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Multi -millionaire Terence Twiggy
Rathbone has bought the Daily Crucible
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newspaper and appointed Russell Spam as
its new aggressive editor, while former
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editor Harry Stringer has been rehoused
in the office lift.
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Reporter Greg Kettle, meanwhile, has
discovered ex -Soviet leader Nikita
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00:00:25,430 --> 00:00:27,790
Khrushchev alive in Switzerland.
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00:00:55,210 --> 00:00:56,890
What would you like, Mr. Rathbone?
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I think I'll have the Chattoria
Maritimo.
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That's the restaurant, sir.
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Yes, that's what I'll have.
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Well... Acquisitive as ever, Adrian.
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You know, I often think it's a good
thing that the government don't find out
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about your little business manoeuvres.
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Quite so, Prime Minister.
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Talking of which, Mr. Rathbone...
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There was the most extraordinary
demonstrations going on down in the
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we came in.
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Something about cheap labour in your
South American mind.
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Propaganda, Mrs McNamara. Left -wing
crazies at work.
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Well, it says here, some of your
labourers are digging the mineral out of
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rocks with their bare hands.
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I believe in a return to Victorian
values.
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Yes, of course. It's just that, well, in
a uranium mine... Health risks are
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minimised, Prime Minister.
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Every worker is issued with his own
asbestos suit.
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Yes.
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Anyway, you've made it into Queen Street
at last, I see.
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00:02:03,311 --> 00:02:07,029
The newspapers are the cow dung in the
field of communications, Mrs. McNamara,
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but they have their uses.
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Unpredictable, these two.
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Take our bill next week on the
restoration of capital punishment.
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Signs are it's going to be a very close
thing.
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All it needs is a slight nudge in public
opinion.
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I think I catch your drift, Franklin.
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Of course, I have no control over the
Daily Crucible's political view. Oh,
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whatever.
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I have no control over any inquiry into
South American operations when it comes
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to that.
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No, no, no, I'm quite sure that your
record on human rights is utterly
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00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,050
blemish.
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What would you like to start with, Russ?
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A
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good
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journalist knows how to protect his
story, Harry. There's some right
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Fleet Street these days.
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I still say this is madness, Russ.
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Everyone knows Khrushchev died in 1971.
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In obscurity.
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What proof did the world ever have that
he was really dead?
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Oh, for God's sake, Russell.
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Why don't we say we found Trotsky and
Rasputin as well at McDonald's?
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Mr. Newstead?
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Is he still alive?
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I'm not disgusted. It didn't seem rather
personal.
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He does look a bit like Chris Chopper,
doesn't he?
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But we've still got to prove it,
Russell.
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We've got to have hard evidence.
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We'll have the evidence, Harry.
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If this checks out, it won't be
dynamite, it'll be thermonuclear.
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Get it to tell us everything.
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Politics, the power, the passion.
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Born again, Supremo spills sex secrets.
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Russell Reed, black from dead red.
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Lift lid on loves and lust.
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There's never been a story like it.
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I'm impressed, Russell. You've certainly
done your homework on this one.
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They've been over it with a fine
-toothed scalpel, sir.
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Every square molecule of it. The man is
crucial.
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You're looking queasy, Harry. What's the
matter?
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Well, these Sovietologists certainly
argue a cogent case, I agree, but I
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pretend I don't have reservations.
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Reservations are the condoms in the
birth of new ideas, Harry.
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When I take over a business, I take the
back seat. Right, Russell?
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Right, sir.
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Your policy of less affair is a beacon
of inspiration to all Fleet Street.
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People are calling you the new Roy
Thompson.
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I trust that man implicitly, Harry. He's
young, he's new, he has a fresh view.
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He can smell a soup when he sees one.
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Just to warn you, Stampede 7, the Iran
-Iraq peace initiative, it's been
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Yeah, there's a replacement on its way.
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Love -tug budgie and millet -dope
riddle.
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You know,
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I think I may have managed to convince
myself, Max.
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What about Khrushchev?
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After all, the most distinguished...
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experts in the country are prepared to
go on the record?
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Maybe I've misjudged Spam.
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I mean, perhaps, deep down, he's
actually a... My godfathers, what are
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Artwork samples for the hanging spread.
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Hanging spread? What hanging spread?
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New rush job to coincide with the
Commons vote on Monday. There's the memo
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Spam.
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Should we reinstate the rope for
rippers?
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or let homicidal psychopaths prowl the
streets on probation, the crucible
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carefully considers both sides of the
issue.
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Who's on this, as if I didn't know?
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Kettle and Bill Titler left a couple of
hours ago.
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Greg says something about a brilliant
new angle he wanted to chase up. You
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haven't put young Titler onto a story
with Greg Kettle?
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And I had such high hopes for that boy.
