Original subtitles

Good times, anytime you need a payment. Good times, anytime you feel free.

Good times, anytime you're up and under.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head up for water.

Breaking away when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good times, easy credit ripoffs. Good times,

scratching ass.

Hi, James.

Mm -hmm.

Ooh, whatever you cook, it sure smells good. Almost drowns out the Lysol in the

hallway.

Special stew I'm making. It's called Beef Surprise.

Beef Surprise? Mm -hmm. Every time you find a piece of beef in it, you yell,

Surprise!

Ooh, baby, that sure smells good.

Honey, did you find something nice for Michael?

Yeah. I got him a fine pen and pencil set.

Just look at this, baby. How do you like it?

Oh, James, that's beautiful.

Yeah. It looks like real gold.

No, that's what they call gold plated, which means don't breathe on it too hard

or you go right through to the tin.

Oh, James, this is a milestone.

Yeah. Oh, I just wish they had graduation ceremonies for public school.

could sit there proud.

Oh, don't worry, baby. Michael had plenty of graduations for us to go to.

He'd probably be offered more scholarships than a 250 -pound tight

know it. Law school.

That's right.

I can see him now arguing his first case.

Is the counsel for the defense, Michael Evans, ready to make his closing

statement? I am, Your Honor. Very well, then proceed.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, whereas and wherefore we have been

factoed,

As in the case of habeas and corpus versus telly and surveillance.

The prosecuting attorney has tried to prove that my client was drunk while

driving the car.

I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt with irreputable proof and all juicy

prudence that he was drunk before he got into the car.

James, you are crazy.

Yeah, I know.

But, baby, that's part of my charm.

Honey, we are flying along with time, and I'm enjoying the ride.

You know, Michael just graduated, Selma doing well in high school, and even JJ's

getting by.

Have mercy.

Yeah, you know something, baby? We sure turn out good stuff.

Yeah, but you better turn off. I think we got all the inventory we could use.

Hello, dear mother.

Hello, dear father.

Hello, dear world.

I hope y 'all appreciate me as much as I'm appreciating y 'all.

I think you've been hitting that Kool -Aid too hard, man.

I just scrolled home with my girlfriend, Henrietta.

We walked arm in arm all the way, only stopping once for an overturned garbage

can.

When I was a gentleman, I let her step over the potato peels and the chicken

bones while I stepped over the winos.

Love in the ghetto.

I tell you, Dad, she's the hot sauce on my ribs.

She's the bacon grease in my collard green.

She's the fuse that sets off Kid Dynamite!

Well, I don't know about Kid

Dynamite!

But you're sure built like a fuse.

That dance sure smells good, Ma. Who else come to dinner?

It's just the family.

And Wilona.

I got an idea.

How about if we invite Henrietta over so y 'all can meet my intended?

Intended? Junior, you ain't thinking about getting married, are you?

No, but I intend to go as far as I can up to that.

Okay, JJ, call Henrietta until the dinner's at six.

Gee, thanks, Ma.

But I already told her to be here at 545.

Hey, Junior.

I bet you got your nose so wide open, Aunt Henrietta, you forgot all about

Michael's graduation present, didn't you? Oh, now, come on, Dad.

How can I forget my kid brother?

I got him the greatest present of them all. A J .J. original.

A masterpiece.

A portrait of Michael himself.

Oh.

Son, that's nice.

Let me put him in a nightgown.

Not a nightgown, boy. That's the role of a Supreme Court justice, which

Michael's going to be someday.

How come you painted the robe purple?

That purple has a definite symbolic meaning.

What does it symbolize, son? It symbolizes that I'm out of black paint.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go put on my party threads for

And thanks again for inviting over.

Saves me the expense of taking her out for a snow cone.

You know something, baby?

You sure do breathe good, Doc.

We got a good family, Tate. Yeah, you're the best thing ever happened to me.

You're beautiful. You got brains. Plus, you're built just perfect. Whoop. Two

out of three ain't bad.

Hey, what did I tell you about putting yourself down, huh? Now, Detroit may be

pushing them little economy jobs, but personally, I like the big luxury

With the soft of holstery.

Not again.

You hug and kiss so much, nobody would ever guess you're married.

You know something? We don't know the time in any one of your strong points.

How you gonna say that?

I've caught you every time, haven't I?

Hey, what is this?

That's Michael, as J .J. sees him. A Supreme Court justice.

Oh, that's groovy.

He's gonna make it, too, because he's got your brains and determination,

Well, you can come in without knocking any time.

James, Florida.

I'll be and show you what I got for Michael's graduation. Wait till you see

we got.

Are you ready?

Ta -da! Ta -da!

Oh, no.

Oh, it's all right, Wilona.

Michael's so smart, he can use a sip for each hand.

No, I'll get him something else. I'll see you all at dinner.

All right.

Six o 'clock, Wilona. Okay, and don't forget, I'm bringing the cake. I got a

chocolate cake with chocolate icing, with chocolate filling, and power to the

people spelled out in chocolate chips.

black, he gonna send it back.

