Original subtitles

A pop original series.

You're not gonna believe this.

You go first.

No, you.

Okay.

I... Sorry, I thought you'd say no you and then I'd get to go. I was just being

polite. I'd actually like to go first.

I got a promotion.

Oh!

Today, my boss takes me aside and he goes...

Murph, you've been doing a hell of a job. You've shown a lot of hustle out

there. Is your boss Coach Taylor from Friday Night Late? No, he's actually got

thick Irish accent, but I can't do one. Anyway, I got a raise and my own office.

So the next time you come by, you tell the front desk that you're looking for

the senior salesperson of pool supplies and filtration systems.

Wow.

Is that a Snapchat filter?

Yeah, I edited out the dog ears, but I kept the nose because I thought it

cute. You look like an anime character.

Come on, aren't you excited for me?

Yes, I am. I'm very happy for you. I'm sorry. Congratulations!

And now that we both make five figures, I did the math, and technically, we're

working class now.

This might just be a fancy bottle of bubbly, but popping this cork is the

breaking on the birth of Murph.

Okay, this is going to take a while. You go. Oh, yeah.

I got fired.

You got fired again?

This time it wasn't my fault. I got replaced by a robot.

I mean, can you believe they found a robot that can do my job?

I thought you did data entry. Yeah.

So they found some freaking gearbox that can do what I do, but with fewer errors

and much less guff.

So they got a scanner.

Your office got a scanner.

I didn't catch his name, but sure, let's call him Scanner.

Oh, my God.

You know what? I guess I deserve this.

A Roomba?

We're part of this problem.

Hey, my mom got that for us for Christmas. Taking jobs from honest,

people and giving them to...

Digital assistant?

We never had a regular assistant.

You know, I'm starting to think that I prefer my employees without batteries.

Toothbrusher isn't even a job. Sure, that's what you say now.

But once some circuit cruncher comes for your job, you're going to be banging to

brush teeth for a little extra scratch. Emily, you get fired, like, all the

time. I rarely get promoted. Can we please?

Live it up for just this once.

Yeah. Yes. Oh, I'm sorry. That's a really good point.

You know, I was planning on drowning my sorrows in a bunch of booze, but there's

no reason that booze couldn't be celebratory bubbly. Yes!

Let's pregame. Bust out the good cups. We're getting fancy tonight.

Okay.

Oh!

There it is.

Jesus, Bridge, I can see every ingrown hair.

Oh, now I have your attention. Now that sex is on the table, you're a sex

maniac. I'm sorry. I've got a company of people depending on me for their jobs.

And more importantly, I've got a board of shareholders depending on me to

outsource those jobs for cheap. But, Bracey, I'm bored.

I already watched all my friends' Insta stories. I literally reached the end of

my Instagram feed.

Maybe you should get a job.

Actually, though, that's a really good idea, Bray. Yeah, my partner's looking

for a personal assistant.

I could write your recommendation.

Oh, um, no thank you.

Why not?

I mean, you gotta start somewhere.

Yeah, but I figured, like, I would start with, like, being Beyonce's best

friend. That's not a real job.

What about cocktail enthusiasts?

You could do that. You wouldn't get paid.

Free spirit.

What? My frenemy, Kayla, is a free spirit, and she has, like, So many

sponsors.

Who would ever buy anything from her sore, ridden, herpy mouth?

What about, like, a personal trainer?

Sure, yeah. I bet if you worked at it, you can get some clients.

Clients? To train.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I meant, like, a personal trainer.

So, like, I, like, train myself, and I get into, like, super hot shape, like,

personally.

Where do you think money comes from?

I don't know. Credit cards, download gold from the bank.

Okay, what if I was, like, former Miss Illinois?

Also not a job? Um, yes it is. A girl on The Bachelor was that, and she got the

helicopter date.

She would have wanted to if she didn't have a secret boyfriend.

Speaking of jobs from The Bachelor, okay, what about dog lover?

You hate dogs.

Yeah? Because no one's paying me not to. Bridget, I don't think you're looking

for a job for the right reasons. Look, Gracie, I have, like, so many talents

that other people deserve a chance to compliment.

I just wish there was a job where I could, like, tell people what to do and

would, like, look up to me and I, like, didn't need any experience.

Wait.

What?

For 50 cents extra, we have...

Soy milk, almond milk, oat milk,

hemp milk.

Mom! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you just look so responsible.

Oh, my little man is a Bezos in the making. You know, minus all the

anti -labor policies.

Did he give you the Wi -Fi? Kyle, you didn't give him the Wi -Fi. It's rise

grind, one word, the S is the dollar sign.

Mom. You made me get this job so that I would learn some responsibility.

Do you want me to save up for my own Fortnite floss dance loot tank

or not? You're right.

Big work, man.

You're absolutely right. And I'm going to skadoodle after I restock the nut

mill. Mom. I'm just trying to help. Stop.

Okay. My manager might see you and she's really, she's really cool.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. What?

I know that look.

You don't know anything. Oh, my God.