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We've come here to talk to the relatives
of a murder victim, is that right? Not
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the relatives of a murder victim, no.
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The friend of a murder victim?
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Not exactly the friend of a murder
victim, no.
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We have come here to talk to the murder
victim.
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The murder victim is dead.
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A dead person talked to us.
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Hello? Is there anybody there?
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Mrs Gladys Tate, Greg Kettle of Her
Majesty's Press. We spoke on the phone.
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Everything is ready. I'm on the second
floor.
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Now, remember, this woman is a very big
medium.
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We are about to enter a haven of peace
and transcendental reverence.
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Yes, I think the spirits are receptive,
Mr Kettle. Whom is it you wish to speak
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to? I'd like to call up first Mr Edward
Daintree, who was hacked to death by the
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Butcher of Burns.
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He is here. Mr Daintree is with us now.
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Edward Daintree, there is one here who
would speak with you.
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Will you respond?
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Go ahead, please.
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Good morning, Mr Daintree.
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Sorry to drag you down here.
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We're doing a background piece on the
rights and wrongs of the death penalty
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convicted murderers.
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Now, you were horribly disemboweled by
one of these people.
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I believe at one point your head was cut
off with a bread knife.
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Do you think that a ten or fifteen year
prison sentence is adequate for this
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sort of grisly crime?
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Uh -huh.
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Yes?
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Would you?
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I guess not.
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Right. Well, thank you very much indeed,
then, Mr. Daydream.
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Was there anything you wanted to ask?
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Uh, no. I think that's covered most of
my points.
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00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:06,960
Well, thank you very much, then, Mrs.
Tagpa.
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00:09:08,220 --> 00:09:14,180
Next, I wonder if you could get hold of
a Mrs. Belle Elmore Crippin.
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Talk to me about sociologists, unquote,
said A5 murder victim Harry Langham.
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Small intestines were found in a ditch.
Point. New path.
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Quotes. They know F for Freddy dash,
dash, dash. All about anything.
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More to follow later.
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Yes, it requires a special kind of
skill.
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job of the reporter.
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Very similar to that of the nuclear
physicist or the brain surgeon.
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I'm surprised you never went in for
brain surgery, Greg.
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Many people have suggested it over the
years.
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The hand, part of the hand.
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Right, this is the mock -up for Monday's
front.
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We leave with Khrushchev, obviously, all
the background material, substantiating
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evidence, how the Crucible scoured the
world for six months to find him and so
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on.
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Gradually we set the scene for the next
day's issue when we start serialising
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his official memoirs as told to Greg
Kettle.
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I remember Greg not too dry.
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I want it spiced with scandal.
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What were the young men of the Kremlin
like between the sheets? Was Brezhnev
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really the superstar everyone claimed?
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How did Kosygin feel about women with
big breasts?
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Right.
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But don't trivialise it.
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And on the centre, we run the background
spread on hanging. Time to coincide
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with the Commons vote later today.
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Yes.
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I must say that for an article that
purports to offer a fair, evenly
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discussion on the morality of capital
punishment, the headline string the
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bastards up.
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offense so far.
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What would you suggest, Harry?
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I suggest we give Bill Titler a free
hand for a few days.
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Left to himself, he might come up with
something useful.
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Father Teasdale.
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Bill Titler, Daily Crucible.
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You can start by taking that crate into
the hall.
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I'm afraid everything's rather a muddle.
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They're closing the church down, you
see. I really... Oh, don't worry.
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I'll get the brownies to move it later.
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00:11:56,560 --> 00:12:01,299
Actually, I wondered if I might have a
word about your late brother, Mr Trevor
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Teasdale. Trevor?
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Oh, yes.
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Sweet, charming fellow.
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00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:08,699
Well, what did you want to know? Well, I
understand he was assistant chief
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hangman of Great Britain.
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00:12:09,961 --> 00:12:14,759
I don't want to talk about that, I'm
afraid. No, I never talk about it. No,
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sorry. Fine, fine, fine. Point taken.
It's not my job to pry, I understand.
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A bit sensitive.
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So you, uh, say you've got to pack up
and move out, then?
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Certainly, yes.
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How much to do until the... Oh, no, no.
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Not in the sun, please.
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Use the toilet roll.
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You see, Prime Minister, the crucible
spread on hanging is pretty well sewn up
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for tomorrow's edition.
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I'd be a rogue and a rapscallion if I
tried to interfere with that coffee now.
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Oh, absolutely, Twiggy. Well, the
crucible must print. The crucible must
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Cigar. Oh, what's that? Some notes of
mine?
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00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:07,000
It appears to be a short list for the
Queen's birthday honours, Prime
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00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:10,070
Lord Rathbone of Higerton.
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00:13:10,530 --> 00:13:12,210
Sir Russell Spam.
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00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:14,890
Harold Stringer, CBE.
