er...
439
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:34,720
There?
440
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:35,880
No.
441
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:37,280
There?
442
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:37,700
No.
443
00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:39,240
There?
444
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:41,280
My good man, higher up.
445
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,720
You're a rascal, you do it.
446
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,200
No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm a fussy.
447
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,440
All right, I will show you.
448
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,920
You press very firmly there.
449
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,940
Oh, Arthur, sure that's the right place?
450
00:16:57,740 --> 00:16:59,160
All right, you show me now.
451
00:16:59,540 --> 00:16:59,680
Right.
452
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,619
If the blood's gushing out, you press firmly there.
453
00:17:03,619 --> 00:17:05,819
No, you don't.
454
00:17:05,819 --> 00:17:06,720
You press there.
455
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,500
While you're pressing there, that's squirting out all over the place, doesn't
456
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:10,720
it?
457
00:17:11,099 --> 00:17:11,800
It's off gush.
458
00:17:12,079 --> 00:17:14,119
Oh, Arthur, please, I feel all funny.
459
00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:15,720
Shut up, mate.
460
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,579
I mean, you know how squeamish she is about things like that.
461
00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:21,740
All your talk about gushing here and gushing everywhere.
462
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:23,079
It does, mate.
463
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,400
Look, the human body contains ten pints of blood.
464
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,440
What you're carrying on should be down to a last spoonful.
465
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,660
Will you stop it?
466
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,560
Gushing here and gushing there.
467
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,180
You can't lose all that amount, but it can't all come out.
468
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,720
Oh, yes, it can.
469
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,800
All right, what about the guillotine, then?
470
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:39,540
Well...
471
00:17:39,540 --> 00:17:42,340
When they chopped her bloke's head off, blood came gushing up through a big
472
00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:43,020
hole in his neck.
473
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,920
I mean, it's like a great big pump.
474
00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:50,400
If it gave her an extra pump, the executioner got another eyeful, I suppose.
475
00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:52,820
There's no need to be persistent.
476
00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:55,520
Oh, I feel all...
477
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:56,880
Wrong, she's fainted.
478
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,820
But you're doing first aid, what do you do?
479
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,760
I ain't got up in that bit yet.
480
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,680
Well, I can tell you what, mate.
481
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,220
The first thing you don't do is panic.
482
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,480
It is quite simple.
483
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,400
You just put the head down in between the knees.
484
00:18:09,780 --> 00:18:10,400
What's that do?
485
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,660
Let's the blood come back the head.
486
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,280
Blimey, you're off about the blood again.
487
00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:15,180
Will you turn it in?
488
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,460
Yeah, I can't get it down.
489
00:18:17,660 --> 00:18:17,920
Why not?
490
00:18:18,820 --> 00:18:19,840
Her stomach's in the way.
491
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,600
Well, if you can't get her head to her knees, let's get her knees to her head,
492
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:24,800
then.
493
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:25,380
Come out of it.
494
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:26,720
How's that?
495
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:28,920
Oh, don't be so stupid.
496
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:30,240
You can't get it down.
497
00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:32,460
It's the head that has to go down between the knees.
498
00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,700
Oh, she's got that.
499
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,260
Right, right, right.
500
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,380
There we are, sunshine, all over.
501
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:41,340
Are you all right?
502
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:42,480
See, that was the shock of the head.
503
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,820
The blood coming back to the head to brawl around.
504
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,200
Yeah, it's a shock of you kissing her to brawl around, mate.
505
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,400
Right-o, sunshine, let's get you back to bed.
506
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:50,740
Come on.
507
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,660
Oh, blimey, I thought I'd gone all dizzy.
508
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,760
Oh, blimey, she's fainted again.
509
00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:57,620
Well, pick her up and put her on the bed.
510
00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:58,500
You must be joking.
511
00:18:58,620 --> 00:18:59,480
She weighs half a tonne.
512
00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:00,140
Give us a name.
513
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,000
Pick her up and put her on the bed, and I'll look up Rapture for you.
514
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:08,540
Dizzy spells, dizzy spells.
515
00:19:09,780 --> 00:19:10,420
Dizzy spells.
516
00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:12,120
Blimey, it says I'm on the turn.
517
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,360
Well, Blakey, we passed the test.
518
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:23,300
I bet that pleased you.
519
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,480
Oh, yeah, set me right back, that did, yeah.
520
00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:27,520
Just as me leg was getting better and all.
521
00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:33,000
I tell you what, you were very lucky that it was Inspector Gardner who tested
522
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:33,900
you, I tell you that much.
523
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:34,500
Was I?
524
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,220
I'd have fouled you for a certainty.
525
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,540
I see you've got a nice new little box there.
526
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:40,400
Yeah, yeah.
527
00:19:40,420 --> 00:19:42,180
You see, you keep that tiddly tidy this time.
528
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:42,880
Yeah, tiddly tidy.
529
00:19:43,220 --> 00:19:44,980
Oh, this first day's a load of rubbish, really.
530
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,080
I mean, with me driving, when did we ever have an accident?
531
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,700
You tell me, when was the last time we had an accident?
532
00:19:50,460 --> 00:19:51,640
I see you had one yesterday.
533
00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:52,320
Eh?
534
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:53,900
You came in on time.
535
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:58,380
Get that bus out, come on.
536
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:02,660
Well, don't you worry, from now on, Blakey, we can cure broken arms, broken
537
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:06,100
legs, dislocated shoulders, crushed ribs, even a broken neck.
538
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:06,320
Yeah.
539
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,040
I'd like to see you do that, mate.
540
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:08,440
Would you?
541
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,400
Stand in front of that bus and I'll give you the lot.
