Original subtitles

Good times, any time you need a payment. Good times, any time you need a friend.

Good times, any time you're out for Monday.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled.

Keeping your head up for water.

Making away when you can.

Temporary layoffs.

Good times, easy credit rip -offs. Good times.

Come on, baby, let's dance.

It'll do your leg good and it'll be fun.

Then it won't work.

You see, exercise isn't supposed to be fun. That's why they call it exercise.

As we all know, nothing that begins with E -X is ever fun.

Exercise, execution, ex -wife.

Well, expect to sleep on a couch if you don't dance with me, ex -husband.

Get on up, on to get down. Give me some soul.

it now, Keith, okay? All right, babe.

Ready? I'm ready.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

stop.

You know I can't do that.

Oh.

That Don old record player again.

Now, this is what I call exercise.

Thelma.

Oh, what's this exercising?

Well, you don't look like you need gator aid.

You want to drop by with the one -ass?

No, she said she was going to pick up the paper on her way home from the

boutique. Hey, ma, what kind of job are you looking for?

Well, I'd like something challenging yet secure, demanding yet rewarding,

dynamic yet fulfilling.

Sounds like a four -year hitch in the Marine Corps.

Pounding the pavement, pounding the pavement.

Couldn't find a job, huh, J .J.? Dumb as, like, asking for room service in

Johannesburg.

as I am, a team of wild Las Vegas showgirls couldn't drive me out of this

Well, I'm going to start doing it, okay?

On second thought, there may be some night work that I

can do.

Well,

I'll change my clothes first.

Uh, that's right, Thelma, because those pantyhose look better in the egg.

J .J., your body could fit into that egg.

All right.

Hey, Mom, about this job situation.

Uh,

don't you think you should forget about it and take it easy for a while? Oh,

now, J .J., you know me.

When it comes to doing nothing, I say nothing doing.

of the new school play called The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

Isn't that great?

Fantastic, wonderful, marvelous.

Yeah.

Y 'all don't seem too excited about it.

Of course we're excited, Rolona. It's just that I thought you had some news

about a job, that's all.

Oh, Flo, honey, there was no openings in my place, but I did bring you the

paper. Oh, well then, let's see what they got here. They may have something

the one hat we can use.

Yeah, let's see.

Uh -huh.

Look at this.

Sounds like something.

Microprocessor and analytical analog digital circuit designer.

You think that job's better for me or you, ma?

Neither. You can't say it, and I don't know what it means.

Oh, wait a minute. Look at this one, J .J.

Wanted substitute city school bus driver.

Excellent pay, fringe benefits.

Apply in person, Mr. C .J.

Collingswood, Roadway Bus Company, Incorporated. Oh, that sounds like a

job for you.

Me, a bus driver? That's right.

Honey, women do all kinds of jobs these days.

Telephone repairs, heavy -duty machinists, barge captains, dock

Yeah, I got a girl who's a tow bridge operator.

Named Two -Ton Tanya.

You know, every time I kiss her, I gotta chuck in a quarter.

JJ.

Just jive it, Ma.

It's only a dime.

Hmm. School bus driver.

You know, I always did want to work with kids.

No, you couldn't ask for a better deal if Monty Hall owned the company.

Okay.

I'll do it.

How's the life of the big -time director person?

Rough. Come here, baby.

Those little tots are giving you a hard time, huh?

Well, not all of them. Just a certain one. But I think I lost him.

answer to the neutron bomb.

At your service.

Hello, totem pole.

Gary, I'd like you to meet Miss Florida Evans.

Hey, Flo!

Pleased to meet you.

That's Mrs.

Evans to you, young man.

have your choice.

Either I go upside your head with these two pawns, or I cut you a nice piece of

sweet potato pie.

There ain't no dummy.

I'll set up for the plow flow.

Mrs. Evans.

I'll get it.

Well, what seems to be your problem?

