Original subtitles

Thelma, you're gorgeous. You're sweet. You're the best woman I've ever met.

And I'm not marrying you for your cooking. Wait,

wait, wait. Would you repeat that?

I said I'm not marrying Thelma for her cooking. Is that a proposal?

It is.

Well, I better come right to the point.

Well, let's do that.

How much and how soon?

Right now.

I don't find this easy to say, but we're going to have to let you go.

Let me go?

Well, look, Sweet Daddy ain't marrying her, but I'm the one lent you the money

to pay for her wedding. Trust me, Sweet Daddy, I'll pay you back somehow. I know

you will, because you're lucky.

See?

Tight -lipped Mary ran it down to me that your sister is marrying a big -time

football player who is up for a million -dollar contract.

So she better going to use that sucker for collateral.

I've been waiting a long time to give you this.

Oh, Ma.

I'm going to give it right back after the wedding. Oh, no, you won't.

Oh, Ma, this is something you've always treasured. That's why I'm giving it to

you, honey.

My mother gave it to me, and she treasured it, too.

J .J., my man.

You in trouble?

the conclusion of Florida's homecoming.

Hey, Michael, just don't be leaning on a ladder like that. Hold the thing. You

know, I could fall and hurt myself.

Not if you fall on your head.

Hey, Michael, don't hassle me. I got enough problems as it is. Keith is

me for busting up his million -dollar leg.

Hey, JT, now, you know that wasn't your fault, man. It was an accident.

I know that, Michael. I even went to the hospital to see him, but he put out a

sign outside his door that says, Do not disturb.

Occupant deceased.

I tried to write him a get well card, and he sent him back, Mark, suck eggs.

From that, I drew the conclusion that I was not on his Christmas list.

But that doesn't make any difference.

I'm still on Sweet Daddy's critical list.

AJ, do you think he'll send his hoods after you?

Let me put it to you this way, Michael.

Don't have no fans around here, because something's going to be hitting it, and

it's going to be me.

J .J., you're so skinny that you go right through the blades without getting

touched.

You know, bro, that's not the only problem you got on your hand. Oh, yeah?

What's that?

You can't spell.

B -R -I -D -L -E is for horses.

Michael, I did that to loosen things up around here.

Because, see, I know that Keith and Thumb are going to be spending their

honeymoon in there, and there's going to be a lot of horsing around.

notice what they were talking about.

Hi, Tess.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Wilona. Hi, babe.

JJ, you misspelled a word.

That bridal is for a horse.

Well, Keith and Thumbel are going to spend their honeymoon in there.

There's going to be a whole lot of horses around.

So did JJ, but it's a lot harder for a rooster to do it.

Hey, JJ, come on. Let's go finish with the bridal suite.

In a minute, Michael.

Hey, Ma.

I sprayed the bridal suite with my special new cologne called the Die Hard.

Guaranteed to get you started even on the coldest days.

I laid out Keith's fanciest silk pajamas and Thelma's sexiest nightgown. If that

don't stop Keith from hating me, nothing will.

JJ. When he sees her in that nightgown, honey, he will only forget you. He'll

forget October, November, and December, and maybe even New Year's Eve.

Poor J .J. He means well, but he's just like that little old lady driving down

the freeways.

Nothing happens to her, but right behind her, there's a 10 -car smash -up.

a nice dinner waiting for Keith when he gets home from the hospital.

What is that?

Thanks.

That bookman, he's been promising to fix this faucet ever since I got home.

Keith and Thelma were looking forward to spending a nice honeymoon someplace.

Now they gotta spend it here.

Well, it's like having a bridal suite on the Titanic.

Let's hope they won't have to stay here long.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Hey. Hey, Booger, don't you have enough?

No, I always go for gin.

Hey, that ain't the way to spell bridal sweet.

Oh?

Sweet is S -W -E -E -T.

Hey, where's all your boxes and everything?

Y 'all ain't packed yet?

Oh, my God.

You told me before the wedding that you'd be moving out at the end of the

Bookman, in all the excitement, I forgot.

