All language subtitles for Good Times s02e20 The Houseguest

Good time, anytime you need a payment.
Good time, anytime you need a friend.

Good time, anytime you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting
hustled. Keeping your head up above

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good time.

Must you go for your food?

I can't help it, Ma. It's been so long
since my stomach's tasted ham, it just

keeps saying to my mouth, don't bother
chewing, just send it down!

Mama, can you cut me three more slices
of ham?

Three more slices?

Yeah, I want to make a sandwich.

One slice of ham between two slices of
ham.

One more slice of ham. How's that?

Thanks, Daddy. Oh, I feel sorry for rich
people. You have to be poor to

appreciate a meal like this. I'm glad
you all are enjoying it because there's

plenty of it. And for the rest of the
week, you're going to be ham happy.

You're going to have ham hash, ham loaf,
ham stew, and ham soup.

And just so you won't forget it, I'm
going to bronze the bone.

I'll get it. No, I'll get it, Mike. You
stay and eat that ham you wanted so bad.

And clean that plate, too.

Yeah? James Evans.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, don't you recognize me?

No, I can't say that I do.

Cartersville, Mississippi.

Harris, him and Fred Harris' son.

Very pleased to meet you, Mrs. Evans.
It's my pleasure to meet you.

James has told me so much about you and
your folks.

Ernie, these are my kids. That's my
daughter Thelma. She's beautiful.

Yeah, my youngest son, Michael.

Oh, he's a handsome lad. And the one
there with the ham is my oldest boy,

Junior. As you can see, I'm the one who
got the beauty in the family rolling.

I see you didn't waste no time getting
off the block.

Come on, help me clear the table. Okay,
Mom.

So tell me, man, what brings you to
Chicago?

Well, I'm just passing through on
business, but I had to stop by and say

to my old partner.

Well, I sure am glad you did, man.

Well, how long has it been now?

No, what is it?

30 years since we were kids together.

Patches?

Patches. Well, you've got some memory.

Baby, in case you're wondering how I got
the nickname Patches when I was a kid,

I was so poor I always had to wear
patches on my pants.

I thought where you lived...

The kids want patches on their pants.
Yeah, but, baby, I had patches on my

patches.

I never realized things were that bad,
Daddy.

Yeah, see, baby girl, my folks were
sharecroppers. We did all the cropping

the landlords did all the sharing.

It was evil times.

Big depression.

A lot of folks out of work. Folks
waiting in the relief line.

It's almost as bad as 1975.

I'll tell you, if it hadn't been for
Ernest's folks here, we never would have

made it through that year.

See, they had a little grocery store and
they used to let us have all the food

we needed on credit. Told them we could
pay them back whenever we got the money.

Things sure are different today.

When you go to the market now, not only
do they not give you credit, but if you

don't grab a can fast enough, they stamp
your hand with a higher price.

Right on that, baby.

Well, Ernie, you sure had some good
folks.

I was sorry to hear that they passed on,
man. Yeah, but they had a good life.

Look here, we sitting here fat
-mouthing, man. I bet you hungry.

Babe, why don't you cut Ernie a piece of
that ham? Oh, sure, James.

I don't want to be any bother now. Oh,
it's no bother at all.

Come on over here and get you something
to eat. Well, if you say so.

There goes Hash Monday.

Maybe you ate the ham.

Maybe he's Jewish.

Give Ernie a can of beer, will you?
Sure, Daddy.

That was lucky. For a minute there, I
thought he was going to cut into my Kool

-Aid supply.

Oh, J .D., you're always thinking of
yourself.

Can you think of a better person?

Here you go.

Thanks, Michael.

Here you are, Ernie.

Thank you.

Well, Ernie, I guess you took over your
folk store, huh? Yeah, for a little

while, but a little old country business
like that wasn't for me. I wanted to

move into something bigger, you know?
So, well, I sold it.

From the way you're dressed, I'd say you
made the right move.

Ooh, I love that ring, Mr. Harris. It's
beautiful.

Oh, do you now? Well, I tell you, it's a
rare opal. First stone of October.

October? Look like the whole 12 months.

Yeah, he looks just fine, man.

So what kind of work are you doing now,
anyhow?

I'm in public relations.

What's public relations?

Well, that's when you, uh, relate to the
public, Michael.

Like, uh...

When them big oil companies raised their
prices and the public got angry, said

they had to spend a lot of extra money
on public relations to smooth things

over. Where'd they get the extra money?

