Original subtitles

Good times, anytime you need a payment. Good times, anytime you feel free.

Good times, anytime you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled.

Keeping your head up for water.

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good times, easy credit ripoffs. Good times, scratch

it and survive.

Hang this on the door for me, honey.

Okay, Ma. We better put this under lock and key.

Why? Because the way things disappear around here, even Santa Claus could be a

rip -off.

Just a main part of a still life I was painting.

Two onions and two apples.

Crazy. Didn't you read my note?

I owe you two onions and two apples.

Signed, The Mystery Mom.

models for.

For the turkey dressing.

And wait till you taste it.

Where's your cousin Naomi?

In the bathroom as usual.

Yeah, she spent more time in there than a tidy bowl man.

Now look, children.

It's been three years since your cousin Naomi, your Uncle Oscar, and your Aunt

Millie have been down here to see us from Fayetteville. And Thelma.

I want you and Naomi to try to get along better.

You're about the same age.

You should have a lot in common.

Ma, I try to be nice, but she's strange.

What do you mean?

I mean, like, she laughs a lot at almost anything.

Mama, what's wrong with a good sense of humor?

Yeah, Ma, but she laughs at the shower curtain.

Well, I don't care. I think it's just wonderful to have Ken visiting us.

I sure don't like.

Oh, what's wrong now, Michael?

You know that ugly Charlotte McDaniel on the first floor?

Well, I was walking by, and she opened the door and said, Michael, can I talk

you for a minute?

So I went over there, and before I could do anything, she pointed to the

mistletoe over the door and kissed me right dead in the mouth.

Yeah.

Well, Michael, you always said you believed in black unity.

I hate lipstick.

She makes me sick with her ugly stuff.

I hate lipstick, too. When I kiss a female, all I want to taste is female.

Hey, Daddy, you look neat.

Yeah, I am as clean as a chitlin'. You're a real handsome man.

Oh, thank you. Boy, you look sharper than a wax dummy at Marshall Fields

Department Store.

that you sure got a way with words.

Oh, they're having a little Christmas jam down at the car wash.

Oh, that's nice.

Boy, what a great place to have a party.

You can wash, dry, spray wax, and bomb all the things.

Baby, you sure you don't want to come along?

Oh, I wish I could, but I got a turkey dinner to fix. There's going to be nine

of us.

Yeah. Look, I ain't going to be down there that long. Just grab my bonus and

split. I just hope it's something decent this year. Oh, I'm sure it will be.

Yeah, well, you remember that jive job I had last year? The boss promised me

something extra in my Christmas envelope. I got it, too.

A note saying you're fired.

Now, but this Christmas is going to be different. This one's going to be great.

We got a lot of food on the table. We all got our health. And we got family

visiting with us.

Sorry, I almost forgot.

I got to get downtown to meet Oscar Millie. I promised to show him some of

sights of Chicago.

See you later, baby. Okay, love.

Daddy, if Naomi's folks are interested in some weird sights, we can start right

here and give them a tour of JJ.

Hey, now, look who's talking. The girl celebrates Christmas by looking like

Halloween.

I'd like to stick around here and watch the holiday festivities, but I got to

get moving. See you all later.

Hey, where's Naomi?

She's in the bathroom.

That girl's in the bathroom again?

Damn, she likes to stay clean, don't she?

You get it for a Christmas present now, a bunch of free passes to the car wash.

Now, wait a minute. I don't like y 'all making fun of my side of the family.

When did I ever laugh at your side of the family?

By the way, did we get a card this year from that bow -legged cousin of yours?

The one with the nappy toupee that keeps blowing off in the rain?

Good job, baby.

Good job.

See y 'all later.

Okay. In Florida.

Don't burn the bird. Oh, go on.

Is Naomi going to get out of there soon?

I got to use the necessity room.

She'll be out in a few minutes, honey. In a few minutes? Oh, girl.

Look, children, your cousin Naomi is shy.

She's just a little country girl, remember.

You know, JJ, you can help her out with that shyness.

Why don't you take her out once in a while?

Oh, you want to ruin my reputation?

I'll have you know you're looking at the Casanova of the Windy City.

Speaking of windy.

Oh, dear. See who that is, JJ, please.

Okay, Ma.

Hi, y 'all. Hey, Ma.

Hey, now.

Season's greetings from the family and me. If you ain't a partridge, get out of

the pear tree.

tree looks beautiful.

