All language subtitles for Modern.Family.S11E04.Pool.Party.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP5.1.x264-NTb - m

Okay, Lily, sweetie,
do you want me to pack

your bathing
suit for the party?

Only if you want
to wear it.

Is that the sass we love
or the backtalk we hate?

- Unclear.
- Yeah.

You know, there's a fine line
between quippy and mean.

I show her "Golden Girls."
It's just not sinking in.

Okay.
Honey?

Honey, it's gonna be fun.

Longines said lots of kids

- are gonna be there.
- Yeah.

Exactly.
I'm not gonnawear a bathing suit

in front of a bunch
of judgy tweens.

Ah.

It's Daddy time.

Now?

Shouldn't we
go talk to Lily?

Oh.

- Hey!
- Hey!

Aw, hell.

Honey, what have we
always taught you?

Love who you are,
as you are.

Yes! Being comfortable
in your skin

is the most
attractive thing.

I mean, look at us.

We're hardly Christy Turlington

- and Naomi Campbell...
- Could've picked dudes.

...but we know
what we have to offer,

and we're proud of it.

Look, it's important
that you go to this party

and you... you feel good
about who you are.

I mean, you have a gorgeous body.
No, thank you.

Yeah,
you're a little hottie!

- Pass!
- I mean, if I were

a cartoon wolf
and I saw you,

my eyes would be like
"Aah‐ooo‐gaa!"

Stop!

I will go if you never
talk to me like this again.

Hmm.

*MODERN FAMILY*
Season 11 Episode 04
Episode Title: "Pool Party"

So, Mr. Boss, how did I do
at the open house?

Uh, honestly?

Your vibe was kinda tense
and the staging was so‐so.

This is big time, Gloria.
You're not a homemaker anymore.

I need you baking cookies,
fluffing pillows,

being bright and cheery
for our guests.

Son of a preacher man!
Someone stole our sign again!

What kind of sick mind messes
with a man's livelihood?

You're kidding.
Another one?

I'm afraid so, Lindsay.

Who keeps taking
our signs?

Don't worry, Sam,
we're going to find out.

Miss, do you
have any enemies?

Are you
in a blood feud?

Gloria.

Have you recently joined
a political opposition?

I‐I‐lf... If I may... Lindsay,
we're gonna get you a new sign,

um, find out who's doing this,
and put a stop to it.

Okay, G,
time to let you in

on the dark underbelly
of our business.

Someone is trying to take money
from my pockets,

and I need
to find out who.

Do you need me to go
and shake some trees for you?

I did that kind of job
in Colombia.

I didn't get paid,
but I got great references,

and my cousin
got to keep one ear.

Oh, I‐I‐I‐I'll handle it.

Okay. But I do need you to
replace that sign ASAP.

A‐A post without a sign
is so humiliating.

Oh, did it sell?

No!
This is anarchy! Oh!

Keep going!

My internship with Phil
is almost over.

He said that he would hire me
full time if I did good.

So, I need to find
who's stealing his signs

to prove my worth.

Luckily, I have a plan.

A couple of weeks ago, Jay put
a tracker thingy on Stella

because she kept getting out.

She was down the block, mooning
over that Chihuahua again.

I mean,
what does she see in him?

He thinks he's so cool

with that dumb handkerchief
around his neck.

I'm going to steal
Stella's tracker,

and I'm gonna hide it
on the sign to catch the crook.

And then maybe Stella
will get some alone time

with her Chihuahua.

With that pushed‐in face,

she could do a lot worse
than a Latin lover.

Here you go,
Ms. Dunphy.

Nice and hot,
like you like it.

He's nice and hot,
like I like it.

‐Mom.
‐Wow.

No, it's cool.
Time's up for dudes, not us.

I mean,
how great is this?

The Dunphy ladies crushing life,
having it all.

Okay, take it down a notch.
We know what you're doing.

My mom was trying to show us

how great it is
to be a working woman

'cause she knows how torn I am
about leaving my babies.

It's like, oh, it'll break
my heart to be away from them,

but as a feminist,

I want to show those
snarky bitches at the office

how fast my body bounced back.

Mom obviously wants me

to take this big
corporate job offer I got,

but they're all so corrupt
and mercenary.

I want to use science
to improve the world,

like I did in Antarctica.

Back off,
you disgusting snow chicken!

Do not with me!

