Original subtitles

From Television City in Hollywood.

Scratch it and survive.

this one, stall this one.

You have to argue about this one.

And this one I'm going to put in the funny papers.

All right, will you look at this electric bill? This is ridiculous.

Has the gas bill gone up too, Daddy?

Oh, not too bad. At least if you can't afford to pay the electric bill, you can

still put your head in the oven.

I think all the poor people ought to get together and send letters of protest to

Washington. No way, son.

They stopped us from doing that by raising the price of stamps.

If things are getting rough, Daddy, maybe I can get a part -time job after

school. So could I.

No, no. Now, you guys just concentrate on your education. I'll take care of

family. Well, thanks anyway, because I appreciate the thought.

You know, me and your mama are still pretty lucky.

We're lucky too, Daddy.

Yeah, we got ourselves some wonderful kids.

use $18.

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

What you need $18 for?

Set of barbells.

Barbells? Yeah. When I go to the beach this summer, I want to drive the girls

crazy with my massive body.

If I get those barbells, I may get me a job as a lifeguard.

And if I like it, I may even learn how to swim.

Junior, stop bumping your gums, will you? I got enough problems.

Hey, who made a toll call to Oak Park?

Not me.

I got to go to the bathroom.

Junior, did you make a toll call?

Oh, Dad, see what happened is that I met this classy chick, and when I called...

versus the Chargers, otherwise she'd have thought I was cheap.

I told her I was the head of Motown.

I didn't lie, because actually what I told her was that I was the head of

Notown.

Jody, I got a fat phone bill here that's a result of your playing Casanova.

Now, the next time you make a toll call, you and me gonna go to Knuckle

Junction.

Bust some Notown.

thing happened at the supermarket.

I still can't believe it. Let me guess, they gotten some fresh meat by mistake?

No.

I was standing in the vegetable section, you know, thumping melons and squeezing

lettuce and squishing squash, when this man walked over to me, tapped me on my

shoulder, and said he was from an advertising agency that does TV

You're jiving.

No. He said he needed an honest...

to try to sell their new product.

A TV commercial?

Oh, what you say?

Drive me out and rip me each old little heart out. Oh,

blood, that's out of sight.

Oh, the only trouble is when you're watching television, you won't be able

run to the John door in the commercial because it might be you.

Take it easy now.

It's nothing definite yet. He said he had to look at some other faces before

decided.

he's not going to find a more honest face than yours.

Oh, Ilona. I mean it. You got the perfect face. You got the kind of face

look for in commercials now. You got that nice, plain...

sure was gone a long time.

James, I bet you can't guess why. Huh? The most exciting thing happened. I was

standing in this little pocket, just standing there and looking at the

in no brassiere commercial.

James. Ain't no wife of mine advertising nothing below the neck.

I'm sure he won't be calling me, but anyway, he gave me his card and told me

he'd get in touch with me if he needed me. A card? Let me see it. I'm an expert

on cards, Mama.

Here it is.

Hey, look at that fancy gold lettering.

I ain't got that job yet. But, Mama, you said the man was interested in you. And

they pay big for commercials, Ma. I bet you'll get at least $100.

Oh, $100?

Yeah,

they'll probably put Mama in some long evening gown, stick her on top of a

mountain with the wind blowing through her hair.

Picks up a bottle of ketchup and smacks her lips.

sure. She can't say, that's bad.

Mama's not going to speak bad English when she goes on television.

Right, Ma?

That's right.

Ma, please.

Tell me, how do you know they didn't want Mama to speak street talk?

Why do you think they pick a black woman in the...

That's right, baby. Your mother's a proud black woman. If they ask you to

that's right, she'd take that bottle of ketchup and throw it off that mountain

right into the river.

I don't like to hear that, Dad.

And if J .J. says it again, I'm going to throw him in the river.

Tell my baby, we're just teasing.

You all got me on television advertising ketchup when I don't even know what the

product is.

And the man ain't even called yet.

He'll call, Mama. And when you get paid, I could use $18 for a set of barbells.

There he goes again.

Skinny Sam the Gimme Man.

What barbells?

Mama Summer's coming on. I need muscles.

When I put on a T -shirt this summer, I just don't want to look like a T.

Now listen, all of y 'all.

If your mother gets some money, it's all hers.

And baby, you can spend it any way you like.

Gas bills, phone calls, anything at all.

Thanks, James.

Now, why don't we all get our heads out of the cloud?

I'm still a mother with a family, and I'm late getting dinner started.

Mama, did the man say when he was going to call you?

Well, he said he'll call by 4 o 'clock if they was going to use me.

Well, it's 10 after now.

10 after?

Well, I guess I won't become the Mrs. Olsen of the project.

You know, baby, It's all for the best.

You start off doing TV commercials. Next thing you know, you'll be putting your

footprints in the cement at Grauman's Chinese Theater.

While you're doing that, I'll be in the back of the crowd walking your French

poodles. Oh, James.

Ain't no way in the world for me to embarrass you by asking you to walk my

French poodles. I'll let the chauffeur do that.

You'll have to stay at home and babysit with my...

Being the son of a famous movie star, I have my own Cadillac to drive down and

get my food stamps.

How so?

Mr. Davidson?

Sure. Just one moment, please.

Baby, it's him!