Ah, thank you, Ilona.

How'd you do down at the boutique? Did you get a nice bottle?

Girl, let me tell you about this.

The boss called a whole staff around and said, well, as you all know, this year

has not been the best economically for the country.

Oh, for the boutique. But however, in keeping with the spirit of the season,

there is something for each and every one of you.

So you're correct, I would say. Right, right on.

And you know what she gave us?

A sequin, W -I -N.

W -I -N? Hey, well, that stands for whip inflation now.

Wrong. Around there, it stands for we in need.

She's in there again.

Still. Ooh, she's having a great time in Chicago.

All she's seen so far are the plumbers.

She'll what?

I think Miss Cleen's about to make her debut.

There goes the chair from underneath the door.

And here come Miss Clean.

Oh, JJ, you cut that out. Now you know there's no chair in the bathroom.

Well, I think we're all together.

Hi, Naomi.

Hi, Lona.

I just love hot baths. Steam really makes the skin smooth.

But it sure wrinkles the wallpaper.

Michael. Thanks.

Oh, Michael, let me make sure I didn't forget anything.

Dry skin cream, wet skin cream, dry skin cream remover,

wet skin cream remover, dry and wet skin cream remover

neutralizer. I wish you had something to remove you from that bathroom.

If I run across any empties, I'll bring them back for a deposit.

Oh, Michael, I did forget something.

I think Michael's time is running out.

Why don't you take your cousin Naomi to meet some of your friends now that she's

all freshened up from her steam bath?

in this cold air with her paws all wide open. The hawk will whistle through her

body so hard it'll be plain Dixie.

There. That takes care of everything.

Say, I got some last -minute shopping to do.

Look, uh... I won't be long, sweetheart.

Oh, that's okay. I'm sorry.

Why don't you come go with me? Oh, great, because I got to get some more

and some more okra to finish what I got to do.

Oh, if you're going to be carrying groceries to this neighborhood, you'll

me along to ride shotgun.

Hey, Ma.

Why? I know it's the season to be jolly, but somebody just ripped off my...

I know the water in Chicago has a lot of things in it.

But I never knew it was 80 proof.

Flo, you got this place looking like the main dining room of the pump plaza. Two

tables, no wake. Hey, well, if it wasn't for your tables and chairs.

we would have to make two settings, or else put five at the table, three on the

couch, and one on the floor.

I sure have a lot of extra work on you, Ma.

Oh, I don't mind, honey.

I'm just so happy to have kinfolks at Christmas time.

It sure puts me into the holiday spirits.

I know someone who's really into the holiday spirits.

Hey, baby, you better set another place.

Set a seat for Mr. Jack Daniels.

Speaking of peeking, I've been peeking at this bird. Where'd you get it? Weight

watchers?

Well, it weighed 12 pounds before it was blood.

What? It looked more like it was mud.

Your folks said that they was going to stop over and see some old friends over

on the south side, so they'd be here shortly, huh?

Well, in that case, I better put some more makeup on. All right.

Hey, James, if you're pouring, I'll...

But they told me to open this, and we got one open back here. All right. I'll

get the glasses all together here.

Yes. I'll do the pouring.

Okay. Start it off right.

That's good.

For you.

And for you. We'll have a little water with mine. Yeah, let me have some water,

too, please. Hey, Flo, how about you? Oh, you know I don't drink. Oh, come on,

Flo. I mean, it's the Christmas holiday. A little taste won't hurt you. Come on.

Just a little one.

had lasted from your birthday to michael's birthday that was almost 10

i'll drink to that see what i mean i'll drink to this i'll drink to that any

excuse i'll drink to that oh

that's not funny what's the matter i'll be with michael if you want me

it's not like film i'm gonna talk to her baby You know, kids are just like yo

-yos up and down. Now, just sit down and enjoy yourself here. Come on.

Maybe a ride.

Now, where were we?

I'll drink to that.

Yeah,

that was good.

Now, where's the whiskey?

It smells like Chicago water.

Tastes like Chicago water.

Well, Chicago water got everything in it except whiskey.

Order two.

Now, somebody's been emptying these bottles. Now, who the hell would do

something like that?

Who would use a glass and put it back up here without washing it?

James! Smell that.

That's booze.

And that's J .J.'s glass.