Alex, Antarctica
made you miserable,

and, Haley, you were
really blossoming at work.

And I get it, but I regret
not going back to work sooner,

and I don't want you
to resent your children.

Like you did?

As was the fashion
at the time.

Work.

Everybody needs Claire.

I love it.

Hey, Margaret.
What's going on, sweetie?

I'm here with
our lawyer.

Apparently, there's been
some kind of a data breach.

She'd like you
to swing by.

Well, that's gonna
have to wait till Monday

because I am having lunch
downstairs with my girls.

So, you enjoy
your new hummingbird feeder.

I am loving those pics.

She's a bit
of a cautionary tale.

Haley, you have to admit
it feels good

to put on nice clothes
and get out in the world

and not have anyone pawing
at your boobs for two seconds.

Oh, God, yes!

Dylan is really
going through something.

I think
he might be regressing.

To what?

And, Alex, I know what
that company is offering you.

Doesn't it feel nice
to be wanted?

Of course it does,
but I don't want to sell out.

There is nothing wrong
with taking care of Alex first.

Hey, you can save the world
on the weekends

with all the money
you're gonna make.

♪ She works hard
for the money ♪

Sing it with me.

We don't know
what that is.

♪ So hard for it, honey ♪

Are you making this up?

♪ She works hard
for the money ♪

Sorry to interrupt.

- Hi, girls.
- Hi.

I need to borrow your mom
for a bit.

Okay.

So, you know how our smart
closets have scanning cameras

so people can
try on clothes virtually?

Uh‐huh. Apparently, we
have been recording people

without their knowledge.

Or their clothes.

Oh, my God.

I have one
of those closets.

Oh. I‐I talk sexy
to the mirror in there.

What if those movies
get out?

I can't have my mother
seeing them.

- Okay, hang on.
- Mm‐hmm.

Hey, girls, I'm gonna
be back in a sec.

I'm just gonna run upstairs and
sing "Happy Birthday" to Josie.

Just make her day.

God, work is
so rewarding.

I almost forgot
what her face looks like

when she's
telling the truth.

Yeah.

Come on, Manny!

Where the hell's
your mother?

That's what you're wearing
to my club?

I'm headed
right for the spa,

and their robes stink
like old rich guys...

cigars, Scotch,

and the panicked sweat
of impending irrelevance.

Easy, Hemingway,
we earned that smell.

iHola!

Finally, she's here!
Hurry! We're gonna be late!

I am sorry.
I'm only here for a few seconds.

I have to go back to work.

Again?

Jay, I finally found
a job that I love.

That's why I've been
humping my bust.

- Is that the right way...
- No. No. No, no. It's not.

I promise you, I am all yours
this afternoon.

Eh.
Stella, mama!

You're gonna take good care
of my boys, right?

You're gonna
take good care.

Don't patronize her.

Be a constant presence
in her life

or you'll stoke
her abandonment issues.

Gloria's been working a ton,

so I've been picking up the
slack at home, which is fine.

It's just, even when she's here,
she's not here.

Guess what happened today.

So, I'm at the park
with Joe.

Now, you know all the nannies
think that Dakota's mom

and Luca's dad are
"twisting the sheets"?

Well, this morning, they
came together, sipping coffees,

leaning up against
the jungle gym,

giggling like
it's nothing.

Now, they had to know what that
looked like. -

Ay, my little busy bee.

Tell me when dinner is ready.
You're the best.

Woman speaking Spanish on TV...

Why, yes, Gloria.

This is a new track suit.
Thanks for noticing.

It's not that hard.

Oh, it's so hot.

I can't wait
to jump in that pool.

I never said
I'd get in the pool.

Okay, Lily, stop.

You are an exotic
Vietnamese beauty.

Scarlett Johansson
would play you in a movie

until Twitter told her
she couldn't.

Doesn't matter what other people
think of us.

It matters what we think
of ourselves. Right.

Oh. Great.

It's all gays.
I can do whatever I want.

I'm invisible.

Aah!

I'm okay!

Hey, girl, hey.
Hey, girl, hey.

Wait, what's going on?
I thought you said

there were gonna be kids
at this party.

No, I said
young people.

Look at the pool.

It's boy soup.

I like me
some eye candy.

Okay, well,
we like actual candy.

Okay, we...

we can't take our shirts
off at this smoke show. - Yeah.

Calm down. You aren't even close
to the oldest ones here.

Look.