Oh, they made me try for Penny's old play, and she cashed me as a sheep.

But, Gary, you're too short to be the shepherd.

You can't even see over the water bucket.

If I don't get a better part, I'm going to empty the water bucket over someone's

head.

Well, Lana, hold the pie.

Just jiving, just jiving.

Now, what's wrong with being a sheep?

Look, if Gary can't act well enough to handle the part, then maybe you should

find somebody else.

Mrs. Evans, I'm here for that reverse psychology.

When I went to my first psychiatrist, I was so young you had to put rubbish

sheets on his couch.

Okay.

Hey, Gary.

A couple of quick pointers on how to play the sheet.

to my civic duties, Philonia.

And anyway, it does my heart good to drop in every once in a while and visit

with my favorite project family.

Yes, well, I like to stay abreast of things, and as my younger constituents

what's shaking?

Mostly your jowl, Phil.

Well, as your older constituents would say, what's shaking is...

I'm looking for a job, and the shaking is mighty shaky.

Any prospects?

Well, I'm going to apply for a substitute job driving a school bus.

Oh, you will give Mr. Collins with my regards, won't you?

Hey, Chromedome.

Do you know him?

Of course, Petronia.

Well, then you could give Flo a good recommendation, huh?

Why, yes.

Unfortunately, this upcoming election has me worried. You see, my opponent has

plastered this district with full -colored posters of himself to gain

popularity. A brazen tactic.

A monstrous cheap trick.

And you wish you had thought of it first. And I wish I had thought of it.

Well, what it boils down to is a counterattack.

because I stand a good chance of being unseated unless I can locate some fine,

young, talented artist with enough civic pride to share his gift with the

uninformed masses.

And what, pray tell, would this young, talented artist, and you forgot to

mention incredibly handsome, receive as reward for his gift?

A word, perhaps, to Mr. Collingwood.

Hmm, suddenly I'm inspired.

Maybe even a strong letter of recommendation.

Hair! Suddenly I see hair!

Not to mention free paint.

I'll do it! Wait a minute, JJ.

Driving kids to school is a big responsibility.

I don't want that job unless I'm sure I can handle it.

Well, of course, you would be required to pass a stringent series of tests, but

if you can prove yourself worthy, upon my word and honor, Florida, you've got

the job. After all, this is my favorite project family.

Hi,

everybody.

You're here just in time for a great political work of art. Yeah?

It's gonna be the greatest unveiling since Mount Rushmore, when they found

wino sleeping in Lincoln's nose.

Well, Michael, you ready?

Yeah, brother, get on with it.

Voila!

It looks pretty good, J .J.

Who is it?

It's Altamont Davis.

Oh!

Yeah, see?

I used Muhammad Ali's cheekbone.

Billy Dee Williams' jaw, O .J. Simpson's nose, and Smokey Robinson's hairline.

J .J., what did you use of Davis's? His paint.

Well, you two try and hold it down.

I'm trying to study for this driver's test this afternoon.

Hey, wait a minute, Ma. Don't worry about it. You did real good on the

interview, and you passed the written test.

Yeah, but now that I'm getting close to getting a job, I'm just getting nervous.

Oh, I know I'm going to miss something.

I know you won't, Ma. Let me give you a little quiz right quick.

How about this?

Rule 15, section C.

Oh, that's easy.

Let me see now.

Always come to a complete child before letting off a spout.

See, I told you I was nervous.

It's just like having my first baby.

Don't worry, Ma. You'll get over it.

Yeah, you got over JJ, you can get over him.

Oh, yeah, Michael, when you were born, you were so ugly, the doctor slapped

himself.

Hey, Paul, how you doing?

Girl, did you win your driver's drive yet? Not yet, but I'm going for my test

a few hours. Good. Now you need to practice on the battle conditions.

Battle conditions?

Yeah. Kids and everything.

Keith Thoma.

How did you know they were in the bedroom?

