Original subtitles

Good time, any time you need a payment. Good time, any time you feel free.

Good time, any time you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head up for water.

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good time, easy credit ripoffs. Good time.

Oh, let me see.

How about this one?

Ma, this is your first date with Carl.

That don't show enough.

Oh, that one don't show enough. This one shows too much.

How much am I supposed to show?

Just enough to start him looking, but not enough to get him cooking.

What a date.

Oh, Ma, we've known Carl ever since Michael started working for him. He's a

guy, and you're going to have a lot of fun.

You're right, honey.

I'm just being silly.

It's just a date, right?

I'm going to call it off.

Oh, Ma, hold it, Ma. Now think about what you're doing. A man like Carl is

easy to find these days.

That's right, Ma.

Especially at your age.

I mean...

that you ain't no spring... What I'm trying to say

is... See, I don't know exactly how to put it.

Suppose I tell you exactly where to put it.

See, boy, you got to think about the future.

I mean, us kids ain't going to be around forever.

Pretty soon, Michael's going to be going off to college.

I, no doubt, will be forced to marry one of my... admiring groupies.

And then we'll be walking down the aisle with our husband and his C &I dog.

And then, Mark, you'll be left here all alone, standing to the

fireplace, sitting in your rocking chair, rocking back.

for sweet Louis.

Sweet Terry.

Will you stop it?

Hey, Flo, have I got the finishing touch for your thing tonight.

Take a whiff of that. Nice.

It's called Evening in Barcelona.

Smells more like rush hour in Cleveland.

Well, Lana, I can't take it. Flo, take it. There's nothing too good for Carl,

honey. You got yourself a stone window.

Looks, personality, and owns his own business. Girl, you couldn't find a

dude if you had tried.

Well, Lana, I'm not going out tonight.

That turkey ditched you?

No, the turkey didn't do the ditching. The chicken did. Oh,

Flo. Well, Lana, I didn't do anything yet. You know, dating is easy for you.

I haven't been on a date since before James and I got married.

Oh, I know that, honey, but men haven't changed. They're still the same, just

like little old puppies.

Like you to scratch their ear and rub their tummy.

Hey, man, now as a prime example of American manhood, I resent being called

dog.

JJ, go chew on your milk bone, please.

Dumber I would, but it fell into your water dish.

Flo, you gotta see this through. You come this far, honey. Well, you know me,

Rolona. I couldn't break a date this late anyway. Hey!

Welcome to the wonderful world of dating.

What am I doing?

Look at the time.

I better get dressed.

Okay, Noma. Now, take it easy. Don't be nervous, you know. And take the advice

that you gave me on my first date, okay?

Noma, I don't even remember what I said.

Okay, you said, don't be nervous, don't try too hard, and don't let them touch

you below the neck. Oh.

Is Ma ready yet?

Almost. Where's Carl?

He'll be here.

Hey, Thelma, what's taking her so long? Carl's going to be here in a second.

Well, that's okay. She's putting on her makeup now. She's getting ready.

Makeup? I don't understand why women have to put that junk all over their

Michael, in most women's cases, it's to bring out the natural beauty.

But in Thelma's case, it's to cover up the scene of a crime.

You two can't spend two minutes together without having a fight.

Now, J .J., you know Thelma's a beautiful -looking girl.

And Thelma, you know J .J.'s a handsome dude.

And if y 'all both believe that, you're dumbing in our thoughts.

Hold on. I'll get it. That must be Carl.

Hi, Carl.

Hi, Michael.

Kids. Hi.

Hey there, Carl.

You're looking pretty sharp in those threads there, bro.

Tell it to the militant midget.

He's the one that made me get all duded up.

I think you look real nice, Carl.

Thanks, Thelma.

Carl, Mom'll be out in a minute.

No hurry, Michael.

They're not going to run out of food at the burger pit.

The burger pit?

Hey, Carl, my mother's in there getting dressed up to go someplace tonight.

Well, what's the matter with the burger pit?

