Original subtitles

Good times, any time you need a payment. Good times, any time you need a friend.

Good times, any time you're out for Monday.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head up for water.

Making a way when you can.

No, it was that Mr.

Gardner got back from Detroit two days earlier. And, honey, when Mr. Gardner

walked into that house, like the commercial where the woman says, my man

wears English leather or nothing at all. Well, the dude that he caught her in

there with was not wearing English leather, baby.

You know where I'm coming from.

Alona, I told you I had this bus maintenance report to get out. You

concentrate with all this noise?

Noise. I don't hear any noise.

You, Wilona. I meant you.

Me noisy?

Look what you made me do.

Second gear squeaks, especially when that dude stands there wearing nothing

all.

If my dispatcher reads this, I'll have a lot of explaining to do. That ain't

nothing compared to explaining Mrs. Garner gonna have to do. I tell you, if

didn't hate gossip so much, I... What?

Look.

Oh, come here.

Come here, come here, come here. What is it?

You smell it?

Yeah.

It smells like hell.

Burning. Maybe somebody set fire to Howard Cosell. Oh.

Mom, what's that smell?

I don't know, Thelma. It's going all through the house.

Maybe the garbage men are on strike.

In this neighborhood.

How could you tell?

Smells like something out this world.

This is not a smell.

This is an aroma.

A waffing fragrance.

That's great.

Half a million brothers in Chicago. Some sing, some dance. This one's wafty.

That's a new cologne, isn't it, JJ?

Oh, yeah, Ma.

How'd you guess?

The houseplants are drying up.

Let me see that meth.

Tenderloin. They call this stuff tenderloin. You believe that?

Look here, Keith.

I'll have you know, many women get passionate at the smell of food.

Matter of fact, for another buck fifty, I could have got myself some clam

chowder.

Yeah, then you could have wore some oyster crackers under each arm.

Son, why don't you take some of your art class money and buy a decent bottle of

cologne? You know, the girls don't want to spend an evening with a man smelling

like a TV dinner.

I know, Ma, but I was desperate. Vanessa kind of caught me off guard this time.

Vanessa? V, Vanessa Blake is back in town.

Hold it, JJ.

Who is Vanessa Blake?

Well, let me put it to you this way, Ma.

If she hadn't had to go to New York to visit her relatives, she may have been

your new daughter -in -law.

That's serious.

Yeah, Vanessa's different than them other girls that I go out with, like

the human burner.

She's got real...

class. Matter of fact, M &M's won't even melt in her mouth.

Wow.

I wish I had been here to meet this girl.

Well, honey, Mr. Harrod doesn't ain't saying nothing compared to the heat wave

they was making last summer, honey.

So where you gonna take her tonight, JJ?

Well, now, last summer, we would have taken her to La Mission de la Concorde.

Wait a minute.

I know that place. It's expensive.

Mm -hmm. One of the fanciest in Chicago.

It's a revolving restaurant on top of a skyscraper.

Yeah, that place is so exclusive. You don't go to the john, it comes around to

you.

Yeah, that was in the old days when I was rolling in the big bucks.

Well, I certainly hope you told her that you lost your job since then.

Now, come on, y 'all worry too much.

But you are going to tell her, aren't you?

Of course I'm going to tell her, Thelma. Look, me and Vanessa don't keep

anything from each other. We're real tight.

That's how come she loved me.

Hey, don't worry about it, Ma. When you see Vanessa, you'll see that when they

created her, they broke the mold.

They didn't break the mold. They just took one look and dropped it.

That's not Vanessa. Come on.

Evening, folks.

We're up here to unstop the bathtub.

At 7 .30 in the evening?

Yeah, Bookman. Shouldn't you be at home learning how to clone leftovers?

laughing at your superior is going to cost you.

Now, I'm docking you 15 minutes' pay.

Hey, Bookman, who's your new assistant?

This is T .C., everybody.

Hey there, T .C.

Hi.

What did I tell you about fraternizing with the tenants?

Hey, now, she was just saying hello. What is your problem, Booker?

Booker?

downtown to ask for a raise. But did I get a raise?

No!

I got a kid on the federal Cedar program that can't tell a screwdriver from a

wrench.

Now that's an hour.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Give her a break. Oh, it's all right. He already docked me so much, I think I

owe him money.

And don't you ever forget it. Now let's get busy before I really get upset.

Hey, J .J., you wearing a new cologne or something?

Oh, yes, it is, Bookman. I think it smells fantastic.

Thank you, Bookman. Thank you very much.

See there, Ma?

J .J., that's Bookman.

A bath in mayonnaise would please him.

You just hang in there, okay, T .C.? Yeah, you know, he signs the time sheets

now. Okay.

All right.

All right.

is going to cost you a whole day.

Get on in here. Come on, get on.

