Original subtitles

Good times.

Can I borrow your razor?

Why, you ain't using tweezers no more?

Oh, Dad.

Oh, sure you can use my razor, Junior.

Who's your big date with tonight?

Gorgeous Gertrude.

The glamour girl of the ghetto.

What ever happened to your one and only delightful Delilah?

Oh, no, Dad.

The flame is flicking out.

Oh. Who turned off your pilot light, Romeo?

I did, Ma.

for french fries and a malt, and she didn't come up with what I had for the

loot. I got one rule with all my chicks.

They gots to pay their own way.

Our son's a lover.

Yeah.

Well, that stands to reason. I mean, look who his father is.

Maybe it won't be long before old Michael here will be chasing after

I got news for you, Daddy. I already caught a few.

faster than we thought.

Yeah. Hey, look here.

Who's your main squeeze these days? Romeo number two?

Oh, Daddy, I don't have just one main squeeze.

I'm gonna take my advice from J .J., and I'm playing the field.

All right.

Since when have you been taking advice from J .J.? J .J. talks a lot in his

sleep, and I do a lot of listening.

Hi, Mom and Dad.

Hello. You remember me talking about my girlfriend Joanne Taylor, right? Uh

-huh. Well, Joanne, this is my mother and my father and my brother Michael.

We're having a French test this week, and I'm going to help Joanne. Oh, that's

nice.

Thelma told me about you being voted homecoming queen for your senior class.

Congratulations. Thank you, but if I don't do better with my grades, I might

still be in the senior class next year.

Oh, now don't go putting yourself down.

That's right, Dad. In French, she's just a little weak on verbs.

And adverbs, adjectives, prepositions, and nouns, especially nouns, like the

word door. I mean, I know in French it's port, but you gotta know whether it's

masculine or feminine.

Oh, that's easy. I mean, if the door is marked men, then it's masculine.

If it's marked ladies, then you know it's feminine.

What is around here?

Uh, my brother, J .J. I think I've seen some of his paintings around.

You probably saw them down at the community center.

He took up some of his work over to the art show a couple of weeks ago.

He won first prize.

Hey, now, that's how I say it.

There, where's that to shave, Lucia?

Uh, J .J.? Uh, Joanne, this is my brother, J .J.

In the flesh, whatever there is of it.

JJ. Nice to meet you, JJ.

JJ.

JJ.

JJ.

Nice to meet you, Mama.

Whoa. Something tells me he's going to do a lot of talking in his sleep

Hello, Joanne.

She's gone.

Yeah, so is Junior.

Hey, JJ.

JJ. Hey, JJ, step out of it, man. I thought you had a date with gorgeous

Gertrude. Who?

The glam girl of the ghetto, man.

Oh, no. Now she's on a junk power with delightful Delilah.

Well, I better go put on my shirt. Probably drove Joanne crazy with this

fantastic body.

Dave Lotion. I'm all out, Junior.

Oh, that's okay.

I use Stommer's Afro Sheet.

J .J., that's a hair conditioner.

Oh, better yet, Ma, it makes my mustache more soft and kissable.

Well, when it comes to girls, J .J. flips faster than a pancake.

You can't keep up with him without a scorecard.

Gorgeous Gertrude, delightful Delilah, marvelous Myrna the human burner.

Yeah, and don't forget sizzling Susie.

I never heard him mention her.

I know, Mama, that's because she's one of my chicks.

Young man.

Don't you have some homework to do? Yeah, some biology, and I'm learning

subject fast.

You know.

Well,

Flora, you... We really can't blame girls for chasing after our sons. I

there's something about the Evans man that runs in the family.

It does, huh?

Yeah, well, I mean, like when I was Junior's age, baby, I didn't have no

with girls either. I'd see a good -looking girl and I'd just say to

What did you say, James?

I'd say, self, that ain't the right one.

You sure said that.

Yeah, well, Florida, now, you know you're the only one for me. The minute I

you, baby, I said, that's it. Well, you must have done a lot of window shopping

before you decided what to buy.

You know what I mean when a man is looking for a wife? He wants to make

gets the quality product.

Let's face it.

Careful how you handle the merchandise.

Thelma, would you and Joanne like something cold to drink?

They still in there studying?

Mm -hmm.

Uh, Ma, what you doing over there?

Well, I'm giving the girl something cold to drink.

Well, let me take it in the room, Ma.

Wow, how come you're so helpful all of a sudden? Just so I know my little

sister's in there studying, and I want to make sure she has the proper

nourishment. All right, Casey, you want to take this tray in here.

Oh, uh, Ma, could you hold this for a minute? Sure, what's the matter?

Before I take it.

all the drinks.

