Original subtitles

Good time, any time you need a payment. Good time, any time you need a free.

Good time, any time you're up and under.

Not getting handled, not getting hustled.

Keeping your head up for water.

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good time.

What is it, Wilona?

The boutique is taking on a line of men's clothes.

Oh, yeah, they look good on you, Wilona.

This ain't no man's suit. This is what the Korean lady is wearing.

Well, if that's what the Korean lady is wearing, I'm looking forward to seeing

John Wayne in a miniskirt.

This is for you, J .D., from the new men's line. Go try it on. You look great

clothes. Yeah, because he's built just like a coat hanger.

Thelma, now you know that's not true.

Thank you, Miguel.

broader shoulders.

Come on, sit down, Rolona, and catch me up on what's happening.

Oh, you mean you haven't heard any of the gossip?

No.

I've been so busy and what with the painters coming in tomorrow, I'm just

that time to keep up with things.

Well, get your head set for an air trip and find out what's been happening to

whom and when and where and how. Okay. Now, first thing on the agenda, remember

Jack Engelson?

Well, honey, he is fooling around with Evelyn Harris.

And to get even, Lily has been running around Arthur Carr.

Now, when Jack found out about Lily and Arthur, he left Evelyn Harris and took

up with Arthur Carr's wife, Sarah.

Right. Now, Lily was not going to take this lying down, so do you know what she

did? How should I know?

You're the one with all the gossip.

Hi, Carl.

Hi, Michael, Thelma.

Hello, Carl.

Florida.

Hi, Wallona. Hi. What brings you here in the middle of the day?

Oh, I thought if you didn't mind, I'd take Thelma, Michael, and J .J. out for

little lunch and for a little talk.

Who is mine in the store, honey? Oh, I closed it for a couple of hours. Oh, you

closed it, eh?

Oh, I just love going out for lunch. Michael, we go, please?

Of course.

Carl, where are we going?

Do you know the pump room?

You mean we're going to the pump room?

Almost.

You have to pass by the pump room to get to the burger pit.

Hey, JJ, come on out. Carl's going to take us out to lunch.

The look that is unique.

It's unique because it's being worn by a freak.

JJ, man, you look like a giant tootsie roll wrapped up in cellophane.

Michael, this was known as truth in advertising.

What you see is what you get.

Well, I hope I don't catch it.

really going to take that to lunch, are you? Hold it, honey. This is the latest

in high fashion.

You've got to be high to wear something like that.

You know, J .J., I saw something like that once when I was stationed in Paris.

See? It was in a very fancy part of Paris. See, Flo, I told you, honey. I

you. It was on one of those streets where all the designers have their shop.

Nothing but the very best.

It was in the garbage.

JJ, you better change if you're going to lunch.

I guess you're right, Ma. If I wore this outfit, I'd put the hamburgers to

shame.

Not with those buns, you won't.

Hey, Carl, what is it you wanted to talk about?

Oh, uh, it'll keep until we're alone.

Well, you know, since Thelma's gonna be there, we won't be doing any man talk.

Aw.

What kind of man talk goes on down at the shop?

Well, the usual. You know, like basketball, football, and sex.

You tell Michael about sex?

Certainly not.

Michael tells me about sex.

Well, Carl, what are you being so mysterious about?

I'm not being so mysterious.

There's no secret here.

I've got nothing to hide.

Okay. Then what do you want to talk to the kids about?

It is none of your business.

Oh, Carl, don't be such a tease.

Okay, okay.

You force me.

I have no other choice but to tell you.

Now, here's what it is. Wait a second.

I'm going to have to swear you to secrecy. Oh, hey. Larder, Larder, raise

hands. Oh, that's silly. Come on, come on.

Well, Lana, knowing you, you better raise both hands.

All right.

Repeat after me.

I hereby solemnly promise.

I hereby solemnly promise.

That I will not repeat one word.

That I will not repeat one word.

Of what I hear today.

Of what I hear today.

Keep your hands up. Oh, come on now.

Here's what it is. Now come closer.

I'm taking the kids to lunch. Yeah?

Where? Because it's lunchtime.

Go,

go.

Well, Lona, I think we've been had.

Bingo.

What do you suppose he really want to talk to the kids about?

You mean you haven't figured that out yet?

A little hint.

That's a catchy tune.

I'll give you one more hint.

Something old, something new, something borrowed. Carl's going to talk about our

furniture.

You know perfectly well what Carl is going to talk about. He wants to talk to

the kids about you and him and him and you and marriage.

How can you say that?

The signs have been out there for weeks.

The signs? Hi. Carla hasn't shown me any signs.

Not from him, honey, from you.

From me?

That's not so.

Then what about you inviting him to all those candlelight ham hock dinners?

I was just helping the president save on electricity.