542
00:20:39,310 --> 00:20:41,530
What do you keep ding-ding-dinging the bell for?
543
00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:43,370
Well, you did better at first aid than me, didn't you?
544
00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:44,470
Yeah, but what's that got to do with it?
545
00:20:44,590 --> 00:20:45,570
Know anything about babies?
546
00:20:45,570 --> 00:20:46,210
Well, a little bit.
547
00:20:46,430 --> 00:20:46,890
What's wrong with it?
548
00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:47,970
I don't know.
549
00:20:48,170 --> 00:20:48,870
It's not born yet.
550
00:20:49,470 --> 00:20:49,630
Eh?
551
00:20:50,150 --> 00:20:52,110
There's a woman upstairs just about to have it.
552
00:20:54,450 --> 00:20:55,390
I'll run her to the hospital.
553
00:20:55,530 --> 00:20:57,590
No, no, no, there's no time for that, mate.
554
00:20:57,650 --> 00:20:59,230
I just sent that kid for the ambulance.
555
00:20:59,890 --> 00:21:01,090
You'd better get up there, see what he can do.
556
00:21:01,170 --> 00:21:01,770
Give her a hand.
557
00:21:02,490 --> 00:21:02,810
Me?
558
00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:06,170
You must be potty, mate.
559
00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:09,650
I can't even get a bit of grit out a person's eyes.
560
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:13,470
Listen, it's not our responsibility.
561
00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,010
Oh, yes, it is.
562
00:21:15,010 --> 00:21:16,310
She's paid her fair.
563
00:21:16,390 --> 00:21:18,010
Well, give her an ambulance and tell her to get off.
564
00:21:20,130 --> 00:21:24,210
Look, mate, she is about to have it upstairs any minute now.
565
00:21:24,590 --> 00:21:25,530
But she can't.
566
00:21:26,810 --> 00:21:27,790
Is anybody up there with her?
567
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,090
Yeah, there's some dying with her.
568
00:21:29,210 --> 00:21:29,850
Thank God for her.
569
00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:30,990
Oh, here she is now.
570
00:21:31,730 --> 00:21:32,850
I think I can cope with this.
571
00:21:32,910 --> 00:21:33,790
I happen to be a nurse.
572
00:21:33,950 --> 00:21:34,210
Oh, good.
573
00:21:34,230 --> 00:21:34,890
Have you got a first aid box?
574
00:21:34,890 --> 00:21:35,350
Oh, yeah, I'll get it for you.
575
00:21:35,370 --> 00:21:36,550
Quick, quick, quick, get it, get it, mate, get it.
576
00:21:36,610 --> 00:21:36,870
Come on, come on.
577
00:21:37,090 --> 00:21:37,630
Let's have a look.
578
00:21:38,370 --> 00:21:40,070
Yeah, I think so.
579
00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:41,130
Yeah, a pair of tweezers.
580
00:21:41,590 --> 00:21:43,110
We're trying to deliver the woman's baby.
581
00:21:44,430 --> 00:21:45,530
Pluck her eyebrows.
582
00:21:49,670 --> 00:21:50,710
This is all your fault.
583
00:21:51,450 --> 00:21:51,910
My fault?
584
00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:52,250
Why?
585
00:21:52,490 --> 00:21:55,470
You went too fast down Green Lane, over that humpback bridge.
586
00:21:58,690 --> 00:22:00,110
My back was nut on the roof.
587
00:22:00,190 --> 00:22:01,370
God knows what's happened to the babies.
588
00:22:02,730 --> 00:22:03,530
I really do, actually.
589
00:22:03,570 --> 00:22:04,170
I have to have some help.
590
00:22:04,230 --> 00:22:04,950
One of you will have to come up.
591
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,390
Yeah, well, my mate's very good at first aid.
592
00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:07,850
I'm just a driver.
593
00:22:08,010 --> 00:22:08,270
I'm only a driver.
594
00:22:08,270 --> 00:22:08,550
Driver?
595
00:22:08,710 --> 00:22:09,030
Good.
596
00:22:09,270 --> 00:22:10,150
You'll have a good firm grip.
597
00:22:10,230 --> 00:22:10,370
Come on.
598
00:22:13,670 --> 00:22:14,370
It's not fair.
599
00:22:16,810 --> 00:22:18,890
I mean, I'm not the father.
600
00:22:19,370 --> 00:22:20,630
Well, neither am I.
601
00:22:21,230 --> 00:22:24,670
Well, if that bird's a regular, there's a 50-50 chance you are.
602
00:22:27,150 --> 00:22:27,830
Come on, David.
603
00:22:27,850 --> 00:22:28,650
I want your assistance.
604
00:22:28,870 --> 00:22:29,070
Come on.
605
00:22:29,710 --> 00:22:30,290
Go on.
606
00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:31,810
I'll keep an eye out for the ambulance.
607
00:22:31,910 --> 00:22:32,570
It's not fair.
608
00:22:32,690 --> 00:22:35,430
I mean, I only just passed me first aid this morning.
609
00:22:35,970 --> 00:22:37,010
Driver, come along.
610
00:22:37,610 --> 00:22:38,090
Go on.
611
00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:40,150
You've got good, strong hands.
612
00:22:40,730 --> 00:22:42,210
How about feeling them round your throat, eh?
613
00:23:09,270 --> 00:23:09,630
Yeah.
614
00:23:09,990 --> 00:23:10,450
How was it?
615
00:23:10,810 --> 00:23:11,310
You all right?
616
00:23:12,270 --> 00:23:14,430
It's the most marvellous experience I've ever had in my life.
617
00:23:14,430 --> 00:23:15,810
Oh.
618
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:55,780
Thank you.
39978
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