Thank you, J .J. You're welcome.

Thank you.

J .J., the drink.

It's delicious.

Oh, uh, how y 'all doing with the French?

Well, Thelma's really a great teacher, but man, I'm... Still having trouble.

Well, then, uh, maybe I can help you out here.

You know, when I was a mere youth in high school, French was one of my big

subjects. JJ, you took Spanish. You don't know any French, so why don't you

out of here?

What are you talking about, girl? Remember the time the family went to

fancy restaurant?

I ordered the entire meal in French.

Yeah, but it was a Chinese restaurant.

To speak one foreign language, you speak them all.

Let me tell you something, Joanne. Yeah?

The main thing you got to remember about speaking a foreign language is never

speak it in English.

I'll try to remember that.

Yeah. And when you go on the road, always remember to... Uh, J .J., if you

mind, we have a lot of work to do.

Oh, so do I.

I got to finish a painting.

Even though I may be big on foreign languages, art is still my...

Numero uno.

Great, fantastic. Fine, now will you get out of here?

Si, buple.

And until next time, si, si, bon.

You mean you racked up some points with the beauty queen? The beauty queen

melted at the sight of the beauty king.

She really fell apart, huh, Junior?

Let me put it to you this way, Dad.

After seeing me, the only French words she could say was, ooh -la -la.

That boy's foot is a size 12 and his head is catching up fast.

Just getting some threads more suitable for the occasion.

Oh, no.

Not those, Junior. Those are your killer threads.

Why don't you have a little mercy on the girl?

Well, Dad says she's going to be my future fox. She might as well see the

enchilada.

You know, I don't believe that boy.

I tell you, baby, I mean, can you imagine anybody being that stuck on

self?

I married him.

Now, wait a minute now, baby. I mean, I admit, I am handsome. Oh.

Well, you never heard me doing that much horn blowing.

Oh, come on, James. You blow so many horns, you could beat a whole brass

for Count Basie.

You got to make one thing, baby. What? Making beautiful music together.

Oh, we sure have.

Bologna, do you ever even think about knocking?

Yeah.

The thought has occurred to me, but I drove it right out of my mind.

The bicentennial's getting next to me, and I want to be able to say I was

and that's the way it was.

Ho, ho, ho, hey, hey.

Well, if you want to make it a real bicentennial, why don't you just visit

every 200 years?

Oh, don't tell me they all left home and you was just getting ready to start

another set.

Michael is in our room doing his homework.

Thelma and Joanne Taylor are in there. She's helping her with some schoolwork.

Joanne Taylor.

Oh, isn't she the high school homecoming queen?

Yep. And she's beautiful.

She sure is. She looks just like me when I was her age.

And homecoming queen myself.

You're a long way from home.

You know, Flo, when I was a bridesmaid at your wedding, I remember thinking to

myself, crazy, here I am carrying a bouquet of roses just because Flo caught

herself a clump of poison ivy.

Well, Lord, if we're done doing it again, give me five.

Well, I better blow the whistle before we go into overtime.

Folks like it.

You look like an explosion in a paint factory.

I better go home and get my sunglasses. The glare is blinding me.

Have a nice time, sugar.

I'll see y 'all later. All right, Malone. Take it easy. Bye -bye. Boy,

if you was any sharper, you could be considered a dangerous weapon.

Sorry about that, Dad. That's like when I wore my conservative socks.

Yes, though, Mrs. Evans, I just can't seem to get it together.

Yeah, I think it's better if we start off fresh some other time.

Yeah, goodbye, everybody.

Okay. Bye -bye. Thanks for your help, Thelma. Anytime.

Uh, Joanne.

Yeah? Look here, I got some tickets for the old J's concert on Saturday night.

You're welcome to be my guest, and, uh, you don't even have to pay your own way.

I'm sorry, J .J., but I really can't make it. I'm busy Saturday night.

Uh...

How about Sunday? I got some tickets for the Isaac Brothers concert, and they're

even hotter than the OJs.

But I gotta study Sunday.

Uh, well, I just happen to be free on Monday night.

Oh, J .J., I'm sorry, but I really can't make it.

Uh, Tuesday afternoon?

Oh, J .J., listen, I'm gonna be kind of busy the whole week. I'm sorry.

Bye.

talking about, James?

Well, I'm trying to get some sleep, but I can't.

Ain't nobody yelling.

Well, JJ's not around.

You know, he hasn't been himself since Joanne walked into his life and then

walked right back out.

Oh, don't worry about JJ.

You can't keep him down too long.

Yeah, it's his nature.

Happy -go -lucky. He'll bounce back.

Hi, y 'all.

on his head.

