Original subtitles

From Television City in Hollywood.

JJ, my face cream is gone and I know he took it. When I see him, I'm going to

knock him right upside his head. Tell me I took your face cream.

You, James?

Yeah, I had two pipes under the kitchen sink to screw together and I run out of

plumber's grease.

Really? Oh, don't worry, baby. First thing in the morning, I go down to the

store and buy you a nice big jar of plumber's grease.

James, you shouldn't tease her.

What was Daddy talking about?

Nothing. He heard... I heard that Flip Wilson won't be back next year, so he's

bucking for the job.

Hi, gorgeous family.

Hello, pretty sister.

Hello, lovely mama.

Hello, handsome papa.

Get out your wallet, James.

That's a can -I -borrow -five -dollars greeting, if I ever heard one.

You can forget that, Junior.

My wallet's so empty, make a mugger cry.

Oh, Mama, Daddy, I say these happy things because I'm a happy person.

Today, my joy is overflowing like a garbage can in the ghetto.

J .J., what you so happy about?

Did they remove the condemned sign from your great body?

Don't worry, Mama.

I feel so good today, I won't even bother to tell her that I hope a hot

a short circuit.

What is happening? You're happening in a rooster in a hen house.

Family, are y 'all ready for this?

Marcy Jones is crazy about me.

Oh, that's nice, J .J. What are we supposed to do, fire a 21 -gun salute?

Come on, J .J., stop fooling yourself.

Marcy Jones is the most popular chick in school.

She won the class beauty contest this year. Now, how did a girl like that ever

notice you?

Simple. When you're on the top of the heap, all you notice is the top of the

other heap.

And the minute our eyes heaped, I knew she was glad as night and I was the

Boy, Junior, you are something else with them chicks. I tell you, I can't keep

up with you without a scorecard, man.

You don't have to worry about that, Dad.

My motto used to be, a chick a day keeps dolls full of waves.

But ever since I met Marcy Jones, it's El Permanente.

Oh, believe what I'm hearing. Marcy Jones wouldn't give you the time of day.

Well, for your information, little sister, she not only gave me the time of

she will be here in approximately ten minutes.

What's she coming here for?

She heard about my ebony genius on canvas.

And she asked me to paint her portrait.

Oh, that's a nice idea.

Yeah, and you know how the models and artists work.

Paint 15 minutes, rest 15 minutes.

Paint 15 minutes, rest 15 minutes.

And you'd be surprised how much they can squeeze in those rest stops.

Oh, Dad, can I borrow your aftershave lotion?

For what? This ain't your week to shave.

Well, when you're taking on a girl like Marcy, you even shave on your off weeks.

Take it easy on that stuff. You got to get Marcy a fighting chance.

What is this Marcy like?

Beats me, Ma. Every time she passes me in school, she never speaks.

All I know is that she can have her pick of any dude in school, and she picked J

.J.? This I can't believe.

Don't surprise me none.

Look who his daddy is.

when I was his age.

The kid back on that farm in Mississippi, there was one girl who

to... Didn't want to what, say?

Didn't... didn't like me.

Well, why not, baby? I was young and handsome and muscular. And mighty.

That, too.

Oh, you know what I mean, baby. Any kid his age has got to sow some wild oats.

Well, from the way you're talking, you sound like you worked a whole farm by

yourself.

Baby, that was a long time ago.

Once I met you, my whole life changed.

Threw away all my farming tools.

You just made me change my mind.

About what?

About burning your dinner.

Hi.

Sorry, I didn't know the movie already started.

Well, Lona, sometimes I think you wait outside that door till it's the worst

minute to come in here.

From what I just saw, it's one of the better times.

reporter got to say today?

No news, just one question. What is happening with J .J.? I passed him in

hallway a little while ago and I spoke, you know. He just walked by singing,

let's get it on.

Well, J .J. has got himself another girl. Well, she must have his nose wide

because he was pushing the down button on the elevator and he was in the

basement at the time.

This is the biggie, El Permanente.

17, what a great age.

I'd give anything to be able to buy back the last 10 years and be 17 again.

And there wasn't a dude who didn't... Didn't what?

Uh, didn't want to date us.

I kind of played the field myself.

Florida was sweet on some dude.

What's his name? Fred Thompson.

Let's hear some more about this what's -his -name Fred Thompson.

Oh, I could tell you a whole lot about him and Florida.