Well... When my mother goes to a restaurant, she likes to feel the

not smell it.

You know what the kids at school call the burger pit?

Jack in the grease.

Jack in the grease.

She's getting all dressed up, huh?

Well, maybe we'll go somewhere else.

Uh, Carl, do you have to smoke? She hates the smell of cigars. That's right.

Good idea, Thelma.

Carl, you have a spot on your shoe. Yeah, and your tie is crooked. Hey,

going on here, Eddie?

Who am I? Who am I taking out, your mother or the whole family?

Well, now that you mention it, Carl, I just happen to be free tonight.

I don't care if you are free tonight, tomorrow night, or any night. Give me

my cigar.

Well, a simple no would have been sufficient.

Carl,

we really don't mean any harm. It's just that my mother doesn't like to... Mama

doesn't this, mama...

Who am I taking out?

Florida Evans, the patron saint of Disneyland?

Close.

Yeah, he's a little bit sassy, a little bit cutie. Here come your mama. Ain't

she a beauty? Ta -da!

Hello,

Carl. Oh, Florida, you look great. Just great.

Thank you, Carl.

Looking mighty handsome yourself.

Well, since we're both...

Gorgeous. Why don't we go eat? I'm all set.

You're looking good, child.

I will. I'm going to try.

Good night, everybody.

Wait a minute there.

Just one thing before y 'all leave.

Now, I know y 'all are both responsible people, and Carl, I know I can trust

you. I got one rule around here.

Now, see, if you're going to date Mom...

You must have her in before 12 o 'clock.

What did you say, J .J.? 12 .30.

I'm telling you, having kids is easy.

It's raising them that's impossible.

I got a feeling J .J. was the toughest.

He had a personality of his own, that's for sure.

Now, with Michael and Thelma, it was easy.

Their first words were, da -da.

Not so with J .J. His first words were, hello, dear mama.

You know, somehow I can't imagine J .J. as a newborn baby.

Just picture a breadstick with ears.

Steak's ready. We've been waiting a half an hour. Should be ready any minute,

sir. Well, I hope so.

Oh, Carl.

I had no idea we were going to go to such a beautiful restaurant.

Hey, where'd you think I was going to take you? To the burger pit?

Carl. Yeah?

Can I ask you a personal question?

Of course you can.

Nah, better not. It's too personal. It's none of my business. How come you never

got married?

Well, I was engaged once before I went into the army.

But when I came back, she run off with my best friend.

That's some best friend.

Oh, I didn't even know him.

But when I ran into him a couple of years later and I took a good look at

realized that guy had to be my best friend.

These are our steaks. Oh, they sure look good, don't they? Best in the house.

What's going on here?

We were here before them.

It's okay, Carl.

But those are our steaks.

No, yours are still on the grill.

I want to talk to the maitre d'. I don't see him right now.

Sure, he's probably in the kitchen eating our steaks.

Is there anything else I can get you, sir?

Yes, a telephone. I can get faster service ordering takeout.

Wait, really? But we've been waiting all night.

We're in no hurry.

It's a nice, comfortable place, and it feels good to just sit here and talk.

Besides, yelling won't get the food here any faster.

Yeah, I know, Florida, but I just hate to be taken advantage of.

Ah, these must be ours.

Mmm, boy.

Did you see that? I know we were before them.

There's no need to yell. I don't believe this. While we were eating our salads,

those people were still home in the shower.

I'm sure they're going as fast as they can.

Well, well, well, here we are.

Well, well, well, it's about time.

We were just going to pour steak sauce on the flowers and take our chance.

Doesn't this look delicious?

See, you got all up. that for nothing.

A beautiful meal like this was worth waiting for.

Oh. What's the matter?

Oh, nothing.

Everything's just perfect.

Oh, something's wrong.

You ordered that steak rare and it's well done. Waiter! Oh, Carl, please.

