Original subtitles

Good time, any time you need it, baby. Good time, any time you feel free.

Good time, any time you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head above water.

Making a wave when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good time.

Jabbar shoots.

Otis Gilmore grabs a rebound. Feeds up to Scott May.

May's gone up the middle. Dribbles around Lucius Allen.

Fakes Kermit Washington out of his shorts and slam dunks. And Chicago goes

All in the man's face.

Hey,

Mom, we're watching the game.

Oh, I'll give you the game.

Florida Evans has a dust cloth in her hand. She wipes it over the TV, sweeps

around the table, and cleans the phone right off the hook.

And she's going to slam dunk her kids if they don't get up off the bench and get

their butts into gear.

Sorry, Ma. We didn't see you doing all the work.

Don't sorry Mama me.

Now, the next time you see me cleaning house, it'll be on television on dusting

for dollars.

So you won't miss it.

Now, get busy.

All right. Tell me you get the dishes in the bathroom.

Michael, you do the dusting. All right.

Well, Ma.

Oh, how about a pillow for your head?

I didn't even think of that.

And one for your little footsie. Oh, that's lovely.

Good.

Are you comfortable now, dear?

Oh, yeah, well.

That's great.

Can you do something with that bag of bones besides feeding it? Oh, yes, sir,

Ma. Yes, sir.

Oh, that looks funny. A broom pushing a broom.

And as for you, Miss Black Lethargy of 77, I want you to stop running your jaws

and get busy.

Ma. What?

I just wanted to say I agree with you.

If that ain't Muhammad Ali, he'd be wise to stay out.

You keep cleaning.

Hi, Mrs. Evans. Nice day, isn't it? How do you want it? You know that leaky

faucet in your bathroom?

The one that's been going drip, drip, drip, drip, drip for weeks?

Oh, yeah, I know that leaky faucet in the bathroom.

The whole world knows that leaky faucet in the bathroom.

Well, I'm here to fix it for you.

Then where were you when I reported it six weeks ago?

Yeah, Bookman! Shut up, J .J.

Just saving you the trouble, Ma.

Yeah, I'm sorry it took so long. The washers were out of stock.

Everything is out of stock around here, you old... What's that name the kids

call you?

Buffalo Butt.

Bingo.

Devis, you know, I came up here as a friend who cares. You know, out of the

spirit of helpfulness.

And you sound as though you don't like living in this building.

How dare you threaten to evict us? I didn't threaten to evict you. That's

Now, the next time you say it, I'm going to evict you through that wall.

Ma, at the risk of life and limb, can I say something? What?

Thelma ain't working.

Why aren't you working? Let's remind you, business is sweet. All right, shut

both of you.

The only thing that's working is your jaws.

you can go and fix the faucet.

If you can squeeze your butt through that bathroom door.

Come on, Mrs. Evans. Now, I came up here as a friend, and all you've done is

abused me.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to leave.

And you can spend your evenings with that faucet going drip, drip, drip.

Drip.

Look, I'm going to go and get ready for work.

So I want you all to get busy.

And I want to see some smoke out here.

This is ridiculous.

I said smoke.

You know, I've been a member of this family for many, many years.

And I can never remember Ma in such a bad mood.

I remember the time Ma bored me out when I failed geometry for the third time.

I remember when she grounded me for staying out late.

That ain't nothing. I remember the time when she took a piece out of me for

playing basketball in my new shoes.

Yeah, those were the good old days.

Yeah, something must be really bugging Ma. She's never been this cranky before.

Maybe she's going through the change.

Yeah, if she is, it sure ain't a change for the better.

That's the fanciest outfit I've ever seen for swatting flies.

This is a tennis racket.

I'm going on vacation next weekend to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, honey. Where the

elite meet and raise their glasses and look down their nose at the lower

classes. Hey, where's your mama?

She's inside getting ready for round two.

Well, only if you're smart, you'll go on your vacation right now.

Yeah, and take us with you. Now, what are y 'all talking about?

Ma's in a rotten mood.

mood. Your mother, you've got to beat your husband. She is the dearest,

sweetest, most lovable woman you ever met in your life. Oh, hi,

Flo.

Get lost.

If she gets any more lovable, she won't be worth living with.

Flo, like my outfit?

