Original subtitles

Good time, anytime you need a payment. Good time, anytime you feel free.

Good time, anytime you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head up above

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good time, easy credit ripoffs. Good time, scratching

ass.

I see the day when J .J. would put down all his other chick for just one girl.

Mama, what's this barber got that I haven't got? Nothing, honey.

Except that she's got it now.

I just think barbers is not right for J .J.

Well, honey, don't point and say nothing to J .J. He's so much in love with that

girl, he can't even see what she really is, you know?

Oh, married woman.

That's not what you're married to. You're not supposed to date other

Honey, that's just... That's what I was trying to tell my ex -husband.

Penny,

Barbara's not exactly married.

Well, she's separated.

Well, the trouble is she ain't separated far enough.

That's what worries me, Walona.

You know, I think she's stringing J .J. along and he's going to get hurt.

He's hurting already. Look at the stomach pains he's having.

The Tums. J .J., you finished up the Tums last night.

Oh, those were those were.

So I was eating white M &M's.

Hey, let's finish playing some checkers.

Hey, J .J., you ever think about the relationship with you and Barbara

has something to do with the pains in your stomach, you know?

Absolutely negatory.

This upset's clearly connected to Thelma's cooking.

Oh, come on now.

Hey, I must admit, though, Thelma, your cuisine has been improving.

That's why it's been improving.

See, I've been dreaming of somebody like Barbara all my life.

Now, the finger of fate has finally fingered me.

And that finger of fate is poking you right in the stomach.

No, Jeff. Now, how else do you explain the pain that comes every time a certain

person's name is mentioned like Barbara?

See that?

Luna, I love Barbara. And to prove it to you, check this out. What?

Oh, Mr. Miguel.

Yeah, JJ?

My little black book.

Your little black book? That's right.

The official Funkin' Wagnall of Feminine Foxitude.

Oh, look.

Boom Boom's name has numbers after it.

38, 24, 35.

Oh, that's right, honey. You know what that is? That's a zip code.

My zip code is 191919.

Oh.

I've had enough of this madness.

Barbara is waiting down there for her numero uno, and you know who is uno.

I'm going to go slip into something a little more slinkier -er.

What's the matter, babe? Oh, JJ, you better stay home and get some rest. Stay

home, you got some pain. I don't have any pain.

It's just from the pressure of work. And then when I come home, I get pressure

from my loved ones.

What pressure?

JJ, we're working. We're worried about you and we don't want you to get hurt

ruin your life running around with a married woman who just got you dangling,

you dingle brain.

Stop hassling me.

Obviously you didn't hear me. I love Barbara. To look into her eyes, to be in

her arms.

You don't have any idea what an evening with Barbara does for me.

I mean nothing, honey. He's in pain. He isn't. I know he's in pain.

I'm so fine, hon.

I'm so fine. Woo!

Can't use no shampoo, mama.

Hey, aren't you finished showering yet? I told you, I was expecting someone.

Oh, I get through faster if you came in and scrubbed my back for me, mama.

You always do this to me.

I'll just trick try.

Yay, Jay.

You were early.

That's because I couldn't stand being away from you a minute longer. Woo!

Thank you.

something i think i better tell you before yeah like jj i miss you jj i love

that too ah well then come over here and tell me

come

on babe let's go

oh what's your hurry we got to sit down here

let's not get into that again. The future can wait. Maybe the future can

for you, but not for me.

Now, when are you and your husband getting denuptialized?

J .J., try to understand.

I love you, but there are certain leftover feelings I have for Ernie, too.

Hey, look, Mama, we got things to talk about, and we got to talk about them

right now.

J .J., please.

Why can't things just stay the way they are? Things have been the way they are

for too long.

J .J., try and understand.

No, later, later.

But

there's

a man in your bathroom there, and I hope he's only...

Where'd you put my cologne?

You ran out, remember? And I haven't had a chance to get to the store.

Oh, yeah, well, okay. Guess I'll just have to rough it tonight.

anybody coming in shower who's this this is jj

oh so you're jj hey what's happening my man i done heard a whole lot about

you uh see me and barb here we're just real

good buddies that ain't the way i got it my man

Yeah, well, see, me and Bob, we just kind of pal around together, you know?

Like, we go to chamber concerts together and music recitals and drink beer

together. She's just a real good pal.

Buddy -o, buddy -o.

Knock it off, JJ. I told Ernie everything about us.

Now, I'm going to be getting out your way.

And I'm sorry if I interrupted anything.

Oh, no.

You didn't interrupt anything.

Anytime you feel like coming, come on in.

Any husband of Barbara's is a friend of mine.

Thanks, JJ.

Thanks, bro.

Get home.

What's he doing here?

the time to pick up fresh clothes, to shave, to shower.

Oh, you know, I feel a little funny knowing that a husband is showering

next door to me, you know?

Maybe I'm funny that way. Maybe I'm crazy, you know?

Don't think about Ernie.

Don't think about Ernie? How can I not think about an insanely jealous husband?

He's not insanely jealous.

