Original subtitles

Good time, anytime you need a payment. Good time, anytime you need a free.

Good time, anytime you're out for Monday.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled.

Keeping your head up for water.

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good time.

The horse with boughs of holly, fa -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la. Keith looks

better than Muhammad Ali, fa -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la. To me, he looks

like a mangy collie, fa -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la.

Instead of turkey, eat tamale, cha -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la.

Sing it, Molly.

Oh, my, this is going to be the best Christmas Eve party ever. It's going to

my very first Christmas with Keith.

Amen to that.

is here, the mistletoe answer.

JJ, I saw some of the girls you kissed under the mistletoe last year.

You'll get better action if you hold a can of Alpo over your head.

You got something over your reindeer face.

Who's talking?

The only Santa who looks like the North Pole.

You got something over your ski head, shrubber, oomph face.

worst enemy is called a truth.

What's a truth?

Well, that's a brief moment of peace when everybody stands around reloading.

JJ, how come you home so early from the department store?

Well, Ma, the boss said something to me that made me stomp off and rip off my

beard.

What did he say?

You fired.

Again?

JJ, what did you do?

It's what I didn't do, Ma. I got fired for lack of lap.

The kids kept falling out of it.

That's too bad.

I wasn't all that bad, Ma. For a little while, I had sitting on my lap none

other than Boom Boom Belinda.

She told you what she wanted for Christmas, right?

No, I told her what I...

Way up to here.

I call it my welfare dress.

Welfare dress? Mm -hmm. No visible means of support.

Oh.

Well, don't I bought a new dress, too. I just hope Keith likes it. Oh, I'm sure

he's gonna like it, honey.

Damn.

How would you feel if your boss made you work on Christmas Eve?

Oh, you won't be able to come to the party? No.

Well, look, Keith, if you can't come to the party on Christmas Eve, we'll just

save it and have our party Christmas Day. That's right.

And look, I asked Clements about getting off Christmas, but old Halibut Face

just walked away from me. You know, Christmas is our busier season.

Oh, boy. Doesn't that Scrooge ever think of anything besides business?

Well, you all decide.

Now, Clements' sister had to be rushed to the hospital to deliver her baby,

right? So Clements drove her there himself.

That was nice.

He charged her full fare.

Kept the meter running all during labor.

Oh, that's cold.

I bet he tells little kids that Rudolph the Red -Nosed Reindeer is an alcoholic.

J .J., Clements doesn't have any kids. He doesn't even have a wife. He's

Then what makes him so mean?

Maybe he's lonely.

I wouldn't doubt it. You know, no one down there can stand him. You know, he

once had a homing pigeon, and that left home.

Well, there's no need in depressing everyone with my problems.

Hey, Penny, you know, I saw the cutest little toy the other day. A little

saucer came down. This little man came out and went... Hi, I'm Merkle from the

planet Hercule.

We have been monitoring your broadcast.

We observe weird creatures acting strange.

Take us to your leader, Chuck Barris.

Well, you can't win them all.

I gotta get shaved and get back to work.

Santa Claus, what did you get me this year?

I'm getting you a ghetto ant farm.

A ghetto ant farm?

Yep. Even the worker ants are unemployed.

Hi, Penny. Hi.

Hi, guys. Don't mind me. Don't worry, honey. We won't.

Bookman, what are you doing?

Oh, Miss Evans, I was just checking your Christmas tree lights.

You know, I know you're having a big party, and I wouldn't want the lights to

out while you're having fun.

Bookman, there is no need to monkey with the lights. They're doing just fine.

Well, okay, if you want me, just call on me.

Since Violet's going to be away, I guess I'll be home.

I mean, if I get lonely, I could always go down to the pet shop and talk to the

parrot in the window.

Good idea, honey.

Or maybe I'll stay in.

Look at my shoes in the closet.

Maybe I'll even up the laces.

Or maybe I'll just put some new holes in my tool belt.

Come to our party. Thank you. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Well, back to the salt mines.

Hey, honey, I'm not the only one. Lots of people work Christmas.

Cops, nurses, waitresses, doctors.

I'll be thinking of you the whole time.

Keith, I got an idea.

Since you can't come to our Christmas party, why don't we take the party down

the garage?

I'm sure the drivers will love it. Yeah, I'm sure they would.

I don't think the boss would go for it. He just doesn't know how to have a good

time. Maybe no one's ever told him how to have a good time.

Walona.

What do you mean?

Flo, we are going down to the taxi barn and spread some Christmas cheer. You

lead the boss to Walona.

Okay? And how do you expect to do that?

I'm going to say, Mr. Clemens, we are going to have a party here tonight, and

that is all there is to that.

Walona. How?

Are you going to convince him? Not me.

My dress is gonna do all the talking.

Kindness of my heart.

I'm allowing the Evans family to throw a little yule party here for y 'all. All

right.

Before we get started, I'd like to lay a few ground rules.