Ha ha ha.

Little fancy for swatting flies.

Flo, I'm going on a vacation.

Why? I'm going to Lake Geneva for $48. You get 48 hours of sun and fun. Girl, I

wish you was going with me.

That's all right for you. You're a member of the idle rich.

That's enough to work for a living.

And so do you three.

Now, when I get back here, I want to see this place spotless.

Because if it isn't, you're not going to have to worry about Bookman putting you

out.

I will.

Kids.

I said smoke.

I've never seen her like this before. What's wrong with her? She's tired and

worn out. That's what's wrong with her. She's working day and night trying to

keep the family together and it's beginning to get her down.

She needs a vacation.

I got an idea.

When she comes home from work tonight, be on your best behavior.

Give her a couple of really relaxing hours. Can we make a deal?

Okay, we got a deal. Okay, now I'm going to flip. I don't want to be here when

Hurricane Flo comes flying back through town.

I think Malona's right.

Ma does need a vacation.

Yeah, more than just a few hours.

Look at this brochure on Lake Geneva. It is bad.

I wish Ma could go.

Hey, well, let's stop wishing. Let's make it happen.

JJ, we don't have $48.

The only way we can send Ma to Lake Geneva is to mail her.

Let's all chip in.

Tell me, how much you got?

$10. I have $10.

Michael, how much you got? Hey, well, I got six, man.

Well, that would get her to the bus station.

Yeah. Then she don't get mugged.

$16.

Now, is that all?

All we can come up with?

What do you mean, all we can come up with?

Where's your money?

Unfortunately, all my available funds are tied up in pork belly futures.

What are you talking about, pork belly futures?

Well, I was hoping to have a date with a certain Miss Nancy Ritter on Friday

night to the chitterling party.

If you don't come across with the money, your face is going to be tied up in fat

lip futures.

All right, all right. Turn your back and close your eyes.

Oh, Michael, he's going for the money belt now.

All

right,

y 'all can turn around now.

You got it from that money sock you keep on that string, huh?

How'd you know that? Well, when Mom thought you had a hernia, it turned out

be $5 in pennies.

Come on, JJ, how much you got?

I got $14.

Um, all together, that's $30. All we need is 18 more dollars.

How are we going to get $18?

Hey, maybe the travel agent will let us make a partial payment now and come up

with the rest later.

Hey, stay cool.

I'll handle this.

But this is going to take somebody with the diplomatic skills of Henry the K.

and the sweet moves of Dr.

J.

And all we've got is somebody with a diplomacy of Phyllis Diller and the

moves of old Godzilla.

All right, I'll see you all later. All right.

Thelma, you better make sure you hang on to that brochure. It might be the

closest mom will ever get to Lake Geneva.

Michael, what you doing?

I'm getting ready to dry my sneakers in the oven.

cranky before wait till she comes home and eats a piece of chicken that tastes

like a foot the way you cook chicken girl anything's an improvement

you're

looking at mom's vacation

jj is this how mine's going to lake geneva in a box

reservations were Friday, y 'all.

And this is how she's gonna get there.

JJ, you're gonna send Ma to Lake Geneva in her underwear, huh? You know she's

gonna look pretty funny in that hotel lobby.

She ain't gonna be wearing the underwear.

Good.

We're gonna be selling the underwear.

And with the money that we make, we're gonna send Ma to Lake Geneva.

Uh -uh. You're gonna return that underwear and get our money back. That's

Either that or we're going to put your nose in your hip pocket.

Now, wait a minute. I can't do that, Michael.

I brought it from a warehouse.

And the man, the next to last thing he told me was, no refunds. What was the

last thing? He said, so long, sucker.

J .J., you have the intelligence of a Q -tip. How did you get conned into such a

stupid thing?

Pure luck.

I was coming out of a travel agency.

When I met my man, Gary Tompkins.

You remember Gary?

That Demi. Man, he went to trade school for two years to become an elevator

operator.

Well, anyway, Gary is now working for an underwear company that's gone bankrupt.

And he tipped me to this real shrewd deal.

J .J., you didn't put all our money in this real shrewd deal, did you?

Certainly not.

I spent $1 ,250.

For $125 worth of underwear.