And, uh, come here. Maybe this will take your mind off of Ernie.

How's that?

Fantastic.

You sure Ernie don't carry a gun?

Ice pick or something?

Just forget about Ernie. I would love to forget about Ernie.

Except I want just one good reason. I said one good reason why he feels he can

come here and shower and shave anytime he is dirty.

He pays the rent.

In that case, I'll pay the rent, I'll move in, and Ernie can shower and shave

down at the car wash.

J .J., the rent is $400 a month.

I got enough to take us through Tuesday.

J .J., we were going out to dinner. Why don't we go? Yeah, okay.

All of a sudden, I don't feel too much like eating.

Well, uh, I'm on my way.

Thanks, Bill.

Hey,

good meeting you, J .J. All right, all right.

Hey, look, uh, don't forget, babe.

Tomorrow, right?

Yeah, right.

What's all this talk about tomorrow?

We're nothing. We're just having dinner.

Yeah. and dinner tonight.

Why are you going to have dinner tomorrow, too?

Hey, J .J., stop shouting. I mean, just because we're separated doesn't mean we

can't be friends.

Hey, you're not looking too good.

Are you still having those stomach pains?

Maybe I better call a doctor. Why? Are you sick?

J .J., you just sit right there.

Oh, do I look like a man in pain?

Hey, babe,

you better just lie right there. Is there anything I can do for you?

Call a doctor.

Okay, thank you very much, doctor. We'll do all we can to help him, okay?

Okay, thank you. Bye -bye.

What did he say? Is he going to be all right? Yeah, he's on his way home, and

it's nothing really serious, Walona, but it is his stomach. And if he doesn't

take care of himself, it can turn into an ulcer.

An ulcer?

What's that?

Well, honey, it's something like a hole in his stomach.

Oh, I've got that.

But I call it a belly button.

Yeah, and a lot of people think only older people get ulcers.

If J .J. would have stayed here and played house with me instead of running

around with other women, this wouldn't happen.

Yeah, you know, I can't believe JJ has a stomach ulcer. I always thought the boy

had a cast -iron stomach.

Matter of fact, I've seen him eat some stuff that would gag a goat.

And who knows what goes in his stomach when he eats out?

Oh, Penny.

No, no, no, Thelma.

No, Penny didn't mean what you think she meant.

meant was there's food out there, you know, in those greasy spoon restaurants

that's just as dangerous as some of the food you cook for us.

You know,

just the one thing is that the doctor said we have to keep JJ calm and relaxed

and not get him excited, okay, about anything.

Everything cool. Okay.

I think I'm in the wrong apartment. No, no, no.

I'll help you take off your galoshes. Sit down. Sit down. Pick your foot up.

Come on.

Galoshes? I'm not wearing any galoshes.

So why don't you put some on so I can help you take them off?

What's going on here? Don't worry, big brother.

We're just here to help you. Just tell us whatever you want. I just want to

what's going on here. I'll take it easy now. Take it easy. Yeah.

That's right, JJ.

Remember your belly button.

is the doctor called us and we know about your stomach trouble, honey. Ah,

does he know?

J .J., the man should know. He's a specialist.

Oh, yeah? Well, I walked in the office and he had a skeleton in there.

How come we didn't cure that guy?

J .J., be calm.

Calm down, baby. Calm down. Calm down.

I am calm.

She said when I come home from a hard day's work, I expect a normal day of

unquiet and unpeace around here.

We just... Gonna make you happy, brother dear. Just gonna make you happy.

Could make me more happy if you put those teeth back in that jack -o'

Well, I won't smile anymore.

I'll just make you some milk toast.

Hey, I don't want any milk toast.

I want to hassle like we always do.

J .J., you're thick, and we just want to help you.

Hey, Michael, I'm not sick, and I'll be fine as soon as Barbara gets here. Oh,

Barbara. What a nice girl.

I just said what a nice girl.

Oh, yeah, she's such a nice girl. Why don't you keep her husband hide in her

shower?

You know, J .J., I agree with you. She's no good.

Michael, you're talking about the woman I love.

Stop trying to appease me. Hustle with me like you always do.

I said hassle with me. JJ, look, if you want to hassle, you hassle with

yourself, okay? Because we're going to keep you calm and relaxed if we've got

tie you up and sit on you. Tell me, tell me. Come on.

I'm making something to eat. I'm making something to eat. Like I said, I'm

milked. I have to get the doorman. I'll get it for you.

Michael, I'm capable of opening a door.

Hey!

Hey, what's up, Bookman?

Hey, J .J., I heard you were sick.

So I brought this over for me and Mrs. Bookman.

You know, Bookman, that's a nice thought of you.

Hey, and that's exactly what J .J. needs, rest.

Yeah, I cut off the other two words.

Thank you very much, Bookman. Hey, that's okay, man. I kept you in peace.

in case you take a turn for the worse.

That's so funny. I don't know why they let you out of that box.

Why don't you take a turn for that door and split?

Look, I just came over to cheer J .J. up. He ain't dead.

Hey, look, man, you should be counting your blessings.

