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I like The Daily Crucible because it's a
paper that makes me think.
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It's extraordinarily well written, and I
find its political coverage unrivaled
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in sheer... Mr.
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Stringer, can we keep to the point,
please?
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Yes, sorry, am I going to resign?
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Certainly not.
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The Daily Crucible and myself are here
to stay. Make no mistake about that.
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Papers. We'll tell you what's the news.
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Just buy your papers.
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00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:46,660
Papers.
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We'll tell you what's the news.
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00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:51,520
Just buy your papers.
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The Daily Crucible was set up 18 months
ago by a private business consortium
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with a mission to print the absolute
truth, free from bias and free from
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distortion. It was a recipe for economic
disaster.
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Circulation figures and advertising
revenue were so abysmal that within
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the entire enterprise was being labelled
the product of a diseased mind.
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Then, three months later, came a
sensation.
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Deeply upset by allegations of the
paper's poor news coverage, the
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editor, Humphrey Brassett, threw himself
out of his office room.
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The event made front -page headlines in
every national newspaper except the
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Crucible, which missed the story.
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The paper's new editor, Harry Stringer,
Once named by a leading woman's
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magazine, the dullest man in Britain was
unable to stop the rot. And this week,
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the signs are that the paper's backers
may have to give way and sell up.
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There are known to be several parties
interested in buying up the Crucible,
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the favourite must surely be this man,
Terence Twiggy Rathbush, chairman and
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managing director of the multi -million
pound Rathouse International
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Corporation.
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Mr. Rathbone's business empire is
already vast by any standards, but he
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never yet fulfilled his long -cherished
ambition to acquire a fleet street
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daily. By this time next week, that
dream may well have become a reality.
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No. No, I can't talk about pay cases
now. I've got a newspaper to bring out.
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Bloody press.
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Come in.
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Just a quick one, is it, Harry? I'm
halfway through an unnatural act in a
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lavatory.
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Sit down, Greg.
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I've, uh... I've had a letter of
complaint from a Mrs. Edna Sperling who
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as housekeeper at the home of Lady
Deborah Harrington Scott in Chelsea.
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Oh, yes?
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She says yesterday morning, just after
Lady Deborah had gone out shopping, she
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received a visit from a rather greasy
-looking character who claimed to be
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the North Thames gas board.
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While waiting to be asked, the man
pushed his way into the bedroom and
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rummaging through the drawers.
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Challenged on this, he said some gas had
escaped and he was trying to find it.
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Bizarre little story.
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While we're on the subject of bizarre
little stories, Greg, Prince Andrew's
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girlfriend wears kinky black suspenders
and that's official.
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Dishy Deborah Harrington Scott, it was
revealed today, has an extensive
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of saucy unmentionables, including
sinful French knickers and frilly lace
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garters, guaranteed to give any young
prince a royal flush.
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How can you write this salacious odium?
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Well, I suppose it's a gift.
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Anyhow, if you'll excuse me... I'm not
standing for it any longer, Greg, I've
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had enough.
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The time has come for the parting of the
way.
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I see.
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You've made your mind up, have you? I
have.
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Well, I'll be sorry to see you go,
Annie.
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You're a bloody good editor.
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I'm not going anywhere, Greg. You are.
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It's all in there.
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Now take it and leave my office. Go.
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Harry Stringer.
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What?
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When?
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Oh, my God, no.
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This is a great day for Fleet Street,
gentlemen. Under the new ownership of
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House International, the daily crucible
will go from strength to strength,
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embodying... The noble traditions of
free speech and the unrestricted flow of
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information for all.
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No further comment.
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This is no ego trip for me, gentlemen.
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I like to keep a low profile. Of course,
there will be changes.
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But change is the crankshaft in the
drive for progress. And talking of
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crankshaft, what can I say about Harry
Stringer here?
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the finest newsman of his generation.
During his time as editor, the
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gone from bad to worse.
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The chair of the market has plunged to
an all -time low.
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But did he get downhearted? Did he go
around sniveling and whining about it?
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Of course he does.
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Because he's a human being just like you
and me, you cats.
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00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:07,080
And that's why, as from today, I'm
upgrading you, Harry, with taking over
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brand -new post of executive managing
editor.