Mm -hmm. And what about you sitting through the entire Chicago Bulls game,

including overtime?

Somebody's got to watch him.

What about you raising your hemline?

Oh, I did not raise my hemline.

Then you lowered your knee.

Well, Lana, you think that's really what it's about?

Oh, yeah, the way you two have been acting, of course that's what it is.

This is just so sudden.

No, it isn't. So listen, you're an attractive, intelligent woman. You've

whole lot to offer, Carl.

He's a good -looking man, owns his own business. He'd make a fantastic catch.

And if you really don't want the money, pass him over.

Well, no, no.

Flo, do you like the man?

Of course I do.

Do you like him a lot?

You know I do.

Flo, do you love the man?

You know, most of us get one shot at happiness and you got two.

And I can't think of a person that deserves it more.

Thank you.

One,

that you are right.

And two, that Carl don't put any onions on his hamburger.

You're on your third hamburger, and you still haven't told us what you wanted to

talk to us about.

Oh, I haven't, huh? No.

Okay, kids.

Here's what I have to tell you.

It's the most important thing I've ever said in my life. Uh, Carl, could you

pass the ketchup?

Now, you know how I feel about you, and I suppose you suspect how I feel about

your mother. Uh, gotcha. Can I get some of them onions, Carl?

Thank you, brown man.

Okay, kids.

Now, what I have to say... and how you accept it can change the course of our

lives forever.

Oh, Carl, can I get those big oodles?

Here we are.

It's important that you listen, that you listen closely.

Are you going to eat that tomato? Thank you, Carl.

Now, this isn't easy for me to say.

Oh, Michael, are you going to eat that lettuce thing? I love your mother and I

want to marry her.

Check this thing out.

Let me see.

No, no, no, no. That ain't no diamond.

That there's a ruby.

Okay, okay, kids.

Now I have one stop to make.

But I'll be by the house around seven.

And if you dare tip anything to your mother, I'll burn your butt.

Now, wait a minute, Carl.

She didn't say I do. And until she does...

Our butts belong to Mama.

We're going to invite Aunt Isabel, Cousin Paul, and Great Uncle Lamar.

Hold on, J .J. Great Uncle Lamar's been dead for over two years.

In that case, we won't seat him up front.

Now, we have 114 people coming to this wedding, and Carl has not made this

official yet now.

Children.

What time is it? Uh, two minutes to call.

What? He means two minutes to seven.

Oh, well, I better get with Lorna. Hey, Mom, where you going?

Where you going?

Well, Lorna and I are going to a movie.

You can't go.

Why can't we go?

Well, of course, see, you already saw the picture.

J .J., this is nonsense. We're going to see King Kong.

Oh, Mom, you can't go because you have to prepare for the painters tomorrow.

They're coming, right? You know? Oh, Mom, what do I have to do to prepare for

the painters?

Oh, you got to scrub the wall. You don't want the painters to think that you're

a sloppy housekeeper.

Sit down.

Now, I'm going to tell you all the story of King Kong and save you all a 350

admission price.

Hey, here's your popcorn.

Now, dig this.

Monkey meets girl, monkey loses girl.

Monkey goes to America, finds girl again.

Monkey loses girl, monkey finds girl.

Now, you see, it's just a movie about the lost and found.

Monkey climbs on top of building. Monkey loses, girl.

Final score, Helicopters 5, Monkey Z -hole.

Everybody sends flowers except the girl who sends a bunch of bananas.

Now that that's done, let's go see Rocky.

Oh, I'll get this.

We were just about to leave.

Florida, I'm glad I caught you before you left. I have something important to

say. Dum, dum, da -dum.

Why don't you sit down here and wait for Carl.

Whatever he has to say.

Here, Carl, would you like a pillow so you won't hurt your knee when you say

whatever it is you have to say?

Whatever it is Carl has to say should be said in private.

So, Michael, Walona, Doma, go into the room. Come on, kids.

You call me kid.

That makes all the difference in the world.

Well,

now that we've gotten rid of the young ones... Hey, you!

Florida. Come over here and sit down.

No, no, I can say what I have to say standing up.

All right.

Florida. Yes, Carl?

I... I've been struggling with myself to be able to say this.

Yes, Carl?

I don't think we should see each other anymore.

I... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Goodbye.

Because, you know, I always cry at weddings, especially when they ain't

Hey, where's the bridegroom?

Let me see that ring, Mom. Let me see, Flo.

Where's the ring?

Wait a minute.

He left.

He left?

Hold on, Ma.

Don't tell me you turned him down.

No, Michael.

He turned me down.

It's no joke.

He said we won't be seeing each other again.

Well, Flo, he gave you some kind of explanation.

I mean, he... Nothing, nothing.

Well, he's going to have to give me some kind of explanation. J .J., where are

you going?

