Original subtitles

Good times. Anytime you need a payment. Good times. Anytime you need a break.

Good times. Anytime you're up and under.

Not getting hassled. Not getting hustled.

Keeping your head up for water.

Making a way when you can.

Temporary layoffs. Good times.

big to hold 18 camels.

Yeah, I can't believe it. Junior, 18.

Boy, it seemed like just yesterday I was looking at him through the maternity

ward window making faces at him, huh?

And he was making faces right back.

Yeah, I remember the first time I saw him, the doctor was holding him after he

took him from me. And there was JJ.

Upside down, backside out, squirming all over the place and yelling a mile...

He ain't been that way for 18 years.

Ah, he was a beautiful baby.

Mm -hmm. I still remember how nervous you got, firstborn and all.

What you talking about, Floyd? I was cool.

Oh, sure. You were real cool.

When we checked out of that hospital, you paid the bill, gave the nurse a

and picked up a white baby.

This ain't gonna be easy. What's that, baby?

Putting all this lettering on this cake that J .J. wanted. He wrote down exactly

what he wanted.

Happy birthday and many happy returns to our beloved firstborn son, J .J.

Oh, that's nice.

Who has given us nothing but pleasure for the last 18 years. Oh, that's a lot

words. And who will continue to give us the same joy and pleasure during the

years to come.

Florida, how are you going to get all this? I ain't finished yet.

And who will be our pride and joy in our old age?

Baby, no way in the world you're going to get that on that. Way?

Signed, your grateful parents, Mom and Dad.

Well, you're going to have to add one more line to be continued on the next

case.

Hi, y 'all.

Hey, Walona, how you doing? How's it going? Girl, I had a rough time figuring

out what to get JJ.

I asked myself, what would an 18 -year -old boy want?

Well... I know, but it's pretty hard to gift wrap an 18 -year -old girl.

What did you get him?

I got him this groovy shirt. Had it made up special by a custom tailor.

A custom tailor? James, there ain't too many ready -made shirts gonna fit your

son's beautiful body.

So I said to the tailor, think of a telephone pole, add extra long sleeves,

you got it.

Yeah, Junior always was a problem. We used to have to put a net under his high

chair because it kept slipping through.

Well, Lana, did you stop at the store and pick up the present we got for J

Oh, honey, I forgot.

But don't worry, I gotta go pick up J .J.'s shirt right now and I'll stop by

get it.

You sure you don't mind keeping it at your place?

No trouble at all. It's just that we wanted to be a real surprise for J .J.

He's been nosing around trying to find out what everybody's giving him. Yeah,

he's as nosy as I am.

Nobody is, Maloney. You are the champ.

Later for you, James.

Sure is a pretty cake.

Wait till you see it with the 18 candles.

18.

What a great age.

I had that many candles on my cake when I was 14.

When you were 14?

When I was 14, I wanted to be 18.

And when I was 18, I wanted to be 25.

And when I was 25, I decided to blow out the candles, freeze the cake, and stop

the clock.

So I'll see you all at dinner. See you later.

Okay.

Baby, I can't wait to see the crescent on Junior's face when he sees them

presents we got him. Oh, he's going to paint up a storm when he sees those new

paints and brushes.

Yeah. And he's going to really flip over that genuine leather case with his own

initials on it.

$75.

You know, that's real big time.

You don't think we went overboard, do you? Mm -hmm.

What the hell, baby? I mean, it's our son's big day. He's going to be 18. I

to give him something better than I got when I turned 18.

What was that?

A draft notice.

James, you are a great father.

Well, why you say it so surprised, baby?

You knew the night you married me you had a great husband.

Well, how did we do it, Florida?

What did it take to get Junior to be 18?

Guts.

Ma, I got J .J. the bacon -flavored potato chips, but I didn't even bother

look for that other crazy thing he asked for. What was that, Thelma? A soul food

pizza.

Tomato and cheese sprinkled with chitlins and black -eyed pizza.

See, I told you, that boy is still upside down and backside out.

No wonder he didn't ask for fatback fortune cookies. He did.

That's my brother.

Mama, can you make a bowl of this? I can't do it. Sure, honey.

Hey, Michael, what'd you get Junior? A book.

On black history, right?

Nope, on white history.

You bought a book on white history?

Yeah.

Sorry about for the last 300 years, the whites have been holding down the

blacks.

Excuse me. For a minute there, I thought the militant midget had jumped out of

the league.

I won't rest until our people have everything the whites have. We already

it.

Unemployment, inflation, taxation, aggravation.

right baby when it come to misery they sure gave us our equal rights

I'll ignore that insult that slipped through your five and dime lipstick.

Dear mother, I know how happy you are to see your glorious son turn into

magnificent manhood.

And dear father, I can remember the first time we met.

Curating at me through the maternity ward window, making faces.

You're not thinking about dropping out of school.

Yeah, because you can forget that. Coming of age may go under your head,

ain't going to keep my strap from getting to your butt.

No, that's just a few hours after school.