- Oh.
- Oh, thank God.

- I was feeling...
- Well, I guess that...

- Mm.
- Okay, my grandma was right.

I ended up in Hell.

I thought about
which of my competitors

might want to take me down,

and I kept coming back
to one guy...

Gil Thorpe.

A man tells you enough times

he's gonna "thorpedo"
your career,

you start to believe he might
do something "therrible."

Well, not this time.

Easy on the pressure there,
Albert.

Sorry.
It's my first time.

- Dunphy?
- That's right.

Well, look at you...
landed on your feet

after the real estate business
chewed you up and spit you out.

It didn't spit me out.
I'm here to scare you.

By Sweeney Todd‐ing me?

Don't emasculate
my move.

I'm Celie from
"The Color Purple."

Now, stay still.

I'd hate for you to lose
your head, like I lost my si...

Son of a...
Ah! I dropped it.

Where's the blue stuff?

Just admit it.

You've been taking the signs
off my house on Sycamore.

Phil, I'm gay now.

Between pumping iron
and bummin' out my dad,

I don't have time
for our petty rivalry.

But if you ask me,

this stunt's got Sue Liu
written all over it.

Sue Liu.

Are you done?

I have a showing
at 10:00.

Hello, Sue Liu.

Phil.

- So glad you landed on your feet.
- I'm still a Realtor!

Son of a bitch.
Can one thing go my way?

Penny for your thoughts?

Why? It'd just be
my penny anyway.

Obviously you're hurt

because Mom's been
neglecting you lately.

- Can I give you a little advice?
- Nope.

- Please don't ice her.
- I'm gonna ice her.

Jay, you're just gonna
make things worse

if you act like a child.

Hey, I'm a child.

That triggers me
and hurts my feelings.

Damn hippie
private school.

Who's gonna fight
the wars, guys? Who?

Rather than push Mom away,
give her a reason to come home.

For years, women have been
waiting at their door

for their husbands,
martini in hand,

wearing nothing
but Saran Wrap.

Maybe it's your turn.

You don't want to see this
in Saran Wrap.

It's a metaphor.
Come on.

Do something sweet, and I bet
the whole thing turns around.

Who knows better how to love
my mother, me or you?

You better get a job
with mental‐health benefits

before all that
bubbles up.

So, what is our
legal liability?

Oh, me?

You're our lawyer,
right?

- Right.
- Well,

still getting updates,
but so far,

we know the Peeping Toms
were a couple of our engineers.

Whatever happened
to the good old days

when people just drilled a hole
in the wall?

That's the stand
you want to take?

We can keep this contained,
right?

I mean, our fingerprints
aren't on it.

I'm super sorry to do this,
but... activate closet.

Hello, there.

Are you ready
to get undressed?

Why did I agree
to do that?

Stand at the mirror
and turn around

so I can assess your body.

I'm basically
a porn director.

What do we do?

Oh, me again?

Um, gosh,
I don't know.

They don't teach you this
at Harvard...

or where I went.

Mom?

♪ ...birthday to you ♪

No luck getting people to sing
with you today, huh?

Are you okay?

You seemed stressed
when you left.

‐No, I'm fine.
‐Oh, no!

Not now.

The server with the dirty
pictures got hacked.

They could be anywhere.
This is so bad.

Oh, me "not now"?

Hacked
dirty pictures?

Mom,
what is going on?

Uh, don't answer that.
She could be wearing a wire.

Oh, no.
It's just a bad bra.

Oh, my God.

The pictures
from our closets

are all over
a Russian porn site.

Oh, geez. My mother doesn't know
I have a tattoo.

I knew I shouldn't have
taken a corporate job!

Why didn't I stay home
with my babies?!

Yeah,
you were a bad hire.

Okay, come on.

Why don't we just tell Lily one of
us isn't feeling well and leave?

We can't.
We just took a giant stand

Well, about loving our hideous bodies.

Dads!
Get in the pool!

Oh, my God.
She's making people look at us.

Okay, yeah,
maybe in a sec!

Okay, we have
to hide from her.

You have to admit,
the irony of this is delicious.

Yeah, well, look at us.

Apparently we think
everything is delicious.

I'm ashamed
of how ashamed we are.

I mean,
what other grown men

would be so consumed
by their own vanity?

Ah!
Close the door!

They can smell the decay!

It's just
Mitch and Cam.