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I'm surprised.
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Oh. Well, I don't really know what to
say. Finally, gentlemen, I want you to
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rest assured that I shall confine my
involvement on the crucible to affairs
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management only.
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00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:26,500
I don't hold with megalomaniac press
barons who try and stamp their politics
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anything.
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Punish the crucible!
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must retain its independence, and that's
why I've appointed as the new editor
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Mr. Russell Spam.
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A man whose name is synonymous with
integrity in journalism.
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Russell Spam? I don't think any Russ has
ever heard of Russell Spam. Spam's
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worked miracles on some of my African
titles. He's a man after my own heart. I
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think you'll like him. As a matter of
fact, if you'll be here by now, if
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00:05:54,460 --> 00:05:56,840
excuse me, I'll just go and see where
he's got to.
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Oh.
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Congratulations on becoming executive
managing editor.
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Thank you, Max.
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What exactly does an executive managing
editor do?
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Well, basically, I'll be... Well, it'll
be my job to...
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I can't believe we've met.
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I'm sorry?
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to rush off before the banks closed.
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Rest assured, everyone, that I shall
take up this job just where you left
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Your newspaper couldn't be in safer
hands.
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bathroom. We'd better fix you up with
someone temporary. It's not ideal, but
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we're a bit pushed for space.
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Oh dear.
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Where have you put me? In the lift?
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Managing editor.
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Well, I'm responsible for the... I...
Well, basically, my
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job now is to... Can I call you back?
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00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,840
Well, there's the Israeli push into the
Bekaa Valley. 500 dead, according to
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agency reports.
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00:08:04,820 --> 00:08:05,820
Have we got a man in the water?
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00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:09,020
Jeff Tindall's in Riyadh. I could put
him straight on a plane for Lebanon.
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00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:13,260
great respect, gentlemen, this is the
Daily Crucible, not the Beirut Bugle.
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If I see Jewish atrocities, I can go and
watch Sammy Davis Jr.
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People in Britain want to know what's
happening here, now.
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The crucible is a limp organ. It needs
pepping up.
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I'm sorry, Russell, I can't agree.
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The crucible's function is to provide a
serious, in -depth analysis of world
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affairs. Independent of external
constraints? Yes.
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Where the editor has complete,
unfettered control?
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00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:46,340
Certainly. Free from interference from
busybody executives?
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Absolutely.
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So, it's agreed, then, what this paper
needs is new blood. Someone who can turn
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out copy.
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00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:56,060
Like this story in today's Sun.
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Palace playmate supports sexy sizzlers.
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00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:05,220
Exposed. The undercover secrets of Royal
Romeo's perv gear princess.
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00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,980
Prince Andrew's new girlfriend wears
kinky black suspenders and that's
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00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:15,700
But you know where the son got this
nugget of gold? From a freelance called
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00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:19,560
Kettle. Well, gentlemen, that reporter
is a freelance no longer. I've snapped
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00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,460
him up for a six -figure sum to come and
work for us. You're not serious.
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I don't hang about, Harry.
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Life's too short.
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Lady Deborah's the hottest thing on
newsprint at the moment, and Kettle's
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man to come up with the goods. I've sent
him out this morning to Switzerland to
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cover the royal skiing holiday.
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I don't think he'll let her down.
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Oui, qu 'est -ce que c 'est? Oh, good
evening, Madame Press.
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I'm looking for somewhere to spend the
night. There is no room here.
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Why is the hotel search?
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00:09:47,050 --> 00:09:48,730
The hotel search used is full up.
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It's being used as a place by gossip
columnists from Der Spiegel.
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00:09:52,790 --> 00:09:55,710
Then to pass them on time next door. Oh,
that's full up as well.
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Paris Match, Newsweek and the
Bridlington Mercury got there first.
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Everywhere's full.
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00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:03,510
Now, I'm sure you wouldn't refuse
accommodation to a member of Her
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Prince. You cannot possibly stay in my
chalet. I appreciate your concern for my
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00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:11,090
welfare, but I've slept in worse squalor
than this.
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00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:13,270
Oh, I'll just move this out of the way.
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00:10:13,550 --> 00:10:20,230
An elderly person might well... That
is... That is my lodger. He's very
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old. Oh, well, he'll grow out of it in
due course.