They raised the prices again.

Well, that's all part of the game.

You see, I represent all kinds of
clients, companies, people.

It's my job to help their image, you
know?

How much would you charge for J .J.?

You're going to have to forgive them.
This is just brotherly and sisterly

Yeah. JJ?

Yeah. Come on.

You got a wife now, kids?

No, no, I'm not the mayor in kind.

Besides, my business keeps me traveling
too much. Huh? Oh, hey, listen, I'm

sorry. I hate to eat and run, but I got
a busy day tomorrow. I got a lot of

clients to check in, and I've got to
check into a hotel.

It's very nice meeting all of you in
Florida.

That ham. Oh, it was delicious.

Hey, look here, Ernie.

I know you can afford to check in any
fancy hotel in town, man, but we'd sure

appreciate it if you'd stay with us.

Wouldn't we, baby?

Oh, you'd be more than welcome.

I wouldn't want to put you in that
trouble.

Trouble? After what your folks did for
me and my family? Wait a minute, man. I

want to show you something. I bet you
ain't never seen these before.

Since we got married, your folks give
them the...

Me and Florida's a wedding gift.

It's the only silver we ever own.

And we are so proud of it that we only
use it for special occasions.

Yeah, like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and
O .J.

Simpson's birthday.

Well, now you can see how we feel about
you wanting to stay with us, son. Yeah,

well, I appreciate it, brother, but I'd
be inconveniencing you. Oh, it's no

trouble at all. Listen.

one more sardine ain't gonna bust the
can.

That's right. Now, Florida can move in
with Thelma. I can flop on the couch

the boys, and you can take our room.
That's right. No trouble at all.

Well, you see, I am messing you up. No,
you ain't mine.

Yes, you are.

Did you say something, Junior?

Uh, what I said was, uh, welcome to our
bed, Dad.

That's what I thought you said.

I thought you two would

never stop telling stories.

Well, it was a lot to remember, baby.

Boy, that Ernie's something else, ain't
he?

I bet you his folks sure would be proud
of him if they could see him now.

James, I just thought of something.

You know, this is the first time since
we were married we won't be sleeping

together in the same bed.

Hey, you're right.

Look here.

I got an idea.

Why don't we take Ernie's bag and check
into a motel tonight?

Easy, lover boy. You know what they say.

Absence make the heart grow fonder.
Yeah?

Well, I don't need no absence. I'm
feeling fond right now.

Well, I don't want you to start me
feeling fond, too.

Good night, Miss Evans.

Good night, Miss Evans.

Good night.

Andy, I thought you'd gone to bed.

I wish I could, but I gotta go out and
meet a client. This time of night?

Well, that's public relations for you.
You know, you gotta keep working at it

night and day, huh?

Well, good night. Hey, Ernie. You better
take this key with you, man, since

you're gonna be coming in late. Oh, hey,
thanks, man. I didn't even think about

that. I'll see you all in the morning.
All right.

It's an awful strange time to be doing
business.

Well, you know, he's a big executive,
baby. Them big executives don't be

punching no time clocks.

I bet you President Ford and his
economic commission meet late at night

time. Yeah, that's so nobody else hear
them crying.

Good night, James.

Good night, baby.

Michael, what is keeping your brother in
that bathroom so long? He's looking in

the mirror. He hates to say goodbye to
himself.

Junior, bring your narrow butt on out
here and come on to bed.

Well, Dad, looks like you're all set for
tonight because you're sharing... the

sack with kid dynamite

junior

are you gonna ever go to bed just one
time without wearing that dumb hat can't

do it dad just in case i go sleepwalking
one night meet some groovy chick i want

something to tip to her

I'm used to sleeping on the left -hand
side.

Over and under, son.

Ah, boy.

Hey,

do I have to sleep in the middle? I'm
liable to get stabbed to death with J

.J.'s bony elbow.

I'm used to sleeping next to Michael.

All right, Junior Chef.

And

wait

a minute.

Now I'm in the middle.

See,

we're running a wishbone formation, and
tonight you...

Ain't you going to say your prayers?

Johnny, if I had said my prayers, I
swear you wouldn't be here right now.

Good night,

Daddy. Good night, son.

Good night, Johnny.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Michael. Good night, JJ.

Good night, John boy.

I don't want no more hustling around in
here.