We were afraid you were one
of the beautiful boys.

Please, I've never
felt so hairy.

Well, get in line.

This queen
only has one trimmer.

How horrible
is this party?

I'm a skinny little girl
with twig arms.

It's all anyone's
talking about.

I told some twink
by the crudités

that I was swollen
from a kidney transplant.

Well, then you have an excuse.
Let me on that elliptical.

I haven't felt this white since
I loved the movie "Green Book."

Alright, bronzer me.

And I don't want you
to be stingy.

I want it everywhere.
Everywhere.

I replaced the sign

and attached Stella's
GPS tracker to the back,

and then I headed home to Jay.

Hello?

Hey, honey.
You get my text?

I did.
An eggplant and a peach emoji.

Does that mean
what I think it means?

You bet.

I ordered eggplant Parmesan
and peach cobbler.

Yum. I'll be home
in a few minutes.

Ay.

What?
Eh, nothing.

I have a flat tire.

I'm gonna call A. A.
To get it fixed.

No, Triple‐A fixes tires.

A.A. is that
alcoholic cult,

makes your friends
no fun anymore.

I'll come fix the tire.

No, no, no, no, no.
I'll do it.

This is another work thing,
isn't it?

I am losing you!

I am in a tunnel!

There's no tunnels!

I can't believe I even
considered that for you!

Alls I'm saying is
the other families had alibis,

and you wouldn't be the first
mother/son crime duo in history.

I told you, Phil,
we didn't steal your sign.

We slept in
this morning.

Mother and I went clubbing
last night.

We went looking
for a husband

but lost ourselves
on the dance floor.

Nice try, but I'm not buying
what you're selling.

Confess!
I can do this all day!

Or...

Six more times!

Phil!

I'm tracking the thief
that stole our sign!

Hurry!
He's getting away!

I guess this new information
bursts my balloon.

I bid you good day.

Well, somebody
should enjoy this.

- I'm hungry.
- Stella!

She's probably
down the street

playing with that
greasy Chihuahua.

Where'd I go wrong?

Why doesn't she know
she deserves better?

I think I have some old
cheese puffs in my room.

Damn it!

How'd you get
all the way across town?!

I'm coming, baby!

I'm coming!

Hey, J...
Nah.

Alex,
what are you doing?

Turning down this job

before corporate evil
corrodes my insides.

And I am not
leaving my babies

so that I can be this stressed
and miserable.

I'm going to jail.

I signed things
without reading them.

What if I helped
the pervs?

What if I put the gun
in their hand?

Doesn't sound like
it was a gun in their hand.

Solid.

Well, it's been
a great 40 years.

In the words of my tattoo...
peace out.

Well...

Margaret!

Oh, it's okay.
I don't work here anymore.

- Yeah, I'm out, too.
- Yeah, I'm not going down

- with this ship. - No, no, no!
- Stop! No one's leaving.

We're not gonna let
one little misstep

make us forget everything
this company has given us.

I loved being
a stay‐at‐home mom. I did.

But working here has given me
a whole new sense of self.

And come on.

One mistake
does not make us evil.

We will come clean.

We'll recall the product.
We'll do whatever we have to do.

Because under this tech B. S.,
there is a company we love.

Look, we may no longer
make smart closets,

but we sure as hell
are gonna make smart closets.

Looking for a smart outfit?

Maintain eye contact
with the mirror

and begin stripping down.

I deeply regret that.

Approaching Stella.

Look!
That's him on the bike!

He's going off‐road!

Don't worry!

I'm gonna catch this guy
or die trying!

I love your enthusiasm.

One note, and... and this might
be a second‐language thing,

but when you say "die"...

No, no, no!
He's getting away!

Freeze!

Jay?

What a ray of light
in a dark time.

Shut up, Phil.
Where's my dog?

And what are you doing here?
I thought you had a flat tire.

I had to catch the thief
that was stealing Phil's signs,

so I put Stella's tracking thing
on it.

What? What if she's
down the street

with that over‐sexed Chihuahua?

Jay, she needs it, and you can't
be her everything!

Turn around, punk.
I want to see your face.

Sam?

Why are you stealing signs
from your own house?

Oh.
You don't want to move.

I don't want
to leave my friends.

I get it.

Change is hard.

When I moved to this country,
it was change.

When I got married and moved
to a mainly white neighborhood

with kind of racist
lawn statues, that was change.

