Original subtitles

Good job, anytime you need a payment. Good job, anytime you need a free.

Good job, anytime you're out and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head up for water.

Making a wave when you can.

You better get ready for bed.

Oh, but, Mommy, it's Saturday night. I want to watch the horror movie.

Those movies aren't good for you, Michael. You know they give you

Mom, Michael's been sleeping in the same bed with J .J. for ten years.

If that didn't give him nightmares, nothing would.

Now, Michael, you heard your mother. Get moving.

All right, Daddy, but I want to watch The Wolfman.

No, get to bed. You're going to watch The Beltman.

Yeah, but, Daddy, can't I just stay up till his knuckles get hairy?

You want some more coffee, Milona?

Oh, no, thank you, honey.

Ooh, child, did I tell you the latest? No, why?

There's going to be a vacancy on the seventh floor.

Really? Who's moving out? Let me tell you what happened. The husband in 703

messing around with the wife in 705.

Right? Now, the wife in 703 heard about it, told the husband in 705, and 703 and

705 been fighting all week.

So who's moving out?

704. Can't stand the noise no more.

You ought to tell me something. Where do you get these stories from?

James, this is the bone of my truth.

I got it from the horse's mouth.

821. Oh, I know 821. You got the wrong end of the horse, sweetie.

I've got a little bit of news for you. When are you going to learn that

gossiping can be dangerous?

Me?

Gossiping? Me?

Now, James, gossiping is when you pass stories around without having the facts.

Well, what do you think you're doing?

I'm just spreading nasty rumors.

Love, love will keep us together.

Stay with me, baby, whenever some sweet -talking guy comes singing along.

Don't mess around.

We've all got to be strong and stop.

I'm thinking of you. Stop.

Junior, I have a doctor here in a few minutes.

I ain't sick, Dad. I'm in a mall.

Cupid has shot me with his zip gun of love.

Who is it this time?

Well, for the past couple of months, he's been going out with Diana Buchanan,

Fred and Lucille's daughter.

She has invited him to her senior prom.

Hey, now let's not forget that it's also Thelma's senior prom, right?

Right, and I'm taking Larry.

I'll be there with sweet Diana.

The love of my life. The girl of my dreams.

The widow of the neighborhood.

Now, Feldman, you know Diana is a nice girl.

Ma, I know she's a nice girl, but she's very strange sometimes.

She's so moody.

That's because she's a deep thinker. That's why I love her. She digs me for

mind, not like the rest of those chicks who just want me for my body.

Anybody who wants you for your body is out of their mind.

He's talking, the cover girl of Ugly Illustrated.

Now, JJ, this is the first. I can't remember you ever dating the daughter of

of your parents, Fred.

Oh, well, Lorna, it's just one of those accidents of love. I was delivering an

order for the chicken shack, and Diane opened the door, and voila!

I'll never forget that night.

Diane, the chicken, and Kit...

that I can remember.

Nah, Dad, that's not true.

Diane's different.

Every time I see her, my legs shake, my knees buckle, I brace out into a cold

sweat.

That ain't love, J .J.

That's the flu.

Admit it, J .J. You fall in love with every girl you take out. That's not

Well, I guess you could say that, uh... And then what about Myrna?

Well, sometimes you think... Yeah, and Patty, and Gloria, and Susan... And

Marianne, and Nancy, and Bertha.

It was a very good year, wasn't it?

But Diane's different.

All those other chicks were just brief encounters, passing ships in the night.

The others may have been passing ships in the night, but Bertha looked more

a super tanker.

But my... I thought you would understand.

Diane and me are serious.

Well, you have been going out without longer than any of the others.

Maybe it is serious.

Uh -uh, Flo. If it was serious, J .J. would have bought our bracelet by now.

What? Oh, yeah.

Began with delectable delight. Remember?

Mm -hmm. Well, he came into the boutique, you know, and bought one of

charm bracelets, had it engraved, to Delilah, with all my heart. Love, J.

J? Uh, engraving costs 15 cents per letter. And the cast of Nola ran out of

dough.

Oh, but he's gotten 12 or 13 of the same kind of bracelet for different girls. J

.J., you know, if all those girls and all those bracelets ever wind up in the

same room at the same time, they're going to do some engraving for you.

J .J. Evans, rest in peace.

Now that I said my little sale, I'm going home.