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00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:27,510
Now, then, you will, of course, be
recompensed for this inconvenience. The
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British press is not without honour.
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Invoice to our accounts department.
They'll come to an arrangement.
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Don't affect dentists' appointments with
lust.
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00:10:42,370 --> 00:10:45,310
Atom leak mum in Boy George Mercy Dash.
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Toupées cause cancer. It's a fact.
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What you're concerned, Harry, it's only
natural.
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The concern is the squashed hedgehog on
the right. Old Trinicari.
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Russell's got his finger on the pulse.
It's not for me to interfere.
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00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:09,250
I think I'd feel a lot happier, sir, if
you could clarify exactly what are my
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responsibilities as executive managing
editor.
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You're the top dog, Harry.
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00:11:14,810 --> 00:11:17,470
Yes. But what actually is my job?
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00:11:18,190 --> 00:11:21,030
Your job, Harry, is to... Oh, excuse me
just one moment.
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00:11:21,350 --> 00:11:25,030
Now, Russell, everything under control.
I've just been talking to Harry.
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Harry? Harry who?
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One of the finest newsmen of his
generation, sir. I agree, Russell.
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The man's a legend.
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Exactly, but I think for me he's
bothering him. Maybe I should have a
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for his mind at rest.
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Would you, Russell? Certainly, sir.
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I'd appreciate it if you could do that.
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Harry!
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How's it going?
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Come back to the office and we'll talk.
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And as if all that wasn't bad enough,
Russell.
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This afternoon, I was flicking through
the news desk diary, and I found this.
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00:12:04,660 --> 00:12:09,220
Under December the 23rd, exactly nine
months from today, it says, Royal Baby,
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00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:10,540
question mark.
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00:12:10,780 --> 00:12:12,040
What does it mean, Russell?
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00:13:08,810 --> 00:13:10,710
It's called the freedom of the press.
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00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:15,750
It's what distinguishes our society from
those of Eastern Europe. You people are
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the filth of the earth.
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00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:18,330
It's a school of thought, aren't you?
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Go on, get out of my room. Out!
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Go on!
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00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,300
Bob produced a knuckle duster and socked
me on the jaw.
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00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:23,940
Blob broke a small soup tureen over my
head, comma, screaming, quotes, F for
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Freddy, dash, dash, dash, off.
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00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:33,040
You greasy little W, dash, dash, dash,
dash, dash, exclamation
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00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,900
marks, close quote, new part.
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00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:39,720
A palace spokesman denied that Lady
Deborah has a history of heavy drinking.
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00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:43,500
Right, front page, Max, what have we got
for tomorrow?
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00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:49,440
East -West summit, 200 dead in Soweto.
I'm not talking about down -page
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00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,440
Max.
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We've had our beating -up reporters.
What can we do for a follow -up?
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Sex scandal would just fit across five
columns.
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00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:02,080
Wasn't Harry meant to be coming to this
meeting, Russell?
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00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,240
Harry who?
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00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:06,980
Harry. Harry Stringer.
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00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,440
Well, probably got detained somewhere.
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00:15:10,420 --> 00:15:12,300
You know, I think that we should...
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Harry who?
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00:15:20,290 --> 00:15:21,790
Harry, where are you?
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00:15:22,590 --> 00:15:24,590
Stuck? Between floors?
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00:15:25,790 --> 00:15:27,570
Well, that's terrible, Harry, just
terrible.
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Still, can't be helped.
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00:15:29,390 --> 00:15:32,510
Try pressing the alarm button. Bye.
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00:15:33,490 --> 00:15:34,890
Listen, I think I've got one.
220
00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:36,150
Pornographic videos.
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00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:40,270
Pornographic videos?
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00:15:40,590 --> 00:15:43,850
Can you imagine the sensation if we
revealed that during her days as a
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00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,030
Lady Deborah once took part in a porno
movie?
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00:15:46,290 --> 00:15:47,330
The print lies like that.
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00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,860
up in the tower. They can't sue us for
publishing malicious rumours in good
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00:15:51,860 --> 00:15:53,740
faith. Rumours? I've heard no rumours.