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00:13:15,150 --> 00:13:18,290
Oh, how careless are we, Twiggy? This is
highly confidential.
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00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:22,140
Of course, none of these has actually
been confirmed yet.
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00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:24,970
Names can still be removed.
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00:13:27,650 --> 00:13:32,809
With all due respect, sir, I feel it
morally wrong and totally indefensible
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00:13:32,810 --> 00:13:36,890
three honours should be bestowed on a
single newspaper.
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00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:40,240
Strike off, Harry Stringer.
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00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:46,420
And the attendances never did pick up,
so down came the Episcopal decree.
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00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,000
The church has got to go.
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00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,620
It's very sad, Father.
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00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:54,860
Still, I suppose I'd better be off.
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00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,390
Thanks very much for the tea and
sandwiches.
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00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:58,650
Bye now.
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00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:04,299
Oh, sorry. There was just one small
detail I wanted to check before I go
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00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:05,350
your brother.
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00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:09,020
He died on March the 4th, 1973, is that
right?
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00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:10,890
Quinn Quagesma.
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00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:16,279
Yes, that's right, because I remember
actually being at home at the time with
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00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:21,899
parents, all celebrating Quinn Quagesma.
I remember them saying on the news that
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00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:26,299
the Home Secretary had just granted a
pardon to Raymond Evans, the man your
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00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,140
brother had hanged 17 years before.
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00:14:28,940 --> 00:14:34,380
That was quite a coincidence, I suppose,
your brother dying that very same day.
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00:14:35,150 --> 00:14:38,870
I told you I didn't want to talk about
that. Oh, no, no, I wouldn't want you
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00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:43,750
I've never said a word to anybody about
it in 13 years.
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00:14:43,751 --> 00:14:47,209
Right. Well, you know what the press
would do with a story like that.
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00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:50,580
And I don't want to talk about it ever
again, don't you understand?
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00:14:51,370 --> 00:14:58,269
How I went to his house that day and...
..found him there, hanging from
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00:14:58,270 --> 00:14:59,320
the banisters.
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00:15:00,870 --> 00:15:03,710
The rope all taut and rigid round his
neck.
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00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,500
He always could tie a good knot, Trevor.
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00:15:11,380 --> 00:15:16,460
Your brother, a former hangman, hanged
himself. He couldn't bear it, you see,
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00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,390
knowing that he'd taken an innocent
man's life like that.
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00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:24,580
Well, I think you're absolutely right
not to talk about it, Father.
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00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:29,040
Now, when you first found him hanging...
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00:15:29,041 --> 00:15:33,889
Change of plan, everyone. The BBC's
check has bounced. The breakfast time
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00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:35,150
appearance is cancelled.
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00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:40,490
It's time to deal with a special live
interview with ITV at nine tonight.
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00:15:44,850 --> 00:15:46,610
OK, careful with him, boys.
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He's exclusive.
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This is terrific, Will.
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Just what the spread needs to put some
sanity back into it.
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00:15:53,681 --> 00:15:58,779
Bill Tickler's just come back with a
good one for the spread, Max.
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00:15:58,780 --> 00:16:02,450
A hangman who hanged himself when he
found he'd executed an innocent man.
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00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:05,450
The whole spread was moulded ten minutes
ago, Harry. Sorry.
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00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:06,590
Bugger it.
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00:16:06,620 --> 00:16:08,560
Where's Spam, then? TV studio.
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00:16:08,940 --> 00:16:11,110
Live Christoph interview in five
minutes.
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00:16:11,111 --> 00:16:13,199
Well, can't we run this on page three at
all?
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00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,079
There's a piece about Princess Diana
being anorexic again.
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00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,130
What?
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00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:23,700
Died shock -flat tight. Spark slim
-plagued scare.
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00:16:24,740 --> 00:16:27,980
Weight loss, health theory of a royal
knee wrinkle.
249
00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:29,400
What does this mean?
250
00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:33,570
Oh, it's a scene last night at the
theatre. One leg of a tight, slightly
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00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:37,940
Do you think she's lost weight, Annie?
Look, this is her yesterday.
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00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:40,250
This is her the same day last year.
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00:16:41,070 --> 00:16:44,440
Oh, who the hell gives a toss about
Princess Diana's bloody tight?
254
00:16:44,990 --> 00:16:47,650
That's the death of, oh, my God.
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00:16:48,290 --> 00:16:49,340
Oh.
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00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:56,559
And here on LWT in a moment, a change of
program, we present a special live
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00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,660
interview with former Soviet leader
Nikita Khrushchev.
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00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:09,570
Yes,
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00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,520
rather fat and almost completely bald.
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00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:16,280
How do you spell that?
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00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:17,770
Yes.
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00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:19,770
Mr.
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00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:21,550
Donald...
264
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:24,960
Oh, yeah.