I'll see you all later. Okay.

Well, I ain't buying Diana a bracelet. I'm buying her something else.

What? A ring.

You want to run that by me again?

An engagement ring.

Family, are y 'all ready for this?

Today I asked Diana to marry me, and she said yes.

Lord have mercy.

You want to run that by me again?

Calm down, Dad. It's one of those things in nature.

I mean, everybody leaves home sooner or later.

Birds do. Fish do.

Even turkeys do.

like that, why didn't you tell us as soon as you came in?

Well, I thought I'd better break it to you gently. Kind of glide over it. Kind

of ease around it. Kind of ooze by it.

Well, you better slide over it.

You two young even think about getting married.

But Ma, when you love somebody and you can't think of anything else and you

think of them every minute of the day, what else is there to think of?

You better not be doing that either.

Your daddy and I feel the same way about this. You are too young to get married.

But, Ma, we're in love. What more do we need?

Well, in the state of Illinois, until you turn 21, you need our permission.

Junior, you ain't going to get it. But, Dad, you'll just have to wait.

Now, if it's love, it'll keep.

But, Ma, it's not fair. I mean, how come I can get a driver's license when I'm

16 but can't get a marriage license when I'm 21?

Because the state would rather have you driving a lemon than marrying one.

Her dummy.

You stay out of this burlap brain.

I stood up for you when you wanted to get engaged to old, uh, what's -his

there. Oh, Larry's got a good job, but you can't support a white delivering

chicken. Tell that to Colonel Sanders.

It doesn't matter if we have anything against Diana.

We know she comes from a nice family.

But we also know that you are not mature enough to handle what you'll be getting

into. But, Ma, I invited her and her parents over here tomorrow night.

we all talk about this? Then y 'all could make your decision.

Look here, Junior, I don't care if Fred and Lucy will talk their head off. My

answer's still no.

So is mine, honey.

Yeah, J .J., I'm against it, too.

What you got to do with this? J .J.

If you and Diana get married, how the three of us gonna fit on that bed?

Ma, you finished yet?

Oh, relax, Delma. The prom isn't until tomorrow night.

Yeah, but I can't wait to try it on.

Judy, did you get your tuxedo rented for tomorrow night yet? Sure did, Dad.

But I can't pick it up to the very last minute. I got it rented for 24 hours or

5 ,000 boogies, whichever comes first.

Oh, Mom's so excited.

Well, it isn't every day my little girl goes to her senior prom.

And, Ma, when the Buchanans get here, can we use the fancy china, the one we

in the green stamps?

Hey, Jay, we don't have to put on... no fancy airs for the Buchanans. Yeah,

especially for a dude that owes me $20.

James, that's been so long ago. Can't you just forget about it? All right,

I'll forget it. I ain't gonna mention it no more. Good.

Sucker owes me $20.

Well, we have more important things to think about for tonight, right?

That's right. And, Dad, when the Buchanans get here, you will talk to

won't you? Sure, Johnny. I ain't got nothing against talking to them. Good.

I have got something against listening to them.

Why, James?

Because, Father, they're just trying to unload their daughter off on our son.

Girls' parents are always trying to do that.

Hey, Daddy. Hmm? Who are we going to unload old Thelma on?

I might want you to shut up and finish your dishes.

Oh, Thelma, take this in the back, please. Okay, Mom. I'll get it.

It's been so long since I've seen you. Yeah, since yesterday.

Now, isn't this something? After all these years, who'd have thought that our

kids would end up going together?

Ain't it something?

Yeah.

You kids wouldn't remember it, but when you were three years old, you spent a

lot of time in the playground.

I remember you owe me $20.

Thelma, will you take these coats into the bedroom? Okay, Mom. Oh, would you

take my purse, too, honey? Oh, Mrs.

Buchanan, this is a beautiful bag.

Well, thank you, Diana. Got it for me. She's got good taste in purses, too.

Listen, why don't we all sit down? Thank you.

James,

why don't you pull up a chair?

No, thank you, baby. I'm comfortable right where I am.

Oh, look, Fred.

This is almost like the dish that Mother gave us. Mm -hmm. Ours was stolen.

We've had so many robberies lately. Girl, everything that is a nail down in

apartment gets ripped off. It's the same thing in our building. Girl, and it's

not just us. Why can't we stop all this small talk and get down to business

here? Uh, Thelma, will you take Michael over to Wilona's for a little while?