J .J. lost his job and Keith didn't sign his contract, so we're just gonna have

to stay here. No, it's too late.

Oh, come on, Bookman. You couldn't have rented the place already.

Say what?

Why you think I'm up here to fix the faucets?

He rented it.

Oh, Bookman, come on. You can't do this. I have no place to stay.

Hey, there ain't no skin off my behind.

You wouldn't miss it, no, huh?

Mr. Bookman.

Uh -huh.

Mr. Bookman, when you want something, whatever happened to Buffalo Butt?

I don't remember anybody around here calling you that kind of a name.

No? What about Whale Tail?

Moby Dick?

Blubber Butt?

I never called you any of those names.

You blew it. Everybody else did.

Our department's ready. Oh, Bookman, you know that Keith had an accident.

Now, what does that got to do with me? Well, he's coming home from the hospital

today. I still don't see what that's got to do with me.

Bookman, can't we discuss this over a nice piece of sweet potato pie?

Now, that's got something to do with me.

Look, I'm only accepting this just to be social, okay? I mean, it has no bearing

on your thing.

Well, I've made this for Keith, but he certainly could need a whole pie.

That's right.

With his leg all busted up, we don't know whether pie is even good for him.

Yeah, if he ate a whole pie, it could make him sick.

Thank you.

Mmm.

Mmm. Delicious.

Good Lord, the tater pie tastes good.

You know something?

It's too bad your kids are always making fun of me.

Now, why would you say that?

Like yesterday, one of them wrote on the elevator, 2 ,000 pound capacity or

Bookman.

feelings, too. Of course you do, Booger.

I mean, Mr. Bookman.

You know, people think I'm fat because I overeat.

It's not true. I just have big bones.

You got the biggest bones.

I'm just crazy about them bones.

Uh, Mr. Bookman, how would you like some ice cream to go with your sweet potato

pie? Oh, no, no.

What kind?

You got chocolate.

And strawberry.

My favorite.

You know something, Ms. Evans.

Call me Florida.

Thank you, Ms. Woods. Call me 31 flavors.

All at your disposal, and nothing gets by your disposal.

You know something?

I was just thinking, the Hawkins family, I don't think they'd make very good

tenants. They all look like they're on diet.

Besides, y 'all are very nice folks.

Hey there, Morby Dick. What do you have for Buffalo Butt?

Yeah, you cause any tidal waves lately?

On second thought, I think the Hawkins family will love this apartment.

Okay, then.

Uh, Mr. Bookman has just been kind enough to say he was gonna forget about

telling him we were gonna move out.

Hey, thank you, Lotto.

Your heart's almost as big as your old buffalo butt. J .J.!

Just jiving, Bookman, just jiving. Hey, look, it's all right.

Everything's cool. Y 'all can stay.

But I gotta go.

Because me and Miss Bookman's going out for dinner.

You know, he's okay. And I was

getting tired of calling him Buffalo, but anyway.

Let's see now.

Rhino rope.

We should be thankful at least we have a place to stay.

Whoever thought we'd be thankful for this?

Oh, don't worry about it, Ma.

I get a job.

I mean, I'm black, young, and from the ghetto.

And all the unemployment statistics point to the fact that I'm going to

an unemployment statistic.

Oh, now, J .J., don't give up hope.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Thomas.

Hey, Keith. Welcome home, Keith.

Hey, brother.

Hold it right there, J .J.

Back up.

Oh, come on, Keith, now. Take it easy, huh? As long as I gotta stay here, I

that totem pole brother of yours at least one room length away from me.

Uh, Selma, why don't you make Keith comfortable on the couch?

Okay, Mom.

Come on, Keith.

Now, Keith, you know that, uh,

J .J. was just trying to welcome you home.

Yeah, everything's gonna be all right.

I'm going to protect you.

Nobody's going to even touch that leg anymore.

I guess I just got a little carried away.

Thanks to you, I got carried away.

Uh, Ma, doesn't that kid look wonderful?

Oh, he looks fine, Thelma.

When are you going to join your football team?