Yeah, but, baby, you know Junior don't drink no booze. Nobody in this family

does. Well, it shouldn't be too hard to find out who's been boozing.

I was reading an article that listed the warning signs of an alcoholic.

The things to look out for are forgetful, defensive, uncoordinated, and

exaggerated sense of one's own importance.

Exaggerated sense of one's own importance?

Yep. That couldn't be anybody in this family. That's what the book said.

Stop it, you two.

Tell me, honey, why can't you tell mama exactly where you've been?

Hey, everybody's picking on me.

You been drinking?

Huh? Oh, wow. How did y 'all guess?

Oh, no.

Well, it was Christmas, so I got a jug in. Lester got a jug. They mixed my red

Kool -Aid.

could come in. Oh, yes.

Hey,

Arthur, Millie, you all remember my good friend, Wilona?

I did see her.

I did see her again.

That of all the family and relatives we've been visiting, we feel most at

with you.

Well, maybe that's because everybody else tells us to go back to our own

I asked them to do what you're happy to say, Arthur.

Now, we picked up a little something to help out today. dinner.

Now, let's get this holiday underway.

Neither me or the turkey can make it on one wing.

Now, Oscar, you know, the doctor warned you not to drink so much. Oh, who

worries about doctors? I know a lot of old drunks, but no old doctors.

foreign people.

You're so busy sneaking into bottles, you wouldn't have known if the Chicago

band stampeded through here.

Don't be square. I'm only getting into the holiday spirit. With you, every

a holiday.

I don't like waiting till the last minute.

Naomi, do you know what you're doing?

Naomi, do you know what you're doing?

Of course I know what I'm doing. I'm having fun.

Well, I've seen plenty of that kind of fun.

A 16 -year -old boy drove his father's car... off a bridge just for fun. A girl

was babysitting and she almost drowned the baby in the bathtub.

Now how's that for fun? A drunken kid tried to fly off the roof like one of

pigeons. And all this fun happened right here in this neighborhood.

What have you got to laugh about?

I don't live in this neighborhood.

Oh, you don't? Well, there are half a million kids living in the bottle and

live in that neighborhood.

Half a million?

That's just fine, because I hate to drink alone.

What's the matter with feeling good?

You don't feel good. You're an alky. Now, wait a minute. I am not an alky.

That's what you think.

Alcohol is the number one teenage drug problem in the country today.

And, Naomi, you need help.

Don't worry, sugar.

I can handle it.

Sure you can.

Well, go on.

Think on me to the family.

Goody two -shoes.

Well, what are you waiting for?

For you to say the one thing that proves you're hooked.

And what's that?

That you can quit any time you want to.

Well, that's right.

I can.

I can quit any time I want to.

Everyone's waiting for you.

Well, in that case, one foot a rope.

Y 'all know every Christmas before the dinner, Florida usually gives this

speech and prayer like, come on, come on, do it, baby.

Well,

it goes like this, so.

We gather together. Yeah, that's it, that's it. And then she finishes up with

this beautiful prayer.

How'd the prayer go, baby?

We thank you for this feast. But let us not forget those who are hungry.

We thank you for our health. But let us not forget those who are ill.

We thank you.

For our friends. But let us not forget those who are lonely.

And let us not forget our blessings so they can be shared by all.

Now, come on, baby. Do it. Do it.

There's nothing left to say but amen.

Well, you did that great, Flo.

I'd like to propose a toast. I'll drink to that. But first, everybody, a glass

with a little taste of the grape.

First, the youngest.

Michael? No.

Michael is too young. He don't drink.

Oh, don't be silly, Florida. You want him to grow up to be a man, don't you?

Michael will have milk.

Oscar, our kids don't drink no liquor.

Oh, come on. A little wine never hurt anybody.

Elma's been drinking wine since she was four years old.

She drinks champagne at our anniversary, brandy at New Year's, and... And don't

forget, Daddy, don't forget one more thing that I drink on Sammy Davis's

birthday.

I know you won't believe this, but for a while there, I was afraid she was on

drugs.

I wouldn't get a chance to open these presents.

Here's one we can open first.

It's to all of us from Santa Claus.

To the Evans family, you may all have one wish for Christmas signed Santa

Tell me you go first.

Well, I wish that something good happens for Naomi and that she gets help.

Since I'm the one that plays Santa Claus for this family, my wish is that all y

'all's wishes come true.

Good Times is recorded on tape before a live audience.