What kind of job is it, J .J.? Big, Michael.

Really, really big.

I'm going to be ringing doorbells all over Chicago.

Don't tell me you became an Avonlea.

newest personnel representative of the instant, speedy, rapid -fire delivery

service. JJ, take out the lease and just say you're a messenger boy.

That shows you how much you know about big business, little sister.

I have you know they put me in their elite courier division.

I'll be carrying valuable things like stocks, bonds, and get -well cards.

Hey, sounds good. When do you get started?

As soon as I get bonded.

You know, to make sure I'm clean and everything like that. But I ain't

because I'm a model citizen.

Okay, Speedy, so how much are you getting paid?

The man says this is a wonderful opportunity.

Salary is not important.

That's what they've been telling me all my life, and they prove it by what they

pay me.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I get ready for my birthday dinner.

Okay, son.

Oh, Mom.

Did you get all those special things I wanted for my dinner?

Oh. JJ, I'm so sorry, but soul food pizza is not in season this time of

the year. That's all right, Ma. As long as you got my main dish, turkey stuffed

with pork chops, basted in Kool -Aid.

Ma, is he really your son or is someone trying to punish him?

I heard that.

Did you get the package put away?

There's something wrong.

I don't know how to tell you this.

Tell us what? I didn't get the present.

James, they turned down your credit.

Well, you got to be jiving.

I don't think she is.

There's got to be some mistake. I mean, we've been shopping at Wilton's

department store for years, baby. They got computers now that make all the

decisions. And according to the computer, your credit is zero.

Why, Daddy?

Oh, who knows, baby girl?

Ain't no telling.

Could have been something that happened years ago.

I mean, I missed the payment one month, but I made up for it the next month. It

don't matter, James. They got it on the computer.

Computer? Now, what does a computer know about how honest a man is?

And what does a computer know about what a father's feeling when he wants to buy

something special for his son?

Honey, we can still get him some little something.

Baby, I don't want to get him a little something. I mean, he's 18 today. I want

to get him something to remember.

James. Floyd, I'm telling you, baby, it hurts deep down in here. Now, I'm a man

and a father. I ain't no number.

I'm going down to that store and tell them what the hell they can do with them

giant turkey computers.

Please don't.

save some of that happiness noise for my birthday party?

Thank you.

James, it isn't going to do you any good to let it eat you up.

Florida, it just ain't right. Now, I've been an honest man all my life. Now, I

got some damn computer bad -mouthing me.

Well, if it was a man, I'd bust it in two. But what you supposed to do with a

computer? Blow its fuse?

Don't blow yours.

Look, James, you can always buy the art supplies from another store.

We'll tell J .J. there was a slight mix -up, and it'll be a day late.

Yeah, but, Florida, you don't understand how these things work. You know what

they told me down at the store?

They said that this computer feeds information to all other computers all

the country.

Right now, I couldn't get credit in an Eskimo trading post on a used igloo.

Damn, you planned something big for your son, and now it's spoiled.

Well, don't spoil it worse. I had a couple... and I sent Thelma to buy him a

sweater. A sweater?

Well, that's a hell of a come down from $75 worth of art supplies and your own

special carrying case.

I know a sweater ain't much, but it's something.

But David Jr.

was expecting something big.

How do you know?

He said to me the other day, Dad, I'm expecting something big.

Oh, honey, let's make the best of it.

We'll have a nice dinner, we'll be pleasant, and act as if there's nothing

wrong. Well, baby, that's going to take a lot of acting.

Oh, you can do it, James.

You can do anything.

Happy birthday to you.

of my life when I officially passed from boyhood into adultery.

Now that better be a slip of the lip or I'm going to knock you back into boyhood

again.

Just jiving, just jiving. But seriously, folks, it's wonderful to share this

occasion with all the people that I love.

And I'd like to thank you all in advance for the wonderful presents I'm about to

receive. Just go out the candles.

Okay, Ma. And don't forget to make a wish.

bigger chest, gonna stop down at the gas station for more air.

Just using one lung, Ma. We'll use them both.

Okay, honey, you cut the first slice.

Okay, Ma.

I wish that I could be so rich that I could sit back in my Cadillac and have a

Big Mac.

With my chauffeur spoon feeding me French fried onion rings.

If you don't get some meat on them bones, you can use an onion ring for a

preserver.

Enough of this murmuring. Let's get on to the main event.

How big they are, but it's just the thought behind it. Yeah.

The important thing is that we care and we love you.

Yeah, I know that, Mama.

Now, bring one of the presents. Let's see how much love I got.

Look at that. Look at that. You have today, Jack.

Cleaned up. Pretty.

That one's for me, JJ, and many happy returns.

Gee, Michael, what a surprise.

A book about the impression of brothers.

Me and you sleep together, and you're the little guy who talks in his sleep.

So what? You used to wet the bed.

Moving on.

Next, the thumb was wonderful cap.

How'd you know that? Did a little search and seizure in your room the other day.

hat, I'm going to have wall -to -wall hickeys.

