Original subtitles

Good times.

last night it's because i was sick oh that girl hugging me uh

that was my nurse what i did was donating my beautiful body to science

and she was here to make sure all the parts were there and functioning hurry

up i'm expecting a call let him finish though he'll be through soon

Unfaithful, may I be struck down dead.

I was talking to God, not you.

Oh, no, that was my sister.

Oh, yeah, she's home on leave from the circus.

Yeah, you've seen the side show.

Yeah, she's a dog -faced girl.

No,

I can't bring her along. I'm afraid she may chew through her leash.

She's so beautiful. for my dear, and... Hey, Marty, you see this?

Thelma, that was J .J.'s call, and it might have been somebody very important,

so you shouldn't have done it, because I was going to do it.

I left my beautiful body to science.

It's a good thing it wasn't your brain, because they don't make test tubes that

small.

I'm sorry, Ma. I didn't see you there.

Well, I guess my new diet is working better than I thought.

Well, are you going to leave your books here on the floor?

Michael, come here.

Come here and sit down.

Is something bothering you?

Anything wrong at school?

Michael, you're not in any trouble.

I don't want to talk about it. Maybe he's sick, Mom.

Let me see your hair.

Oh, allow Dr.

J to diagnose the problem.

Hey, Michael, have you noticed any sudden gain in weight?

No. How does a nice pickle and peanut butter sandwich sound?

Nauseated. Hmm.

Michael, did you throw up first thing this morning?

and everybody jumping down his throat.

No!

I just came from the laundry room, honey. Heard some news. Don't holler if

don't tell somebody. Soon my lips gonna blister.

Tell me about it.

Who's it about?

Louise Horton and Rita Willard's husband.

You mean old Tomcat Willard. That's the one, honey.

Well, you know what really works at night? Well, she went to work and forgot

glasses. Came back home one day and snuck in.

Grabs. Do you just do what I want to say? I got something for you.

Well, Lana, what about Rita and Louise's husband?

Uh, Rita and Louise, uh, oh!

They got on the bus together.

Sure they did, well, Lana. Well, anyway, honey, have you ever seen Jesse Jackson

coming to the meeting on Saturday for the lunch of the new daycare center? And

got two tickets.

Here you go.

Hey,

out of sight. Michael's going to lunch with the rest.

I'm not going. What?

I told you he was big.

You don't want to see Jackie, Jackie?

Wilona, thanks, but I'm sorry.

Here, J .J., you take the tickets. You can get a girl to go any place with you.

You know, that's the way it goes.

Michael, why can't you ask a girl to go out with you? Because I'm dumb.

If there was an event for being stupid, I'd win first place.

Oh, Michael. Oh, Gramps, you got your nose open again. You in love.

It's such a relief.

Oh, Michael, you're in love.

My little brother's in love.

Once again, you'll be embarking upon life's greatest journey.

You will know bliss, rapture, splendor, two souls together as one.

Oh, by the way, Michael, did you two get on the bus together yet?

JJ, is that all you can think of? He needs to clean his mind out with some

and water.

Soap and water? Lord have mercy.

didn't tell me about Rita and the Tomcat.

Flo, I'm ashamed of you. What? Every time I come here to do a little chit

-chatting, all you want to do is gossip.

Well, I don't get you for that.

Hey, Michael, come on, tell us all about her. Well, her name is Yvonne, and

she's very beautiful. She has the prettiest smile I've ever seen.

She doesn't even know I'm alive.

Have you tried showing her your birth certificate?

J .J., what I mean is that...

Well, I'm not good enough for her. Oh, Michael.

You're good enough for any girl.

My grandfather's a doctor. She's the only girl who comes from school in the

It's a two -seater XKE.

That's nothing. I go to school in a 40 -seater BUS.

Well, Dominic, that's not all. It's just she's smarter than me, and she gets

better grades than I do.

Hey, that ain't no big deal, Michael. I go out with a lot of chicks that are

smarter than me.

They can't be too smart to go out with you, don't they?

Well, yesterday she was asking from school, and today she asked me if she

borrow my notes.

I acted like a fool. When I was handing her my notebook, my hands were shaking.

I couldn't even talk.

Well, you're talking all right right now.

Yeah? Well, tongue, where were you when I needed you?

This is something else.

A brother of mine choking while he's talking to a chick.

J .J., that's not the worst part. She's coming over here this afternoon to

return my notebook.

Well, that's great, Michael. You get a second chance.

And I hope this time you'll know how to act. I sure will. I'm going to call and

tell her I'm sick. Take it easy, Michael.

Take it easy.

The Evans family honor is at stake here.

I see I'm going to have to give you some coaching.

Uh, J .J., maybe you better keep out of this.

No, Ma. It's my duty to help Michael as the head of the house.