$10 to the travel agency for a deposit for Ma's trip. A mere $5 to Gary for

tipping me to this Bonanza.

And a few meager little pennies for me to buy some snicker bars to

replenish my strength after carrying that heavy box all the way home.

Okay, JJ, give us what you got left.

Voila!

A snicker bar.

All right, Michael, I guess we're stuck with the underwear. And you, mister,

tell us how we're going to sell it.

Hey, no problem at all.

Now, see, peoples will go without a coat.

They will go without shoes.

But no one in this vast, wide world wants to go without underwear.

You see, underwear is lucky.

JJ, what are you talking about?

It's like Ma always says, always wear clean underwear.

Just in case you get into an accident.

And you see, I've been wearing clean underwear all my life, and there ain't

never been an accident.

You mean you were born with that face?

All right, J .J., tell us where we're going to put this stuff so Mom won't see

it. In Thelma's room. It's only for one day.

Yeah, and how are we going to let everybody know we sell it?

Sane and simple. Just tell Walona and swear her to secrecy.

Oh, J .J., if you pull this one off, you're going to be the apple of Ma's

Yeah. If I don't, I'll be known as the fruit of the loon.

I'm clearing the table.

We didn't eat yet.

I know that, but we got to make believe like we did.

See, those people are going to be here buying them underwear pretty soon, and

got to get more out of here as soon as possible.

J .J., she's going to catch on. You just know she is.

I know she ain't, Michael. We told her we ate already.

Thelma cooked the meal, and it was great.

Well, then she'll know we're lying.

J .J., you think we're going to spread the word about the underwear?

Are you kidding? We're lonely in the galloping gossip of the ghetto?

If our mouths weren't any bigger, you could hold a garage sale in there.

Well, I don't know what's taking my so long this morning. I don't think this

thing's going to work.

Relax, Michael. She's in there getting dressed for church.

Hey, that's great. Going to church always puts her in a good mood. Yeah.

Well, hello there, mother dear.

Don't you look lovely this morning. I swear you will never stop getting

JJ, if you don't shut up, I swear you gonna stop getting older.

Now, what do you kids want for breakfast?

Oh, nothing, Ma. We already ate. Thelma cooked the meal, and it was delicious.

Wasn't it? Oh, yeah, Ma. It was delicious. We had oatmeal.

Sorry you missed it, Ma.

Yeah, well, I guess you overslept, Ma. Just time for a quick little cup of

coffee, and then it's off to church. You know it's a little thing.

We have plenty of time.

I know you don't, Ma.

You see, the Rev called, and he said he'd like to have you at church a little

early this morning.

Yeah, Ma, and he had a good reason, too.

Yeah, what was it?

What was the reason?

I don't know. Thelma took the message.

You know, Ma, just as the Rev was about to give me the reason...

What happened there, you see, was Wanda got a little sick this morning, and the

Rev needs an extra person in the choir.

And he asked me, why not, Ma? Maybe he's never heard you sing.

Michael, get Ma's coat, will you please? And Thelma, get her bag. Wait a minute,

JJ. Something smells fishy.

I told you Thelma cooked the breakfast.

Okay, children.

Hello?

I don't know what this world is coming to.

Who was that, Ma?

Some pervert.

You're darn right you will.

So clean that kitchen, straighten up your room, and dust in here. Say hello

the deacon for me, will you?

Well, let's get out the underwear.

Oh, hold it, you know.

Surely. You know, the smart buyer doesn't rush out first thing.

Forget the smart buyer. What we need is a weird buyer.

Uh, Michael, you see, these are seconds.

They have some slight imperfections.

He can knock off Goliath and two of his brothers.

Well, this could be opportunity knocking.

Display the good. Okay. We got him.

Y 'all open yet?

Just waiting for you, young lady. Just waiting for you. Uh, something in a

frilly lace for yourself?

Oh, no. I want some simple underpants for my granddaughter.

Oh, well, then you want to speak to our Mr. Michael.

Uh, Mr. Miguel.

of our Jolly Junior Department.

And don't forget, we only have a one -price policy.

Everything only 50 cents. So just go ahead and browse and make yourself right

home. Hold on, J .J. Man, there ain't no way you're gonna get me to sell no

girls' underwear.

I go, don't think of it as girls' underwear. Think of it as Mars Vacation.