That must be Vanessa.

Billy Dee.

Oh, yes.

JJ, darling.

Vanessa, my contessa.

We've been parted much too long.

Did you fly here on gossamer wings?

No, TWA.

But, J .J., you are on my mind so much, I saw your face on all the clouds.

Rain all the way, huh?

Over here is my brother -in -law, Keith.

And you remember my ugly sister over here, Frogface.

Well, we were just going to go bowling. Would you guys like to come?

Oh, no, thank you. The night air is just murder on my lip gloss.

Real class, real class.

I tell you, this woman, out Vogue's Vogue, out Harper's, Harper's Bazaar.

I'll see you later, Flo.

Nice seeing you again, Vanessa.

Ciao.

Hamburger to you, sweetie.

Vanessa, I'd like you to meet my mother, Vanessa Mumsy.

Hello, Vanessa.

I've heard so much about you. My, what a beautiful voice.

You know, people with full, deep voices just make me tingle all over.

Well, then, why don't we sit down on the couch?

Well, J .J.?

We've got so much to talk about. Now tell me, did you ever get that big

promotion you're up for?

Things have changed.

Oh, well, yes. Genius often goes unrewarded. You know, I was dating this

estate agent in New York, and he lost a big client.

And he had to cancel his order for a Maserati and settle for a Porsche.

Poor guy. Real tough break.

Excuse me, Vanessa, but would you like a cup of coffee or anything?

Oh, no, thank you, Mrs. Evans. I mean, I do like coffee, but hot liquids are

just murder on my lips, love.

She's charming.

Yes. Well, darling, tell me, what are we going to do tonight?

Well, I figured we'd play by ear since your lobes are so wobbly.

Oh, he's so considerate.

Well, in that case, darling, I was thinking maybe we might have dinner and

see a show. Any suggestions?

How about McDonald's and Hawaii Five -O?

McDonald's and Hawaii Five -O?

Oh, J .J., you're such a joker.

But... Seriously, darling, well, I was thinking maybe we would have din -din at

La Maison, and then we could see The Wiz, and then I know of a fabulous after

-hours roller disco.

Roller disco?

I don't even have a skate key.

Oh, J .J., do stop it.

Listen, Vanessa, about La Maison.

I think J .J. has something he wants to tell you. Right, J .J.? Uh,

yeah.

Uh, Vanessa, about La Maison.

Yes, J .J.? Well, uh, tonight's their, uh, busiest night, so,

uh... So?

Uh, yeah.

So we better get down there early if we want to get ourselves a good table.

What? Just go wait outside for me. I'll be out there in a moment.

J .J., have you lost your mind?

You can't afford lamis, huh?

The hot check girls, they even drive Rolls Royces.

Ma, give me credit for having some common sense. I mean, I got myself into

I can get myself out of this.

By myself, if you don't mind.

Thank you.

Ma, could you give me the name of the mildest dishwashing detergent to your

hands?

Try lip gloss.

Thank you.

Murphy Blue Cup.

You see, J .J., this place isn't so crowded after all.

Yeah, that must mean the food here is not that good. Let's go.

We just got here.

I mean, the least we can do is look at the menu.

Oh, yeah.

Well, what do you think?

Well, the jello looks nice.

Darling, you're looking at the dessert page.

Now, come on. Let's look at the dinners.

All right, all right.

You hear what the Surgeon General says about French cooking?

It's hazardous to your health. You're cooking your croutons stuck in your

crepes.

Don't be gauche.

Monsieur Evans.

Ah, Monsieur Evans, what a pleasure to see you again after all these many, many

months. You have been away on business, oui?

Oui, oui, oui.

François, oui, yes.

I'm glad you decided to come back to us at La Maison.

And I will be looking forward to serving you myself.

Yes, yes.

Not in my place.

Karl Mullen's bringing over my traveler's checks personally.

Would you care for a cocktail?

No.

I mean, do you have anything made from a lot of water?

Oui, monsieur. We call it ice.

Too funny, Frenchy. Too funny.

Francois, I'll have the filet mignon, and I'll start with the escarpement.

Ah, fine. The snails are very plump this year.

Yeah, you will be, too, before you ate all day with mud.

J .J., people are starting to stare.

Perhaps we should look out for more time to decide.

Yeah, good idea.

Sacre bleu. And vita blue to you, too.

J .J., do you know how embarrassing this is? Now, what's the matter with you?

Uh, Vanessa, my contessa, I, uh, I lost

my job.

You!

You see, Vanessa, they had to lay me off a couple of months ago.

I can't even afford this French restaurant. I can't even afford French

I'm sorry I even brought you here.

You could have at least told me.

I wanted to, but every time I looked in those big, lovely eyes, I just didn't

have the guts.

You got every right to be mad, but... Mad?

