Original subtitles

Good times, any time you need a payment. Good times, any time you feel free.

Good times, any time you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head up for water.

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good times, easy credit ripoffs. Good times, scratching

ass.

Exactly where the honeymooners are today.

Oh, yeah? Where?

Yeah, well, from my expert calculations, mine calls should definitely be in

Oklahoma City.

Or Amarillo, Texas.

Or Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Well, wherever they are, I sure hope they call.

Well, tell me, if you were on your honeymoon, would you call your kids?

Michael, if I were on my honeymoon, I wouldn't have any kids.

You're not going to have any sauce either because it's boiling over.

Oh!

and some lumps don't count.

The gagging gourmet strikes again.

Um, Michael, how would you like it if I didn't show at your school carnival? You

have to get somebody else to run your dumb old kissing booth.

Well, that's fine with me, because you can always be replaced by a Saint

Bernard.

I think you need one of the little girlfriends you go out with, don't you?

and what about them turkeys you date? Oh, Michael, don't start again. No, you

start with me. You think you're trying to... Michael, go answer the phone. I'll

get the phone. Yeah, you better get the phone. Get off my case today, sister.

Hello?

hassling.

Hey, Ma, wait, wait. Ma, guess what? I've been elected chairman of our school

carnival.

You're in Flagstaff, Arizona?

That's exactly where I said you were.

Hey, Ma, how's the honeymoon going?

Michael, you can't ask your own mother how her honeymoon's going.

She said, have mercy.

All right, let me talk, let me talk.

Hi, Ma.

Yeah, we're fine.

Uh -huh. How's Carl?

Uh... That's good.

Hey, Ma, you know you caught me right in the middle of cooking dinner?

Uh -huh. I cook dinner every night.

Honestly, Ma, we're fine.

Hey,

JJ,

Ma's on the telephone. That was the craziest little girl that got on the...

on the phone.

Hey, Ma, JJ just walked in. Here he is.

life treating you.

Ma says she felt the earth move.

That means she and Carla really in love.

No, there was an earthquake.

Yeah, Ma, everything's fine.

Don't worry, I won't miss my dental appointment next week.

Ma, you're on your honeymoon. How come you asked me about my dental

They're at the Grand Canyon.

Brother Jay on this end.

Hey, look here, Carl.

You left the ceremony so soon, we didn't have a chance to talk man to man. You

know, y 'all had ten cans and shoes tied behind the back of your car.

Hey, well, look here, Carl.

As the man who gave away the bride and as the number one son around here, I

that it is my duty to tell you this.

One of them pair of shoes was mine.

Give me the phone.

Hi, Carl.

Don't pay JJ no mind. You know, you just take good care of Ma and be happy, huh?

Yeah, we gonna miss both of y 'all. So have fun, all right?

Good. And if you think about bringing any little babies back in here...

Like she's really enjoying connubial bliss.

Nothing like two people connubialing together.

Hey, JJ, finish telling us what happened on the bus.

Oh, yeah, Michael. It was the funniest thing.

You know, this little girl gets in the bus. She don't have any money. This real

mean bus driver is going to throw her off.

Oh, that's funny.

Anyway, she looks at me with those real Mr. Blue City eyes and says... Mister,

could you loan me 50 cents?

Only I didn't have any extra change.

It gets funnier and funnier.

So anyway, I guess I really felt sorry for her, so I stood up and went to the

front of the bus.

Naturally, as soon as I stood up, some woman took my seat.

So anyway, I says to the whole bus as I'm standing there, I says, the rah -ha

-ha. Brothers and sisters, the ha.

I says, brothers and sisters, the rah. You see, Stan?

A sweet, innocent child about to be evicted into the cold, hard street by

mean, cold, sterile.

Are we going to

tolerate her? This act of pettiness. I personally say.

wait no hallelujah i want y 'all to ease

your hands down into those pockets purses and pants and come on with the

cat not the jingly abraham lincoln's in george washington i'm talking about the

benjamin franklin the grover cleveland and contribute to the salvation

of this little land

she collected so much money, Michael, she's able to take a cab home.

Even the bus driver chucked in a buck.

Oh, baby, you can be all right when you want to be.

Little girl was the craziest little girl in the world. Hey, this is probably

Wilona. She may have smelled the food.

Hi. Is he here?

Is who here?

I don't know his name, but he's tall, skinny, and beautiful.

Hold on now. Tall and skinny we got, but beautiful?

How'd you get here? I followed you. JJ, who is it?

JJ, what a super name.

It's a little girl from the bus.

Is there something you want?

leprosy in this country.

Leprosy's when your fingers fall off.

I thought I saw him lose a thumb.

Well,

uh, what happened to your forehead?

Oh, I was jumping rope.

Cinderella dressed in yellow.

Then I got hit by the knot in the rope.