I mean, it also ain't bad.

At least you know what you got.

I dig it. You know what happened the other day?

Mrs. Stevenson left her apartment on the seventh floor, right? I mean, a picture

of health.

By the time she got down to the first floor, she was dead, just like that.

Heart attack.

No, she fell out the window.

Yeah, Bookman, that certainly cheers me up.

Hey, look, Gigi, I'm not surprised you got an ulcer, man.

It's dangerous fooling around with them married women, you know. You're right.

Look at you and Mrs. Bookman.

Hey, what do we have here?

It's what you put in your mouth. All the time, Bookman. It's called food.

And it's all the wrong kind of food for your ulcer.

Bookman, what you doing here?

I'm saving your brother's life.

Look at all this junk in here. He may be eating this barbecued ribs.

There's a ham in there. Pork chops, mustard, pickles.

All the wrong stuff.

Fried chicken.

That is the worst thing he should eat, really.

Bookman, aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yeah.

Donuts.

Give me that thing back.

Hold it.

Get out of here.

Alex, I'm only trying to be a good egg. Thanks a lot, Humpty Dumpty.

Hey, JJ, stay off your stomach for a couple of days, okay?

And take your crabgrass with you.

You got to stay calm, JJ. You got to stay calm now you know about your

condition, right?

Dumb, I don't have to. have a condition and start babying me, you know?

Oh, JJ, I just had to come over. I've been so worried about you.

Well, thanks a lot, Mama, but I'm fine.

Yeah, he was fine.

And to tell you what good condition I'm in, I know this great little Italian

restaurant. We can go there and have some pizza.

JJ, you can't be going out now and you know pizza's not good for you.

Thelma, I know what's good for me, and it has to be this lady right here, Barb.

That's why I'm going to change my shirt, and I'll be right back. Okay, baby.

Um, Barbara, may I ask you something personal?

Sure, Thelma.

It's about JJ.

What about JJ?

Well, I don't know exactly how to... Leave him alone!

Hey, wait a minute.

You're just his sister, not his mother, so you really... Hey, don't do that!

to Barbara by myself, all right?

If I had my choice, I'd just as soon listen.

You don't have a choice, so come on.

Have a seat, Barbara.

Hey, I'm kind of sorry about that little thing with Thelma. She's a little

upset, you understand?

Yeah, I understand, but what she has to realize is that J .J. and I are both

over 21.

Well, what you have to realize is that J .J. never had an ulcer before he met

you.

Hey, are you trying to tell me something? I ain't trying, honey. I'm

Look, you can't blame me for J .J.'s condition.

He has a pressure cooker job. He's got this whole family to support.

Now, I'm the only one that keeps his mind off his troubles. I keep him happy.

What do you mean?

Well, when are you going to divorce your husband?

That's none of your business.

Now, that's true.

Let me tell you something, honey.

Now, J .J.'s like a son to me, and I love him very much.

And I usually mind my business.

But when he's in pain, I make it my business.

Hey,

time. I mean, J .J. is a man, and I know that better than you do.

You're right.

You're absolutely, positively right. Now, he is a man, but for a lot more

reasons than what you think.

You listen to me and you listen kind of good, okay?

I know a few people like you. You know, women that play one end against the

other end.

That are afraid to let go one man. Hold on to your husband and hold on to JJ.

Don't let nobody go.

Because you're afraid of making a real commitment.

And the real sad part about it, Barbara, is this.

I don't believe you love either one of them.

Hey, you are wrong.

I love JJ. And I'm not going to give him up.

I'm a step on high.

Hold it. Let's keep the fire going.

How about me and you getting married?

We will.

We will. Ah, beautiful.

Someday, hon.

What do you mean, someday?

All you got to do is get divorced from your husband, then me and you get

married. Maybe we can find one of those judges to give us a two -for -one sale.

JJ, we can't get married right now. I mean, you don't have enough money yet.

Oh, well, then, hey, don't worry about it, Mama.

I'll go out there and get another job.

But, uh, what about your family? I mean, how are you going to support them and

me? Hey, no problem. We'll get a cheaper apartment.

I don't want a cheaper apartment.

Hey, no worry at all. You can get a part -time job.

I don't want a job. I mean, things are going just fine the way they are.

Yeah, but Ernie's supporting you.

Hmm.

You don't want a part -time job?

I'm out there busting my tail for you.

I thought you said you love me.

Well, J .J., I do love you. I adore you.

But you're not giving me time.

You're giving me the time.

A hard time.

Hey, look here, Mom. You have to make a decision right now. Either it's me or

Ernie.

J .J., things have been so perfect.

Why do you want to spoil everything?

So my pain will go away.

You realize what I just said?

You know, you're the reason for this pain.

No, honey, that's not true.

Hey, look, Bar, you got to choose right now. I mean, make a decision. It's

either me or Ernie. I mean, do whatever you have to do. Flip a coin, but either

it's me or Ernie.

I can't. I won't make that decision.

you just did.

Just looking out of the window Watching the asphalt road

Thinking how

Good times is videotape in front of a studio audience.

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