Well, Lona... He was the finest, sharpest dude you ever laid your eyes

Florida just melted every time he... walked into the room.

Now you just cool it on that stroll down memory lane.

Since I met you, honey, I never even gave Fred Thompson a thought until she

mentioned it just now.

Well, good enough.

That's why in the morning I'm going right in there and tear up that picture

him that's hidden in my drawer.

Well,

I'm going to leave this movie.

This is where I came from.

kissing the old folks I ever seen in my life.

Kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing.

You know, this is crazy.

Junior's the one that's supposed to be in love, and we're doing all the

Thanks. I needed that.

Junior, you all finished shaving and lotioning? Also under arms.

and yours is right on, Dad.

Green deodorant? That was my mouthwash, fool.

Well, I guess I just put my arms around her a lot and postponed the kissing.

That's her.

Now, take it easy.

When a fox like that is called, she deserves the honor of having her own

special private wolf answer the door.

Come in.

I'm right on time.

I mean, you're right on time.

Oh, I can't wait to get started, J .J. Bought my baddest dress to pose in.

Hope it's all right with you, J .J.

Anything you wear is all right with me.

Even if you didn't wear anything of yours.

I mean, I want you to meet my mother and my father. Okay.

Uh, this one's my mother.

And this one's my father.

How do you do, Mr. Evans?

Oh, now I can see where J .J. gets all his charm.

Well, thanks.

I must say, it's hard to believe you're J

.J.'s father.

you immortal on canvas.

When I get through with that painting, you're gonna make the Mona Lisa look

Miles Mabley without her teeth in it.

Aw, JJ, you too much.

I know.

Oh, Marcy, I want you to be my kid sister, Thelma. Oh, you don't have to

introduce me to Thelma. We talk in school all the time. Hey, girl, how you

doing? Oh, fine, Mom.

Um, J .J., where can I change?

Uh, right in Thelma's room, baby, right through there. Oh, thank you, Mr. Evans.

Uh -huh. And look, if you need anything else, just holler here. Oh, I sure will.

you say she hardly speaks to you in school?

She doesn't, Ma.

I don't get her.

Well, wasn't she everything I told you she was?

She seemed like a real nice girl. Real sweet, well -behaved, and respectful to

her elders.

Especially the male elder, who looks too young to have a son.

I tell you, she was pure dying old might.

That's how come I made up my mind. About what?

When I finish that painting, I'm gonna pop the question.

What?

answer to go steady.

Changing her clothes in that room right now could be the future Mrs. James

Evans, Jr.

And standing right here having a fit is the present Mrs. James Evans, Sr.

Baby, Junior must be in love.

This is the first girl he ever painted that wasn't eight feet tall and shooting

a basketball.

Well, James, I don't like it. I've been watching this Marcy. I've been watching

her, too.

I've been watching how nice a girl she is, baby. I don't understand why you

putting her down.

Well, there's just something wrong with the two of them going together.

Why? They're both the same age. They're 17.

Yeah. Marcy is 17 going on 30.

JJ is 17, Luke's 15, and Ike's 12.

Baby, they're just two kids that dig each other. Ain't nothing wrong with

I think you're getting upset about nothing.

Why don't you just flap your wings over to the refrigerator and get me a beer,

yeah?

Yeah, same.

Demi, my wing.

I know.

you spend in the bathroom?

That's right, Thelma.

Oh, this is a big moment in your brother's life. He's in love.

He should look good.

Ma, this whole thing with him and Marcy is getting ridiculous.

I don't know what she wants with him anyway.

Now, wait a minute, Thelma. Don't go putting your brother down.

Now, Junior's got a lot on the ball. He's got a good sense of humor. He's

bright. He can be charming when he wants to be.

Of course, he's got that gift with the girls that he inherited from his old

wife. I think you're working the farm again.

Gussying up for Marcy.

You know, this girl just might be Miss El Permanente.

Because J .J. came to my boutique last night and he bought this slave key for

Marcy. He did?

Mm -hmm. And I had it engraved just like he wanted, see?

To end with eternal love, J .J.

James, this is getting out of hand.

Oh, now, baby, calm down.

You know, the thing I can't figure out, though, is how could he afford this?

This thing looks expensive.

Well, we sell them for $10.

But I gave it to him at the wholesale price, 83 cents.

What? A girl my age is much too young to be the best friend of a grandmother.

Oh, my.

