Original subtitles

Good times, any time you need a payment. Good times, any time you need a break.

Good times, any time you're out for Monday.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head up for water.

Making a wave when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good times, easy credit ripoffs. Good times,

scratching ass.

Has anybody seen my pin cushion?

Oh, yeah. I hope you don't mind, Ma. I use it as part of a still life of a bowl

of fruit I was painting.

JJ, you use my pin cushion in a bowl of fruit?

Yeah, Ma. That's true ghetto artistry. You use what you got.

I use your pin cushion as the apple.

Dad's socks as the avocado.

Michael's basketball as the pumpkin.

space as the limit.

Just bend a little and you can throw your body in as a banana.

You got something on your old Chiquita banana?

You two knock it off, please. I'm trying to figure out these bills.

What kind of shape are we in financially this month, James?

Well, we... in a position to challenge the Rockefellers.

But we ain't headed for the poorhouse either, baby. For once, we are in the

black. For once.

Everything paid for, James. Everything, baby. Rent, utilities, and luxuries.

Daddy, you forgot to mention food.

These days, that comes under luxuries.

Family, say hello to George Washington 35 times.

Hello.

and he has 24 % fewer termites.

You know, baby, it sure seems strange having money left over at the end of the

month. You children are responsible for that, you know. Your part -time jobs

help to put us ahead.

This never happened to this family before.

What are we going to do with the extra $35 change? I don't know. Whatever we

we better spend it today, because tomorrow it ain't going to be worth but

.50.

Hey, baby, why don't you take the money and buy something for yourself?

Something silly. You deserve it.

Hey, I just had a better thought of what to do with that money.

Huh? I'd like for Thelma to take singing lessons with Gertie Vincent.

You really mean it? Oh, Ma, now Dad said do something silly, not insane.

Now, J .J., your sister has a very pretty voice, and I think she ought to

chance to develop it. Mark, it really has...

I think so.

Right, James?

Yeah, baby. Matter of fact, you can call Gertie right now and make the

arrangements. Oh, I will.

Oh, thank you, Daddy.

Oh, you're welcome, baby girl.

Singing lessons.

Give me the basketball. I'm going outside to shoot some, man. Okay. Make

nobody rips it off. My next painting is going to be a cantaloupe. Okay.

Thanks.

Later, everybody.

All right.

You know, we have a surplus after Thelma's singing lessons.

invested in something smart like an earplug factory.

There's going to be a big demand around here.

I guess she ain't home.

Well, I'll get it, Ma. Okay, sir.

And the same to you, Jive Turkey.

Hi, Mrs.

Winston. Hi, Selma. That old meathead janitor. I put a quarter in the washing

machine this morning. It didn't work, and I started some kicking. When I put a

quarter in, and it don't work?

I kicked that machine myself.

I didn't kick the machine. I kicked the janitor.

Boy, Gertie, you are something else.

Hey, I was just calling you.

Well, good. Then I saved you a toll call.

Gertie, you live right upstairs. You ain't no toll call.

Oh, yes, I am. You know what they say about old Gertie Vincent.

She is far out.

I just love your sense of humor. You've got to have a sense of humor at my age.

The way I see it, you come into this world, the first thing that happens to

you get a slap on your behind from your doctor, and the slaps, punches, and

kicks don't stop until they put you in a pine box.

So I'm gonna laugh all I can before I'm boxed.

I hope I get a nice -looking box boy.

Beautiful philosophy, Mrs. Vincent.

That's Ms.

Vincent Thelma.

I'm returning your cake. Okay, good.

Florida, that chocolate cake was out of sight. Well, thank you.

Reminded me of my late husband. Sweet, black, and satisfying.

about? We were thinking about asking you to give Thelma voice lessons.

Oh, I don't think that's going to be possible.

Good move, Gertie. You just saved yourself from a terminal earache.

One more crack out of you about your sister singing, you're going to have a

terminal buttache.

Gertie, we're ready to pay money. I know, James, and I know that Thelma has

lovely voice, but I'm giving up teaching. No more lessons to anyone. I'm

retiring.

Retiring? You, Gertie?

I thought you lived for your thing. I do, and I enjoy it, but it's getting to

so much of a hassle. But what will you do if you retire?

Oh, lots of things, like racing muggers to the bus.

Sitting in the park with my woman friends, watching our suppos wrinkles.

Well, I'll see y 'all.

Oh, Thelma, I'm sorry.

I would have loved to have worked with you.

Thanks again for the cake. Oh, you're welcome, Gertie.

Bye, men's Vincent.

Well, now that we all regained our senses, why don't we do something small

the surplus money, like send me to art school in Paris?

Junie, the only way we could send you to Paris for $35 would be to mail you

there.

We won't have any trouble slipping him through the slot.