Ain't no man going to treat my mama like this and walk away from it. J .J., stop

that nonsense.

Wait a minute. I don't understand this. You see, at lunchtime today...

He said he was going to ask you to marry him. Yeah, Ma, and we said yes.

That's right. I was going to give the bride away, Michael was going to be the

best man, and Thelma was going to be the maid of horror.

You know, Ma... Wait, Ma, I don't understand all this. I really don't

this. Maybe he's got cold feet.

Cold feet?

After what he did to your mother, he could hang meat in here.

Ma, I'm so sorry. It's all right, baby. It's all right. I'm sorry, too, Flo.

Here, I'm going with this dum -dum -da -dum. What a dum -dum I turned out to

Doug. It really doesn't matter.

It does matter. I'm going to handle Carl my way. J .J., you stay here.

Now, you're not leaving this house.

Well, Ma, the Evans family owner's on the line. If you go after Carl, your

life's going to be on the line.

Ma, Carl wouldn't hurt J .J. No, but I will.

Flo, honey, let's get some coffee, okay? Sit down.

I'll make dinner for you.

I'll make some popcorn.

I'll make something for you to eat. What do you all think you're doing?

I am not a two -year -old child. Just look at you. You're all acting as if I'm

coming apart at the seams.

I can handle this.

Now, Wilona, you and I were going to a movie. Let's go.

All righty. And tell me while we go, and I want you to make some egg salad for

lunch. And, J .J., remember what I said.

You stay here and behave yourself.

And as for you, Carl, I want you to...

Did I say

Carl?

Well,

that's it for me.

What are you going to do?

I'm going out and find Carl. When I get my hands on that sucker, he's going to

know he's been in a fight.

No, no, no thanks.

Come on, man. I'm buying.

No, no, no thank you.

Look, you don't want to see me drink alone, do you?

Well, now if you put it like that, I'll have a little sucker.

One muscatel coming up. Now this time, make it scotch. One scotch coming up.

With muscatel chaser.

This is mighty nice of you, my friend.

Well, you bought the last one. No, no. You bought the last one.

In that case, this is very nice of me.

You are looking at the Tiffany of the

streets.

Demologist by appointment to the Board of Aldermen.

Look at my line. It's really fine.

If you got the money, I got the time.

So don't dance off to JCPenney when you can buy great goods from Sweet Linda.

Hey,

brother.

You in the market for anything?

inch TV set.

TV? If I'd have known that, I would have worn my other coat.

J .J., don't sweet -talk me, Carl. I come to invite you to Knuckle City,

brother. Come on, have a drink.

Well, I'd make that another scotch, and thank you.

Don't turn your car. Get set for a hassle, brother.

J .J., sit down.

I just said to myself, so?

If I had done something to my mama like you had done something to my mama, where

would I hide?

So you came here?

No, first I went to the Pussycat Theater.

You looking for me?

Well, yes and no.

I took my dog to the Pussycat Theater once.

J .J., if you didn't come here to be sociable, get lost.

Not till I have my...

away from it. J .J., I'm not a fighter.

I'm a drinker.

Come on, Carl!

All right.

I don't want to have to do this, but you're interfering with my drinking.

I want to give you a warning, Carl.

These fish are registered with the police as lethal weapons.

My dog is registered with the police department.

He got busted in a raid at the Pussycat Theater.

explanation i i have to think about it either that or we tangle again what we

tangle again i need a drink first bartender double and i think you better

one too oh uh about your mama

when i was in the basic training i had

a very rough experience yeah i heard about the They serve you guys. No, no,

What I mean is during the war in Korea, I was wounded.

But you said it was done basic training.

Well, whatever, whatever.

I was wounded in a very

vital place.

You can see?

I mean, what kind of womb could be that serious that could affect your

relationship with my mother?

When I saw you kids this

afternoon, I thought I could deal with it, but then I decided it wouldn't be

fair to your mother.

I see what you mean.

We'll keep this to ourselves, okay?

You got it, bro.

Say, JJ, would you do me a favor?

Yeah, Ned.

Would you walk me to the corner and point me in the direction of the S &B

Bakery? You see, they keep them ovens going all night long.

Makes good warm sleeping in the alley.

Anyway, I'll be right back.

Bartender, another round for everybody.

Oh, well, not in that case.

Not right now, Ned. You better go, otherwise somebody will take your spot

alley.

Hey,

Carl, what kind of jive deal were you laying on that kid?

Now, I've known you a lot of years, and you were never wounded.

Yep.

But it sure as hell beats telling him the truth.

What truth?

Yeah, I went to the doctor this afternoon.

And he really laid one on me.

Answer.

Just looking out of the window, watching the asphalt glow.

times as videotape in front of a studio audience.

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