Original subtitles

Good time, anytime you need a payment. Good time, anytime you need a break.

Good time, anytime you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head above water.

Making a way when you can.

and go to jail. So don't throw a four.

Come on, Dice. Brother Michael needs a new pair of shoes.

Woo! A big fat four!

Welcome to the slammer.

I don't want to play this childish game anymore.

Oh, Michael, you'll be a sore loser.

Come on, now. It's my turn.

Don't throw a seven, Thelma.

Because if you throw a seven, you'll land in Marvin Garden, where you'll have

pay me $1 ,200.

Yeah. And that'll wipe you out. No way! Come on, seven.

childish game anymore.

Don't be a sore loser, darling.

Well,

well, well.

Hello, dear friends, wonderful family, and Thelma.

Hey, JJ, what's in the box?

Michael, new thing we got at the ad agency.

It's called Formosa Punch.

Formosa Punch? That's right.

Nutritious, delicious.

Drink made from the fine essence of Chinese mandarin oranges.

Is it good?

Well, that's what I'm here to find out, Penny. See, we're consumer testers in

different markets, and we want to find out what the public response is to it.

ahead and take a swig of it there.

Yuck! Oh, my goodness, this is awful.

This stuff tastes like it's been strained through Fu Manchu's mustache.

I'll put you all three down as undecided.

advertising names. He would call it Formosa Punch. Why don't you get a taste

that, see what you think of it. Go ahead, hon. That sure is a pretty color.

Yeah.

Good gugga mug.

That means three undecideds and one good gugga mugger. Hey,

listen, guess who called me today?

Who? Frank Mason.

Oh, Frank Mason. That's terrific.

That's super.

Who's Frank Mason?

Oh, well, he's an old friend of mine.

He used to be a building contractor around here before he went off to a...

Months and two weeks. But who's keeping score?

Well, anyway, he called me at the boutique. I told him to come by and say

to everybody.

No wonder you're so excited, Wilona. Me excited?

No, I'm not. I'm cool.

How do I look?

Terrific, Mama.

Is this Frank Mason somebody special?

Oh, no.

Nobody special.

Nobody special.

Wilona, you're almost married.

Rams don't be silly. Now, Frank and I had a good time together, but it was

just... One of those things.

It's him.

I'll get it. Oh, hold it. Don't you do nothing.

Cool and collected when he opens that door. No, that's not it.

I'm glad to have been of service. Uh, wait a minute, my friend.

Uh, the hinge on the toilet seat is loose.

Hey, that's dangerous. A person could get hurt that way. A person did get

Hey, Goodman, since you're doing such a good job around here, how would you like

a nice, refreshing drink?

Hey, don't mind if I do.

Oh, wow.

Scrumptious!

What does he know? He eats hamburger helpers straight from the box.

Then he eats the box.

I'm chagrined.

And you're chagreedy too, baby.

Mr. Bookman, can I come watch you?

Sure, Penny, but why do you want to watch?

Because Mama always says, you don't know which end is up.

And I want to see how the toilet seat turns out.

Come on.

Well, since Frank isn't here yet, I think I'll slip home to my place, put on

something a little more welcome home -ish, you know what I mean? Baby, just

seeing you is welcome home enough. Honey, honey, we're not alone.

You're going to sell me? All right, sell me.

Hey, JJ, that's a jump shot.

What's happening, Michael?

Hey, where's your dog sled?

Downstairs. Double pop.

Boy, with those bad threads, you must have really hit big in Alaska.

Well, I ain't saying that I done well, you understand? But, J .J., if I wanted

to, I could buy me four Cadillacs.

One for each direction.

Look here, y 'all. Alaska is just the beginning.

I got buildings going up all over the world. Next week, I'm off to Caracas,

Venezuela.

Well, that's big years.

You've been here all of four hours.

Yeah, but this time...

We got something permanent to talk about.

Permanent? Permanent, with a capital P.

We were just going. We were?

Yeah, we were. Oh, yeah, that's right. We were just going. Yeah, we might as

well leave and give away some more of this Formosa Punch.

Who are we going to give it to?

Who don't we like?

We already gave some to Bookman.

Let's see if Mrs. Bookman's home.

asking so long, I thought you might want to rub noses.

Well, we can get down with that.

Oh, it's been a long time.

You don't know how I've missed you. Oh, missed me? Oh, I should have guessed,

you know, all those letters you wrote. Hey, I'm not one for writing. I'm better

at saying things in person.

Yeah, like goodbye, baby.

I'm trying to say hello, baby. Sure, that's why you're off on the first thing

Smoker took her rocking. Yeah, but I'm not planning on going alone.

For you, baby.

For me?

Oh,

it's beautiful.

Frank,

does Elizabeth Taylor know you stole her ring? You bet.

I tell you what, you go on and try it on. If it don't fit, I'll take you out

buy you a bigger finger.

Hank, why didn't you let me go to Alaska with you like I wanted?

Like I told you. Hey, we were so far away from civilization that at the

party, we used to have to boogie down with the polar bear and pinch the

Oh, Walona.

What kind of life would that have been for you? We wouldn't have seen each

for months at a time.

Instead, we don't see each other for years at a time. Well, look, baby, I

all that's over now.

I'm back, and I got plans for the future.

Walona.

You're my future.

Oh, Frank.

Okay. So, when do we pick up the marriage license? Tomorrow or too soon?

sit down. Let me tell you some things that I'm important, you know. Okay.

All right.

Lay it on me.

Well, when you left, I didn't know what to do with myself.

I ran around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to find something in

somebody to fill that void.

But now there is someone else.

There is? There is.

Someone that loves me and needs me.

Someone you gotta meet right now before we go any further. Honey, come out here,

please. Yes, Sugar Plum.

Negro, please.

Now, you know I was not talking to you.

Oh, that means you got another honey in there. I sure do.

What is it, Mama?

Mama?

A lot of things have changed since you went away. This is my daughter, baby.

Your daughter? Uh -huh. Well, she kind of tall for three years old.

Well, there's all them grits and everything, you know.

No, this is my adopted daughter.

Penny meets Frank Mason, an old friend. Frank Mason, Pennywood. Hi, Penny. Hi.

Did you see any Eskimos in Alaska?

Oh, sure. Lots of them. Do they really blubber?

Glover, Glover is very big in Alaska.

It's very big here, too.

Hey, Penny, where's those little round things with the holes in them?

He's so helpless without me.

Well, Lona, she's beautiful.

Yeah, baby, she is the best thing that's happened to me.

Okay, when do the three of us go down to City Hall?

You still want to marry me? Of course. I love you, Wilona.

And now that I've met Penny, I'm sure I'm going to love her, too.

Hey, we're going to have great times tripping around the world. But, Frank...

We'll have a ball. I've got contracting deals lined up in every corner of the

globe. Frank, I... Shh!

We'll go into town, we'll pick up the shots, passport, and marriage license

at the same time.

Ain't life a blip?

I've dreamed of traveling around the world. And now it's all going to come

I've got to think about Penny.

Well, what's to think about?

Wherever we trip, she trips.

Kuwait, Ghana, Marrakesh, New Guinea.

Oh, Frank, you don't understand.

Penny has been drifting all of her life.

Now, for the first time, she's got real roots and a place she can call home. I

cannot take that away from her.

Well, Lona, she'll love being on the move.

It's one wild experience after another.

That's just what that child does not need, another wild experience.

She has been through hell, honey.

Now, what she needs now more than anything else is stability.

Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Darling, don't you think that if I could offer you one home and one place, I

would? I got to travel. My life's out there.

Frank, you know I know that.

Isn't it ironic, you know?

If you had asked me this three months ago before Penny came into my life, I

would have jumped at the chance.

But now Penny needs me here.

And I got to stay no matter what the dues are.

I love you, baby.

But I can't marry you. Not right now.

So, uh, maybe you better take this back, huh?

All right.

Okay.

But I'm not gonna give up on you.

I'm gonna be in this town seven more days.

And I'm going to try my damnedest to make you change your mind.

I don't think you can, but I'm going to enjoy every second of you trying.

Right on.

I got a big surprise for you.

That's nice.

Aren't you going to ask me what the big surprise is?

Okay. What's the surprise? Frank is taking us out to dinner. We're going to

Fritz. Wait till you see the size of those steaks.

I like hamburgers. Honey, look at this. I think Frank will like to see me in

this.

Yes, your mama.

I should have worn my peasant outfit.

Did I wear that Monday or Tuesday? Oh, well, it doesn't matter. It's Frank's

favorite color.

You know, he called me six times a day at work talking a whole lot of nonsense.

And I said to him, want to see something in a soft, pink, satin jumpsuit? And he

said, yes.

Me. Ow!

Aren't you excited about going out tonight?

Uh, yes.

Isn't Frank the most fantastic man you ever met?

Uh -huh.

Well, I'm going to take a bath.

You pick out what you want to wear, and I'll find your matching ribbon, okay?

Okay.

boss sent me a detergent.

It's under the sink.

Yeah, Thelma used it all last night to blast them refried beans off the pot.

J .J., do you spell burden with an O -N or an E -N?

Well, that all depends, Penny.

See, you can use the E -N if you want to use the subject nomicate of the verb.

Sometimes the subject nomicate of the verb is not... is available, then that

calls for an adjective or phrase, which is another whole story altogether.

And then you have a predicate pronoun, which can be used once in a while if an

adverb is not around, you understand?

But then sometimes a nominative clause of the verb gets inverted with a

And then if you want to use the O -N, then that's another case altogether.

in there, and them aristers can hurt your hand when you're writing. You know

you make those little things in there, and then you throw a gerund in, and then

if you throw a gerund in with an arister, what happens? You get a

participle, and you don't want your participle to dangle.

So, but you can use all of these things if you use a W or a U, but this is only

in the case where it is followed by a Z.

Oh, eaten.

Uh, what are you writing anyway?

It's a secret.

A secret from the object of your main affection?

If I tell you something, will you promise you won't tell us all?

I promise.

Swear you won't tell?

If I shall blab, if I shall squeal, may I lose all of my sex appeal.

Okay.

I'm going to run away from home.

You're going to run away? What?

Dear Mommy, I am running away from home because I don't want to be a burden

anymore. Please go around the world without me and don't try to find me.

Love and kisses, Penny. P .S. I love you. What is all this about, Penny?

I'm in the way.

Penny, you're not in the way. You're not a burden.

Yes, I am too.

Mr. Mason wants to marry Mama and take her around the world.

And she wants to go.

Only she can't on account of me.

Whatever gave you that idea?

Well, I sort of heard Mr. Mason and Mama talking about it.

And that's why I'm running away.

Penny, me and you got a lot of talking to do here.

You'll just try to talk me out of it.

Oh, no, I won't.

Yes, you will.

You have that shifty look in your eyes.

My eyes are always shifty, Penny.

See, that's my style.

What's all this about?

Well, I heard Mama tell Mr. Mason that I needed Ruth and that he couldn't be

here because I was hurt.

Well, maybe she's just trying to dump the guy and using you as an excuse.

But she kissed him.

That don't mean nothing.

Plenty of my girls kiss me.

And that don't mean they love me.

Some of them don't even like me.

Many of them don't even know me.

just doing that to get me from leaning up against that door.

So I'll go on home.

Well, I think Mama meant it when she kissed Mr.

Mason. And we'll all be better off if I go away.

Oh, no, Penny. We'll only be heartbroken if you left.

She'll forget about me. No, she won't. She'll be miserable without you. All

mommies are miserable without their children.

You mean like your mama in Arizona?

Is she miserable without you?

Yeah, in a way, but it's a different story, Penny, because, see, me...

Thelma and Michael, we're big kids.

But see, you're only a little tiny morsel.

Under 18, a minor.

And see, if the policemen heard about this, they'd come take you away

immediately.

You're right.

Wow.

I guess now you know what you gotta do.

Uh -huh.

I'll lie and say I'm an 18 -year -old midget.

Or maybe I can borrow some lipstick from Thelma.

And that'll help me look older.

Thanks, J .J. You don't want to borrow any lipstick from them.

That'll make you like an orangutan.

Well, I guess we can talk this over over a long rinse cycle. What do you say?

Okay. I'll carry the detergent. No, no, no. That's much too heavy for you.

Here. Grab this. It's much better.

All right.

I'll get the door for you. I see you're struggling there. Let me get the door

for you. Come on.

Hey, Thelma, what's wrong?

Michael, I poured some of that Formosa punch down the sink, and the sink turned

orange.

And now I can't get it out.

Well, it'll be all right, sis. Hang in there.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Ms. Johnson.

What?

Oh,

Ms. Johnson, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh, man.

What? Whoa.

Maybe you got a bad can of Formosa Punch.

They're all bad.

Why don't you try a sandpaper?

Well, good luck, Miss Johnson.

Okay, bye.

She's really angry, Thelma. Michael, what happened? Did her sink turn orange,

too? No, her dentures.

Is Penny here?

No. No. She left this note.

I don't believe it. I think she's run away.

Run away? Oh, my goodness.

I can't.

Michael, look. You go downstairs and see if you can find her. Unless she's going

to get far.

A child is my life. If anything happens to her, I don't know what I'd do. Look,

nothing's going to happen. Everything's going to be fine. You stop worrying,

okay? Now tell me, what happened, okay? We got Trish. We were going to go out.

Then I found the note.

I thought she was gone.

I tried so hard to be a good mother.

I think I'm a failure.

No, you're not, Walona. You're not a failure. Everything's okay.

Maybe I was too strict.

No, no, no. You gave everything she wanted. You're right. You're right. I

too mean.

Hi, Thelma. Hi. Hi, baby. I tried your apartment. You weren't there.

You ready to go? Made reservations for 8 o 'clock. Oh, Frank!

I could change it to 9.

I can't find Penny. She's run away, I think.

Well, tell me what happened.

Well, I don't know. She wrote something about being a burden. I don't know

what's wrong. I don't know what I've done.

Okay, okay. Calm down. Now, have you called the police? Oh, the police? I

have called them the first thing. I didn't even call them. Okay, okay. Calm

down. I'm a crazy woman. She'll turn up.

See?

Oh, you mean you ran away to the laundry room?

How did you know?

I guess you read your little note.

You weren't supposed to until after I left.

Oh, baby, come here.

Why'd you try to run away? Aren't you happy with me?

Oh, yes, Mama.

But I thought you'd be happier without me.

And that way you could marry Mr. Mason and see the world and other swell

What gave you that silly idea?

The other night.

When we were talking?

Oh, oh, baby, I don't want to see the world. My world is right here with you.

But you love Mr.

Mason. You kissed him.

Three years ago, I loved Mr. Mason.

But the other night when we kissed, we both knew.

It was all over. Right, Frank?

Oh, right, right.

How come you wanted to marry my mama?

Well, for companionship.

That's right, just for companionship.

But I heard you say three months ago you would have jumped at the chance.

I would have jumped at the chance three months ago.

But three months ago, I didn't have you, baby.

Then I am in the way. Oh, Penny, come here, honey.

Now, three months ago, some other woman had said, I'm offering you a house and

security and love. Would you have jumped at the chance?

Yes. Would you do that now?

No. I wouldn't want to give you up.

Then I wouldn't want to give you up for anything in the world, baby.

You mean it? Oh, yeah.

Honest and true?

Honest and true.

I love you so much.

occasion. This calls for a swig of Formosa Punch.

Formosa Punch?

Yeah, look out.

I better go get dressed. I'm going out with Mama and Frank tonight.

Ah, Formosa Punch. Penny, I'll help you.

Uh, hey, y 'all, wait up for me. I'm gonna go to Jack in Box and talk to the

clown.

Well, this just leaves us, Frank and Walona, down some Formosa Punch.

J .J. Evans can take a hint.

If I have to drink this delicious stuff all by myself, I will.

I

guess

I'll have to put down another undecided.

I'd say this to you.

You are one beautiful liar.

And you are one beautiful mama, mama.

You do understand, don't you? Yes, baby. I understand.

Hey, and you know something?

You made the right decision.

It wasn't the right decision.

It was the only decision.

And I love you for it.

Hey, pretty, if I ever decide to settle down in one place, This has got to be

the place.

I'll try me again in three years, same time, same place.

You got a date.

Let's go get Penny.

Okay, but...

Just looking out of the window, watching the asphalt grow,

thinking how it almost made me die.

Good times, good times, keeping your head up for water, making a

wave.

Good times is videotape in front of a studio audience.

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