Oh, J .J., what kind of a woman do you think I am?

You mean you're not upset?

I thought you'd really be upset by this whole thing.

Oh, JJ, I'm a very understanding person.

But right now, I have to go and powder my nose.

And I will be right back.

Boy,

Evans, you have pulled another one out.

Boy, I don't know how they did Mission Impossible with... out you for all those

years.

Ma.

Malona, what y 'all doing here?

We just came to help you out of this.

Now, we gotta say that your sister is very sick and you have to come home in a

hurry. Now, we could tell her the truth, but you are sick in your head.

Now, take it easy, y 'all. Take it easy.

I talk with Vanessa, and everything's under control. She understands

Matter of fact, she'll be back in a minute.

Hey, everybody.

I want y 'all to meet Francois. Francois, this is my mother, and this is

Enchanté, madame.

Sassy bull.

Will you two be taking the young lady's place?

Young lady? What young lady? The young lady you brought here. Before she left,

she told me that you would be dining alone, monsieur.

She left?

She's gone?

Why, of course. I had her personally escorted to a taxi.

Now, will you be dining alone, or will the two ladies be joining you, monsieur?

Monsieur?

Monsieur Evans?

Monsieur?

Oh, Keith, I just don't know.

I've never seen J .J. so depressed.

Walks around all day with his head down. I saw him. He looks like a golf club.

He says he's swearing off women forever.

He even wants to have Valentine's Day abolished. He doesn't mean that. I said

the same thing myself before I met Thelma. Listen, I'll talk to him.

nothing to worry about. Thank you, Kate.

JJ.

Son, I know how hard it is to lose someone you really care about.

But you'll meet other girls as soon as you take off this outfit.

I feel like I'm talking to a guru.

As girl crazy as you are, how can you let one woman completely destroy you

this? It's not just Vanessa, Keith.

I mean, when I had a job, girls were coming through the window.

Now that I'm out of work, I can't even get a cat to rub up against my leg.

I tell you, the sultan's swoon is busted like a balloon.

AJ, that's not true.

It is so, Ma. In the old days, Cuba used to come and shoot his arrow through my

heart. Now when he comes in, he just blows me away with a .357 Magnum.

I tell you, I'm finished.

J .J., everybody strikes out once in a while. I can give you a thousand good

reasons why girls would be attracted to you. Yeah. Oh, yeah? Name one. One? I'll

give you three.

You're tall, you're dark, you're... And you've got a good sense of humor.

Right. I need some more words. Some words to describe you, J .J. I'm gonna

and check it out right now in the dictionary. Some words to describe J .J.

J .J.

You didn't mean any of that.

Nice try, Ma.

Hey, J .J., guess what?

I found a girl who is very interested in you.

Thelma, I told you before. I don't want to meet any girls. I don't want to see

any girls. I don't want to... Who is this girl?

T .C.? T .C.? Now, isn't this wonderful?

That's all I...

Add injury to insult.

Salt to the wound. Thelma, forget it.

Hi,

J .J.

How you doing?

T .C.

I heard about your little problem and, well, I...

I'd like to go out with you sometime, if you'd like to.

Hey, look here, TC.

I don't even have a job.

Go out there and get yourself one of those rich sugar daddies like everybody

else is.

JJ.

Oh, I'm sorry, TC.

Well, at least we gave it a try, huh?

Uh -huh. So there you are.

Goofing off.

Dodging work.

Out of uniform.

Boy, your paycheck's gonna look so bad this week, you'll get sympathy cards

the IRS.

You're lucky I don't fire you for this.

Good. Then you won't have to waste your breath.

The name is Teresa.

Buffalo butt.

You can just take your job and you can use this on it.

Okay, okay, okay, Teresa.

Look, you can't quit on me now.

I mean, I'll fall behind.

I mean, you blow my schedule.

And you may even have to do a little work.

Look, tell you what.

You know that silly little day I dropped from your pay?

Mm -hmm. It's yours.

Plus coffee breaks? Yeah, yeah, coffee breaks. It's a deal.

But one thing.

I don't share my six -pack of donuts with nobody.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Evans.

No, no, T .C. There's no need to be sorry.

It took a whole lot of heart to stand up to Bookman the way you did.

It certainly did, T .C.

I mean, uh, Teresa.

Enough hard to take to dinner?

Oh, like I told you before, I don't have a job.

I'm broke.

So what? I'm not.

You mean you'd take me to dinner?

Sure.

That is, unless you got something against dating a super's apprentice.

unless you don't mind McDonald's.

I love McDonald's. Matter of fact, Mayor McCheese even gave me a key to

McDonald'sville.

Is it a night at eight?

It's a date.

Oh,

and Thelma?

Now it's just a matter of how to spread it around.

Good times is videotaping for a studio audience.

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