You'll probably wind up in a deadhead letter office.

You've got some nerve talking about deadhead. Go on, please, Farrah.

You

know,

I just can't get over Gertie deciding all of a sudden to retire.

An active woman like that?

Yeah. She always struck me as being like Walona's mouth, running all the time.

She said she loved teaching and being around young people, said it kept her

young. Well, she's 67 years old. She's entitled to retire.

It's strange, though. She's such a lively old lady.

Yeah, but Thelma, what's she going to retire to?

Maybe she found herself a lively old man.

Hi, y 'all.

I just came by to show you the new clothes at the boutique.

They sell those?

Every chance we get.

like something from Goodwill that's been rejected by the Salvation Army.

Well, the boutique is keeping up with the times.

This is the latest line of fashion called the Recession Rags.

Is Madame going to the unemployment office this morning? Well, if so, she

wear these new blue jeans with the ragged cuffs, patches there and patches

there. Hey!

After five at the bread line, we suggest the same attire, but with this funky

blouse. Hey!

A loaf of bread, $25.

Well, I ain't rich enough to look that poor.

I'm a hit.

Well, that concludes the fashion show. Now on for the gossip of the day.

Well, here it comes. The Rona Barrett of the projects with the 5 o 'clock news.

We got some 5 o 'clock news for you, Rona.

What? Gertie Vinson just left here. And would you believe it? She is retiring.

She ain't giving singing lessons no more.

That's just the headline.

I got the inside story.

Do you know about the trouble she's having?

Come on over here.

I got all the information from a friend down at the Social Security office.

What kind of trouble? She gets $200 a month Social Security, which is not

to live on.

That's why she's been given the singing lessons to get a little extra money. But

do you know that every extra $2 she makes giving a singing lesson, they take

away a dollar from her Social Security check?

What kind of a deal is that?

It's a new dance they invented called the Washington, D .C. Buggy.

Every time you take two steps ahead, they drag you back in.

So that's why Gertie decided to retire.

It just doesn't pay to give singing lessons anymore. You know it. Flo, they

us stuck right in the middle. People work hard all their life. to qualify for

Social Security, and then when they get it, it ain't enough to make them feel

secure, and it sure ain't enough to make them get social on. Well, it just goes

to show you, no matter how bad off you think you are, there's somebody hurting

worse. I just got an extra nickel. Mrs. Vincent gave it to me for carrying down

her garbage. Oh, Michael, you shouldn't have taken money from Mrs. Vincent. That

poor woman don't know where her next meal is coming from.

If things are that bad, Mama, why'd she buy a dog?

Michael, Miss Benson ain't got no dog.

Then how come her garbage was loaded with empty dog food cans?

Gertie's garbage loaded with empty dog food cans? Yeah, Mama. Oh, no.

It's hard to believe.

That means that Gertie is down to eating pet food.

Oh, that's awful.

That's a quiet shame. Enjoy it.

Can't be that bad.

Lassie ain't never been sick a day in her life.

I don't know, folks. I don't know what I'm saying. I mean, I'm so shook up. I

know what J .J. means. I feel down in the pit of my stomach. Oh, James, we've

just got to do something with that poor woman.

What about a protest?

That's a great idea, Mike.

James,

you and Flo come up with any ideas to help Gertie count me in, okay? All

I just hope this doesn't happen to me when I'm 65.

one has to be eating pet food.

Well, the least we can do is invite her over to dinner tonight.

Yeah.

Eating one more person sure ain't gonna send none of us to bed hungry.

That's right.

Wow, Ma, that's a pretty big chicken you're cooking.

If you're having chicken for dinner, then we have no problem having one more

guest, because Ma is the number one chicken mathematician in the whole

Make a chicken last for three days.

making meals go a long ways, but three days?

Well, now that's kind of stretching things.

Oh, Ma, it's just that you haven't kept track of your mathematical wizardry.

Day number one, you slosh the bird around in some boiling hot water, we got

chicken soup.

Day number two is the teaser. You take the wings, the thigh, and the neck, and

you got something so yummy, it tickles the tummy.

Day number three, you got the leg, the thigh, and the breast.

And you got something so light, we call it chicken dynamite.

Well, your mama's going to have to be some kind of magician to get Gertie over

here for dinner.

How so, baby? Just tell her we're having chicken and she'll come on over here.

We done had her over here for dinner before.

Yeah, once or twice a month.

But you gotta remember, we just had her over to dinner the day before yesterday.

Now, if we invite her back again so soon, she's bound to get suspicious.

She's a proud woman.

Yeah, I know that, but we just gotta figure out some way to have her over

for dinner, that's all.

Yeah.

Thelma, you and JJ set the table. Okay, Mom.

You want me to set a place for Mrs. Vincent, too?

Of course, Thelma.

Will you move?

It's all his violence.

