Original subtitles

Good time! Anytime you need a payment. Good time! Anytime you need a friend.

Good time! Anytime you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head above water.

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good time!

If you are not home in that bed in 30 seconds, you are going to have hot buns

before breakfast.

But aren't we going to wait up for Michael and Thelma, though? 29, 28.

Shut up.

Even Marie Osmond knows more than I do.

I'll watch.

Hey, Walona. Huh?

You're telling me that Thelma and Michael are not home yet? Me, the

home first? That's right.

Well, then. What are you doing?

I'm getting ready to make another date.

I'm going out with Bess the Midnight Express.

She starts late but makes no stops.

I've seen Bess. She looks more like Poggy.

Well,

I better go change into some threads more apropos for the late, late, late

AJ, what's going on?

Since Flo has been away, you kids have been running wild.

I tell you, I don't know how much more I can take of this.

Oh, take it easy, Walona.

Evan's family's doing just great, you know what I mean?

I'm a big -time advertising exec.

Michael's getting ready to go to college.

Thelma, well, you know, you can't win them all.

A little too conservative for me.

J .J., I know you're... making a good salary, but must you spend all your

on clothes? Why don't you put some money in the bank?

Because I attract more interest this way, Walona. The bank only gives away

calendars. Me, I get the live merchandise.

Well, Walona, how you like it?

You want my honest opinion?

Yeah, why not?

You look like a Q -tip dipped in Mercuricone.

Hi, JJ. Hi, Walona.

Y 'all show up early.

Grams, just one minute. You know what time it is?

Yeah, Michael, don't you think you got something to say here?

Sure.

Good night.

I hope yours is as good as mine.

Michael, now the only time you stayed up this late before was when you were

doing your homework.

Well, Belona, I may not have been at home, but I was working.

Matter of fact, I gotta say goodbye to all these women before I leave for

college.

Hey, Michael, you don't leave for college for two weeks yet. It's going to

you that long to say goodbye to all those foxes? If I hurry.

In that case, Michael, there's still no reason for you to be coming home this

late. So me being the brother superior and head of the house, I'm going to have

to command you to your room. Oh, good night. But I'm confiscating this

Hey, brother, you can't take away my gusto.

What's going wrong in this family?

You're all coming in late. Don't have your meals together anymore.

You don't even see each other for days at a time.

You all are getting on my nerves.

Have any of you noticed what's happening to Thelma?

What's wrong with Thelma?

Well, she's coming in late, acting distant, and when I ask her where she's

she doesn't hear me.

Sounds like she's in love or going deaf.

J .J., I'm serious.

All right, all right.

When she gets home, I'll have a good old -fashioned hard -to -hard talk with

her. And then we'll get to the bottom of this here problem.

Well, here's the bottom.

Good evening, folks. I mean, good morning, folks.

Bugger, what are you doing nosing around here this time of the morning?

Hey, this is trash day.

Better get down there before the truck leaves without you.

You know, I come up here to do you people a favor, and all I get is

don't need this. Bye.

Bye.

Oh, I'm going now. Bye.

Adios.

Well, I mean, if nobody's worried about where Thelma is, it's fine with me.

Hey, look away.

You know where Thelma is? Yeah, I just saw her. Where is she? Is she all right?

Where is she? Hey, I don't want to upset nobody. Hey, now, Negro, please, tell

me where she is.

Sitting down right in front of this building and a big, long, red Cadillac

necking with some dude.

What? There's only two kind of dudes in the ghetto can afford a fancy car like

that. One is a numbers runner, and the other is... I'll kill her!

Did you recognize the dude?

Well, I tried.

Lord knows I tried, but they were kissing so hard, they fogged up the

I'll teach him to muscle my sister. Hey, hey, hey, I think he already knows how.

excited rationally and calmly who is it i'm a winner hell have you been hello

the car windows isn't all that's fogged up

is this window fogger you've been going out with.

His name is Keith.

Keith Anderson.

Hey, he's got the same name as that black football player who almost won the

Heisman Trophy.

Michael, that is him. It is.

You mean you, the ugly duckling that snagged the Golden East?

Thelma, you know I read in the paper that he's in town to sign a million

contract with the Bears.

