Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,650 --> 00:00:02,430
A pop original series.
2
00:00:06,490 --> 00:00:09,370
I thought I had a big family. Who are
all these people?
3
00:00:09,371 --> 00:00:13,789
Step -siblings, cousins -in -law, half
-nieces, quarter -nephews. I mean, the
4
00:00:13,790 --> 00:00:15,590
Ashford's reproduced like rabbits.
5
00:00:15,591 --> 00:00:19,499
Also divorce and remarry like rabbits.
Isn't there anyone we can cut from your
6
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:23,319
freakishly fertile family? I mean, I'm
up to my tits in racist uncles. You
7
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:27,579
find one family member to disown? Hey, I
already uninvited my aunt that got
8
00:00:27,580 --> 00:00:31,419
caught up in that weight loss rap
pyramid scheme. And if you count the
9
00:00:31,420 --> 00:00:34,120
that died using one of those raps,
that's too good.
10
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:37,919
Well, the venue's at capacity. We've
only got five spots left and we haven't
11
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,659
even started listing our friends. Lucky
for us, we barely have any. But we have
12
00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:45,889
acquaintances. A couple more hangs with
John and Grant, a few more dinners with
13
00:00:45,890 --> 00:00:48,389
Jake and Sandra, and we're on the hook
to invite them all.
14
00:00:48,390 --> 00:00:51,650
It's fine. We'll just be honest. We have
a very intimate guest list.
15
00:00:53,110 --> 00:00:54,930
You invited the UPS guy.
16
00:00:55,170 --> 00:00:56,220
He waved to me.
17
00:00:56,810 --> 00:00:59,890
Oh, I just remembered he has three kids.
And his partner.
18
00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:04,889
Oh, and I gotta invite the FedEx lady
now. That's it. We're instituting the
19
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:08,989
Drake rule. No new friends. From now
until the wedding, if you haven't made
20
00:01:08,990 --> 00:01:10,550
lift, we don't hang out with you.
21
00:01:10,551 --> 00:01:14,109
Sorry, what were you saying? I was
texting with Grant.
22
00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:17,989
Emily. What? He just sent me a Facebook
post of some girl he went to high school
23
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:19,040
with.
24
00:01:19,070 --> 00:01:21,290
She had her birthday at Applebee's.
25
00:01:21,570 --> 00:01:26,519
Stop. Shit -talking people is a slippery
slope to friendship. If you care about
26
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,830
the wedding, you'll cut them off. Okay,
I do care about the wedding.
27
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,570
Don't respond.
28
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,000
But he's so mean and funny.
29
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,080
No new friends.
30
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:00,880
I'm bored. Let's text someone.
31
00:02:01,340 --> 00:02:05,259
It's been half an hour. We're supposed
to go six months without hanging out
32
00:02:05,260 --> 00:02:06,940
anyone. What are we supposed to do?
33
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:08,840
You and me could hang out.
34
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,690
No offense, but that sounds kind of
boring.
35
00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:12,940
I'm extremely offended.
36
00:02:14,820 --> 00:02:18,280
Hold up. Grant and John are having a
party tonight.
37
00:02:18,580 --> 00:02:19,960
What does that matter to us?
38
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,660
Don't you see? A party is the perfect
place to not make friends.
39
00:02:23,661 --> 00:02:27,919
There's so many people, you can kind of
just blend in without making any real
40
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:32,119
connections. I mean, heck, some of the
loneliest times I've ever had have been
41
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:33,170
at crowded parties.
42
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:34,350
So sad.
43
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:36,780
You know what? Stay if you like, but I'm
going.
44
00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:41,059
What? No, if you're going, then I have
to. I need to temper your raw charisma
45
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,140
with my soured spirit.
46
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:48,940
I'm Stan Brooks, and this is my wife,
Kitty Brooks -Yan.
47
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,440
45 years of wedding planning between the
two of us.
48
00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:55,070
I planned her wedding to her ex
-husband.
49
00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:56,510
Terrible marriage.
50
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,610
Great wedding.
51
00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,560
So, what is your vision?
52
00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:05,420
Well, um, we were hoping to keep it kind
of small.
53
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,680
Yeah, less of a formal thing and more
like a party at a bar.
54
00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:19,280
I'm sorry, did we say something funny?
55
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:25,339
funniest goddamn thing i've ever heard
tell us have you run this party at a bar
56
00:03:25,340 --> 00:03:31,739
idea about your family uh no but it is
our wedding it's not your wedding
57
00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:37,199
it's their wedding you're just a couple
of glorified fucking cake toppers when
58
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:41,459
your grandma is shitting herself on her
deathbed do you want her one regret to
59
00:03:41,460 --> 00:03:46,999
be that she never got to see her
granddaughter in a wedding dress no all
60
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,940
then let's talk venue How many people
are on your guest list?