My little man has a crush.

Please stop.

Oh, it's his first office romance.

No, it's not.

What's up, dweeb?

Is this your mom? No, it's not my mom. It's just some crazy woman who came in

here and just started stealing stuff.

Get away from the nut mill! Hi, I'm Loretta Kyle's mom. I like your t

You know, we do eat meat, of course, but it's only because the doctors say that

Kyle has low testosterone.

He always has. His testicles didn't descend until he was eight months old.

Mom, why are you doing this?

Cool. So how's the dip jar looking?

Saving up for a root canal.

Oh, honey, what about insurance?

Mom, we don't have insurance. We make, like, freaking eight bucks an hour.

Oh, my God. I mean, that's less than minimum wage. Yeah, that's why we have

tip jar.

It's got to be like 20 bucks in here, and three of those are mine.

Okay, nuh -uh. This ain't right. Mm -mm. I don't like this. You got my blood

boiling. Oh, where is my hot flash fan? I'm getting riled up.

You know, when I was a teacher, we would have taken to the streets for this.

Yeah. You're in a female -dominated profession, young lady. You got to fight

what you want.

Holy balls, you're right.

Yeah. I run this place and I get jack shit.

All right, ladies. Laura, Hope, we're going on strike.

Oh, my God. This is so exciting. I'll make a Michael's run for glitter and

for it.

Screw you. We won't brew.

Screw you. We won't brew.

Mom, stop fighting for workers' rights. You're embarrassing me.

Stop.

Look at that.

A walk signal where once there was a crossing guard. There used to be a

dangerous intersection with a lot of fatalities. Whatever. I'm taking you to

this place called Duke. It's a total relic.

There's always a trio of jazz grandpas just putting on a masterclass.

Welcome to Duke, the Garden District's hottest new headphone club.

So how it works is you open the Juke app and choose a song and everyone listens

to it separately on their own headphones.

So we can either listen to music without talking to each other or we can have a

conversation in complete silence.

This is absolutely stupid.

This place is great. In fact, it's the perfect spot to expand my empire.

I don't know what's so great about an app that puts honest, hardworking DJs

of business. Didn't that DJ put a jazz trio out of business?

Good point. We need to go further back. We need to find some place playing

classical music or a shack with some guy just going to town on a washboard.

Shit. I'm sorry. I forgot. Today is about celebrating you and celebrate you.

will. How about I dedicate a song to you? What do you want to hear more than

anything else in the world?

Smooth by Santana featuring Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20.

Look, I just got promoted, okay? I don't need to pretend like I'm cool or smart.

For once, I'm proud of who I am. In fact, my favorite song is Smooth by

Santana featuring Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20.

Nobody can hear that, but it still felt good.

They don't have it. What about Air Force Ones by Nelly?

They have a hot in here.

I prefer Nelly's deep cuts. What about that Ashley Simpson song that goes, you

make me wanna do -do -do -do -do -do -do? I don't know how to search for

What about Lance Bass?

They don't have any.

They don't have any NSYNC.

I was referring to his solo work. I mean, sure, most of your musical taste

insane and eclectic in the worst way.

Excuse you.

But no bye -bye -bye, no tearing up my heart. I mean, this would never happen

with a real DJ.

Right, no one can hear me.

I'm going to go complain to the hostess.

The big wigs at the morning roast have oppressed you for long enough.

It's time to free yourself of the shackles of late -stage capitalism.

The resistance starts now.

Screw you. We won't grow.

Oh, my God. I'm going to blind myself with the milk steamer.

Hi, hon. How's it going?

Mom, your freaking boobs are bouncing everywhere.

Okay, Kyle, I know you got low T, but you gotta bring the energy up, okay?

Why aren't you out there supporting your fellow workers?

Because I don't give a crap about my fellow workers.

And also, you're not my fellow worker. You're just some crazy old lady that's

taking a crap in my tip jar.

Okay, Kyle, I asked you to get this job so you could learn a little

responsibility. I got this job so I could buy a Fortnite floss dance loot

I don't care about responsibility.

Greta, our message is spreading. Oh.

Your tits are trending.

Oh, that's wonderful.

That's it. My life is over. Whatever, Gab.

What?

Mom, freaking yell at her.

I'm sorry, honey, but you are being a filthy scab. You don't work here.

Okay, hon, hon, bring it in, bring it in.

Ew, Mom.

Look, I know you're having a hard time with this, but there's an important

lesson here.

Sometimes you need to do the uncomfortable thing to be treated

Maybe if you went on strike, you could get a raise and you could afford your

four -box thing even sooner.

Still nothing?

Oh, for Christ's sake, Kyle, join the picket line and I'll get you one for

Christmas. Screw you!

We won't vote!

Screw you!

We won't vote!

This place is, like, so weird.

I hate protesters.

Hey, I'm Troy. You must be Bridget the Life Coach.

I saw Bryce Parker, the founder of Edithall, tweeted about how you gave him

idea for his company, and I knew I had to meet you.

Mm -hmm. Yeah, Bryce totally did that.