A million -dollar contract? Thelma, the nice young...

He introduced himself to me after he saw me dance at the community center.

And I didn't even know he was a football player.

Thelma, when are we going to meet him? Really, really soon.

I've been going out with him for about a month, so I decided to invite him for

dinner.

Dinner? Yep. Who's going to do the cooking?

I am.

Ooh.

Thelma, you going to tomane the goose before he lay the golden eggs?

Thelma, wait a minute, baby. I want to ask you one question.

How does Keith feel about you?

I don't know, Ilona, but I do know one thing for sure.

I love him.

And I just can't stop hoping that he loves me, too.

Look at this dress. It's stuck. I can't zip it up.

Thelma, that's because it's got buttons on it.

Some Chinese food.

I thought Keith may like some. I got here some Mugu cow pain.

Some Mongolian albifo.

Some Peking duck.

And a chicken that lost its passport.

JJ, you know I cook the roast.

Hi, y 'all. Is Keith here yet?

No. What's all this?

Oh, nothing. Just a couple of dozen hors d 'oeuvres I threw together.

I want Keith to be really comfortable, so just everybody just be yourselves.

Except for you, JJ.

Hey, silly.

There ain't nothing but somebody's name scribbled on a piece of paper. Most of

the time, you can't read them anyway.

Hey, that's all right. I don't mind, man.

Well, in that case, make it out to J .J., the man who has

created more moves than prune juice.

Hey, this is my brother, J .J. Hello, man. Glad to meet you. Thelma told me a

lot about you. I deny every word.

The girl's gotten into a bad habit of lying.

Well, she told me you were a talented artist, had a good future, and, uh, were

very handsome.

As I was saying, Thelma has never lied a day in her life.

And this is my other brother, Michael.

Glad to meet you, Keith. I saw your last football game, man, and that touchdown

you made was on the money. Ah, man, thanks, Mike. No problem. And this is

little neighbor, Penny.

Uh -huh, well, I'm big born.

Ah, yes, my little chickadee.

I'd like to sing a little ditty for you. You light up my nose.

Keith, I didn't know you were an actor, too. Hey, well, I took drama in college.

That's why the teacher made me go out for football.

Well, this is our best friend and Penny's mother, Walona Woods. How are

You're lovely. You're as beautiful as Thelma said.

Ooh, child, honey, he's a natural.

He ain't even got the ball yet, and he's already scored a touchdown.

Well, Keith, dinner will be ready in a minute. All right, babe. Order?

No, that's all right. How about some moo -moo cow pants?

a big Chinese delicacy. Come on, help me in the kitchen, please.

I'll help too, Thelma.

I'm the artist, yeah. Oh, Keith, I watch football on TV, and could you tell me

one thing? What's that?

Why does the man who called the numbers always have to lean over and tickle the

man who hands him the ball?

That's to warn him if he doesn't hand it right, he might get more than a tickle,

you know what I mean?

Yo, got a question for you. How come there aren't any head black coaches in

football today?

Because we players can't afford to take the cut in salary. But, Michael, there's

going to be some black head coaches someday real soon, my man. I hope so,

brother. I mean, this is the 20th century now.

All right. All right, then. Well, let's get down to the main, most important

aspect of professional sports. What's that? That happens to be product

endorsement.

As you know, I'm a big -time advertising exec.

Michael, my cigars, please.

Keith Albert Anderson, right? Right. Well, you know there's OJ Simpson.

From now on, you're going to be known as K .A. Anderson, better known as Kool

-Aid Anderson.

Way out, huh? Hey, wait, wait out, J .J. You're on to something there. Well, you

know, what can I say?

There's plenty more where that came from.

Now, you know how O .J. Simpson runs through airports and rents cars?

Well, from now on, you're going to run through bus stations and rent airplanes.

Yes, sir.

That's brilliant. Say, how about renting out advertising space on my uniform,

huh? I ain't no doubt about it. See, that is right in the back there.

I'm telling you, boy, what we got to do is incorporate you. Between my brains

and your athletic ability, there's no telling how much bread we can slice.

All right, I hear that, man.