But we get to
meet new people

and we get to do new things
that we love.

12 years ago,
I didn't know these people,

and now I would
kill for them.

You'll find people
like that, too.

‐I hope you're right.
‐I am.

So, now let's go.

Put that bike in my car,
and I'll drive you home.

Gloria,
that was so terrific.

I know.

I am wonderful!

Why don't you want
to hire me?

Because I was worried
that it was a hobby to you,

something to do
till you got bored,

but today, you really
showed me something.

- You're giving me the job?
- Yeah.

This means that I'm gonna
have to work more...

It's fine. If Sam can
handle change, so can I.

Welcome to Dunphy Realty,
Ms. Delgado.

Delgado?

That's your
working name?

Man, the hits
just keep comin'.

Okay, before I do more,
does this look natural?

That's a tricky word

because the color orange
does appear in nature.

Well, there you all are.

Look, I love you,
but you are literally

the only six people here
I don't want in my bedroom.

Thanks. We weren't feeling
insecure enough already.

You know
what I think?

You only invited us

because we make you look
like the hot old guy!

Old guy?
I'm not old.

Oh, please.
Hide that hairline all you want.

We know what year you danced
on that Paula Abdul tour,

and so do they.

Oh, my God.

I'm making a fool out of myself,
aren't I?

Straight up, now tell me.

‐Hi, honey.
‐Lily!

Hey, girl, hey.

I knew it.
You're hiding.

- No, no, no.
- Oh, no, no.

- T‐They are, but we're not.
- We're not.

So, I'm supposed to love
who I am, but you guys don't?

Hypocrites.

Tough love time?
We dig her.

It comes off
a little mean.

She's not mean.
She's right.

I mean, why are we so obsessed
with how we look?

So people will
have sex with us?

But confidence
is the sexiest thing.

That sounds stupid,
doesn't it?

I'm sorry.

Look at someone else.

Okay,
but you know what?

Confidence is
the most important thing.

And look, maybe we've lost
a little of our beauty,

but we have a lot
to be proud of.

I‐I'm a vice principal,
I'm a dad,

I'm the city's first
openly gay football coach.

And... And I'm
a state prosecutor.

Ronaldo has a business
and a family.

And... And Bobby...

I mean, sure,
his career's not on fire,

but he looks great,
and he's 50.

I'm 37,
you wicked old witch!

But... But the point...

Hey, the point is,
at our age,

we have earned the right to
be comfortable with who we are.

Now, let's get out there,
set good examples

for our children
and our overly pampered pets.

You with me?

♪ I like big boys,
itty‐bitty boys ♪

♪ Mississippi boys,
inner‐city boys ♪

♪ I like the pretty boys
with the bow tie ♪

♪ Get your nails did,
let it blow‐dry ♪

♪ I like a big beard,
I like a clean face ♪

♪ I don't discriminate,
come and get a taste ♪

♪ From the playboys
to the gay boys ♪

♪ Go and slay, boys,
you my fave boys ♪

♪ Boys ♪

♪ Boys ♪

♪ Boys ♪

♪ Make a girl go crazy ♪

♪ Four, three, two, ow ♪

♪ Boys ♪

♪ Boys ♪

♪ Boys ♪

- ♪ Make a girl go crazy ♪
- Whoo‐hoo!

♪ Four, three, two, ow ♪

The older we get,

the harder it is to keep up
with life's changes.

We hold on to
who we once were

like it's the only way
we could be happy.

‐Bye, buddy.
‐Bye, buddy.

Bye‐bye.

But there are huge rewards
when we take risks,

embrace new experiences.

I am a proud
middle‐aged man.

This is what I look like,
and I think I look sexy!

Am I literally invisible
to you people?!

‐Whew.
‐You know, I am so proud of us.

We overcame a lot today.

Yeah, you know, I feel so much
lighter without all that shame.

Although, I‐I guess
it wouldn't hurt us

if we were
actually lighter.

Yeah. I mean, we could exercise
more and both eat better.

It would help
if we got rid

of some of these temptations,
you know?

Like, we don't need three
different kinds of pasta.

Right, and, you know,
Parmesan cheese, heavy cream...

I mean, it's just
empty calories and fat.

We're totally making
fettuccini Alfredo, aren't we?

Damn straight. We don't have
another pool party for months.

I'll salt the water.
I'm gonna get wine.

Sync corrections by srjanapala