I'm going to say this one time and I
ain't going to say it no more. I don't

to hear another sound in here except my
own snoring.

Now, good night.

Good night, Michael.

Don't y 'all start that mess again here.

I mean that.

Well, now, who could that be this time
of night?

It's probably Ned DeWine who got lost on
the way to his apartment.

Get up and see if you can push him in
the right direction, Junior.

And what y 'all want here?

We're looking for Ernie Harris.

What y 'all want with Ernie Harris?

Some friends of ours in Cleveland would
like us to get in touch with him.

You see, Ernie rolled a cold dice.

He got into him for $5 ,000.

Split. And we all thought of a
collection agency.

Uh...

the collection plate?

You hear that Ernie might be in this
neighborhood.

Oh, no, man. Ernie ain't been around
here. Somebody must have gave you all a

steer. Oh, you don't have to worry about
Ernie. He can pay you all back easy.

He's a big -time public relations man.

Y 'all didn't see that ring you got on?
Shut up!

Why did you have to lie?

on his way.

Besides, what would he want to hang
around here for? Yeah.

If that's your story, we won't hassle
you, man.

Look, if you happen to see Ernie Harris,
you tell him if he don't come up with

the cash, the big public relations man
is going to have a nice private funeral.

I feel real good about Ernie, too.

Damn, that's about two evil -looking
dudes, wasn't it, Junior?

Yeah. I tell you, Ernie ain't exactly in
the friendly hands of all states.

Look, when we go back in the house,
don't you breathe a word of this to

I don't want the family getting upset
about this mess.

You don't have to worry about me, Dad.
I'm frightened enough for everybody.

Hey, Patches, what are you still doing
up?

I thought we might have us a little talk
this morning, Ernie. Oh, man, couldn't

it wait?

It's almost 4 o 'clock in the morning.

Well, you must have really got wiped
out, huh?

I see you done even lost your ring.

How you manage to do that, trying to
make an eight the hard way?

It was a six.

All right, all right. So I was playing a
little friendly game of crap. What's

wrong with that?

Nothing, except that you had two
unfriendly callers tonight.

Something about you leaving a bookie in
Cleveland holding $5 ,000.

I'll take care of that. It's my problem.
Uh -uh. It's my problem now, Ernie.

See, I got a family. I can't have no
hoodlums coming to my door.

You didn't just happen to drop into the
neighborhood. You was looking to use my

place as a hideout. Oh, come on,
Patches. No, man. Listen, I had to hide

here. Man, they were getting close.

Besides, our family were friends.

Well, man, now you know I love your
mother and father, man, but I can't have

this. Now you get yourself some rest and
you clear out of here first thing in

the morning.

Okay. And I'll tell you something. You
better be stepping fast, brother.

Them cats said if they catch up with
you, you're going to be polluting Lake

Michigan.

Yeah, they ain't going to kill me for no
five Gs.

Ten, yeah.

But for five, they just break your arm.

Yeah, I know.

This one never did set right.

Lord have mercy.

I'm going to be going shopping this
morning.

I wonder what Ernie would like for
dinner.

Ernie ain't going to be staying for
dinner, babe. As soon as he gets up,

going to be leaving town.

I thought... He was gonna be here for a
few days. Didn't you say... I thought I

spoke to him late last night and he said
something came up and he got to leave

town. Yeah, for his health.

His health?

He looks the picture of health to me.

Yeah, but he don't want no holes in the
picture.

What are you talking about, J .J.?
Nothing.

He ain't talking about nothing. You know
something, Junior?

Your mouth starts working early, but I
swear your brain don't start till 10 o

'clock.

Then it goes right back to sleep a
minute later. You got some nerve going

there. You ain't, you ain't... All
right, now, that is enough.

I'm sick and tired of these cat and dog
fights.

James, why are you so upset? What's
wrong? Nothing, baby, nothing.

Well, you sure make it sound like
something. Quit bugging me now. I said

nothing. Well, then you stop yelling.

Boy, do they get in bad moods when they
don't sleep together.

Now, how would you like some strap with
that oatmeal?

Let's have some quiet and eat. Stop all
this yapping.

Morning, everybody.

Speaking of yapping, you come to head
yapper.

Can't you two ever have a pleasant hello
for one another?

I'm willing.

Hello, James.

Hello, Alona.

I'm going to have the envelope. I want
to see which one of us just won the

Academy Award.

Would you like some coffee, Alona?