61
00:03:51,340 --> 00:03:52,390
Should be about 50.
62
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,090
50 people.
63
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,940
You only know 50 fucking people.
64
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:03,880
Friends, parents, aunts, uncles,
cousins, coworkers.
65
00:04:04,180 --> 00:04:08,340
All that amounts to only 50 fucking
people. Think!
66
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,040
We can add a few more.
67
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,010
I'll put you down for $2 .50.
68
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:15,909
Oh, book the banquet hall at the Hilton.
It's lovely in autumn. Oh, you will
69
00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:16,549
love it.
70
00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:21,229
Actually, we were thinking of something
a bit more rustic, like a barn or
71
00:04:21,230 --> 00:04:22,280
something.
72
00:04:25,030 --> 00:04:27,510
You sick son of a bitch.
73
00:04:27,511 --> 00:04:28,719
Excuse me?
74
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:32,959
Tell me, Liz, when you were a little
girl daydreaming of your big day, did
75
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:38,059
imagine your future mother -in -law
hoisting up your $5 ,000 dress so you
76
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:41,440
take a shit in the woods because the
port -a -potty backed up?
77
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:43,200
We'll do it at a hotel.
78
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:44,530
Wonderful choice.
79
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:46,640
Let's talk dinner.
80
00:04:47,580 --> 00:04:49,220
We were thinking buffet style.
81
00:04:49,770 --> 00:04:55,289
I'm going to punch him. I'm going to
punch him right in his fucking face. Let
82
00:04:55,290 --> 00:04:59,149
get this straight. You're going to have
family flying in from all over the
83
00:04:59,150 --> 00:05:04,509
world. Your parents, your mother, the
woman whose pussy you ruined when you
84
00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:08,670
clawed your way out with your dirty
little fingers.
85
00:05:08,950 --> 00:05:11,490
And you're going to make that faint.
86
00:05:12,140 --> 00:05:16,919
ladle her own soup. Sure, you want to be
a budget bride now, but the moment
87
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:20,899
you're walking down the aisle and you
see the beady little eyes of all your
88
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:25,419
friends and family just gobbling up
everything you do and spitting out their
89
00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:30,259
judgments. Do you really want your
wedding to be nice enough, but not as
90
00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:31,310
Cousin Julie?
91
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:33,460
Cousin Julie's running laps around you!
92
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,880
Okay, just, you know what?
93
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,140
Take her checkbooks.
94
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:40,300
Yeah. Thank you. I am extraordinary at
words and signatures.
95
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:41,690
He really is.
96
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:42,930
Ow!
97
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,060
Shit! Dying with my blood?
98
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:46,700
We prefer it this way.
99
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,090
What's this, babe?
100
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:55,690
Open it, Bryce.
101
00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:57,340
It's not my birthday.
102
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:58,610
Just open it.
103
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,910
Jesus Christ. Did my son get someone
pregnant?
104
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,820
Um, no, dumbass.
105
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,260
I'm pregnant.
106
00:06:10,261 --> 00:06:14,089
It's like you're old, so it's just like
a really great joke. Like, I'm like the
107
00:06:14,090 --> 00:06:17,100
young, cute mom, and you're like the
really, really old dad.
108
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,690
Whatever. Holy shit.
109
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:20,220
We're having a kid.
110
00:06:20,221 --> 00:06:21,589
Okay, no.
111
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:25,440
First off, I'm not recording, so I need
you to save that energy for the camera.
112
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:28,110
And second off, I just have like a
couple tweaks.
113
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:29,800
To your reaction?
114
00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:31,349
How do you want me to react?
115
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:36,549
Other dads, like, cry and shit. What am
I doing wrong that you're not crying? Do
116
00:06:36,550 --> 00:06:39,949
you not love me? Like, maybe do you want
me to lose a baby or something?
117
00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:41,000
What? Babe, no!
118
00:06:41,050 --> 00:06:46,089
Okay, because, like, last I checked, I
am carrying your child. The least you
119
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:50,309
could do is shed a few tears so I can
get featured in a Facebook video with
120
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:54,569
subtitles. Babe, I'm sorry, okay? It was
hard to be organic with the camera in
121
00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:56,210
my face, but I'm here now.
122
00:06:56,211 --> 00:06:57,759
We're having a baby.