If your brains are going to be behind this whole organization, I got the

slogan for your ad company. Oh, yeah? What's that?

Get a piece of the rock.

Michael, answer the phone. I got it. Well, I think of an answer for that

wisecrack. Hello?

You want to speak to Keith Anderson?

Who's calling?

Guy by the name of Mr. Compton. Well, that's my agent. I told him I'd be here.

Yeah, he's here.

Hi, Al.

Oh, they made us another offer, huh?

Oh, we're 15 ,000 apart.

Yeah, well, don't give in, man.

No.

Yeah, let me know what happens.

Yeah, see you, baby.

Okay, later, Al!

Okay, let's go to the colonels.

Belma, look at the roast. Belma, the roast looks absolutely beautiful. Not

as beautiful as the cook looks. Well,

I guess I'll come.

It's JJ. Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yeah, right.

Lord, who parted the Red Sea off of Egypt's coast.

My college coach always had us say a prayer before each game. I still

it.

Dear Lord, we humbly ask your blessings for our team and our opponents.

Let us be gentle and righteous, for peace and love are all that matters.

Now let's get out there and kick their butts!

Cut one, cut two, let's eat. Cut to me, man.

Why don't you use the sharp end of the knife?

half -sauce would be more appropriate.

You see, Thelma's used to cooking in a radar oven. Yeah, but the radar kept

locating enemy submarines.

I tell you, ain't nothing like a good firm roast to strengthen your teeth.

Yeah, smiling Leon Spinks eat here all the time.

than the Dallas defense.

Honey, who cares?

Look, Thelma.

Thelma, you're gorgeous. You're sweet. You're the best woman I've ever met.

And I'm not marrying you for your cooking. Wait, wait, wait. Would you

that?

I said I'm not marrying Thelma for her cooking. Is that a proposal?

It is.

You ain't got much time. I already told you, as soon as I sign this contract, I

got to go off on the road with the Bears.

And I feel a lot better if I know you're Mrs. Anderson.

So if we're going to do it this Saturday, it has got to be the day.

Oh, Keith, I love you and everything, but I can't say yes until I talk to my

mother, and she's in Arizona.

Let's talk.

Mom down is always there when you need us. We call a collection.

Come on, Katie, dial that phone. We call a collection. We've been waiting 21

years to hear this message.

It's ringing. It's ringing.

permission will i marry him if you say no yes ma

i think so well if i love him that much marry him

Yeah, I should have never let J .J. go pick Ma up. J .J. can't even pick up his

own socks in the morning.

Diamond, you know J .J. wanted to do this whole thing on a first -class

As a matter of fact, he borrowed a limo from Ferguson's mortuary.

How y 'all's floor here? Oh, no, Walona, I don't know. I hope nothing went

wrong. Oh, honey, calm down.

You're a nervous wreck.

Yeah, I guess I am upset.

You know, Walona, last night I couldn't sleep at all.

You know that's natural?

You get married tomorrow?

That means two nights without sleep.

Gramps. Well, I'm just telling it like it is.

I don't believe it. Little Thelma Evans, a bride.

You're going to be so happy together.

Marrying a rich, handsome football player.

Why couldn't it happen to me?

Forget the wedding bouquet, honey. Throw me a football player.

Well, I shouldn't be upset.

Because my ex, Roger the Dodger, and I, we had a fantastic wedding.

Honey, I walked down the aisle with my pot de soie silk.

And six bridesmaids threw rose petals as I stepped down the aisle.

It was a beautiful wedding.

Only thing that's flawed was the marriage.

Sure, honey. You won't have the trouble I had with my man.

Now, Roger was not a football player, but he sure played the field.

Come here, Gramps. Let me show you a picture of this dude right here. Look at

this. Oh, ain't he handsome, honey? He is so fine.

He smokes.

There ought to be a warning behind his name.

Hazardous to your health.

Oh, but he was so good to me.

He was good to the cocktail waitress, a meter maid, and he was very good to the

Avon lady.

They rang each other's chimes.

And would you believe the day we were splitting, he followed a black dress for

ten minutes before he realized it was the judge that was divorcing us.

Just looking out of the window, watching the asphalt road,

thinking how it all looks when we die.

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