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Moore.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Yes, I'll be home this evening.

Mm -hmm.

How much did you say?

Tell me, what did he say? What happened?

Well... He said, I got the job!

He said, I'll be selling a new product called VitaBrite. And it's a

health tonic. And they're going to send over the script with what I have to say.

And then James, he said something I don't think I heard right.

What? About how much they was going to pay me.

They said something about repeats and reruns and re -something another.

And then he said, I...

For a big star like me.

The commercial man said he wanted what she was, and what she was is what he's

going to get, and believe me, that's mighty good.

I know that, Dad, but it won't hurt for her to speak like a real TV commercial

announcer. Now, Ma, here's a great diction exercise.

Just do what I...

is still going to come out green.

Come on now, y 'all. Stop jiving while I'm rehearsing, Mama. You're making her

nervous. I don't need no help in that department. I'm already a wreck.

Oh, Mama.

Now, besides, to be a TV star, you got to be a real natural.

Now, here's the way you should do this part.

This is Florida Evans, star of Stage Screen and the Ghetto.

Here to tell you about VitaBrite Health Tonic. My husband James used to have

slow blood.

He would cut himself shaving on Monday and wouldn't bleed until Thursday.

But now, thanks to VitaBrite Health Tonic, my blood is fine.

unsolicited testimony who is the grateful folks at body bright will send

additional check for one

which needs a set of barbells.

To be tall, tan, and terrific.

And a hard -working husband.

Who could sure use the $5 ,000.

Boy, that's a lot of money, baby.

Who ever thought you'd be making that?

Well, now, James, wait a minute. That $5 ,000 is put -away money. That's for the

children's education and our old age.

I only hit the jackpot once, but you're the one that comes in with it every day.

Hey, I must be somebody's... Special too, huh? I've just been kissed by a

that makes $5 ,000 a day.

Less!

$18 for a set of barbells.

JJ, don't you think of anyone but yourself?

Baby, that must be the man with the script.

This is it. Come on, mama.

Come on, baby.

Opportunity is knocking.

That's right.

suggested that I try... What family, doctor?

All we got is a bottle of iodine and three band -aids.

Maybe you sound real good. Keep going here. Come on. I have been using

for three months and... James, I ain't been using this stuff for three minutes.

Milk's a junkyard. Yeah, like you're playing the part of a woman who's been

drinking Vita Brite for three months.

It ain't lying, Mama. It's acting. You think Henry Fonda would lie?

What's he got to do with it? When you see him do those floor wax commercials,

you think he really waxes his own floors?

When his floors get dirty, he just buys a new house.

And how about those milk commercials?

How do we know Mark Spitz really drinks milk to build strong teeth?

commercials now. You think he really wears them?

Not in the locker room.

Maybe everybody knows what you see on TV ain't exactly real.

I mean, like that guy in the little boat that goes sailing around in the toilet.

I ain't never seen no yachtsman in our job.

And he's living dangerous.

One flush and he's buried at sea.

kids are just making excuses because you're excited about that five thousand

dollars baby there ain't nothing wrong with having five thousand dollars now

said yourself you wanted the money for the kids education yeah ma i want to be

lawyer and i want to become a great actress i'm torn between a life as an

artisan and great barbellsman look kids i want you to have all those things even

the barbells but i don't want you going

talking and nothing that's going to make you go against your principles.

But, Florida, $5 ,000 is a lot of money.

And, baby, this is a dog -eat -dog world out there.

And I'm tired of being inside the dog looking out.

James, should there be a price on truth?

I don't know, baby.

But for $5 ,000, the price is right.

And besides, it's a health tonic. I mean, just because you ain't used it for

three months don't mean it might not be good for folks.

Yeah.

that little scrawny fella that delivered him.

Come on, baby. At least try it.

Yeah, here's the Vita -Brite, Dad.

I'll get some glasses.

Huh? Oh, all right. All right.

I wonder how much of this stuff you're supposed to take. Well, it can't hurt,

baby. It's a health tonic.

Give me a double. I'm gonna be the fastest blood in the world.

you health and

baby. The best thing you can do is just sleep it off.

Oh, James, we were getting so turned around by all that money, we got too

to look after our own kids.

I get on the bus again.

Drinking all that stuff is a wonder you can feel anything.

James, after seeing what this stuff did to Michael, there's no way I'm going to

do that commercial.

You're right, Florida, and I ain't got no argument.

Now, hold on.

Somebody's got to be the voice of reason around here.

I finally got a chance to get a piece of the action.

I'm not interested in no action that's going to sell 18 % booze as a health

tonic. It's only selling, Mama.

It's part of America.

This is the Evans house, and your mother ain't selling nothing that's going to

put 11 -year -old kids on skid row. Now, let's just worry about your brother,

huh?

Mama, I'm glad you're not doing that commercial.

I can do it.

Casey's corn crinkles for breakfast.

Casey's corn crinkles are delicious with sugar, strawberries, and cream. Your

family will love them. With sugar, strawberries, and cream, a bale of hay

be delicious.

Mama, that could have been you doing a commercial.

No way.

Mr. Moore said the government wouldn't let them advertise Vita Bright on

television. Besides, if they did, I know... much better person than me to do

that commercial.

Who's that?

Dean Martin.

Good Times is recorded on tape before a live audience.