Well, Dr. Bronson, my surgeon, said I should be off these crutches in a couple

of weeks.

But as far as playing football goes, he wants a second opinion from another

orthopedic specialist.

Hey, don't get a second opinion. The only reason doctors want second opinions

so they can afford to invest in condominiums.

Hey, newlyweds, how'd you like to take a look at your bridal suite?

Oh, yeah, and that was all J .J.'s idea.

Terrific. You know, a week ago, Thelma and I were moving into a penthouse suite

overlooking Lake Michigan. You could see the sailboat sweeping across the lake.

Now look at the view I got.

An alley with Bookman's underwear on a clothesline.

Well, when it's a good breeze, Bookman's drawers billow out just like a sale.

Uh, Keith, look, we have to make the best of this, okay? This is not what I

in mind for our honeymoon.

Look, Keith, I'll try to make it up to you.

I mean, from now on, I'll be a complete honeymoon service. I'll be at your beck

and call.

All you have to do is just sing out any time, day or night, knowing that my ear

will be at your door.

I will always and never be far away from your bedside.

What he means is he didn't mean any of that.

Hello?

Yes, he is.

Oh, okay.

It's Dr. Bronson, Keith.

Oh, I guess he has that second opinion.

Okay, Doc, let's hear it.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Yeah, thanks for the word, Doc.

Bye.

Keith?

What did Dr. Bronson say?

Nothing good.

You mean you can't play football anymore?

Sure I can, anytime I want, except for one little problem.

What? He said if I ever get a good hit in the knee, I'll never walk straight

again.

Well, there goes everything down the drain. My contract, my future.

Didn't even get a chance to play pro ball.

Went right from a never was to a has been.

Keith, don't give up.

Keith, you know the doctors could be wrong. Those were two of the best

orthopedic surgeons in the world, and they both agreed it'd be murder if I

playing football again.

Oh, Keith, get a third opinion, a fourth opinion, a fifth opinion.

It must be one of those doctors who's got more guts than the other ones.

Thanks, toothpick.

Oh, come on, Keith. Can't you look at the bright side of things? Like what?

Like things are never as bad as they seem. It's always darkest before the

Or as one old wise man once said, you got nothing to worry about as long as

got your health and two good legs to stand on. JJ!

Please, remember.

You still got a college education.

Oh, yeah, great. All they taught me was to play football.

From now on, I'm a typical black Ph .D.

Poor, hassled, and depressed.

Keith, man, it's not the end of the world.

Um, Keith, would you like a nice cold beer? No!

Uh, well, let me put the pillow underneath you. Would you stop nagging

Nagging you?

Um...

Keith, look, I'm only trying to help you, you know, and I do know what you're

going through. How the hell do you know what I've been going through?

Did you smash your knee?

Did you lose a million -dollar contract?

No, and I'm trying not to lose a husband.

Baby, I love you.

Do you really love me?

Yes. Then get off my case! Hey, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, Keith. Man, I know

you hurt me, but you ain't been married to my sister long enough to start

yelling at her.

Michael. Take it easy.

Hey, look here, Keith.

Thelma has done nothing to hurt you. Nothing at all, except for marry you.

I'm sorry, Thelma. That didn't come out right.

What I mean is, if you want somebody to pick on, I'm your man.

I mean, how do you want me to kill myself?

Commit Harry Carey? Jump in Lake Michigan and pollute myself to death?

Eat Thelma's cooking?

Why do you want me to kill myself?

Give me a little time, and I'll think of something real good.

Oh, now, Keith, you're not being fair.

You're acting as if J .J. hurt you on purpose.

That's right, man. He was just taking your picture, and you tripped over him.

Yeah, I was the one that got rear -ended.

I don't believe this. I don't believe this. I'm the victim, and everyone's

feeling sorry for poor, misunderstood J .J. Hey, Keith, brother -in -law, I

think you should back up there a little bit. You know, you're not the only

victim around here.

My brother J .J. just lost his job.

But he still paid for your wedding.

And I was supposed to go to college.

But now that's out.