123
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,290
Wait, this is actually really good
energy saving.
124
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:10,280
Did you buy multiples?
125
00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,960
Yeah, for multiple takes.
126
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:17,040
Oh, I'm sorry. Did you think that Mila
Kunis and Natalie Portman just, like,
127
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:19,380
nailed Black Swan in one take?
128
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,740
Uh, no. It takes practice to be that hot
of lesbians.
129
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,320
Yeah, okay. I guess we could do it
again.
130
00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:28,990
What's this, babe?
131
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:30,640
Open it, Gracie.
132
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:32,940
It's not my birthday.
133
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:34,290
Just open it.
134
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:41,520
Oh, my God. I'm going to be a dad.
135
00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:45,760
Number one grandpa.
136
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,980
That's really, really funny because I'm
old.
137
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,340
The joke is that I'm old.
138
00:07:55,311 --> 00:08:01,099
I don't know what to think about.
You're, like, old and you're going to
139
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:02,150
soon.
140
00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:06,150
Okay, cut!
141
00:08:06,260 --> 00:08:10,759
Babe, I'm sorry, okay? I'm trying my
best here. Can't we just celebrate and
142
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:15,779
happy? Yeah, like, we can. And we can
also not be featured in BuzzFeed's
143
00:08:15,780 --> 00:08:17,580
proposals and promposals of 2020.
144
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,280
What's a promposal?
145
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:24,300
Jesus Christ, you are so old. You know
what? We are finito here.
146
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,800
Babe, come on. We're having a child
together.
147
00:08:28,970 --> 00:08:30,590
Like, maybe we are.
148
00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:35,308
I don't know who the father is. You
know, like, we're not official. You
149
00:08:35,309 --> 00:08:36,809
asked me to be your girlfriend.
150
00:08:36,810 --> 00:08:37,908
I'm an adult.
151
00:08:37,909 --> 00:08:38,959
I don't do that.
152
00:08:39,049 --> 00:08:40,099
Oh.
153
00:08:40,390 --> 00:08:41,950
What? Are you serious?
154
00:08:43,210 --> 00:08:44,470
Are you cheating on me?
155
00:08:46,050 --> 00:08:50,450
No, I just said that to manipulate you.
You said... Action!
156
00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:53,370
I'm so happy.
157
00:08:54,890 --> 00:08:58,150
For the record, I still think this was a
bad idea.
158
00:08:58,490 --> 00:09:02,409
It'll be fine. With the right amount of
booze, keeping people at a distance
159
00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:03,460
comes naturally.
160
00:09:03,461 --> 00:09:06,889
Well, let's keep our interaction with
John and Grant to a minimum, okay? I
161
00:09:06,890 --> 00:09:11,130
need a toxic cocktail of their charisma
and... a cocktail.
162
00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,790
Hey! New friend!
163
00:09:15,530 --> 00:09:18,030
Yes. How are you, my acquaintances?
164
00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:21,690
Coworkers, really, in the office of
life.
165
00:09:22,070 --> 00:09:23,120
Smooth, Em.
166
00:09:23,410 --> 00:09:25,690
Well, come on in. Everybody's here.
167
00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:29,240
This is intimate.
168
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,060
There's like nine people here.
169
00:09:40,340 --> 00:09:44,340
That's not my fault. He said it was a
party. This is a soiree at best.
170
00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:46,360
There's even finger food. It's fine.
171
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,200
We can be social and not make friends.
172
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:51,340
So we'll just be total dicks then?
173
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:56,010
Sorry, you've got a little something in
your teeth right there?
174
00:09:56,270 --> 00:09:58,610
Oh, no. It's just a weird gap.
175
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:01,630
Nice dress. Is that Target or Walmart?
176
00:10:02,030 --> 00:10:03,330
No, no. Let me guess.
177
00:10:04,230 --> 00:10:05,470
Kmart clearance rack.
178
00:10:05,710 --> 00:10:09,650
Wait. I've got it. Party City off
-season Halloween costume.
179
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,629
Do you have any gum, by the way?
180
00:10:11,630 --> 00:10:12,669
For you.
181
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:15,010
Hold up. I've seen that outfit before.
182
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:20,109
Yep. Mm -hmm. That's the same suit and
tie combo that Mickey Mouse wears, you
183
00:10:20,110 --> 00:10:22,280
know, when he does, like, parades and
shit.
184
00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:24,250
You look like a fancy rat.
185
00:10:24,570 --> 00:10:26,560
Wow. A white rug.
186
00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:29,540
Tacky and impractical.
187
00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:31,590
Boop.