Oh, what do you mean?

Esmeralda, you were so nice in the bus.

I want to live with you.

Yes, I can.

I'm not married either.

You're the most wonderful person in the whole world.

Yes, we all know this.

Look, we got to take you back to where you belong.

Can I belong with you?

I could sleep on the couch.

No, you can't do that, because, see, that's where me and Michael here sleep.

It'll be a little crowded, but I guess Michael can stay.

because if you do, I wouldn't mind being a guest.

As a relative, we would love having you, but what will the aunt say?

What aunt?

The aunt you live with.

Oh, you mean Aunt Priscilla.

I was thinking about Aunt Elizabeth.

Poor Aunt Elizabeth.

Something happened to her, too?

Never forget her lying there, all covered with melted butter.

Uh, uh, uh, why don't we have a little dinner?

Then you can tell us where you belong, and then I can take you home. Would you

like that?

Dinner? Uh -huh.

Going home?

Uh -uh.

Well, I gotta go wash up.

Where you going?

I wanna wash up, too.

Wash up doesn't mean wash up.

Then if it's all the same to you, I'll wait outside.

Hi, y 'all. Hi, Moana.

Girl, I am so beat today.

I couldn't even stay for dinner even if you asked me.

Even if you said pretty please and put some saccharine on it.

Even if you begged and pleaded.

Even if you got that on your...

Well,

you talked me into it.

Oh, well, well, well. Who's the girl to you?

Her name is Esmeralda. She followed J .J. home.

Oh, Lord, I remember the last time J .J. was followed home. It was by a cat.

Came in the house, went under the bed, and... You ain't gonna have no kittens

you.

We're just getting ready to eat dinner. I ain't got no time for small talk.

One of the new tenants reported a lost kid. Says she never showed up after

school. What's she look like?

Oh, she's about age about 10.

She's about 4 '7". She's wearing a red T -shirt, blue jeans, and white sneakers.

Anybody seen her?

Or, uh, what color socks?

What are you hiding, J .J., huh?

My booty, Bookman.

Well, your booty... he's wearing a red T -shirt.

Well, I'm glad I found you. I've looked everywhere.

You wouldn't have seen me if J .J. was fatter.

You should have hidden behind Bookman, Esmeralda.

Then you would have been lost forever.

Esmeralda? Her name is Penny.

Hey, you told us a fib.

Esmeralda's my play name.

My real name is Penny, short for Millicent. You know, cent, penny, get

yeah, I get it, honey. I sure do.

My ex -husband used to call me Willie. That's short for, Wellona, I'll be home

late tonight.

And Bookman here is Buffalo Butt.

You didn't tell us you lived in this building. And what were you doing

Um, uh, the school bus got hijacked.

Five kids jumped on the bus and said, Take us downtown.

Hold on, Penny. Wait, wait. You don't expect us to believe that.

Well, the truth is,

I went downtown to see an old Mae West movie, and I love Mae West movies.

Uh, you're not putting us on again, are you, Penny?

Well, it's the man of my life. It's the life of my man.

Those are my sentiments exactly, big boy.

Well, that's all.

well and good, but right now this little chickadee's got to go back where she

belongs. I want to meet JJ.

But you know you can't do that. Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Let me

this, okay?

Come here, little girl.

How would you like to go bye -bye with Uncle Nathan?

Huh? I'll buy you a great big wowie pot.

No way, Mr.

Buffalo Bass.

don't i take you home where you belong i guess so okay

i'm crushed mr buffalo

Penny can tell it better than I can. Oh, well, thank you so much, Mr... Evans, J

.J. Evans, I'm your neighbor upstairs.

Oh, I'm Mrs. Gordon, Lanella Gordon.

Oh, you must be Penny's aunt.

Her aunt?

Why, no, I'm her mother.

Oh, but Penny said that she... Well, Penny, she likes to make up stories.

I'm sorry, Mama, I won't do it again, I promise.

But tell her about the movies, you know.

It's not the men in my life.

Oh, Mr.

Evans. Oh,

maybe if I talk to your husband, we can straighten this whole thing out.

I'm not married.

Oh, but Penny said that she... Like I told you, she likes to make up stories.

Listen, thank you so much for bringing her home safe. Oh, yeah, sure. Okay. Bye

-bye.

Didn't I tell you to come straight home from school?

Yes, Mama.

But you disobeyed me, didn't you?

Yes, Mama.

You make me very unhappy, Penny.

And you know what happens to children that make their mamas unhappy.

I locked it.

I knew that would be the first place you tried to hide.

something's not right about Penny Wallona. He said she acted sort of

around her mother.

Yeah, and all those wild stories she told.

Well, of course, J .J. could be imagining things.

In any way, we couldn't get involved.