You see, I have to pitch in and help around here.

So there goes my big dream.

Wait, you back up. Back up, Michael.

Now you're going to college just like your daddy and I always planned. Mama.

Nobody's going to kill that dream.

Mama, I know you need the extra money around here. Michael, you can get a part

-time job.

Instead of going away, you can go to college right here in Chicago.

Oh, wow, man.

Oh, now, listen, everybody.

We've had lots of adversity. Lord knows we have.

But we've never let it get us down before, and we're not going to start

it get us down now.

Now, we're going to fight our way out of this. Things have just got to get

better.

Not necessarily, mother. Not necessarily.

Look, Mr.

Bloodsucker, I don't take too kindly to folks like you barging into my home

without an invitation.

Madam, you are so right.

Claude, inviting sweet daddy.

So, how's that for proper protocol?

You watch this protocol.

You get out of here now, or I'm going to call the police.

Well, then call my apartment, because that's where they're playing cards at.

And you can tell the chief of police that Sweet Daddy said hello.

Hi, JJ.

Oh, hi, sweets.

Look, y 'all ain't got nothing to worry about. I just came by to give my deepest

sympathies to the injured one.

Thanks a lot.

Not you, fool.

Him.

Me? I don't have an injury.

That's an oversight that is about to be corrected.

What is he talking about, J .J.? Well, Ma, I bought a towel from Sweets to pay

for Thelma's wedding.

Yeah, at $400 a week interest.

$400?

You're nothing but a robber.

Madam.

No, no. You see, I prefer to think of myself as a provider to the needy.

And when Sweet Daddy casts his bread on the waters, he expects it to come back

with extra slices.

Dig.

Don't be sacrilegious.

This family pays its debts.

Now you're going to get your foul.

But you won't get one cent of that crooked interest.

You dig?

No interest?

Woman, is you a commie?

I mean, I ain't no social agency.

You got to think of Sweet Daddy's image.

You don't have one.

Vampires don't cast images.

You got a funny son. I mean, that's very funny. I'm going to remember that if

you ever grow up.

Now, folks, let's just get serious.

Boys, go over there and break the bones of the bony one.

You'll have to come through me first. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, me too.

Who the hell do you think you are, man? You overdressed termite?

I don't believe this.

Fellas, this is funny. I mean, don't you recognize what we got here digging?

Here they are, the Black Walters.

Wrong.

They're nice. We're mean.

Oh, yeah? Well, pretty mama, we can be meaner. Let's bust up this place so I

collect my stuff.

Hey, hold on, sweet daddy man. I got a bike that can get you at least $35.

Oh, yeah? Well, I can pay little Johnny a dollar and he'll steal it.

Hey, look here, sweets.

I got some paintings that'll be worth a lot when I'm dead.

That's funny.

Got my all -American ring.

Solid gold.

Oh, I don't want to hear no sad story, man. How much is it worth?

About $20.

$20? You must be crazy. What's going on here now?

Mom?

Hey. What have we got here?

Wait a minute, wait a minute, let me see that.

Aha, looks like an antique.

Might be worth something.

I don't know what it's worth to you, but it's worth everything to me.

My mother gave me that locket, and I've waited all these years to give it to my

baby.

But if it makes you feel like the big man you think you are, you keep that

locket and give me my son.

And take

your hats off in my house.

Didn't you hear what the woman said? Take off your hat.

And go over there and look at the door and do something.

Ma 'am, I know this is going to sound kind of strange, but... Well,

Sweet Daddy's mama used to wear locket just like that, and I really loved that

one. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to sell for the style.

But I got one thing to say, and dig this.

If anybody...

ever mentions one word to me that they heard about Sweet Daddy showing some

kindness, baby, I'm going to come back here and really raise hell. You

understand me?

Bless you. Oh, God.

I've got to stay awake. Thank you, Jesus.

We're family again.

Keeping your head above water.

Making a wave when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good times.

Easy credit and ripoffs. Good times.

If we're lucky, we got them.

Good times. Good times is videotaping for a studio audience.