Thanks, honey. I came over to ask if I
could borrow something.

That figures.

Uh, Milano, what is it you want to
borrow?

Well, I'm giving a special dinner party
for my boss and his wife tonight. Oh.

And I want everything to look just fine,
so could I borrow your silver salt and

pepper shaker? Oh, sure.

Oh, Flo, that's wonderful. It would be
the perfect touch. I have a linen

tablecloth with matching napkins,
elegant candlesticks, crystal -cut

and a bowl of flowers for the center.

Ah, that sounds fancy.

What are you serving?

Pizza.

I see other than chicken delight.

Well, serve them a lot of wine
beforehand, and then they'll like

serve them. Okay.

Well, Honor, whatever you do, guard this
with your life, huh? Don't worry,

honey. Oh, and you don't need to bother
about polishing. I already did that,

see?

Oh, no. Mom, what's the matter, Mom?

What is it? They're gone.

What do you mean they're gone?

They're not here, James. I don't
understand.

I understand it. We've been ripped off.

Could you have misplaced them anywhere?

No.

Baby, I feel so sorry about this.

Look, I'll go down and see if I can find
a policeman.

This might be one of their visiting days
in the neighborhood.

Oh, James.

This is the only valuable thing we ever
own.

Oh, Ma, don't feel bad.

Maybe it'll turn up.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Well, listen, I hate to just run off
like this, but I gotta catch an early

plane. You mean an early pawn shop,
don't you?

James, what are you saying?

Ernie, them silver salt and pepper
shakers I showed you yesterday, you

happen to find them around here nowhere,
did you?

No, no, of course not. Well, I got to
get moving that plane. Now, wait a

Wait a minute. James, what are you
doing? I know what I'm doing.

Come in here, eat my ham, sleep in my
bed. Oh, no.

Yeah, and then steal from me.

Yeah, baby, he was going to hock him.

A successful businessman like you. I
don't understand that, Ernie. Yeah.

Well, baby, it seems like our successful
businessman ain't nothing but a

gambler.

Translation, loser.

Boy, Ernie, I knew you was sick, man,
but I didn't think you stooped to

stealing.

Oh, come on, man. I wasn't stealing
them. I was just borrowing them.

Oh, I could get at least $10 for them.

Hey, listen, I got a sure thing running
in the fourth at all times. Yeah, it's

going to pay at least $8 to one.

Tell you what, I take that money, I put
it on his nose. When it comes in, I can

parlay it. That way, I can get into that
crap game.

Oh, come on, man. I know I... I can do
it. I did it before.

Listen, you know what I did one time?

I took $5 and ran it into $20 ,000.
Yeah?

How long did it take you to lose it
back?

Half hour.

James is right. You are sick.

You don't have to gamble.

If you need a quick buck, have you ever
considered going on a let's make a deal?

Hey, I don't know what kind of trouble
you're in, but it seems to me that it's

no different than being hooked on
alcohol or drugs.

Now, you need help.

And there are places that can do it,
like Gamblers Anonymous. I don't need

because I don't have a gambling problem.

I'm as normal as any one of you.

Yeah, and would you knock it off with
this lecturing? I mean, I got enough of

that from my wife.

I thought you said you weren't married.

Yeah, well, I got a wife, two kids, and
she took them and left because she

didn't understand me either. Ernie, that
store you said you sold, you didn't

sell it. You lost it gambling, didn't
you?

Oh, man, I just had a bad streak.

That could happen to anybody.

Yeah, you're right.

I'll tell you what.

You want them?

Go ahead and take them.

No, no, no. It's all right. It's all
right, babe. Now, you can see how much

mean to us.

But if gambling means that much to you,
man, go ahead and take them, hock them,

pawn them, bet them on the ponies,
anything you want. But you can be damn

of one thing. If you do walk out here
with them, you're sick, right?

Sick.

No? Then stroll on out the door without
them, Ernie.

Well, I'll get them back to you.

With interest.

Kids, I'm sorry y 'all had to see that,
but then again, maybe it's a good thing

you did.

Maybe y 'all learned something about
gambling from it.

I know I did.

Two to one, I'll never place a bet in my
life.

Looking out of the window, watching the
asphalt road,

thinking how it all looks when we die.

Good times, good times, keeping your
head up for water,

making a wave when you can.

Temporary layoffs, good times.

Good Times is recorded on tape before a
live audience.