It's all right this way. Look, Florida, I'm still in the habit of believing that

when I pay for something, I should get what I order. Waiter!

know how it is when they get busy. Is that why it took the steak so long? You

could have knit it one faster.

Well, a good restaurant takes time to cook the food right. But they didn't

it right. They overcooked it.

Well, you know, it's hard to tell when a steak is done.

You're incredible.

You'd make excuses for anything.

You would apologize for Watergate by saying, well, it gave work to the Cuban

unemployed.

Why are you taking it out on me?

Because the waiter's not here and I've got to take it out on someone.

Oh, don't make a scene, please. I'd rather just eat the steak. Is something

wrong, sir? Yes.

This lady refuses to eat a steak like this. Take it back.

Honest, it's all right. Just leave it here.

I said take it back. And I said leave it here.

If I were her, I'd keep the steak and send him back.

What's the matter with you?

With me?

I'm not the one who's been yelling all night.

No, you're the one who's letting people walk all over you. The service here

stinks.

Everyone is entitled to a few mistakes. There you go again.

There is no reason for being loud, stubborn, and rude.

Oh, I didn't know we were talking about my faults. Now maybe you'd like to know

about yours.

Mine? Know what the trouble with you is? You want to really know what the

trouble with you is?

You are perfect.

The most... What were you going to say?

You mad at me? Why don't you yell at me?

With all these people around, it wouldn't be polite.

Okay, if I'm loud, rude, and wrong, why don't you just walk out?

I wouldn't do that.

Oh, no, you wouldn't. You are perfect.

Thank you, sir. Not for you. Will you call the lady a cab?

And I hope you have a perfect ride home.

Well, that's it for me.

Uh, J .J., now, I worked very hard for this dinner, and you barely touched it.

I touched it enough to know I ain't gonna touch it again.

Oh, come on, J .J., now, what's wrong with the chicken?

Thelma, that's hard to figure out without an autopsy.

Uh, Michael, would you like a second? No, thank you, Thelma. I'm already

seconds for my first.

I couldn't even bother to fix them for you anymore.

You don't appreciate nothing?

That's right. Don't fix nothing for us no more, Thelma.

Look here, Thelma. The chicken is supposed to be so good.

How come you didn't eat any of it?

Well,

you know, you see, J .J., I'm on a diet, right? You know, and I can't have any

gravy.

Chicken's only swimming in gravy. And look what happened to him.

Thank you, Thelma.

But if I wanted to know the time, I would have consulted a cuckoo.

All right. J .J., what time is it?

Hey, Ma. What happened? Where's Carl?

Don't mention that man's name.

Uh -oh. Something must have happened. Nothing happened.

So that's it, huh? He didn't light your fire.

That is not it.

Why, you only been gone an hour and a half.

The only time I came home that early from a date was when a guy tried to...

Light your fire. Try to get fresh.

Anybody would think we're roasting owls in here.

Ma, I don't believe it. Carl wouldn't do a thing like that.

He didn't, Michael.

And that's all any of you need to know about it.

Look at this mess.

Ma, what is this pot of water doing here?

Oh, Ma, I was going to boil some eggs because I kind of burnt the chicken.

Kind of burnt it? Girl, you crazy. made it.

The dear departed bird has requested that his ashes be spread over Colonel

Sanders.

Mom, are you and Carl still friends?

Michael, that discussion is over, through, finished.

And the next person that mentions that name is going to get a lick upside his

head.

Nothing, nothing.

So what were you doing back there early?

Did something go wrong?

Or did you and Carl have a fight?

Tell me all about it. Well, Lona, I don't want to tell you. I don't want to

anybody. I don't want to talk about it.

You know you are 100 % right. If you don't want to talk about it, don't talk

about it.

None of my cotton -picking business know how.

You ain't got to tell me everything that goes on in your life.

I can respect someone else's privacy.

Flo, if you don't tell me, I'm going to die.

All right, Belona, you're right. We had a fight. He called me some names and

then walked out on me.

Oh, a little love of spat, huh?