Oh, Mama, you know you're not preparing me very well for real life. What did you

say? The only thing I'm going to be good at is leaving room.

Oh, come on. Watch it.

Now, look, Fred, let me give you the bottom line first. There ain't no way in

the world this kid's gonna get married. I ain't gonna let him. It's wrong.

I absolutely agree. Now, look, man, don't argue with me about it, because I

made a... Huh?

It's a bad idea, and I've been against it from the start.

You know something, Fred? It's a pleasure talking to a sensible man.

The whole thing is crazy.

I mean, J .J.'s a nice kid, but a husband?

Get serious.

Wait a minute. What the hell does that suppose to mean?

Yeah, what's the... That's supposed to mean.

Oh, come on. Look at him. We were hoping for someone a little more solid for

Diana. J .J. is too young and irresponsible.

Wait a minute now, Fred. Don't go telling me my son ain't good enough for

daughter. I mean, he got a good future in front of him. He knows where he's

going. Any girl would be lucky to catch him.

Does that mean we have your permission to get married, Dad?

Are you out of your mind? You're too young and irresponsible.

That's what I just said. But that's not for you to say.

Well, what difference does it make who says it? It makes a lot of difference.

Well, what are you yelling at me for? Because he owes me $20.

Can I please say something? No!

Look, what are we all yelling and shouting about? We all know that Diana

are not going to get married, right? Right. But, Ma, I don't think it's fair

you all to make a decision about our future without us having a word to say

about it. That's right.

Mrs. Evans, we want to get married because we're in love. And what's wrong

that? Love? Nothing.

Until the rent comes due.

But, well, I got a good job. I'll be a great breadwinner.

June, you got to bring home the whole loaf, not just crumbs.

But I have my job at the department store, too, and we can make it.

And that does not even count my paintings, because once they start

watch out!

We'll be living on the corner of Easy Street and Got It Made Boulevard.

Well, it's not just the money.

Neither one of you have enough experience to know whether or not you're

the right decision.

But you're our parents, and you never think we're ready.

That's not true, Diana.

Now, we'll give J .J. our permission as soon as we think he's mature enough to

handle this. When will that be?

In about 20 years.

But, Dad!

Ain't no bus, Junior. No permission, no marriage. That's it. I'm with James.

It'll never work.

But, Mr. Buchanan!

No, you, J .J.

But, Diana!

Son, I think she's right.

But, Mom!

the coach.

But anybody!

Flora, I know this is hard on the kids, but it's for the best.

Well, maybe we can help them out a little. Suppose you and Fred bring Diana

before the prom, and then we'll throw a little party for them. Oh, that'll be

wonderful. I think so.

J .J., what's going on? What are we doing here?

I'm going to get you a ring. We need one to get married. But you heard our

parents last night. There's no way they're going to let us get married.

Don't ever say that. There's always a way. And fortunately, you're dealing

Captain Smart.

You know, I ain't just another pretty face.

I know.

But really, J .J., I just can't see them changing their minds. Can you?

Are you kidding? I stayed up all last night thinking of ways to get their

permission. I went through every plan, every clever idea, every little detail.

That's great. So how are we going to do it?

Beach me.

But I did think of a way to get married without their permission.

In Indiana, you don't have to be but 18 to get married.

Diane, we're going to elope.

Elope? JJ, we can't elope.

Why not?

It'd be just like a big family wedding, except we won't invite the family.

Hey, that's pretty wild.

Well, no, it's not. People do it all the time. All I'll do is get a ladder,

climb up to your window, and it'll be bon voyage.

Yeah,

well, that ladder better be on a fire truck. You know I live on the 20th

Okay, forget the ladder. We're eloped by elevator.

Excuse me, sir. Would you like to see something in a ring?

Uh, yes.

Uh, her finger.

Yeah,

we like to buy a diamond ring.

How much did you want to spend?

Oh, uh, the sky's the limit.

Oh, now this one is very nice. Only $1 ,500.

Uh, could we lose a little altitude?

Uh, you ever heard of Death Valley?

J .J., don't you think we ought to talk about this some more? I mean, eloping is

a serious thing.