Hang on over there, bro.

Easy now.

Yes,

miss, may I help you?

Oh, these are...

A training bra.

Welcome,

one and all, to Underwear City. Be it winter, spring, summer, or autumn, we

cover your top and warm your bottom.

Just browse.

Everything's only 50 cents.

50 cents?

Now, how can you sell it so cheap?

Girl, all this stuff's got to be hot. That's what it is.

It's not hot, lady. I just brought it at a bargain.

Sure. We know that.

Yes, sir. What can I do for you? Oh, I'm looking for something for my wife.

Oh, yeah? What size is she?

Have you tried a leash?

Uh, don't bring over a large, extra large in El Grosso's.

Say, mister, do you have a train and bra?

Train and bra? Let me take a look in here. I don't see anything with wheels

it.

and weird folks running around in here. Honey, tell me, a chick wanted to buy

six pair of undershorts for her husband in six different sizes.

Miss, do you have a training bra?

If you could train this, it's yours.

Oh, thank you, honey. This is just right for my cousin Lou.

Bookman, and you should feel right at home.

Because we got every size from rhino rump to buffalo butt.

Speaking of home, your next one's going to be in the park.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about you.

Violating Article 5, Section 3 of your lease.

I mean, using this apartment for commercial purposes.

Oh, come on, Bookman. Give us a break. We're trying to raise some money so our

mother can go on a vacation.

Hey, these sure are smart.

Hey, look here, Bookman. How many pair in the way you want?

You know, after all, you're one of my favorite families.

All right, Bookman, how many pair?

Well, I figure six ought to do it.

Why not make it an even dozen?

Well, okay, then, 13.

Oh, 13, huh?

A typical booger's dozen.

The name is Bookman, B -O -O -K -M -A -N.

Hey, give the man a hundred for spelling. And a hundred for splitting.

of here.

Jay, that booger ripped us off again.

Oh, no, he didn't. Those were seconds.

What was wrong with them?

No flies.

Oh, Flo, what are you doing back here? I thought you went to church.

Oh, I changed my mind. You know, I started to feel guilty about how rough I

on the kids, so I thought I'd spend the day with them. Oh, that's nice.

That's nice. You know, but they'd be much happier if you went back to church,

Flo.

Show me a black man wearing red underwear, and I'll show you a black

sleeping by herself.

Ridiculous. Look at your apartment.

Ridiculous. They'll be all on my side.

Now, just a cotton picket. Wait a minute. Will you please? Wait a minute.

going on?

Who are these people?

JJ, what is all this underwear doing around here?

What underwear?

Don't you... What underwear?

Hey, lady, don't shout. Just help yourself to some of this hot underwear

Hot underwear.

All right.

Everybody out.

Out, out.

Hold it.

Not you three.

JJ, Michael, Selma, get over here.

Now I want some answers, and they better be good ones.

Well, for one thing, Ma, this stuff is not stolen.

Yeah, we brought it from a warehouse.

How dare you lie to me? This is the worst thing you've ever done. But, Ma,

not lying. Shut up. You're in enough trouble right now, mister.

Well, they had a very good reason.

What kind of a reason could they have for doing a foolish thing like this?

was trying to get enough money to send you to Lake Geneva for vacation.

I don't care where they were trying to send us.

Sam, I wanted to surprise you.

They were going to send me to Lake Geneva?

Unfortunately, we couldn't raise enough money.

Y 'all were going to send me to Lake Geneva?

Yeah, Ma, we figured you needed the vacation.

Yeah, either you or us.

That isn't just about the nicest thing you've ever done.

Oh, kids.

I'm sorry for the way I behaved.

Hey, Ma, we understand.

We just thought we didn't make enough money.

Uh, excuse me, I heard you could get a good deal on some drawers here.

Uh, I'm sorry, bro, but the business is closed.

Closed? With all this stuff here?

Oh, well, then you want to speak to our Miss Florita.

Hey, sir, can we show you some of our underwear?

I called you earlier.

Just looking out of the window, watching the asphalt road,

thinking how it all looks and we die.

Good times, good times,

keeping your head above water,

making a wave when you can.

Temporary layoffs, good times.

Good times is videotaped in front of a studio audience.

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