As the who of the what?

As the who of the what, I'm in charge of certain aspects of Michael's growing

up. To wit, the fine art of impressing a chick.

J .J., Yvonne is not just any chick. She's special.

Lesson number one, all chicks are the same.

What?

That's right. And I quote, Rosie O 'Grady and the Colonel's Lady are

under the skin.

That's Kipling.

That's hogwash.

Cindy, how dare you say all girls are alike? Women are people too and deserve

be recognized as individuals.

Oh, yeah? Well, who runs big business? Men. Who's the best in sports? Men.

the power in Washington?

Barbara Jordan, and you better know it.

Nevertheless, Michael.

Whenever you dig a chick, no matter whom she is, all you got to do is get her on

your radar and zero in on her bleep bleep.

JJ, do you really think all this is doing Michael any good?

Sure, Ma.

Matter of fact, let's pretend Yvonne's here right now.

Ma, you be Yvonne. Come on, Michael. We stand like we're in a street corner

here. JJ, I don't have time for games.

Ma, I don't think you're sexy. This is for Michael. Come on, Ma.

There are things a mother doesn't do for her kids.

All right.

Whoa!

Okay, J .D., now what do I do? Go over there and ask the boy a date.

Oh, okay.

Hi. Hi.

Would you like to go to the movies with me?

Like the part in Kojak's head.

Nowhere, Michael.

Oh, I didn't think it was so bad. What is he supposed to do?

Now, what he's supposed to do is how he does it.

Now, watch the deboner approach.

Hey there, sweet mama.

we link up our destinies and go bopping down the boulevard.

Get lost, turkey.

JJ, it didn't work.

Hey, Michael, this is Ma.

It would have worked with a young chick. Hey, watch that, JJ, or I'll bop you

down the boulevard.

Come on, Selma, let's be stern.

Bop.

Well, what you seem to be lacking here is confidence. And confidence is the

of the game. That's what makes great football players like O .J. Simpson,

boxers like Muhammad Ali, and great lovers like, you know, what can I say?

J .J., all that is fine.

What if you're confident that you don't have confidence?

Then just repeat after me.

I am the greatest.

I am the greatest.

I can have... in a girl that I want. I can have in a girl that I want.

I'm not afraid of Yvonne.

I am not afraid of Yvonne.

and sick into your cave.

Come in.

Oh, hello, sweetheart.

You must be Yvonne.

I'm Michael's mother.

Pleased to meet you. And I'm Mrs. Thelma. Hello, Thelma.

And I'm J .J., Michael's main man.

How do you do?

Wow,

you sure know how to greet a girl.

You know, I'm known as the Sultan of Smooth.

You know, because, come on, Michael.

Oh, I'm cool, too.

You look like you're sweating.

Michael's was known as hot cool.

Michael,

maybe Yvonne would like to take off her coat and stay a while. Thank you, but I

just got by with Michael's note.

Would you hurry, my Cherie?

Allow me.

Fantastic. Of course.

J .J., why don't you run down to the store and get some ice cream for

Oh, Mom.

Oh, that sounds like a great idea. Oh, I love ice cream. Don't you, Evelyn? I

adore it. Come on, J .J., I'll go with you.

JJ, can you come in, man? I need your advice on something.

Oh, changing the game plans, huh?

Well, you want to talk to the coach?

Yeah. What is it?

Just this.

Michael, you awake?

Yes,

you are.

Michael, could we talk?

Okay, then I'll do the talking and you do the listening.

Michael,

I'm sorry.

Drop dead.

Michael, I said I'm sorry. I'm not listening.

Michael, I didn't mean what happened to happen out here.

I mean, you never know how a chick's going to react.

You got to be careful on how you use your cool because... Sometimes it can be

uncool to be too cool.

If you know what I mean.

J .J., if you don't shut up, I'm going to punch you again.

Hey, Michael.

Only reason I didn't throw any punches out here is because I didn't want to

embarrass you.

See, because if I were to unleash these massive biceps, I could have done your

person some serious bodily harm.

Well, what's stopping you now? Come on, J .J., I'll fight you right here. Hey,

take it easy, Michael.

We're brothers.

Like the Doobie Brothers.

The Wright Brothers.

Dr. Joyce Brothers.

Why don't you try Cain and Abel?

Hey, Michael, don't be like that.

I want to tell you one thing, Michael.

No matter what goes down between us, we're always going to be tight.

Because we've been through too much together.

What I'm trying to say, Michael, is that I love you, man.

Was that supposed to be heavy?

Or just cool?

Well, let me tell you something, James Jr. You ain't cool, you ain't heavy, and

you ain't my brother.

Give me some of this blanket. Give me the blanket. Matter of fact, I don't

want to sleep in the same bed with you.

Hey, man, bring that blanket back here.