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00:15:53,940 --> 00:15:55,340
All right. Listen to this one.
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00:15:56,420 --> 00:16:01,900
Some filth merchant in Soho is peddling
sex films with Lady Deborah in them.
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00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:03,300
Is he?
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00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,200
It could be.
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00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:15,240
We print a couple of blurred stills of a
naked girl on the job and ask, is it or
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00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,520
isn't it the crucible?
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00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:20,040
damn deceitful and disgusting slander.
There's your front lead, ma 'am.
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00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,220
Lady Deb in Blue Movie Queen Quiz.
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Royal Throt by Shock Porn's Dawn.
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The Queen forbids them to meet again.
We're off to the races.
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Hardcore heartbreak for Playboy Prince.
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Bare all antics. Spike royal love fling.
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You know, we're going to have to get
maintenance to do something about these
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libs.
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I wish I had nipples like yours, Jane.
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Hey, looks like we're just in time.
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What's this one called again?
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Oh, Christ knows. They're all beginning
to look the same now.
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Red hot nymphos from Rangoon.
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is Royals cancel skiing trip and rush
home to deal with porno scandal.
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I'll see what I can do.
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Bye.
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I'll have some more toast, if you've got
it.
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And can you get me another cup of tea?
This one's got a piece of string in it.
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You know, your face looks familiar.
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You weren't landlord of the Amschimmel
beer garden at the time of the 76 Munich
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massacre, by any chance?
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What was that man's name?
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Khrushchev.
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Nikita Khrushchev. No, no, it began with
a D.
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He had a very novel way of writing his
name in the froth. I used to amuse the
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ladies.
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What name did you say?
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Khrushchev. Khrushchev?
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He was leader of Russia, wasn't he?
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1953 to 1964.
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And then came the discreditation.
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The seagulls.
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The prisoners.
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They were always hungry for power.
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What are you all about?
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The Supreme Soviet did what it could to
bury my name.
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My death was a fiction.
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The body was for me called Bull Terrier.
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I live here.
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Give the only norm.
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I just had a call from Harry, Russell.
He tells me you've been sailing close to
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the wind on this royal story.
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If I've upset Harry Stringer, I'm a boy
on the face of journalism, sir.
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I hereby tender my resignation.
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That's a fine little gesture, Russell,
that I've got.
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One more chance.
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I'll try to be worthy of it, sir.
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Oh, firm.
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Look here, this ludicrous charade has
gone on quite long.
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I thought I'd find you both in here.
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I mean,
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I just... They'll skin us alive. They'll
take us for every penny we've got.
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Russell, this statement's just been
issued by Lady Deborah's solicitors. My
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what did I tell you? We're finished.
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We write with reference to your front
page article today alluding to an
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appearance by Lady Deborah Harrington
Scott in a video production titled Red
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Nymphos from Rangoon.
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The aforesaid article has caused deep
distress and embarrassment to our client
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and we hereby formally serve notice of
the following. One, that our client only
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took part in the above film because of
her adverse financial position.
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Two, that she has subsequently appeared
in no other similar productions and...
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Three, that she hereinafter has agreed
to terminate her relationship with His
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Royal Highness to spare the latter's
family further embarrassment.
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Sensational match. Clear the centre
spread. Front three and five. We'll get
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town on this one.
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Great work, Russell. I knew you could do
it.
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Is there anything else you want me to
carry?
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Well, yes.
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Yes, there is.
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I'm just about sick and tired of all
the... What?
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I'm telling you, Russell, it's him.
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Oh, hang on, hang on, just a second.
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What do you want? What's all this rumour
about Apollo video?
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I can't tell you.
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It's exclusive. Look, I'm sorry, I'll
see you later.
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What's going on? A bit of bird in there.
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What? Oh, yes, I have, yes.
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Inflagranti with a stunning alpine
temptress goes like a rocket.
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Are you going to come and finish this
before it gets cold?
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Russell, look, I can't talk anymore. The
place is swarming with reporters.
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Bring him back here at once, Greg. I
don't care what it takes.
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The crucible struck gold again, Harry.
This could be the biggest thing since
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Lazarus.
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of his master and a story with some
sordid sex appeal someone's secrets we
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grabbed famous bags that we have stabbed
now you want no
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