When you hear your cab number, I want you to get your butt out there on that

road immediately.

All right?

And anybody out there that's not enjoying the party, They're going to

answer to me later on out behind the barn. All right.

What happened to the figure -out -butt Clemens? Giving us a party?

I bet you that good -looking girl will own a sweet -talker into it.

You don't know sweet -talking, Dean, with sweet -talking me.

Oh, now, come on and give us a smile, pooky face. Come on.

Spooky face?

One crack out of you and you're going to hear another crack.

It's all right. That's all right. Don't worry about it. Welcome to the Windy

City Cab Company.

Y 'all know where y 'all at because y 'all here.

Anyway.

Boy.

How y 'all like this tuxedo?

It's all right. Yeah. I made this.

That's right. I walk in the store, man, turn his back, I just made away with it.

But I love being around cabs and cabettes and hackettes and everybody

got in here. You're going to see my first date was in a cab.

That's right.

Me and my lady went out, you know, and I told the cab driver to drive real slow

while we get cozy in the back.

The media was clicking, but I wasn't.

So the cabbie turned around and said, what's going on back there?

I said, nothing.

He said, well, then you drive and I'll get in the back.

All right, then.

And y 'all got to watch out and take it easy.

Especially when y 'all taking that money, y 'all got to take it easy

there's a lot of counterfeiters going on around here.

That's right. I know there's a brother counterfeiting $100 bills the other day.

Would have had it made.

Had to put your Franklin on and everything.

Only thing it was Aretha Franklin.

I don't know if y 'all know this.

I was in school the other day reminiscing.

And did y 'all ever notice this?

They never showed you a picture of a black caveman.

That's right. But they just recently found out that there were black cavemen

because they just dug up a three -million -year -old Cadillac.

ready for more comedy?

What more comedy? When did it start?

As soon as you put on that bow tie.

Ladies and gentlemen, now I'd like to introduce a young man that I have the

pleasure of spending the last 17 years with.

Listening to him sing in the shower.

And I tell you, that's a long time to wait to get into the bathroom.

for my brother, your friend, and our pal, Mr. Michael Evans.

Well,

I think it's time we turned the lights down.

We've had all the small talk that we can use.

Now we best be getting down to business.

You can start by kicking.

off your shoes.

Let me rock you to your top.

From your bottom to your top.

Let my loving snap pop.

Let me rock you, rock you to your top.

I know some guys are all talk and no action.

Well, let me show you I'm not one of those.

My loving where my mouth is And you're gonna feel it right down to

your toes Let me rock you to your top From your bottom to

your top And my love won't snap and pop Let me rock you, rock you to

your top And I don't think the love could be made any more better

I'm gonna pull out all the time, but I can't use your side.

Let me rock you, rock you to your side, rock, rock you, rock you to your side,

rock you, rock you to your side.

What's for me?

Boy, that man carries a whole bundle of talent.

Unfortunately, he didn't bring any with him tonight.

The next young man I'd like to introduce happens to be our building

superintendent supervisor.

Man, that's very heavy when it comes to weight.

That's right, man. Now, when he gets into the ocean, the water rises.

Let's welcome the fabulous, the one and only, Mr. Nat Bush.

was getting in fat until he couldn't get into things like he once could like his

house the next young man i'd like to introduce for y 'all fabulous

himself you all know who he is fine athlete a wonderful entertainer a fine

being somebody well known in the business

every star.

Hello, everybody. This is Jerry Lewis.

One of the really good singers right now, fabulous guy, the immortal Johnny

Mathis.

Look at me.

It's like a kitten up a tree.

And I feel like I'm clinging to a cloud.

begin to play or it may be the sound of your hello the music I

hear I get misty the moment you're near he's right you

can say that you're leading me on hey hey but it's

just what I want you to do go ahead take it away Tony don't you notice how

hopelessly I'm lost

That's why I'm following you on

my own.

Should I wander through this wonderland alone?

Never knowing my right foot from my left.

My hat from my glove.

I'm too misty and too much in love.

Y 'all have heard of the Pointer Sisters?

I know y 'all have. The Pointer Sisters, Bonnie, Anita, June, and Ruth.

Yes.

Well, the mighty, mighty Pointer Sisters out of Oakland, California.

Yes, the Pointer Sisters. We all know who they are.

Well, the Windy City Cab Company, tonight, right here in Chicago, is proud

announce that the Pointer Sisters will not be here.

to the Pointer Sisters.

Florida, Walona, Thelma and Penny, they call themselves the Mighty, Mighty

Pointless Sisters.

When

it's

snowing and it's blowing, it's that season of the year when you look to find

some comfort and a little Christmas cheer.

wrapped up in a sheet hoping someone shows some pity

Thanks to the good Lord above for giving us such a beautiful Christmas gift.

A loving family and warm friends.

May I ask all of my family to join us on the stage?

Come on. Come on, brother.

Come on.

Come on, Mr. Bookman. And now, if you will join us

in singing Silent Night.