Well, you know, that ain't no big thing. It's all part of the dating game.

I've been called thousands of names in my lifetime.

What'd he call you?

He said I was...

Hold on a minute.

Perfect sounds like a compliment to me.

Well, that's not the way he meant it.

Oh, so having a fight on your first date? Well, sometimes that happens,

Well, Lona, it was a nightmare.

The whole evening Carl was complaining about the food, about the service, about

the table.

It was just embarrassing.

After a while, I just told him he was being rude.

And that's when he yelled at me and said that I was perfect.

Isn't that something? Can you imagine? Would anybody think that I don't do

anything wrong, that I'm perfect? Isn't that ridiculous?

Well,

well, well, isn't it?

Ma, we love you, and you're wonderful, but sometimes you do act like a little

Miss Goody Two -Shoes.

Goody two -shoes.

I was only trying to do what is right.

Hey, well, Ma, that's the problem. Everything you do is right. I mean,

makes mistakes, you know?

Michael here doesn't want to do his homework.

Thelma burns up the meal.

If you can believe this, even I make an occasional faux pas.

That was my best platter.

I'm sorry, Ma. It was an accident. Well, I'm glad.

Because if you had done it on purpose, you'd tear up everything in this house.

You're as clumsy as an ox.

You've got about as much grace as a ten -ton truck.

Now clean up this floor.

Flo, I want to ask you something.

That place that Carl took you to, was it really nice? It was beautiful.

Expensive?

Flo, was the service really that bad?

Worse than that.

It was rotten.

even worse than the table and the food.

Oh, then I can understand why Carl made a fuss.

Just like you made a fuss with JJ.

Oh, that's not the same thing.

You act different in public than you do in private.

But, Ma, you're always telling us to be ourselves.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, but not in public.

What I want to... Flo,

honey, Flo, what we're trying to say is... Carl was standing up for his

in that restaurant.

You know, he was being himself. You were hiding your feelings, you know, and

making him maybe look a little foolish.

Oh, I don't do that to people, do I?

Would you like to hear a vote from the floor?

I hate to say it, but sometimes you do, Ma.

But, but, Thelma, he walked out and left me. Honey, no. want to say that carl

was right to do that but i'm just suggesting that maybe you and carl both

little something to apologize for you know you're right belona we do

i'm gonna call him right i'll get it

all right michael

walking around and I've been thinking about what happened.

Will you let a stubborn jackass say he's sorry?

Only if you will.

Sometimes I let my temper get the best of me. Oh, Carl.

It wasn't all your fault. I really... Well, Lana, do you think the kids can

watch TV over at your place for a little while? Oh, sure.

Now, let me answer the key.

Must. I was so nosy. Out, out, out.

Well, aren't I?

Oh, oh, sure.

Hey, hey, you know me.

No one has ever accused me of being nosy. Right, right. I'll see y 'all

Okay. Now, where were we? Well, she was about to apologize because she wrote...

Well, no, no.

You know, Carl, what I really wanted to say was... Lorna, I don't... want to

hear another word about it. Want to forget the whole thing and start the

night all over again.

Does that include dinner? Because I'm starved.

You bet it does.

From now on, you're going to see a different Florida Evans.

No more Miss Goody Two -Shoes. Tonight, I'm going to do something really, really

rotten.

That's the spirit, Florida. It'll do you a world of good.

Carl? I meant to tell you earlier.

That is an ugly tie.

You're right.

Let's go eat. Wait a minute. That was supposed to be rotten.

Lord, you're rotten at being rotten.

Well, I tried.

Come on.

Wait a minute, Carl.

Since you're here and since you're so good at fixing things...

Why don't you take a look at our sink?

Okay, what's wrong with it?

Uh, I don't know.

Something seems to be wrong with the drain.

Well, let's have a look.

You certainly ain't perfect.

Just looking out of the window, watching the asphalt grow,

thinking how it all looks and it dies.

Sometimes it's videotaped in front of a studio audience.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0