So, let's get started.

What's your story?

Huh. Well, that's an interesting question. I guess it all... Hold on,

that a Lisa Frank notebook?

I'm sorry. Is this, like, not a normal notebook?

I haven't done work since I was 12.

Okay, well, the reason I reached out to you is that I feel like I've been kind

of treading water lately.

I was working IT, but then I went back to school to learn programming. I got an

entry -level job, but it just seems like a lot of the younger guys are passing

me by.

So quit.

Just like that? Text your boss and say, boy, bye.

I don't know if I want to burn all my bridges.

If you don't burn your bridges...

How can you be sure you won't go backwards?

I read that on a pillow one time.

You're right.

Fuck this job.

Fuck letting it hold me back.

I'll quit right now.

Congratulations.

I'm sorry, what are you checking off there? All right, next up. What's your

real...

Well, I wrote my thesis on this renewable form of green energy. Okay,

I'm just going to stop you because that sounds really fucking stupid.

Let's pivot. We should probably talk about your appearance because I'm

shocked it's not the first thing that came up.

I'm going to assume, based off of your clothing, that you're poor, so hair

implants isn't an option.

Oh, my God. Ew, I touched the ball stop. Oh, my God.

It was, like, a little wet.

Oh, my God.

One second.

I'm sorry. Do you have like a hat you could put on or something?

No, I don't have a hat with me. Okay.

I'm going to need you to like shave it all off.

Like if you're bald and you don't look like you're in a Fast and Furious movie,

what are you even doing?

Okay.

Yeah, you're right. I'll bick it. Except actually, though, do you really have

the jawline or the self -confidence to pull off that look?

I don't know. I'm actually pretty self -confident. Really?

You shouldn't be.

Oh.

Yeah, maybe not.

Ooh, okay. I have an idea.

I'm thinking neck tattoo.

Like a SoundCloud rapper?

No, that's like a face tattoo.

A neck tattoo is, like, way more professional. You will look like you run

the cloud.

Okay, if you think it'll help.

I do.

Go.

Do you.

Right now?

Yes. Go.

Live your truth.

Dance like everyone's watching.

Get a neck tattoo.

Okay.

Thank you.

Also, Venmo means $600. Thank you, no thank you.

Excuse me, ma 'am. Your app is missing

very popular songs.

One set of DJ with a carefully curated collection or a group of hardworking

musicians would never have missed.

What song are you looking for? Our master scanner checks every major

service for the most popular songs.

Scanner?

Did you say... Scanner?

That's it, then.

Huh? That's the rust bucket scab that stole my job!

Security!

I'm surprised you don't have RoboGuard.

I really respect what you're doing, man. It feels good to be thrown out by,

like, an actual human.

You know?

Don't let them take the job.

What the

heck,

Bridge? Aren't you gonna ask me how my night went? I already know how your

went. You stole my phone and tweeted out an endorsement of your services.

I've been getting hate tweets from your angry clients all night.

One guy says you told him to quit his job and get a neck tattoo.

Oh, yeah, that was Troy. He was sad, but I kind of liked him.

Yeah, being a life coach was, like, really hard.

It's like, it was fun when I was, like, telling people what to do, but people

who need help are gross.

I just, like, don't get it, right?

I, like... worked my ass off for an entire night and nothing.

Success takes time, Bridget. I came up with the idea for Edisol in my parents'

basement. I mean, sure, it was the basement of their second summer home in

Nantucket, but it was a basement nonetheless.

I just wish there was something where I could get, like, Beyonce -level

attention without all, like, the effort or, like, the getting cheated on.

I mean, sure, I can't dance or sing or write or act.

But I could, like, get pregnant.

Twist upon a twist?

We had a live band. I couldn't take out the whole system with one drink. What

was that? Nothing. That place was just stupid. And you forgot these.

Hey!

Look at me. The senior salesperson of pool supplies and filtration systems on

the ground like some kind of...

Junior salesperson of pool supply infiltration system.

Why'd you have to go and ruin my night? I'm sorry.

If I'm being honest, I think I'm jealous.

When I lost my job to a robot... You mean a scanner. The thing that bothered

the most was that I didn't even care.

I have no direction.

God, here you are just building this amazing foundation for an incredible

career.

I'm just treading water.

Hey, it's okay.

Come on, stop. It's okay.

Okay, seriously, stop. You're getting snot everywhere.

It just... How am I going to compete with all the hot, driven,

pool -supplies saleswomen that you work with?

Emily, that's ridiculous.

Pool -supplies is a total boys' club.

Besides, you're super smart.

Once you figure out what you're supposed to do, you're going to run circles

around me.

Thank you, but that's not going to happen.

I'm aggressively lazy.

Well, I'm sorry I ruined your night.

It's okay.

Maybe it's time I made peace with technology, right?

Okay.

Phone.

Play bye -bye -bye.

I didn't catch that.

Okay, never mind. Fuck that. Okay, you got to stop throwing out expensive

gadgets. You don't have a job.