Gloria, have you figured out some way to get over here?

I don't know.

Hey, maybe we can convince her it's a special occasion.

A reason to celebrate. Why can't you just say, Mrs. Benson, we heard you're

having a hard time and we'd like to share our chicken with you. That would

telling her the truth.

That's right, Michael.

But I'm not... So sure, it's quite the diplomatic thing to do.

Diplomatic?

Yeah, son, that's the word that's used mostly by people in government.

See, when they want you to vote for something, but they know if they was to

you directly what it is they want, you wouldn't vote for it. So they tell you

something else, and then you end up voting for it. That's diplomacy.

That's lying.

That's the same thing.

Are you going to use diplomacy to get Mrs. Vincent over here to eat?

Well, Michael...

There's only one way to act, and that's deal straight from the shoulder.

That's right, Ma. Tell her like it is. There's no sense in beating around the

bush. I'll just call her up and say, Hello, Gertie.

Florida.

Look, we're having a little celebration. It's JJ's birthday.

Yes, and we'd like for you to come over to dinner tonight.

Oh, we really would like for you to come.

Good.

Then come right over. We're just getting ready to sit down. Sit down.

Straight from the shoulder, huh, baby?

Oh, I'm a lousy diplomat. No, baby, you're great.

I tell you, I'd rather have you doing the cooking than Henry Kissinger. Oh,

thanks, honey.

Hey, hey.

You wouldn't do that to Henry Kissinger.

Henry ain't got what you got.

That beats pet food any day.

You know, Mom, I read somewhere that almost one -third of the dog and cat

produced is being eaten by people.

Well, the way things are now, honey, I believe it.

Oh, that's Gertie. I'll get it.

Now, listen, children, I want you all to behave as normal as you ever do.

Hi, Mrs. Vincent.

Hey, Gertie, come right on in. Have a seat. We're just getting ready to sit

and eat. Oh, thank you, Jason. It's so nice of you all to have me over.

need to bring dessert. We got a full meal. Oh, this is not dessert. This is

main course. I'm a pretty good cook, you know, and this is my specialty,

meatloaf.

do with it. You know, folks eat my meatloaf and leave the table raving.

Maybe they got hydrophobia.

Oh, Gertie, that was awfully sweet of you, but I've already made chicken. Now,

Florida, you listen. You've had me over as a guest dozens of times. Please allow

me to do something in return.

No, no, no.

You're our guest.

I'm an old woman and a stubborn one. If you don't allow my meatloaf to be the

main course, I won't stay.

Bye.

That's too much. What?

Well, we'll just remove the chicken and my meatloaf will be just perfect for J

.J.'s birthday.

I'm going to still be chicken about eating that meatloaf.

Better chasing foxes than I'm going to be chasing cats.

Junior, since you the birthday boy, you get first.

Hi, am I intruding? Oh, no, Wilona.

Come on in.

Yeah, come on in. We're just getting ready to eat, though. Come on, Wilona.

us all the gossip. Yeah, have a drink. Yeah, for a couple hours.

How you doing, Gertie? Hi, Wilona.

What about dinner?

Well, that's what I came over here for.

You did?

I burned my own dinner so bad that my stove was like a towering...

to change this seat. There's plenty of meatloaf for all of us.

Michael, baby, get yourself a chair.

But you know me, you know, we ain't said grace yet, and I wouldn't think of

taking a mouthful of food without saying grace, Gertie.

But, Dad, you never say grace, not you.

I mean that you are the religious leader of this house. You are, yes.

J .J., why don't you say grace?

And don't be too long about it, J .J. When my meatloaf gets cold, it loses

of its bite.

is my German shepherd and...

So

that's what's been going on.

Do you think that I would give my friends pet food?

Well, Gertie, if you enjoy it, then...

Of course, I couldn't afford better that sometimes I eat pet food. Well, I do.

But that doesn't mean that I would try to fool my friends with it. That is real

meatloaf, believe me. I should have known better.

I'm sorry. Can you forgive us?

Of course.

Well, in that case, let me quote the late, great Ren Tintin.

There's a lesson in all of this for me, too.

You people have been so busy trying to help me, and I haven't done a thing to

try to help myself.

Well, now I'm going to.

Well, what you going to do, Gertie? I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself

because I've been caught between a rock and a hard place. All right. I have

spent years earning my Social Security, and I want it. And I'm not going to say

that this old bag of bones is going to be retired.

That's right.

If you still want them lessons, I'm available.

I do, but what about your Social Security?

I'm going to fight for it. Good. There are a lot of old folks around in the

boat I'm in.

The only trouble is they don't get together. They stay in their private

miseries. But I'm going to get them together. And together we can.

And if you want any more meatloaf, just howl.

Howl!

Good Times is recorded on tape before a live audience.

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