But on the other hand, Ma always said you should

never be reluctant to get involved when a child's well -being is at stake.

gave to our school carnival. Let's see. Ta -da!

Oh, come on. Nobody wants to pitch up Davis for a prize. Prize my foot. This

the perfect target for our dart game.

Let's see now.

Woo -hoo!

Great news.

Great news.

The Ebony Prince of Portitude has stormed the princess's castle.

Well, while you were storming the castle, I think you got smacked by...

I got this cute little receptionist, Charlene, to agree to reset with me

tonight.

Well, we are going out in style.

Hers or yours?

Well, she's got the van, and I am the man.

Charlene can't be too cool, because she's dating a fool.

No, no, no!

That did it. That did it. I just shortened your left knee.

Hey, has that silly little kitten around here today?

No. She sure is a cute little kitten. Yeah. You know, if I had a kid like

I'd probably kiss her and hug her and love her to death.

But I don't have a kid like that, so what am I talking about?

Well, I gots to hustle.

Turn around.

Now, my God, the hem is absolutely straight, but...

Oh, look at this doll. So cute.

Penny, why did you tell us you didn't have a mommy?

Oh, I was just pretending.

Oh, like your father having leprosy?

Oh, come on, Penny. Your son didn't really fall off, did he?

It could have been his nose.

He has a terrible time wearing glasses.

you with Charlene. I'll be Charlene if you want me to be.

Charlene's taller.

I'll be taller if you want me to be.

Charlene is my date for the evening.

Oh. Hey, Penny.

How'd you like to come to our school carnival tomorrow?

I can get you in for free. I'm the chairman.

Is J .J. going?

Well, I have deigned to grace the sophomoric event with my august

Does that mean he's going or not?

We're all going.

costume. As you can see, Thelma here wears her mask all the time.

Then I guess I can't go.

I don't have anything to wear.

Well, don't you worry about a thing. Wellona just happens to have a magic

costume room. I'll be right back.

Wellona, a costume room? Trunk of old clothes, honey.

JJ, you want to play house with me?

I don't think so, Penny. I'm a real dumbo when it comes to playing house.

Why don't you ask Michael there?

Uh -uh, Michael's got to play chairman. Besides, I have to stop down by

Ferguson's funeral parlor and pick up some folding chairs he's got down there.

Later.

Oh, come on, JJ, please.

All right, uh, Penny, but I'll play house with you, but just for a little

Okay. I'll be the mother, and you be the uncle.

Hey, Penny, do you have an uncle?

Lots of them.

Now it's time for the baby to go to sleep.

Say goodnight to Celeste.

later, Celeste.

Well, give her a kiss.

Do I have to?

You know something?

When it comes to playing half, you are a dumbo.

Now take her in your arms and rock her to sleep.

When...

that it stays hidden. Uh, this is my sister Thelma and, uh, our little

Penny. Hi, Penny.

He's mine.

I saw him first.

J .J., would you mind if we got started? We're late as it is. Sure, right away.

Uh, see you later, Thelma. All right. Goodbye, Penny. J .J., please don't go.

Uh, J .J., we're late.

I love you, J .J., I just love you.

Uh, yeah, Penny, uh, could I talk to you tomorrow?

Beautiful gown on you. Isn't that beautiful?

Thank you, Malone. It's so pretty, isn't it, J .J.? J .J., come on.

Yeah, in a minute. Yeah, it is pretty.

Want to see it, honey?

Hold it now.

First, we've got to take off your sweater. Don't go away, J .J.

Honey, what happened to your arm here?

I think I burned myself.

Hey, how could you burn yourself like that?

I tripped over my pizza can and I fell against the stove.

And there was a pot cooking with hot chocolate.

And it spilled all over my arm.

is marshmallows.

Uh, you never told us you had a pussycat.

Oh, I don't believe this. Now it's pets.

JJ, you coming or aren't you?

Look here, mama, you ain't double parked out there.

I mean, first things first, you can see Penny's hurting here.

So just take a number and wait in line.

Well, I never.

And at this rate, you never will.

Sorry, J .J.

That's all right. She was just your normal, everyday, groovy, foxy,

lady.

But you, kid, you're something special.

Oh, no!

Oh, my God, Penny, what... What happened to you?

Uh, I fell.

I always fall.

My feet are all thumbs. Come here, babe.

Now, um... Penny, I, um... I know that you like to pretend.

I want you to tell me the truth, okay?

Who burned you?

Penny, who beat you up? Who did those terrible things to you?

Penny, tell me, who did this?

Hello there.

I've come to take Penny home.

Honestly, Mama, I didn't tell them anything.

I didn't say a word. I didn't tell them anything.

Tell them about what?

What would you have to tell them?

Good time. Good time. Keeping your head above water.

Making a wave when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good time.

Good times is videotape in front of a studio audience.

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