Stop it.

Now, custom -made shirt from Maluna.

He's an Ebony Kojak.

Now that's class.

Conservative,

but that's class.

Now for the biggie, the piece of resistance from Mom and Dad.

That's nice.

Threw that in as a little extra, huh?

Where's the art supplies?

Junior. Where's the paints, the brushes, that leather carrying case with my

initials on it? Come on, y 'all. Stop jiving me now. Come on, y 'all. I've

looking for this. Where is this at? I can paint it any way I want to. Don't

me hanging.

Where is it, y 'all? There is no carrying case and no art supplies.

You jiving?

The sweater is all we got.

Yeah, that's it, son.

I want to apologize, because we wanted to get you everything you wanted. But we

ran into a problem.

Yeah, I found out after working my tail off all my life that my word and my name

don't mean nothing.

I don't understand, Dad.

Well, they got some computer down at the store that flashed the word all over

the world that my credit ain't no good.

It just ain't right. You're damn right it ain't right.

Ain't none of us nothing but a bunch of numbers in them computers.

They pick up on you in the day you're born and just pass the information

like a plate of grits.

Dad, I don't care what that stupid computer says.

You have more character and integrity than anybody.

Yes! Well, thanks, baby girl. Thanks, Michael.

Son, all I want to say is I'm sorry.

Sorry? What y 'all worried about?

Who needs a fancy leather carrying case with my initials on it anyway?

I'm a ghetto artist. Hey, Jay, you really did want it, though, didn't you?

Mauna, don't go putting yourself down.

It was a groovy dinner with a lot of out -of -sight prisons, and I thank all y

'all. Hey, you mean that, son?

Of course I do. Well, all right.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go pick up my date, Henrietta.

Date? But I thought you were going to stay home with us tonight.

Oh, didn't I tell you?

Must have slipped my mind.

You know, now that I'm 18, you got to learn to share me with the rest of the

women in the world.

Hey, thanks a lot again for making my party a groovy gig.

Thank you. Hey, have a good time. That date sure came up fast.

Well, baby, he's at that age where he got that natural itch. He just want to

a little scratching. Right on.

Dad, do you think J .J. was disappointed about not getting that present?

Oh, not too much, darling. You know your brother. The old junior bounced back

just like a rubber ball. Yeah, when you're 18, the world is your oyster.

And when you don't find a pearl in it, you just open another oyster.

Yes, you're right.

Well, looks like the party's over.

You want me to help you with the dishes, honey? No, thank you, Elona. I think I

can manage it.

I'm glad you said that, because I hate washing dishes.

Besides, it's got enough time to get back to my pad and look at my favorite

show, The Waltons. The Waltons is your favorite show?

Yeah, it's going to be a great show tonight. It starts off where they can't

the mortgage, the horse dies, the mule gets a migraine, and the drugstore's

closed, and then it gets sad. Oh.

help you clean up. No, you got homework to do.

You better get on it.

You too, Michael. Okay, Ma.

Oh, the birthday party didn't turn out too bad after all, did it, James? No,

baby. Matter of fact, it was a nice party.

Yeah. And you know what I was thinking?

Hmm. A couple of more birthdays and we'll be going to his wedding.

Oh, that's something I can't get ready for yet.

The idea of Junior getting married.

Hmm. Well, I can just see it.

All the people packed in the church, setting their knife and quiet and

dignified. Preacher standing up, getting ready to give the sacred vows. And here

comes Junior strutting down the aisle.

Mr. Preacher, I does.

Oh, maybe by then he'll be more like you.

Real serious.

You know, I still remember you coming down the aisle.

All serious, looking straight ahead, taking small.

Careful steps.

I had to. I borrowed them shoes from my uncle and he's about to eat my corn.

Oh, but you really liked that wedding party, though. Yes, Lord.

You remember our first dance?

How can I forget it?

It had to be you.

Wasn't that it? Yeah.

It had to be you.

I wandered around, finally found somebody.

Couldn't make me feel blue.

Couldn't make me feel true.

And even feel glad just to feel sad thinking of you.

The mother, the seed.

Wonderful you, it had to be you.

It had to be you.

It had to be you.

I wandered around, finally found me somebody who.

Amen.

No, James, no.

No. You have just seen part one of J .J. Gets Arrested. Be sure to see the

conclusion next week.

Here are some scenes from J .J. Gets Arrested, part two.

You're good, kid.

I like it.

Hundred prisoners in the jail and I got to be in a cell with George Foreman.

Five hundred dollars.

Well, we can get that kind of money. Hey, there.

I hear you all got caught in a long green squeeze.

Man, your troubles are over, because plenty money is here.

This is your first rent.

If you admit you did it and cooperate, the judge will go a little easier on

You see, we're here to help you.

Want a cigarette?

Yeah, thanks, man.

Just remember, I don't smoke.

Be sure to see the conclusion of JJ Gets Arrested next week.

Good Times is recorded on tape before a live audience.