Original subtitles

Good times, anytime you need a payment. Good times, anytime you feel free.

Good times, anytime you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled.

Keeping your head above water.

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs.

Good times, easy cra -

Daddy, you can fix just about anything, huh?

Well, I don't want to brag, son, but yeah.

J .J., what you painting?

I'm painting that fine -looking lady who just moved across the way.

See?

You must be desperate painting someone in another apartment.

Well, I got to get my model somewhere.

I just wish she would hold still.

Why can't she be like Whistler's mother and just sit in a chair?

you crazy.

Just hold still, baby.

Just take it easy.

No, no, no. Just take it easy. Calm down.

Yeah, good.

She's still. She's making a telephone call. Good.

I'm memorializing you on canvas.

Well, if you feel that way about it, pull down the shades.

She did.

That'll teach you to stick your nose into other people's windows.

Hey, J .J., why don't you paint a picture of Thelma?

Hmm, I'd rather paint the shade.

The way you paint, you need to pull a shade over.

Excuse me, Michael.

Sounds like Wilona.

Yeah, get the door, Junior.

they're even stealing a lot.

Yeah, it's rough out there.

The tidy bone man trading in his rowboat for a battleship.

Hey,

James, you still trying to fix that old lamp, huh? Yeah.

Are you ready down to the laundry room? I think so.

I think we got everything.

Detergent. Detergent.

Bleach. Bleach. Police whistle. Police whistle.

What's the use? You whistle and the police don't come.

Maybe they don't have...

you to do.

Ma,

why don't you take J .J. down and put him in the washing machine?

His head is always going around in circles anyway.

Well, the ghoul of the ghetto has spoken.

You know, Ma, instead of taking them police resources down there, y 'all

take a picture of Thelma.

Y 'all definitely scare away the mugger.

I'm a combat veteran, you know.

But come to think of it, Korea wasn't half as dangerous as that laundry room.

Oh, that's all right, James. Cora Washington's coming with us, and she

Louisville slugger and swings it harder than Hank Aaron.

My God, are you ready to go into battle?

Ready.

My only regret is that I have but one life to give for my pantyhose. Oh.

on the door and not being able to go down to the laundry room without

protection, this is no way to live.

Maybe we should move into one of those fancy security buildings on Lakeshore

Drive. No, they'd never take us. We ain't got no French poodle for the

to walk.

We could put a leash on JJ.

Daddy, I think there'd be a lot less crime around here if we had more black

cops. Yeah, don't bet on it. If you're a crook in this neighborhood, old age

will get you before the cops will.

snatched last week. We called the police right after it happened and they

haven't shown up yet.

Well, I still think the answer is more black cops.

No, no, Michael. The answer is the manly art of self -defense.

Karate.

As you can see, my entire body is a deadly weapon.

Yeah, it looks just like a spear.

I can't either. Y 'all sure got that fast.

Yeah, we sure are, and we bring with us some good news and some bad news. The

good news is we didn't get mugged. The bad news is somebody ripped off the

washers and dryers.

Yeah, the dudes around here will steal the shine off of Kojak's head.

James, I have just about had it with all the muggings, the assault, stealing

everything that ain't nailed down.

should have to put up with. Oh, now calm down, baby. Things are going to get

better. I don't see how. When your Avon lady is selling brass knuckles and tie

chains.

And all them locks on the door.

Quiet as it's kept. They ain't going to keep nobody out if they really want to

get in. Well, baby, don't worry about that no more.

Because anybody breaks in here, they're going to get broke.

Because I got a popper, a popper, a real crime stopper.

That's right, a gun.

Now, the line for crime is drawn at that door. Anybody that doubts it, I'm going

to make a believer out of them real fast.

Daddy, where'd you get it?

Getting a gun in the ghetto is easy. All you got to do is look in the yellow

pages under violence.

Well, anybody can get a gun anywhere. Inside Chicago, outside Chicago, it

matter. Daddy, do you have a permit to own that gun?

Yeah, I got a permit. I permit me to own a gun.

one of those Saturday night specials? Mm -hmm. I hear they go off if you even

breathe on them hard.

Oh, James.

I'm afraid of guns. They're dangerous to have around the house.

Well, I ain't nothing to worry about. Ain't nobody gonna touch a gun but me.

Good decision, Dad. Good decision.

But suppose you're not here and I must protect the more defenseless members of

the family against some lawless intruder. Can I get a rod and whip them?

Junior, trouble breaks out and I ain't here. You do what you do best.

Yell for help, hide in the corner, and shake till I get here.

I don't want nobody touching this gun. Nobody.

Is that clear?

Honey, I'm sorry, but I just can't relax with a gun in the house. Lord, the way

them streets are nowadays, we can't make it without a gun. Yeah, Mom.