Come on, James. Let's get James.

After all, you know, the father of a Supreme Court justice has to be properly

attired at all times. So come along, Your Honor.

All right, Your Honoress.

Watch it, James.

I was, baby. That's why I did it.

for smarts. Boy, wait till you see that celebration dinner that Mars got whipped

up.

That's Lysol.

Michael, you gots to close the door quicker.

Might not be a celebration dinner.

What do you mean?

Henrietta's coming over.

I don't think Ma and Daddy are going to be in a party and move when they see

this letter Michael has for them.

It's the result of that IQ test I took, JJ.

That's no problem. You could pass that with one brain tied behind your back.

What's it say?

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Evans, as you can see by the enclosed mark of the IQ aptitude

test, your son scores among the lowest in the school.

Based on his score, it's my advice that instead of an academic career, your son

enroll in a trade school.

Michael, why don't you want to tell me?

How can a kid as smart as you get such a low score?

I don't want to talk about it, Thelma.

You're right.

That's the only way we got to break this to them gently and slowly.

How slowly, J .J.? After dinner, when I take Henrietta home.

about you. You're sitting in a neutral corner.

Come on, Dad. Just let us be here.

But it ain't nothing I can't wait till after dinner.

Say, Jay.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, now.

I can't believe this.

Yeah, this is going to make sense.

Mike, you get straight A's in school. How can you get such a low score on the

test? I never even bothered to finish the test.

I didn't like the question, so I walked out.

Walked out?

Oh, didn't like the test, huh?

Didn't like it, huh? I got something else you didn't like. James, please.

Now, Michael, there must be a better explanation for you walking out than you

didn't like the test.

Sorry, Mama. I don't want to talk about it. Oh, you don't want to talk about it,

huh? Well, I got news for you, mister.

Ain't going to be no graduation celebration.

Ain't going to be no dinner. Ain't going to be no present. Ain't going to be no

nothing. Do you decide you do want to talk about it? Oh, now, come on. All

right,

hold it. Hold it. Calm down now. Hold it. I said hold it. Hold it.

Now, son, we're talking about school. I mean your education.

So I don't want you to give me no more of that I -don't -want -to -talk -about

-it jive here. Michael, you just might have messed up your whole future

that IQ test.

Furthermore, you're messing up my future with Henrietta.

Don't borrow your needle and thread. I like to sew those lips up.

Oh, now, come on. I'm a part of this family, and I have a right to speak my

mind.

I said that's enough now.

Michael, we had high hopes for you. We didn't figure on you going to no trade

school. Now, wait a minute. There ain't nothing wrong with trade school.

You learn a lot of things there.

And besides, a lot of plumbers make more than lawyers.

Your membership in this family is getting shaky about a minute.

Tell us what's really bothering you. Mama, they don't know it, but that IQ

was nothing but a white racist test.

Oh, Michael, how could it be a white racist test?

All school children take it of all colors.

Yeah, but this one was given by the white people, made up by white people,

even graded by white people. It don't tell you how smart you are, just how

you are.

That's why the average black scores 15 points lower than the average white.

Yeah, but son, you ain't average.

Michael, you can pass any man's test in any color.

Maybe so, Daddy, but a lot of black kids can't. The black community is

different. It has a different language and culture altogether.

You mean to tell me everybody don't eat chitlins for dinner?

And speaking of dinner... I'm warning you, I'm getting ready to tear up your

birth certificate now.

Ask questions on a test like this. Complete the following phrase, cup and,

you have to choose from four words, wall, saucer, table, or window. You know

what my friend Eddie put down?

Cup and table. Because in this house, they don't have no saucers to put under

the cup.

You know something? When I was a kid, we didn't have no saucers to put on the

table either.

My house, we didn't have no table.

And get this question.

A mother and father and two children live in a five -bedroom residence.

The mother and father sleep in one bedroom, and each of the two children

room to himself.

How many guest bedrooms are there left?

Now, how many kids in the ghetto even know what a guest bedroom is?

Yeah. The only guest room we got around here is when somebody puts a sleeping

bag in the bathtub.

I didn't mention nothing about denim.

You know, there are not many kids around here who have a bedroom to themselves.

And how many of them even heard the word residence?

That's right. To them, it's a pad or crib.

What you're trying to say then, Michael, is it's hard to give the right answers

when you don't understand the questions, huh? That's right, Daddy.

And, Daddy, white students didn't do so good when they took the black

intelligence test.

Oh, now, Thelma, you know there ain't no such thing as a black intelligence

test. Yes, there is, Ma. It was made up by a black psychologist. And when he

gave the test to white students, they scored 35 points lower than black

students. White scored lower than blacks? Mm -hmm.

In that case, I'm going to demand they add points to my test.

and you can see this.

Listen, any of you kids got any idea where I could get a copy of that black

intelligence test?

Sure, Ma. I just need to wait for a copy of it. I'll get it.

What you got in mind, baby?

I got in mind that we ought to pay a visit to that guy who says Michael ought

go to trade school.

Come on, baby. We got time.

Yes, Laura.