188
00:10:32,420 --> 00:10:36,320
Hmm. I don't know. You seem really nice.
189
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:38,600
No outward flaws.
190
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,120
Just... Fuck you, I guess?
191
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:43,640
Yeah! Go fuck yourself!
192
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:50,339
Jeez. Usually being unlikable comes so
easy to me, but tonight it feels so
193
00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:52,320
forced. Well, we excelled nonetheless.
194
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:53,700
Everyone hates us.
195
00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:55,140
This is a bust.
196
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:57,760
Let's Irish goodbye our way out of this
mess.
197
00:10:57,761 --> 00:11:01,169
Babe, I can't do another pregnancy
announcement.
198
00:11:01,170 --> 00:11:02,220
You've drained me.
199
00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:06,750
Oh, my God, Bryce. I emotionally
manipulated you like two hours ago.
200
00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:11,590
Get over it. This is the pregnancy photo
shoot.
201
00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:15,070
But you're not showing yet.
202
00:11:15,970 --> 00:11:18,210
Um, yes, that's the point.
203
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:22,450
Do you think I want a bunch of, like,
pictures of me when I'm, like, five?
204
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:25,660
and, like, disgusting and, like,
retaining water.
205
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:29,980
No. I need to establish right now that
I'm going to be one of those, like,
206
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,360
uncomfortably hot moms.
207
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:34,079
Jesus, Bridge.
208
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:38,160
Oh, my God. I'm sorry, Bryce. Could you,
like, stop being so extra?
209
00:11:38,380 --> 00:11:41,680
Now, would you just shut up, get over
here, and grab my tits?
210
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:50,919
Now, just, like, look natural. You know,
like a natural guy who's just kind of,
211
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,200
like, holding some tits.
212
00:11:52,201 --> 00:11:58,609
Okay, and after that, maybe we talk
about the fact that we're about to have
213
00:11:58,610 --> 00:11:59,710
kid? Maybe?
214
00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:03,670
Yeah, maybe. Like, we could totally do
that, except for kiss my stomach.
215
00:12:03,970 --> 00:12:05,020
Seriously?
216
00:12:07,990 --> 00:12:12,389
You call that a kiss? What is this, a
fucking Jane Austen movie? Kiss me like
217
00:12:12,390 --> 00:12:13,440
you mean it.
218
00:12:16,330 --> 00:12:17,380
You dumb.
219
00:12:18,410 --> 00:12:21,929
I'm just worried that we don't have room
here. I mean, my smart home is
220
00:12:21,930 --> 00:12:25,229
optimized for two inhabitants. Okay,
fine. If you really want to hash out the
221
00:12:25,230 --> 00:12:28,909
logistics of what we're going to do with
the baby, I don't know, it'll sleep on
222
00:12:28,910 --> 00:12:29,709
the couch.
223
00:12:29,710 --> 00:12:32,720
Baby can't sleep on the couch, Bridget.
It'll break its neck.
224
00:12:32,890 --> 00:12:37,750
Oh my god, you are like so obsessed with
this baby and you haven't even met it.
225
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:38,990
It's like embarrassing.
226
00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:42,800
Seriously, it's like fucking pathetic.
Could you be any thirstier?
227
00:12:43,450 --> 00:12:45,810
Now grab that watering can and water me.
228
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,939
Jesus, Bridget, you haven't thought
about this at all. Yes, I have. I am a
229
00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:02,759
garden, and you're watering me to make
the baby grow? I'm not talking about the
230
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,410
photo shoot, Bridget. I'm talking about
motherhood.
231
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,600
That's a lot of responsibility.
232
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,240
Your life is going to change.
233
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,740
You should think about that.
234
00:13:15,940 --> 00:13:16,990
Oh, my God.
235
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,440
No, you're leaving, but we didn't get to
see you.
236
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:26,330
Have stuff in the morning.
237
00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:28,410
Come on. One more drink.
238
00:13:29,130 --> 00:13:32,210
No, thank you. We really should get
going.
239
00:13:32,810 --> 00:13:34,810
But you're pouring yourself one now.
240
00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:39,349
Huh? Oh, look at that. Guess I heard the
word drink and just went into
241
00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:40,630
autopilot. Okay.
242
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:42,750
One more drink. One drink.
243
00:13:43,270 --> 00:13:44,320
One drink.
244
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,120
Remember Drake's law, okay?
245
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:57,359
No new friends. No matter how great John
and Grant are, we don't have room for
246
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:58,119
them at our wedding.
247
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:03,280
Are you drunk?