Dad on that gun is the same as you on that whistle.

You got your style of blowing dude away, and dad's got his.

James, if somebody did break into the house, would you actually use that gun

them? Is fat meat greasy?

Gee, Thelma, this is the best breakfast you ever made in your whole life.

Best breakfast you ever made in your whole life.

J .J., you want some milk?

No, thanks, Thelma.

I'm not without your makeup on, because with your face, you're probably

curdleless.

Don't be fixing me no breakfast.

My stomach don't have no food poisoning insurance.

That's right, because after you collected on that accident you call a

canceled the policy.

Well, maybe I should use your insurance company, Ugly of Omaha.

All right, now.

All right, you two, that's enough.

Now, I don't feel like listening to that stuff this morning. I already got a

headache.

Tell me to get a dollar out of my bag, go down to the drugstore and get me some

aspirin.

JJ, you go wash up.

Oh, Ma, why I gotta wash up? Why can't I be like Thelma and just spray on some

cologne?

Go watch.

Good morning.

You didn't sleep too good last night, did you?

What makes you say that?

Two elbows to the jaw, a knee to the ribs, and a left hook to the chop.

Well, I was a little restless, but I didn't mean to keep you awake.

You didn't. The last elbow put me out like a light.

Sir, you know, I really... Couldn't sleep good last night.

Just thinking of having a gun in the house scares me. Well, then quit

about it. How can I quit thinking about it when it's still here?

Anybody in this house could get a hold of that thing.

Now, Floyd, I tell you, ain't nobody gonna touch the gun but me.

I'm going outside and practicing shooting. Oh, my God.

You see how nervous I'm getting about that gun?

Baby, you're making a big deal out of nothing.

Nothing? Did you read that article in the Defender?

It says that in the United States, someone was shot every minute with a

The dude must be often full of holes by now.

James, that ain't nothing to be making no joke of. When people keep guns in the

house for protection,

80 % of the victims are husbands, wives, relatives, and good friends.

And it's far worse with blacks than with whites.

Which means we don't have to worry about tomorrow because we are killing it off

today.

Now, Florida guns don't kill people. People kill people. With guns.

And it ain't going to stop until some of these politicians get the guts to

outlaw them. Well, they ain't going to outlaw guns because the bad guys will

always find a way to get them.

Well, maybe.

But there wouldn't be so many good guys.

if it wasn't for other good guys' guns.

You know something, baby? One of these days, you're going to thank me for

getting that gun.

Maybe. But it ain't going to be no time soon.

Yeah? Miss Evans?

Yeah? I'm Patrolman Wigmore, and I'd like to talk to you about some stolen

property.

Hey, now, wait a minute. My mother didn't steal anything. You apologize to

lovely lady.

Don't say a word more until we get a lawyer. Get lost, Junior.

Ma 'am, what I want to ask you about is a property that you reported stolen last

week.

Oh, yes, yes. Come in. Thank you. Come in, please. Thank you.

In our preliminary report, it says a man stole a bicycle from a Mrs. Evans.

It wasn't a bicycle, Columbo. It was a purse.

Oh, yes, a purse from a Miss Georgia Evans.

Well, it's not Georgia, Bonnevie Jones.

who committed this crime. Can you tell me anything about him at all?

Yes. He runs fast.

Tell me something, officer.

How come you didn't come around here when we first reported this thing?

Well, Mr. Bevins, that's Evans.

Evans' crimes are being committed here so fast, we can hardly handle them. But

we're making sure that law enforcement is the same here in Chocolate City as it

is out in the vanilla suburbs.

But in the vanilla suburbs, the cops come in two scoops, whipped cream, and a

cherry.

All we get here is sprinkled nuts.

us a description at all i don't know it happened so quick all i remember is that

he was wearing a leather jacket all right now you got a description get

evans a man wearing a leather jacket ain't no description he's gone your

daughter says she's okay

With anything on your stolen bicycle, I'll let you know.

Buzz, I'm telling you, nowadays you can't count on nobody but yourself.

James.

James, what you doing? We're going to check it out. That's it. No, no, I ain't

letting no dude get away with putting his hands on my daughter. James, now

a minute, Miles. How do you know you're all right? You're hysterical.

would happen. I just knew it.

Now, Floyd, I don't want a whole bunch of them. I told you so. Where's the gun?

James, I didn't take that gun. Well, if you didn't, who did?

James, I don't know who took that gun, but you better believe I didn't.

how are you expecting me to believe that when you the one said you wanted me to

get rid of it, and you the one said you couldn't sleep with it in the house? And

I am also the one who is so afraid of a gun that if I laid one finger on a gun,

I'd turn white as a sheet.

And if that don't prove Ma's innocent, nothing will.

James, I never wanted a gun in the house, but believe me, I didn't take it.