Tell me you look after that student. Okay, Ma.

And could you all hurry along?

Henrietta will be here at 5 .45.

Will you get your mind off Henrietta? And get your behind off the door.

Mr.

Hargrove?

I didn't hear you come in. I was so engrossed in these statistics.

Miss Edwards, did you know that the intelligence of the average sixth grader

Peoria is 1 .23 different from the average in Chicago and 2 .7 different

the average in New York?

That's fascinating, isn't it?

Oh, yes.

There's a Mr.

and Mrs.

Evans here to see you.

They don't have an appointment, but they're very anxious to speak with you.

Well, send them in.

Yes, sir.

Yes, you may come in now.

Thank you.

I say...

We're Mr. and Mrs. Evans.

Oh, well, please sit down. Thank you.

Intriguing.

Intriguing.

Port Lauderdale is only .073 different from Anchorage, Alaska.

That's nice.

Well, what can I do for you?

Our son brought this letter home. It's a result of his IQ test.

Oh, yeah.

I recommended trade school. Yeah. Oh, your son's score was low. Very low.

Yeah, but see, the reason he got this... No, he brought down the general average

by .0037.

He got a low score because he didn't finish the exam. Well, now, that's not

unusual. Some pupils just can't think as fast as others. Well, now, would you

like to know the percentage of those who didn't finish the test?

Oh, no. It happens to be 12 and 4 eighths percent of...

Oh, you're black.

You know this. Well, the percentage is different with blacks. I'm going to have

to do the whole thing over again.

Now, wait a minute, Mr. Hargrove. No, it's 13 and eight -tenths percent.

Hey, man, we ain't here to hear a whole lot of yang -yang from your transistor.

This is an ABX technocrat.

We're not talking about numbers.

We're talking about our son, and he has a brain.

All three of our children have.

Three children. Now, that is unusual.

The average black family has four and two -thirds children.

Look, can you talk plain, man? The reason our son failed that jive test is

because it wasn't fair to blacks.

It isn't fair to Chicanos, Indians, Puerto Ricans. It isn't fair to any

minorities. Now, that's impossible.

You see, all our intelligent quotient tests are scientifically computerized to

accurately determine the intellectual potential of each student. I mean, it's

infallible. Well, if you doubt my credibility, then I will give you the

You see... Look here, Mark.

Unless you can tell me what the number's gonna be today, I don't want to hear

it.

Mr. Evans, you're pressing my computer finger.

Mr. Hargrove, with all those statistics in your head, you must have a high IQ.

Yes.

Yes, it's, uh...

178. You're a regular big head, ain't you?

I bet you I put you right up there in the genius class.

Well, I wouldn't want to argue with statistics.

Well, I guess it would be easy for you to pass an IQ test, huh? Oh, yes, yes. I

feel quite safe in saying that it would be, yes.

Well, then, I suppose it wouldn't be hard for you to tell me Malcolm X's last

name. Malcolm, X's last name.

Is it Little, Jones, Fannin, or Brown?

Mrs. Evans, I failed. Little, Jones, Fannin, or Brown?

Jones.

That's one it blew. I keep score, baby.

His last name is Little, Mr. Hargrove.

You just missed a question on an IQ test.

An IQ test?

Yes, that's right. Put together by Dr.

Robert Williams, founder of the Association of Black Psychologists.

Yeah, that's the book my wife is reading from. Well, frankly, I fail to see the

importance of whether or not I know Malcolm X's last name.

Oh, what you really mean is not important to you.

Okay, next question.

What's the meaning of the word alley apple?

Brick, piece of fruit, dog, horse.

Alley apple, piece of fruit, of course.

It's brick.

You missed another one.

Mr. Hargrove, you just brought the average down another 12 and two -thirds

percent.

TCB. I beg your pardon? TCB. Does it stand for that's cool, baby, they

breathe, taking care of business, or take careful behavior?

Oh, I think I know. I mean, I'm not totally ignorant of black idiomatic

TCB means that's cool, baby.

taking care of business.

Well, don't worry, Mr. Hargrove. I'll see if I can get you on the steam gun

to Colorado.

This is ridiculous.

All people are statistics, see?

I mean, you know something because you come from one culture. I know something

because I come from another culture.

Let me see if I can put it to you this way.

How are you going to know where I'm at if you ain't been where I've been?

Understand where I'm coming from?

Mr. Hargrove, your statistics may say that Michael goes to trade school, but

say no way. Our son is going to law school. Law school.

That's right. I warn you, the odds against that are very great and it's

unrealistic. You see, this IQ test that your son took was designed to save you a

great deal of pain and anguish. The lad can't possibly get that. Oh, here you

nice people. Just let me show you. Now.

The percentage of black youth who reach college is 6 .3. Now, undergraduate

school is only 4 .7. And under law school is only 1

.8. And passing the bar exam is 1 .5.

home and start sewing Michael's Supreme Court Robe. Come on, baby.

Just looking out of the window Watching the asphalt grow

Thinking how it all looks and it dies

Good times is recorded on tape before a live audience.