How do I know Smokey is a bear?

Hey, Waluna.

Smokey is a bear. Oh.

Okay, we're going to help Flo practice for a driver's test. All right. Can you

act like a little kid, Thoma?

I could try.

Okay, and Keith, how about you?

Do we have to eat spinach?

if it turns you on.

This is silly.

Oh, no, it's not, Flo. Look, you already know the ground rules. All you need now

is a little practical experience.

Come on, JJ, Gramps. All right. You're in the school bus, right? In the bus.

Move like you're in the bus and everything like that, right? In the bus.

Flo, now grab the wheel.

Okay? On our way to school. Hit it. Okay.

Hey, it was all JJ's fault anyway. I know it wasn't your cucumber head, your

asparagus face.

Hey, man, you can't talk to her like that. Oh, yeah, you want to fight? Knock

off. the stick off my shoulder. I thought the stick was your shoulder.

What's going on here? I don't want to hear that.

It's 20 minutes to the next gas stop. But I can't wait, sissy.

Your mama, oh yeah.

Hi, children.

I'm not fighting this instance.

Who's going to make it? No one should have to make it.

To begin with, you should know better.

Your parents are making great sacrifices to send you to school.

And you ought to show them enough respect to act like a decent human

All right.

Fantastic.

Well, I just said what came to mind.

That was great, Ma, except for one thing.

What's that?

You forgot to stop the bus.

No, Ma. The bus just left us off in front of our playground.

Look who's here. For Fred Davis, you came to wish me luck?

Well, not exactly, Florida. You see, I, uh... Hey.

Well.

A good likeness, it does me justice.

And mercy.

Allow me to introduce my niece, Miss Sandra Forbes.

Sandra, this is Miss Florida Evans.

How do you do?

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Nice apartment, huh, Sandra?

Amazingly well kept for the project.

Why, thank you.

Incidentally, we've housebroken all our roaches.

Michael.

Uh, this is my friend, Rolona.

How do you do? Fine, thank you.

My son, Michael, and my oldest boy, JJ.

How do you do?

Emulsified.

Fred, are you going to tell these people why we're here?

Are you trying to talk, Negro?

Or are you having an indigestion attack?

Either way, it comes out gas.

I'd like to apologize for my children's rudeness.

In this neighborhood, it's to be expected.

Well, I hate to disappoint you, dear, but around here, you

don't always get what you expect.

It seems that you and I are the two finalists for this bus driving job.

And if Uncle Fred ever regains the use of his tongue, he'll tell you that

there's really no point in your taking the test this afternoon.

What?

In the first place, I'm much more qualified than you are.

I majored in child psychology.

I'm summa cum laude.

That's no big deal. More Southern Baptist.

Three children.

Yeah, but she only flunked in one.

In the second place, if push comes to shove, Uncle Fred will have a private

little talk with Mr. Collingswood. Isn't that right, Fred?

Right private?

That's not fair.

That's cheating, Fred.

Wait a minute.

Would you do something that underhanded, skinhead?

Skinhead certainly would.

Well, in that case, I got to put some finishing touches on this portrait.

Wait, J .J. I like it just the way it is.

Stand over there in the light so I can capture all six of your chins.

J .J., please.

Seems to be a little mistake with the hairline, but no problem. Easy correct.

Erase it.

Will somebody stop him?

You can, Alderman Davis.

But first you have to stop acting like a politician and behave like a human

being.

You must understand, there'll be other jobs.

I think we can leave now, Fred.

sweet little Gary say hello to the nice lady.

Gary, my name is Miss Forbes, and I just may be your brand new bus driver. Well,

bus driver you may be, but brand new you ain't.

Funny little fellow.

Fresh blood.

Pay attention to Totem Pole, you might learn something.

What you did was not very nice, and I don't approve.

However, you did make the lady understand that she isn't suited for

Oh, look, Mama. What did you say?

Mrs. Evans.

Better.