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00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:28,480
Chronic schizophrenia.
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00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:37,280
And what happened after he was
discharged? Did he... I see.
267
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:39,590
Stay with friends.
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00:17:39,671 --> 00:17:41,319
Good
269
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:50,800
evening.
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00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,680
Tonight... A rare moment in history.
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00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:59,819
Former Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev,
ousted from power in 1964 and believed
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00:17:59,820 --> 00:18:05,859
to have died in 1971, was last week
found alive by a reporter working for
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00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:07,180
Daily Crucible newspaper.
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00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:12,339
The Crucible's editor, Mr. Russell Spam,
is with me tonight with Mr. Khrushchev
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00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:17,760
himself, now 93 years old, but still, I
understand, alert and articulate.
276
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:22,399
Mr. Khrushchev, can I start by asking
you, How does it feel to have been dead
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00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,450
for 15 years?
278
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,980
Mr. Christophe, did you hear my
question?
279
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:35,610
Mr. Christophe?
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00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:38,550
Mr. Christophe?
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00:18:44,531 --> 00:18:51,339
We're going to move on now to tomorrow's
debate in the Commons on capital
282
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:55,619
punishment. All the polls show that the
outcome is still very much in the
283
00:18:55,620 --> 00:18:59,819
balance. Earlier this evening, the Prime
Minister told me why he believed the
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00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:02,240
death sentence was an effective
deterrent.
285
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:10,810
What's the verdict?
286
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,130
Serious?
287
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:33,860
Things are a mess, Russell.
288
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,960
Not only did this man die on live
television.
289
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:41,619
Now, you tell me it wasn't Khrushchev at
all, but some fruitcake from a loopy
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00:19:41,620 --> 00:19:42,579
bin.
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00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:44,580
What can I say, Mr.
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00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,220
Rathbone? I've had enough, Russell.
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00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:48,490
You're fired.
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00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,920
I quite understand, sir.
295
00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:57,940
You were going for a moment there,
didn't I?
296
00:19:58,300 --> 00:19:59,350
What?
297
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:06,460
Excellent front page. Wait till Harry
sees it. He'll be pleased as punch.
298
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,460
TV death blow spikes Fool's Day gag.
299
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:16,219
The tragic death of a 75 -year -old man
on live TV last night sadly scuppered
300
00:20:16,220 --> 00:20:19,300
Britain's biggest ever National April
Fool's Day spoof.
301
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:24,579
A father -loving crucible had put up
geriatric joker Mr Donald Kubelski to
302
00:20:24,580 --> 00:20:29,340
hopes role of Mr Khrushchev as part of a
special all -Fool's Day prank.
303
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,810
Tell Spam I want to feed him here in my
office immediately.
304
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:38,600
Hey! You just don't get to say the front
page is a cracker.
305
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:43,859
How you have the effrontery, Russell, to
pass off this fiat. Oh, incidentally,
306
00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:47,780
I've just read this hangman piece of
young Titler's first -rate job.
307
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,020
Duke -ridden noose -boss in string -up
shock.
308
00:20:52,100 --> 00:20:55,240
Rope chief's brother tells of heartache,
lynch grief.
309
00:20:55,690 --> 00:20:58,160
It's a story that swings hanging
debates, Harry.
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00:20:58,161 --> 00:21:01,589
Shame it missed the paper. Oh, the word
down from the Chief Whip's office is
311
00:21:01,590 --> 00:21:05,470
that the bill should cruise through this
afternoon by seven votes.
312
00:21:05,471 --> 00:21:09,489
Thanks in no small measure to our
Chamber of Horrors contribution, I dare
313
00:21:09,490 --> 00:21:11,290
Well, it's not good enough, Russell.
314
00:21:12,210 --> 00:21:13,260
I agree, Harry.
315
00:21:14,010 --> 00:21:16,950
We've put on half a million readers, but
we need more.
316
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:21,990
We need a stronger image, a campaigning
paper, a paper with a conscience.
317
00:21:23,130 --> 00:21:27,269
How's this going for a new long...
running moral crusade. The Crucible
318
00:21:27,270 --> 00:21:29,190
war on an enemy of society.
319
00:21:29,530 --> 00:21:33,369
An evil power -crazed maniac, a rabid
lunatic who makes Hitler look like
320
00:21:33,370 --> 00:21:34,209
Paddington Bear.
321
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:36,500
And only the Crucible dares to stand up
to him.
322
00:21:36,810 --> 00:21:38,150
Well, who is this person?
323
00:21:38,870 --> 00:21:40,610
We haven't found him yet, but...
324
00:22:11,020 --> 00:22:16,819
off his master and a story with some
sordid sex appeal someone's secrets we
325
00:22:16,820 --> 00:22:18,989
grabbed famous facts that we have
stabbed
326
00:22:18,990 --> 00:22:23,540
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