How's it going, son?

How's the poultry pushing business?

I don't know, Dad.

My heart just ain't into my work.

Come on, J .J., snap out of it.

Anyhow, how much heart do you need to deliver chicken?

Dumb, I really messed up today. One of my big customers, too, the Thomas's.

They're usually a wings family, but by mistake I brought over two buckets of

legs.

And when you're into wings, you don't like to mess with no legs.

Mr. Thomas got so mad he nearly broke both of mine.

Oh, come on, J .J. Everybody makes a mistake.

Yeah, Ma, but I just can't concentrate.

J .J., you shouldn't let that thing with Joanne get you down. You have to

realize she's very busy and she's also a very popular girl.

I don't even think about chicks anymore.

Only chicks I bother with are the ones I deliver.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

Hold on. Now, that ain't fair to all the rest of them girls out there climbing

all over each other just to get a lock of your mustache.

Huh? Yeah, I wish I had a bad mustache like that.

You're so handsome. I hear that Billy Dee is eating his heart out.

Yeah, and Diana Ross tore up his number and is now looking for yours.

Stop it, all y 'all. Just stop it.

Now, look here.

Let's get something out front right now.

Dad, you're a handsome dude.

Ma, you're a beautiful lady.

Thelma, you're good looking.

Michael, you're good looking.

Tell me, what happened to me?

Can I change things?

You're our firstborn.

You were beautiful then, and you're beautiful now.

And what about all those girls?

There is Delightful Delilah, Gorgeous Gertrude, Marvelous Myrna.

Oh, Ma, let me tell you something.

Delightful Delilah is really Delilah the dog.

Gorgeous Gertrude is really Gertrude the gorilla.

And Marvelous Myrna is really Myrna the monster.

Junior, what you talking about?

Nah, Dad, I knew I was out of my class when I tried to date Joanne.

You know the kind of girls I go out with? The kind the other dudes reject.

I get more recalls than General Motorsport and Chrysler together.

J .J.

Well, I'm going to change for art school.

Oh, James, it hurts me to see him this way. I can't believe that's J .J.

Yeah, I know what you mean, baby.

I guess it's all my fault. I should have never brought Joanne here.

Oh, now stop that, baby girl. Sorry.

Well, Joanne really bowled him over.

Hello, Mrs. Evans.

Hello, Joanne.

Joanne? Well, hi, Thelma. Don't you remember we made up to meet tonight for

to help me with my fringe?

Well, don't you remember?

Oh, yeah.

Look, you guys better start studying right now.

Right now, here. Oh, come on, Joanne. Let's get started. Yes, honey. The

the better. Right, Ma.

Hi,

J .J.

Oh, hi, Joanne. I'm getting ready to go to art school. Bye.

Bye, y 'all.

Just a minute.

J .J., can I talk to you a minute?

You want to talk to me?

Yeah.

In private.

Privacy, why don't you sit down? Thank you, J .J.

Michael.

Don't you see they want privacy?

I'm reading this magazine. I ain't interested in what they're doing.

Get your butt over here.

Wow, J .J., I don't know how to begin.

Why don't you start at the beginning?

Uh, J .J., about the other day, when you asked me out for a date and I turned

you down?

Well, I got to thinking about it, and wow, J .J., I mean, the way I must have

sounded.

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.

Are you kidding?

I never even...

It was just that, well, oh, I was scared to go out with you, J .J.

Scared?

Well, yeah. I mean, I usually go out with all those big husky dudes on the

football team and the basketball team.

Well, J .J., I've never gone out with someone like you.

Someone like me. What do you mean, someone like me?

Well, J .J., what I mean is just that, well, you're so

intellectual.

J .J., you are deep.

You are just a creative genius.

I know.

I don't like to brag, though.

Brag, brag.

Anyway, J .J., the reason I was scared to go out with you is that, well, I

wouldn't even know what to talk about.

I mean, J .J., I'm not the smartest person in the world, you know.

Who cares?

Look here, Joanne.

If you still want to go out, you know, well, maybe I may be able to

find the time.

Hallelujah, our boy is back to normal.

Amen. Well, what night would be good for you, J .J.? Well, let me see now.

Schedule is pretty tight here.

Well, no, right here.

How about, uh, tonight?

Wow, J .J., I got to study with Thelma.

And, well, I thought you had to go to art school.

I do, but I'll be home by 9 .30, and McDonald's don't close till 11. We got

whole evening ahead of us.

Wow, that sounds hip. I just hope I don't disappoint you.

No way.

Well, Until then, au revoir.

Bon ami.

Que sera, sera.

Like your son really has class.

We know.

Good Times is recorded on tape before a live audience.