Well, I got to go, but I'll be back later to see if, uh, Romeo made up to

Juliet's balcony, dear.

Sam, this ain't funny.

Now it's a slave key.

Oh, baby, kids always giving them things to each other. That don't mean they

tied together.

My JJ must be crazy. thinking about getting serious.

I don't intend to get serious for at least another six months.

Touching is reserved for Marcy.

Here is your slave key.

Wilona brought it over.

Hey, thanks, Mama.

Now, that's class.

Now, when I hang this gold chain around Marcy's neck, she got to say yes.

You better hurry, or else that fake gold is going to turn her neck gray.

to you, so I just emptied the bottle.

Emptied the bottle? It costs $2 .95 for six ounces.

When you're in love, money doesn't matter.

Yeah, but it's my money.

That's why it doesn't matter.

Hey, James.

I want to talk to you serious for a minute. Don't you think you're rushing

things?

Mama, I'm 17.

She's 17. Together, that makes us 34.

We may even get married.

Married? O .J .J., don't talk crazy.

Where would the two of you live?

Easy, Mama.

We'd figure someplace close to home, like Thelma's room.

My room?

And where am I supposed to sleep?

In the bathroom.

You live in there, you might as well sleep in there.

Marcy's going to be here in a few minutes, and we'd like to be alone.

Now, thanks, Mama.

If you'll excuse me, I've got to go chill the Kool -Aid.

James, why are you leaving this house?

Me neither.

Oh, baby, we can't blame the boy for wanting to be alone.

Maybe he's entitled to some privacy.

You know how it was when we was going together?

We was doing all that heavy courting.

That night I talked to your mother and father into leaving the house so we

be alone, and we...

Hell no, we ain't going nowhere.

Y 'all ain't going yet?

We ain't going, J .J.

But, Mama.

Now, that's hard now. This is a big occasion in my life, and we like a

privacy.

We gonna give you all the privacy you need.

Thanks, Mom.

Come on, Thelma, y 'all. Let's go in the kitchen.

Some privacy. I might as well pop the question at Wrigley Field.

Hey, J .J. Hey, Marcy.

You mighty star.

Just a little something I...

Why don't you come and sit down, my dear?

Okay.

Hi, Mr. Evans, Ms. Evans, Thelma.

Marcy.

To put us in the mood for what I'm about to say...

I

wrote this little poem especially

for you.

Y 'all folks can't hear me, can you?

Let me count the ways.

I love you for your skin's pure sheen, for your two sweet lips with teeth in

between.

for your gorgeous bod and for your hair that is strictly mine.

I love you in all kinds of weather because, baby, you is all together.

Oh, J .J., that's pretty.

Just a little something I wrote while I was bubble bathing.

Oh, J .J., I just love... sitting here and talking and everything, but don't

think we should work on the painting? Oh, I can't wait to get it finished.

Marcy, baby, it is finished. Oh, it is?

It is.

Yeah. I put the finishing touches on it yesterday after you left.

Oh, JJ, it's out of sight.

I'm glad you like it, Marcy. It's yours.

Oh, I...

He's graduating high school, and I'm giving him this painting for his

present. But, Marcy, I thought me and you were... Oh, J .J., you are a great

artist. Oh, I don't know how to thank you. Oh, wait till George sees this

painting.

I am so sorry.

And I was going to give her this.

Oh, June, you don't let it get you down, son.

Someday you meet a girl like your mother and you'll be just fine.

J .J. is not the end of the world.

It is.

I'm just going to sit here and drink myself into a Kool -Aid cone.

Now, J .J., she's just one girl.

There'll be a lot of other girls before you're through.

No, Mama, I'm... finish with women.

Oh, now, come on, Junior. There's more than one fish in the sea, man.

No, I mean, that's it.

Finito.

JJ the Hermit speaking.

Oh, hi, Charlotte.

How you doing, baby?

Oh, yeah, well, I'm usually busy around this time of the day, but if you got an

extra ticket, I'll be happy to go along with you.

Could I have a little privacy, please?

Charlotte, I wrote this little poem.

Hey, Junior. How'd your date go?

Hi, son.

Did you have a nice time?

Sure did. The concert was groovy, and I gave Charlotte my slave key.

She liked it so much, she spent a half hour kissing me a thank you note.

You know, Florida, there's some boy you brought into this world.

Good times is recorded on tape before a live audience.