Diane, I am serious. I mean, I know I joke around a lot, but I do love you,

I can't wait two years to marry you. I love you, too, but this, it's so sudden.

Diane, there's no other way.

But there must be some other way.

Are we buying a ring or watching a soap opera?

Pardon us.

We're worried.

Death Valley.

Now, you just tell me how much you want to spend. We have a large selection in

every price range.

Yeah, where do you keep your rings under $25?

In the gumball machine.

Now, this is our least expensive ring. Only $185.

Well, Diane, how do you like it?

Beautiful, J .J., but we really got to think about our parents. This is really

going to hurt them.

All right, Diane, we'll give them one last chance.

Tonight we're all going to be together before the prom, right? Mm -hmm. Well,

either tell them we're going to get married, or we don't care what they say,

they feel, or what they think.

You're going to say that to your father?

No, you are.

No, just jiving, just jiving. I'll tell them.

Well, Diane, how do you like it?

It's beautiful.

Uh,

we'll take it. Fine. Now, how will you be paying for this?

Paying for this?

You know, we do have an easy payment plan here. Ten dollars down, ten dollars

month. And this explains the terms.

I'll handle this.

You know, you're making a wise investment.

Like they say, diamonds are forever.

And so are these payments.

Well, just step over here. I'll help you fill out the credit application.

J .J., I love you.

You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

washing dishes.

Daddy,

Thelma and JJ get allowance.

I think I should get something for doing the dishes.

You do get something. What?

Dinner.

Oh, hey, dishes, what's happening, baby? How you doing?

Thelma and JJ, hurry up. The Buchanan's will be here any minute.

Oh, baby, I think I'm all set to take them prom pictures now. Good.

Now, Junior, if you just had your rented body to go with that rented tux, you'd

be all set. Oh, JJ.

Don't you let your daddy kid you, JJ. You look just great.

Thanks, Mom.

Just jiving you, Junior. Just jiving you. Now, hold it there. Let me get this

picture. Oh.

Give me some teeth.

All right.

Hey, did anybody see my gloves? I can't find them anywhere.

They're in the top drawer.

Oh,

let's not get carried away now.

Give me some cheese. Cheese.

All right.

Hey, Dad, you missed my good side.

Naturally. You don't have one.

Diana, you look just great. Thank you, Mrs. Evans. You look so cute.

Diane, you look fantastic.

Diane, what's wrong?

Oh, nothing, JJ. Oh, you look so fine.

Well, you know.

What can I say?

Hold it right there. Let me get this picture.

All right, kids.

You know something, James?

We got the two prettiest girls at the prom right here.

Thank you.

I'll thank you then, man. And I'll join you.

Hard to believe my baby girl is graduating from high school. Oh, they

us, Lord.

Hey, Michael, would you put that...

In the refrigerator next to the ribs.

Well, get it out of there before you get some barbecue sauce on it.

Okay, JJ.

Velma, your dress is beautiful. Thank you. Well, you got the ring? Uh -huh.

Might as well put it on.

Oh, it's so beautiful, JJ.

Well, we might as well tell them. Uh -huh.

Ma, Dad, parents, we got an announcement to make. We got some news here.

We got some news here. All right, J .J., what kind of news?

Well, me and Diane love each other.

That ain't no news.

And we want your permission to get married.

That ain't no news either.

And if you don't give us your permission, we're going to run away and

married anyway.

We already got the ring.

Now, that's news.

Bad news.

Real bad news.

J .J., you won't. I told you.

is going to be going to two ceremonies in the same day. Huh? Her wedding and

your funeral.

And I'm going to be one of the pallbearers.

My daughter ain't eloping with no bony Romeo.

Daddy! You be quiet.

You ain't going nowhere.

But, Mama, you said we could talk about it. You heard what your daddy said. You

ain't going nowhere.

You ain't going nowhere either, Junior.

Wait a minute now.

There's no need to yell.

What you talking about, Floyd? These kids can't march in here and tell us

they gonna do. You're right. But, Dad.

Ain't no buts, Junior.

I ain't playing no more games with you now. Dad, I ain't playing no games

either. And I ain't backing down.

You don't have to back down. You might get knocked down.

Looking out of the window.

Watching the asphalt road.

Thinking how it all looks when we die.

Good times. Good times.

Keeping your head up for water.

Making a wave when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good times.

Good times is recorded on tape before a live audience.