248
00:14:03,281 --> 00:14:05,339
We said we were going to have one more
drink.
249
00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:06,390
I'm nervous.
250
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:09,570
Oh shit, they're coming. Keep it
together. Keep it together.
251
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,300
Hey, um, you guys okay?
252
00:14:12,301 --> 00:14:16,539
Some of our friends said you were being
rude, but we figured there had to be an
253
00:14:16,540 --> 00:14:17,590
explanation.
254
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,320
Um, yeah, we're fine, Grant.
255
00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:22,839
What's it to you?
256
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,010
If something's going on, you can talk to
us.
257
00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:27,320
We don't want to talk.
258
00:14:28,580 --> 00:14:29,630
I know.
259
00:14:29,980 --> 00:14:33,650
I was raised in a household where we
were taught to bottle up our emotions.
260
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:35,030
Ring a bell?
261
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:37,410
No.
262
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,090
Take your time.
263
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,250
We'll wait.
264
00:14:54,960 --> 00:15:00,179
really small and so we can't invite you
or any of these people i don't want you
265
00:15:00,180 --> 00:15:07,119
all to hate us well it's too late for
that shit talking people is a
266
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:12,819
slippery slope to friendship hey
everyone sorry i was rude earlier but
267
00:15:12,820 --> 00:15:16,439
ex -girlfriend just posted some weirdly
erotic pregnancy photos and i thought we
268
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:17,940
could shit talk them together
269
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:36,330
Oh my god.
270
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,340
This is so boring.
271
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:53,910
Crazy!
272
00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,410
Hey.
273
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,490
Hey.
274
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,420
So I'm, like, super sorry about earlier.
275
00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:15,179
I, like, took myself aside and had,
like, a little self -reflection moment,
276
00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:17,080
you were totally right.
277
00:16:17,980 --> 00:16:21,680
I was, like, going about this the total
wrong way.
278
00:16:22,220 --> 00:16:26,179
When I first found out I was pregnant,
like, the first thing I thought about
279
00:16:26,180 --> 00:16:30,319
was, like, the pregnancy announcement
and, like, how much attention it was
280
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:31,370
to give me.
281
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,420
But then I realized...
282
00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:37,220
I'm gonna be a mom.
283
00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:44,950
And I can get way more attention doing
that.
284
00:16:45,650 --> 00:16:52,529
Huh? No, no. There are so many boring
-ass moms getting triple -digit likes on
285
00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:57,269
their baby pics, and I'm sorry, some of
their babies are legit ugly. Can you
286
00:16:57,270 --> 00:17:02,250
imagine how cute my baby's going to be
considering how cute I am?
287
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:09,459
I'm going to take it to pumpkin patches
and rack up the retweets. And then when
288
00:17:09,460 --> 00:17:14,598
it gets older, I can relive my high
school glory through it. And then when
289
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:18,519
gets even older, I'll be like one of
those hot moms that like flirts with her
290
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:24,179
daughter's college friends. None of this
is okay with me. All of my life has
291
00:17:24,180 --> 00:17:25,260
been building to this.
292
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:31,200
Once I'm a mom, I will finally have.
293
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,930
All the attention I've ever craved.
294
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:39,940
Oh, and Dick?
295
00:17:40,290 --> 00:17:42,760
It's from when she went through a life
coach fade.
296
00:17:46,490 --> 00:17:49,090
Oh, damn. It's 3 a .m. We better get
going.
297
00:17:49,730 --> 00:17:50,780
Aww.
298
00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:52,880
Guys.
299
00:17:53,670 --> 00:17:56,170
Well, thanks for coming, guys. This was
fun.
300
00:17:56,730 --> 00:18:00,280
Minus when you were dicks to our friends
and spilled wine on our carpet.
301
00:18:00,281 --> 00:18:04,059
I still want to kill you for that. And
hey, don't worry about the wedding
302
00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:05,110
We get it.
303
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,700
You're just so kind.
304
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,450
Yeah.
305
00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:12,600
Such good... friend.
306
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,380
Fuck the Drake rule, Em. Let's go for
it.
307
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,440
Do you want to come to our wedding?
308
00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:25,140
Holy shit, did you just... Ah, fuck it.
Do you want to be our best man?
309
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:32,540
Can I be Emily's best man? No, I want to
be Emily's. I just called it.
310
00:18:32,900 --> 00:18:34,300
You both can be.
311
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:35,650
Yay!
312
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,840
So insulting.
313
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,910
Well, guess we'll have to spring for a
bigger venue.
314
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,100
We're so fucked.
315
00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:46,700
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
25592
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof