Original subtitles

Good time, anytime you need a payment. Good time, anytime you need a break.

Good time, anytime you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head up for water.

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good time.

Some of these personal ads sure do get personal.

Now, here's the man that'll pay $100 reward for the return of his dog.

No questions asked.

Oh, and here's another one that'll pay $25 reward for the return of his wife.

And a lot of questions asked.

Thelma, how come you're spending so much time fixing your face just to go to the

library? Well, Michael, you never know when you'll meet a guy who'll want to

take out something besides a book.

Well, that's true.

Instead of reading a horror story, he'll go out with one.

right buddy that's 12 12 what 12 times you hassled me since mine's been gone

hold on tell me you mean to tell me you've been keeping the hassle list now

that's a dirty lowdown riding what do you mean 13

and put down the comb because the Ebony Breadwinner has arrived home.

Hey, ain't anybody gonna ask me how the day at work went?

I'm glad y 'all asked.

Had a big business lunch with the boss.

Took me to one of those fancy restaurants.

La Grande de Maison La Cherbourg.

That's French for the hamburgers cost five dollars.

What's in the box, J .J.? Oh, glad you asked, Michael.

You know, as I was perusing my wardrobe, I came to the startling realization

that I was short of shorts.

I got one for each day of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,

Friday, Sunday.

Hey, what you gonna do for Saturday?

Hmm, guess I'm gonna have to live dangerously.

I'm surprised at you, Thelma. You should never look the gift horse in the mouth.

How can I? I always think of you as the other end of the horse.

Horse is more like orca, the killer whale of the ghetto.

Just for that, I'm not going to let you have this.

What you got there, Bookman? You got a CV going.

Hold on, Bookman. You were going to let us have a CV?

Out of the goodness of my heart.

Yeah, I would like to believe that, Bookman, except for two little details.

have no goodness and you have no heart.

You better watch it, J .J. Don't put your fingerprints on that, because that

.B. could also stand for citizen burglarized.

I'm appalled that you would think that.

Okay, fellas, I'll hand it to you straight. I'm in a bind. Look, you got

this C .B. until it heats off.

You're right, Michael. He swiped it. No,

man, I bought it. As a matter of fact, I'll be buying it for the next 36

You see, the heat is Mrs. Bookman. Hold on. You mean Mrs. Bookman is the fuzz?

Uh, only on her upper lip a little bit.

You see, the problem is, Mrs. Bookman caught me talking on the CB to a

And what's wrong with that?

The trucker's name was Flarn.

Not Ben Flarn.

Gee, why, you're in trouble. Hey, that's only half of it. She hit the ceiling

when she found out what my CB name was.

What do you call yourself, Bookman? Big Bad Buffalo Butt?

it's a name that's bugging Mrs. Bookman. It's to lie.

Now, that's a cold shot, but I need you.

Hey, J .J., man, do you know how to operate a CB?

That's like asking the Harlem Globetrotters if they know how to

well, let's check it out. Check it out.

Hey, remember, fellas, don't let anybody know about this, okay? I mean, Mrs.

Bookman think I'm getting rid of it, but this is all a little secret.

Okay, here.

Bookman, what you doing?

Nothing. Uh -huh, I know.

Uh, that's that, uh, CB radio you bought that's gonna take you three years to

pay off that your old lady get rid of because she found out you was sitting on

some chick. Ain't that right, superstar?

How do you know about that?

Uh, well, only got her own antenna.

Pardon me.

Now, I promise your mom I'm gonna look in on you. Let's count noses. There's

one, two.

Where is the other nose?

Thelma went to the library.

Oh, yeah.

to meet someone who might be interested in taking on something beside a book.

I've got to get home now and get Penny's dinner started.

I'll see you later, super tub.

He does have her own antenna.

Hey, Judge, will you show me how to operate this TV?

With my own pleasure, little brother, my own pleasure.

Fellas, take care of my little baby for me, okay?

See you, Michael.

All you got to do is just turn on this little switch here.

And? You're on the air.

Don't play that thing too loud or I'll have to evict you.

Mrs. Thompson, where are you, Lady Lou? Over.

Southbound on Loomis. Over.

Breaker 1 -6. Breaker 1 -6. Go ahead, Breaker. What's the handle? Over.

J -J.

J -who?

Uh, you take one J, and then you take another J, and that adds up to me.

J -J.

Tall, tan, good -looking, and the inventor of cool.

You have a sexy voice, Mr. J .J.

Well, if you think the voice is sexy, wait till you see the body that it comes

out of.

In time. Right now, I got the back on out. 10 -4, J .J.

10 -4?

Yeah.

Okay, Michael, now there you go.

All you got to do is whenever you go on the channel, just say Breaker, then give

your Breaker number, then give your handle.

I can't. Sure you can.

J .J., I know what to say on the telephone, but I don't know how to talk

CB. Hey, Michael, nobody expect you to be as glib as me. I mean, if they had a

contest, they'd nominate me for the Golden Tongue Award.

Just open your mouth and keep it flappin'. Hey, where you going?

Michael, I paid for Saturday, and I'm going to get Saturday.

JJ. JJ.

You know, you take one J, then take another J, put them both together, and

got me, JJ.

Hey, that's cool.

I don't recognize your handle. How long have you had ears?

Ears? They came with my head.

You're funny.

Hey, how'd you get the handle, fun girl?

Hey, well, then it's a sense that you're like me, because when you talk about

fun, I am the most.

How old are you?

I'm six times four minus two, which would give you an even 22.

You know, sometimes I wonder how I was able to squeeze so much charm into so

years. Hey, what do you do?

I am an artiste at an ad agency.

What do you do?

I'm a dancer.

Hey, what do you look like?

Let's just say I am blessed with the best. What do you look like?

But I gotta sign off now.

I'll be back on at 2100 looking for you, baby.

Roger and out.

Uh, roger and out?

Ow! Serious TV job.

Um, I bet you probably have a big date tonight, huh?

Wrong. Oh, well, isn't there anybody you want to go visit?

Mm -mm.

What about Lorraine Buchanan?

Oh, Michael.

Michael, I haven't talked to her in over two years. I'm kidding.

Well, Thelma, that's even a better reason to drop in and say hello.

What? Are you trying to get me out of the house? Who, me?

Whatever gave you that idea?

You. Well, if you are, forget it, because I'm tired and nothing's getting

of the house tonight.

Hi. Oh, hi. Me and Rolanda are going to bake a cake and I need two eggs. Hey,

I'll get them.

Hey, Thelma, why don't you help her?

Yeah, you know you're a regular genius in that kitchen.

Wait a minute. Now, Michael, you always complain about my cooking.

Well, you know, Thelma, lately it has been improving.

As a matter of fact, I haven't thrown up for over a month.

Uh, um, Michael, are you sure you're not trying to get rid of me? Who, me?

We need some flour, too.

Flour, all right.

Here you go.

And a cup of milk. Cup of milk.

One for the cake and one for me.

Here you go.

All I need is two cups. Oh, that's okay. Just take the whole thing and bring

back what you don't need.

And, um, do you have a cake pan? Cake pan. Um, hey, hold on. I got a better

idea.

Why don't you just borrow this?

Now, that's the kind of cake I like to bake best.

The one that came from the door.

Yeah. Thelma, you want to come and help us eat it? Yeah, that's a good idea. You

know, Thelma's even more of a genius at eating than she is at baking.

Okay, Michael. But nothing better not be going on around here. You hear me?

Okay, come on, Penny. See y 'all later. All right, then.

Oh, yeah, Chopper. I'd love to go dancing with you.

But, you know, I'm all dated up for the next three weeks. Or maybe it's four.

Over. I'm sure I ain't used to get together with you, fun girl.

Um, breaker one nine.

This is JJ, and I'm calling for fun, girl.

Sounds like a personal thing to me, so I'm gone. Moving out.

I really gave up on you, JJ.

I've been thinking about you.

I felt, you know, like we really kind of dig on each other.

Hey, baby, you know how it go.

You dig, I dig, together we're done.

Hey, I got an idea. How about you and me getting together sometime and weaving a

little magic spell?

Well, I'd like to know more about you first.

What more do you need to know except that I'm tall, good -looking, and the

inventor of cool?

What do you do at the agency, J .J.? I'm indispensable.

As a matter of fact, the boss takes me to all the big luncheon deals. Like

today, we had lunch at Le Grand Maison de Cherbourg.

That's French, but we get six bucks off hamburger.

Five bucks.

Um, yeah, J .J., man, I didn't expect you home so soon.

Yeah, I bet you didn't, little bro.

Say again?

Yeah, go ahead and say it again.

I can hardly wait to hear what J .J. is going to say next.

Stand by, fun girl.

What's all this about?

J .J., I was just kidding.

You know, fun girl doesn't even, she doesn't know either one of us.

Look here, Michael.

I have a tough enough time being me as it is, you know?

You can never be me anyway.

Now, look here, Michael. You get back on that horn and you tell that girl the

truth. Come on, J .J., man. You're not going to ask me to do that.

I'm not asking you. I'm telling you.

Otherwise, I'm going to have you arrested for impersonating a prince.

Are you still on, JJ?

Go ahead, Michael.

Fun girl?

Is that you, JJ?

Well, yeah, sort of. I mean, like, it is and it isn't.

It isn't.

I don't understand.

If you're not JJ, then what's your handle?

I really don't have one. My real name is Michael.

Older brother's all those things.

Older brother? How old are you?

17.

16.

You can't be very much if you have to pretend to be your brother.

Remember my handle, fun girl?

All that talk about taking me dancing, taking me for walks in the park, taking

me bike riding?

I hope you had fun funny me.

Hey, but fun girl.

Sorry, buddy. Off the air.

Mm -mm -mm.

They got a hamburger helper?

Tuna helper?

Uh -uh. Look at something new here.

Junk food helper.

Hey, well, Luna, I'm going to go bowling.

You think my pants are a little tight?

Honey, if they were any tighter, you'd have to wear them under your skin. Oh,

well, Luna.

Well, I won't be out too late. See you. See you, Mike. Yeah, all right. Bye.

Oh, Graham, come on, honey.

You've been moping around here like you were Farrah Fawcett and you discovered

you got a bald spot in the top of your head.

Still feeling down about Fun Girl, huh?

Yeah, Wilona.

You know, I only got a chance to speak to her on the CB a few times.

I really started to like her.

If only I hadn't pretended to be J .J. Amen for that.

Grams, honey, look.

You got a whole lot to offer, girl, just being yourself.

Yeah, name one thing. Well, you're conscientious, you're a good -looking

and someday soon you're going to be a handsome, fine young man.

But what's more important, you got a good heart, and I love you, baby.

Hey, Rihanna. What? You sure you didn't say that just to make me feel better? Mm

-hmm. That's why I said it.

But also because it happens to be true.

I'll see you later, sugar. Yeah, thanks.

Okay.

By the throat.

JJ, I surely hope I don't look like that when I get your age.

Michael, you're just jealous because you don't have a physique as good as mine.

Physique? JJ, man, if you didn't have varicose veins, you wouldn't have any

at all.

Michael, if I had known I was going to get insulted like this, I wouldn't have

bothered to get Fun Girl's name in a dress for you. You did that?

Hey, JJ, man, how'd you do it?

Very simple, Michael.

Come on, tell me. I just got on my CB yesterday, and I called Chopper, who

called Samson, who called the red rider over in Stickley.

He got in contact with the long ranger from Blue Island, who got in contact

Goldilocks from Oak Lawn, who got in contact with the raven from Melrose

who contacted all the CBs in Sissy Road.

All these dudes got in contact with Hot the Trop from Summit.

Hot the Trot got in contact with the Black Widow from the South Side.

And she relayed my message on to the pirate from River Forest, who knows Fun

Girl's cousin personally.

And that's how I got it. No trouble at all.

Now here's her name. It's Nancy Colton. Now you can go over there and apologize

and let her meet the real you.

Okay.

And after she meets the real you, you can apologize for that.

Calling Michael. Come in, Michael.

Come in.

Yes, what is it? Um, I'm looking for Nancy.

I'm Nancy Colton.

Same first name. I'm right first name, but must be the wrong apartment.

Hey, I'm sorry to put you through any trouble. That's okay. Yeah, right.

Bye.

Come on, Mad Trucker. Hey, thanks for the comeback there, good buddy. We're

heading for that Rock Island town. What's your handle? Get back.

My handle?

Oh, oh, oh, Bubbling Brown Sugar, but you can call me Bubbling.

10 -4 on the Bubbling. Hey, what's your 20? You a mobile or a bass? Come on.

Am I who?

Listen, if you're asking me if I'm home, yes. I don't know whether I'm a bass or

whatever you call that.

10 -4 or whatever you call that. I'll be back in Chi -Town tomorrow, don't you

know? What about you and me getting together?

Girl, you almost scared me to death.

You finish your homework?

Yeah, keep talking to me. Okay.

Bubbling brown sugar for the mad trucker, over.

Yeah, that's a big ten, Roger. I thought you backed out without signing off. Get

back. Well, you see, a friend of mine just came in.

Yeah, what's her handle? Come on.

Her handle? Uh, uh, the lady in red.

Oh, go ahead on the lady in red.

Hey, ladies, I got me a friend. What about the four of us getting together

doing what comes naturally? Get back.

How old is your friend?

Twenty -nine.

I'll let her tell you herself.

Hey there, lady in red. How are you, sweet thing? Come on. I'll be ten my

birthday.

But I'm very mature for my age.

I don't like it. I don't like it either.

Come on, kid.

Let's let Gramps work out his own uh -huhs.

Bye, Michael.

Uh -huh.

This is Fun Girl calling Michael.

This is Fun Girl calling Michael. Come in, Michael.

Uh, Fun Girl?

This is Michael. Where have you been?

I've been trying to reach you for over half an hour.

Are you okay?

Um, yeah.

Hey, I thought you were angry at me.

Well, I got to thinking that maybe the other day I was a little rough on you.

For a fun girl, I wasn't very much fun.

Hey, well, I had no business pretending to be someone that I wasn't.

Let's forget about all that. Let's start being friends all over again.

Hey, the other day you said you'd take me dancing. Did you mean it?

Dancing?

Oh. Oh, yeah, sure.

I'll take you dancing.

And I'll take you for walks in the park, too. Hey, how'd you like to go roller

skating? Oh, I... That's a good roller skating.

Hey, we can go skiing, too. How'd you like that?

Skiing sounds great.

We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?

Okay.

Well,

I see y 'all are friends again.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Michael, you don't have to thank me. You know what I mean? I mean, what are

big brothers for?

I don't respect any thanks.

Well, JJ, I got some things to take care of right now, so just leave me alone,

all right?

You're welcome.

I got you loud and clear there, fun girl.

Uh, Michael just took a hike. This here is JJ.

Oh, JJ.

I've heard a lot about you.

Indirectly. Let me tell you directly and very modestly that everything you've

heard is true.

Well, tell Michael I'll be rapping with him later. I got something on my mind.

Listen, why don't you come over and tell him in person?

In person?

Yeah.

I'll give it to your address.

Well, good work, troops.

Too bad y 'all washed those dishes up so quick. Just when I was going to give y

'all a hand.

We got a lot more left.

No, no. It's always been my motto. When something is going good, don't mess with

it.

I leave my hands free to handle the knock.

Yes, sir.

A rebar cattail.

Fun girl, this here is my sister, Thelma. Hi, how are you? And my brother,

Michael.

What? You... You were the one who came to my apartment.

And you knew about me.

You were going to take me dancing, skiing.

You didn't say anything.

You knew I couldn't walk.

You still wanted to be friends.

Well, you know... I put you down for pretending to be something you weren't.

And I was doing exactly the same thing.

I guess that's why they sell so many CBs.

Over the CB.

You could be whoever you want.

I'm sorry.

Wait a minute.

Where are you going?

I still want to be friends.

You do?

Yeah, sure. We can do a lot of fun things together.

I guess we could.

Hello, Michael.

Over. Hello, Nancy.

Over.

Well, I'm going to break out the Kool -Aid.

And get that cake you bake if you can lift it.

Michael, I got something to say. Well, JJ, if it's about my lying to you.

exactly what it's about.

Michael, you're a beautiful person, and I'm proud of you.

Well, you know, what can I say?

Just looking out of the window, watching the asphalt road,

thinking how it all looks and it dies.

Good times, good times, keeping your head above water, making a

wave when you can.

Temporary layoffs, good times, easy credit with a...

Good times is videotape in front of a studio audience.

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