Every time you show your face, you indecently explode.

JJ?

Michael?

What are you doing up?

Freezing.

Michael, you can't sleep in that chair.

Yeah, well, I'm not sleeping with him.

All right, Michael.

Give JJ the blanket.

You come in my room. I want to talk to you privately.

I'm beside me, Michael.

You know, Michael, it seemed like only yesterday I was holding you in my arms.

And you know what your biggest problem was then?

Diaper rash.

Well, Mom, I'm not a baby anymore.

Oh, Lord, don't I know it.

Look at you, so big and handsome.

You're growing up so fast, I can hardly believe it.

You've even fallen in love.

I won't do that anymore. It hurts too much.

Well... Hurt is a part of growing up, too.

You may not believe it now, but you'll get over this.

No, I won't. I'm never gonna forgive JJ.

Now, Michael, you can't blame JJ for what happened.

Whose side are you on?

Well, you were so terrified around Yvonne, you just weren't any fun.

She liked JJ because he was alive.

He was...

Michael, unless a man is sure of himself, he ain't got nothing more going

him than a plate of cold grits.

I thought you would give me sympathy.

I would if I thought that's what you needed.

Michael, you are looking for a pat on the head, and what you need is a good

whack on your behind.

I'm sorry, baby, but I had to tell it like it is.

I guess you're right.

It wasn't J .J.'s fault after all.

It was just being J .J.

And Michael, when you have the guts to be Michael, the best Michael

Evans there is, things will be different.

Now go to bed and get some sleep.

I'll see you in the morning, okay?

J .J.? What

is it, Michael? J .J., I apologize.

It wasn't your fault. It was my fault.

And I wouldn't want to have anybody else for a brother except you.

J .J., I love you too, man.

Hey, Michael, what do you think big brothers are for?

Good night.

J .J.

Now what is it?

Take a shot at me.

on. You owe it to me.

No, Michael, that's all right. Forget it. Come on, JJ. I laid one on you, so

lay one on me.

Oh, Michael, I'm too tired. Forget it. JJ, do it. No, man, that's all right. I

said hit me. Hey, man.

I said hit me.

What's going on in here?

Oh, nothing, man. We're just making up.

Hey,

JJ, don't touch that.

Just sniffing, Ma. Just sniffing. I want to make sure my nose is well fed.

Uh, when's Michael getting here?

Oh, he's staying after school to study at the library.

I guess that means things are back to normal, huh?

Yeah, I guess it is.

And, Ma, don't worry. From now on, I'm going to keep my cool to myself.

Oh, J .J., get that, please.

Getting the door.

J .J.

Oh, uh, getting the door.

Hello, J .J. Hey, Yvonne. Come on in.

Mrs. Evans, it's Michael, hon.

Michael stopped at the library, but he should be here any minute now.

And this is my friend, Wilona Woods.

Hello. So you're the little nose opener, huh? All right.

Yvonne, come in my room and wait for Michael. I got some great albums.

You do? Yeah.

What do you got? Earth, Wind, and Fire, and Unconscious.

Oh, I like that. Oh, well, well.

All the time I thought she was drawn to my irresistible charm.

Drawn to me like a moth drawn to a flickering, fluttering flame.

Well, honey, don't look now. But your flickering, fluttering flame has just

flickered out.

Hi, ma. Sorry I'm late.

What's for dinner?

Yvonne. Yvonne?

Here? Now?

She's right there in Thelma's room. She came to see you, honey.

Mama, I just remembered I got basketball practice.

And remember, be alive, Clive.

And, uh, don't be a dud, bud.

Hello,

Michael. Hi.

Well, well, well, if, uh, y 'all will excuse us, uh, Mater and, uh, Walona and

will retire to the drawing room.

Now, what is all this Mater jazz?

Now, if you want to leave the room, why don't you do something simple like, uh,

let's split?

at my pet? Right away, Mama.

You sure is looking good. Got to hand it to you there.

Michael, why are you acting like this?

Hey, baby, I'm the crown prince of cool.

I am the hippest, the coolest, the slickest, the jivest.

The stupidest.

Just listen to you.

Well, you liked it when JJ did it.

That is what you want, isn't it? Not me. I don't want a phony.

Why don't you relax and be yourself?

Hey, that's the same thing my mother told me.

The other day you were a zombie, and now you're strutting around like some food

peacock.

Will the real Michael Evans please stand up?

I'm sure he's a very nice guy.

Hey, well, he is.

Um, Yvonne?

can we start all over again i like that michael when right now how'd you like to

stay for dinner with us you bet good

Just looking out of the window, watching the asphalt road,

thinking how it all looks and it dies.

This time, this time, keeping your head above water, making a

wave when you can.

Good times is videotape in front of a studio audience.