Well, the gun didn't just jump out of the box by itself. itself. Now, somebody

in here moved it.

Well, don't look at me, y 'all.

Guns are made for killing. I ain't no killer.

See, I'm a lover.

See, to me, a Saturday night special is getting a chick to say yes after she

said no six other nights of the week.

Please, James, she's been through enough for one day.

I'm sorry, baby girl.

Floyd, are you trying to prove a point?

No, James.

Now, look, baby, you ain't never lied to me all the years we've been married.

Now, don't start now. Did you have anything at all to do with the gun

disappearing? James, I haven't seen that gun since you showed it to me

yesterday. Well, the gun didn't just jump out of the box. It's got to be

here somewhere.

Daddy, maybe you didn't put the gun in that box like you thought. Maybe you put

it someplace else. How could I put it someplace else when I put it in this

look very, very carefully.

I'm checking, Dad. I'm checking.

Come on, Florida. Let's look in the bedroom.

Oh, James.

Oh.

James, please.

Oh, James, please stop it.

Oh, thank you.

Now, Florida, I can't be looking for no gun if you're going to stand here

playing this is the way we fold our clothes.

Any luck, Salma? No, Dad, he wasn't in the bathroom.

How about you, Junior? I didn't find the gun, Dad, but I did find his tootsie

roll pop.

What now, James?

I don't know what now. All I know is I put that gun in this box and put this

in that closet. Then maybe a moth ate it.

Wouldn't be too hard to find. All you have to do is look for a pregnant

moth.

and just forgot where.

Oh, Floyd, I don't forget things.

Hey, Flo.

Where did you get your new layout from? Better homes than garbage?

You can thank my interior decorator here.

Black Tornado.

Well, I ain't gonna hardly get into that mess. Just came by to see if you heard

the news.

Yeah, we heard the news, Wilona. Now go home.

James! I ain't in the mood to hear none of that Mickey Mouse gossip.

This ain't no Mickey Mouse gossip, Grumpy.

A five -year -old kid on the third floor accidentally shot himself this morning.

Oh, my God.

What? Yeah.

It's like you're reading the papers all the time. A child placed with a gun that

went off.

And from what I hear, nobody knows where the gun came from.

Somebody must know where it came from. It must belong to somebody. Somebody

have stole it or lost it.

No, it can't be. It can't be.

What kind of gun was it, Wiloma? I think they said a .32.

Oh, thank the Lord, James.

It was one of them Saturday night things.

Florida, my gun was a .32.

James, no.

Now, wait a minute, baby. Don't you start thinking nothing like that. There

a million guns in this country.

Who's to say that that gun was yours?

Florida, a man knows what he knows. Oh, James, it still don't have to be yours.

Well, Lona, this kid that got shot, where's he at? James, James. Hey, I

know how serious it is, but I'll go see if I can find out, okay?

Thanks, Lona.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

Come on, James.

Now, don't start persecuting yourself like this. You didn't have nothing to do

with it. As good as pulling the trigger.

Come on, Dad.

It's not your fault.

Probably why somebody snuck in here while we were sleeping last night and

us off with a gun. Junior, you think that makes me feel any better?

Kid wouldn't be hurting now if I hadn't had a gun to steal. It was supposed to

be for protection, but who in God's name did it protect?

Hey, what's going on here?

Y 'all fixing to move without telling me?

Please, Michael.

We ain't in no mood for no joking.

A little boy in this building accidentally shot himself this morning.

I know, but his brother told me he's doing pretty good.

He is? Yeah.

Thank God.

What's going on?

Your father's gun is missing, Michael.

We think that somebody stole it last night and somehow it wound up with the

who was shot.

The gun that shot him wasn't Daddy's. Oh, it was mine, and don't tell me no

different. But, Daddy, it wasn't your gun.

Last night I started wondering, what would happen if you really ever lost

temper?

So I took it.

Michael!

Yeah, I took it and I hid it. You hid it from where?

In the bottom of that lamp you were fixing yesterday.

Here it is.

Yeah, that's it, all right. I recognize that anyplace.

Looks just like me. Slim, black, and...

Now get rid of it.

All right, baby, we still need it for protection.

I'm glad for what you did, Michael, but I'm going to still have to punish you

because I told all of y 'all I didn't want nobody touching this gun, and you

did. I'm sorry, Daddy, but I just didn't want to see you do anything that might

have gotten you into trouble. He's right, James.

But, Michael, that gun is no toy for you to play with.

Mama, I'm no dummy. I had enough sense to take the bullets out before I hit it.

See?

Just looking out of the window, watching the asphalt road,

thinking how it all looks and we die.

Good times, good times, keeping your head above water,

making a wave when you can.

Temporary layoffs, good times.

Good Times is recorded on tape before a live audience.